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18 Apr 00 - 09:19 AM (#213590) Subject: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: MMario *These are the voyages of the MudCat Tavern Enterprise. It's multi-year mission, to boldly go where music has never gone before...to take Folk and The Blues into the realms of the internet and beyond. |
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18 Apr 00 - 09:23 AM (#213594) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Allan C. S-s-s-s-s-st-pum. Ow! S-s-s-s-s-st-pum. Ow! S-s-s-s-s-st-pum. Ow! Gotta get that door fixed! |
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18 Apr 00 - 09:33 AM (#213600) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: alison "Here let me help." the stunning redhead reaches into her ample cleavage (hey this is the future.. I can dream *grin*) and pulls out an old tipper and jams it under the door, "this should hold it while you get your other 3 heads through!" "Oh captain....... weren't we supposed to turn right at that last planet?" but the captain's thoughts are obviously elsewhere........
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18 Apr 00 - 09:39 AM (#213605) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: wysiwyg Where's the BeamMe port? ~S~ |
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18 Apr 00 - 09:40 AM (#213606) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Caitrin Ensign Caitrin takes her seat at the front of the bridge. "Where shall I set course to, Captain?" |
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18 Apr 00 - 09:48 AM (#213613) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Mooh "Pluto, Sugar-pie. Here, slip this D-45 into the replicator but set the controls to repair the headstock inlay, I got an intergalactic photoshoot tonight on Pluto and I want to look my best...you don't think these tights make my bum look big, do you?" "While we're there, you stand outside in the cold so I can slip into something cool when I'm done with the shoot." |
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18 Apr 00 - 10:05 AM (#213628) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Allan C. Thanks for the help, Alison. How'd you ever find that tipper in there anyway? "Ample" barely describes them! BTW, I only have two heads ;-) Why am I not surprised to hear ELO music being piped in the overhead speakers? They were always before their time. I am happy to discover that the hydrophonically grown coffee is at least on a par with Dark Sumatra. I'll have another cup of it just to "settle my nerves". Anybody got the chords to "I'd Rather Make Coffee Than Love"? |
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18 Apr 00 - 10:10 AM (#213634) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: SINSULL Guys - could we "go boldly"? I hate split infinitives? |
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18 Apr 00 - 10:15 AM (#213639) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Beam me up, quick, I've been sitting on that cold planet for so long I've developed asteroids. Does that replicator do a decent Metaxas 3-star? Good, and if you'll play Peggy Seeger's "Spacegirl" I'll just thaw out then you can beam me down to Anglesey to save me a five hour drive tomorrow and by the time I'm back next Wednesday, you'll be half way to Alpha Centauri! RtS |
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18 Apr 00 - 10:21 AM (#213642) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Amos A blonde, steely-eyed Terran in red spandex trousers and a dark maroon tunic, cinched at the waist by an all-purpose Space Rovers utility belt, his shoulders bright with pips and his chest emblazoned only by the double-barred golden jumping catfish emblem of the Loyal Confederation of Galactic 'Cats, steps quietly onto the bridge and orders a vacuum-jar of Vilix Brownius, the best foul brew known in this quadrant of the Galaxy. "Howdy, Miss C.! Where we bound? You ever hear from that Arcturan spice rancher you were gonna go hitch up with? Y'know, if you ever change yer mind, I have some nice property out on Deneb Sixteen looking for some good management. But I know your heart's here on the old ME. I respect that. I could never leave this old bucket of cosmic bolts myself..." |
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18 Apr 00 - 10:22 AM (#213643) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: MMario *sorry sinsull - correct or not, the phrasing is dictated by the official StarTrek manual.* **just consider "boldly go" as a single multi-part verb. I boldly go, you boldly go, he/she/it boldly goes** Allen - was that a typo, or were you actually aware that the MT Enterprise is equipped with the latest in hydrophonic systems, growing plants in sound waves eliminating the necessity for those messy nutrients and heavy water tanks of the hydroponic systems. |
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18 Apr 00 - 10:26 AM (#213646) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: catspaw49 Spaw frantically searches for his towel. He has rarely known where his towel is and this has caused significant problems before. Like dangling prepositions. Excessive joint pain in sexual positions. Incomplete sentences. He senses the approach of the huge battle cruiser and looks around the room. Where could it be? He rarely did the wash so it couldn't be in the dirty clothes. Perhaps it was still standing in the corner of the bathroom..........He had to hurry!!! Spaw |
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18 Apr 00 - 10:53 AM (#213664) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Kelida Kelida wonders what all the fuss is about: hasn't anyone ever seen a spaceship before? Geez, how can I write a song about it if everyone is so noisy? Spaw--linen closet? Maybe behind the toilet. Kelida turns back to thoughts on a song about this (maybe, just maybe. . .) Peace |
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18 Apr 00 - 10:56 AM (#213667) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: alison I don't care what you call it 'Spaw.... that is not the captain's log... now PUT IT AWAY!!!! before I call security..... |
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18 Apr 00 - 10:56 AM (#213668) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Giac From across her face, Giac pulls loose her pet Tribble, Emily, (Schwoooolp!) and heads for the Fallow Deck (where Tribbles go, nothing grows). |
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18 Apr 00 - 10:57 AM (#213670) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Mbo Captain, this is Lieutenant Mbo down in engineering...could you PLEEEZE offer a shipwide recommendation NOT to change the screensavers & wallpaper on the engine stations down here in Engineering? Chief Engineer Madame LaFarge will blow her top if it happens again. Also if I may speak freely Sir, our warp engines are a MESS! The warp grid hasn't been cleaned in years, the EPS conduits are all cruddy, not to mention the warp manifold and antimatter injectors! We'll be able to make Warp 5 if we're lucky! Oooh oooh...gotta put work on hold! Electric Light Orchestra is on! "I am kiiiiiiiin of the uuuuuuuuniverse, I am kiiiiiiing of the skieeeeeeeesss...." --Lieutenant Mbo |
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18 Apr 00 - 11:09 AM (#213678) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Amos The Terran whips a condensed chord enunciator out of a vest pocket and sets it to "Antique 12-String" modality. activated by the rhythm of his fingertips across one edge, it generates the sound of a full scale Gibson 12-string from an era long gone, in whcih the Terran spends much itme in theholodeck. Waving his brew with the other hand (ah, modern conveniences) he sings his favorite antique love song: "Oh, my true love is an ordinary thing You'd know her any where, By her pink antennae and her polka dot skin And the twenty-three dimples on her chinny chin chin And the hydrogen sulfide in her hair! Oh me darlin, How I miss you! I never needed you so much 'Til I lost your Crimson eyelids And the scales I love to touch! Yourmy cosmic Little sweetheart And your thought waves are the most Sending waves if amourous thunder Up and down the Martian coast! Oh..." He stops suddenly, his att ention riveted to a huge form materializing on the forward view screen. |
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18 Apr 00 - 11:16 AM (#213685) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: MMario In the forward screen appears the ghostly image of an old Mississippi sternwheeler. Across her bows is written, in an obscure dialect of Confederation Standard "Albert Hansell" In unision the bridge crew gasps "It's the Ship that never died!" |
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18 Apr 00 - 11:22 AM (#213689) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler ...over the communicator comes the sound of Duelling Banjos. The away crew start gibbering:"No, Captain, don't beam me down there, I'll be Borgered if I'll go back to the swamps!". RtS |
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18 Apr 00 - 11:32 AM (#213696) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Amos "SHIELDS UP!!!", cried the Terran in his best baritone command voice. "That's no steamboat!!! See that curved flair behind the paddles!!? -- that's a mark 9 FTL drive emission tube!! Them's no Missourians!" |
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18 Apr 00 - 11:33 AM (#213697) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Giac Suddenly down a corridor comes a certain young lieutenant, pursued by a whord of Rizan women, screaming, "Stop, hale youth, resistance is nubile.!" |
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18 Apr 00 - 11:51 AM (#213711) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Amos Horde? Whored? Hoared? Hard. Nubile! Whew! (Too much Brownius Vilius...) |
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18 Apr 00 - 11:54 AM (#213714) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Caitrin "It's a Klingon Bird of Prey, Captain!" Ensign Caitrin called, reading the screen. "It's cloaked as an Ancient Earth steamship, of the river variety. Arm photon banjos? Or the zitherphaser?" |
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18 Apr 00 - 12:06 PM (#213722) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Amos The Terran sank to the bulk head and staggered toward the bridge doors. Zzzphuttt!! OW! "Give 'em the Barbershop tremolo wave, C! That'll phase right out of their cacophonous heads!" He staggered through the iris-entry and made his way to the infirmary, seeking a B-12 Sobriety pack to restore his faculties. His expectations were thwarted as he entered the medical wing on C deck and found the head medtech and about thirty shapely interns, plastered on some custom brew based on rubbing alcohol, caroling drunkenly in the recovery ward, strumming on microzithers, pocket chord enunciators, banging lab tubes together in four four and weaving a sort of haphazard harmony to their favorite battle-song: The arching sky is calling
Out ride the sons of Terra.
We pray for one last landing
We rot in the molds of Venus.
We've tried each spinning space mote
The rust-red Martian deserts,
Let the sweet fresh breezes heal me,
The boozy wailing was not about to be interurpted by a medical call, so he helped himself to the Sobriety B12 pack from a supply cabinet, pasted it across his forehead and pulled the activator tab. |
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18 Apr 00 - 12:18 PM (#213727) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: MMario As the no-longer-quite-so-drunken Terran exited sickbay, the air shimmerred briefly, and a stangely vulpine holgram appears. "Aha!" the figure crooned softly to itself, "under the latest 250 year extension after death of the 2nd generation descendant of the author clause, royalties are owed on that performance. I shall collect!" |
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18 Apr 00 - 12:28 PM (#213742) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Amos A shapely redheaded intern with blazing green eyes and a mischievous smile stepped up to the hologram and sprayed it with bactine mist. "Sorry, Space-crust, you're outta luck. I have documented hereditary rights based on the original publication contract signed by my great-to-the-tenth grandfather, old Godfather Heinlein himself! So go suck vacuum!" The hologram, clearly disappointed, folded in on itself and disappeared. |
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18 Apr 00 - 01:18 PM (#213779) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: GUEST,JenEllen *swish of a door opening and closing* A maiden enters the bridge of the Enterprise. She is clothed in a style vaguely reminiscent of the Earth 'sari'. Her bare feet make no sound on the hard floor. She is balancing a basket of fruit on one hip, and another perches precariously on her head. Years ago, in the Cyban wars, she was captured and tried as a spy. She was removed from her planet Mandola by the vile Capos, and forced into slavery. She promptly escaped, but when she returned home, Mandola was nothing but a nebulous cloud of space dust. So now she spends her days working in the hydroponic gardens of the Enterprise. Her skirts hardly ever get caught in the door anymore, and the crew is quite understanding about her lack of footwear. It is amazing what folk will forgive for a tomato the size of a softball.
She fills the fruit baskets on the bridge, and sings a song to herself as she heads back to the gardens. It was a song taught to her by her great-to-the-tenth grandmother, an Earth shaman |
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18 Apr 00 - 01:53 PM (#213802) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: catspaw49 (no Kestrel burning up huh JE?) Spaw hated the teleporting stuff. It had taken several surgeries after the Borzglaats had picked him up to restore his thumbs to his hands, although it had been easier to scratch in the mornings when they were located next to his genitals. He took a quick look to be sure that everything was properly situated and that his bag with the small possum and his towel had accompanied him. All seemed to be OK although the towel was still stiff (maybe they had a laundry on board) and smelled vaguely of possum piss. Looking deeper into the bag he could not locate the extra clothing he always carried. "Damn teleporting," he said under his breath. Now he really had to find a laundry on board this massive ship......But first, a bar! He'd developed a taste for Tennessee whiskey on the blue-green planet and he hoped that this ship had picked up a few cases as it passed. He picked up his bag and walked to the nearest door. It remained closed. He waved his hand around where the beam crossed and still nothing. Finding a small, silvery button alongside the frame he pushed it repeatedly. Still nothing. Finally he kicked the door in a fit of anger and it opened with a mild whooshing sound that sounded somehow critical. "Fockin' computer robotic shit," he mumbled as he stepped through the portal. The door slammed shut hard behind him, almost catching him in the middle. Spaw shook his head and began his search. Spaw |
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18 Apr 00 - 01:56 PM (#213808) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Mbo Now where's that Lieutenant Barky? She was supposed to help me reinitialize the dilithium reaction chamber... --Lieutenant Mbo |
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18 Apr 00 - 01:57 PM (#213809) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Amos The Terran, eyes ablaze, watches as the barbershop harmonics penetrate the thinly disguised Bird of Prey; the flimsy steamboat facade vaporizes and the keening four-part sonic waves, gliding and falling in a crooning energy pattern known for long-forgotten reasons as the "Sweet Adelaide" blockbuster pattern in the tactical manuals, quickly shakes the badly designed Bird into segments, opening up its inner compartments to the ravaging and lethal effects of raw vacuum. Free from present danger, the Mudcat Enterprise resumed her original course for Deneb's system, and the Terran gladly turned his attention to the beautiful Mandolan Maiden. "Oh, thanks, Mandy!", he said grabbing a large mango the size of never mind what... and she smiled brightly, and he melted to his spaceboots. |
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18 Apr 00 - 02:01 PM (#213814) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: MMario |
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18 Apr 00 - 02:31 PM (#213830) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: katlaughing In the midst of the the destruction of the attack ship, Counselor Kat A'Troi, paused in her meditative replenishing harmoniser arpeggio, a slight shift in the fabric of protection caught her attention. Ah, she thoughtmore souls to crossover...may they find their true spirit forms in the great Void of Silence; they will crave it ov'rmuch after the Barbershop annihilation. Settling into a Buddha posture once more, she floated gently above the altar in her office, closed all but her Third Eye, and began weaving the golden, purple, violet, green, and orange, blue, and pink Threads of Light emanating from her fingers, spinning a matrix of Harmony in the Air, as a counterpoint to the negative vibrations of demise. The spiritual and emotional wellbeing of the crew depended on it, along with their Vile Black Stuff, sonus-sessions, and other romping pleasures. A'Troi let out a deep sigh, almost a purr of content-ment, and let herself meld with the Consiousness of One... |
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18 Apr 00 - 02:39 PM (#213832) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: GUEST,JenEllen LMAO 'Spaw! Forget the scratching, it gives 'thumb screws' a whole new meaning don't it? *BG*
Mandy finished the daily fruiting, and returned to the growing deck. There had been problems with the water misting system in the oxygen terrarium again, her day was more than cut out for her she thought, as she gathered her tools and hose line.
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18 Apr 00 - 02:41 PM (#213834) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: MMario The MT Enterprise continues to cruise onward into the DADGAD sector, warp drive in mxymelodion mode...
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18 Apr 00 - 04:51 PM (#213906) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: GUEST,Peter T. "No thank you, Admiral, I prefer English breakfast if you have it." The Admiral grunted: "Let it be so." A cup of English Breakfast tea appeared. "Now can you explain why you sent that distress call. The Federation has had its curiosity somewhat piqued. We don't often get requests from Gaians." The green man smiled."We have been at odds for some time, it is true. You techno-idiots with your inveterate vertebrate bias, your pseudo-American Federation with its necessary enemies that you yourselves have created thanks to your arrogant blundering, your Intergalactic Bank which is underdeveloping the margins of the universe for your own disgusting purposes, and your dismal clothes sense." "Please," the Admiral replied. "I once spent a week on Chomsky-7, and that was enough for one lifetime. Get to the point." The green man smiled more broadly, revealing a disconcerting set of green teeth. "As you know, following the grim terra-rist wars in what was left of the Earth in the 21st century, the ruins of the planet were sold to Macrosoft DisneyMart, and those who would not become salespeople were given the choice of being either exterminated or killed, depending on their preference." There was a sudden explosion. "Excuse me briefly," said the Admiral, "I think I should go up on the bridge. But finish your tea. We can finish the exposition later." He left the room. The green man shrugged, and began a conversation concerning recent developments in complexity theory with a pot of geraniums mostly named Daisy sitting on a nearby table. |
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18 Apr 00 - 08:16 PM (#214014) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Caitrin I believe someone needs to direct Spaw to Ten Forward, eh? |
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18 Apr 00 - 09:22 PM (#214053) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Mbo Captain, Sir, this is Lieutenant Mbo down in engineering....bad news...we got voles in the Jeffries tube under the warp core! If we don't inject some anesthazine gas in that tube soon, we'll be dead in space! Commander LaFarge is hopping mad--she says "Off with their heads!" Please send a security team down here? "Look out space! We're gonna change our place!"--Lieutenant Mbo |
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18 Apr 00 - 09:49 PM (#214069) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: katlaughing A'Troi hums to herself, Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping..into the future... |
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18 Apr 00 - 10:02 PM (#214085) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Mbo Lieutenant Mbo instinctively began to sing a song he'd written many years ago.. The Earth is nice and cozy but it's not for me I need a place where my spirit can fly free Somewhere distant, huge and vast... A little of the future and a little of the past Blasing a trail to the other side Where suns and worlds collide In my starship I will ride I find myself a place to reside.... --Mbo |
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18 Apr 00 - 10:12 PM (#214092) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Caitrin You wanna fly like an eagle, kat? : ) |
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18 Apr 00 - 10:37 PM (#214106) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: catspaw49 "Yo Admiral...How's tricks?" Spaw asked as the Terran Commander swept past him in the corridor. The admiral slowed and a quizzical look crossed his face but he shook it off and pressed on toward his destination. The door that the admiral had just exited was still open and Spaw stepped inside. Once again the door acted as though it were trying to catch him and slammed shut. Mumbling a few profanities he looked around the room and saw the green man talking to the geranium. "Yo bro....How ya' doin'?" The green man turned and stared at him with an air of disdain, but when he spoke it was friendly enough.
"Good day sir.....May I introduce you to my friend Daisy here? They are all named Daisy except this one who answers only to Gladys." The green man had returned to his conversation with Daisies and Gladys and Spaw turned and faced the door once again. This time the door remained shut even after several attempts at pushing the button. He applied his huge foot to the task and with another indignant whoosh the door slid open. Glaring with great menace at the door, Spaw went through and on down the passage trying to decipher the symbols affixed to each door. Spaw |
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18 Apr 00 - 10:39 PM (#214107) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Mbo Not exactly...same album though... Did you see the lights As they fell all around you? Did you hear the music? Serenade from the stars Wake up, wake up Wake up and look all around you We're lost in space And the time is our own Did you feel the wind As it blew all around you Did you feel the love That was in the air Wake up, wake up Wake up and look around you We're lost in space And the time is our own The sun comes up And it shines all around you You're lost in space And the earth is your own --Mbo |
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19 Apr 00 - 12:21 AM (#214157) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: GUEST,JenEllen Little did the Green Man know, the Daisies and Gladys had lied when they said they were turning over a new leaf..... The microphones and fiber optic recorders hid in their delicate foliage took in everything the Green Man said and did. The information filtered down through their roots to the transmitter in the bottom of their planter, and was transmitted once again to the garden deck. "By Orion's Belt! I hate going in there!" though Mandy as the door swished to a close behind her. The gigantic man-eating plant called itself Frodis, and had taken it's own room in the garden deck just shortly after Mandy arrived on board. Most of the time the plant sat swaying and humming to itself, and really was no bother, but days like today made her fear for her very life. She coiled the misting hose, and put away her trowel. The hose was for water, the trowel was filed razor sharp....for protection. Frodis was alive with electricity. It's branches tingled and sparked with electricity. Gladys and the Daisies were telling it everything it needed to know. |
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19 Apr 00 - 09:26 AM (#214257) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Peter T. The animal smell of the departing mammal was more pungent than the usual nauseating fragrance of human beings, but the Green Man had more or less become used to that. Being half-human himself, and having had to endure many many years of supposedly amusing references to a 20th century purveyor of canned vegetables, he could be as dormant about it as any decent plant. But his ridiculous human side kept bursting in. When he thought of what the Elders had tried to teach him, and the years among the Great Oaks of Aldebaran, and what a ridiculous shoot he still was, it made him want to stop watering himself and just wither away. Not to mention being reduced to talking to geraniums. If Rose his mother knew that he was talking to geraniums. They were so boring -- I mean, one calls herself Daisy, and the rest nod their heads, and do the same. Too much cross-pollination. A bunch of phytoborgs. You might as well spend a weekend with lichens showing you slides of their favourite rocks. He put down his cup of tea, and sighed. He had hoped that at least the tea would help, that it would taste like that famous night on Omega-Ceylon when he had licked the burning sweat off the heaving, liquifying body of the infamous Tea Lady -- he could remember the whole ritual -- the vast hot vessel, the boiling of their desire, the infusion of his and her leaves into the bubbling water, the five minutes of steeping, no more, the pouring of each other into ecstasy, and then the slathering of Devonshire cream all over-- here his reverie was interrupted by another set of explosions. |
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19 Apr 00 - 09:49 AM (#214265) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: MMario Over the communicators comes the voice of the ships sentient computer "Please do not be alarmed by the apparent explosions you may have heard. Repeat, Do Not be Alarmed. They are in fact, not explosions at all, rather they appear to be flatulent attacks traced to an intruder in a towel. Repeat, the apparent explosions are merely flatulence from a toweled intruder. Any personel siting the intruder please direct him to sickbay for emergency gas relief." |
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19 Apr 00 - 09:55 AM (#214268) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: catspaw49 Traversing the corridors of this vast ship, Spaw felt the explosions too. He was wary of what might be occuring, but no one seemed in the least troubled as he past by them. This ship had an odd assortment of life forms on it and they all acted cool, calm, and collected......much like garbage......although most would give him a curious glance. Oddly though, none spoke to him. Maybe it was the dirty clothes or the vague aroma of possum piss or maybe they just didn't like him. Before he put any thought into why that might be, he would need a drink. Where the hell was the tavern on this beast? Spaw |
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19 Apr 00 - 10:29 AM (#214279) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Caitrin "Firing Barbershop Tremolo Wave, Captain!" A burst of four-part harmony blasted the Klingon fighters and completely incapacitated them. "Excellent choice, Captain!" the ensign said. The captain looked rather smug. "Of course it was. That's why I'm the captain." Ensign Caitrin looked at her super-futuristic-watch-thingy and saw that it was time for the shift change. Sure enough, there was Barky to take over the navigating post. Caitrin exited the bridge and headed down to Ten Forward. It was time for a bit of information exchange. |
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19 Apr 00 - 10:47 AM (#214288) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: GUEST,Mbo_at_ECU Lieutenant Barky is now at CONN? Dang, she musta switched MOS's! We still got voles down here! We're firing phasers on rotating intensity...it's only so long before they adapt...ARG! There goes warp matrix monitor no.5! --Mbo |
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19 Apr 00 - 11:37 AM (#214316) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: MMario Lt. Mbo! Don't use phasers! They have proven to be ineffective against voles. You surely have read that in The Manual of Federation Engineer's Quarterly Digest Anthology of Reccomended Practices in Fleet Starships Yearbook. Use a de-modulated open string frailed banjo! If that doesn't work, add in a syncopated beat with a dilithium powered bodrhan. |
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19 Apr 00 - 02:16 PM (#214410) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: GUEST,JenEllen Mandy finished watering in the greenhouse, and took her watering can to tend the far-flung botanicals on board. The rings on her toes made a tap-tap as she ran up the service stairs. She'd had about enough of the pneumatic doors sucking in her skirts and leaving her stranded until the next JoeSpacesuit came along. When she entered the room of Gladys and the Daisies, she saw a strange green man staring at the geranium, deep in concentration. She was at once overpowered with the smell of sage...no..heather...no...new mowed grass.....Olfactory stimuli that took her mind back to Mandola and the last time she had felt dirt between her toes. As she made her way closer, she thought she saw leaves in his matted hair. As she reached to pull them out she noticed that it wasn't exactly hair that he had...more like branches. The leaves were growing there.
She introduced herself to the green man, and poured him another cup of tea before tending to the plant. She could hear the buzzing of the microtransmitter and wondered if it had escaped the attentions of the green man
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19 Apr 00 - 07:06 PM (#214596) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Biskit Ship to ship communication coming in sir: This is cap'n Biskit o'the space freighter;NONCONFORMIST, requesting tractor beam and docking clearance.....over |
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19 Apr 00 - 07:08 PM (#214599) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: skarpi " security " theres a stranger on board mudcat Enterprise captain what shall we do? He is on section 32. Go down there and look who is down there. Yes sir. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh captain I see a man a big man he has on a skin clothes and a helmet woth horns and he is holding on to some thing I cant see what it is, but I can hear him he´s singin?????????? what a.......... ( the stranger walks on to the security man and sings) I´m a rover seldom sober I´m a rover........ Anyway where is the mudcat Enterprise going? same way captain Janeway?. All the skarpi Iceland. |
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19 Apr 00 - 07:28 PM (#214622) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Caitrin "Yes...the Green Man is definitely on board, Irantz." Ensign Caitrin said. "I can sense his presence. You know he's up to no good." The Klofian looked thoughtful. "Indeed. He must be watched carefully. Do not alert him to the fact that we know he is here yet. The element of surprise will serve us well." "Yes, Matriarch. I shall inform our other operatives to keep their minds open." |
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19 Apr 00 - 07:54 PM (#214651) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Mbo (I feel you folks know as much about this stuff I DON'T than I do about Star Trek! Green Man, Mandy, Matriach, what in bloody heck are you talking about? --Mbo |
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19 Apr 00 - 07:58 PM (#214657) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: MMario Lt. Mbo - I do believe you have uncovered a conspiracy! |
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19 Apr 00 - 08:19 PM (#214673) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Lonesome EJ The dread intergalactic pirate Billy the Trid smacked his three lips and guzzled another Gargleblaster. "Tina!" he shouted,"bring another platter of these bastards! I think I'm getting a buzz!" The eight-legged arachno-droid named Cartoosh sauntered up with a jaunty air, the patch on his compound eye vibrating in excitement. "Captain Bill!" he hissed," we've located her! The Mudcat Enterprise is in the Barium Sector of the Sactoplesian Planetary System, sailing along like a plump fat goose who..." Billy the Trid cut him off."Spare me the similes, you clanking colliginous excuse for a space spider. I already knew that!" The Trid found that the gargleblasters were making him cranky in a rather pleasurable way. The Trid's interplanetary pirate craft, The StarShagger, had departed the Pleasure Planet of Orgasmia seveal days ago, its cargo bays crammed full of Lustmelons and Fuggerfruit that would bring a handy profit among the frustrated inhabitants of Puritania. But Billy was in no particular hurry to get there. He had discovered a full score of stowaway Orgasmian Lingerie Models in the aft hold, and they were working off the price of their fare in various creative ways that had the Trid's colossal pear-shaped head spinning like an Ishtarian Djinni. To find the Enterprise boldly going into the dangerous alleyways of the Sactoplesian System where he could easily shake her down for whatever booty she would surely be freighting...well, it was just too much temptation. "Warp speed!"shouted the Trid."Huh?" replied Cartoosh. "Step on it, Crawler! I mean to overtake the Mudcat enterprise and have my pleasure of her!" The arachnid saluted "aye aye, sir...and will you be requiring the Lingerie Models again this evening." Billy lifted a sigh."Alas, no, I'd best rest my schleeber for the raping and pillaging that lies ahead." |
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19 Apr 00 - 08:45 PM (#214697) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Biskit Leftienant Mbo,I'm capn' Biskit of the space frieghter"NONCONFORMIST",ARGH! matie it brings a tear to me one good eye to inform ye that the dread' pirite Billy th' Trid isa headdin' thisa way ARRRGH! by the way I got yur load of Dilihtium crystals aboard me ship ifn ya could find me a couple a lackeys to unload'er I'd be muchabliged ARRRGH! |
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19 Apr 00 - 09:24 PM (#214730) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Dave (the ancient mariner) Galactic Space Rescue Cruiser Grace Darling Captain Dave requests urgent docking permission, I have three injured Vulcans onboard. Victims of space piracy.. Be advised my vessel is otherwise healthy, no contact with alien disease, and I require free pratique to land my patients.. Over |
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19 Apr 00 - 09:27 PM (#214731) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: MMario *The landing bay opens for the Grace Darling |
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19 Apr 00 - 09:35 PM (#214737) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: GUEST,JenEllen *JAY-SUS Leej! ROTFLMAO*
Mandy left the room in a barefooted hurry. She ran like hell to the garden deck, and further still into the room of the Frodis. On her way out, with all the stealth of a fart in a spacesuit, she left a rake leaning in the door. It thunked shut, with a 2 inch gap that she peered through intently. She plucked and peeled an orange from one of her trees, munching it while she monitored the plant's every move. "Green Man, my old friend," the plant sneered "We meet again. So many years ago you tried to learn the secrets of the forests of Aldebaran. I thwarted you then, I shall do so again." Mandy threw her orange peel into the compost modulator and went to try to get the Green Man out of the spell of the mad geranium. |
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19 Apr 00 - 09:37 PM (#214738) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: katlaughing Counselor A'Troi took special note, in the woven threads of existence, of the stranger in skins, singing about roving, Very interesting fellow...must come from a very cold place, she thought. (egads, Leej, that's BRILL!) |
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19 Apr 00 - 09:52 PM (#214748) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: GUEST,JenEllen Mandy skidded to a halt in front of the geranium's room. Her extra toes, a by-product of Mandolian genetics, gripped the floor with tenacity only seen in the aforementioned Mandolian toes, and space barnacles. She took a deep breath and entered the room. "Still sitting in here, sir? You simply MUST come with me to dinner. Chef has prepared a repast of Fuggerfruit that it would be a crime to miss." She manuvered herself in between the Green Man and the potted plant, chatting noisily all the time. She then passed the man a note reading "YOU ARE IN DANGER HERE! LEAVE THIS ROOM IMMEDIATELY!" Her sari spread in front of the plant, it never suspected a thing. They left the room under the guise of going to dinner, all the while, Mandy secretly thanking the Academy for her spy training.....and downstairs in the garden deck, plots were forming. |
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19 Apr 00 - 10:08 PM (#214756) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Dave (the ancient mariner) The Grace Darlings patients are being given the best medical care available. Dave reports to the Mudcat Enterprise bridge. Keep a sharp lookout on your sensors. The space pirates that did this to the Vulcan science exploration vessel are dangerous. The Grace Darling is equipped to defend herself against attack, but we are a small rescue cruiser, we would not be able to fight off more than one pirate vessel. Word is that Billy the Trid is in this quadrant, best prepare for anything. If he boards you I suggest you keep fighting, he shows no mercy. My crew and I have seen his work before, especially defend the females; all ages!. Should you need me I shall be aboard my ship and keep our systems on stand by, I can deploy in two minutes if needed. Aye. |
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19 Apr 00 - 11:02 PM (#214782) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Biskit AYE! Capn' Dave, me old cosmos farin'shipmate, why the larst time I seen ya wuz out on the bounding maine lobster nebuli,how be ya mate? ARGH!,I hopes yur ready fer a goodern we'll band together Argh! `gainst that scurvy space dog capn'Billy ARGH! |
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19 Apr 00 - 11:28 PM (#214795) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Barky "Hello, everyone!" After a long time away, Captain-in-chief Barky (formerly Lieutenant Barky, but while she was gone, she saved the Captain's home planet Ukelelen, giving her the exalted rank of Captain-in-Chief) enters the bridge, seemingly more... hmm... spiritual than before. Maybe it was the hippie beads that did it, or maybe it was the semi-charred kestrel that seemed VERY familiar, but the memories didn't place it on HER shoulder.
"Hey, Captain-in-chief Barky..." |
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19 Apr 00 - 11:45 PM (#214810) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Biskit ARGH! matey, who be the lass wi' the squab on'er shoulder,sure an she be a pretty lass, ma'be ol capn' Biskit'll go on over an mek`er aquaitnce, ARHG! `ello me fair one . |
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19 Apr 00 - 11:52 PM (#214815) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: wysiwyg ... And suddenly, the BeamMe port activated as if on its own, and a pair of badly abused men's knickers (pressed and folded) materialized in mid air just behind the lovely and spiritually resplendent Captain in Chief... just out of reach of the Capn they call not Crunch, but Biskit.... |
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19 Apr 00 - 11:54 PM (#214817) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Mbo Did I hear that an engineering team was needed on the bridge? Oh! Captain-in-Chief! Welcome aboard! Sorry, can't play the sonic boatswain pipe, so I can't pipe you on properly! ;) --Lieutenant Mbo |
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20 Apr 00 - 12:07 AM (#214826) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: GUEST,JenEllen "Why Lieutenant, come out from behind that palm tree. No need to be hiding in here. The door to the vile weed's room is closed, and I assure you he's eaten this month already." Mandy sat cross-legged on a planting table delicately dislodging a root bound violet. As the lieutenant neared, she got a vague sense of dread from the young one. She often felt these emotions from other people. Her parents had told her once that her line held many seers, she never understood it really, but it had helped her out of many a jam. "Captain-in-Chief Barky? Then her mission was successful? That IS cause to celebrate! Here, come have some of these delightful strawberries I picked this afternoon." The lieutenant hesitantly accepted. "The bird? Why yes, it was a gift. Many generations ago, while humans were still bound to their puny little planet, C.C. Barky's family and mine shared common ancestry. In fact, many aboard the Enterprise now have ancestors that came together in one common event. A wild and trecherous steamboat race took place on an Earth river. Many lives were lost, and those that survived, well, they changed the course of history forever."
The lieutenant climbed, in a trance, onto the planting table and sat across from Mandy. |
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20 Apr 00 - 12:27 AM (#214841) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Biskit Me Knickers! Me long lost Knickers!!ARGH! it brings a tear to me one good eye. me ol' ship mate praise must be ,ere abouts....I'll jus' go back to me bridge and break out thet 50 year ol' black gnarley I've been asavin........praise.....good ol' praise..........ARGH she even gart thet ol' stain out ARGH! bless `er art........... |
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20 Apr 00 - 12:39 AM (#214849) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: wysiwyg |
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20 Apr 00 - 12:59 AM (#214857) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Biskit Capn' Biskit comes stumblin' back into the small gathering having sampled a little of the 50 year ol' black gnarley on the way back from his ship(...well he had to make sure it was still alright didn't he?" Praise ..Dear Lass, come share this bottle wi' me an we'll talk of better times Aye, afore the fittin starts. |
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20 Apr 00 - 01:09 AM (#214861) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: wysiwyg ......Amid a shower of sparkles the woman arrives thru the BeamMe port, holding two large, clean glasses in her hand, her hair especially curly and fluffy tonight in celebration of that fine holiday celebrated in the middle eastern intergalactic quadrant, Yowzah. "Let's us go over to the Lounge and hear some special Yowzah music, Biskit me friend, I think it's called Verklemmptzmer. Remember the last taverns we were in together? Maybe we can have some more fun in the Lounge!" |
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20 Apr 00 - 01:21 AM (#214867) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Biskit Reckon they'll hava jello pit?ARGH! but it's good ta sees ya praise, my but yer hairs lookin'especirrrrly fluffy an' curley t'night...ya'sure ya won't be embarearsed bein seed wi' th' likes a me.My but ya look like a reglar vision. |
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20 Apr 00 - 01:28 AM (#214874) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: wysiwyg Biskit, I know! Let's make a stop on our way to the Lounge!! Yes... here it is... the Quartermaster's Stores! We'll secure all the knickers! Yeah!! Beam them over to your stateroom for safekeeping! Hee hee heee.... Wow! The colors! Look-- these fabrics are amazing! They never issue US these, do they? Ok, the Lounge... no! The Laundry! The ship's company's clean knickers! Shh!!! Yeah pour another, then, let's go... OK, got em! Yee hah!! I love this Yowzah holiday! Are you still sober enough to reprogram your phaser to snatch the rest of the ship's knickers from off their wearers and beam them over to your cabin too? We can auction them off... Here, I'll program the replicator to make new knickers only on our command... yeah if anyone else tries they'll come out WAY too small... OK, here's the Lounge then, we'll just alk in like nothing's going on.... yes, I would be honored to go in on your arm....
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20 Apr 00 - 01:31 AM (#214877) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Barky Suddenly, through everyone's uniform pins comes the voice of C.C Barky. "Everyone to there respective posts," she said, "This is a red alert. The Protozoan ship is approaching quickly and is set on destroying us! It is thought some might have boarded us against our knowledge! So be alert! The universe needs more lerts! WHOOOEEE! I crack myself up! Seriously, keep an eye, or two, or two, or three, or four, depending on your species, out for Protozoans on board! They can be distinguished by their visible innards and many wavey tenticles!" And she clicked off, leaving everyone on the ship extra alert. ~C.C. Barky |
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20 Apr 00 - 01:35 AM (#214879) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: wysiwyg Kickers Secured, Aye, CC BArky! Them Protozoans will never get our knickers! Nor spread the Deadly Epizootics among us neither! |
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20 Apr 00 - 01:43 AM (#214886) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Biskit ARGH! this is gonna be wanna dem memories, I can feel it in me bones,ARGH! AK AK AK AK ARGH! |
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20 Apr 00 - 08:07 AM (#214924) Subject: RE: MudCat Tavern Enterprise From: Mbo Don't worry Cap'n, a flux relay spanner works extra good on zapping the cytoclasm outta the little Protoctista buggers! >>ZAP<< (knew these engineering tools would come in handy one day...) --Lieutenant Mbo |
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20 Apr 00 - 10:30 PM (#215334) Subject: RE: Continued... From: Amos Part Two of this bold adventure, singing where none have sung before, can be found over here for your reading pleasure. 'Ware! |