Song Challenge! Part 42

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Song Challenge! Part 42

06 Oct 00 - 01:18 PM (#313588)
Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

Alrightey then, Challenge!rs -- Are you ready to combat the whims and wiles of Mother Nature? Has your dog/cat been looking askance at you lately? Has your budgie become suddenly sullen? Here's a Challenge! for you then -- You have a choice to (1) pick one of the stories for an entry song, OR (2) go for the big doggie biscuit and incorporate all the stories into your entry song.

These are all true stories, so if you hear the pitter patter of claws or paws behind you some night, you might just wonder

What The Heck Is Going On Here?

Chicken-Duck "Troops" Battle Locusts (Xinjiang, China) - Twice a day, over 700,000 trained chickens and ducks chow down on locusts at the foot of Tianshan Mountain in the Xinjiang Uygur Autonomous Region, northwest China. By nightfall, the chicken-duck troops can devour nearly 100 million locusts, making a welcome dent in one of the region's worst locust plagues in years. Locusts have affected 2.6 million hectares of farmland in the northwest China region. To fight back, the region has brought in some 100,000 ducks to join the locust-killing bio-troops made up of chickens, migrating starlings and microspores. The bio-troops have helped kill locusts on over 270,000 hectares of land and the region has decided to double its number of ducks and chickens for its fight against the locusts next year. Ma Yonggang, a herdsman on the northern side of Tianshan Mountain, is breeding 5,000 locust-killing brown ducks.

Battles On the Sanglochon Line (Var, France) - Marauding bands of "sanglochons" -- a cross between a wild boar (sanglier) and domestic pig (cochon) -- have been wreaking havoc throughout the Alpes-Maritime region Var, a picturesque county in south-east France. Marcel Laugier, a local wildlife officer, said: "They're everywhere. It's like a plague. They come into inhabited areas and root through bins and dig up lawns and drink out of swimming pools. They're extremely greedy. I get a constant stream of calls from people complaining about them." Sanglochons were first bred in Belgium and north-west France at the end of the last century. The breed gradually died out, but was resurrected in the 1980s when farmers again began rearing them. The experiment didn't prove successful, however, and, unable to find a market for their pigs, many farmers simply released them into the wild. Their fast breeding rate has meant that over the last 20 years their numbers have increased by 600 percent, and it is now estimated there are over 10,000 of them roaming the Var alone. "There's no doubt that if they get into the wild they can be a real problem," says Michel Van der Oost, a sanglochon breeder from Neufchateau in Belgium. "They can be very naughty and willful, and aggressive too sometimes. Mind you, they make wonderful sausages."

(From McGrath of Harlow) Don't Monkey With Us, Monsieur! (Paris, France) - With pitbulls, dobermans and rottweilers under fire from the French authorities, youth gangs in the depressed city suburbs have discovered an alternative way to intimidate their rivals - with attack monkeys. "They're ultra-fashionable," said Didier Lecourbe, a police officer from the depressed Paris suburb of Aubervilliers. "There are dozens of them. Kids take them out on leads, and even carry baby monkeys around in nappies. But these animals can be very dangerous indeed." Imported illegally through Spain from Gibraltar, Morocco or Algeria, the Barbary apes are known for their powerful limbs, sharp teeth and short tempers. Veterinary experts say they can be turned into frightening and effective weapons. "Removed from their natural habitat, they can become highly aggressive," says Marie-Claude Bomsel of the natural history museum, "They bite, and their favoured method of attack is to hurl themselves at people's heads." Police believe as many as 500 Barbary apes may have been smuggled into France in the past two years. "Now the authorities have cracked down on pitbulls and the rest, apes look like becoming the new weapon of choice," said Mr Lecourbe. "We've heard of monkey-fights being run in tower block basements."

Monkeys See, Monkeys Threw (Jarratt, Virginia) Three monkeys hurled bananas and crab apples at cars on Interstate 95, then fled into the woods, police said. Police believe the monkeys escaped while being taken to the state fair in Richmond or a circus in North Carolina. State Trooper Mike Scott was flagged down Sunday by a driver who had pulled over near Jarratt. "When I walked up to the car, it looked like a banana had been smeared on the side," Scott said. The woman told him a monkey had thrown the fruit about a mile back. "I started laughing," Scott said. But he drove to the scene of the attack and found a van and a station wagon on the side of the highway. "A man said, 'I know this sounds crazy, but a monkey threw an apple at our car,"' Scott said. Just then, something hit the van. "Lo and behold there were three brown monkeys in an oak tree throwing crab apples," Scott said. The primates jumped down, ran across the highway and escaped into more trees.

Go For It, Challenge!rs!!

06 Oct 00 - 01:46 PM (#313613)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: mousethief

Dr. Doolittle's Answering Macine Message
by Alex "Mousethief" Riggle

Thank you for calling Dr. Doolittle
We're sorry he can't take your call
The doctor is out of the office today
And probably will be all Fall.

First he's off to Xinjiang, China
We hope you'll wish him luck
They've thought up a new, clever way
To fatten Peking Duck

They want him to train their birdies
To eat their locust pests
One million strong they'll march to war
Then march back to their nests

Then he's flying out to Paris
Where monkeys are running loose
They jump on ladies' bonnets
And bite them in the caboose

They French hope he will stop them
We're really not sure how
But just to be safe, he's bringing a case
Of Purina Monkey Chow

Then he's off by train to the Alps
Where pigs are raising hell
They breed like rabbits on Viagra
They're rude and greedy, and smell.

Of course the French are used to that
This is a tourist region
But American tourists come in small groups
And not in a porcine legion

Then the doctor flies back to the states
To Florida, where windshield wipers
Can't clean off the fruit that monkeys hurl
There's jealousy among the snipers

They're hoping the doctor can make 'em stop
And I don't think he'll refuse to
And once he's done they'll go back to their guns
Like the people there are used to

So we're sorry the doctor can't take your call
But you see how very busy he's been
But he'll return your call if you leave your name
--If he ever gets back here again.

06 Oct 00 - 01:59 PM (#313619)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: mousethief

How embarassing. Answering MacHine Message.

Alex
O..O
=o=

06 Oct 00 - 02:45 PM (#313662)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Micca

WELL I'LL BE A SON OF A PITCH

Way down in far Virginia
Along I ninety five
There's monkeys chucking fruit about
That threatens limb and life

Now Trooper Scott was on patrol
When summoned to the scene
His first thought was "what a**hole
Is making fun of me"?

When he got there a woman
Said a banana has been thrown
Its gone all over my engine
Thrown by a monkey, brown

He still found this amusing
In fact it was a hoot
Until the band of monkeys
pelted him with fruit

and one of the apples was spot on
and caught him in the rear
the next one curved and fluttered
and caught him in the ear

He summoned up reinforcements
Of men with guns and nets
And doctors with jabs for tetanus
And JenEllen and her vets

Now the apes have been recaptured
But one has a new job today
He's to pitch in professional baseball
And the Cardinals have a Primate to play

06 Oct 00 - 03:03 PM (#313675)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: McGrath of Harlow

Here's a brief one I did earlier, as they say on a gun law thread some time back, but it seems apposite,

The "right to bear arms" is a right I disdain, the "right to arm bears" is the right I proclaim, and the "right to arm possums" out there in the timber and give those brave hunters a time to remember.

06 Oct 00 - 05:02 PM (#313749)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

THE MONKEY MAFIA

(Sung to Riders on the storm by the Doors)

We're the monkey mafia,
Watch out or we'll get ya,
Your kneecaps we will break,
And your money we will take,
We terrorize ol'gay Par'ee,
It sure beats swingin from a tree,
We're the monkey mafia.

We're the simian wise guys,
Don't dare look us in the eyes,
On a leash we will be led,
We will jump right at your head,
We are very much in vogue,
If you are a young french rogue,
We're the simian wise guys.

We're evolutionary thugs,
With our banana eatin mugs,
We used to swing on vines,
Now we're enjoyin better times,
When you're held up by an ape,
There's little chance of an escape,
We're evolutionary thugs.

We're the Paris primate clan,
We'll steal & rob all that we can,
We're the gorrillas in the mist,
Pray you're not on our hit list,
In your town we'll throw a fit,
In your streets we'll go apeshit,
We're the Paris primate clan.

We're the monkey madness crew,
And we're out to strongarm you,
When you see us better hide,
Got Jane Goodall on our side,
We're the darkside of Darwins dreams,
And we're scheming up new schemes,
We're the monkey madness crew.

We're just apes that are no good,
And we're comin to your hood,
We're monkeys with bad attitudes,
We're just knuckle draggin dudes,
We're takin over on your street,
Cause we got thumbs on all our feet,
We're just apes that are no good.

Ron, first instalment.

line breaks fixed by mud elf

06 Oct 00 - 05:54 PM (#313777)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

Wow! I didn't think you guys would be this fast off the porch ;-) Well done, everyone. Here are the first Silver B.L.O.B.s:

To mousethief for:

Then he's flying out to Paris
Where monkeys are running loose
They jump on ladies' bonnets
And bite them in the caboose

To Micca for:

Now the apes have been recaptured
But one has a new job today
He's to pitch in professional baseball
And the Cardinals have a Primate to play

To Dharmabum for:

We're just apes that are no good,
And we're comin to your hood,
We're monkeys with bad attitudes,
We're just knuckle draggin dudes,
We're takin over on your street,
Cause we got thumbs on all our feet,
We're just apes that are no good.

And, of course, to McGrath of Harlow for:

The "right to bear arms" is a right I disdain,
the "right to arm bears" is the right I proclaim,
and the "right to arm possums" out there in the timber
and give those brave hunters a time to remember.

Ah, this is getting off to a grand start!

-- Áine

06 Oct 00 - 09:39 PM (#313869)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Tinker

Dharmabum, I am laughing out loud sooo ominous and dark. Just like the weather here tonite. I love it.
Tinker

06 Oct 00 - 10:48 PM (#313886)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

Thanks Tinker, Be careful there tonite, don't go out in the mist. Ron.

07 Oct 00 - 01:20 PM (#314159)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Amos

This is too rich!! I don't have time to compose a full blown song (even in five minutes) but the titles are welling up like monkey-thrown crabapples:

Bring in the Ducks...There Ought to Be Ducks

Today Is the Day The Sanglochons Come to your Picnic

I Got An Ole Brown Ape

The Monkey Came Back

The Revenge of The Animal Fair

...and something to the tune of Green Alligators.

07 Oct 00 - 06:21 PM (#314326)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

I tried to incorporate all of the animal related challanges past & present into this one. Hope I didn't miss any.

OH,OH,WOE IS ME
(sung to Home on the range)

I was sitting at home,
And thru my channels did roam,
On my tv there in the den,
There on CNBC,
The man said to me,
The world's ending, details at ten.

(Chorus)
Oh,oh,woe is me,
I'm afraid that we're close to the end,
Wildlife has gone mad,
And they're acting real bad,
And the Mudcat's been my only friend.

There's ducks & chickens in China,
And there ain't none that's fina,
They eat locusts that are feeding on crops,
But the locusts are winning,
And the crops are all thinning,
But they'll eat until the plague stops.

(chorus)

Now they've got problems in France,
With an odd circumstance,
Wild boars are running rampant & free,
And from monkeys imported,
There's been trouble reported,
On the streets in the town of Paree'.

(chorus)

And the fun never stops,
Monkeys throw fruit at cops,
Here at home along route 95,
They seem to be so inclined,
To have revenge on their mind,
Now they're wanted dead or alive.

(chorus)

Now who woulda thunk,
That a raccoon that's drunk,
Could possibly cause such a fuss,
But it's just as I fear,
Too much Osaka beer,
He took the boat cause he missed the bus.

(chorus)

I was driving one day,
And while on my way,
I stopped for a tankfull of gas,
And what did I see,
Sitting there next to me,
Was a fox with a hose up his ass.

(chorus)

And I heard in Norway,
There's a moose there today,
That likes to dance on the hood of your car,
And she's real she's not fake,
Swimmin round in her lake,
Dear Selma's become a real star.

(chorus)

The little honey bee,
Flies around don't you see,
Makin honey & doin his things,
He was not meant to be,
A lab rat you see,
Or a flying transistor with wings.

(chorus)

Now the worst of them all,
Is mankind in the mall,
When they dress in a big bunny suit,
Supposed to be meek & mild,
But they're crazy & wild,
They'll turn ugly when supposed to be cute.

(chorus)

And in London each spring,
They do the strangest thing,
I can't hardly believe my eyes,
They spit out the poo,
Left there by the Kudu,
To see who goes home with a prize.

Oh,Oh, Woe is me,
I'm afraid that we're close to the end,
Wildlife has gone mad,
Mankind's acting real bad,
And the Mudcat's been my only friend.

Ron.

line breaks edited by mud elf

07 Oct 00 - 06:25 PM (#314333)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Liz the Squeak

I surrender - I had something worked out on the lines of the Monkees theme, but I just quit right now!!

LTS

07 Oct 00 - 06:40 PM (#314347)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

Monkees theme,Gee wish I'd thought of that! C'mon Liz I'd love to hear it!

09 Oct 00 - 05:46 AM (#314532)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

C'mon on Liz!!! The Song Challenge! is supposed to encourage you to write, not the other way around. I'd love to hear your Monkee's Theme entry!!! Please???

And Dharmabum - I just couldn't decide (again) which verse to award a Silver B.L.O.B., so dang it, the whole song gets it! Well done, sir.

OK now Challenge!rs -- Shorty and Loki gave you all a day off from the Challenge! this weekend, so you should all be rested, and all those creative juices should be ripe for running with the topic and straight into a great song . . . C'mon y'all, Go For It!!!

-- Áine

09 Oct 00 - 10:24 AM (#314646)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Kim C

My brain ain't on all 8 yet - so here's an idea for someone else. Shock the Monkey?

09 Oct 00 - 01:18 PM (#314783)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: GUEST,Bardford

Wonderful.Wonderful. Maybe there is a spin-off opportunity for Marlin Perkin's "Wild Kingdom" show here... Anyhoo, here's my contribution, composed while listening to sea shanties and eating animal crackers.

I'm a man of the world, well travelled am I
There is no place that I've not wandered
But now I'll ne'er leave home, no never no more
I'll not leave, not for love, gold nor plunder

Join me now lads and stand me a glass
And my stories of woe to you I will pass
These are tales tall but these tales are true
Just as sure as I sit here drinking with you

As I lay with a comely lass in a mountain meadow in France
A stampede of wild boars scared her back into her pants
Quickly back into her pants
I'll never hike those meadows again, lads, for it is no place for courting
The coitis there is interrupted by the rooting and the snorting
The pigs in France they do hinder romance, it isn't very sporting

A fair mamselle in Paris I did meet, sweet and long did we embrace
Her husband did discover us and tossed a monkey in my face
A scurvey scratchy monkey in my face
I'll ne'er go back to France again, my friends, for the customs there are strange
Six months in the hospital, my handsome face to rearrange
Six months in the hospital, my handsome face to rearrange

I met a girl in China she was bright and sweet
Her job it was to train the birds the locusts for to eat
the plague of locusts for to eat
I'll ne'er go back to China, boys, as I found it strange to see
For the chickens and ducks in China they go to university
The chickens and ducks in China are trained in university

A lovely Virginia girl and I were parked along the interstate
A gang of monkeys pelted the car just as things were going great
But our love will have to wait
And I'll never return to Virginia, boys, for it's surely not amusing
The monkeys in Virginia there my lust they were defusing
With apples and bananas they throw to interrupt seducing

Peace,
Bardford

09 Oct 00 - 03:00 PM (#314836)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

GOOD ONE BARD!!!!!!

09 Oct 00 - 03:12 PM (#314849)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: GUEST,Bardford

Thanks Dharmabum. I missed the thread referencing the fox at the gas station, but with one simple line, I must say that you've left an indelible image.

09 Oct 00 - 03:49 PM (#314878)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Amos

Bardford, th'art well named! Nicely turned, mate!

10 Oct 00 - 08:41 AM (#315389)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

Twas BRILLy when the BARDFORD wrote... -- 'Well done' just doesn't cover it, Bardford - that was a wunnerful, wunnerful song!! So, here's two kisses on both cheeks (shut up, Dharmabum!) and a Silver B.L.O.B. for:

As I lay with a comely lass in a mountain meadow in France
A stampede of wild boars scared her back into her pants
Quickly back into her pants
I'll never hike those meadows again, lads, for it is no place for courting
The coitis there is interrupted by the rooting and the snorting
The pigs in France they do hinder romance, it isn't very sporting

-- Áine

10 Oct 00 - 05:40 PM (#315743)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

WHO.......ME? he he he .

10 Oct 00 - 07:19 PM (#315831)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Bradypus

Well done to all the above challengers - a good set of songs. We seem to have a soft spot for animals, but as this is the Mudcat, I suppose that's understandable.

This wants a French cafe-style accordion accompaniment - something like 'Those Canaan Days' from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat'
Sanglochon Saucisson

There's a restaurant I know of in Var, France
In a back street in a quaint old French town
We found it completely by bon chance
It seemed just a little run down

Still the menu was tempting good value
The aroma, it sang of great food
We entered and sat at a table
An aperitif made us feel good

Each course as it came was outstanding
Les escargots with garlic a treat
Daube de saumon, Boeuf Bourgignone, tarte Tatin
The best that I ever did eat

We sat back, replete and contented.
'Mes compliments to the patron!'
'Monsieur, 'e will come in a minute'
From the kitchen came a sanglochon!

Imagine my startled reaction
ButI spoke to the piglike chef still
'Your cuisine, my dear sir, is amazing
Pray, why do you cook, if you will ?

'Monsieur, I am happy to tell you
We sanglochons know how to cook
I found out this fact quite by accident
While browsing an old cookery book'

'In a chapter on French charcuterie
I came on this phrase quite by chance:
'Dear reader, note well, the sanglochon
Makes the best sausages in all France!'

(Sorry, couldn't resist the twisted interpretation of the challenge)

Bradypus

10 Oct 00 - 07:32 PM (#315840)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

How does one say HOOOOORRRRRAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!! in french?

Ron.

10 Oct 00 - 08:11 PM (#315863)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Amos

FORRRRRRRMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDABLLLLLE!!! Mon cher Bradypus, t'est un auteur vachement enorme!!!

10 Oct 00 - 08:32 PM (#315877)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

Ah, mon cher Bradypus, voulez vous a cou -- Oops, Dear Hubby just walked up -- Merde! ;-) Well, I feel like I just ate a very satisfactory meal, Mr. B. (shut up, Dharmabum - and you too, Amos!) Ah, 'tis a thing of beauty (and taste) that you have graced us with...and here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Each course as it came was outstanding
Les escargots with garlic a treat
Daube de saumon, Boeuf Bourgignone, tarte Tatin
The best that I ever did eat

My compliments to the, uh, chef!! ;-)

-- Áine

10 Oct 00 - 09:12 PM (#315889)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: GUEST,Bardford

Bradypus - Je suis rolling on the floor avec un stitch in my side. A wit like an epee.Incroyable!Tu est Le Premiere Etoile dans le challenge quarante-deux, version des animaux.
Bardford

10 Oct 00 - 09:24 PM (#315896)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: GUEST,Bardford

Here is a partial translation of my comments above done at babelfish:Click here

I am rolling one tea floor with a stitch in my side. Incredible! You are The First Starry in the contest forty - two, version of animals.

10 Oct 00 - 10:46 PM (#315977)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Amos

I believe, Bradypus, that the Gaelic Goddess was about to invie you upstairs for a haircut. Vouleez-vous couper les cheveux?

:>) Mais, ouiiiiiiiiiii!!!

11 Oct 00 - 10:02 AM (#316209)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: MMario

wonderful!

11 Oct 00 - 04:16 PM (#316485)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

Uh, yeah, sure, Amos - that's what I meant alright . . . ;-) (hee, hee, hee).

-- Áine

11 Oct 00 - 04:35 PM (#316503)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

I met a gypsy girl named Aine
In a fortune tellin place
I met a gypsy girl named Aine
In a fortune tellin place
You know she read my mind
And slapped me cross my face.

DIRTYLITTLEDHARMABUM

11 Oct 00 - 06:47 PM (#316620)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Scotsbard

The Food Chain Gang

"Well look at all that fodder!" said the locust to his kin,
"We'll just jump down to eat it all and multiply again!"
So into all those fields they flew, excited by their luck,
And never guessed that they'd be having dinner with a duck.

They're low on the food chain ... yeah ...
Way low on the food .. chain .. gang ...
It doesn't matter if you think you're eating mighty fine,
There's someone who might munch on you a little up the line -
Just part of the food ... chain .. gang.

"Well look at all those hoppers!" said the ducklings to their dam.
The next day they could waddle back, just munching as they swam.
Beneath his coolie hat the farmer calmly eyed the flock,
Not one of them thought "Peking Duck!" would that be such a shock?

They're low on the food chain ... yeah ...
Way low on the food .. chain .. gang ...
It doesn't matter if they help you find a better meal,
There's someone up the line who thinks you have some mouth appeal -
Just part of the food ... chain .. gang.

"Well look at those fowl sloppings!" said the porker to his sow,
"Don't let them trick you back into that sty! Be careful now!"
They rooted garbage bins and garden rows but stayed aloof,
'Till Jaques the hunter spied himself some sausage on the hoof.

They're low on the food chain ... yeah ...
Way low on the food .. chain .. gang ...
It doesn't matter if you run and forage for your self,
There's always someone who can see you fit his larder shelf -
Just part of the food ... chain .. gang.

Just part of the food ... chain .. gang.

Sing the verses with sort of a lazy talking interrupted blues, the kind where the instruments just sort of emphasize the turn of each line (although I can't think of an example right now, darnit) and then swing over to a jazzy chick vocal trio thing with a walking bass for the chorus(es).

(And all of my ideas on how to fit the monkeys into this were waaaay to silly ... McMaybe McMore McLater)

~S~

11 Oct 00 - 07:57 PM (#316677)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

SAUSAGE ON THE HOOF.

I LOVE IT!!!!!!

12 Oct 00 - 08:33 AM (#317094)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

Dear Scotsbard - McWunnerful! ;-) I do believe this is your very first Challenge! entry, is it not? Congrats and cudos for joining the 'gang'. And here's your first (of many, I hope) Silver B.L.O.B.s for:

I know it's a bit unusual for me to choose a chorus for a Silver B.L.O.B.; but, I felt this one summed up the whole 'essence' of the song.

-- Áine

(And Dharmabum, you do know that I'd give you two kisses on each cheek right after I'd slapped you silly, don't you? hee, hee, hee)

12 Oct 00 - 09:36 AM (#317141)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: MMario

that's eight kisses for dharmabum?

Scotsbard, I loved it!

12 Oct 00 - 10:18 AM (#317173)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

You can slap me silly anytime Aine(of course, I'm not that far from silly already).

DB.

12 Oct 00 - 11:42 AM (#317263)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Scotsbard

Thank you, Áine. I've been tempted to enter some of the other challenges, but this one tickled my funny bone too much to watch from the sidelines.

I do have a question ... What is a Silver B.L.O.B. ?

~S~

12 Oct 00 - 12:34 PM (#317323)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

Dear Scotsbard,

A Silver B.L.O.B. is a Silver Best Line O' Bull award that is given during a Challenge! to the best bits of verse.

To clarify the 'bull' reference, check out the Song Challenge! Winners page and the names of the 'real' awards ;-)

And please note that no Challenge! is ever 'officially' over, so check out the Song Challenge!s From The Past page and see if anything else 'tickles your fancy'!

-- Áine

12 Oct 00 - 02:46 PM (#317401)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: GUEST,Bardford

Dear Song Challengers,
My name is Bardford and I'm a Challaholic. I woke up in the middle of the night with this cavorting in my head (Fans of T-Rex-the band, not the dinosaur- might recognize Bang a Gong):

Sanglachon
On my lawn
Sanglochon

Then this, for which I apologize publicly to Eric Bogle whose lovely and lyrical song is the basis for this tasteless attempt. The song, of course is Willie McBride, or Green Fields of France, although my version is entitled:

Spleen Things on his Pants

Well how do you do, I see by your side
Some creature has rendered a gash in your hide
From the angle of entry it looks like the horn
Of a pig or a boar your belly has torn.

And I smell by your campfire you've something to roast
Did you cause the mad pig to give up the ghost?
I hope your wound heals quickly and that it heals clean
There is nothing so horrid as bacillus porcine.

CHORUS:
D'you cook sanglochon slowly, in pieces or wholly
Do you marinade first, in beer or in wine?
Did you learn to cook here in the forest
Would you copy the recipe for us?

Verse 2:
The sun shines no more on the pigs here in France.
They've sniffed their last truffle, they've danced their last dance
No sanglachons wild the land will allow
No rampaging swine, no boars or sows now.
Because of one man who dare take a stand
Against the wild scourge marauding the land
Dispatching the herd with a single hand
The whole crossbred lot spitted & panned.

CHORUS

Verse 2:
Well, I can't help but wonder now, though I have tried,
Is how can you eat with the hole in your side
One would think that with the size of your wound
Any foodstuffs partaken would end up on the ground.
Perhaps your cooking was all done in vain
For eating the food must cause you some pain
I hope you don't collapse under the strain
And recommend you acquire some novacaine.

CHORUS

Verse 3:

And ere I go off to leave you behind
Would you mind sharing a taste of the lovely pork rind?
Although with wild meat I'm not overly keen
The brisket is actually quite tender and lean
You've rather the touch when cooking wild game
It can be very tricky over an open flame
I daresay your skill would bring fortune and fame
If you don't take up cuisine it would be a shame.

CHORUS

Sorry.

Written 12 Oct 2000 by the author.

12 Oct 00 - 02:53 PM (#317405)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: MMario

Bardford, whyfor the "sorry" at the end of your post? Gaddknows I wish *I* had been able to come up with something for this challenge.

I especially like
"They've sniffed their last truffle,
they've danced their last dance
No sanglachons wild the land will allow
No rampaging swine, no boars or sows now."

12 Oct 00 - 03:46 PM (#317440)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Scotsbard

*LOL* Bradford, this borders on the sanglarigious!

~S~

12 Oct 00 - 04:59 PM (#317489)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Bradypus

Good one, Bardford - well thought out, and well executed.

Bradypus

12 Oct 00 - 05:08 PM (#317495)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: mousethief

Nicely done, Bard! Pity about your counting though. :-)

Alex
O..O
=o=

12 Oct 00 - 05:14 PM (#317502)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Naemanson

Wow! Some great additions to the Challenge! here. I love 'em all. Glad I don't have to udge them. Great work, gang.

12 Oct 00 - 05:21 PM (#317505)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: mousethief

I hate udging too. It's ust so ard!

watching my fingers VERY carefully,
Alex
O..O
=o=

12 Oct 00 - 05:46 PM (#317524)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Bradypus

This to the tune of 'Sam the Skull' as featured on This thread

Kung Foo Quack

Chorus
I'm a duck, I'm a duck, I'm a Peking duck
And my name is Kung Foo Quack
I do ill, and I kill with my beak or bill
When I go in to attack
I'm not the kind of duck that just lives in muck
When the locusts swarm around
I'm the kind of duck that brings bad luck
Where those evil things abound

In the Tianshan mountains you can hear them say
"Hurry, send for Kung Foo Quack
There's a huge swarm of locusts heading right this way
And they're going to attack"
So my squad and me readily agree
To deploy ourselves with speed
We attack the swarm, do them lots of harm
And have ourselves a right good feed.

Chorus

Now the paddy fields all give sky-high yields
And this isn't down to luck
Someone had it right when with great foresight
He got a hundred thousand duck
Microspores and hens join in the fray
When the plague are on the wing
And a weapon new to mix in the brew
The top secret killer starling

Chorus

When you eat your rice, thinking 'This is nice"
Just remember Kung Foo Quack
He's a killer keen, organic and bright green
Who loves locusts for a snack
But should the plague of locusts fail
Whatever will you do?
It's not too absurd to think perhaps this bird
Will be coming after you!

Chorus

Bradypus

12 Oct 00 - 05:49 PM (#317528)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

So, I guess that makes me the Upreme Udge then, doesn't it? ;-)

And as such, I hereby award Bardford TWO Silver B.L.O.B.s for:

And I smell by your campfire you've something to roast
Did you cause the mad pig to give up the ghost?
I hope your wound heals quickly and that it heals clean
There is nothing so horrid as bacillus porcine.

AND

The sun shines no more on the pigs here in France.
They've sniffed their last truffle, they've danced their last dance
No sanglachons wild the land will allow
No rampaging swine, no boars or sows now.

My, my, my!! I just can't get over the talent at this barbeque stand! I just wish I could wrap my head around English at the moment long enough to write something -- I've been working on a short story and a new song in Irish and I'm feeling a bit befuddled at the moment.

-- Áine

12 Oct 00 - 05:53 PM (#317532)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

And for my dearest Bradypus, who's latest entry is a real killer, here's a Silver B.L.O.B. for:

When you eat your rice, thinking 'This is nice"
Just remember Kung Foo Quack
He's a killer keen, organic and bright green
Who loves locusts for a snack
But should the plague of locusts fail
Whatever will you do?
It's not too absurd to think perhaps this bird
Will be coming after you!

I'm ust loving this udging business! ;-)

-- Áine

12 Oct 00 - 06:21 PM (#317557)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: mousethief

And you oo it so ell, too.

Alex
O..O
=o=

12 Oct 00 - 06:28 PM (#317563)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Naemanson

The entries are so good I felt I couldn't match what has already been written. Please accpt this humble submission.

TO KEEP THE THREAT AT BAY.
You have heard the tales of China where the ducks stand guard all day,
And they eat the dreaded locust to keep that threat at bay,
The ducks are tough the ducks are hard
As through the garden and fields they guard
They March, March, March,

March, March, March,
The ducks they march all day,
Eating locusts by the peck
To keep the threat at bay.

In France the Sanglochon rampage through the pools and yards,
Rooting through the gardens and building up their lard,
The pigs they root, the pigs they loot,
But the French with guns the pigs they shoot.
And they cook, cook, cook,

Cook, Cook, Cook,
The French they cook all day,
Making sausages chops and hams,
To keep the threat at bay.

In Paris monkeys have the say of hoodlums and of punks,
Who sic 'em on their enemies where they will rip out chunks.
The monkeys rip, the monkeys tear,
They rip off noses and tear off hair
As they bite, bite, bite,

bite, bite, bite,
The monkeys rip and maim
The French punks toss 'em at ya
To keep the threat at bay.

So when you go through ol' Virginny, on the road called Ninety Five.
And the fruit comes flying at ya as behind the wheel you drive,
Be grateful that the monkeys,
That you see up in the trees,
Only throw throw, throw

Throw Throw, Throw
They throw the fruit away
Apples and bananas go,
To keep the treat at bay.

12 Oct 00 - 06:39 PM (#317574)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

I love it, Naemanson! I just love it! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for these unforgettable lines:

In France the Sanglochon rampage through the pools and yards,
Rooting through the gardens and building up their lard,
The pigs they root, the pigs they loot,
But the French with guns the pigs they shoot.
And they cook, cook, cook,

Cook, Cook, Cook,
The French they cook all day,
Making sausages chops and hams,
To keep the threat at bay.

You've inspired me, my darlin' Naemanson -- Now, can somebody send me an MP3 of a song that has the lines:

Give me some men,
Who are stout hearted men...

I've got an idea for a parody, but I can't remember all of the tune . . . bemused, beguiled and befuddled that I am at the moment ;-)

-- Áine

12 Oct 00 - 06:41 PM (#317579)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

Bardford & Brady

ABSOLUTIVLY FANTASMAGORIC !!!!!!!!!!

DB.

12 Oct 00 - 07:44 PM (#317630)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

What I said above goes for you to Neamanson.

PORCINE BLUES
I got them porcine blues baby
Givin me blisters on my feet
I got them porcine blues baby
Givin me blisters on my feet
I'm bein chased all round France
By the other white meat.

This little piggy went to market
This little piggy went to Var
This little piggy went to market
This little piggy went to Var
If this little piggy catches me
Gonna leave one helluva scar.

I'm goin back to Paris
I'm gonna call up the cops
I'm goin back to Paris
I'm gonna call up the cops
Gonna turn that wild piggy
Into BBQ sanglochops.

Next time I take vacation
Ain't goin back to France
Next time I take vacation
Ain't goin back to France
Cause I'm gettin mighty tired
From doin this sanglochon line dance.>br>

DB.

12 Oct 00 - 08:12 PM (#317663)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Naemanson

SANGLOCHOPS! ROFLMAO!

12 Oct 00 - 08:21 PM (#317668)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, AND kiss!!! You've done it, Dharmabum -- You now qualify for The Whole Bag O' Chips Special Award!!!! Whoo-whoo, ring dat bell, yee-haw and yippee!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah, here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

I got them porcine blues baby
Givin me blisters on my feet
I got them porcine blues baby
Givin me blisters on my feet
I'm bein chased all round France
By the other white meat.

Cudos and Congrats, my darlin'!

-- Áine

12 Oct 00 - 09:01 PM (#317691)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

13 Oct 00 - 02:04 AM (#317893)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: GUEST,Audi

It's all that came to my mind. ;)

Hello Muddah, hello Faddah
I write to you from across the water,
China's very entertaining
But you should see the bugs that it's been raining.

They've got locusts by the tons,
They've called in poultry as their big guns.
Things are really fowl in Xinjiang,
For there are ducks and chickens out the ying-yang.

Every locust becomes a plop,
And this plopping, it never stops.
The smell is really quite obscene,
And now the Yellow River it flows green.

Take me home, Oh Muddah, Faddah,
Come get me, I hate rice water,
I'm stuck here, out in the muck,
Where I might get eaten by a duck.

Hello Granny, hello Gramps,
I write to you from south-east France,
Where I'm in L'hospital,
For I was rudely mangled by a sow.

I was swimming in the hostel pool,
A heard of pigs came, I saw their drool,
They were hungry and very whiney,
When I ran away one gored me in the hiney.

I'll be here a day or two,
They want to see if I got swine flu.
I'd just come from gay Paree,
Where I was robbed and mugged by a monkey.

Take me home, Oh Granny, Gramps,
Come get me, I do hate France,
With apes here, there's no fighting chance,
And there's a hog who wears my underpants.

Dear Uncle Henry, and Aunt Verbenia,
I write to you from Jarratt, Virginia,
I'll be home a week from Monday,
But first I must recover my Hyundai.

I'd just come out of the Karaoke bar,
When an ugly monkey stole my car.
He pelted me with apples too,
When I went outside to try and find the loo.

Take me home, Henry and Verbenia,
Come get me, I hate Virginia,
I might not get home alive,
Cuz, I've got to drive I-95.

13 Oct 00 - 07:30 AM (#317955)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

Well done, Audi!! A fantastic and very funny first ever entry! This is great to see so many new Challenge!rs joining the fun. Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Take me home, Oh Granny, Gramps,
Come get me, I do hate France,
With apes here, there's no fighting chance,
And there's a hog who wears my underpants.

We'll consider this entry your first step toward the (infamous) Whole Bag O' Chips Special Award, OK?

-- Áine

13 Oct 00 - 08:07 AM (#317968)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

Welcome Audi to the Mudcat
Glad you found out where we are at
Ain't this fun ? these parodies
And therapudic for folks like me with brain disease.

DB.

13 Oct 00 - 09:01 AM (#317988)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: MMario

This is a great challenge! I haven't laughed so hard since 'spaw introduced us to cletus, reg, reg, and reg!

13 Oct 00 - 09:45 AM (#318010)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: GUEST,Audi

Thanks for the warm welcomes, y'all. This is an incredible site.

13 Oct 00 - 11:34 AM (#318072)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Metchosin

Whooah! I hadn't been following this one and look at what I might have missed. Great stuff!

Aine, I Hope what I sent you will end your confusion, but then again it might not. Its from a compilation called Songs in the Key of Z and seemed approprite to this site.

13 Oct 00 - 11:36 AM (#318073)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Metchosin

Whooah! I hadn't been following this one and look at what I might have missed. Great stuff!

Aine, I Hope what I sent you will end your confusion, but then again it might not. Its from a compilation called Songs in the Key of Z and seemed appropriate to this site.

13 Oct 00 - 11:38 AM (#318075)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Metchosin

oops! guess that just goes to show your can't edit during a slow transmission.

13 Oct 00 - 12:07 PM (#318094)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: GUEST,Bardford

Thanks to all for your kind words. It's support like this that enables me to justify using company time for this important humantitarian work. Mousethief,
You said:

Nicely done, Bard! Pity about your counting though. :-)

Thanks! My mother will be saddened, though, to hear that I've become a no 'count songwriter.

Bradypus,Scotsbard,Dharmabum,Naemanson,Audi- muy beaucoup kudos aplenty. You inspire me.
Scotsbard, you said:
this borders on the sanglarigious!

I know! I am afraid. I think the AntiEric might have taken possesion of my soul.I hope I don't fry on the hot slabs of whatever hell is allocated to bad parodists and Mona-Lisa-Moustache-Painters.
Bardford

13 Oct 00 - 02:18 PM (#318183)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

Well, gloriosky!!! Metchosin has sent me the 'primal scream' version of 'Stout Hearted Men', and it would sure seem a waste of a great song NOT to entirely waste it on a parody (ha), SO, I'll be working on one tonight.

Thanks so much Metchosin!! I can't stop laughing - Go Shooby, Go! ;-)

And Bardford -- I'm so glad all the other Challenge!rs are inspiring you -- but, don't forget who you really need to suck up to, now! ;-) Dharmabum didn't get two kisses on each cheek for nuffin', ya know...hehehe

-- Áine

13 Oct 00 - 03:26 PM (#318243)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Naemanson

A multi-snog for you dear Aine!

13 Oct 00 - 03:40 PM (#318255)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Dharmabum

And my cheeks are still red (all 4 of em) he he he.

DB.

13 Oct 00 - 03:42 PM (#318257)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Metchosin

Áine,old Shooby sure imparts the true meaning of "scat" singing doesn't he?

13 Oct 00 - 03:47 PM (#318261)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: GUEST,Bardford

To Áine,Whose forgiveness I seeks
The dispenser of B.L.O.B's
And kisser of cheeks
O! I am such a knob!

Thou'rt the muse
O' this thread I peruse!
I beg your excuseness
For my obtuseness.
For tis' your encouragement, enthusiasm and kind reward
That motivates the poetical soul of this Bardford
:-}

13 Oct 00 - 04:05 PM (#318271)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

Ah, that's much better, Bardford -- brown-nosing in rhyme always warms the cockles of this Upreme Udge's ole heart! ;-)

And oooohhhh - I've been multi-snogged!! What else can I look forward to in life now, eh? Just let me wipe my eyes a bit so I can see the screen again . . .

And Metchosin - You're right about ole Shooby putting the 'scat' in 'scat' (double entendre definitely intended)!! I promised Dear Hubby a 'big surprise' when he gets home from work this evening . . . little does he know what he's in for when I click on ole Shooby's MP3! Now if that doesn't put him in the mood, I don't know what will! ;-)

I'll get my entry in ASARP (can someone tell me what's a good rhyme with 'merde'?) and we'll get on to the next one.

This has really been a top-o-the-line Challenge! you guys. And I've got a great Halloween theme for the next one. So, everyone warm your Saint-Saens CDs and get in the mood . . .

-- Áine (The Multi-Snogged Mistress of the Challenge!)

13 Oct 00 - 04:43 PM (#318303)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Bradypus

I was drinking vino verde
Now the glass is empty - merde!
And someone overheard
How the honour was conferred
But I will not be deterred
O - the bottle's empty. Merde!

hope that helps.

Bradypus

13 Oct 00 - 05:03 PM (#318316)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

ROTFLMAO!!!

Mercee bosey coupe der, mon cher!

-- Áine

14 Oct 00 - 06:41 AM (#318638)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Bradypus

Merde!
I erred
Line breaks are preferred

Bradypus

17 Oct 00 - 07:51 PM (#321334)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Áine

I betcha y'all thought I gone and forgotten ya, didn't ya? Well, through the mists of migraine (insert appropriate sympathetic sounds here...) I have dispensed the Golden Cow Chips. However, the screen is beginning to change color and shape on me now, so I'll be uploading your wunnerful, wunnerful songs on the morrow.

So, once again, my darlin' Challenge!rs, Cudos, Congrats and Muchas Gracias for the all the fun and frolic!! The Great Booga Booga Halloween Challenge! will be posted tomorrow morning (the good Lord willin' and my blood pressure don't rise). Read 'em and laugh, Challenge!rs:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):
The Monkey Mafia by Dharmabum
Sanglochon Saucisson by Bradypus
Spleen Things On His Pants by Bardford

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):
Dr. Doolittle's Answering Machine Message by mousethief
Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah by Audi
Kung Foo Quack by Bradypus

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):
I'll Ne'er Leave Home by Bardford
To Keep The Threat At Bay by Naemanson
Well I'll Be A Son Of A Pitch by Micca

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield (Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield is given to the best blues rendition of any challenge topic):
The Food Chain Gang by Scotsbard
Porcine Blues by Dharmabum

Winners of the Imperial Order of the All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts (The Imperial Order of the All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts Award is given to the Challenge!rs who use ten or more Challenge! topics in one song):
Oh, Oh, Woe Is Me by Dharmabum

05 Sep 01 - 07:10 AM (#542304)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 42
From: Aidan Crossey

Reading through the various components of the challenge, it struck me that we humans'd better watch out ... and the following ditty emerged.

To the tune of "The Rising Of The Moon"

REVENGE AND VICTORY

"Oh then tell me Tiggywinkle
Tell me why you hurry so"
"Hush and listen, Brock the badger
I've some news that you must know
There's been called a gathering
Of all beasts upon the earth
At the rising of the moon tonight
War will be declared"

War will be declared
War will be declared
At the rising of the moon tonight
War will be declared"

"Oh then tell me Tiggywinkle
On whom shall we wage war?"
"On the humans who've suppressed us
But now their time is o'er
For tonight we launch our battle
Via land and air and sea
And we shall not rest until we've gained
Revenge and victory"

Revenge and victory
Revenge and victory
We shall not rest until we've gained
Revenge and victory

"Oh then tell me Tiggywinkle
Is our cause both true and just?"
"No juster and no truer cause
As animals we must
Make a stand against the tyrant
Who has bound us up in chains
"To hell, domestication!
No more shall we be tamed!"

No more shall we be tamed!
No more shall we be tamed!
To hell, domestication!
No more shall we be tamed!

From many a sett and den and holt
Throughout that fateful night
Noses twitched and talons itched
And little eyes burnt bright
Beaks and teeth and sharpened claws
The signal will come soon
And a hundred million beasts will strike
At the rising of the moon

At the rising of the moon
At the rising of the moon
And a hundred million beasts will strike
At the rising of the moon