Song Challenge! Part 48

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Song Challenge! Part 48

03 Jan 01 - 05:21 PM (#368005)
Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Áine

I hope you Challenge!rs have recovered from your New Year's carousings and are ready for our first Challenge! of 2001 -- I thought this would be a good time to use this story; just in case any of you need a good resolution (double entendre definitely intended) ;-) Let's all lift our glasses of bicarb and write a rousing theme song for these two hapless fellas --

Crocked Conventioneers Canvassing for Can Confront Comrades in Confusion

FRANKFURT (Reuters) - Two drunken Germans, apparently looking for a toilet during a conference at Frankfurt airport, got on a plane by mistake and flew to Moscow.

The 20-year-old men were wandering round the airport when they found themselves on the tarmac and boarded a shuttle bus, which drove to an aircraft bound for the Russian capital.

"They got in and sat in the back of the airplane which then flew to Moscow," said Frankfurt State Prosecutor Job Tilmann. "They weren't even at the airport to fly anywhere. They were at a convention and had been walking around, evidently in a drunken stupor," he told Reuters on Wednesday.

On arrival in Moscow, they noticed it was cold and realized they had no passports, let alone entry visas. Russian police put them on a flight back to Frankfurt where they were met by Federal Border Police who have charged them with joy-riding.

Go For It, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

03 Jan 01 - 05:38 PM (#368025)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Kim C

We flew in by accident from Germany
Got a little drunk last night
Wandered on the tarmac looking for the WC
Then we got a big surprise

We're stuck in the USSR
Oh how stupid we are
Stuck in the USSR

We'd been drunk so long we didn't know the place
Must have taken a wrong turn
Had no tickets but they let us on the plane
Isn't this some good cheap fun

We're stuck in the USSR
Oh how stupid we are
Stuck in the US, stuck in the US, stuck in the USSR

03 Jan 01 - 06:55 PM (#368071)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: SINSULL

Two Vacant Chairs

We shall meet but we shall miss them
There will be two vacant chairs
Now two time slots are left open
Who will fill them unprepared?
Just two days ago we gathered
To assess our company's boom
But we lost two middle managers
Who went in search of the men's rest room>

Chorus:
We shall meet but we shall miss them
There will be two vacant chairs
Now two time slots will be open
Who will fill them unprepared?

Fritz and Schultz went out a walking
Stopping only for the bar
"We must find a working bathroom!
Ach De Lieber! Not too far"
For their bladders were overflowing
Kidneys gorged to float a boat
But they found a water closet
On a plane called Aeroflot.

CHORUS

Once on board, they drained their kidneys
Ordered Becks and ale and stout
Ate a coach meal and slept well
Until a steward threw them out
With no papers and no green card
With no Visa or passport
Russian customs turned them over
To a somber Franfurt court

CHORUS

They flew Lufthansa back to Frankfurt
Drank some fine Rhine wine in style
Refused to disembark when home again
'Til they got frequent flier miles
Sent to jail for joyous riding
And flying all around
And the moral of the story?
Try to pee on solid ground.

CHORUS

03 Jan 01 - 11:23 PM (#368205)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Clifton53

Just a quicky as I'm off soon,

Du, du, we're now in Russia
Du, du, we're loaded again
Du, du, Moscow is lovely
But it don't look like the can

Ay yi, Ay yi, but it don't look like the can.

Please excuse my poor German.

Clifton

03 Jan 01 - 11:56 PM (#368224)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: mousethief

Muss I Denn
(tune: Muss I Denn)

Muss i' denn, muss i' denn, zum W.C. gehen,
W.C. gehen, und i' finde ni' das W.C.,
Steig i' ein, steig i' ein, ein Flugzeug hinein,
Flugzeug hinein, und i' fliege zu Russland. Weh!

Als i' wecke auf, i' finde mi'
In Moskau mit der Polizein

Flieg i' heim, flieg i' heim, flieg i' wiederum heim,
wiederum heim, man mi' wirft ins Gefängn's herein.

04 Jan 01 - 07:36 AM (#368307)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Dharmabum

A SLOW BOAT WOULDA BEEN BETTER
(sung to The Letter)
2 drunken Germans on an aeroplane
Had no idea it would bring them fame
A shuttle bus they found
Now they're Moscow bound
A slow boat woulda been better.

Just went out lookin for a place to pee
Woke up hungover in a new country
2 Drunks on the tarmac
How are they gettin back
A slow boat woulda been better.

(chorus)
We went on a bender & we landed in Moscow
Where the wind's blowin cold
Listen mister can't you see we're sober now
And this is gettin kinda old
Anyway

Ain't got no ticket for this aeroplane
Feels like this joyride's gettin real lame
Not a great big fan
Of the motherland
A slow boat woulda been better.

DB.

04 Jan 01 - 08:55 AM (#368338)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Wolfgang

Alex, since you have all rights reserved, this surely includes saying 'no thanks' to my proposed changes. You'll find my version below. Changing 'aufwecken' ('aufwecken' is when you wake up somebody else) into 'aufwachen' and eliminating the typo in 'Polizei' are 'musts', some other small changes make a smoother German (though your version isn't wrong) and most minor changes are but a matter of personal taste (how to transcribe the particular German dialect the song is written in).

Muss i' denn, muss i' denn, zum W.C. geh'n,
W.C. geh'n, und i' find' nit das W.C.,
Steig' i' ein, steig' i' ein, in's Flugzeug 'nein,
Flugzeug 'nein, und i' flieg' nach Russland. Weh!

Als i' wache auf, i' finde mi'
Auf Moskau's Polizei

Flieg i' heim, flieg i' heim, flieg i' wieder wieder heim,
wieder wieder heim, wirft ma' mi' in's G'fängnis 'nein.

Wolfgang (who only once tried to write a song in English)

04 Jan 01 - 09:47 AM (#368368)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Kim C

Okay... so what does it mean? :) No speak Deutsche.

04 Jan 01 - 10:54 AM (#368414)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Clifton53

To the tune of 'The German Clockwinder'
"Two German Drunks"

Two young German drinkers, to Frankfurt once came
They had a few pints and enjoying the same
'Til one of them spoke, and to his pal said
Me bladder is burstin', let's go find the head

Chorus
Singin tummalumma tummalumma toor a' lye ay
Toora-lye toora-lye toora-a-lye ay,
Tummalumma tummalumma toor a lye ay
Toora-lye toora-lye toor-a-lye ay

They walked out together, their heels clicky-clack
They wandered outside right onto the tarmac
And one of them says,"Oh what will we do"?
"Let's jump on this bus, and ride to the loo".

Chorus

The bus dropped them off, at a tunnel you see,
And both of the German's were filled up with glee
"Come along now young Fritz,it is my belief,
At the end of this tunnel, we will find relief"!

Chorus

But something was wrong,there was something amiss
For all of their struggle, they still had to piss
And clenching their jaws,and grabbing to squeeze
Did nothing to help them, uncross their knees

Chorus

It seemed such a long time, as it always does
Since they had stepped off that big 'effin bus
Their heads were now swimming, resolve turned to dust
As the unholy bladders, still threatened to bust

Chorus

Sure 'twas no picnic, that's how bad they felt
Since last in the bathroom, they both had dwelt
When Fritz turned to Hans,and to him he said,
"You bloody big moron, I wish I was dead"!

Chorus

"I feel kinda funny", young Hans says to Fritz,
" I've got to let go, I've just got to spritz"
" Oh hang on 'ya laggard, don't be such a wuss", " I'll soon have you dribblin' right off the bus"

Chorus

A woman comes out, into the Red Square,
"You big bloody Germans, you surely are quare",
" If ye were big drinkers, I'd share my delight",
"But since 'yer both amateurs,back on the flight"

Great job 'ye bloody jokers!!!! Piss in the wind!!

Cliftonic

04 Jan 01 - 10:59 AM (#368418)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Wolfgang

Kim,
first, here is the original folksong (including tune and English translation) that Alex uses for his parody.

Now here's a singable but not rhyming (and not very verbatim) English translation of Alex's lyrics:

Do I have, do I have, do I have to see the loo,
have to see the loo, but the loo I cannot find.
Do I climb, do I climb, do I climb aboard a plane,
climb aboard a plane, and I fly to Russia, ouch!

When I wake up, I do find myself
in the Moscow police hands.

I fly back, I fly back, I fly back again at home,
back again at home, where they led me to a cell.

Back to you, Alex, for corrections and/or rhymes.

Wolfgang

04 Jan 01 - 11:00 AM (#368419)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Kim C

I did figure out the line about "in Moscow with the police......"

04 Jan 01 - 11:24 AM (#368432)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: mousethief

But Wolfgang, I used "wiederum" because that's what's in the original. Or did you do that for the scansion (rhythm)? But I really like what you did with the Gefängnis line, and thanks a bunch for the aufwecken/aufwachen distinction (my German is VERY rostig!).

Kim, this is based on an old German folk song, "Muss I Denn" in which a man is saying that he has to go away to do business in other towns, but when he returns he will (essentially) roll in his sweet baby's arms.

Elvis Presley recorded a song with the same tune, but English lyrics (quite unrelated to the German lyrics) called "I Don't Have a Wooden Heart."

So here's my new version, incorporating some but not all of Wolfgang's suggestions, and also a rough translation.

-----

Muss I Denn (2nd, revised edition!)
(tune: Muss I Denn)

Muss i' denn, muss i' denn, zum W.C. geh'n, W.C. geh'n, und i' find nit das W.C., Steig i' ein, steig i' ein, ins Flugzeug 'nein, Flugzeug 'nein, und i' flieg' nach Russland. Weh!

Als i' wache auf, i' finde mi' Auf Moskau's Polizei

Flieg i' heim, flieg i' heim, flieg i' wiederum heim, wiederum heim, man mi' wirft ins G'fängnis 'nein.

------

If I Must
(tune: Muss I Denn)

If I must, if I must go to the men's room
To the men's room, and I can't find it anywhere,
I'll get in, I'll get in, i-nto an airplane
To an airplane, fly to Russia, and find one there.

When I woke, I woke to find myself
In the arms of the Moscow police

I'll fly home, I'll fly home, once again I'll fly home
Again I'll fly home, to a jail cell, no more to roam.

04 Jan 01 - 12:28 PM (#368475)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Kim C

heeheehee! :)

04 Jan 01 - 12:43 PM (#368483)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Wolfgang

Alex,
'original' lyrics in a German folksong are about as elusive as in any Child ballad. 'Wieder, wieder' is how I have learned it (and it scans fine), but 'wiederum' is just as good.

The KING did actually sing a couple of lines of the German folksong lyrics embedded in 'Wooden heart' (click on Wooden Heart if you want to listen).

Wolfgang

04 Jan 01 - 12:47 PM (#368485)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Pseudolus

Let me tell you all a story bout a man named Hanz Drunk off his ass, then again so was Franz Walked down a hall just-a lookin for the Loo Got into a plane and off they both flew

High that is, Red Police, Big mistake

Well the next thing ya know our boys are Moscow Bound And there wasn't even one conventioner to be found The police put em back on the plane right away For the unintentional joy ride they would pay

Arrested that is, in the slammer, missed the convention

Y'all come back now y'hear?

Frank

04 Jan 01 - 01:14 PM (#368505)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: MMario

For those who may not recognize the parody - Pseudolus's offering above goes well to "The Beverly Hillbillies's theme Song"

04 Jan 01 - 01:56 PM (#368524)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Trapper

Here's my entry!

- Al

COMING INTO MOSCOW
(Tune: Coming Into Los Angeles)
(Words: Al Boyce 1/4/01)

Coming in from Moscow from Germany
Flying in a big airliner
Don't know where I am, only wanted to pee
In that tiny john, I felt much finer.

CHORUS
Coming into Moscow by flight
We got really hammered last night
My friend and I aren't really that bright
mister customs man ---

There's a guy with badge on his furry hat
My buddy even handed him a nickel
Why's the towel man in this convention can
Got a hat with a hammer and a sickle?

This woman walking on the moving floor
Kept bringing us caviar and vodka
This is the best bar that we've seen so far
With two window seats and free latkas!

04 Jan 01 - 08:48 PM (#368776)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Uncle_DaveO

Kim C:

I hate to be a spoilsport, but there hasn't been any such thing as the U.S.S.R. for--what is it, eight years now?

Dave Oesterreich

05 Jan 01 - 04:22 AM (#368946)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Hyperabid

A tribute to the season (Silent Night)

Stille Nacht Heilige Nacht
Bladder Pain Need to Pass
Board a bus but can't find a loo
One on the airplane - well that will do
Can we get off now please
Niet sir - take your seat

Mutti bitte war ich gehe zum haus
Niet you're stuck now just have a drink Claus
Pass the vodka – sorrows to drown
Where are we now – seem to be going down
Moscow welcomes you
Schiess I haven't a clue

Hope you are all rockin' around the Tannenbaum

Cheers.... Hyp.

05 Jan 01 - 09:51 AM (#369045)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Kim C

Well, Dave, I know that, but they were probably too drunk to notice anyhow! :)

05 Jan 01 - 02:30 PM (#369185)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Pete M'Gurk

Is it too late to make my entry?

(sung to the tune of "All For Me Grog", in a Milwaukeedeutsch accent)

CHORUS: Vell...vhere ist der loo, der cholly cholly loo,

Ve're full of beer und ve're bloated!

If ve don't get relief, it vill surely lead to grief,

Far across the Ural Mountains ve must vander!

VERSE: Here iss a bus, a cholly cholly bus,

But I can't read vhere it's goink!

If ve get on der bus, it may take der both of us

To a plaze vhere ve can pee mit vinds a-blowink!

CHORUS.

Zit in der zeat, der cholly cholly zeat,

Und I'll zit right here bezide you,

Nein, pliz don't make a pass at der flight attendant's ass

Use der laminated safety card to hide you!

CHORUS.

Vhat iss diss plaze, diss cholly cholly plaze,

Look at all der schnow und der vetter!

I am scared to der core, ve're not in Frankfurt anymore,

Schtuck in Muscovy mitout an entry letter!

CHORUS.

Ja, Kamerad! Mein cholly Kamerad!

Pliz let me try to explainen!

Mein liebe Tovarisch, I've been drinking like a fisch

Und I neffer vanted to ride on der planen!

FINAL CHORUS.

--Pete (with apologies to the Irish)

06 Jan 01 - 12:49 AM (#369534)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Clifton53

Never too late Pete!! I hope some of these folks know that tune because I'm wettin' meself reading it!! Great job.

Clifton

06 Jan 01 - 08:53 AM (#369628)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: MMario

tune for M'gurk's rendition can be found here with chorus first

06 Jan 01 - 12:42 PM (#369749)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: GUEST,Pete M'Gurk

Clifton, thanks! I'm glad you liked it. It was written in a Make-it-up-as-you-go-along style, so I wasn't sure how it was going to end up.

The version of the song I was running thru my head, MMario, was "All for me grog", not "Here's to the grog" - it's a little smoother transition from the original to my bastardized version.

Hey, I'm really having fun at the Mudcat! Sorry I didn't join earlier!

Pete

06 Jan 01 - 03:58 PM (#369869)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: MMario

sorry Pete! - as far as I could tell they are essentially the same tune; and I just wanted anyone not familiar with the tune to get an idea.

06 Jan 01 - 06:04 PM (#369961)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Bradypus

Nice one, Pete. A definite sing-along number!

Bradypus

06 Jan 01 - 06:42 PM (#369994)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Bradypus

On a Jet Plane

What a great party
The schnapps and the beer
I've drunk my fill
Just too much, I fear
I need to find the loo and have a slash

Was it left or right?
I really don't know
But my bladder's tight
I'm needing to go
I'll take a guess and through the airport dash

Chorus
I'm pissed, me, I need a pee
I just got on this bus, you see
Up these stairs to find somewhere to go
I'm heavin' on a jet plane
I don't want to see my lunch again
Oh babe, I need to go

Then the airplane leaves the ground
No idea where I'm bound
But a great relief to pee it all away
My head still spins, my throat feels dry
My vision's blurred, I wonder why
A twenty litre session lasts all day

Chorus

Now the plane's come in to land
I feel so cold, can hardly stand
It seems that I've reached Russia without love
I've got no papers, they send me back
Then another DT attack
When I return I'll need help from above

Chorus

Note: I'm not sure if all the terms are transatlantic. 'heavin' is from the retching/vomitting family, and pissed is the UK drunk, not the US annoyed. Slash and pee are both urinate.

Bradypus

21 Feb 01 - 10:08 PM (#403388)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Áine

HOWDY Y'ALL!!! I'm back, and y'all are BEAUTIFUL!

Betcha thought I'd forgotten all about my wonderful, beautiful, fantastic, snog-worthy Challengers, didn't ya? No way, dudes and dudettes. And here are your long awaited and more than well deserved Golden Cow Chip Awards -- and thanks for keeping the 'Challenge flame' alive while I was away with the fairies! ;-) And don't worry, the Challenge is still kickin' and will return real soon...

All the best, Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):
A Slow Boat Woulda Been Better by Dharmabum
Hanz And Franz by Pseudolus
Stuck In The USSR by Kim C

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):
A Tribute To The Season by Hyperabid
Coming Into Moscow by Trapper
Muss I Denn by mousethief
On a Jet Plane by Bradypus
Two German Drunks by Clifton53
Two Vacant Chairs by SINSULL
Ver Ist Der Loo by Pete M'Gurk

22 Feb 01 - 10:38 AM (#403701)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Kim C

Wow! I now have a Golden Cow Chip AND a Silver BLOB! Cool!

23 Aug 01 - 11:12 AM (#533934)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: SharonA

*refresh*

Once again I am committing a sacrilege by skewering a beautiful, haunting work (this one by Al Stewart). Perhaps I can absolve myself by encouraging people to give a listen to the original song if they're not already familiar with it. I mean Mr. Stewart no disrespect by writing this parody, but... I just... couldn't... resist...

RIDES TO MOSCOW
(Tune: "Roads to Moscow" by Al Stewart)

We tossed our first drink order back, hours after dawn,
Grooving with steins through the day.
Most of our brains were destroyed by the brown beer, they say.
Holding our water, we held it in good.
Urges from full bladders came
But we hadn't found out the bathroom's the other way.

Ah, softly we moved past the counters without paying the fees,
Crossing the runway and boarding the bus on our hands and our knees.
And all that we ever
Were able to see-ee:
The jet with a john, up ahead, we could enter and "go" all we please.

The shuttle then drove us up to the big plane.
On men's "thrones" our asses soon fell.
By evening, we stood, we cower'd back and sat down, feeling ill.
Closer and closer to Moscow we come,
Passing our wind – what a smell!
The men's stalls mid-air, we're in, stranded! We cursed all to hell.

We've not brought with us, on-plane, cash nor a passport to show.
Spewing and slack-jawed and tanked, we'll be found. We'll stay high till they know!
And all that we ever
Were able to see-ee:
The fire in the eyes, glowing red, of the stewardesses that we tease.

In the footsteps of pink elephants, our drunken figures stagger out the plane's door,
Falling down before the gate at Moscow, lying by the Russian cops we met there.
And far away in Frankfurt, the conventioneers are wond'ring how we got lost,
Stumbling unexpectedly upon airliners. No one writes or calls us.
We'll never know, we'll never know which way we turned, which plane we took, they'll never free us
'Cause we're stealing beer and peanuts, food and flights. We'll never go, they'll never clear us.
They don't even give us a drink of amber beer; we can't use their plumbing.
The morning finds us in Stalin's land and our ears are loudly humming.

Two drunken flyers are high'r in the night.
Sent back to Frankfurt we've been.
We drink in the plane till our final approach will begin.
It's been almost four days that we've worn the same shorts.
At home we'll have lagers and sing.
The flames of the turbines are flying us over Berlin.

Ah, quickly we move to the aisle once the plane's on the ground.
The old men and children we push from their places; they can't slow us down.
And all that we ever
Were able to see-ee
The door of the airplane is opening.
Now it's the end of our scheme.

We're coming home, we're coming home! Now we'll get wasted once again; our flight is over.
We don't listen to the bick'ring of the Federal Police who guard the border
As now they ask us of the time when we got on the jet airliner, taking pilsner.
"It's only 'cause we lost our way. Give us a break," we say, "we'll learn." They're hissing, "No, sir."
We'll never know, we'll never know why we were taken from the crowd that came from Russia
And taken in, arraigned and jailed here, deep inside the part reserved for lushes.
And it's cold and dank in this dry-out tank and we stare out, still and sullen,
And the pale ales of Oktoberfest say that we are not Wilkummen.
And we wonder when we'll drink foam again and the border cops say, "Never."
And we're grieving guys, and the now-unfriendly skies don't want us, ever.

23 Aug 01 - 11:54 AM (#533959)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: SharonA

By the way, "Roads to Moscow" can be found on Al Stewart's CD "Past, Present and Future", which is Stewart's review of the twentieth century (at least, up to the 1970's) in song. He takes a peek into the future there, too, with the song "Nostradamus".

24 Aug 01 - 12:34 AM (#534329)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Jack the Sailor

Thanks mudelf for deleting previous post!

Well, I didn't feel guilty about sending up George and Ira, so Al Stewart is a piece of cake.

not quite as recorded on Time Passages by Al Stewart (words and music by Al Stewart and Peter White)

Trying Passengers

Convention in Frankfurt. And they had to go
All'round the beer was starting to flow.
Then to the airport, they stumbled and so
They climbed on a plane and turned into

Flying Passengers, couldn't see that things weren't right
Flying Passengers Send them back on the first plane home tonight

Well, they're not the kind to fly with class.
the woman in shorts is the steward ass
The things they are pinching as she tries to walk past
They are obnoxious and their lines are crass

from these

Trying Passengers Can't keep their hands off her firm behind
Trying Passengers But she is patient on this so annoying night

They sober up and thier stomachs do churn
It isn't airmiles that they're starting to earn
When they are tried then the judge will be firm
They shouldn't joyride those stowaways
With police are waiting in the terminal crowd.
Their heads are pounding and they ain't proud
Convention over and they just want to go.
You will have jailtime cause you're one of those

Crying Passengers, You are hungover you're a terrible sight
Crying Passengers, They sent you home on a deportation flight

repeat and fade......

05 Sep 01 - 09:34 AM (#542392)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 48
From: Aidan Crossey

A parody of "Deportees". Seems a shame to subject such a fine song to the derrymacash mauling, but there you go!
The convention is over, the seminars finished
The name-badges tossed in the waste paper bins
It's time we should leave to go back to our companies
Hopefully next year we will all meet again

Auf wiedersehen, Hans
Adios, Carlito
Adieu, Michel
Ciao, Benito
You won't have a name
If you stow 'board an aeroplane
All they will call you will be deportees

I ventured to Franz, that since we lived local
We might as well stay for a schnapps and a beer
That was four hours ago, and both of us plastered
Trying to find our way home out of here

Auf wiedersehen, Hans
Adios, Carlito
Adieu, Michel
Ciao, Benito
You won't have a name
If you stow 'board an aeroplane
All they will call you will be deportees

"Let's get this bus" I slurred and we boarded
Both of us staggering and pissed as a lord
Our destination was out of our hands
And so when it stopped we followed the hordes

Auf wiedersehen, Hans
Adios, Carlito
Adieu, Michel
Ciao, Benito
You won't have a name
If you stow 'board an aeroplane
All they will call you will be deportees

Thank God they have pulled back the Iron Curtain
Or both of us would have been taken for spies
We'd have been flung in jail, of that I am certain
Instead of being charged with hitching a ride

Auf wiedersehen, Hans
Adios, Carlito
Adieu, Michel
Ciao, Benito
You won't have a name
If you stow 'board an aeroplane
All they will call you will be deportees