Song Challenge! Part 39

11 Sep 00 - 10:12 AM (#294984)
Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Áine

This Challenge! is from the "One And Only Five Minutes Flat" Amos, and is guaranteed to bring a smile to the faces of all coffee lovers . . . So here we go, dear Challenge!rs, from pachyderms to passion -- Go For It!

-- Áine

Coffee Bar Sparks Caffeine-Condom Rush: ROME (Reuters) - Italian espresso is supposed to give the drinker a lift, but it seems to be making some decidedly frisky. A coffee bar in the Italian beach resort of Sperlonga has taken to handing out free condoms with every cup it sells. 'It's a bit of fun, but also to make sure people protect themselves, the owner of the bar, The Pirate, told the newspaper Corriere della Sera, adding that a lot more young people had started drinking his coffee. More than 150 people a day have been whisking the condoms into their back pockets or handbags, according to the owner, but Sunday is apparently the busiest day of all. 'Who knows what they get up to,' he said.

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11 Sep 00 - 10:38 AM (#295002)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: hesperis

Is "The Pirate" the owner of the bar or the bar itself?
(Is this a dumb question? Oh, well.)

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11 Sep 00 - 10:56 AM (#295013)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: hesperis

Weel, here's a start for it then.
A couple of extra syllables here and there, but not bad overall:

To the tune(lessness?) of "Chantilly Lace"

A cup of Espresso and a free condom,
From a midnight bar in th' Italian sun,
A little kiss or four, can lead to so much more!
Sperlonga Beach is fun, fun, fun!

I'll come back later and do more on it.
Real life calls. *sigh*

~*sirepseh*~

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11 Sep 00 - 11:01 AM (#295015)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: MMario

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11 Sep 00 - 11:16 AM (#295020)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: MMario

oops! worng button!

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11 Sep 00 - 11:25 AM (#295025)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Áine

The way I read it, The Pirate is the name of the bar; however, dear hesperis, if you wanted to make the owner a pirate, that might provide a very interesting slant to your song! *BG*

-- Áine

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11 Sep 00 - 12:38 PM (#295061)
Subject: Rubber Cup Cafe
From: MichaelAnthony

Rubber Cup Cafe

Tea when you feel lonely
Coffee when you feel blue
Find your corner cafe & soon
You'll find others like you

And there's nothing more exciting than sexy lips a-biting
On biscuits shaped like a bisque
And with sketches needing showing soon the two of you are going
To your room cause this beauty's worth the risk

Leanardo behind the counter
Must know who can be wooed
When he gave me my coffee
Gave me also a clue

Tea when you feel lonely
Coffee when you feel blue
Find your corner cafe & soon
You'll find others like you

---

11 Sep 00 - 12:43 PM (#295063)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: wysiwyg

Um, what about free refills?

~S~

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11 Sep 00 - 12:50 PM (#295067)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Mbo

cream in your coffee

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11 Sep 00 - 01:08 PM (#295082)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Dharmabum

PERVERT DHARMABUM REPORTIMG FOR DUTY MA'AM !!

HARD DAY AT SPERLONGA

{sung to Dylan's Hard rains gonna fall}

Where have you been my blue eyed son,

Where have you been my darlin young one,

I was down at the pirate a drinkin espresso,

I had no idea it would be such a messo,

I said"hey this coffee it tastes somewhat iffy",

The next thing I knew I had a big stiffy,

And it's hard,

Yea it's hard,

And it's hard,

Yea it's hard,

It's a hard daaaaay at Sperlonga.

They're handing out condoms with each cupa joe,

But be carefull my friends beware if you go,

Cause your little soldier will stand at attention,

Yea your little buddy will get an extention,

If you see a nice girl and you're tryin to meet her,

Try spiking your coffee with a little salt peter,

Cause it's hard.........

If you're on vacation & you make it to Rome,

You must try their espresso before you go home,

It's made with Viagra it's really quite goodie,

It may not be Starbucks but it'll give you a woodie,

It's good for what ails you & your dangling member,

You'll stand up & be counted from May till December,

You'll get a big smile from all that you meet,

When you're on your back you'll pitch a tent with your sheet,

You'll piont north like a compass to the heavens above ya,

You'll be the talk of the town & your dear wife'll love ya,

Cause it's hard ,

Yea it's a hard,

It's a hard,

Yea it's hard,

It's a haaaaard daaaay at Sperlonga.

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11 Sep 00 - 01:17 PM (#295087)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: MMario

SOMETHIN' HOT IS BREWIN'
(tune: The Fireship)

As I stepped out one evening upon a night's carreer
I spied a brand new coffee shop, and into it I steered
I flagged a passing waitress, and ordered coffee, black,
You can imagine my surprise, when she brought a condom back!

(chorus)It was a dark en-chant-ing brew-ew!
Served daily at "The Pirate"
Latte for two, Blue Mountin' Brew
Or some exotic kind

Oh Mistress, please excuse me for being an ingrate
But I did not just order what you put upon my plate
I am a fine upstanding man, respected in this town
Are you suggesting that we two, might happen to "get on"?

(chorus)

I eyed that girl both up and down, expecting her to blush
Instead she called the manager, who came over in a rush
"Does there seem to be a problem, Sir? Do you need a smaller size?"
The manager, he calmly asked, right before my eyes!

(chorus)

'Twas I who blushed, a deep hot red; From my neck up to my brow.
My respectability'd be shot, if this got around the town.
I muttered something diffident, and sat down like a fool
Prophylactics normally don't come with coffee as a rule

(Chorus)

Sperlonga Beach is popular, with patrons old and new
Who have a cup or maybe more, of the Pirates fine black brew
And if they come in one by one, when the evening it is through
You know they're safe even if they leave, hand in hand, and two by two

(chorus)

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12 Sep 00 - 12:13 AM (#295444)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Amos

I'm cracking up here guys -- this CHallenge is in most fine fettle! Thanks for the laughs! A´ine, what was that about the tent pole folding?

A

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12 Sep 00 - 12:25 AM (#295451)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Mbo

Did someone mention my ECU Pirates?/ Have you flogged YER crew today?

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12 Sep 00 - 12:41 AM (#295462)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Amos

Espresso Condom Blues

(Raunchy, con espirito)

E      E 7
Lady, lady of the night
E         E7
Came to me to put things right
A                     A7
Slipped that girl a double fin
E          E7
Getting ready to get in!
B7                              B7
Saw her start to rev it up
E                                      E7
Felt the need for one more cup,
 

               A                       A
Cuz I had to get a condom
E                    E
Haaaad to get a condom
B7                                                     A7                   E
Had to get a condom, that's what Mama said to do!
E                A                        A
Yeah, I had to get a condom,
E                    E
Didn't have a condom,
B7                                                     A7                   E
Found myself confronting those Espresso Condom blues!

Pretty lady,   looking wry
I was slow, she wondered why,
Couldn't confess to bein' a fool,
Shine it on, and play it cool
Let this hot tamale know,
She was second fiddle to my joe,

Cuz I.... (cho).

Lady Love was looking arch,
Wondered where I'd put the starch
Didn't think it was the scene
For me to favor hot caffeine,
She poured that Vente, hold the cream,
Down the front of my new blue jeans
 

And I had to get a condom!
Haad to get a condom!
Had to get a condom to cool those red hot jewels!
Yeah I had to get a condom!
A lubricated condom!
Anything to cure these Espresso  Condom blues!

While I was a-limping home
Trying not to whine and moan
Lost ten bucks and a lady bright
In the coffee house that night
So let me tell you love mosheens,
Don't mix your pleasures with caffeine,
 

Or you'll have to get a condom!
Be begging for a condom!
Pleading for a condom to cool your burning tools!
Yeah you'll haveta get a condom,
Better get a condom,
Before you get those Espresso Condom blues!

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12 Sep 00 - 12:52 AM (#295470)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Mbo

Smmmmmmmmmokin', Amos!

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12 Sep 00 - 05:10 PM (#295939)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: McGrath of Harlow

An Englishman in Rome

Well I felt like a pot of tea,
but in Rome they just don't make it.
So I thought I'd have a coffee,
and I'd drink it in the street.
Well the coffee wasn't bad at all,
but that sweet - I couldn't take it
it tasted most peculiar,
and it wasn't nice to eat.

So I went up to the Johnnie
who was standing at the bar,
and I said "Now my good fellow,
your coffee's pretty fair
But that morsel that you gave me,
it tasted horrible and blubbery
and I had a job to swallow it,
it tasted positively rubbery."

Well he rattled off some nonsense,
and I couldn't catch it all
He said "Not for the bambinos"
and "It stops you very well"
And he said that he was sorry,
but he clearly didn't understand,
for a box of those damn sweeties -
he thrust it in my hand.

So now I'm heading back again,
to my home and family,
and I've had a jolly holiday
to buck me up you see.
And I've got a present for the wife,
and I saved myself some bother,
for those sweeties from the coffee shop -
I'll give them to her mother.

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12 Sep 00 - 05:12 PM (#295942)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: MMario

I am *so* happy I put my drink down before reading that!

*applause* (please note I am standing)

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12 Sep 00 - 05:35 PM (#295959)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: mousethief

Well I am an old guitarist
From up Seattle way
I took a trip to bell' Italia
One fine summer day
Now I've played the mandolin before,
And the recorder, and the conga,
But I've never played the organ
Like they play it in Sperlonga!

The ol' coffee shop
You've just got to stop
And catch every drop
of that brew
They'll give you a present
You may find it pleasant
To see what that present
Can do!

Well I stayed there in Sperlonga
About a week or more
And every day I went downtown
To that espresso store
I learned to play that organ
Like I was playing for my life
I played so well I brought me back
A sweet Italian wife!

(Repeat chorus)

Thank you. You're a wonderful audience. No really.

O..O
=o=
click me

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12 Sep 00 - 06:36 PM (#296017)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: wysiwyg

LOL!!!!!

All of them!

~S~

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12 Sep 00 - 07:22 PM (#296057)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Mbo

Spermlonga

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12 Sep 00 - 07:41 PM (#296068)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: MMario

Mt - great! you'll have to hook up on HearMe and sing it for us!

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13 Sep 00 - 12:59 PM (#296493)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: mousethief

That will have to be after I get the sound card on my commputer working again. Sigh.

And after I write a melody for the chorus. :)

But I thank you kindly for the friendly words!

O..O
=o=
click me

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13 Sep 00 - 04:07 PM (#296610)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Áine

I'll be back with everyone's Silver B.L.O.B.s in a minute -- meanwhile, you can peruse my wee offering for this Challenge! I can't think of a tune for it; so, if one of my lovely Challenge!rs can come up with one, there's a squiggy hug and big snog from me in it for ya! *BG*

-- Áine

Granny's Got Some Pressies

(Chorus)
Oh, Granny's got some pressies for the kiddies,
Granny's got surprises for us all!
She went to sunny Italy for a fortnight,
And from the look on her face, she really had a ball!

Well, Granny won a few bob in the lotto,
She decided then to take a little trip,
'I'm only 62,' she said, a giggling,
'No blue rinse here, I'm off to have a rip!'

Down to the shops to buy some fancy knickers,
High-heeled shoes and dangling ear bobs, too,
Gran went too far, though, with the purple mini,
Mum nicked the bag and hid it in the loo!

Chorus

Well, Granny left us standing at the door, now,
'I can make it on my own and I'll write soon',
With a wicked grin, she got into the taxi,
As it left, we heard her whistling Brigadoon.

When we went to clean her room, that's when we found it,
A pamphlet for Sperlonga, Italy,
It looked the perfect spot for our dear Granny,
Smiling people sitting 'round, drinking coffee.

Chorus

Granny never wrote, instead she called us,
In the background, we could hear some funny sounds,
We asked her what they were, but she just laughed and
Said she was learning how to 'grind her coffee grounds'.

She said something 'bout a 'pirate' and his 'freebies',
How she'd 'trimmed his sails' and 'run his boat aground',
How she'd share her 'flavoured bounty' when she got home,
And she'd 'spread' her new found 'fortune' 'round the town!

(Chorus)
Oh, Granny's got some pressies for the kiddies,
Granny's got surprises for us all!
She went to sunny Italy for a fortnight,
And from the look on her face, she really had a ball!
And from the look on her face, she really had a ball!

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13 Sep 00 - 04:17 PM (#296614)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: mousethief

Well done, Áine! (and everybody!)

O..O
=o=
click me

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13 Sep 00 - 04:34 PM (#296626)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: MMario

Áine - it sorta goes to "Gramma got run over by a reindeer"

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13 Sep 00 - 06:32 PM (#296726)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Dharmabum

Dear misstress Aine.

ONLY THREE TIMES?

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13 Sep 00 - 06:46 PM (#296735)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Áine

And a tinkling laugh came from above and the Goddess spoke...

Tee-hee. I thought you'd like that!

-- TGG

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13 Sep 00 - 08:30 PM (#296797)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Naemanson

Oh I love this challenge! These songs are great! Congrats to all contributors.

I hope you will enjoy this small effort of mine finds fertile ground in the thread.

Marco was a plumber, in Sperlonga he stayed,
Jill was a teacher, on vacation she played.
They met on the beach and hit it off right,
Marco knew with the teacher he would stay the night,
Through the night ,
He knew they would play,
Through the night,
Through the night.

They stopped at The Pirate, espresso to drink,
When the waiter served the coffee at Marco he winked.
He saw Marco was in with the teacher real tight,
He would plumb the depths of the teacher that night,
Through the night ,
He knew they would play,
Through the night,
Through the night.

And so on the table he left for them each
A bright colored condom within easy reach
They each quickly slipped theirs out of sight,
But he knew that the condoms would stretch out that night,
Through the night ,
He knew they would play,
Through the night,
Through the night.

That night Marco used all the tricks that he knew,
And Jill was no slouch in the bed as she proved,
The free condoms they used and they fit just right
As they played together all through the night,
Through the night ,
As they played together,
Through the night,
Through the night.

Next day Marco turned to his wrenches and tools,
And Jill flew on home to go back to her school,
And all through the day she smiled on her flight
As she thought of what happened between them that night
Through the night ,
What happened in bed,
Through the night,
Through the night.

But you know eight weeks scarcely had passed
When that happy smile left the face of the lass
She learned not to trust Italian rubber stretched tight
As she paid for the fun that she had through the night,
Through the night,
She paid for the fun
That she had,
Through the night.

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14 Sep 00 - 08:31 AM (#297068)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Áine

Ah Naemanson, a true 'morality' tale if there ever was one! Well done indeed. Here is your Silver B.L.O.B. for these conscience stirring lines:

But you know eight weeks scarcely had passed
When that happy smile left the face of the lass
She learned not to trust Italian rubber stretched tight
As she paid for the fun that she had through the night

(However, my 21st century female mind is wondering why you couldn't add a verse or two where your Italian plumber gets to 'pay' as well for his night of fun as well . . . it could add an interesting twist to the end of the story . . .)

Thanks again for a great song for this Challenge!, Áine

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14 Sep 00 - 08:33 AM (#297071)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Naemanson

OK I'll take that suggestion on board.

BTW, the tune is Quare Bungle Rye.

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14 Sep 00 - 06:37 PM (#297506)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: DougR

LOVE IT! Makes me wish I could write a song.

I can just visualize it now, the young boys walking down the street in tight bluejeans, wallet in the rear pocket with the telltale condom ring in plain view.

What a way to advertise!

DougR

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14 Sep 00 - 07:40 PM (#297546)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: McGrath of Harlow

Of course this all lives a different twist to a few well loved songs:

What I want is a proper cup of coffee
made in a proper copper coffee pot

And
One more cup of coffee for the road
One more cup of coffee 'fore I go
To the valley below

And I just checked in the DT, and there are 126 entries there with coffee in them. And they suddenly start taking on a new significance. (Mind if you've ever been to Amsterdam the term "coffeehouse" takes on a pretty strange significance anyway, even without the chewing gum giveaways.)

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16 Sep 00 - 11:34 AM (#298652)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Áine

Come on, Challenge!rs -- Surely we haven't exhausted the song themes on this topic yet!

-- Aine

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16 Sep 00 - 02:36 PM (#298743)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: katlaughing

refresh

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16 Sep 00 - 02:45 PM (#298750)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: hesperis

It's not done until I've finished mine!
And I kinda ran out of lubric- oops! Inspiration!

I will be back... after my back-rub.

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16 Sep 00 - 03:17 PM (#298769)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Áine

I know we're all looking forward to seeing what you come up with, hesperis -- after you're sufficiently lubricat, oops, I mean inspired... *BG*

-- Áine

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16 Sep 00 - 05:31 PM (#298826)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Naemanson

Aine - Your every wish is my command. You wanted a verse showing an bad ending for Marco too and here it is.

As Jill was a-winging her way through the air
Marco began to feel full of despair
His crotch was itching after all his delight,
You might say he was crabby when he thought of that night
Oh that night,
He was crabby whenever
He thought of that night

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16 Sep 00 - 05:36 PM (#298828)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Áine

ROTFLMAO!!!! Now THAT'S a perfect ending!! LOL!! Naemanson, you hereby awarded another Silver B.L.O.B. for that verse -- I love it!

-- Áine

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16 Sep 00 - 06:10 PM (#298851)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Bradypus

This one's a bit oblique ...

International Rubber

Italian Coffee, French Letter
I remember when I met her
In Sperlonga, by the sea
Danish pastries, Chinese tea

Scotch whisky, German beer
Good to know my love was near
The evening passed, we both felt fine
Jamaican rum, Australian wine

Belgian chocolate, Swiss cheese
Dreams are made from things like these
So together we would lie
Norwegian Wood, American Pie

Turkish Coffee, Spanish Flea
In Sperlonga by the sea
French Letter, I forget
Chinese Patience, Vatican Roulette !

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16 Sep 00 - 06:24 PM (#298862)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: MMario

you're on-line in HearMe, brady, why not sing it?

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16 Sep 00 - 07:55 PM (#298920)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Bradypus

Mmario -

four reasons for not singing this on Hearme:

1.. everyone else has gone to bed, and I'd better not disturb them

2.. I'm trying to get the baby back to sleep - and I don't think singing would work, because ..

3.. I can't sing (well, not in tune anyway), and finally

4.. I don't really have a tune for International Rubber yet!

Bradypus

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16 Sep 00 - 11:40 PM (#299051)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: hesperis

Well, I'll see what my man can come up with, anyway... *g*

hesperis, signing off mudcat to go work on
the song! Yes, the song. (You folks! Get those silly grins off your faces!)

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16 Sep 00 - 11:48 PM (#299054)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Mbo

You have a man that helps you write songs? Weird!

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17 Sep 00 - 02:45 PM (#299356)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Áine

Dear hesperis,

So, what did you come up with after all your hard work last night? (hehehehehe) It's gonna be great, I just know!

-- Áine

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17 Sep 00 - 02:59 PM (#299361)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: hesperis

Mbo - he doesn't actually help me write songs, but he's definitely an inspiration for this one. OOPS!

Áine - I've got some more of it, but I need to grow it for a bit longer, I think... THE SONG! I am talking about THE SONG!

(Dirty-minded, mutter, mutter... Some people, mutter, mutter...)

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17 Sep 00 - 09:42 PM (#299561)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Naemanson

I don't understand the way this thread has gone. I am sitting here in wide eyed innocence listening and most of this conversation has gone right over my head. What else could she be talking about other than the song? (Picture rosy cheeks, a tentative smile, and large blue eyes gazing up in confidence and adoration waiting for the explanation to bring enlightenment.)

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20 Sep 00 - 03:11 PM (#301551)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Áine

Dear hesperis,

So -- where is it -- the song, I mean ;-)??? You had all these fellas drooling all weekend in expectation of a large contribution from yourself, and they haven't seen anything yet...they'll start calling you a 'tease' if you don't put out - uh, I mean, put up your song soon...and I don't think that my garden hose will reach this far...

-- Áine

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21 Sep 00 - 05:28 PM (#302557)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Áine

Well, it's time to be movin' on, so hesperis, we're still hoping that you'll still give us your song -- remember, a Challenge! never really ends...

All the appropos Cudos, Congrats and Thanks to all you Challenge!rs who stopped by for a cuppa, and I have to say that the songs entered this time were exceptionally finely ground:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):
International Rubber by Bradypus
Rubber Cup Cafe by MichaelAnthony

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):
Aye, There's The Rub(ber) by Naemanson
Espresso Condom Blues by Amos
Hard Day At Sperlonga by Dharmabum
Somethin' Hot Is Brewin' by MMario

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):
An Englishman in Rome by McGrath of Harlow
The Sperlonga Cafe by mousethief

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04 Sep 01 - 11:23 AM (#541565)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39
From: Aidan Crossey

When a huge caffeine surge, starts to give you the urge
That's amore
When a tiramisu, starts me fancying you
That's amore

Bells will ring, ting-alinga ling
Ting alinga ling and you'll sing vita bella
And you'll say tippy-tippy-tay
Tippy-tippy-tay Come to bed with your fella

When your sap starts to rise or you're damp 'tween your thighs
That's amore
When you can't eat your meal, cos you're copping a feel
You're in love
When you're ready to blow, but you know you can't show it signora
Scusa me, but you see, back in old Napoli
That's amore!

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