To Thread - Forum Home

The Mudcat Café TM
https://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=20180
41 messages

Song Challenge! Part 21

08 Apr 00 - 02:27 PM (#208919)
Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Áine

Hello Challenge!rs -- We're back with another great song idea. This suggestion comes from our own Bert, and it's a hoot! Enjoy, and let's see some great submissions!

-- Áine

The Mother Of All Excuses -- A pub landlord has developed the perfect defence for the post-work tippler who needs an excuse for being late home - a phone booth which adds authentic sound effects to any drinker's excuse for being late home.

Colin Benham, who runs the Travellers Joy in Rayleigh, Essex, first built a traditional-style red kiosk by hand. He then added a selection of digitally recorded background noises, from a busy railway station to a bustling office and a noisy traffic jam.

Regulars now have the opportunity of ringing loved ones with a choice of excuses ranging from "the boss wants me to stay late at the office" to "you wouldn't believe the traffic I'm stuck in" . . . while Mr Benham pours the next round.

Mr Benham, who has no immediate plans to develop his invention, said yesterday: "It's the perfect answer to avoid those 'your dinner's in the dog' situations. I've got a CD with everything from traffic jam noise to the sound of a supermarket. It started off as an April Fool's joke but it has taken off like you wouldn't believe."

Drinkers simply request the bar staff to play a particular sound effect which is relayed through a speaker fixed inside the kiosk, and the rest is down to the caller's conscience. The landlady, Bernadette Williams, said there had been reports of the system being used for marginally more nefarious purposes, possibly involving bosses and secretaries.

She said: "There has been some talk of that kind of thing but overall we think it's a nice invention, and it's not just used by men. We built it ourselves because, being close to the railway station, we heard one or two people mention they had to leave because their dinner was ready when they really could have done with another pint.

"What happens is you get to unwind in the pub before you go home which puts you in a much better frame of mind, particularly if your partner thinks you've had an arduous time coming home. It makes for a much more harmonious evening."

The assistant manager, Tim Burchill, added: "Basically it gives you the perfect excuse to stay for that last pint, or five." Of course, too many drinks and the person on the other end of the line could be wondering what a train is doing in a supermarket . . .

08 Apr 00 - 04:10 PM (#208951)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Amos

Alright, but just one...a little one...well...not that little...I can stop anytime, you know...but another wouldn't hurt, now would it?

08 Apr 00 - 04:51 PM (#208959)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Amos

THE BAR PLAYED "TRAINS IN THE NIGHT"

Tune: The Band Played Waltzing Matilda

Click to Play


Now when I was a young man I followed me nose
And I lived life however I wanted
From the cubes at the office to the dusty saloons,
With my pals I would travel, undaunted.
But when but three-and-twenty, I met my sweet Joan,
And she made me stop rambling, and made us a home.
And gave me a baby and gave me a list
And she generally gave me what-for
.
And the bar played "Trains in the Night",
As I left all  that friendship and beauty;
And I'd bid my mates "Cheers", left them nursing their beers,
And I sailed home to tend to me duty.

And how well I remember when our second was born,
And the doctor had said "It's a daughter"
While Joannie was resting, I stopped at the corner
From some strength from their best fire-water
My mates was all there, and they made me feel swell
They showered me with drinks, and had long tales to tell,
When I finally called in, I was drunker than hell,
And the phone was picked up by her mother
.
And the bar played "Trains In the Night",
As I hastily made my excuses,
And her mum could hear plainly the 'chuff' of the trains,
And the rattle of ancient cabooses.

By the time Tod was ten it had happened again,
More than once, as I slowly went bonkers
And I'd leave Joan at home, taken in by  the phone
Drinking late,  while she tended the younkers.
Then one night in wee hours, she began to complain
And threatened with lawyers and child-support pain,
Even though she could hear I was stuck on the train.
Still, I never believed she would leave me

And the bar played "Trains in The Night",
And my story kept gradually growing,
To stay safe in my bar, and to follow my star,
And to keep me poor Missus from knowing..

I am destitute now, as l I sit on the stoop,
And wait for a visit from Todd
And my life's at a halt, all the barkeeper's fault,
For my story was perfect, b'God,
When I phoned to explain 'bout the  slow-running train,
The stupid old bugger lost track of his brains
And the phone booth was filled with betraying refrains,
And she swore she would leave me by morning

For the bar played "Stuck At the Market",
Though my story 'bout "Trains " was all right,
Gone the kids, gone the saviings, and I drink til I'm raving,
And I tell meself lies, late at night.

08 Apr 00 - 05:01 PM (#208964)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Áine

Now that didn't hurt a bit, did it? Well done, Amos!! Up to your usual high standard!

Well, now that Mr. Key-Of-Five-Minutes-Flat has started things off, let's see what the rest of you Challenge!rs can do...

-- Áine

08 Apr 00 - 05:39 PM (#208980)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Kara

Hello darling thought I had better let you know
I've been held up, you know how these things go
but I got a dreadful tooth ache
in my PM coffee break
while eating a small morsel
of your lovely toffee cake
but as luck would go the dentist
has managed to slip me in
between a set of dentures
and a small molar filling
if my luck holds out I will be home within two hours
love you honey, no I want forget the flowers



Hello darling thought I 'd better let you know
I've been held up, well you know how these things go
the florist shop was shut
and at a lose as what to do
I wandered past the travel shop
and beheld a gorgeous view
the windmills of old Amsterdam
with tulips all beset
as you can hear from the back ground noise
I am on a jumbo jet
but if my luck holds out I will be back with in a day
Love you honey, what more can I say?


Hello darling thought I 'd better let you know
I've been held up, well you know how these things go
when I got off the plane
there was no sign of a bus
so I jumped on board a nice long barge
thought it would be less fuss
we sailed along a nice canal
but then took off out to sea
and each time I ask for tulips
they just give me more tea
but if my luck holds out I will be home with in a week
love you honey, no change left now, can't speak.


Hello darling, thought I letter bet you know
I've been up held, nell you wow how these thing go.
it seems the barge was headed
right across the China sea
and we are in a bot of spother
with our targo load of cea
but as soon as we clear customs
I'll be on the first plane home
and when I'm back beside
I never more will roam
I can not see it taking me much more than a month
Love you honey, there's no need to get the humph.

08 Apr 00 - 06:06 PM (#208988)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Áine

Oh Kara -- That's simply brilliant! What's the title and the tune, please ma'am? Any chance that you could put that on a tape or sound file and get it to Max for the Mudcat Radio?

-- Áine (turning green with jealousy...)

09 Apr 00 - 09:28 AM (#209200)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Kara

Title how about " Hello Darling" tune not very clear in brain as yet but anything along the Gilbert and Sulivan lines should do.Or maybe the time to that song about the boy writting back to his parnets from one of those summer campS. I am not sure how to make a sound file. I am not sure that my computer is big enough for that type of thing. It does have a built in DAT but the quality is rather dubious. I do not have any midi equipment and analog seems to take up a huge amount of space. Maybe I should starta thread to get some advice.

10 Apr 00 - 04:06 AM (#209492)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Hyperabid

Mmmm... Being Essex born why does this thread not surprise me in the slightest!!!?

Hyp

10 Apr 00 - 07:12 AM (#209520)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Billy the Bus

Amos,

"Trains in the Night" has been stolen - to be sung April 25th (ANZAC Day) on Stewart Island NZ. That's our version of Vet's Day - where I was going to give the team Bogle's "and the band played Waltzing Matilda".

This thread - and your post (not "Last Post" I trust) is much more appropriate for our community..:^)

Our version of the "Late Drinker's Excuse" runs like this:

"Just Left!" - 25c

"On the way!" - 50c

"Not here!" - $1

"WHO?" - $2

It was penned by barlady Maureen some 20 yrs back.

If you wan't to see the original, goto South Sea Hotel - Check out "Tonks & Till".

Hoo hoo Cobra - you can imagine the hoo hoots when I sing your words come Anzac Day - tee hee.

Sam

10 Apr 00 - 08:54 AM (#209537)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Hyperabid

I'm not sure if Billy Bragg ever made it over the pond with any of his work - none the less the tune seemed so apt I just had to borrow it.

In the meantime I gather the expression a quater to is mirrored in the US by a quater of or off the hour. This might help explain the first line if it causes any confusion.

Hyp ;-P

Half Empty

To the tune of New England – Billy Bragg (Kirsty McColl)
It was twenty-five to when I sat down here
Wasn't looking for no trouble was just looking for a beer
But my mum and wife and my girlfriend Sue
Don't mention the taxman on the warpath too

They're all trying to track me down for their pound of flesh
When what I really need is a drinking sesh
I don't feel so bad now the first pint's down
But what-am-I gonna tell them when they all come round

I don't want to lie and cheat
I'm not saying I'm up for sainthood
But this beverage tastes pretty sweet
I don't want dissemble
Think the Pope's safe in his job just now
Is my pint half empty or half full

Clock is ticking away and my drink's not gone
In fact I've bought myself a chaser as a follow on
I need an excuse someone bail me out please
'Cos I'm running out of stories that'll cut the breeze

I went to the booth with the sound tracks on
My life would be saved – Nothing could go wrong
I told my wife and mum my plane would be delayed
To the sound of hippopotami getting laid

I got caught and I got burned
Need a passport to leave the house now
You'd think that this time I would have learned
I'm in sh*t and it smells deep
Fido's eating steak - I'm on dog chow
What I've sown today I'm gonna reap
- Sown today I'm gonna reap
- Even my girlfriend thinks I am a creep
- Sown today I'm gonna re- - - - ap

(Last note held as guitar bit comes to an end)

Hyp

10 Apr 00 - 09:15 AM (#209551)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Spider Tom

Here's another lame excuse, based on some story, very loose.

T'was a dry and dusty summers day,
Bill had been out walking,br> His shrivelled tongue, was laying dry,
Hardly fit for talking
Billys old eyes jumped for joy,
As he shuffled round the bend,
Cause in the scrub, was a country pub,
" The Boozer at Dead-End".

Now Bill, had never been a one,
To tipple, in the morning
Cause early drinking, leads to, late,
Of that, I give you warning,
But thirst had got the better of,
His sober constitution,
He slid on up, into the pub,
And alcohol pollution.

Bill knew of early drinking,
But he still took the bait,
The beer rushed to his belly,
He had no time to wait
He was meeting up with Mabel
somewhere down the road,
He left the pub, a'staggering,
And stinking like a toad.

He caught up with his Mabel
He had thought up, an excuse,
He knew she might not swallow it,
And he'd cop a grand abuse,
But Billy was a tryer, and also quite a liar
So he slurred, and spun his story,
He put it to good use

"You're looking angry, Mabel,
And I wouldn't blame you, hon'
But I've just saved the parsons life,
We've only got the one,
He'd taken quite a tumble,
He fell head first in a keg,
And ya' know he would have surely drowned,
Ya' wouldn't want him dead."

"There was no time,I thought real fast,
I grabbed a garden hose,
I stuck it in the barrel,
Just past the parsons nose,
I swigged the amber fluid,
That was frothing in that keg
Would you believe the stuff was beer
See, I spilt some on me leg".

Now Mabel looked suspicious,
But she kept her lips shut tight,
She'd chat first, to the parson,
She would check him out, alright,
But Bill he smiled contented,
He knew the reason why,
The parson wouldn't spill the beans,
He'd been drinking on the sly.

10 Apr 00 - 09:16 AM (#209552)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Amos

Billy,

What a kick! Let me know how it goes -- your sure the aged Veterans won't be offended at my lifting their tune? :>) Just tell 'em it's Folk Process, and Max said it was ok. I'm flattered!

A.

10 Apr 00 - 09:23 AM (#209557)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Áine

Dear Hyp,

Yes, a quarter to (or till) equals a quarter 'of'. A quarter 'after' would be your quarter 'off'. You know us Yanks, always in perpetual motion! *BG*

Billy has made it over here -- but I don't know this particular tune. Don't matter much, 'cause your lyrics are exquisitely funny on their own! An excellent submission, as usual. My favorite line - 'Need a passport to leave the house now' - great stuff!

-- Áine

10 Apr 00 - 09:27 AM (#209561)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Áine

Spider Tom -- You really are a sly one, aren't you? Does this song come from first hand experience, Mmmmmmm?? I love the 'Would you believe the stuff was beer, See, I spilt some on me leg' part!! What title and tune does this one go to? You guys are getting too good -- I'm going to have to come up with some harder challenges!

-- Áine

10 Apr 00 - 05:26 PM (#209824)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Áine

I know this is a little long -- I wrote several more verses, but I cut out (at least I hope) the more superfluous ones...

-- Áine

You Won't Believe, Dear
(Tune: You Are My Sweetheart)

You won't believe, dear
What happened to me,
While I was waiting for the next train
I met a man, dear
Some poor old cogger,
Who was wandering down the lane.

He beckoned to me,
I thought to beg, dear
Wiping his nose upon his sleeve,
He said, "Come 'ere, mate,
"Got sumfin' fer ya."
And I thought I ought to leave.

That's when I looked him
Right in the eyes, dear
And a change came over his face
He was an alien,
Not from around here,
Planning to take me to outer space!

I tried to run then,
Like you'd expect, dear
But me pins were frozen stiff
It was just like when
I drink too much, dear
And I need a little lift.

We wandered 'round a bit,
And finally found, dear
His interstellar travelling ship
But it was booted by
A meter maid, dear
So we stopped for a little nip.

Well, that old spaceman,
I have to say, dear
Must not be used to strong whiskey
After three or four,
He couldn't find the door,
So the driving was up to me.

Being an honest man,
I paid the fine, dear
And got the boot removed at last
I rolled him inside
His jolly craft, dear
And he showed me which way to blast.

I tried to tell him,
I had no licence, dear
But he belched and then fell over
Although I tried then,
To steer the ship, dear
I barely made the Cliffs of Dover.

Oh can't you hear, dear
The sea gulls calling
As they fly by overhead?
Yes, I'll be late, dear
As you can clearly hear,
So why don't you just go on to bed?

10 Apr 00 - 07:52 PM (#209911)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Bradypus

To the tune of 'Home on the Range'


O Give me a Phone!

O give me a phone
With a dialling tone
And selection of backgrounds to play
It will back my excuse
When I put it to use
And I'll stay in the boozer all day!

Chorus

Phone, phone in the pub
With selection of backgrounds to play
When these noises are heard
They will back up my words
And I'll stay in the boozer all day

When I'm phoning the wife
I don't fear for my life
There's the sound of the office on disc
When I say I work late
She can hear that's my fate -
I can stay in the pub without risk.

Or when phoning the boss
I am not at a loss
To convince him I'm stuck in a jam
Tyres swish, sirens blare
From the sounds in the air
He will think that he knows where I am.

What a wonderful booth
For disguising the truth
And giving me time in the bar
I just can't have enough
Of this vile old black stuff –
Have another, whoever you are.

Once I'd had quite a few
I played track number two
Told the boss I was still at my desk
Then the boss phoned the wife
And she gave me some strife
Now my life is a terrible mess

Still the booth's quite a game
I've achieved my dear aim
And I'll never again know dismay
For without job or wife
For the rest of my life
I can stay in the boozer all day !


10 Apr 00 - 10:32 PM (#209988)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Spider Tom

'Aine,
The true story? I didn't do it,I wasn't there, and He won't "dob", he wouldn't dare.
I'm sorry, my words usually come first, then I work on a tune to follow,(I try not to steal too many tunes so mostly work this way.)But that could just be a lame excuse; couldn't it?
I'll call it,"Parson, Time In A Country Pub."

11 Apr 00 - 11:21 AM (#210043)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Hyperabid

Aha Finally I've managed to get on the cat! It is quiet a trial to be incatmunnicado all day...

Bradypus - an excellent ditty - with just the right twist at the end.

Aine - my favorite muggle - sounds to me like you've been drinking too much butterbeer whilst watching the x-files! I'll have to watch out for your saucer next time I go visit my brother in Kent.

Rgds

Hyp

11 Apr 00 - 11:21 AM (#210044)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Amos

Terrific, you guys. LOL!

11 Apr 00 - 11:34 AM (#210048)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Áine

Ah Bradypus,

I agree with Hyp -- an excellent song indeed!

Spider Tom,

An great title for a great song!

You all are doing wonders with this Challenge! Now, where's Bert with his song -- this was his suggestion after all??

-- Áine

11 Apr 00 - 07:43 PM (#210325)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Bradypus

Is a Hogwarts song challenge too specialist a field - or do we do the reverse of the Hogwarts song, where Aine takes the Dumbledore role and gives us a tune, and we all fit our own words to it, regardless of whether it scans or not, and so all finish at our own time ??

11 Apr 00 - 08:01 PM (#210329)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Amos

HEy, you guys -- I'm out of any Hogwarts stuff. I'm Dumbledoreanistically challenged!

12 Apr 00 - 04:52 AM (#210509)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Hyperabid

Really Amos - Ithought you were Dumbledore

12 Apr 00 - 10:35 AM (#210602)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Mbo

I thought that Dumbledoors were made up animals in "Errantry" by J.R.R. Tolkien, from "The Adventures of Tom Bombadil."

--Mbo

12 Apr 00 - 10:46 AM (#210608)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Hyperabid

Mbo

Professor Albus Dumbledore is the head of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry...

See you next term...

Hyp ;-)

12 Apr 00 - 04:05 PM (#210765)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Amos

Oh, that Dumbledore. Hmmmph.

12 Apr 00 - 05:28 PM (#210814)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Áine

Well, it appears that we've exhausted all interested Challenge!rs on this topic -- So, I'll just let you know now that I'll be posting the next one tomorrow morning (Mudcat time). Just a warning before I go -- no offense is meant or to be taken concerning the next Challenge! by any member or wannabe member of PETA, SPCA, RSPCA, or other international affiliate thereof. It's a real 'corker', so to speak -- and I'm hoping for some really good songs out of y'all for the next one!

Awards for this Challenge! will be given out tomorrow morning also; so, if you haven't submitted your song yet, get busy! You've got about 16 hours -- if you don't sleep, that ought to be enough time...*BG*

-- Áine

12 Apr 00 - 10:12 PM (#210953)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: GUEST,Great Goo

Trains in the Tavern

Oh there's trains in tavern Hear that mighty whistle blow Yeah there's trains in the tavern There's no place to go The traffic is all backed up My beer is getting warm Oop's I'd love to see ya honey But I just can't get home Oh there's trains in the tavern An I'm stuck right here

I was hopin that I'd get home But it's no can do Yeah, I was hoping that I'd get home But I can't get through You can hear from all the noise That the traffics in a knot An I'd love to talk more honey But my beer is getting hot I was thinkin that I'd be home But I'm stuck right here

Well it's the answerin machine boys It's not even her Yeah, It's the answerin machine boys I'm in trouble sure Better draw another pounder Put on that jet plane sound When she comes in through that door I will have my final round It's the answering machine boys An I stuck right here

Oh there's trains in tavern Hear that mighty whistle blow Yeah there's trains in the tavern There's no place to go The traffic is all backed up My beer is getting warm Oop's I'd love to see ya honey But I just can't get home Oh there's trains in the tavern An I'm stuck right here

13 Apr 00 - 02:32 AM (#211036)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: KT

Question from a newbie....I recently discovered song challenges, and find them absolutely fascinating and very inspiring. I also very recently found song challenge 20, and decided to have a go. Is it too late to post and if not, is there a trick I should know about? You are all amazing!!!!

13 Apr 00 - 04:41 AM (#211051)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Hyperabid

Go ahead KT

Aunty Aine will find a home for all efforts.

Cheers Hyp ;-)

13 Apr 00 - 04:45 AM (#211052)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Hyperabid

Lyrics sound good to that one Great Goo - particularly...

My beer is geeting warm
Oops I'd love to see you honey
But I just can't get home

Any tune in mind???

Regards Hyp

13 Apr 00 - 08:58 AM (#211104)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: MMario

KT - the official rule is: "No submission is too late" Past challenges are listed on a page off the Mudcat Songbook, and you can find the link to THAT up under "Quick Links"

13 Apr 00 - 09:52 AM (#211126)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Áine

Hyp and MMario -- Thanks for holding down the fort while I was away at the hockey game! Well, watching the first game in the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. BTW, the Stars won over the Oilers 2 to 1. It's terrible being a hockey fanatic, as well as a music fanatic -- but, you really can't jump up and down like a wild woman with a guitar hanging in front of you, can ya??? Very cathartic!

KT -- here's a link to the Song Challenge!s From The Past Page. Please feel free to submit a song for any past Challenge!, and we're all looking forward to seeing you in the ones to come.

GreatGoo -- Excellent song! Along with the lines that Hyp noted, I really liked

When she comes in through that door
I will have my final round

Now, what title and tune go with your song?

I'll be posting the awards for this Challenge! in a little while, and then we're on to No. 22 -- hehehehehe....

-- Áine

13 Apr 00 - 10:53 AM (#211163)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: GreatGoo

RE: Trains in the Tavern

Aaaauuuughghhhhhh forgot the

Oh well, that's the breaks.

"Putin Nails in my Coffin", the chorus music. It has a wicked guitar line in it.

David

13 Apr 00 - 11:33 AM (#211183)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Áine

********************DA WINNAHS!!********************

All right!! You guys are getting better and better at this . . . Yeah! OK, here are the Winners for SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21. Congrats, Cudos and Thanks to everyone -- a wonderful bunch of songs and folks. Well done! And don't forget to keep an eye out for No. 22 coming up soon...

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster:
The Bar Played "Trains In The Night" by Amos
Trains In The Tavern by Great Goo

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:
Half Empty by Hyperabid
Hello Darling by Kara
O Give Me A Phone! by Bradypus

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest:
Parson, Time In A Country Pub by Spider Tom

13 Apr 00 - 11:48 AM (#211193)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Hyperabid

Latest offer at Ebay - Stacking Cowchip rack of similar design to CD rack - patented for SONG CHALLENGE regulars... *BG*

Hyp

28 Aug 01 - 09:47 AM (#536699)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Jack the Sailor

To the tune of "The pub with no beer"

I'll tell you a story and it aint so sad,
I was down at the pub and feeling not bad
It was time to go home but I didn't want to
So the landlady told me just what to do

If you want to stay here for another few rounds
Go to that booth and we'll play a few sounds
Your wife won't suspect you because what she will hear
Is the sounds she'd be hearing if you were there

Well there's nothing more useful, moving or clear
Then to play those excuses and have some more beer

The first time I called her, they played the office
And the bloke on the sound track sounded just like my boss
I said dinner will spoil it will be such a loss
I have to late dear, no matter the cost

Well there's nothing more useful, for my career
Then to play those excuses and have some more beer

The next time I called home, they played traffic Jam.
After all of that working can you guess where I am?
Stuck on the free way alone in my car
I would not think of spending time in a bar

Well there ain't nothing wrong with fooling my wife
If it helps to ease all our marital strife

Well the last time I called her they played supermarket
She said that I should take my keester and park it
She said don't you come home, she said stay away
Your so fecking drunk you forgot call display

28 Aug 01 - 09:56 AM (#536708)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: SharonA

ha HA ha ha ha! Good one, Jack!

30 Aug 01 - 04:10 AM (#537980)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Aidan Crossey

To the tune of "Six Pack To Go" as performed by Hank Thompson.

BACKGROUND AUDIO
Hey Mr Bartender, don't you be so slow
I got time for one more round and some background audio
When it's time to quit
I'll be in deep shit
I ain't gonna worry though
Please Mr Bartender, give me some background audio

I've called my baby twenty times, with different background sounds
She don't know that I've been out, painting up the town
When I get home
She'll break my bones
I ain't gonna worry though
Please Mr Bartender, give me some background audio

Please Mr Bartender, play some background noise
I don't want my wife to know I'm drinking with the boys
D-I-V
O-R-C-E
Whenever I get home
Please Mr Bartender, give me some background audio

I got myself a late night pass, thanks to special 'ffects
But when the truth emerges, I'm gonna be her ex!
I'll turn the key
She'll pounce on me
I ain't gonna worry though
Please Mr Bartender, give me some background audio

30 Aug 01 - 03:50 PM (#538350)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Gareth

A Story wot this theme reminds me of.

Some 15 or 16 years ago, in a pub in Sittingbourne, Kent Uk, hard by the station it was the custom to adjourne for a beer or 10. Now one member of the club, Alf had a habit of ringing his wife on the lines of "I'am calling from Victoria (a London Station)". This he reckoned would give him an extra hours drinking, and the state of dear old British Rail Network South East made it very plausible.

Ah, Alf took that pitcher to the well once to often.

"Tell mummy I'am phoning from Victoria" - "Oh no your not !" His wife was behind him.

Poor sod, he was posted missing from that night on.

IUt's a true story, I know 'cos I was there.

Gareth

30 Aug 01 - 04:22 PM (#538386)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 21
From: Jack the Sailor

Busted!!

The backgroud noises wouldn't have helped him!!