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19 Dec 00 - 06:26 PM (#360067) Subject: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: Dave (the ancient mariner) LAWYERS' SEASONAL GREETING From us ("the wishor") to you ("hereinafter called the wishee") Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non- addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all... and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2001, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee. By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that- * This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal. * This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged. * This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes. * This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor. * This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably as may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. * The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor. * Any references in this greeting to "the Lord," "Father Christmas," "Our Saviour," or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.
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19 Dec 00 - 06:36 PM (#360073) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: GUEST Couldn't have said it better myself. |
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19 Dec 00 - 06:56 PM (#360085) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: catspaw49 Geeziz Dave my friend......Put a warning on those things huh? My keyboard may be ruined!!! LMAO Spaw |
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19 Dec 00 - 07:06 PM (#360091) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: Dharmabum Good one Dave! MERRY CHRISTMAS! Ron. |
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19 Dec 00 - 09:36 PM (#360146) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: Gypsy Ah, Dave lad, we must share the same attorney. For meself, have a wonderful, blessed Christmas season! |
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19 Dec 00 - 09:59 PM (#360156) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: Troll Fair winds and following seas shipmate, and may the blessings of the season be with you and yours. troll |
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19 Dec 00 - 11:48 PM (#360196) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: CarolC And to you, Dave (the ancient mariner). Best wishes, Carol |
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20 Dec 00 - 06:16 AM (#360270) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: nutty Best Wishes to you and yours, Dave May Christmas bring you all the joys you wish for Hazel |
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20 Dec 00 - 06:20 AM (#360272) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: Banjer Dave, I'll have my lawyer contact yours. Maybe they can do lunch. Actually, I don't think a lawyer wrote that since I can read and understand most of it! As for meself, I'll just be sending best wishes for the Christmas Season and A Very Happy New Year. |
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20 Dec 00 - 06:41 AM (#360275) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: Naemanson Happy Christmas and merry New Year! Brett |
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20 Dec 00 - 08:42 AM (#360319) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: MMario Merry Christmas Dave, aye! |
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20 Dec 00 - 09:47 AM (#360358) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler My surveyor would like to send your lawyer a card in return. He's not sure whether it will open or not, he can't guarantee that it is made of genuine cardboard and he hasn't checked any wiring, plumbing or drainage, if present. He doesn't know if it has paper mites or fungal infestation. He can't be held responsible for any loss or injury caused by his advice though he thinks it is worth about 50pence but advises you get your own surveyor to look at it. His bill is in the post. RtS |
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20 Dec 00 - 03:54 PM (#360559) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: mousethief "Simply have a wonderful Christmastime." ---Paul McCartney. |
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21 Dec 00 - 11:15 AM (#361080) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: Dave (the ancient mariner) I hope I have a very Quiet Christmas. I'm on duty at the Rescue Centre 0700-1900hrs. Merry Christmas Mates and hope the "admiral" saves me some turkey. Yours, Aye. Dave |
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21 Dec 00 - 11:42 AM (#361102) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: Irish sergeant To all: A joyous holiday season. Dave: fair winds and following seas, Shipmate! |
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21 Dec 00 - 12:56 PM (#361152) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: Kim C heeheehee hohoho :) |
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22 Dec 00 - 11:32 AM (#361743) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: Uncle Jaque Calm seas and Blessings in abundance, all. Dave; May the Angels keep watch with ye, Mate! |
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22 Dec 00 - 04:18 PM (#361883) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: InOBU Keep yer feet dry, Marry Christmas, Larry |
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22 Dec 00 - 04:25 PM (#361886) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: Pixie ....and what did your Doctor have to say???? Very punny, Dave! We wish you calm seas and an uneventful watch! Pixie and Terry |
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22 Dec 00 - 05:05 PM (#361907) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: The Celtic Bard Dave, may you be blessed with a silent night and may the angels keep watch with you. May you be blessed with the love, laughter, and joy of this holy season. May strong winds be ever at your back, may your road be easy to travel, and may you have good friends ever beside you. Merry Christmas everyone! Rebecca <>< |
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22 Dec 00 - 06:05 PM (#361938) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: InOBU a fellow lawyer I shared this with had the following responce... "Nice. It almost has all the ear marks of a legal document except there isn't a "wherefore", "heretofore" or "hereinafter" to be found. I would also add a kicker sentence of "Nothing herein is, or can be construed as, a waiver or release of any of the author's claims, causes of action, rights, or remedies." Wouldn't want to leave that out--must keep all of your options open." Cheers - Larry |
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22 Dec 00 - 06:23 PM (#361953) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: Lanfranc Dave, old cybershipmate, may I wish you all the best for whatever festive season you may wish to enjoy. Do you have as good a line in unexpurgated carols as you have in shanties? If so, please share. Here's to the REAL new Millennium!
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23 Dec 00 - 10:31 AM (#362255) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: InOBU (From my pal Alyn, the ex- director of Lawyers for Nuclear Disarmament...) Dear Wishor
We regret to inform you that your solstice wish to our client violates Section A (S.A.) of the National Transit Authority (N.T.A.) regulations, the preambular Clause of which affirms sole franchise for winter solstice greetings and transport of tacky Christmas gifts to our client. Furthermore, the S.A.N.T.A. Clause provides for mandatory punishment for any violation, that punishment to be the compulsory consumption of steamed pudding outside Harrod's (or Macy's, or Woolworths) in barefeet and a kilt while humming "Rule Britannia," thus demonstrating that there is indeed someone sillier standing outside these same stores than our client. |
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23 Dec 00 - 11:37 AM (#362284) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: Dave (the ancient mariner) Dear Lanfranc... Raditional carols "Rule!" in my house InObu. guess I did'nt do too bad fer a high school droppout..The steamed pudding is a treat, but, Do I have to do this punishment sans sporran? LOL Yours, Aye. Dave |
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23 Dec 00 - 04:51 PM (#362383) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: InOBU You did a great job, Dave, there is another responce soon to be posted from a friend I used to work with, who has a lawyerly witty responce... Larry |
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24 Dec 00 - 11:53 AM (#362748) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: InOBU From ymy pal Chuck I wish to acknowledge the receipt of you genuine and thorough offer. Subsequently, I have forwarded it to our claims department, which employs a stable of thirty-five attorneys specializing in allegeded "holiday season" communications. Of the thirty-five, fourteen have advanced criminal and civil litigation experience in the Civil Holidays Discourse Act of 1984, which in part states: "All communications administered under this Act shall, within the prescribed time alloted, duly respond in an appropriate manner." CHDA, sec. 2, para. 4. I assure you that you shall have an appropriate response with the next five working days (as defined in the Non-sectarian Workweek Determination Act of 1993). Sincerely, C & E, Ltd. |
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26 Dec 00 - 11:18 AM (#363474) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Greetings (from my lawyer) From: InOBU This jsut in Dear Larry, I received this reply from a friend: To Defendants Wishor and Wishee: Be it known that you are in direct viloation of the following Constitutional Ammendment as adopted last night at midnight by the Congress of the United States of America, a.k.a. "Big Brother". Legal proceedings against you will follow forthwith:
WHEREAS: Be it hereby RESOLVED, that the following AMENDMENT to the CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA be hereafter adopted:
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