Song Challenge! Part 15

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Song Challenge! Part 15

14 Mar 00 - 09:12 PM (#195015)
Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Áine

**********SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT***********

Here it is, my lovely CHALLENGE!RS, the No F***ing Dancing Leprechauns St. Patrick's Day Special Song Challenge:

Bob, Corned Beef and The Devil -- Dateline Boston, USA. Some Irish Catholics may have a beef with the church on St. Patrick's Day. This year, the holiday falls on a Friday in Lent, the period when Roman Catholics are encouraged to abstain from eating meat as an act of penance and a reminder of the sacrifices of Jesus. Many Catholic bishops, including Boston's and New York's, are giving dispensation to parishioners who want to partake of the traditional Irish-American meal of corned beef and cabbage. But some bishops are refusing to let their congregations off the hook, like Bishop Sean O'Malley of Fall River, Massachusetts, has not issued a dispensation.

As a result, Catholics with a hankering for corned beef on March 17th may be heading to nearby Boston. But even without a dispensation, there is a possible out for those who don't want to ignore the rules but feel a craving for corned beef: They can travel to another diocese where the meal is deemed OK. "Corned beef and cabbage is a mainstay of our menu," says Jerry Burke, owner of Doyles Cafe, an Irish pub in Bostons' Jamica Plains neighborhood, "And people are going to do it anyway." Mr. Burke expects to sell thousands of pounds of corned beef and cabbage this Friday. Also included in the no-no parishes are those in Rockville Centre, New York and Brooklyn, New York.

Go for it, CHALLENGE!RS!!

14 Mar 00 - 09:28 PM (#195032)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Mbo

Oh no, Aine, oh no! I can just see the insulting things coming out of this one. Sorry guys, it's against my principles. I'll wait till a more civilised Challenge! comes along. I'm sitting this one out.

--Mbo

14 Mar 00 - 09:34 PM (#195037)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Áine

Dear Mbo,

Geeziz, give me a break, dear. If the subject matter doesn't offend me, I really can't see why you have such a problem with it. Calm down, take a walk, and remember, "it all in where your head's at, man", like the great Ray Charles once said.

-- Áine

14 Mar 00 - 11:42 PM (#195126)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: bseed(charleskratz)

Corned Beef and Cabbage (to the tune of "The Ballad of Lizzie Borden")

Yesterday in old Fall River Bishop Sean O'Malley said
Irish mustn't eat their saint's day fare, they must eat fish instead,
We can have our finnan haddie, we can dine on sole or cod,
But bloody beef and cabbage is an affront to our God.

(chorus)
Oh, Micks need corned beef and cabbage here in Massachusetts,
Saint Pat would be a-spinnin' in his tomb.
Oh, we gotta have our corned beef here in Massachusetts,
The thought of scrod just fills our hearts with gloom.

Now the laddies at the Shamrock bar have gone and hired a bus
And they're headed up to Boston where the church won't make a fuss;
They will eat corned beef and cabbage 'til it's comin' our their ears,
'Cause the Boston bishop's dispensation's eased them of their fears.

--seed

14 Mar 00 - 11:52 PM (#195137)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

Saint Patrick and the Bishop

(Tune: Blow Ye Winds In the Morning)

Cho:   Sometimes the rules get broken
            And sometimes they'get bent
             So I'll take corned beef and cabbage
             And the Pope can keep his Lent!

They advertise in Boston
And out Jamaica Way
Ten thousand pounds of cornéd beef
For dear Saint Patty's day, singing

Cho.

But the Bishop of Fall River
Consumed with earnest zeal
Proposed to call an edict down
On our ancient honor'd meal, singing

Cho.

He had lots of fancy reasons
He talked without relief!
But all this logic came to
Was a day without corned beef

Cho.

Now Jack McGraw, a Catholic born,
Devout within all reason
He swore he'd go to Doyle's cafe
Where beef held open season

Cho.

His wife she feared the bishop's wrath
And begged him to repent
He swore "Away! It's Patty's Day!
Let the Pope reschedule Lent!"

Cho.

Now Bishop Sean looked grim as stone
He thought to make example
Drove all the way to Doyle's Cafe
And caught Jack with a sample

Cho.

Now Jack he had a steamin' fork
Of corned beef and of cabbage
When the Bishop scuttled up to him
And called him Satan's baggage!

Cho.

The churchman raised his crooked staff
To strike that corned beef down!
But as he swung, there opened up
A great hole in the ground!

Cho.

The thunder pealed and the ground split wide
And we was all afeared
As with a curse upon his lips,
That Bishop disappeared

Cho.

So now we're all enjoying beef
And no-one needs confessing
We've traded in the vows of Lent
For dear Saint Patrick's blessing!

Cho.

So if your joy of life gets cooled
By a busybody father,
Just ask yerself what Pat would say,
An' do as he would rather!

14 Mar 00 - 11:57 PM (#195142)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: MMario

talk about instant folksong!!!!

14 Mar 00 - 11:59 PM (#195147)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

Just add cabbage...

15 Mar 00 - 12:12 AM (#195159)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: wysiwyg

Hot tip, songsters-- esp. Mbo--

No problem. Just make the corned beef the vigil supper the night before, for a fundraiser. See, any church holiday can be counted as starting at sundown the night before... So, on Thursday night St. P. day festvities can start, but it's Thursday!

Now go to it!

15 Mar 00 - 12:28 AM (#195175)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: bseed(charleskratz)

Amos, what a classic line: "Away, it's Patty's day; let the pope reschedule lent." I love it.

--seed

15 Mar 00 - 12:32 AM (#195182)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

Thankee, BSeed -- I am similarly delighted by reflections on the thought of Scrod...

15 Mar 00 - 12:39 AM (#195187)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: wysiwyg

Well Hardiman just gives the grace as, "Be thou fish."

15 Mar 00 - 06:13 AM (#195253)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

Ah well...

A dangerous subject to be sure. (Speaking as someone who can hear the tempers boiling right now over the pond as two groups of people who worship the same God decide whether or not to start killing each other again).

None-the-less I ahve tried to produce something in the best Non-confirmist Prod taste and assure you all humour is laughing with not at.

To the Tune of Fire and Rain – James Taylor

Just yesterday morning the priest said that it was wrong "By God the menu you've made will put an end to you" I walked out this morning and the craving hadn't gone Choose between church and stomach what am I to do

Chorus

(Oh!) Corned beef and cabbage make you fart After all these years I've made it into an art Green Beer and Guinness always play their part I just wish that Lent didn't have to start

Won't you look down on me Jesus you got to help me make a stand I just can't make it through St Patrick's day My gut is aching, I need a drink in my hand Oh please tell me there's another way

Chorus

(Oh-oh-oh!) Booze and food are my priest's treat The last time he came round he fell at my feet I've got to lock the whisky up each time we meet So why does he tell me what I have to eat

I've been walking my mind through a lonely time my back turned towards the pub Lord knows when bars all close I'll glad today Can't really see why it should be my priest can choose my grub Got to sit at home all alone and keep the faith today

Chorus

(Oh-oh-oh!) The earth shall be the prize of the meek Sometimes I find that story rather weak 'Cos while faithless navvies get the food they seek I hold with the church and I don' get a peek

Improvise and play out

Feed me one more time Lord Oh feed me Seymour Feed me corned beef one more time Etc.

Hyp

15 Mar 00 - 08:15 AM (#195303)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: wysiwyg

Well, I like it, I hope everyone else does too!

15 Mar 00 - 08:23 AM (#195309)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Crowhugger

Amos, You got me LOLWROTF. Great work!

15 Mar 00 - 08:36 AM (#195320)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

Thank you, sweet CH....Nice work, Hyperabid Taylor...I can hear it from here!

15 Mar 00 - 08:45 AM (#195327)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

Cheers Amos!

Yours is top notch too. What puzzles me is your ability to produce a ditty as long as the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner in about five minutes flat!

You havn't got the next ten song challenge titles hidden away somewhere have you?

Excellent lyricising!

Hyp

15 Mar 00 - 08:57 AM (#195340)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: wysiwyg

It's because of the key Amos plays in--

The key of five minutes flat!

15 Mar 00 - 09:05 AM (#195348)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

The secret, Hyper, is to be totally unwilling to face reality. Makes fiction rather easier. :>) This is a lesson I learned from a virtual pussim. I mean possum... I don't get any advance tips from the Gaelic Goddess, and would disqualify myself if I were so priveleged...altho an inside line to TGG her own self might be worth it!

15 Mar 00 - 09:19 AM (#195360)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

I have a firm grip on reality! No I don't Who said that? I did I must stop talking to myself No I musn't I'm not schizophrenic and niether am I!

Hyp

15 Mar 00 - 09:28 AM (#195368)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

Well, a certain division of mental responsibilities can't hurt. Just muster up your multiple personalities and divvy up the duties...

"You do math, I'll do PR, you're strategy in charge, and you take care of Being Polite. You, over there, with the historical fixation, you keep track of events for Us. Any questions? Good...we'll meet again at 3:30 to report on how we're doing..."

This is especially handy when you walk into a virtual insane asylum like this one :?)

15 Mar 00 - 10:13 AM (#195387)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Áine

Oh me darlin's! What great songs -- pardon me while I pick myself off floor yet again! Truly written in the spirit of the day and the challenge. Hyp -- I've been waiting for years to see a great parody of that particular song -- you've made my day!

And Mbo, if you're still checking this thread out, I have an 'alternate' challenge for you. My husband and I met on St. Patrick's Day 13 years ago and it was love (and lust) at first sight -- and we were both completely sober, so there. Five months later we were married and we're still as infatuated with each other as we were then. The kicker is that I answered his ad in the personals on a dare from a friend -- she was tired of hearing me complain about not being able to find anyone decent to date. So, there ya go my sad-eyed poet, a true love story just waiting for a song.

Well done, compadres -- Keep it up!

-- Áine

15 Mar 00 - 10:23 AM (#195391)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

Ooooh!

Now who's going to be the first to produce Áine's Air?

Hyper

15 Mar 00 - 10:41 AM (#195398)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: wysiwyg

Eeew!!!

Aine, we need a short-courting challenge, H & I also hitched precipitously, in fact even more so, to the glory of... well after all this is Praise talking.

15 Mar 00 - 10:46 AM (#195403)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

Mmm

Well I'm not quite sure I agree, but I guess that is as ever down to individual circumstance...

I got married precipitously the early 90s. Whilst I gained beautiful twin daughters I was also gifted with a divorce that might have been scripted by Beelzebub himself!

Regret this would not therefore be something that I could contribute to in a suitable frame of mind.

Hyp :-(

15 Mar 00 - 10:48 AM (#195406)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: MMario

ST. PADDY'S DAY FAST
(to the tune (roughly) of "The Mermaid")

Twas Friday morn , just two days past the Ides
And the month it was the merry month of March
When we sat down our dinner for to plan
And decide what to eat with our starch

Chorus:

And the Bishop said it's LENT
You cannot eat meat's that red!
I don't care if it IS St. Paddy's day
You will all be eating fish on Friday!

Then up spoke the curate, of our little church,
From where he was a-polishin' the pew
"No corn beef and cabbage? On St. Paddy's day?
Dear God, Whatever will we do?"

Chorus:

Then up spoke the Altar guild, of our little church
And Fine old blue-haired ladies were they
"We know it is a fast, but can't we let it pass?
after all it is for St. Paddy's day!"

Chorus:

Then up spoke the organist, of our little church
And from his pipes he gave a mighty blast
"We must have dispensation, for this holy day
or no longer on the organ shall I play"

Chorus:

Then up sang the choir, of our little church
In a capella four part harmony!
"You know that we love fish, in any kind of dish
but tonite it's not a meal we'd like to see!"

Chorus:

And then up spoke the Priest, of our little church
And mighty long-winded was he.
"Absolution I shall grant, for this sin in Lent
at least until the bishop de-frock's me"

Chorus:

Then up spake the head, of our holy church,
With a Papal Bull clutched tight in either hand
"For Holy Lent and peace, it is my wish
for today ONLY consider corned beef FISH"

Chorus: (x2)

15 Mar 00 - 10:51 AM (#195408)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: MMario

15 Mar 00 - 11:01 AM (#195416)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: bseed(charleskratz)

Proughfride, Kratz. "...coming out their ears..."

I guess no one knows "The Ballad of Lizzie Borden"?

--smallseed

15 Mar 00 - 11:24 AM (#195432)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Songster Bob

The last post reminds me of the story Joe Heaney used to tell, about a Northern Irishman who fell for a Catholic woman and decided to get married. The priest said, "You'll have to convert to the Mother Church," and Pat (for that was his name, wouldn't you know?) said that for love, he'd do it.

After a couple of weeks of marriage and attending Mass, Pat goes to the priest and says, "Father, I don't yet feel like a Catholic. How can I feel more honest in my religion?" (For, to tell the truth, Pat was an honest man, and intended to stick to his new vows).

The priest said, "Just keep repeating this, especially when you feel like you may be backsliding: I'm a Catholic! I'm a Catholic."

Pat leaves the church repeating his new mantra (though mantras themselves are a heathen invention of the Devil himself, don't you know?) -- "I'm a Catholic! I'm a Catholic! I'm a Catholic!"

Friday comes around, and himself (the priest) goes for a walk. As he passes Pat's kitchen window, he smells a most un-Friday smell. It can't be fish that smells like frying beefsteak!

So the priest goes into Pat's house and marches to the kitchen, where he sees Pat, spooning the drippings over the frying slab of beef, saying, "You're a fish! You're a fish! You're a fish!"

Bob Clayton

15 Mar 00 - 11:24 AM (#195433)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

The gayest and warmest of anniversarii to you and Dear Hubby both, Áine. You have a flood of well earned affection from your devoted Songster Galley Slaves to brighten the occasion.

My beloved wife and I had two real dates before we decided to marry -- I think it was a courtship of some three weeks total! When you're right, you're right...and an anniversary coming up soon of our own...21 years! My, these Springtime follies occasionally go somewhere serious, don't they? :>)

15 Mar 00 - 11:29 AM (#195439)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: MMario

When my parents got engaged, my mother wanted a six month engagement. Dad told her if he had to wait that long he'd find someone else. 56 (almost) years later they are still together. Not bad for a couple that met on a blind double date. The fun part is they originally were each paired up with the other's roommate!!! (Who also married.)

We now return you to your regularly scheduled song challenge

15 Mar 00 - 11:29 AM (#195440)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

That's a crack up, MM -- and a much more sober resolution than my Deus Ex Cabbage! :>) I love it!

A

15 Mar 00 - 11:57 AM (#195459)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: MMario

Amos - I like yours better, can we swap? *grin* But VERY envious of the fact you took a LOT less time...is less derivative, and just looks more professional, dang you! I actually woke up several times last night from nightmares of opening a pot of cornbeef and cabbage and finding a dead pilchard staring up at me...(but I suffer nightmares easily...too active an imagination)

15 Mar 00 - 12:00 PM (#195463)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

Áine's Air

The melody to this love song is a slow and measured rendition of Down By The Sally Gardens

which lingers between measures, and would sound fair on a dulcimer and recorder. Lente, lente.

This is a first draft, towhich suggestions are welcome.

Down at the city's center fair
We did first agree to meet
And as I saw you approaching
I felt the wind around my feet
There was sunlight warming in me
Though the day it had long gone
When first your stranger's gentle smile
I gladly looked upon.

Though short our time of meeting
And long our sharing true,
Forever and another day, love
I will abide with you
For the earth may turn around us,
And the moon draw out the sea,
And in the center, stilly stands
My own true love, with me.

Be with me in that center yet
And take my faithful hand
And as the green trees slowly grow
So green we surely stand
For you are in my deepest heart
As I, my love, in thine
And as the green grass roots do grow
So are our own entwined

And if the city crumbles, dear
And the lands do fall beside,
And if the winds grow ever cold,
Yet by you I will abide
For sun and winds I have no need,
Or city centers fair,
When aye the quiet heart goes on
Because that you are there.

15 Mar 00 - 12:07 PM (#195471)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Áine

Thanks for the kind thoughts, everyone -- no wonder my favorite season is the spring! Ok, here's my little addition to the great offerings so far.

My Parish Has No Corned Beef In It [Tune: My Husband's Got No Courage In Him, from the Silly Sisters album]

As I walked out one March morning
To view kegs of green beer a-springing
I saw two maidens standing by
And one of them their hands were wringing
Oh dear-o, oh dear-o,
My parish has no corned beef in it
Oh dear-o

All sorts of vittals I can provide
And the special meat that fits the day-o
But oysters raw and rhubarb pie
Is too far from the Irish way-o
Oh dear-o, oh dear-o,
My parish has no corned beef in it
Oh dear-o

My bishop can dance and caper and sing
Or do anything that is fitting for him
But he will not do the thing I want
Because he has no Irish in him
Oh dear-o, oh dear-o,
My parish has no corned beef in it
Oh dear-o

My boxty's admired wherever I go
And everyone loves my pratie cakes-o
I cook soda bread and a well-shaped loaf
But I've never baked a decent fish-o
Oh dear-o, oh dear-o,
My parish has no corned beef in it
Oh dear-o

I reserved a seat upon the bus
That'll take us Pats to Boston tomorrow
But this morning I rose with my ticket lost
And no ATM is working, oh no!
Oh dear-o, oh dear-o,
My parish has no corned beef in it
Oh dear-o

Every night when I goes to bed
I dream of catfish in my jell-o
On Friday next I know my fate
I guess that I'll be going to Hell-o
Oh dear-o, oh dear-o,
My parish has no corned beef in it
Oh dear-o

I wish my bishop that he was 'green'
And loved his Paddy's corned beef cut trim
But I'll have to find another one
That's got a little Irish in him
Oh dear-o, oh dear-o,
My parish has no corned beef in it
Oh dear-o!

15 Mar 00 - 12:14 PM (#195475)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Áine

Oh Amos -- you went and made me cry. That's just beautiful. Thank you so much for your sweet present. First Caty's Song and now this -- I hereby dub thee the official Cooke family bard!

I'm off to let dear hubby know about it now. Well, after I dry my eyes and blow my nose, of course.

-- Áine

15 Mar 00 - 12:14 PM (#195476)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

LOL! Definitely a fall-on-the-floor, with cluster pin winner, TGG. I think this is one of your best! I guess food is the love of music, or something like that...

The air next above yours is for you and Dear Hubby.

A

15 Mar 00 - 12:35 PM (#195498)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

Here goes at an effort to combine the themes...

Áine's Air (2)

To the tune of Scarboro' Fair – Simon and Garfunkel et al

"Are you going to St Patrick's day fair?"
Cabbage, Beef, Draught Guinness, Whiskey
"Yes on a blind date to find my true lover
Only because my mates they dared me"

"What will he be like this lover of yours?"
Cabbage, Beef, Draught Guinness, Whiskey
"I just hope he's not drunk, crawling on all fours
Then he can be a lover to me"

"Will he be handsome, will he be rich?"
Cabbage, Beef, Draught Guinness, Whiskey
"I don't really care if he has not a stitch
Just so long as he's right for me"

"Do you know whether you'll give him your hand?"
Cabbage, Beef, Draught Guinness, Whiskey
"That lies in my future - time's shifting sand< br> The hope of my heart of what might yet be"

"(I) have seen that future my pretty maid fair"
Cabbage, Beef, Draught Guinness, Whiskey
"The gold of your life, today you'll find there
Good fortune, good luck, good morrow", said he

Hyp

(line break sorted by a Joe clone)

15 Mar 00 - 12:43 PM (#195501)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

Ach, Hyp -- it's beautiful. AND funny! How'd you do them both in one?

(Aside -- notice the br's that didn't break? it's because there is a space after the first angle bracket. HTML is soooo fussy.)

A

15 Mar 00 - 12:50 PM (#195504)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

Your probably being a smidge generous to my lyrical twaddling Amos - but thank you

Yes I was a bit miffed about the br's - then again I've only learnt these tricks today so I was bound to drop a few clangers...

At least I've found out how to stop my verses appearing all on one line. It was beginning to get my goat a tad.

Hyp

15 Mar 00 - 12:55 PM (#195509)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Áine

Dear Hyp,

Fussy HTML or not, that's great!!!! And a two-in-one song at that -- you're making me have to come up with yet another new award, besides the 'Whole Bag O' Chips' one that you've qualified for already . . .

-- Áine

15 Mar 00 - 01:08 PM (#195513)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

Dear Áine

I would imagine, (although I guess I should check with Amos) that both Áine's Air 1 and 2 are yours to keep - our anniversary presents - No gong requested - No gong required...

Hyp

15 Mar 00 - 01:16 PM (#195515)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

Of course they are, mate! If ye can't make sacrifices to a Gaelic goddess, who can you make 'em for?

15 Mar 00 - 01:31 PM (#195528)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

There you go...

Happy Anniversary...

Gotta go home now for a very English supper of bangers, mash and onion gravy.

Regards

Hyp

15 Mar 00 - 05:57 PM (#195661)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Bradypus

I must admit I almost joined Mbo in sitting this one out. I need to jump across too many traditions to understand what this really means to people - as Flanders and Swann said:

"The Scotsman is mean, as we're all well aware
And bony, and blotchy, and covered with hair
He eats salty porridge, he works all the day
And he hasn't got Bishops to show him the way"

Still, to our song, which takes a totally different slant from the previous offerings - Bradypus showing his more serious side this time.

St Patrick's Judgement

St Patrick sits in judgement
Upon St Patrick's Day
Three Paddies from America
Would hear what he would say

Now here's a problem for you:
Saint Patrick's day's in Lent
What should we eat to keep the feast?
To find out we've been sent

For years to mark this day we feast
On cabbage and corned beef
In Lent we're told that beef is banned –
Now what is your belief ?

What? corned beef banned? You ask me
To say you may eat free
Now let us think this over
To see what true would be.

Well, in my day we kept the fast
No meat for forty days
A time for meditation
Reflection, prayer and praise

And yet our brother Paul has said
To eat we all are free
Not bound by law, or holy days
With that I quite agree

Corned beef and cabbage be to they
Who feast with heart that's true
I hold it not against them
If that they choose to do

But mock not those who keep the fast
They also point the way
For Lent is more important
Than is St Patrick's day.

15 Mar 00 - 06:08 PM (#195663)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Áine

An excellent offering for the challenge, Bradypus. And thank you for not sitting this one out. It just wouldn't be the same without you!

-- Áine

15 Mar 00 - 06:11 PM (#195664)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Biskit

Well I must say that I'm a fan of all of your so called lyrical twaddaling and by the way hyperbid howyado that little bouncy,bouncy thing.....WAY cool! -Biskit-

15 Mar 00 - 10:04 PM (#195818)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Mbo

Sorry...I'm feeling depressed again and the LID has set in again. I'm in no condition to do much of anything.

15 Mar 00 - 11:18 PM (#195848)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Lonesome EJ

The Irishman he stood in shame before God's Mighty Throne
The Pearly Gates were locked and chained as Paddy stood alone
While St Peter read in solemn tones from his record book of sin
"There's something ye must answer Lad, before we let ye in :

ChorusWhy oh why did ye eat corned beef upon the Lenten Day?
When Father Hennessy warned ye why did ye turn away?"

The Irishman he scratched his head as he began to think
Said "Peter pass that jug around for I surely need a drink"
He took a slug of Pete's Poteen, the finest in the sky
When Peter snatched the whiskey back and looked him in the eye (sayin')

"Why oh why did ye eat corned beef..."

"I stayed away from sausages, from steak and hocks and gammon
but me Dear Wife was upset with me and told me it was salmon.
A mighty hunger gripped me and I'd torn through half a pound
Before I glimpsed the subterfuge, and knocked it to the ground."

Peter had to laugh at this as he took another pour
(Sayin') "sure it was the seven pints made ye knock it on the floor
Now before I pull the golden chain that sends ye down the chute
I'll give ye one more chance to gain the Halo and White Suit"

The Irishman he cleared his throat "Your Holiness" he said
"All life came up from the sea, or so I've sometimes read
And all the changes then were wrought by the Mighty Hand of God
Like makin' men from porpoises and cattle from the cod

And who am I to interfere in God Almighty's plans
To snub the wondrous miracle he places in my hands?
For it is with the highest praise, that I glance down at me dish
And see the Corned Beef God Himself has transformed from a fish!"

"Ye are a mighty liar, Pat, and a sort of King of Fools
But God allows me now and then to break some of the rules
Because ye are a clever lad I'll let ye in and risk it
And thank yer lucky stars because tonight we're havin' brisket !"

15 Mar 00 - 11:22 PM (#195851)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Lonesome EJ

Oh yeah, title for above...how about Paddy and St Peter ?

15 Mar 00 - 11:33 PM (#195856)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Áine

Go LEJ!!! That has to the Grand Prize Winner for this one!! Oh goodness, my sides are hurting from laughing!! Dear me, I think I broke something when I fell outa my chair onto the floor -- lucky for you I'm in too good of a mood to be too litigious! Well done!!!!!

-- Áine

15 Mar 00 - 11:58 PM (#195876)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: bseed(charleskratz)

I think what the original news story failed to make clear is that, while St. Pat's day is often (almost always?) in Lent, this year it's on a Friday, as well, and while meatless Fridays are a thing of the past, in Lent Fridays are meatless (surely not every day in Lent is meatless, or this would not have made the news--the Irish would be well aware that meat was usually forbidden on the saint's day as throughout Lent)(not being Catholic, I'm not sure, so one of you of the faith might set me straight).

I thought that the Lizzie Borden song was a natural, the bishop mentioned as insisting on a meatless holiday being from her home town (I thought I'd have to hurry to beat anyone else to the punch on my whole first line), but I also considered "The Wearing of the Green" as a likely song to parody: "...for there's a holy law against the eating of the beef..." and thought about how ill-suited fish is for eating with stout or porter, another possible theme for a song.

I'll have to admit to great disappointment in finding my virgin effort in the Song Challenges totally ignored, except by Amos, whose attention I solicited by complimenting his song. I will have to admit that the regulars wrote some terrific songs, fully worthy of the attention which eluded mine.

--seed

16 Mar 00 - 12:18 AM (#195884)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Áine

Dearest Charles,

Do not think that your virgin effort has been ignored!

The Keeper of the Book (that being myself) usually waits until all entries to a particular challenge have been submitted to make the final awards. Since this is your first time out, I'll let you in on the advance results -- to wit, your song (and only one other) has been given the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears) -- a very prestigous award, I might add, and NOT easily come by.

I am so sorry that you (of all Mudcatters) would feel slighted in any way. Please forgive me if I have given any offense; it was purely unintentional if I did so. I hope that you will be "answering the CHALLENGE!" often and with the estimable wit and talent that makes you one of the most revered and well-liked 'Catters of them all.

Most humbly asking your forgiveness, Áine

16 Mar 00 - 12:22 AM (#195886)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Lonesome EJ

Seed, I have to admit I read the challenge first, then skipped to the end to write my song. I've just finished reading the entire thread, and honestly thought your song was the best! If Aine' sends me a trophy I'll e-mail it to you, ya cranky bastard. I especially liked " the Boston Bishop's dispensation's eased them of their fears." Nice clipped phrasing.

LEJ

PS Happy now?

16 Mar 00 - 12:24 AM (#195887)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

LEJ, I yield me, Sir! You have taken the field this day!

BSeed, dinna fash yersel' -- it's a rough crowd but they're fine once you break them in. It was plain from your scansion that you were going to rev up quickly to a mighty contender, had a keen eye for colorful lines, and could go head to head with any of us.

We were mostly silent through jealousy...see, how LEJ, waiting almost to the bell, has com eout with this beautiful weaving and gotten all that adulation from TGG for it -- and well deserved -- but the way of it is, we're like three or six puppies in a kitchen with one chunk of liver (as it were) being waved about. Well...there really is plenty of liver, but the game is not to know that, somehow...LEJ, my most awe-struck compliments, but don't be resting too firmly on no laurels with BSeed around. He has a lean and hungry look....and more than the elegant Thought of Scrod, I vouch you, on his mind.

Unlike Meebo, who thinks of little other getting scrod.

16 Mar 00 - 01:27 AM (#195904)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: wysiwyg

This just in from Hardiman the Liturgist and Ordo Kalendar Keeper-- Who explained during the Lenten supper this evening that....

Another option would be that the St. Pat's feast actually begins the night before, on Thursday at sunset-- hey! Not only corned beef, but also an extra night at the tavern!

16 Mar 00 - 02:14 AM (#195920)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: bseed(charleskratz)

Lord, I just looked in the mirror and discovered I do indeed exist. I was afraid that Gargoyle was right--that there IS a Mudcat gang of 12--but that, contrary to his belief, I'm not one of them. Thanks for holding up that mirror, folks. (I'll admit to being a bit hypersensitive--no pun intended--after another of my extended hard drive problems kept me away from the 'Cat so long I'd lost my feel for the place) Leej and Amos and all the rest, a great bunch of songs!

Now what's the next challenge, Áine?

--seed

16 Mar 00 - 03:54 AM (#195941)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

Morning everyone. Very early morning for some of our transatlantic cousins no doubt.

Biskit - you are too kind.

If you want to find out more about marquee effects, (techical terminology = the bouncy bouncy thing), then please look here

Regards

Hyp

16 Mar 00 - 07:29 AM (#195977)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

Well I just couldn't resist finishing things off with another challenge to comment on what happens after St Patrick's day.

Once again please remember that the humour is not meant to be pointing any finger's at anybody.

St Patrick's Lament or The Morning After

To the tune of No Man's Land – Eric Bogle

So how do you feel now St Patrick's has past?
For the fourteenth straight time you have fallen on your arse
A day that began with high hopes and a prayer
And now it has past somehow you're totally bare
You have drunk lots of beer and gorged out on fine food
You've lost half your memory and ended up nude
On the back of your neck you've got something tattooed
(You) can't see it to read it, but you think it is crude

Chorus

Oh the drums they beat quickly, the tunes were quite sickly
Telling tales of an Ireland – a dream of the past
We all sang in cacophonous chorus
In a pub somewhere near Waltham Forest

Do you know where the hell all your money has gone?
Do you think she'll be pleased what your wage was spent on?
You vaguely remember that early this morn
You swore on your life you'd be back before dawn
Now you're stuck in a dustbin and can't find the hatch
And you feel yourself troubled by a nasty red rash
It appears that on checking someone's trimmed off your thatch
And somewhere beneath you there's a wet smelly patch

Chorus

Oh the drums they beat quickly, the tunes were quite sickly
Telling tales of an Ireland – a dream of the past
(A) lie wrapped in a musical parcel
In a bar near the Elephant and Castle

A list of excuses flood in thick and fast
Your memories of last year well up from the past
You finally admit your in trouble for days
It's the doghouse for you – and that's if she stays
"Oh why did I do it?" you scream to the sky
Scaring the merry shit from some poor passer by
A local Policeman by chance hears your cry
Now you're locked in a cell praying "God let me die."

Chorus

Oh the drums they beat quickly, the tunes were quite sickly
Telling tales of an Ireland – a dream of the past
Why the hell did I listen to that folk band?
I wish I were back in fair Ireland

Hope eveyone enjoys this one.

Regards

Hyp.

16 Mar 00 - 07:34 AM (#195981)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

Sorry folks - a slight grammatical error in the last verse:-

Line 3 should read:-

You finally admit you're in trouble for days...

Cheers

Hyp

16 Mar 00 - 07:57 AM (#195991)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Áine

Yes, Mudcatters, there IS a BSeed! And a grand one at that. Charles, anytime you need a mirror to verify your lovely existence, just knock on my monitor and I'll hold one up.

Hyp -- AA should use your latest song in their next membership drive! Such imagery -- so, is this coming from personal experience??? Sounds like somebody learned their lesson! *BG* Actually, I was hoping to keep the stereotypical image of the Irish and drink out of the picture; but, since your song serves as a great morality tale, it's a keeper. Thanks for the timely reminder to us all to 'keep it real'! Great stuff!

-- Áine

16 Mar 00 - 08:09 AM (#195997)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

Áine

I guess I have been a tad stereotypical... But then again it's sometimes hard to avoid when you're in search of a good laugh.

Regretably in my younger days which are not so long ago I have been in that level of trouble...

I'd go into detail but there's not enough time now... Oh - All right then you twisted my arm...

Showing enough bravado to climb a 20 foot lamppost and being too addled to work out how to climb down again.

Walking in with mud soaked boots one Xmas onto my mother's fine new carpet and trying to hide the fact by wiping it off with a sodden cloth. I woke the next day to find I spatterred all the presents under the tree with mud.

Waking up after a party to find I'd got tomatoes in my video recorder.

Getting revenge for the above. (Details too umpleasant to mention in public).

I could go on all day.

Hyp ;-)

16 Mar 00 - 09:01 AM (#196028)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

There's a lusty lad...comeover the pond and teach young Meebo how its done,mate!

16 Mar 00 - 09:43 AM (#196054)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: MMario

Bseed...sorry for what appeared to be ignoring you and your challenge contribution. I have to admit, you were here when I "joined" the mudcat -- and usually I am left staring with awe at your posts..., so it's more nervous awestruck silence in the presence of one of the "oldtimers" then anything else *grin*

16 Mar 00 - 09:58 AM (#196058)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

I must say, all things considered, and all this bright and randy talent roaring about, that these challenge threads get better and better. Meebo, cheer up, there's a lad. Run around a few blocks. And if Sally and Susy Block aren't home, then run around the Millikin sisters up the street.

LEJ, Hyper, Bradypus, Charles, Mario and TGG -- you guys are masters. Thanks for a hoot.

16 Mar 00 - 10:34 AM (#196076)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Áine

*****************AND THE WINNERS ARE*****************

Well, since BSeed is hot to trot (so to speak) for another CHALLENGE!, I'll go ahead and announce the wunnerful, wunnerful winners for this one. I've added two new awards for everyone to aspire to (Amos, make some more room on that mantel!) and I hope you'll take a look at the SONG CHALLENGE! WINNERS PAGE and let me know what you think of the graphics (hee hee). Congratulations and thanks again to all my lovely Challenge!rs for your entries and the fun!

So, without further ado or adon'ts - The Winners Are:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award:
My Parish Has No Corned Beef In It by Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster:
Between Church And Stomach by Hyperabid
St Patrick's Judgement by Bradypus

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:
Corned Beef And Cabbage by BSeed(CharlesKratz
St. Paddy's Day Fast by MMario

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest:
Paddy And St. Peter by Lonesome EJ
Saint Patrick And The Bishop by Amos

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Two-Fer-One Coupon (The Two-Fer-One Coupon is awarded to those Challenge!rs who use two or more Challenge! topics in one song):
Áine's Air (2) by Hyperabid

Winners of the Whole Bag O' Chips Special Award (The Whole Bag O' Chips Award is given to the Challenge!rs who have won all the other Challenge! Awards possible):
Amos
Hyperabid
Mbo

16 Mar 00 - 10:55 AM (#196090)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

Oh, Book Mistress, thou hast outdone thyself! What a fair piece of work you have blessed us with! I love it, no mistake! Thank you so much for all that woik!

You're the best pepperpot ever!

A

16 Mar 00 - 11:14 AM (#196107)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

Hi all

Thanks again Áine for the effort and praise. A fine site.

I've been wondering. Do any of these adaptations ever make their way from the Song Challenge page to the Digitrad database or do they have to get preformed / published / acepted first?

I ask not because I want to see anything of my own on there, (what I do in the song challenges is hardly orginal), but more to find out how the database works.

Also if one were planning to try and get some of your originals down at home on CuBase and maybe just maybe put them out on CD/MP3 - How does one go about distributing?

I know this is real thread creep but what they hay?

Hyp

16 Mar 00 - 11:26 AM (#196117)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: MMario

hyp - distribution is up to you - do you mean commercially or just "among us cats". Whether or not any of these mudcat songbook song/tunes/twiddles get into the DT is strictly up to "THOSE WHO SELECT" ie: DickG and Susan_of_DT.

But at least one has. Possibly more.

16 Mar 00 - 11:31 AM (#196124)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Hyperabid

To prevent this thread from creeping too far from the subject I have reposted...

Here

Hyp

16 Mar 00 - 04:56 PM (#196314)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Kara

The Boiling of the beef ( tune of the wearing of the green)

Oh Paddy dear did you hear
the news that's going round
the bishop has band corned beef
from Brooklyn and New York town
no more the cabbage can we boil
until it is a goo
for the bishop says we will be dammed
to hell if ere we do

oh the boiling of the beef
oh the boiling of the beef
they 're excommunicating paddy's
for the boiling of the beef

When Jesus in the wideness
alone faced his trials
the aroma of that corned beef
he could smelt for miles and miles
the devil all in waitress dress
did temp him with a dish
but strong and true unto the lord
he ate nothing but fish

oh the boiling of the beef
oh the boiling of the beef
they 're excommunicating paddy's
oh the boiling of the beef

so those who have set by the booze
for the holy month of lent
have given up all excess
and on heavens path are bent
next year you could reschedule it
as to avoid the quarrels
or from the day of Mardi Gras
just give up your morals;

oh the boiling of the beef
oh the boiling of the beef
they 're excommunicating paddy's
oh the boiling of the beef

16 Mar 00 - 05:32 PM (#196333)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Amos

That one's a hoot -- a Corned Beef Marching Song! Grab your pikes and forks and come down to the Glen at the rising of the Dough...nice job, Kara! Got me grinning like a woodchuck. What an image..great!

16 Mar 00 - 05:32 PM (#196334)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Áine

Way to go Kara!! Your song has been awarded the oft-sought-after Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon -- Well done!

BTW, I got your tape and you kick some serious booty, girl! I hope you've sent Max a copy for the Mudcat Radio -- we need more great women singers like you on the show!!

-- Áine

16 Mar 00 - 08:56 PM (#196448)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: MMario

wee-hoo! Great song, Kara!

17 Mar 00 - 02:51 AM (#196639)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: bseed(charleskratz)

Indeed a great song, Kara. And Áine, I've been a bit bothered by the fact that the last line of my chorus is a bit weak to end on, so I've rearranged it for the finale:

Oh, we gotta have our corned beef here in Massachusetts,
The thought of scrod just fills our hearts with gloom.
Oh, without corned beef and cabbage here in Massachusetts,
Saint Pat would be a-spinnin' in his tomb.

Thanks, dear friend.

--seed

17 Mar 00 - 10:38 AM (#196744)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Áine

Dear 'Seed,

Your corrections have been noted and made. Please check out your songpage to make sure that I did it right. Again, a great song!!

-- Áine

22 Aug 01 - 11:21 AM (#533242)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Jack the Sailor

With apologies to Irish poet Patrick Kavanagh, music from the traditional Fáinne Geal an La /Dawning of the Day

Our bishop said on St Paddy's day, we could not eat corned beef
But that is rude, its our fav'rite food, this causes lots of grief
It's a friday but I can't eat fish upon St paddy's day
So grant me dispensation, this one thing I do pray

In Boston they are allowed to consume the Irish feast
They are allowed to join the crowd, They have a kinder priest
Oh bless their hearts, their cabbage farts will sound throughout the day
We love this food, both crude and rude. As our gas flutes we do play

I don't want to eat codfish I don't want to eat chard
But I want to do my duty, although it can be hard
I'll have to go down to Boston to celebrate this day
And when I go to the bathroom,don't get in my way

It can't be beat it is such a treat, This boiled creation is
And Guiness is so lovely, with its thick taste and fizz
The flies I shooed they weren't so good But what do you expect
When so many drunken Irishmen Their dinner they project

In Boston on St Paddy's Day, I ate corned beef and knew
If I had too much green beer, my lunch I'd surely spew
So all I drank was Guiness, and now I feel OK
And I know that fish was not the dish, to eat on St. Paddy's Day

28 Aug 01 - 11:37 AM (#536755)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Aidan Crossey

To the polka "Maggie In the Wood" (as used by Christy Moore for the song Patrick Was A Gentleman)

Oh, Jaysus cried (as well he might) to see his grieving mother
Since we shoot the breeze of tragedies, I'll nominate another
Paddy's Day will fall they say within the Lenten season
When to eat a scrap of meat would be far worse than treason
If we could at least persuade the priest to grant a dispensation
We could cook a rare oul' feast to aid our celebration
But here's the rub, unless good grub is served with our libations
Our stomachs will not be right filled and, thus, inebriation!

Ah, c'mon Pat! Get out of that! I've got a useful notion
We'll make our way, for Paddy's Day, across th'Atlantic Ocean
In Boston Town, of famed renown, where all the Irish muster
It's there we'll land and make a stand like yer man, the General Custer
The bishop's word, as there declared, gives freedom to believers
To eat at will, to eat their fill, of any grub they favour
So Pat, a mhic, let's both be quick and buy ourselves a ticket
To stay and fast, I'd curse and blast and maybe couldn't stick it

So off we flew, from Killaloe, on a Boeing 747
On the flight we reached a height where we scraping heaven
Such parades as we saw made through the boulevards of Boston
I'd like to stash the sort of cash to pay in full the cost, and
Beer dyed green, it looked obscene, but tasted unaffected
Hairy bacon, for the taking, carefully selected
Irish stew, colcannon too, dulse and carragheen, sir
Singing songs the whole night long, The Wearing Of The Green, sir

28 Aug 01 - 12:17 PM (#536774)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 15
From: Jack the Sailor

Excellent Derry!