To Thread - Forum Home

The Mudcat Café TM
https://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=2068
5 messages

Lyr Add: When the End of the Condom Went Pop!

26 Jun 97 - 06:03 AM (#7504)
Subject: Lyr Add: WHEN THE END OF THE CONDOM WENT POP!
From: Håvard

I just felt like posting the lyrics of a great (!?) song a Scottish friend of mine wrote. Unfortunately it comes with an original melody as well. Bob Martin is a rising star among songwriters on the Edinburgh folk scene.

WHEN THE END OF THE CONDOM WENT POP! - Bob Martin

When the end of the condom went POP! (do a loud POP! Sound)
There was nothing to do but to stop;
Rubber erosion became an explosion;
I got no warning when the damned ting went BOOM!
Blew me right out of the room (very deep: TRA LA LA)

As I ricocheted round the walls;
I caught a glimpse of my ........ (look down)
There's no point in being prudish at low «altitudish»;
I flew trough the doorway, and into the hall;
And following me bounced a ball (TRA LA LA)

As I laid there in shock and surprise;
Rubber bits flew past me eyes;
What's just been fantastic was now just elastic;
I'm naked, parts missing, my boyhood delight;
Next time I must try "Featherlite" (TRA LA LA)

Well a doctor appeared through the fog;
As I fought for my bits with the dog;
Well I might be a sinner, but I ain't no dogs dinner;
Determined was I that the dog wouldn't be fed;
I'm Bob Martin so I wormed him instead (TRA LA LA)

The hospital staff were just great;
As they rolled my bits round a plate;
The surgeon's a wizard - "Dexterity Dan"!
He says there's parts left, but it might have been worse;
I said: "Never mind, just knit me a purse" (TRA LA LA)

Things are tender, I still dare not cough; (quiet: ahem!)
Twice last week one fell off;
I'm OK with the stitching, but jings! the itching;
I was nearly arrested in ASTA last week;
All I could reach was a leek (TRA LA LA)

So the next time you're thinking of sex;
Beware of exploding latex;
For while you're performing you won't get a warning;
You'll suddenly find you're out in the hall;
Yourself, the dog and the balls (TRA LA LA)

When the end of the condom went POP!
There was nothing to do but to stop;
Rubber erosion became an explosion;
But there is one good thing that's happened to me;
I'm getting quite close - to top - C. (escalate into thin air!)

-Håvard

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 31-May-02.

26 Jun 97 - 02:23 PM (#7529)
Subject: RE: When the end of the Condom wen POP!
From: Kiwi

*topples over in helpless laughter* Tell me, laddy, have you ever heard "The Ball of Ballynore", "Roll Your Leg Over", or "Roll Me Over In The Clover"? Not as original, but for the first two, verses can be added at will, with a vengeance, and pertaining to whomever has committed some bit of nastiness that you find amusing..

26 Jun 97 - 02:44 PM (#7536)
Subject: RE: When the end of the Condom wen POP!
From: Kiwi

*topples over in helpless laughter* Tell me, laddy, have you ever heard "The Ball of Ballynore", "Roll Your Leg Over", or "Roll Me Over In The Clover"? Not as original, but for the first two, verses can be added at will, with a vengeance, and pertaining to whomever has committed some bit of nastiness that you find amusing..

30 Jun 97 - 06:47 AM (#7731)
Subject: RE: When the end of the Condom went POP!
From:

I suspect that "The Ball of Ballynore" is much the same song as "The Gathering of the Clans/Ball of Inverness/Ball of Kirriemuir" ("Swing your balls to your partner; and yer arse against the wall; if ye cannae get laid at Kirriemuir; ye cannae get laid at all"

Unforunately many of this rather explicit song are (to) frequently sung in students/soldiers setting, and thus get more explicit by the day.

I tend to prefer bawdy songs without four-letter words - have a look at i.e "The German Clockwinder". Amazingly Robert Burns wrote a great number of, what must have been, very daring songs, i.e "9 inches will pleasa a lady..."

-H

30 Jun 97 - 09:47 AM (#7736)
Subject: RE: When the end of the Condom wen POP!
From: Kiwi

Yes, the Ball of Ballynore is The Ball of Kerremuire, but with more verses of a RenFaire slant usually added to the basic three four from "Gathering" that get thrown in.