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27 Apr 00 - 12:48 PM (#218964) Subject: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS FOR AAPMT! From: Musicman IT HAS ARRIVED!!! THE FAMED "AMISH-AUSTRALIAN PITCHFORK MOUSTACHE TUNER" .... but there are no instructions on it's use!!!
so....... one could get very imaginative here.... and I imagine it could hurt alot if not used properly (maybe even the 'maker' of this fiendish device has no idea how to use it) Did he not try it out first? ... on himself or a guinea p....willing subject? For Shame, Mr. Spaw, leaving it up to the first willing(?) customer to discover it's merits..... Well, I have you know that I am not above the challange of discovery of this... this... this.... creation. It may hurt a bit, it may not, and I hope I can get it out if it get stuck without cutting too much off!!
thanks NightOwl, Spaw and Max..... (I think) |
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27 Apr 00 - 12:53 PM (#218968) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: MMario I'm not sure if you should "Thank" me or not, but I did deliberately stop bidding on this...as the "Master of the Key of Off" I really wanted a mustache tuner.... |
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27 Apr 00 - 12:54 PM (#218972) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: katlaughing I hope I can get it out if it get stuck without cutting too much off!! Ummmm, Paul, yer 'spose to use it on facial hair and hair on the top 'yer head, NOT where ya might hafta "bobbit!"**BG** katreallyconcernedwhohopesSpawgetsinherefast! |
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27 Apr 00 - 12:59 PM (#218976) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: Musicman KAT!!! JUST WHERE IS YOUR MIND AT!!! OF COURSE I WAS CONCERNED ABOUT MY FACIAL HAIR!!! :) |
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27 Apr 00 - 01:04 PM (#218979) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: Musicman MMario, I'll let you know in about a week, maybe you will be thanking Night owl.....or... maybe I'll be thanking you.... who knows at this point.... |
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27 Apr 00 - 01:18 PM (#218988) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: SINSULL This may be the appropriate place to ask. There was a French vaudeville performer called Le Petomane who played his instrument out of an orifice other than his mouth. Ladies of the time were known to faint at his performances. But the Queen stayed did not. Anyone know of recordings? |
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27 Apr 00 - 01:31 PM (#218995) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: GUEST,Sir Arthur Conan and Doyle Check with Mcgrath of Harlow on this subject. We have it on good authority that he was considered a prodigy in his day of this unique talent. He still continues to perform and has CDs out. We especially like his covers of Zamfir, Richard Klyderman and Nana Mouskouri hits. |
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27 Apr 00 - 01:37 PM (#218999) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: catspaw49 Never fear........The Amish Australian Pitchfork Moustache Tuner has been thoroughly field tested and it has survived..........Cletus on the other hand spent several nights at the ER. The boy just is a bit ham-handed after having a finger removed in a tragic cam cleat accident and the gouges in his upper lip only required a total of 24 stitches, but that was over a 4 night period so you can see how its perfectly safe. The special "Nosepick" feature worked quite well and was sanitized before shipping. Cletus was very careful and was happy to save the money that he would otherwise have spent on adenoid surgery. INSTRUCTIONS FOR USAGE *** AAPMT I. The fork prongs on the AAPMT are just the right distance apart to allow tuning BOTH sides of the moustache at the same time. They are also the same distance apart as a standard 110V outlet. CAUTION: Do NOT insert AAPMT into a wall socket as darkness will result, not to mention having to reset your clocks. II. With the chrome plated tuners to the top, carefully place one prong on each side of the moustache equidistant from that thing in the middle whatever its called. III. While holding the AAPMT in your left hand, thwonk the right prong with your right forefinger and tune by screwing clockwise on the right side machine head. IV. Switch the AAPMT to the right hand and repeat the previous step, but this time using your left hand and turning the machine head screw counterclockwise. V. Repeat steps III and IV screwing slowly and carefully until you are sure you have been COMPLETELY SCREWED. GOOD LUCK and remember the AAPMT is guaranteed through "FLY-BY-NITE INDUSTRIES" ... Return the AAPMT to us UNUSED and we'll return any unused portions of your money. Spaw
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27 Apr 00 - 01:51 PM (#219008) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: BlueJay Spaw- Is the AAPMT tuned to A-440, or is it variable? I tried to tune my moustache with my Korg electronic tuner and it doesn't seem to work. I think it's out of range. I tried it on my beard, also, sith similar results. Any suggestions? Is there a model that is adaptable to beards? Any advice you have would be sincerely appreciate. Thanks, BlueJay |
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27 Apr 00 - 01:56 PM (#219010) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: GUEST,Sir Arthur Conan and Doyle Any plans for a chromatic version, 'Spaw? |
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27 Apr 00 - 02:06 PM (#219015) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: catspaw49 The AAPMT is chromatic at this time as you can tell by the chrome plated tuners. BJ, I'm sure you have gotten satisfactory service from your Korg, but your 'stache and beard haven't been tuned until you tune with the AAPMT. Give those tuners a good screwin' and you'll know you've had one. Spaw |
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27 Apr 00 - 03:43 PM (#219079) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: Musicman OUCH!!! Oh man, this is gonna take some practicing........ |
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27 Apr 00 - 04:52 PM (#219114) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: McGrath of Harlow "Apparently, a cylinder recording of Le Pétomane's "entertainment" was made, and is a great rarity" - this comes from an article about "Le grand Petomane", which I just found, thanks to my trusty WebFerret.
I suppose this really should feature in a "Is this Folk?" thread... |
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27 Apr 00 - 06:42 PM (#219195) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: catspaw49 Yes Paul, please be careful as the AAPMT is sharp on the ends and flat on the sides. This assures "cents-on" tuning but may require medical care. Spaw |
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27 Apr 00 - 06:54 PM (#219205) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: Bill D There was a young fellow from Sparta,
He could vary, with proper persuasion,
This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
He'd fart a gavotte for a starter,
He was great in the Christmas Cantata,
Spurred on by a very high wager
His repertoire ranged from classics to jazz,
Hi basso profundo with timbre so rare
One day he was dared to perform,
It went off in capital style,
The selection was tough, I admit.
His bunghole was blown back to Sparta, |
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27 Apr 00 - 08:44 PM (#219260) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: catspaw49 Ahhhh....The Classics.........Some things live on by the sheer magnitude of their greatness. At least that what Karen says when she is overcome by an exceptionally heavt air biscuit. BTW, Band-Aids are NOT supplied with the AAPMT. Spaw |
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27 Apr 00 - 08:55 PM (#219263) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: GUEST, Threadie What about flea collars? |
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28 Apr 00 - 01:05 PM (#219596) Subject: RE: HELP!! INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED!! From: catspaw49 Fly-By-Nite had originally planned to package Band-Aids with the tuner, but our crack legal team and financial advisors, Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe, argued against it as it could be construed as admission of liability. Flea Collars were excluded on the same grounds. Spaw |