Song Challenge! Part 35

23 Jul 00 - 11:39 AM (#263031)
Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

This Challenge! was suggested by sophocleese (thanks!). If you're getting those summertime doldrums (or wintertime doldrums, if you're one of our NZ/OZ friends), here's a frisky little Challenge! that ought to blow those doldrums right away (hehehehehe):

So A Man Walks Into A Bar With A Fox Under His Arm And... -- "This whole story has been blown out of all proportion," said a spokeswoman for the Over and Sons garage in Aspatria. "It's true that last week a man walked onto our forecourt in the Market Place with a fox under his arm, pushed the nozzle of the compressed air line into the animal's rectum, put 20p in the slot, and pumped it until it exploded. But what the newspaper reports didn't mention was that the animal was already dead."

The spokeswoman explained that the garage had been under siege for several days following reports about the incident. A report appeared in the local paper, talking about 'this sickening and horrible act,' and next day the nasty phone calls started. Animal rights activists even threatened to make reprisal attacks on the garage, and more staff were called in.

But what had really happened was that an amateur taxidermist had brought the dead fox in, and asked if he could pump some air between the fur and the skin, to loosen the pelt. After apparently 'overdoing' it a bit, he then ran away in embarrassment. The garage's spokeswoman continued, "It ought to be obvious to anyone that the animal couldn't have been alive. I mean, it's hard enough to even hold a live fox, let alone insert an air-line up its rectum. I should imagine."

Police later confirmed that they had spoken to a man about the incident. "We are convinced that no criminal act has taken place, but we did warn him about the inadvisability of inflating animals in a public place."

Go for it, Challenge!rs!!!

-- Áine

---

23 Jul 00 - 12:09 PM (#263048)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: GUEST

To the tune of Irish Washerwoman (since so many people are a little tired with that tune anyway - see "most unfavorite session tunes" thread)

Well, I went to the bar ordered ale in a glass
Brought my fox, he was dead, pumped some air in his ass
Too much air, he exploded, then a piece of his rear
Was seen floating around in the foam of my beer.

---

23 Jul 00 - 12:35 PM (#263062)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Mbo

Reminds me of the guy in Cervantes' Don Quixote who used to grab dogs off the street, insert a long piece of cane into their rectum, and inflate them like a balloon. Then he'd give the dog a thump on the gut and say to the horrified passers-by "You think your life is hard? Well TRY THIS!" He was from Seville...

--Mbo

---

23 Jul 00 - 06:04 PM (#263184)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

Parody on a DT Song, FOX HOLLOW SONG by Richard Wilkie

This makes little sense unless you first read the original (which I have stolen nearly line for line because I am tired and lazy and it is the quickest way to get a song posted!!!!)....

The dunderheads were sitting on the barstools down below
It was raining in Fox Hollow, and the people would not go.
I came to this tavern to hear some people sing
But I won't go home this evening til I see that 'dermist's thing.

He comes over from the valley, to this city by the sea
To show us how it's done (gives classes monthly and biweekly).
Uses every kind of instrument that I have ever seen
On every kind of critter (even roadkill turning turned green).

But I never saw him blow one up, and now I wonder why!
I've never seen him lose his touch and explode one to the sky!
We know the world keeps turning while we are singing here
And we hope to have the fox put back together in the summer time next year.

---

24 Jul 00 - 12:17 AM (#263318)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

That's a purty darn good one, Praise! And don't think that you have to rush -- we'll still be here tomorrow (fingers crossed, gang??). And here's a Silver B.L.O.B. to you for:

And we hope to have the fox put back together in the summer time next year

Well done! --- Áine

---

24 Jul 00 - 09:47 AM (#263466)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: MMario

still brain burnt from the weekend (time travel does that to you) but hope to merge this challege with a little weasel explosion we had this weekend and come up with something.....(my brain aches....yes, I work with people who have exploding weasels. don't ask)

---

24 Jul 00 - 10:16 AM (#263478)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: MMario

it will all be explained eventually. trying to find a tune...possibly "Pop goes the Weasel?"

---

24 Jul 00 - 10:34 AM (#263494)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Mbo

Mario, you know someone who spins wool?

--Matt

---

24 Jul 00 - 10:45 AM (#263503)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: MMario

several. But I have to ask, where did THAT question come from...(need caffeinne. caffiene? coffee. )

---

24 Jul 00 - 10:51 AM (#263505)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

Alright now -- Y'all leave the man alone and let him get to writin' his song!! ;-)

-- Áine

---

24 Jul 00 - 10:53 AM (#263507)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Mbo

Do you not know the origin of the song "Pop Goes The Weasle"? You need to come visit the Tryon Palace, my friend!

--Matt

---

24 Jul 00 - 11:42 AM (#263547)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler

Soph beat me to that last suggested challenge. How about completing this blues (suggested as a beginning by someone who was being sniffy about the 20's blues in an article recently, presumably a cross between Empty Bed Blues and Mean Ol' Bed Bug Blues):
Woke up this mornin'
Bedbug had eaten my man
RtS (change gender to suit)

---

24 Jul 00 - 12:16 PM (#263582)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

I don't know why we are all bothering when Spaw can and should trump us all.

Speaking of weasels, tho, I once heard someone say they didn't have an inner child, but rather an inner weasel.

Then there is good old Billy Barlow. Surely someone can add a few verses to that one in honor of the unfortunate experience sustained by the late fox.

RtS, all I can think of in response is, "You coulda blowed my mind baby, but it wasn't enough...."

How do you defrag an entire mind???

~S~

---

24 Jul 00 - 12:27 PM (#263592)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

Praise said "How do you defrag an entire mind???" -- I don't know 'bout that . . . after all, they wrote Humpty Dumpty off as a loss, didn't they? (hahahaha)

Alright, that's enough! Go and write your songs!!

-- Áine

---

24 Jul 00 - 12:48 PM (#263614)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

"Over and Sons Garage in Aspatria"

Nobody has spotted Ass-patria?????

Isn't that a special technique for returning foxes back where they came from?

Seems to call for a syncopated shuffly little thing, "Aspatriate the Fox"

Or of course a foxtrot.

Over and Out at Over and Sons.

Not nearly enough dancing around this damn place. Think of the improved community relations if we would just dance each other around once in awhile.

~S~

---

24 Jul 00 - 01:10 PM (#263631)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Amergin

Praise, the reason why no one else spotted Ass-patria was because no one else has such a dirty mind.....;-)

---

24 Jul 00 - 01:29 PM (#263638)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

*curtsey*grin*oops!*fell over!*

OUCH!

~S~

---

24 Jul 00 - 01:33 PM (#263644)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

I guess I'll have to start things off:

We Blew It In The Wind
(Tune: Blowing In The Wind)

How many times did I say 'hold the hose',
Before the fox tail flew by?
Yes, and how many times did it slip out its nose,
Before we gave its bottom a try?
The answer, officer, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

Why did we think that this trick was gonna work?
At the time it seemed real fast and real quick,
Didn't we know we'd both end up looking like a jerk,
And the PETA people waving their sticks?
The curses and stones are flyin' in the wind,
And we're runnin' like we're flyin' in the wind!

Why didn't we stop when the gage hit ten pounds?
Why did we keep going 'till fifteen?
The sound that it made was just like amma rounds,
With fox schrapnel buzzin' inbetween,
The little furry bits went flyin' in the wind,
The furry bits went flyin' in the wind.

I agree, officer, it was not a brilliant plan,
For saving energy and some time,
Our school project failed, it's as flat as a dime,
We can't turn in something 'small as a dime,
It's summer school for us, 'cuz we blew it in the wind,
No final grade, we blew it in the wind.

---

24 Jul 00 - 01:37 PM (#263647)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

A couple of corrections there:

The sound that it made was just like amma rounds, should be The sound that it made was just like ammo rounds, and Our school project failed, it's as flat as a dime, should be Our school project failed, it's as flat as a pan,.

See what happens when I have to rush to get you guys in the songwriting frame of mind???

-- Áine

---

24 Jul 00 - 01:41 PM (#263649)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

Quick, someone, issue a Genius Alert!

She's here among us!

Aghg-OO-gah! Aghg-OO-gah!

~S~

---

24 Jul 00 - 01:59 PM (#263658)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

*giggle* *grin* -- gorsh!

-- Áine (But I know one of my lovely Challenge!rs can do better than me!)

---

24 Jul 00 - 03:29 PM (#263732)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: GUEST

Aine, I thought I had "started things off" yesterday...

---

24 Jul 00 - 03:37 PM (#263736)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

Guest,

I am sure that Aine meant that she was starting off the rush to come up to the quality level you set. The cavalcade of choruses. The madcap Mudcat musical mayhem in response. The starting off of the fresh start on getting started.

Right A?

~S~

---

24 Jul 00 - 04:04 PM (#263754)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

Right!

-- Á.

---

25 Jul 00 - 12:27 AM (#264057)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Dharmabum

BLOWNAPARTS RETREAT

{sung to blow the man down}

Come all ye young students of taxidermy,

Way hay blow the fox up,

I'll tell of the fate that has befallen me,

Give me more pressure to blow the fox up.

As a hobby I stuffed little critters you see,

Way hay.........

From Kudu to raccoon to fish from the sea,

Give me......

One day a man brought me a big wooden box,

Way hay......

I lifted the lid & inside was a fox,

Give me....

He said "I just bagged him way out in the west",

Way hay....

"I want you to stuff him cause I hear you're the best"

Give me......

"I am pretty good tho myself do I say",

Way hay.....

"Why I once stuffed a mermaid all the way from Norway",

Give me.....

"This little grey fox ain't no challange"I said,

Way hay.....

"And I won't have to kill him cause he's already dead",

Give me....

Now the first step you see is to strip off the pelt,

Way hay....

And to use some air pressure was the best way I felt,

Give me.......

So it's off to the forecourt with a fox in my arm,

Way hay.....

"I'll just use a little, it'll do him no harm",

Give me......

There was a knot in the hose,somebody had kinked her,

Way hay....

I got it untied & shoved it right up his sphincter,

Give me......

I thought this a good time that I could inspect um,

Way hay.....

While the air hose was pumping the pounds up his rectum,

Give me.........

His eyes started popping his belly was swellin,

Way hay.....

His body was getting as big as a mellon,

Give me......

Before I could stop it that critter let loose,

Way hay.....

And fur was a flying like crap through a goose,

Give me.....

A crowd gathered round, about they were millin,

Way hay.....

Then someone shouted "A fox he's been killin",

Give me......

Another one shouted "He's gotta be nuts",

Way hay.....

As I stood there all covered in fur & in guts,

Give me......

I ran for my home & I didn't look back,

Way hay......

Because that angry mob was about to attack,

Give me......

So hear my stern warning you lads & you lasses,

Way hay.....

Don't ever pump air up small critters asses,

Give me.......

Find a safe hobby that keeps you close to your homes,

Way hay blow the fox up,

Like joining the Mudcat or collecting garden gnomes,

Give me more pressure to blow the fox up.

Ron.

---

25 Jul 00 - 09:06 AM (#264198)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: MMario

Notes to self:

1) Replace coffee splattered keyboard.

2) Clean coffee off screen

3) Print out song

4) envy Dharmabum

---

25 Jul 00 - 09:20 AM (#264209)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Dharmabum

Sorry bout that MMario.

---

25 Jul 00 - 09:56 AM (#264225)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

Oh Ron - Don't apologize! You know you've got a winner when MMario does a 'spit-take'!! LOL!!

Now, may I offer a suggestion (to further your Mudcat honor and fame)?? You've only got five references to past Challenge!s to go, and you'll be the second Challenge!r in Song Challenge! history to qualify for the Golden Cow Chip with The Imperial Order of the All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts Award . . . would it be worth a wee bit of revision to become famous??? We can't have Bradypus being the only genius on board now, can we?

Go for it, Dharmabum!!

-- Áine

---

25 Jul 00 - 12:55 PM (#264340)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

That boy needs to get offline more and come see me.

~S~

---

25 Jul 00 - 01:22 PM (#264352)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Dharmabum

Thanks guys,I can't make any promises Aine,I'm pretty busy packing up the old camping gear for the Winterhawk fest,but I'll see what I can do.{I'll have to search the 5 challanges I missed}. Dear Susan,soon, I promise.

Ron.

---

25 Jul 00 - 01:25 PM (#264357)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

Ron,

You better, cuz me and Hardiman wanna fiddle around witcha. Also he is a good guy with a sawzall. And me, with the sabresaw, a sight to behold.

Where is that cabin again? I think we can get over there and have it all fixed up fer ya by the next time you visit.

~S~

---

25 Jul 00 - 01:34 PM (#264362)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Mbo

Aha, fellow Sawzall enthusiasts! I'm pretty much the sole operator of the one my Dad has. When something needs to be Sawzall-ed my Dad says "Go get Matt, it's Sawzall time". And my eyes light up like a little kid on Christmas morning....Aine when are we gonna have a Song Challenge! about Sawzalls?

--Matt

---

25 Jul 00 - 02:39 PM (#264402)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Dharmabum

Just make sure you don't get the sawzall confused with the fiddle bow. Ron.

---

25 Jul 00 - 03:00 PM (#264416)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

http://www.egltd.com/production/columns/6-97-2_mr_sawzall.htm

---

25 Jul 00 - 03:11 PM (#264420)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Mbo

Now that gets my blood a-pumpin', Sooz!

--Matt

---

25 Jul 00 - 03:26 PM (#264441)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

That was the only thing I could find that looked like there might be a story hiding in it. Unless you want the Sawzall Snowboard Team. They're out there too.

There was also one product review that said a sawzall in use always indicates someone's mistake being corrected, but there were no details. I suppose you could make that the challenge, what was the mistake and how did the sawzall undo it.

(Say, does Aine really check out the stories we give her for challenges? Or can we make up and file our own stories and she will run with them? I mean, Aspatria???? Now Purgatory Correctional in Hurricane was real, I checked that one, but...)

I need to know!

~S~

---

25 Jul 00 - 03:56 PM (#264458)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

and a melodious voice spoke from on high . . .

Of course the Keeper of the Book checks out the Challenge! ideas sent to her -- do you think she fell off the Bacchus wagon yesterday??

As regarding the sawzall -- Unfortunately, the Keeper does not see the humor and/or drama needed for a good Challenge! is this particular renovation narration. However, She would be interested if an appropriate article mentioning the aforementioned power tool could be found. So there's a challenge for all you sawzall fans -- go find a great story!

and the melodious voice spoke under Her breath, "Anything to avoid the Challenge! they're supposed to be working on! Geez!"

---

25 Jul 00 - 04:14 PM (#264469)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

Mbo,

Now see what you did!

~S~

---

26 Jul 00 - 07:40 AM (#264872)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Dharmabum

---

26 Jul 00 - 08:49 AM (#264900)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Dharmabum

BLOWNAPARTS RETREAT

Come all ye young students of taxidermy,

Way hay blow the fox up,

I'll tell of the fate that has befallen me,

Give me more pressure to blow the fox up.

As a hobby I stuffed little critters you see,

Way........

From Kudu to Raccoon to fish from the sea,

Give.......

One day a man brought me a big wooden box,

.......

I lifted the lid & inside was a fox,

.......

He said "I just bagged him way out in the west"

............

I want you to stuff him cause I hear your'e the best,

.........

"I am pretty good tho' myself do I say"

........

"Why I once stuffed a mermaid all the way from Norway"

........

"This little grey fox ain't no challange I said"

........

"And I won't have to kill him cause he's already dead"

.....

Now the first step you see is to strip off the pelt,

.......

And to use some air pressure was the best way I felt,

......

So it's off to the forecourt with a fox in my arm,

......

I'll just use a little it'll do him no harm,

....

There's a knot in the hose, somebody had kinked her,

.....

I got it untied & shoved it right up his sphincter,

.....

I thought this a good time that I could inspect him,

.....

While the air hose was pumping the pounds up his rectum,

.......

His eyes started poppin, his belly was swellin,

.....

His body was getting as big as a mellon,

......

Before I could stop it that critter let loose,

.....

And fur was a flyin like crap through a goose,

....

A crowd gathered round, about they were millin,

....

Then someone shouted"Hey a fox he's been killin",

.......

Another one shouted "He's gotta be nuts",

......

As I stood there all covered in fur & in guts,

......

I ran for my home & I didn't look back,

......

Because that angry mob was about to attack,

......

I locked my front door & I thanked god in heaven,

......

As granny stood guard with her 357,

....

Locked myself in the john & as I turned the key,

.....

Thought,"I coulda been dead like my uncle Harry",

......

I'm locked in my bathroom cause I'm riddled with fear,

.....

I'll just eat M&Ms & drink Osaka beer,

.....

So hear my stern warning you lads & you lasses,

....

Don't ever pump air up small critters asses,

.....

Find a safe hobby that keeps you close to your homes,

Way hay blow the fox up,

Like joining the Mudcat or collecting garden gnomes,

Give me more pressure to blow the fox up.

Aine told me to write some more words for this song,

Way hay what is it all for,

Time to drink Wild turkey cause it's getting too long,

I can't stand the pressure,can't write anymore.

Ron.

---

26 Jul 00 - 09:11 AM (#264916)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: MMario

Two days in a row! This is getting to be too much! and it was GINGER ALE this time, even more corrosive then coffee! (Gotta stop drinking at the keyboard)

---

26 Jul 00 - 09:41 AM (#264930)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Dharmabum

Thanks guys,I gotta let the keyboard cool off now. Good thing I already have calouses on my fingertips. It's so nice to find folks who can appreciate a sick mind such as the one that I posess.

Ron.whosgottagopackhiscampinggearnow.

---

26 Jul 00 - 04:31 PM (#265201)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

I just cannot believe that you guys are stuck for words on this Challenge! I mean, 45 posts and only 3 songs??? What's going on out there? Come on, Challenge!rs -- you can do it! Put down that hot dog, turn off that ball game, let the doggie pee in the corner just this once, and write a song!

-- Áine

---

26 Jul 00 - 04:43 PM (#265206)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: MMario

i'm trying, i'm trying....I can't get my weasels and foxes to scan right tho...

---

26 Jul 00 - 04:47 PM (#265208)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

Aine,

FWIW--

I think this should be re-issued as a new special Challenge! to newer members. My theory is that the rest of us are just desensitized to the whole ass-blowing thing from our exposure to the world of Cleigh O-Possum.

This calls for Newbie energy. Maybe they are especially shy about doing these Song Challenge!s and need a prod as ONLY YOU can give. Like retitling the thread to grab their attention.... SPECIAL OPPORTUNITY FOR NEW MEMBERS... maybe explain what is a song challenge... I know, we should all know this by now but....

~S~

---

26 Jul 00 - 04:51 PM (#265215)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Bradypus

Ron - Well done indeed! a great title, a good tune, and some wonderful clever rhymes thrown in - I particularly enjoyed the compound rhymes for 'sphincter' and 'rectum'. One word of warning - those platinum tufts scratch like ...

Aine - I hope to have a song later tonight. No promises, but I'll try.

Bradypus

---

26 Jul 00 - 04:59 PM (#265222)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: sophocleese

As one who posted the idea for the thread I should just make a brief comment. I was fortunate in not having any beverages near the keyboard when I read your song Dharmabum. Thank you.

---

26 Jul 00 - 07:53 PM (#265386)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Bradypus

Tune is 'Frog went a Courting'. I suspect there's a good hunting song could be made from this, as well as the challenge.
Fox Went Up

Fox went up in the morning light
Uh – Hmm
Fox went up in the morning light
Uh-Hmm
Fox went up in the morning light
Heard the hounds, got a helluva fright
Uh-Hmm

Hounds soon caught the fox's scent
Uh-Hmm
Hounds soon caught the fox's scent
Uh-Hmm
Hounds soon caught the fox's scent
To catch the fox was their intent
Uh-Hmm

Farmer's son joined in the chase
Uh-Hmm
Farmer's son joined in the chase
Uh-Hmm
Farmer's son joined in the chase
His pony just kept up the pace
Uh-Hmm

Farmer's son was in at the kill
Uh-Hmm
Farmer's son was in at the kill
Uh-Hmm
Farmer's son was in at the kill
They blooded the lad with a right good will
Uh-Hmm

Took the fox home in a box
Uh-Hmm
Took the fox home in a box
Uh-Hmm
Took the fox home in a box
Over hedges, among the rocks
Uh-Hmm

Fox is going to be stuffed today
Uh-Hmm
Fox is going to be stuffed today
Uh-Hmm
Fox is going to be stuffed today
So they can put him on display
Uh-Hmm

Taxidermist will skin the fox
Uh-Hmm
Taxidermist will skin the fox
Uh-Hmm
Taxidermist will skin the fox
And mount him well in a shiny box
Uh-Hmm

Skin's on tight, gotta make it loose
Uh-Hmm
Skin's on tight, gotta make it loose
Uh-Hmm
Skin's on tight, gotta make it loose
Some compressed air is the thing to use
Uh-Hmm

On the garage forecourt now it's late
Uh-Hmm
On the garage forecourt now it's late
Uh-Hmm
On the garage forecourt now it's late
Put the airline in, and start to inflate
Uh-Hmm

Now he's starting to get the hang
Uh-Hmm
Now he's starting to get the hang
Uh-Hmm
Now he's starting to get the hang
But the pressure's high, and the fox goes BANG
Uh-Hmm

There's skin and fur all over the place
Uh-Hmm
There's skin and fur all over the place
Uh-Hmm
There's skin and fur all over the place
The taxidermist daren't show his face
Uh-Hmm

Animal rights folk huffed and puffed
Uh-Hmm
Animal rights folk huffed and puffed
Uh-Hmm
Animal rights folk huffed and puffed
'It's the taxidermist who should be stuffed'
Uh-Hmm

Policeman saw that man alone
Uh-Hmm
Policeman saw that man alone
Uh-Hmm
Policeman saw that man alone
'If you inflate foxes, better do it at home!'
Uh-Hmm

---

26 Jul 00 - 09:33 PM (#265432)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Dharmabum

I LOVE IT BRADY !!!!!!

By the way....Do the tufts go in the front or the back.

Ron.

---

26 Jul 00 - 10:14 PM (#265452)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Barky

Hey y'all!
Hmmm... this is quite an interesting subject, one which hits quite close to home.... NOT! =) So lets take a whack at it....

I hope this works:

(To the tune of "One" from A Chorus Line)

One
Tubular explosion,
Ev'ry little bit she scrapes.
One
Disgusting combination,
Fox brains mixed with brakes.

One boom and suddenly everyone
smells the stench...
You know your activists will be
af - ter you!

One!
Moment in that gar-age,
And taxidermy's not for you.
You're not even second best,
To Gunn, son!

Ooh! Ah!
Give me your attention,
Do
I
Really have to mention?
THAAAAAT
YOURRRRRRRRR
DUMMMMMMMMMMB!!!!!!

That's all for now, folks. I just drove eight hours, and boy am I tired. Just pulled in a few minutes ago. Love y'all!

~Barky (who has now gained fame at the NAU Summer Music Camp for being the one who barked when the organist demonstrated the very highest note on the organ) (If you want to know, ask me in a PM) =0)

---

26 Jul 00 - 11:37 PM (#265490)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

NOW WE HAVE TRUE MUDCAT HEAVEN!

Great songs AND Miss Barky back in town!

Here, hop up on our shoulders, Your Barkstress--

Hip hip, HA HA! Hip hip, HA HA!

~S~

---

26 Jul 00 - 11:55 PM (#265499)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Barky

WHEEEEE!!!!!!!!

~Barky

---

26 Jul 00 - 11:58 PM (#265501)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

Watch that ceiling!

Oh good, she had her power-grid invisible sparkle helmet on!

(Psst! I have some spare parts for it here, for you!!)

~S~

---

27 Jul 00 - 12:07 AM (#265506)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Amergin

Well, here goes my entry....to the tune of House of the Rising Sun...

Old Over And Sons

There is a place in Aspatria
They call ole Over and Sons
It has been the ruin of many a poor fox
And me, oh, God, held one

I walked into the car garage,
A dead fox held within my arms.
I asked to use the air hose, Oh Lord
In the garage in Aspatria.

Oh I dabble in taxidermy
I though I knew what I am about;
I stuck the hose up the rectum, Lord
And pumped him full of air…

I filled the fox at 20 psi
Between the fur and the skin
All I had wanted was to loosen the pelt
Instead I blew him up

Fox bits went aflying
All over the car garage,
And everywhere was blood and gore
On the floor of Over and Sons

One foot in front of the other
I took flight from that damning shop
And hid inside my little house
Outside of Aspatria town.

I'm going back to Aspatria
To confess what I had done;
I'm going back to mop the floors
of old Over and Sons.

Amergin

---

27 Jul 00 - 12:25 AM (#265514)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

!!!!!!!

---

27 Jul 00 - 08:30 AM (#265618)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: MMario

wow! Sleep a measly eight hours and look what happens. Barky returns, with a fantastic ditty and Amergin puts out an equally hilarious tune....

Feeling better about the topic now, oh keeper of the book?

---

27 Jul 00 - 09:30 AM (#265668)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Dharmabum

Well I'm all packed & ready to go, just thought I'd check in one last time& I'm glad I did! Great tunes folks! I'll be singing"There is a place in Aspatria" all the way up the Taconic Parkway.

Off to Winterhawk,looks like it's a little wet up there. Mud,music,& funnelcake,.....life don't get no better.

Ron.

---

27 Jul 00 - 09:31 AM (#265669)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Mbo

Yes, Mudcat Heaven! Guess I just needed the right inpsiration ;-)

The Taxidermy Fox Boom Polka

Oh how I want to be a Taxidermist
'Cause stuffing dead mammals is my bag
I like to work with the scalpel and the fluff
Even though formaldehyde will make me gag

Oh one day I found some tasty roadkill
A fox that was perfect for to stuff
But I had to get the pelt off the rotting carcass
Without ripping it, I tried not to be rough

But the stupid pelt would not come off
Though I tried with all my might and main
I was about to give up on the smelly little bugger
When a light blub flashed on in my brain

So I loaded the fox in my car
And to the Garage down the lane I flew
And there, it was! The big compressed air tank
Which would see my endeavour through!

So I fed the air line up the bunghole of the fox
And 20p in the slot I did drop
But the carcass oh so smelling, just kept on a-swelling
And I couldn't get the thing to stop!

And then
And then
And gentlemen, and then...

Like a hot-air balloon on a cactus farm
Like your fist on the clock when it rings it's alarm
Like a pressure-cooker that too long has sat
BOOM it was over just like that!

Like a pretty girl with a wink of her eye
Like fireworks shooting up in the sky
Like a woopie-cushion on which someone has sat
BOOM it was over just like that!

Like a bratty kid who won't behave
Like a hotdog in a microwave
Like a cheese-laden trap and a big grey rat
BOOM it was over just like that!

Fox guts exploding all over the place
And the Animal Rights folks callin' me a disgrace
You're a Song Challenge! topic in seconds flat
BOOM it was over JUST LIKE THAT!


--Matt

---

27 Jul 00 - 09:37 AM (#265675)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

Yeah Mbo!!! LOL! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Like a pretty girl with a wink of her eye
Like fireworks shooting up in the sky
Like a woopie-cushion on which someone has sat
BOOM it was over just like that!

And I just love the title too. Great job and well worth waiting for. ;-)

-- Áine

---

27 Jul 00 - 09:37 AM (#265677)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: MMario

Áine - so far nothing but brain farts...the pudding won't set, the fruit of my words is all settling right to the bottom of the jello of my mind. Little dribs and drabs of stuff that are driving me nuttier but nothing solid.

---

27 Jul 00 - 10:26 AM (#265706)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

Dear MMario,

Well, if you get enough of those dribs and drabs together, you can cover a cake with icing, you know. ;-) Put 'em in a bowl and let 'em sit in the 'frig for a while until they congeal -- oh, and don't forget to throw in a few nuts and candy sprinkles while you're at it (hehehehehe).

-- Áine

---

27 Jul 00 - 05:18 PM (#266037)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: MMario

OH KRAP!

---

27 Jul 00 - 05:20 PM (#266038)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: MMario

I posted a "quick" little Harry Fox gets blowed up ditty type thingie and it gets losted! Now I has to remembers it...to the tune of "Jesus Christ is Risen Today"

---

27 Jul 00 - 05:20 PM (#266039)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Amergin

That you're song? The whole thing deserves a big silver BLOB as far as I'm concerned...;)

---

27 Jul 00 - 05:22 PM (#266041)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Amergin

Was talking about "OH KRAP!" kinda brings to mind Tom Paxton's Lament For A Lost Election.

---

27 Jul 00 - 05:25 PM (#266044)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: MMario

no - just my bungling fingers....

though considering the subject, it probably would be appropriate lyrics....

I really wish I knew who had my brain cell....

---

27 Jul 00 - 06:06 PM (#266072)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

Dearest MMario,

Since this kind of thing keeps happening to you (apparently as the result of chronic CRS), may I make a suggestion? Why don't you type your songs into a word processing program first and THEN copy and paste them into the thread? I hate to think of you beating your poor head against your monitor (which has become sticky from the constant spit takes after reading Bradypus' and Dharmabum's songs...).

Love ya, Áine

---

27 Jul 00 - 07:21 PM (#266116)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: wysiwyg

Yes, permitting the S&R function for line breaks.

Mmario. I believe I have diagnosed the problem. Clearly an unmet need to plumb the depths of the jello pit. Just listen to yourself. Jello. Need Jello.

~S~

---

27 Jul 00 - 08:21 PM (#266151)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Naemanson

Ok! I'll give this a try. I should be doing other things but...

Honey, I blew up the fox!
To the tune of "The Fox Went Out On A Chilly Night"

A fox was slain on a moonlit night,
Swerved left on the road when he should have swerved right,
Got crunched under wheels that he tried to bite
And wound up dead on the road-o, road-o, road-o
Got crunched under wheels that he tried to bite
And wound up dead on the road-o.

A taxidermist put him into a box,
Was happy he had found a dead fox,
While he was out and about on his walk,
And he took it home to stuff-o, stuff-o, stuff-o
While he was out and about on his walk,
And he took it home to stuff-o

He opened the box while in his shop,
Looked in side and then he stopped,
There's got to be a better way he thought,
To skin this poor dead fox-o, fox-o, fox-o
There's got to be a better way he thought,
To skin this poor dead fox-o.

He looked at his knives and his scalpel too,
Considering the messy job they'd do,
He thought some high pressure air would do,
To easily peel the skin-o, skin-o, skin-o
He thought some high pressure air would do,
To easily peel the skin-o.

To Over & Sons he made his way,
In the Market Place in Aspatri-ay
And in the box the dead fox lay,
As he made his way to the town-o, town-o, town-o
And in the box the dead fox lay,
As he made his way to the town-o

He picked up the end of the air hose,
Tried to fit it to the animal's nose,
But even duct tape couldn't keep it closed
And it fell out on the ground-o, ground-o, ground-o
But even duct tape couldn't keep it closed
And it fell out on the ground-o.

So he laid the fox out on the ground
Studied the problem while wearing a frown,
But the answer came from a person in the crowd,
Stick it up his arsehole, arsehole, arsehole
But the answer came from a person in the crowd,
Stick it up his arsehole, arsehole, arsehole

So he stuck it up the fox's sphincter,
All the while his face got pinker,
And the coins into the slot went clink,
And the air began to pump-o, pump-o, pump-o
And the coins into the slot went clink,
And the air began to pump-o.

With the air the fox swelled and swelled,
The taxidermist tapped to loosen the pelt,
He wondered what it was he smelt,
When the fox blew all a part-o, part-o, part-o
He wondered what it was he smelt,
When the fox blew all a part-o.

Bits and pieces flew here and there,
Some on the ground and some in the air,
The crowd was splattered on their shirts and hair
And began to get quite mad-o, mad-o, mad-o
The crowd was splattered on their shirts and hair
And began to get quite mad-o

The taxidermist they began to chase
But he had his running shoes well laced
And he ran into the policeman's place
And begged them to protect-o, protect-o, protect-o
And he ran into the policeman's place
And begged them to protect-o

They spoke to him in voices stern
He had, they hoped, his lesson learned,
When again his inspiration burned,
He'd not inflate a fox-o, fox-o, fox-o
When his inspiration burned,
He'd not inflate a fox-o.

---

27 Jul 00 - 08:57 PM (#266178)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: MMario

*applause*

I hate to admit this, but I crashed my 'puter and LOST the word processing document, not having saved it. I'll probably be drummed out of the computer support group

---

27 Jul 00 - 08:59 PM (#266180)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Mbo

Oooh gory one, Brett! Love it!

---

27 Jul 00 - 09:36 PM (#266203)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: GUEST,Potter

Well...the last thing I remember saying to him was; "Honey you know I love you but, PLEASE, not while the DOG IS WATCHING!"

Has anyone seen my husband?...or my Shiba Inu?

---

27 Jul 00 - 09:56 PM (#266211)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

And to think that I was tempted to nip this Challenge! in the bud early (so to speak) -- Naemanson, ROTFLMAO!! The tears are virtually spurting outta my eyes -- this time it was myself that nearly did the infamous MMario Spit Take! I can't decide on a single verse for the Silver B.L.O.B., so I award your entire song this (dubious, yet wondrous) award. Congratulations and well done indeed!

-- Áine

---

28 Jul 00 - 08:39 AM (#266484)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Naemanson

Thank You! (Blushing, he bows to the applause) Thank You!

By the way, what does ROTFLMAO mean? (I assume it's good) There are a few other things I've seen here such as "slainte" that I don't understand. Maybe this should be a thread.

---

28 Jul 00 - 08:59 AM (#266500)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

Dear Naemanson,

ROTFLMAO - Rolling on the floor, laughing my a** off

Sláinte - Literally, the Irish word for 'health', most often used as a toast, approximating the English toast of 'cheers'.

-- Áine

---

28 Jul 00 - 09:13 AM (#266510)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: MMario

Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Arse Off

and "health!" (I think....)

---

28 Jul 00 - 10:37 AM (#266564)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Áine

Cudos, congrats and thanks to all you lovely Challenge!rs once again, and here are the winners for this explosive topic (hehehehe). You all continue to amaze and delight the Keeper of the Book!! I think I'll be waiting a few days to announce a new Challenge!, since you all seem to be exhausted from your excellent efforts during the last couple of weeks. So, give your brain fluids a rest, but, everyone keep your eyes peeled for Challenge! ideas and send them to me by PM or by email ([e-mail]).

-- Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster:
Fox Hollow Song by Praise
Old Over And Sons by Amergin

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:
Fox Went Up by Bradypus
One (Tubular Explosion) by Barky
The Taxidermy Fox Boom Polka by Mbo

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest:
Honey, I Blew Up The Fox! by Naemanson

Winners of the Imperial Order of the All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts:
Blownapart's Retreat by Dharmabum

---

01 Sep 01 - 06:27 PM (#539856)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Jack the Sailor

Hose up his bum ... Fox On The Run... written by Tony Hazzard

He walks to the forecourt at the garage
He picks up the airhose and puts in his change
He was trying to do his own taxidermy
but when he was done it was too rearranged
With a hose (with a hose with a hose) up its bum

He put in the hose and the fox it exploded.
When asked by the cops he said if I had know ded
This may seem rude to you may seem rather crass
But I wouldn't have put that airhose up his ass
If I had only know that it would soo affect him
I wouldn't have pumped pressured air up his rectum
I'm glad the SPCA didn't take me for no rides
And I'll find another way to seperate the hides

He goes to the station to speak with the police men
The cops all call a son of a gun
The say next time better be much more careful
And not to attempt it when he's drinking rum Stuffing fox (Stuffing fox Stuffing fox ) on the rum

He'll drink a glass of wine boys to toast the good policemen
He'll learn more about the way to stuff a fox
And if tries to blow them up with air then
The next durned time he'll keep it in a box

With a hose (with a hose with a hose) up its bum

---

01 Sep 01 - 06:46 PM (#539867)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Gareth

Jack t S if you shoot a fox you'll be drumed out of the upper class brownies but to shove an airline up its rectum - well words fail me - Have uyou not heard of inflatable sheep ????

Gareth

---

04 Sep 01 - 08:38 AM (#541443)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Aidan Crossey

This is a wee bit of a diversion ... the song is to the air of "Reynard" from Sweeney's Men's first album. It's set in the area surrounding Derrymacash in the hinterland of Lurgan, County Armagh.

THE MONTIAGHS FOX HUNT
My name is Joe Doyle, I'm the master of hounds
We hunt for the foxes around Lurgan Town
From Castor's Bay to Slantry and west to Charlestown
We're the scourge of every fox who puts his head above the ground
Tally-ho hark away, tally-ho hark away
Tally-ho hark away me boys, away hark away

Few are the foxes who slip through our net
But one fox remains, we're determined to get
I know him by his canter and the way he holds his tail
And I've made it my ambition, his dirty pelt to nail
Tally-ho hark away, tally-ho hark away
Tally-ho hark away me boys, away hark away

We rose him at Muckery, one fine winter's day
Out towards Trasna, the fox made his way
His speed as fast as lightning, when he reached the Bannfoot Road
He glanced behind and sneered and changed his tack for Derrycrow
Tally-ho hark away, tally-ho hark away
Tally-ho hark away me boys, away hark away

At the Devil's Elbow, he made a veer once more
There was some of us that thought that he was bound for Derryvore
But Reynard had us flustered, while we bickered he made hay
He headed back for Trasna, and thence towards The Bay
Tally-ho hark away, tally-ho hark away
Tally-ho hark away me boys, away hark away

We followed at a distance, not making up much ground
At Derryveen his brush was seen and the horns did loudly sound
And out towards the High Moss he galloped like the wind
Two hundred hounds and forty riders galloped after him
Tally-ho hark away, tally-ho hark away
Tally-ho hark away me boys, away hark away

The Rillagh and The Rallagh, the fox did circumvent
And out towards The Reckie, the hounds were on his scent
And just when all hands thought that he was bound for Portadown
He set off for Ballinary with no sign of slowing down
Tally-ho hark away, tally-ho hark away
Tally-ho hark away me boys, away hark away

At Venagh Lane, yet again I blew upon the horn
To round the hounds, whose heads were down, their attitude forlorn
The news had come, they'd seen him run up Wolfs Island Hill
So buck up boys, let's make some noise, we're closing for the kill
Tally-ho hark away, tally-ho hark away
Tally-ho hark away me boys, away hark away

In a classic pincer movement we split to left and right
And chased him up through Ruddle's Bogs we had him in full flight
When he reached the River Clauset, he was well and truly damned
No advance and no retreat, he had to make a stand
Tally-ho hark away, tally-ho hark away
Tally-ho hark away me boys, away hark away

Well met my cunning Reynard I've cornered you at last
My hounds are poised to kill you but before you breathe your last
Have you any words of wisdom for those who've chased you down
Before you're ripped asunder by the pack of baying hounds
Tally-ho hark away, tally-ho hark away
Tally-ho hark away me boys, away hark away

If you think you'll ever kill me, you'd better think again
None here could get the best of me, no dogs, no horse, no men
Before I would surrender to the huntsmen and the hounds
I will jump into the river, and it's there that I will drown
Tally-ho hark away, tally-ho hark away
Tally-ho hark away me boys, away hark away

And in he plunged, which made me scream "Huntsmen, drag him out"
Water dripping from his brush, and dripping from his snout
He lay there cold and lifeless, he'd outsmarted me for good
I gathered up his carcass and I made for Silverwood
Tally-ho hark away, tally-ho hark away
Tally-ho hark away me boys, away hark away

At McCaughley's garage, 'neath the sign that reads free air
My hands shook as I stuck the hose inside his derriere
They heard oul' Reynard popping at the Head of the Plain
And bits of Reynard's body next day littered Kiln Lane
Tally-ho hark away, tally-ho hark away
Tally-ho hark away me boys, away hark away

---

04 Sep 01 - 08:58 AM (#541455)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: MMario

Derrymacash - BRAVO!

I especially like the fact that without the last verse it is a song I could use at ren-faire...

---

04 Sep 01 - 09:00 AM (#541457)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 35
From: Aidan Crossey

Feel free!

---