Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead

02 Feb 01 - 04:43 PM (#388623)
Subject: Lyr Add: LARGE BALLS
From: Sorcha

LARGE BALLS

Miss Jones was walking down the street
When a young fella she happen to meet
Who was giving the girls a helluva treat
By twisting and turning his balls.

For they were large balls, large balls
Twice as heavy as lead
With a dexterous twist
Of his muscular wrist
He threw them right over his head.

A policeman to the scene was brought
He said, "I'll have to take you to court
'Cos it's certain that nobody ought
To be twisting and turning his balls."

The prisoner standing in the dock
Gave the judge a helluva shock
By insisting on showing the jury his cock
And twisting and turning his balls

The judge he said, "The case is clear
The fine will be barrel of beer
For any young bugger who comes in here
Twisting and turning his balls."

from: http://www.oli.tudelft.nl/thor/songs/Large.html

I don't believe I actually found this........LOL!!

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02 Feb 01 - 04:50 PM (#388629)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: wdyat12

Sorcha, So this is where the idea for that AC/DC tune came from! wdyat12

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02 Feb 01 - 04:59 PM (#388633)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: GUEST,Roll&Go-C

Not bad! My other verses run:

As he was swinging them round and round,
One came down with a bloody great bound,
Right on the head of his faithful hound,
Who was watching him play with his balls,
For they were...

To magistrate he was taken away,
And his case came up the very next day,
But the magistrate could not say,
Why he should not play with his balls,
For they were...

Now Anthony Clair has gone to rest,
And may his soul forever be blessed,
Of all good fellows he was the best,
And he liked to play with his balls,
For they were large balls,
Ballas as heavy as lead!

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02 Feb 01 - 05:24 PM (#388669)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: wdyat12

Keep it coming folks! This is going to make writing my thesis so much easier! wdyat12

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02 Feb 01 - 05:32 PM (#388681)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: GUEST,Roll&Go-C

What AC/DC tune?

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02 Feb 01 - 05:35 PM (#388687)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: Sorcha

What thesis? Are you two the same person, (grin)? RollnGo wants em, so wdyat12 thesis-izes 'em........

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02 Feb 01 - 05:43 PM (#388697)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: wdyat12

Roll&Go and Sorcha, The AC/DC tune is "We've got the Biggest Balls of them All" and I think my thesis topic was "An Environmental History of the Kennebec River," but your topic sounds much more fun! wdyat12

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02 Feb 01 - 05:45 PM (#388701)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: wdyat12

Sorcha, I may have two personalities? Explain! wdyat 12

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02 Feb 01 - 05:47 PM (#388705)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: GUEST,Roll&Go-C

"An Environmental History of the Kennebec River"? How do the lyrics go? "Up the lazy river where the power lies..."

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02 Feb 01 - 05:54 PM (#388712)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: wdyat12

Not exactly! More like "Take me to the River" from a salmon's point of view.

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02 Feb 01 - 06:08 PM (#388728)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: Sorcha

I am still not sure just how Anthony Clair's balls relate to the Kennebec river, but I'll take your word for it, (*BG*)

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02 Feb 01 - 06:11 PM (#388733)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: wdyat12

I think I could work the lyrics for "Balls as Heavy as Lead" into my original topic. Lead in fish is a major problem! wdyat12

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02 Feb 01 - 06:13 PM (#388738)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: Sorcha

aaahhhh, well glad we solved that one, then!! (she says giggling) Sorry, it just struck me funny.

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02 Feb 01 - 06:21 PM (#388745)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: GUEST,Roll&Go-2

Wdyat12
Your thesis reminds me of another British song which would be hard to track down called "Fish Fingers."

I do live on the Kennebec River, up in Richmond, so I take an interest in what's going on with fish.

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02 Feb 01 - 06:33 PM (#388752)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: wdyat12

Sorcha, My split personality or my thesis? Explain! wdyat12

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02 Feb 01 - 06:40 PM (#388760)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: wdyat12

Roll&Go-2, I would really appreciate it if you would trasncribe the lyrics of "Fish Fingers" to me. I'm on another link dicussing fingernails and fingerpicking also. So, you live below where the Edward's Damn used to be? wdyat12

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02 Feb 01 - 06:43 PM (#388763)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: Sorcha

I was just wondering if RollnGo and wdyat were some sort of weird "mirror personalities". RnG asked for the lyrics, and then you wanted to incorporate them into your thesis.......sort of like RnG didn't want to admit why the lyrics were needed.......probably it was only a "synapse fart" in my strange brain.

Lead in fish is NOT funny, I agree. Neither is pollution of rivers, etc. Is this thesis written yet? I am sure your advisors would get a large charge out of the lyrics.....after all, perhaps lead poisoning or lead poisoned fish caused 'Tony's problem........although it sounds more like Elaphantitis to me (which is not a funny thing either, if you have it)

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02 Feb 01 - 07:07 PM (#388784)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: wdyat12

Sorcha, I don't know, but Roll&Go and I seem to have a special bond with this river called Kennebec. He is a different entity than me and Yes! I bond with him, if you want to call that "mirror personalities," that's OK.You are right! Lead and murcury are not tolerable in our rivers. Niether is effluent from Nuke Plants or Sewage Treatment Plants,"Damns,"or other impediments to the "natural flow" and "original character" of a river. As for Elephantitis, that too is probably the effect of an environment gone wrong!

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02 Feb 01 - 07:11 PM (#388787)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: wdyat12

Where were we folks? We were having so much fun until you asked me the "Right Questions." wdyat12

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02 Feb 01 - 07:13 PM (#388790)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: GUEST,Roll&Go-C

I'm signing off for now. Thanks for the feedback.

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02 Feb 01 - 07:23 PM (#388800)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: wdyat12

Please don't ask me anything that relates to my thesis or the environment again, as it has a real negative effect on the flow of the discussion! wdyat12

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03 Feb 01 - 01:17 PM (#389215)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: GUEST,Roll&Go-C

P.S.

Here's the second verse to my family's version of this song:

As Anthony Clair came down the street,
A pretty girl he chanced to meet,
And she was given the wondrous treat,
Of watching him play with his balls,
For they were large balls,
Balls as heavy as lead!

In my family's version Anthony is clearly a juggler,
an artist rather than just an uncouth exhibitionist.

I'm still interested in comments about the song. My family
learned it from an exciled Britisher, Dennis Puleston of
Brookhaven, Long Island.

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15 Jul 02 - 12:13 PM (#748362)
Subject: Lyr Add: LARGE BALLS (from Brian Kirk & the Jirks)
From: Jim Dixon

Copied from http://www.jirks.com/cds/second/american_life_lyrics.htm

LARGE BALLS
Lyrics and music by ?
Additional lyrics by B. Kirk

There was a man named Anthony Claire.
He was a was fine juggler.
There wasn't a man that compared with the way
He fiddled and played with his balls.

'Cause they were large balls,
Balls as heavy as lead.
With a dexterous twist of his muscular wrist,
He could flick 'em right over his head.

Now Anthony walking down the street,
Just by chance he happened to meet
A pretty young lass with a dog at her feet
Watching him play with his balls.

CHORUS: Now Anthony swung them round and round
And let them go with a hell of a bound
Right on the head of the faithful hound
Who was watching him play with his balls. CHO.

They took him to a magistrate
Who left him in a cell to wait.
He stayed there to meditate
While he twisted and played with his balls. CHO.

The judge he said, "It's a bloody disgrace,
Exposing yourself in a public place,
Whacking your tool in a lady's face
While you're twisting and paying with your balls." CHO.

The judge and jury couldn't agree
So the judge he said, "it's plain to me.
Really and truly I cannot see
Why a man shouldn't play with his balls." CHO.

Now Anthony gave the court a shock,
Bold and brassy left the dock,
Tucking his tool inside his sock
While he twisted and played with his balls. CHO.

So this is the moral of the song:
If you play with your balls, you can't go wrong,
So bang your cock against the gong
While you twist and play with your balls.

(Copyright © 2000 by Brian Kirk & the Jirks. All rights reserved.)
[Recorded on the album "American Life in the Summertime." There is an mp3 file available on this page.]

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15 Jul 02 - 12:15 PM (#748364)
Subject: Lyr Add: LARGE BALLS (Larry Nash)
From: Jim Dixon

Copied from http://www.jirks.com/lyrics2/musiclist_artist.asp?u_action=display&u_log=130

LARGE BALLS

Miss Jones was walking down the street,
When a young fellow she happened to meet,
Was giving the girls a hell of a treat,
Twisting and turning his balls.

CHORUS: But they were large balls, large balls,
Twice as heavy as lead, cha, cha;
And with two twists of his muscular wrists,
He threw them right over his head.
Sera-aboom, sera-a-boom, sera-a-boom boom boom.

A policeman to the scene was called,
He said, "A lesson'll have to be taught,
Because it's certain that no one ought
To be twisting and turning his balls."

The prisoner standing in the dock,
He gave the judge a hell of a shock,
Insisting on showing the jury his cock,
And twisting and turning his balls.

The judge he said, "The case is clear,
The fine will be a pint of beer,
For any young bugger that comes in here,
Twisting and turning his balls."

Copyright © 1997-2001 Larry Nash. All rights reserved.

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15 Jul 02 - 12:48 PM (#748384)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: fogie

refreshing?

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15 Jul 02 - 12:57 PM (#748388)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: Nigel Parsons

Sorcha: when you said "it just struck me funny" was that last word a 'typo' ?

Nigel

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15 Jul 02 - 03:20 PM (#748453)
Subject: Lyr/Chords Add: ANTHONY CLAIRE (from D Puleston)
From: Charley Noble

Hmmmm. Well, I suppose if people have seriously reworked or rearranged this old music hall song they's entitledto copyright their results. In general I'm perfectly happy with Dennis's version which all together runs (copy and repaste into WORD/TIMES/12):

After the singing of old family friend Dennis Puleston of Brookhaven, Long Island, NY, in the 1950's.

ANTHONY CLAIRE

G---------------------------------------
There once was a man named Antony Claire
----Em----------------------G
And he was known most every-where,
G---------------------------
Oh, he was a famous conjuror,
----------------------------D7
And he liked to play with his balls –

Chorus:

D7-----------G
For they were large balls,
D---------------G
Balls as heavy as lead,
G
With a hell of a twist of his muscular wrist,
----------------------------D7
He'd sling 'em right over his head!
--------------G
For they were large balls,
D7--------------G
Balls as heavy as lead!

As Anthony Claire walked down the street,
A pretty girl he chanced to meet,
And she was given the wondrous treat
Of watching him play with his balls...CHO

As he was slinging 'em round and round,
One came down with a bloody great bound,
Right on the head of his faithful hound
Who was watching him play with his balls...CHO

To the magistrate he was taken away,
And his case came up the very next day,
But the magistrate could not say
Why he should not play with his balls...CHO

Now Anthony Claire has gone to rest,
And may his soul forever be blessed,
Of all good fellows, he was the best,
And he liked to play with his balls...CHO

I do like the verse which runs:

The lady cried, "Oh my, my, my
You have hit my poor doggie right in the eye;
You've made him sob and shriek and cry
With your horrible bouncing balls."

It does fill in the plot line.

Cheerily,
c Charley Noble, aka Guest: Roll&Go-C

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15 Jul 02 - 08:38 PM (#748571)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: breezy

and at the end of the chorus go OI! as performed by by Pete Rose of Watford circa 1980 ,thats Saul's Dad

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15 Jul 02 - 08:56 PM (#748579)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: Herga Kitty

Well, as "large boots" it was performed by Bob (now Rob)Williams on the Herga record about 10 years earlier - from which Bob Hambleton has now learned it and started singing it. I rather think this is where Pete Rose (via the folk club and the morris side) got it from.

Kitty

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16 Jul 02 - 07:28 AM (#748786)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: GUEST

Was the 'boots' version the original or a cleaned-up version? Anyone know the origins of the song?

Both versions were around when I was at school (1960's)

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16 Jul 02 - 07:31 AM (#748787)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: GUEST

But the version I heard was slightly different - the flick of the wrist was the 'boots' version. In the 'balls' version, it was a 'dexterous flick of his muscular prick'

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16 Jul 02 - 09:40 AM (#748841)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: Charley Noble

The Puleston version dates back to at least the 1930's.

Charley Noble

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28 Jul 07 - 01:04 PM (#2113412)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: Charley Noble

Still no clue where this music hall/drinking song came from, other than my old mentor Dennis Puleston. Any further suggestions? It clearly predates World War 2.

Charley Noble

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31 Jul 07 - 10:37 PM (#2116119)
Subject: Lyr Add: LARGE BALLS / ANTHONY CLAIRE
From: Jim Dixon

Here's another version, from a web site called Drinking Songs

LARGE BALLS (a.k.a. ANTHONY CLAIRE)

Now, there once was a man called Anthony Clair
He was a very fine jugulaire,
There wasn't a man who could compare
With the way he fiddled and played with his balls.

CHORUS: For they were large balls, large balls,
Balls as heavy as lead.
With a dexterous twist of his muscular wrist,
He could flick them right over his head.
(Be-doom, be-doom, be-doom, be-doom boom, boom)

Now, Anthony was walking down the street,
Just by chance he happened to meet,
A pretty young maid with a dog at her feet,
Watching him fiddle and play with his balls.

Now, Anthony swung 'em round and round,
Let 'em go with a hell of a bound,
Right on the head of the faithful hound,
Watching him play with his balls.

Now, the maiden, she was overwrought,
Swore she'd take the case to court,
For in her opinion no man ought
To be twisting and playing with his balls.

They took him to a magistrate,
Who put him in a cell in state,
And left him there to meditate,
And fiddle and play with his balls.

And when they took the case to court,
The lawyer of the lady sought,
To prove that Anthony shouldn't ought,
To fiddle and play with his balls.

The jury said, "It's a bloody disgrace,
Exposing yourself in a public place,
Whacking your tool in a lady's face,
Twisting and playing with your balls."

The judge and jury couldn't agree,
And the judge said, "It's plain to see,
And really and truly I cannot see,
Why a man shouldn't play with his balls."

Then Anthony gave the crowd a shock,
Bold as brass he left the dock,
Swinging his balls around his cock,
Twisting and playing with his balls.

And this is the moral of this song,
If you play with your balls, you can't go wrong,
So bang your cock against the gong,
And fiddle and play with your balls.

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01 Aug 07 - 08:30 AM (#2116388)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: Charley Noble

Jim-

The song lives on!

But where did it come from?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

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01 Aug 07 - 10:09 AM (#2116472)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: GUEST,Lighter at work

But was there a real Anthony Claire? (Not that he did any of this stuff.) It doesn't sound much like a made-up folk name.

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01 Aug 07 - 06:28 PM (#2116889)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: Rowan

In Melbourne, during the late 50s and early 60s, there were several variations in plotlines (the ones above seem to cover everything I can recall) but the chorus was invariably

For they were large balls, huge balls,
twice as heavy as lead, tra la.
With a dexterous flick of his muscular prick,
He could kick them right over his head.
Ta ra ra boom, ta ra ra boom, ta ra ra boom, boom, boom.

Cheers, Rowan

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02 Aug 07 - 08:49 AM (#2117333)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: Charley Noble

Rowan-

Your verse certainly looks like a logical articulation of the song!

My old mentor Dennis Puleston (who was originally from the UK) used to follow this song up with what he called "That Bloody Great Kidney Wiper" which we children, still being relatively innocent, transformed into "That Bloody Great Windshield (Windscreen) Wiper" which we'd chorus loudly as we marched around the front lawn.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

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11 Mar 08 - 03:09 AM (#2285090)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: Uke

Thought I'd add to this discussion because the song got mentioned in the current 'Filthy Songs' thread. Both the 'balls' and 'boots' version have been known here in New Zealand, from at least the 1940s.

Maybe there is a relationship between this song and 'A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts'. There are a few similarities in the chorus:

Oh, I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts,
There they are all standing in a row.
Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head
Give 'em a twist, a flick of the wrist,
That's what the showman said.


For they were large balls, balls as heavy as lead,
With a flick and a twist of his muscular wrist,
He could throw 'em right over his head.


Or maybe it's entirely coincidental...

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11 Mar 08 - 08:26 AM (#2285219)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Balls as Heavy as Lead
From: Charley Noble

Uke-

You may be on to something, or not!

After all, great ideas, as with coconuts, do not fall far from their tree...

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

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