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05 Mar 00 - 12:25 AM (#189675) Subject: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: katlaughing Some excerpts from a 1997 op/ed piece. Thought in light of some of the discussions we've been having on honesty, etc., some might find it interesting: Setting personal boundaries can give one a sense of liberation from self-imposed responsibility. Society as a whole needs to declare its limits. There is a difference between open communication and a constant volcanic eruption of verbal ash via the media du jour.... When we set boundaries, we've said to the world, "We consider ourselves to be important; we mean to care for ourselves first and foremost, for if we don't, how then can we care for others?" This can also give others the confidence of self-reliance; a shouldering or responsibility that may have weighed heavily on our hearts and minds..... (by setting boundaries) People may return to some semblance of civility, no longer feeding on the familiarity which can breed contempt for one another. The same familiarity which has contributed to our being such a cynical nation. Setting boundaries allows us each some breathing room, private space, time to notice a rainbow or smell the brush of air on a rainswept pine... When we don't feel so ratcheted up by the constant barrage of the day's news, work problems, and home life, declaring ourselves off-limits at times, we find reduced stress ad possibly more pleasant living and working conditions; which, like the ripple effect, can spread across the nation and world to balance out the "no-boundary effect". katlaughing |
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05 Mar 00 - 12:31 AM (#189682) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: katlaughing one line should read: a shouldering of responsibility |
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05 Mar 00 - 01:08 AM (#189709) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: Troll All of which is why I refuse to own a cell phone. I value my privacy and the fact that I cannot be reached with the touch of a button. I cannot understand the mentality that is so frightened of being alone that they must connect themselves via electronics to the world at large. One cannot be a paid-up member of the human race without some contact with ones fellows but this goes to extremes. We also NEED down time; time to recharge our batteries, time to mull over events and try to see how they fit into our lives. We cannot do this unless the society as a whole agrees that everyone has the right to be left the hell alone if they so desire it. Or something like that. troll |
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05 Mar 00 - 02:18 AM (#189733) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: rangeroger I agree entirely on the cell phones.You can include pagers in that category. I have friends who castigate me for using my answering machine to screen calls.But with all that verbal ash out there, Ifeel that if you're a friend you'll leave a message. If I hear your voice I will pick up. If I'm not there and you don't leave a message how can I return it? If you are a telemarketer,I don't want to talk to you anyway. rr |
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05 Mar 00 - 09:57 AM (#189815) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: Mooh How comforting to know I'm not the only one. I too screen my calls, don't own or like cell-phones (though my wife has one for emergencies in travel, kids, etc), and I often "go bush" to cure cabin-fever. I'd rather know the world up close but people from a distance whenever I can. There are obvious exceptions, friends and family, but I require not only "downtime" but contemplation time too. I think more and more in rural terms as I get older, and this isn't likely to change. I don't know why, just because the phone rings, my life should stop to answer it. Such interuptions aren't tolerated by other things so much, I think. If all this makes me odd, outcast, weird or unusual in any way, then I am proud, being weird is kinda a way of life for me anyway. By the way, I WILL return your calls...eventually. |
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05 Mar 00 - 10:48 AM (#189840) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: Peter T. Thoughtful quote Kat: I'm going to download it for future reference. I use a related analogy with my students. A cell is kept together by its ability to decide what is going to come within its boundary -- it is often pumping out incoming water and other fluids and crap to keep from disintegrating. The problem with the language of boundaries is that it suggests something completely separate -- 10 acres, a shotgun and a barbed wire fence. A cell has a "semi-permeable membrane" which keeps it connected to the outside, and yet allows for some control over what will come in and go out. It is that "semi-permeable integrity" that my students forget about in their enthusiasm for a world of ecological interconnectedness. I remind them that the world is in some aspects over-interconnected -- it is the ability to filter as a process of building your integrity that is critical. yours, Peter T. |
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05 Mar 00 - 11:56 AM (#189868) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: Troll I shoulda kept my yap shut and waited for you, Peter.Right on the money, as usual. troll |
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05 Mar 00 - 01:06 PM (#189897) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: BlueJay Therefore an answering machine is a semi-permeable membrane. A telephone without one lets everything through. Ditto cell phones. The only people with a legit need for cell phones are Doctors and drug dealers. Oh, and also travellers on the highway, but then they should only be used AFTER you've broken down, not to chat with cousin Billy while hurtling at 80 mph through the fog. |
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05 Mar 00 - 01:20 PM (#189902) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: Amos Well, BlueJay, there are a lot of fast-moving business people who won't see it that way - folks who genuinely need to juggle things, put there body one place while talking to another, make decisions both in the office and in the field at the same time, reach multiple clients, etc. I'd be inclined to let them have their technological advantage if they want to pay for it by lugging the damn things around and being jarred out of contemplation. ALthough perhaps that is not a problem for those who live that way, But you can always turn the puppy off. |
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05 Mar 00 - 01:20 PM (#189903) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: katlaughing Thank you all. Peter, I am honoured, as it is a quote from one of my own editorials. If you, or anyone else, would like the whole enchilada, about 500 words or so, please let me know. I have had an answering machine/secretary/callscreener for about 15 years. Now, with caller ID, I very rarely need it. Rog has had a cell phone for four years, due to work. Out here in the wilds of Wyoming, I am glad he does, for he is often on the road in inclement weather or high up on some remote mountain with no other means of communication. It keeps us connected and, I feel, much safer. Used to be when he was in a snocat, labourously trudging up some windswept, snowladen, boulder-strewn perpendicular *hill* we never knew if he made it safely or not until he actually got to the transmitter building. I always worried about those long, 3-4 hours in between. It is also possible to drive for hours and never see another vehicle or town, thus no ready assistance. I just got a cell phone this year, used it all of ten minutes last month and then, ONLY while parked. I refuse to sue on while driving. Since I am physically unable to change a tire, etc. I have for emergencies only and the ocassional "do we need anything from the store" kind of call. I wish the whole world were made of up of more of us "odd, outcast, weirdos"**BG**. luvyakat |
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05 Mar 00 - 01:22 PM (#189905) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: katlaughing And of course, I always refuse to "sue on"! Aaarrrggghhh, that should read "I refuse to use one while....!" |
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05 Mar 00 - 01:36 PM (#189914) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: Troll Spooner!!! My wife has a cell phone which is used only in emergencies .In the year that she has had it, we have probably logged ten minutes. The problem is, that business people who use them while driving are NOT paying adequate atteneion to the road. There is a growing body of evidence that cell phone use in cars is a major factor in accidents. Just how major, is not yet known. Stay close for bulletins. troll |
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05 Mar 00 - 01:40 PM (#189917) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: katlaughing They have that information at the Click & Clack CarTalk website, where you can also find info to get your free bumper sticker that says "Drive now, talk later!" My daughter is very guilty of this, Troll, and it scares teh hell out me, as well as the fact that all of her friends think nothing of it, either! |
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05 Mar 00 - 01:51 PM (#189922) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: Dave (the ancient mariner) I always leave a message on machines. "Have your machine call my machine sometime" Particularly annoying when its long distance and you get charged anyway. I have to live with a pager strapped on most of the time but the cell phone is only on when I need to call. I see people trying to run an office out of a car, and wonder if they ever will have a life... They certainly will have an accident one day. Yours,Aye.Dave |
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05 Mar 00 - 01:55 PM (#189925) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: Peter T. Yes, Kat, I'd like to see the whole thing -- as would others I am sure -- why not post the whole thing? Troll has got me thinking about a cell with a cellphone....yours, Peter T. |
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05 Mar 00 - 02:36 PM (#189936) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: BlueJay Sorry, Amos. Irealize lots of people put cell phones to legit uses. I think I was trying to be facetious. I'm biased because 22 years ago, my pregnant wife and I were nearly run off the road by a twit talking on the phone. We were in a VW bug and he was in a van. They called them car phones or mobile phones back then. This illustrates that phones and cars don't mix. Never have, never will. I yelled at the moron, who was totally oblivious to the fact he'd nearly killed three people. I also recognize the cell phone's value in travel, living in rural America as kat does. But I don't have one. Doesn't fall within my budget. Kat/KL- is this what you call thread creep? I didn't mean to start a debate on cell phones, but I stand by my original statement that answering machines are filters allowing us, in a way, to set boundaries. If you've ever worked where they call you, day and night, to work on your off time, then you understand. Ditches salesman/bill collectors well also. |
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05 Mar 00 - 03:03 PM (#189946) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: katlaughing No problem, Blue Jay, most welcome as thread drift; like driftwood, some of it is well worth picking up and admiring for it's truth and beauty. Like Dave, Rog has a pager on and within reach 24/7, as well as not being too far from a phone of some kind. We do know what it is liek and are both tired of. We really rely on the Caller ID to help out with the screening and I totally agree with you. Thank you, Peter, here 'tis, then, published September 28, 1997, (I was a couple hundred off on my word count guesstimate):
Balancing the No-Boundary Effect This August, I held a "mini-retreat" in my home. I didn't answer the telephone, listen to the radio, watch television, read the newspaper or talk to anyone except my husband and daughter. Spent several days in stilling my mind, willing it to just stop, reminding myself I did not have to be doing something every minute of the day. My mind kept thinking of things that could be done, but weren't necessary, at that moment. While there were several lessons to be learned, I think the most valuable was that it was okay for me to set boundaries: for my spouse and children; for my siblings and parents; for my friends and associates. Contemplating this freeing-up, this sense of liberation from self-imposed responsibility, I realised most people need to reset their boundaries. Society as a whole needs to declare its limits. There is a difference between open communication and a constant volcanic eruption of verbal ash via the media du jour. When we set boundaries, by accepting no calls at certain times; by not letting our children watch R-rated shows; by saying no to another committee; or whatever - we have enabled ourselves to live more stress-free. We've said to the world, "We consider ourselves to be important; we mean to care for ourselves first and foremost, for if we do not, how then can we care for others?'" This can also give others the confidence of self-reliance; a shouldering of responsibility that may have weighed heavily on our heart and minds. Many of the baby-boom generation were raised to be polite and accommodating, giving everyone the "benefit of the doubt." Because of this, a lot of us feel guilty saying no. Guilt is a big motivating factor. If we don't do this one little thing. take this one phone call, run this one errand, who knows what might happen; besides which, we'll feel guilty! Setting boundaries requires self-discipline. I wanted to call my friends, my family, I wanted to know what was going on in the world. It always seems easier to continue with the present behaviour than to change. Our national consciousness would benefit from self-discipline on the part of everyone. Imagine if we didn't know the day-to-day details of our politicians, our fellow citizens and their intimate problems. Imagine if we shared our problems in a thoughtful way only with those who could really offer us help and vice versa? Imagine if parents quit expecting the government to police the world for their children, acknowledging them as their responsibility, after all. Imagine those parents practising self-discipline enough to leave the television off; spending time with their children reading, talking, discussing the universe; or even going to a ball game together. We need boundaries in journalism. More has been said about this since the death of Princess Diana than ever before, but has the public changed? Aren't the tabloids and others back to their usual because we don't set boundaries and tell them enough is enough? About a week before my retreat, I wrote a note to each of my family members, telling them why they would hear from me. They were excited for me and very supportive. We all learned a little more about self-discipline and boundaries. We also learned we do not need to know every day detail of each other's lives. I am not advocating a return to silence, when crimes of domestic violence or government wrongdoing were ignored or covered up. I am suggesting we need a balance. If each day, we each say no to a phone ringing, a favour asked, a sensational headline, a child's plea for more TV or a later bedtime; if we stop ourselves from spending one more hour as sofa spuds, we might find the world balancing out. People may return to some semblance of civility, no longer feeding on the familiarity which can breed contempt for one another. The same familiarity which has contributed to our being such a cynical nation. Setting boundaries allows us each some breathing room, private space, time to notice a rainbow or smell the brush of air on rainswept pine. When we don't feel so ratcheted up by the constant barrage of the day's news, work problems and home life, declaring ourselves off-limits at times, we find reduced stress and possibly more pleasant living and working environments; which, like the ripple effect, can spread across the nation and world to balance out the no-boundary effect. © 1997 OoBraughLoo Press |
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05 Mar 00 - 03:05 PM (#189947) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: tar_heel thought for the day......let's see....hmmmm..thought for the day...hmmmmm...let's see,now........mmmmmm.....thought for the day.....hmmmmmm....thought for the day,thought for the day,thought for the day.......mmmmmmm....ooooo......mmmmmm....thooooought foooor the daaaaay.....mmmmmm.....TURN OFF THE BLAME CELL PHONE!!!mmmmmmmlet's see now,where was i,mmmmmmmthought for the day........mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm you're right!between my neighbors lawn mower going on a sunday afternoon and my friends stinking cell phone and his buddy's pager....it's hard to come up with a thought for the day.....and i took early retirement just to get away from tv,cell phones,pagers...all that non-important stuff!!!!now let's see....thought for the day........... |
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05 Mar 00 - 03:13 PM (#189952) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: BlueJay I think I'd go fishing |
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05 Mar 00 - 03:28 PM (#189957) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: Little Neophyte Can I join you Bluejay? I love fishing. I use to go fishing with my dad and we would head out real early to his secret spot where the crib bed always had big trout hanging around. I don't mind putting the fish on the hook, but please don't ask me to take the hook out of the fishes gills. And I promise not to bring my cell phone. Little Neo |
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05 Mar 00 - 03:38 PM (#189959) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: BlueJay L'il Neo- I'll go you one better. I don't even really like to CATCH fish. Have to clean them if you do. I just like to walk around and cast my line. If I catch one by accident, I let it go. And yet somehow, my freezer's full of fish, donated by friends! It's a wonderful life, isn't it? I don't even take a radio. Sure, c'mon. I could show you some of the worst fishing spots in Colorado. |
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05 Mar 00 - 03:48 PM (#189962) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: Amos A full day's ride up into the Tetons, I camped one night with friends from the Little Big Horn area by a silver lake mirroring mountain tops and pine trees.. Whatever we had, we brought with us, include stimuli. Although we were equipped, we were not connected in any way with the normal commercial world. I count it a blessing that such places still exist and would dearly love to spend more time among them. I think when spring comes on a little bit firmer I will go back into the Cuyamacas for a weekend just to let go of all the noises and forms of city existence for a bit. Might even be able to recover a clear view on things! A |
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05 Mar 00 - 03:56 PM (#189965) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: tar_heel amos,you have the right idea....when you get away....you get away!!!!! good for you.. i'd like to go next time!!! regards,chuck p.s. i really want to hike the appalachian trail.....and no cell phones!!!!!or pagers either!! chuck |
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05 Mar 00 - 07:53 PM (#190077) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: Irish sergeant Hi Everybody; It is amazing just how many of you are right on the mark! I don't have a cell phone. I pick up the phone when I'm home but I value my privacy too. If You're in upstate NY and you see a Civil War reenactment going on, stop by, You might just run into me. That is my escape from the ratrace of 21st century life. I pitch my tent near my pards, get a fire going and drink strong coffee and play 19th century songs on the guitar after the sun goes down. Everybody needs down time and that is mine. Pagers and cellphones rank right up there for life's little annoyances. Kat, don't feel alone we all need to get away from these petty distractions so we can stay cool, Irish Sgt. (AKA neil) PS look me up if you make any Civil War reenactments. I'm the 1st Sgt for the 12th US Infantry. |
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05 Mar 00 - 08:09 PM (#190084) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: McGrath of Harlow What amazes me is how little notice people seem to take about the indications that talking too long on a mobile phone fries your brain.
I keep on getting reminded of how it used to be with smoking a few years back, all the Marlboro' ads and that. How long before they start putting health warnings on phones? How long before the lawsuits begin?
And think, if you've got one of those you can't even take a crap in peace.
The only time I find myself wishing I had one is when I'm standing at the front of a queue and the receptionist can't deal with me, because the phone keeps on ringing and getting priority over the physical queue. Now if I had a mobile, I could just dial and get attention... |
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05 Mar 00 - 11:02 PM (#190173) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: canoer My science magazine just had an article about scientists using sophisticated MRI & other machines on long-term cell-phone users in Finland. In these long-term users, there are unusual changes in blood flow in the ear, head, and neck areas on the side the cell-phone is held. The researchers view these changes as indicative of pre-cancerous environments. |
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05 Mar 00 - 11:15 PM (#190187) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: Troll I live in a small college town and some of the students seem to have a cell phone epoxied to one ear; in the car,in the supermarket, everywhere. A professor friend of mine said that he tells his students to turn 'em off and keep 'em off while in his classroom. Otherwise he'll throw 'em out for disturbing the class and they'll have to petition to get back in. After he did it a couple of times( with the blessings of the Chair) they got the idea! But it is scary to see someone driving through traffic talking on a phone and looking at papers in their lap at the same time. While drinking a cup of coffee! I'm sorry but that is NOT a legitimate use of a car phone or a car. One or the other. Not both. troll who has an unlisted zip code |
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05 Mar 00 - 11:34 PM (#190203) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: rangeroger They are not letting their semi-permeable membranes filter out the poisons, katlaughing,thankyou for the full text. It is worthwhile reading. My get-away, (having lived and worked in the Cuyamacas for 10 years), is the Strawberry Music Festival. It is every Memorial and Labor day weeekend.I'm usually there at least a week before and stay for at least a week after.I get to camp in the High Sierras with no one around and watch as the camp slowly builds to its climax of 5,000 to 6,000 people,4 days of glorious music and 24 hour a day jams, and then get to watch every body leave and peace and quiet return to the forest. That's when the music comes back out of the trees. rr |
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06 Mar 00 - 12:05 AM (#190232) Subject: RE: Thought for the day - March 5, 2000 From: katlaughing rangerroger, thank you very much. What a lovely description..the music coming back out of the trees. Beautiful imagery! katlaughingpeacefully |