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Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus (parodies)

25 Oct 00 - 07:22 PM (#327350)
Subject: Lyr Req (Parody): What a Friend We Have in Jesus
From: Haruo

In the Aged Cheese thread Skipjack K8 mentioned "What a friend we have in cheeses" as a song they sometimes sing in church. Which reminded me I have a churchgoing atheist friend (actually, he would probably prefer to be labeled a "freethinker") who is fond of singing
What a friend we have in Jesus!
Christ Almighty, what a pal!
And I keep meaning to ask here if anybody has any more lyrics to this particular parody, or any other parodies of the hymn "What a friend we have in Jesus" (the DT already has things called "What a friend we has in Rhoda", "What a friend we have in Willy", and "What a friend we have in [J Edgar] Hoover", as well as independent texts to the same tune titled Ballad of Compensation and Chinese Maiden's Lament. Any more out there (including the rest of my atheist buddy's lines)?

Liland


25 Oct 00 - 08:49 PM (#327420)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus
From: John Hardly

What a friend we have in Jesus,
He is faithful, good and true,
And if He would pay my mortgage,
Maybe I'd be faithful too.

John Hardly


25 Oct 00 - 08:57 PM (#327428)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus
From: Mary in Kentucky

thread creep alert:

Amazing Grace, Wow What a Woman!


25 Oct 00 - 09:26 PM (#327448)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus
From: Haruo

Mary --

Can't quite seem to get "Wow What a Woman" to snuggle down into the scansion ("woman" doesn't fit where "sound" does; gal might, or babe...) I take it there's a thread out there on the subject?

Liland


25 Oct 00 - 10:52 PM (#327488)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus
From: wysiwyg

PM Amos, I think he has one for you on this.

~S~


25 Oct 00 - 11:02 PM (#327500)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus
From: dick greenhaus

While we're more or less on the topic (a rare happening!), does anyone remember "What a Friend We Have in Congress" as sung by the late Everett Dirkson?


25 Oct 00 - 11:05 PM (#327503)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus
From: Bill D

"they'll be paid for by and by" is the last line..hazy on the middle


26 Oct 00 - 01:26 PM (#327872)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus
From: Amos

Here's a fragment from "Go with God", or qwhatever it shouild be called, to which I do not remember all the words:

I went out to a football game, 'twas very strange to tell,
'Twas PEter and his Holy Crew against the gang from hell
...(line forgotten here)
ANd as they reached the end zone, the crowd began to roar:

Cho: Oh, go with God, go with God!
Jesus on the twelve-yard line, Peter's doin' mighty fine
Oh, go with God, go with God!
Jesus sock 'em, knock 'em rock 'em GO! GO! GO!

ANother sacrilege, which I recall from my seamy youth, went something like this in a slow bluesy rhythm:

Virgin Mary on a pile o' sticks
She said look out, boys, need a bad fix
Said look out, need a bad fix,
Can't find a needle use a Cruuuucifix!
We're gonna rock,
Around the Cross.
We're gonna rock,
Around the Cross
We gonna pass around the Communion wine,
Rock 'round the cross an' have a real fine time
We gonna rock...we gonna rock....

I leave the rest of the verses up to your obviosuloy fertile imaginations.

Regards,

A


26 Oct 00 - 03:08 PM (#327947)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus
From: GUEST,z!

Sometime ago, I heard "What a friend we have in Cheese-Its", with a reference to a "snackremental rite". Anyone have the lyrics?

z!


26 Oct 00 - 07:27 PM (#328118)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus
From: rabbitrunning

Well, a friend of mine back when I was seriously into Doctor Who wrote:

What a fiend we have in Davros,
Worst mad scientist we've met
Fragile, but you can not kill him
At least, no one's managed yet.
As a fiend he has no equals
Kills the whole darn universe!
But he's wonderful for sequels,
Daleks only would be worse.


13 May 10 - 11:10 PM (#2906509)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus (parod
From: GUEST

What a friend we have in Jesus
Christ Almighty what a pal!
He'd do anything to please us,
Change the water into al-
cohol.


14 May 10 - 12:17 AM (#2906537)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus (parod
From: Rowan

One of my favourite WWI songs, done beautifully in the film "Oh what a lovely war".

When this lousy war is over
Oh how happy I will be
I will put my civvy clothes on
No more soldiering for me
No more church parades on Sunday
No more putting in for leave
I will kiss my sergeant major
How he'll miss me; how I'll grieve.

alternatively, or as a second verse

When this lousy war is over
Oh how happy I will be
I will put my civvy clothes on
No more soldiering for me
No more church parades on Sunday
No more asking for la pass
I will tell my sergeant major
To shove his pass right up his arse.

Cheers, Rowan


14 May 10 - 03:02 AM (#2906571)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus (parodies)
From: scowie

Following Haruo's initial comments, what about,

What a friend we have in Jesus,
Christ Almighty what a pal,
And his sparky mother Mary,
Holy Moses what a gal!
As regards the missing father,
I'm sure that somewhere he's about,
But unless he comes and sees us,
He must always be in doubt!

I'll get my coat!

Cheers, Scowie.


14 May 10 - 08:42 AM (#2906711)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus (parodies)
From: Cuilionn

In "angel row" of my childhood church, where a gaggle of us sat as teenagers, scribbling naughty things on each other's bulletins, we used to insert the term "Cheez-whiz" whenever ol' Jesus showed up in the hymns. Our local parody started thusly:

"What a friend we have in Cheez-whiz,
all our crackers to adorn;
Oh, what taste we often forfit,
putting Cheez-whiz on our corn..."

Many years later, while crafting a mummer's play for a seminary chapel service that happened to fall on April Fool's Day, we used two or three hymns from the collection of hymn parodies written by some Unitarian wag..."What a Friend We Have in Cheeses" was one of them. The same guy (whose name I've forgotten) did a great version of "Holy, Holy, Holy" re-worked as "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee..."

--Cuilionn, who dearly loves reverent irreverence!


14 May 10 - 10:44 AM (#2906798)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus (parodies)
From: Midchuck

Don't forget Dump the Bosses off Your Back.

Peter


26 Oct 20 - 09:36 AM (#4076901)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus (parodies)
From: Haruo

Ten years later, scowie nailed it. Thanks! And ten years later still, it was brought to my attention! Thanks, Caroline and scowie!


26 Oct 20 - 10:38 AM (#4076907)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus (parodies)
From: John MacKenzie

About 70 years ago, we used to sing


Holy Moses I am dying,
Just one wish before I go
If you see a German soldier,
Stick a bayonet up his hole.

Remember that this was in the period soon after the end of WWII, and there was still a lot of anti-German sentiment about.


26 Oct 20 - 04:02 PM (#4076936)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus (parodies)
From: Ross Campbell

I always wanted another song to this tune. Ron Baxter eventually came up with these words. I thanked him profusely and promptly lost track of the lyric-sheet. Fortunately they turned up again and I have been singing this since. Copied from the Merchant Navy Permathread.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BANK LINE SONG (Andrew Weirs)
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 11 May 11 - 10:11 AM

THE BANK LINE SONG (ANDREW WEIRS)
(Ron Baxter) Tune:- What a Friend We have in Jesus

When this endless voyage is over no more tramp ships will I see
I will swear upon the Bible, Bank Line have seen the last of me.
No more trips around to Auckland, from Auckland round to Baltimore
Then round the world to San Francisco, Fiji, Guam and Singapore.

The clerk, down in the "Pool" office said "There's a berth with Andrew Weirs;
A nice wee run out there to Kiwi". He didn't say 'twould last two years.
Two years since we left the Humber, two years since I saw my wife;
My brother wrote "Some bloke keeps calling: rumours 'bout the two are rife".

Two years stuck down in the stoke-hold, shov'lling the dross the Chief has bought
Half the coal brass he will pocket; I hope one day that he gets caught.
Likewise the thieving old Chief Steward, though 4 and 3's our feeding rate
He feeds us rice and old dead donkeys, so his profit he can take.

Half the crew have gone "doo-lally"; the sparks was like that when we sailed;
Two stewards reckon they are married, the cook thinks he's the Prince of Wales.
But now we've got the "channel fever" we've got it hot and that's because
Tomorrow we pay off in the Mersey, so stick the Bank Line up your arse!

When this endless voyage is over no more tramp ships will I see
I will swear upon the Bible, Bank Line have seen the last of me.
No more trips around to Auckland, from Auckland round to Baltimore
Then round the world to San Francisco, Fiji, Guam and Singapore.
For now we've got the 'channel fever' we've got it hot and that's because
Tomorrow we pay off in the Mersey, so stick the Bank Line up your arse!

Andrew Weirs Bank Line were tramp ships, and notorious for long trips, two years was not uncommon. The "pool" was the Shipping Office where seamen went to "get a ship". They only had three chances; if they refused all three ships offered they were suspended. As in many companies the Chief Engineer was given a "coal allowance" to buy best steam coal, so if he could get cheap coal he'd pocket the difference . The "4 and 3" [four shillings and threepence] refers to the daily "rate" per man that the Chief Steward was allowed for feeding purposes. (RB)


26 Oct 20 - 06:02 PM (#4076956)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: What a Friend We Have in Jesus (parodies)
From: Steve Gardham

Great song, Ross!

Slight variant on some of the 'bloody war' versions. Sorry don't know where I got it. 60s at least.

When this bloody war is over no more soldiering for me,
When I get me civvy clothes on oh how happy I will be
No more church parade on Sunday, no more asking for a pass
You can tell the Sergeant Major to stick his pass right up his-
Holy Moses I am dying, just one kiss before I go....(I think it just tailed off there)