Song Challenge! Part 45

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Song Challenge! Part 45

11 Nov 00 - 06:01 PM (#338813)
Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Áine

Hey Challenge!rs!! I've been off-lined by AT&T again for a week or so, and boy are my fingers itching to get back to the Song Challenge! Dear Hubby and I are in the process of switching to a DSL, so hopefully I won't keep disappearing ...

This Challenge! idea comes from our wonderful MMario. For some strange reason, this story kinda reminds me of the (seemingly neverending) presidential election. ;-) So, buys your ticket and takes your chances, Challenge!rs . . . We're going--

Freaky Frog Gigging . . . [Arkansas Democrat Gazette] -- Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County Deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday.

Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog-gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out.

As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. After inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded toward the White River bridge. After traveling about 20 miles and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement and striking a tree.

Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off or we might both be dead" stated Wallis.

"I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Deputy Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife, asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck. (Way to go, Lavinia).

Go For It, Challenge!rs!!

11 Nov 00 - 06:34 PM (#338826)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Uncle_DaveO

Not possible to make a song out of that. There's got to be A MODICUM of believability! ;)

Dave Oestereich

11 Nov 00 - 07:23 PM (#338841)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: MichaelAnthony

Croakin Des Arc Revenge Song

Foggy Sunday ritual
Froggin get habitual
Giggin a religion
To the Arkansas night

Driving down the gravel road
Nightime sticky tongue of toad
Lapping at the fusebox
A truck without headlights

Thinkin two friends just as one
Takin bullet from the gun
Fittin where the fuse goes
An homeward bound again

Living soul amphibian
Nearin to their home again
Sensin that White River bridge
Prayin lights go out again

Twelve dead frogs can be a threat
Heatin up a bullet head
Makin arc for sack attack
An homeward bound again

11 Nov 00 - 08:31 PM (#338884)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: MMario

see Dave? The impossible only takes a little while at the MudCat...

11 Nov 00 - 10:31 PM (#338968)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Amos

The Gigger's Lament

Tune: "I Got No Use Fer Wimmin"

(Click To Play) I got no use for them froggies
For gigging out under the moon
'Cuz buddy, I've learned me my lesson
And I learned it none too soon;
'Cuz gigging them frogs make you crazy
And gigging them frogs makes you dumb,
Jest listen to the tale that I tell you,
An' you'll unnerstan' how come.

Mah frien' was an honest frog-gigger.
He was upright, an' honest and square
But he ended up guardin' a harem,
An' t'was giggin, put him there.
If he'd just stayed at home with his Missus
He might have been raisin' a son!
Instead, he was turned to a yewnick
With a shot from his own frog gun.

His old Chevy pickup was trusty,
Though its springs were as broken as hell;
When a blown fuse took out both his headlights,
He jes' stuck in a twenty-two shell.
Down back country roads, then at midnight,
We bounced along our way,
But impedance overheated that cartridge,
And it blew his nuts away.

Ah know that it wasn't too clever;
Ah know it was dumber than squat!
But my friend, when your balls are blown open,
It's too late to think of that!
We got him rushed over t' the Clinic
But the local press published his name
And the pore boy had to flee to Poonjabi,
To escape a life of shame.

So now he stands guarding a harem,
While someone else gets all the fun,
And he can't see a frog without weeping,
An' he's scared to touch a gun.
So Ah'll say good by to the bayou,
And the midnight call of the loon,
An' never more will I go giggin'
By the light of that bayou moon.

12 Nov 00 - 09:47 AM (#339134)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Uncle_DaveO

Amos, I stand speechless, my head bowed in silent wonderment. Wonnnnn-derful!

Dave Oesterreich

12 Nov 00 - 11:58 AM (#339208)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Amos

Awwwwwwwwwwww..... thank you for the kind words.

12 Nov 00 - 12:39 PM (#339226)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Áine

What great art can come from such impossibly improbable circumstances!! Well done, MichaelAnthony and Amos! Here are your Silver B.L.O.B.s:

To MichaelAnthony for:

Twelve dead frogs can be a threat
Heatin up a bullet head
Makin arc for sack attack
An homeward bound again

To Amos for:

-- Áine

12 Nov 00 - 01:14 PM (#339241)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Dharmabum

GREAT BALLS OF SORROW
(sung to The Great Compromise by John Prine)

Me & Billy Ray Willis
Are a coupla Arkansas boys
We like to go huntin an' fishin
Drink beer an' play with our toys
Now Sunday's the night we go froggin
I kissed Lavinia an' she said "good luck"
I loaded the beer in my cooler
Me an' Billy drove off in my truck
We got us a favorite spot there
A place that they call Cotton Patch
An' we drank up all our Old Milwaukee
An' caught all the frogs we could catch.

(chorus)
I went froggin with Billy Ray Willis
We was drivin home last Sunday night
But much to my surprise
When I opened my eyes
I was missin a nut on the right.

We started back up the road there
Headin north on hiway 38
My old truck was a rattlin & squeekin
It was foggy & gettin real late
We was gettin up near the White River
With 2 buckets of frogs in the back
Then with a pop & a sizzle
Out in front of my truck turned all black.
(ch)
Now I knew the second it happened
I knew cause it happened before
An' I knew that I'd used up my last fuse
Ain't got round to buyin no more
Then Billy says "how bout a bullet"
"Got one here in my ol'22"
"Kinda short & it's too big around"
"But I guess It'll just hafta do"
(ch)
So we headed back out on that hiway
It was 3,cause I looked at my watch
With my headlights burnin so brightly
An' that fuse aimed right at my crotch
We drove on about 20 miles
An' that bullet musta got pretty hot
For a tree is where my truck headed
In the balls is where I'd been shot
(ch)
When I woke up there at the doctors
An' I felt that pain in my groin
As I slowly lifted that blanket
It looked like ground up sirloin
Now my Momma & Daddy was cuzzins
An' us young unz was not all that smart
But I guess I shoulda knowed better
Than to blow my balls all apart.
(ch) Then they called up my dear wife Lavinia
They said "darlin we got some bad news"
"Ol' Thurston's been shot in the gonads"
"In soprano he's singin the blues"
An' then with concern quite becoming
In her tone was a worry & fright
With her husband laid out on that table
She asked if the frogs were alright.
(ch)
I know I shoulda been smarter
But I guess it coulda been worse
Instead of goin to the doctor
I coulda come home in a herse
I coulda lost the whole package
As it is I lost only one
Doc said that I was quite lucky
I didn't use a shell from a shotgun.
(chorus) I went froggin with Billy Ray Willis
We was drivin home last Sunday night
But much to my surprise
When I opened my eyes
I was missin a nut on the right.

DB.

12 Nov 00 - 03:09 PM (#339281)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Áine

Oh my darlin' Dharmabum, come pick me up off of the floor!! ;-) Wunnerful, wunnerful, wunnerful! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

I went froggin with Billy Ray Willis
We was drivin home last Sunday night
But much to my surprise
When I opened my eyes
I was missin a nut on the right.

-- Áine

12 Nov 00 - 03:19 PM (#339285)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Dharmabum

Thanks Aine. Sorry,I screwed up a couple of the line breaks.

DB.

12 Nov 00 - 08:21 PM (#339416)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: MMario

*standing ovation* *x3*

12 Nov 00 - 11:01 PM (#339478)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: John Hardly

...sometimes fiction is stranger than truth...

DON' BE MESSIN' WID FROGZ!

BUD
WISE
ER

BUD
WISE
ER

BUD
WISE
___

Where'd he GO!__________BUD
Oh, I know!_____________WISE (continue as chant)
It just figgers,
It's those giggers!

Catch that truck!
Two tongues stuck
Two-frog-terror
in the rear-view mirror.

Now inside,
frogs will hide.
Find a way
To make 'em pay.

Revenge is nigh
rednecks die!!!!!
The plan they use?
Pull that fuse!

Can't drive on
Headlights gone
Put the fix
On two drunk hicks

Plant the thought.
How Poole ought
The fuse replace
with a bullet case.

Left shoulder--BUD
Right shoulder--WISE
Whisper to Poole
"Do it you fool"

Poole looks down
Space left round
Bullet fits fine
"matter of time"--(WISE)

Bullet BANG!!!
Scrote hang
Teste puncture
No more functure.

It's a rule
Frog's no fool
If you cross 'em

You had better run like hell!

John neveronetocolorinthelines Hardly

13 Nov 00 - 12:36 AM (#339534)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Amos

Dang -- A triple header -- Budweiser Song Challenge Haiku!

13 Nov 00 - 08:24 AM (#339641)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: MMario

*jaw hanging slack in wonderment*

14 Nov 00 - 08:30 AM (#340375)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Dharmabum

(refresh) Lets keep this one hopping.

DB.

14 Nov 00 - 08:38 AM (#340377)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Áine

That's a great one, John Hardly! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Catch that truck!
Two tongues stuck
Two-frog-terror
in the rear-view mirror.

-- Áine

14 Nov 00 - 02:51 PM (#340645)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: GUEST,Bardford

Goodness gracious! I'm peein' swamp water from laughing so hard. Can someone explain "gigging" for me please? I have a picture in my head of a couple of guys in overalls sittin' on a log, pickin' and playin' along with a frog jug band. Hey, it could happen. Many's the time I've been carted home in the back of a truck after a gig.

"no more functure". Ogden Nash is a Mudcatter!
Thanks,
Bardford,from a land where all the froggies are asleep in the frozen mud

14 Nov 00 - 02:58 PM (#340650)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: MMario

when we used to gig for frogs we either used what looked like a small trident -technically I think the place we bought it called it a fish spear; or sticks. actually we preferred the sticks, but couldn't use them when with our grandfather. (he said it was too violent. sticking them with a spear wasn't violent?)

14 Nov 00 - 03:36 PM (#340667)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Tinker

Guys, I'm laughing out loud on this one. You've all done great.

Tinker

14 Nov 00 - 06:33 PM (#340765)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Bradypus

Brilliant, John Hardly!

Of course, we only have their word for what happened ...

Frog Went a Hunting

Frog went a hunting late one night
Uh-hmm, Uh-hmm
Frog went a hunting late one night
The weather was cold, and the moon was bright
Uh-hmm, Uh-hmm

Soon two giggers came in view
With two six packs and a point two two

Frog sneaks up behind the pair
And lifts the gun as it's lying there

Frog in the rushes with the gun
About to have himself some fun

Cradle the gun and then take aim
Aim not to kill, but just to maim

A single shot rings in the night
Gave those giggers a helluva fright

A direct hit right where it hurts
A scream of pain and the red blood spurts

Those two giggers head back to town
How will they ever live this down ?

Here's the tale they plan to use
We used a .22 bullet as a headlight fuse

People will think we've been on the grog
But we can't just say we were shot by a frog

Don't go frog gigging unless you're charmed
'Cos that frog's still there, and that frog's still armed!

14 Nov 00 - 11:40 PM (#340883)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: MMario

*mad, wild applause* Amphibian revenge, I love it!

15 Nov 00 - 08:19 AM (#341014)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Áine

Dear Bradypus - what a great twist of the tadpole's tale!! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

People will think we've been on the grog
But we can't just say we were shot by a frog

Brilliant!

-- Áine

15 Nov 00 - 07:28 PM (#341421)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Rollo

What a story... oh my god! just the right thing for a little limerick...

There once was a men from li'l rock who came off the road in a shock for in his vehicel he lost a testicle no good to use guns on a frog...

16 Nov 00 - 01:37 PM (#341791)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: GUEST,Bardford

Hey, Challengers-have I toad you lately that I love you?Here goes another evisceration of a classic:

Gigging in the Wind

How many frogs must Thurston shoot down
Before they call him a man
Yes'n how many frogs must Billy Ray strike down
Before they are fried in a pan
How many trips to the swamp will it take
And how many Budweiser cans
The amphibians are going to be skinned
The amphibians are going to be skinned

How many years may a headlight exist
Before its fuse ceases to be
How many beercaps must two people twist
Before they decide to agree
That twenty-two shells are great when you're pissed
And need a fuse in an emergency
The result, Billy Ray, will likely make you grin
Thurston's balls are no longer where they've been

How much blood loss can Thurston sustain
Before it involves his water supply
How many frogs does Lavinia need
To make her frog leg stir-fry
How many months will it take for a man
To look his wife in the eye
And say, Lavinia, we got skunked again
Me and Billy Ray, the frogs beat us again.

Cheers,
Bardford

oh,here's some recipes:

http://food4.epicurious.com/HyperNews/get/archive_swap27401-27500/27403/1/1.html

16 Nov 00 - 02:24 PM (#341840)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Áine

Ah, Bardford -- What a tasty little treat that was! ;-) It really puts some meaning to the phrase 'home fries'...doh! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

How many years may a headlight exist
Before its fuse ceases to be
How many beercaps must two people twist
Before they decide to agree
That twenty-two shells are great when you're pissed
And need a fuse in an emergency
The result, Billy Ray, will likely make you grin
Thurston's balls are no longer where they've been

Thanks for that finger-licking good song, Áine

18 Nov 00 - 06:30 PM (#343166)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Bradypus

Refresh - Bardford, I enjoyed that one!

Bradypus

22 Nov 00 - 09:02 PM (#345461)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: John Hardly

Reading the new submissions was worth getting my computer repaired! Bradypus and Bardford, Great writin'. Them frogzer smart'n they look!

John Hardly

11 Dec 00 - 09:00 PM (#355344)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Áine

Betcha thought I'd gone and disappeared on you, huh? Naw, nothin' like that -- See, I got this great job down in Florida sweepin' up chads . . .

Better late than never, here are your well-earned and long-anticipated awards. The Challenge! is back - long live the Challenge!

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock:
Croakin Des Arc Revenge Song by MichaelAnthony
Don't Be Messin' Wid Frogz! by John Hardly
Gigging In The Wind by Bardford

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:
Frog Went A Hunting by Bradypus
The Gigger's Lament by Amos

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest:
Great Balls Of Sorrow by Dharmabum

-- Áine

11 Dec 00 - 11:56 PM (#355415)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: GUEST,Bardford at home

Welcome back, Áine. I gotta tell you, the last few challenge-less weeks have been empty and dreary ones without you. And thanks for the award. And congratulations to the worthy songsters who definately hit number one with a bullet. Say, d'ya think Thurston could use a sham rock?
Peace,
Bardford

12 Dec 00 - 04:42 PM (#355953)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: McGrath of Harlow

NUTTING GIRL

It's of a poor young fellow,
he lived in Little Rock
Went out one night to hunt for frogs,
and he had a nasty shock.
For as he was driving homeward,
along that country trail
he noticed in the darkness
his light begin to fail

CHO: With my fal-lal to my ral-tal-lal
Whack-fol-the-dear-ol-day
And what few nuts that poor man had
he shot them clean away.

His buddy says to Billy,
this is a dar old night,
if we can't mend this headlight
we'll not get home tonight.
The fuse is fairly blown to hell,
and we've got no spare to hand.
But Billy was not bothered,
he'd got a cunning plan.

CHO: With my fal-lal to my ral-tal-lal
Whack-fol-the-dear-ol-day
And what few nuts that poor man had
he shot them clean away.

He climbed into that pickup,
and he reached beneath the seat,
And he took a rifle in his hand,
and he says, I'll not be beat.
And he took a bullet from the gun,
and he stuck it in the fuse.
And the headlight worked like magic,
on account of Billy's ruse

CHO: With my fal-lal to my ral-tal-lal
Whack-fol-the-dear-ol-day
And what few nuts that poor man had
he shot them all away.

But the pickup truck went jolting,
and that fuse began to heat,
And Billy's bullet blasted,
and it shot him through the seat.
And Billy roared and bellowed,
as wild as wild can be,
And the pickup truck went wild as well,
and it drive into a tree

CHO: With my fal-lal to my ral-tal-lal
Whack-fol-the-dear-ol-day
And what few nuts that poor man had
he shot them clean away.

So now they lie in traction,
and the future's not so bad for Billy's feeling better,
though he's got a dimpled chad.
And there's a happy ending,
at least there's some might say,
For in all that confusion
the frogs got clean away.

CHO: With my fal-lal to my ral-tal-lal
Whack-fol-the-dear-ol-day
And what few nuts that poor man had
he shot them clean away.

12 Dec 00 - 04:44 PM (#355955)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: MMario

*standing ovation*

12 Dec 00 - 05:06 PM (#355963)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Bert

Bravo!!!

12 Dec 00 - 05:08 PM (#355965)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: mousethief

*applause*

13 Dec 00 - 11:20 AM (#356366)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Áine

A Chaoimhin,

Maith thú! Just goes to show that it's never too late for a Challenge! song, and great songs come to those who wait! Well done, indeed -- You are hereby awarded The Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest.

-- Áine

13 Dec 00 - 01:20 PM (#356476)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: John Hardly

MofH,

ABSOLUTE GREATNESS! I bow humbly before your pen...er...keypad.

JH

05 Sep 01 - 08:26 AM (#542327)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 45
From: Aidan Crossey

A parody of Dorsey Dixon's "Wreck On The Highway" (a song I've never much liked – the schadenfreude of the smug brothers does my head in!)

THE WRECK ON HIGHWAY 38

Who did you say it was, brother?
Who was it fell by the way?
When you heard the crash on the highway,
Did you hear anyone pray?

CHORUS
I didn't hear nobody pray, dear brother
I didn't hear nobody pray
A shot, then the truck left the highway
But I didn't hear nobody pray

We thought we was clever in using
The slug from my old twenty-two
To fix up the lights on my pick-up
But it was the worst thing we could do

CHORUS

At Cotton Patch, near the White River
And only some minutes from home
That bullet became overheated
And before we could stop it., she'd blown

CHORUS

Oh Lord, how I wish that that bullet
Had aimed itself right at my head
Instead it blew off both my bollocks
Oh Lord, how I wished I was dead

CHORUS

The face of the bold paramedic
Said all that I needed to know
Where once before I proudly dangled
All's left was a large, gaping hole

CHORUS

He reached me a bottle of whiskey
I attempted to take a large slug
But it leaked from my mouth and it mingled
In the dirt with my cojones' blood

And then I heard somebody pray, dear brother
"Sweet Jesus, why treat me this way!"
Whiskey and blood ran together
At last I heard somebody pray!