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26 Feb 01 - 12:16 AM (#406284) Subject: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Ever since two years ago, when we almost lost Spaw, I've been thinking about what a community we have wrought and the obligations or responsibilities each of us may or may not feel to that community. Sorcha's recent thread on suicide and all of the postings there brought it even more to mind. I have mentioned before that I intend to write a posting, file it in my WP, with instructions to my family to post it should I die in an unexpected manner, without time for farewells. Now, before anyone panics: NO, I am not suicidal, not even on the same planet, and NO, I have taken a sudden turn. I just know that I feel I would want you all to know what had happened, which my family would post, and what I would want to say to you, if it was to be my very last posting in this realm of existence. So...I do intend to write that posting, along with a few personal ones, too, to family and friends. I am curious to know how the rest of you feel about this. Do you feel any obligation or responsibility that other Mudders know if something sudden were to happen to you? Do you have a Mudder friend or family member who accepts the charge to post about you should that occur? I know some have formed close friendships and informally check on one another and would just naturally let everyone else know, but I am talking about making sure there is a farewell of some sort. So, sorry if this seems too morbid, really am curious to hear your views. Thanks, kat
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26 Feb 01 - 12:24 AM (#406287) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Matt_R Well, if something happened to me, I'd certainly want one of my friends here to let the rest of you know how I was doing. Unfortunately none of them are THAT much in touch with me, that if I got smashed by a semi when crossing the street tomorrow and died...no one here would ever really know. Unless I had a dying request to have my family post here. |
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26 Feb 01 - 12:33 AM (#406290) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amergin I'm with Matt....if I got hurt and let loose of this world or something I'd like everyone to know...but who would tell? |
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26 Feb 01 - 12:59 AM (#406296) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Sorcha I would defintitely want my Mudder/Catter friends to know if something happened to me that precluded my posting it......whether it were my death or just something like a serious hospitalization. Maybe we could all put a sign on the fridge:
In case of Emergency please let Mudcat (include URL here) know. There are lots of you that I consider "family", and how else are you to know why I am not posting? I really love this idea, kat, and
HERE'S YOUR SIGN!!!
This really does have a lot to do with the "A" word....."aging"......the older we get, the more "in your face" our own mortality is........it's not morbid, but when we lose our parents, we are suddenly faced with the fact that we are Adults, whether we want to be or not....and we too, are someday going to die whether we want to or not.........
We don't always have a choice about how we go. I smoke, and I could die from Lung Cancer or emphysema, but I could also die in a car crash tomorrow.......we never know when we will be called.
Matt, leave our phone number on your fridge.......we care enough to let people know. Mudcat has enriched my life immeasurably......to the detriment of my Practice Time.........maybe that's my epitaph......."She MudCatted instead of Practicing". That, or "Nobody Home"........... |
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26 Feb 01 - 01:00 AM (#406297) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Well, that is partly the point of this thread, Amergin...if people wanted to, they could set up some sort of contact info with one another to be sure we did know. After that happened with Spaw, we were super sensitive about it, for awhile, with many people posting threads about when they would be away from the Mudcat, so that we wouldn't worry about them. Some still do this like Peg, recently, when her computer was down. Thanks, kat |
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26 Feb 01 - 01:03 AM (#406299) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Thanks, darlin'! We cross-posted. (Just finished folding the clothes!) Amergin, I'd be happy (well sad for the need) to be a contact person for your family, critters, or whomever could get ahold of us. |
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26 Feb 01 - 01:10 AM (#406302) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Sorcha I think most of us would be willing to fulfill that need, if it came to that. Just put a sign on the fridge......
"and when I die, when I am dead,dead and gone", please let Mudcat know. There aren't many people I know that would care as much as some of you........ |
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26 Feb 01 - 03:21 AM (#406324) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Ebbie Interesting. This subject must be floating in the air, because for the last several days I've been thinking of this very thing. In my case, I have a good friend who sometimes posts on the 'Cat who would put the seal on my departure. But I was wondering if some of those who used to post here over the last few years and no longer do may be beyond reach? In some cases we have no way of knowing, do we? One reason I would like Mudcatters to know if/when I died is that I love the idea of a cloud pillow of generous, caring souls wafting and lofting me on my way! Listen carefully and you'll hear my laughter fading into the distance. Or maybe not. Maybe one can elect to stay close by. I have a friend who tells me to let her know if I'm 'around'- but not to scare her! The other day I was looking at the sky pierced by the sun-pinked snow-covered mountains and I thought, Oh, I'll miss all this beauty... And suddenly I realized, Hey! I'll be able to see it better than ever! Ebbie
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26 Feb 01 - 05:13 AM (#406342) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: KingBrilliant I tend not to keep long friendships & so I just drift in & out of knowing people. So I'd not have any wish to say goodbye, I'd just disappear same as usual. It wouldn't usually cross my mind that anyone might wonder where I'd gone. Obligation & responsibility to let people know if I'd croaked? I wouldn't have thought so. I hope that doesn't seem mean & nasty, its just an honest answer to the question. I'm just an 'out of sight out of mind' sort of person in both directions. Kris |
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26 Feb 01 - 06:50 AM (#406361) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock Oh good, I'm not the only one who has specifically requested that my family and/or my Other Half contacts Mudcat if anything terrible should happen. Me and the Other Half were talking about this last month - an old boyfriend of mine was rushed to hospital seriously ill and it'll be a long recovery, though he's out of danger now. This lead us into a conversation about "what we'll do if...", and after me telling him that The Parting Glass and Ae Fond Kiss would be nice at my funeral, and that he should contact Mudcat for me, these threads have appeared! It wouldn't just be obligation to tell the Mudcatters what's happened, it's a sneaky way of hooking the Other Half and family members who don't know much about Mudcat. That way I'll feel like some part of me is still hanging round the forum, spending half their day happily replying to the BS threads. |
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26 Feb 01 - 07:26 AM (#406371) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Giac A couple of friends have a list of people to contact in the event. Mudcat is on the list. |
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26 Feb 01 - 08:05 AM (#406385) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: GUEST,Matt_R But see my family aren't exactly Mudcat material. They're not into music that much, not people who usually go online, and they'd probably get offended at 95% of the B.S. threads, and probably couldn't care less about the musical ones. |
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26 Feb 01 - 09:23 AM (#406427) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: wysiwyg If you don't like long, honest posts, skip this one. I think that the network of relationships is even stronger than we realize, Mudcat ones included. I think that in my case, it would happen like this. Someone in my family would know to check my e-mail, and both Hardiman and our daughter would know how-- passwords, such. They'd be clearing up my affairs, you see, including looking at my computer. They'd know, too, that there had been a large number of people I had corresponded with, closely, because I share these things with them. So they would feel they would need to open my mails and send back replies letting people know I was gone and probably offering a word or two of comfort or acknowledgment of how much I had loved and delighted in that person. Once that process began, there are at least two or three Catters who would be among those to get a reply like that, and I am sure they would come to Mudcat and post about it. They'd be likely to do this, though, AFTER getting the word out to others they had known I was close to. They'd be thinking how I would do it, see-- they'd find whatever they had learned about me and from me, kicking in, to guide them. Of course the Christians among them would be well versed in how a Christian handles a time like this, as well. Once the Inbox and PM page had been looked at and replies sent by my family (and I bet it would be our daughter who'd do a lot of it, after Hardi had made a start by writing a basic message for her to customize), it would probably occur to them to send a general notice to my whole address book. It's organized well so that would be easy to do. As far as last words I would offer, to leave behind for people... that's all set. You see, a long time ago I learned that we are made to LOVE even more than we need to BE loved. And then a poem I came across during one of my own times of most intense change gave me words to put that lesson into action. I think it was called Speak Your Love, and I have been thinking lately that I hope it is buried in one of those boxes recovered from the fire, because there are a couple of people now I wish I could give it to. It was a tender and loving exhortation to us all to do just that, with any and everyone we know and love-- not just boy/girl love. So I have spoken my love, very often, in rich detail and bold color. I was reflecting with Hardiman just the other night that I never need to worry if people "get" whatever I try to give, share, teach, etc. I'm too intense for it ever to get lost forever.... whatever someone did not "hear" on any given day, I know that their experience of knowing me will last a long, long time. Whatever they needed to know from me, they will know, in their own time. I'm so lucky-- I have had the experience, often, of having people look me up ten or more years after contact has been lost, to tell me that a thing that had stood unresolved between us had finally made sense and they had seen what I had tried so hard to show them. And they thanked me for never giving in, no matter how hard they'd tried to make me agree they were right and I was wrong. For the matter usually had to do with how wonderful they were, and how wonderful life is. Once they had added a few more experiences to what I had seen "before their time," they spontaneously realized what we'd been arguing over amounted to that. As a Chrsitian, also, it would be my privilege to be in heaven praying for the people I had loved. And God would be continuing to look after them too, sending them little messages and experiences and blessings long after I'd gone... because He does, anyway, plus I have asked Him to. I have serious enough health problems to think once in awhile, "What if I died right now? What's been left hanging? What did I not get to do, experience, give, or get?" I can't remember a time in the last ten years when I did not respond, "It's fine, it's enough, I'm ready, today would be fine, right now would be fine, let's GO already." Oh, I'm sure there would be lots of loose ends. I have loved imperfectly, as intensely as I have loved accurately. But anyone I have loved even a little would find, to their surprise probably, that they could speak for me at my funeral, and get most of whatever I would say exactly right. (Hee hee hee... it could be you.) ~Susan |
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26 Feb 01 - 10:52 PM (#406932) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Spud Murphy My impulse, when this thread was first started, was to simply say "I'm immortal.', and let it go at that. I've been in zero visibility without an instrument rating several times during my life, a couple of those times literally, when I was flying a small bush plane in Alaska. And then there were other near misses like the parties we had on Guadalcanal with live fire crackers. And not more than a couple of years ago I spent a whole day packed in ice while enough surgeons to fill a VW bus, and other like riffraff, stood around my inert body conjecturing on the imminence of my escape from earthly concerns. I could leave all of Mudcat Land with fond wishes for remembrances of times past, if and when there have been enough times past to warrant that. Rather than that, I am satisfied to have the opportunity to speak to you now, about the past, when opportunity provides, and simply enjoy the presence of your company. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR DEPARTMENT: Long before I became a research project for the University of California, San Diego, Medical Center, I executed a living will that clearly stated I was NEVER to be hooked up to any life support system to sustain life when it was not capable of sustaining itself. After the operation I was in ICU for four months, mostly unconscious, unable to even breathe without a ventilator or take nourishment from anything but a tube. I am sure glad nobody ever bothered to check the instructions in that bloody living will. (I guess I forgot to stick it on the fridge.) Understandably, the last two years have been the best years of my life. Spud |
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27 Feb 01 - 11:08 PM (#407732) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: MichaelAnthony Kat, I think that's a great idea, and perhaps something of a responsibility if one has close online relationships... maybe the individuals one communicates with on a regular basis would make up the bulk of the responsibility, if not the whole of a particular online community. |
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27 Feb 01 - 11:20 PM (#407741) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Thanks, MicahelAnthony, I had thought this one was going to drop off into the *thread abyss*. I think you are right, there are many of us who do communicate with one another and would probably get word that way, then pass it on. Maybe there could be a list of people willing to be contacted? Or maybe that is too organised and we should just leave it to individuals to make their own contingency plans. It doesn't matter to me, I am just thinking out loud. kat |
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27 Feb 01 - 11:41 PM (#407752) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Lonesome EJ I think I might prefer that no one here know if anything were to happen to me. I sometimes wonder about some of those who have disappeared from the forum, like my friend Neil Lowe, who just stopped posting one day. I hope he's ok, and if not, I'd just as soon keep my fingers crossed that he'll post again. At least here, we are defined by the substance of our posts, or the lack thereof. I like the way old threads re-emerge, bringing those posts and posters back to life. It's the Mudcat's own little cycle of rebirth. Long may we run. |
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27 Feb 01 - 11:41 PM (#407753) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amos Spud: Wonderful post and wonderful heart. Read you 5x5. Actually, I think you are immortal and with that kind of courage, you'll have no trouble living up to it!!! But I'm real glad they didn't read your instructions!!! Regards, A |
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28 Feb 01 - 12:35 AM (#407774) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Oh, sure, LeeJ, take away any possibility of us having a send-up wake and stomping good music time for you!**BG** I like that idea of us being the substance of our posts and getting reborn. Sometimes I go back and read over something I wrote a long time ago on here and am amazed; don't remember writing it, nor where it came from. Beautiful posting, Spud, I love the way you share your wisdom and am very glad you've joined us. |
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28 Feb 01 - 12:57 AM (#407786) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Extra Stout In Ohio, we have a little organ donor icon on our driver's licences. Maybe a short Mudcat notice could be scotch taped to a similar spot. Stuff falls off my fridge all the time, but I haven't lost my driver's licence yet. That's a nice idea, Kat. |
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28 Feb 01 - 07:42 AM (#407876) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: GUEST,micca at work Yes I hope someone of mine will let folks here know if anything happened and here is why. Just after I was diagnosed as diabetic (3 years ago) I had an "episode" that was described by my doctor as a very very tiny stroke he put me on a daily small dose of aspirin to keep the blood thin, The Psychological effects of this, were much more far reaching than I expected or noticed. This came to a head when my closest friend and family member (the same person) sat me down and gave me the most almighty rollicking, recently. The reason for this was I had been withdrawing from those close to me to try and limit the pain my death would cause them. I accepted that this was true, though' entirely unconscious. It was then pointed out that my friends would be distressed no matter what happened, and that distancing them was simply making it worse, not easier as they would be deprived of more recent happy memories. The immediate and long term effect of this is that, I am going to enjoy every minute of every day, live, love as much as I can, sing , and laugh, and most of all share with friends, when my time comes to move to the next level, I hope my friends will come together both here in the virtual, and in the 3D and do a "Talking stick " type wake. A symbol (often a carved stick) is passed round (in the presence of lots of beer and wine) and the person holding the stick "has the floor" and can sing, recite a poem or tell a joke or an anecdote or memory about the object of the event. For we live on in the memories of our friends, and especially we should cherish them while we can as I am cared for and cherished by mine, and if you have space for me, I would like to live on in your memories too as so many of you already do in mine. |
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28 Feb 01 - 01:58 PM (#408128) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Wesley S My brother { Hello Ironmule ! } lurks here but rarely posts. My guess is that he would post something but I'll confirm that with him soon. I never would have thought about that - I wouldn't have thought that enough people would care but after my son Patricks death last December and the number of personal messages and contacts I received I realise how wrong I was. It was a great comfort to both my wife and I - and she's never been here. I know I'm feeling very mortal now. My mother died one week ago today and thats a sure fire way to see the face of the grim reaper. On top of that I had a car wreck yesterday on my first day back at work. As the song says "If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all". I'm beginning to wonder if Someone is pissed off at me. I've got an appointment for a complete checkup. And I'm driving very slowly now. But it is nice to know that we belong to a community that cares even if we have never met face to face. |
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28 Feb 01 - 02:11 PM (#408137) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Micca sorry, my post is missing the last line " as so many of you already do in mine"
added to previous post |
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28 Feb 01 - 02:17 PM (#408139) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Morticia I had always taken it as read that I would post news of Micca's dragging to the great void kicking and screaming, and perhaps Liz the Squeak too,and they of mine. I fully expect a cyber wake of heroic proportions and the Mudcat Tavern awash with ale and scurrilous stories for any one of us.Anyway, who else could I trust to look after those two reprobates if I go first, if not you guys? |
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28 Feb 01 - 02:30 PM (#408147) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: tiggerdooley I've only been a mudcatter since last Friday, but I came here for reasons related to remembering somebody who has passed (see Lyrics Request thread: Go to sleep my baby). Now I'm not expecting you folks to miss me if I disappeared tomorrow, but I do know that some of my comments, stories and memories of dear family members are already in cyberspace for along time to come. I think I like that idea... |
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28 Feb 01 - 04:40 PM (#408257) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amergin Hey, Tigger, I'd miss ya.....Katdarling, thank you for the offer. I accept.... |
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28 Feb 01 - 05:03 PM (#408278) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing You've got it, Amergin. Will PM you with the rest of my contact info. I'd miss all of ya! Mortee, you can just bet we'd have a humunguous cyberwake for either of you! Micca, your words are just beautiful. Thanks, Tiggerdooley...I was hoping people wouldn't think I was being too morbid.:-) Wesley? We are going to have to have a heavy-duty confab with the ol' Cosmic, ya know and just tell them to hold off on anymore right now! Sheesh! I am very sorry to hear about your mom. Mine has been gone two years now and I still miss her. If there is anything I can do to help, talk, etc., please let me know. Losing a parent is not easy, losing a parent and a child is more than anyone should have to endure. My heart goes out to you and your family... luvya'llkat |
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28 Feb 01 - 05:25 PM (#408293) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Wesley S Kat - I doubt that you're old enough to remember the guy in Lil Abner that walked around with the raincloud over his head but I'm begining to relate to how he feels. I'm not quite up to Job's level yet but I'll just try to laugh my way through all of this. Thanks - Wesley |
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28 Feb 01 - 05:33 PM (#408301) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Helen Talking of Mudcat icons: Whatever happened to Shula? Helen |
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28 Feb 01 - 05:34 PM (#408302) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amergin Just remember that you are in our thoughts, Wes.... |
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28 Feb 01 - 07:06 PM (#408375) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Helen, last posting I see for her was June '99 when she said things were going alright, in response to Bert's asking. I wonder if anyone has been in touch with her? I didn't know her well, but she certainly seemed like a very special Mudcatter. I am sorry I missed out on much of her activity here. There are others I wonder about, too. |
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28 Feb 01 - 07:20 PM (#408383) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Little Neophyte Well I figure if I kick the bucket, then my sister Sherry will give Rick & Heather a call. Being that I am going to leave Rick in my Will then Sherry better give the Fieldings a call. Then Rick will let you guys know after he stops sobbing over the loss of me. And then all you guys will start sobbing and I will hover around above feeling so loved & wanted. That is how I see it. Bonnie |
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28 Feb 01 - 07:25 PM (#408387) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amergin You're already loved and wanted BonnieBanjoPhyte.... |
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28 Feb 01 - 07:33 PM (#408396) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Little Neophyte Why thanks Amergin, my psychiatrist keeps trying to tell me the same thing. BoniPhyte |
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28 Feb 01 - 09:51 PM (#408478) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Lonesome EJ February Poem
Perhaps it is the long-lingering winter
But it is February |
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28 Feb 01 - 11:26 PM (#408544) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing WOW!!! Beautiful, LeeJ!! Thanks for posting it, esp. to this thread!! luvyakat |
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01 Mar 01 - 12:25 AM (#408590) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: wysiwyg sigh.... So many people to be madly in love with, so little time! (So many spouses!) ~Da Flooz |
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01 Mar 01 - 12:30 AM (#408593) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amergin Well, BonnieBanjoPhyte....when are you going to start believing it? |
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01 Mar 01 - 01:45 AM (#408621) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Rick Fielding Bonnie, are you leaving "little ricky" the solitary fishy to me in your will? Rick |
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01 Mar 01 - 08:12 AM (#408700) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Little Neophyte When I pass away I think Little Ricky should be buried along with me like those Pharos who loaded their tombs with significant others. I am going to have my cleaning lady, massage therapist and psychiatrist buried along with me. :)Actually, I figure I would like to set up a Miss Metronome Student Fund that goes to help pay for music instruction from Rick Fielding. It would be for those people who could not afford music lessons otherwise.Bonnie
fixed html |
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01 Mar 01 - 08:15 AM (#408701) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Little Neophyte Oooops, I forgot that closing HTML command. Didn't mean to put my last statement in neon lights. Those kind of thoughts are supposed to be subtle. Oh well, what can you do. Bon |
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01 Mar 01 - 09:17 AM (#408735) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing That is a wonderful thought, Bonnie! |
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01 Mar 01 - 11:37 AM (#408802) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Night Owl So much talent with words LEJ..thanks for posting...it's wonderful!! |
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01 Mar 01 - 03:07 PM (#408947) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: CamiSu I must admit I have had thoughts about this, though more about that I would let everyone know if something ever happened to Jessica. I really didn't think much that I'd be missed here until I got a pm from Mary asking where I was... but I'm sure Jessica would let you know if something happened to me as well. I do care about you all, even if I often don't know what to say, particularly if everyone else has already said it better. Shy sometimes. Wesley, my heart is with you, too. I still miss my dad terribly and it has been over 8 years. Hell, I miss my father-in-law badly as well, and that's been almost 23 years. It never goes completely away. CamiSu |
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01 Mar 01 - 05:04 PM (#409011) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Jim Krause Kat, Do you have a Mudder friend or family member who accepts the charge to post about you should that occur? The answer to your question from this quarter is No. I still have mixed feelings about all this cyber stuff. In some way that I can't find words to describe, it still feels all so anonymous. Oh sure, anyone can look up the stats on anyone else using the Resources page. But what is that? Just stuff we choose to let strangers know about ourselves. So why do I bother to hang out here, then? It's a nice break from songwriting, or working on webpages. Call it loafing, because it is. |
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01 Mar 01 - 05:14 PM (#409022) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Well, Jim, I appreciate your honesty and you bet I do! My SO and my youngest daughter, whom I live with, are both very familiar with the Mudcat and have spoken to several Mudders whom I know they would contact. In fact, I gave them instructions as to such a long time ago. It didn't just hinge on meeting Catters face-to-face for me, although it helped and was a terrific experience, but maybe that is what would make it more real for you, Jim, assuming you want that? Sorry, I cannot remember where you are located and if that is possible. At any rate, glad to have you around, regardless. kat |
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01 Mar 01 - 05:31 PM (#409039) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Jim Krause Kat, I live in Lawrence, KS. And yes, having something of a face-to-face meeting with folks gives me a sense of greater realism. Although posting to the Mudcat isn't a whole lot different that when I was a kid and heard stories about other kids who had penpals in Skagway. Jim |
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18 May 02 - 08:54 PM (#713178) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amergin refreshing for katdarling |
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18 May 02 - 09:53 PM (#713196) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Celtic Soul You can be assured that if anything happened to CarolC, you would all be made aware. I know she's been here a long time, and has many many friends, and I would see to it that you were informed. This thread did give me great pause, and not just because it's an issue of examining ones own mortality, but because it examines what others might want/think/feel about ones passing as well. I had an acquaintance a long time ago. He was a very decent person, but he was a bit of a downer at times, though liked well enough when he was being chipper. Many times, folks would make excuses for not hanging out with him when he was acting depressed. Or, they simply didn't think about him at all. He hung himself. What really opened my eyes was the change in folks after his death (myself included). Suddenly, out of the woodwork we were all crying for his loss. But more, we had a great deal nice to say about him. And the things we found to say were all true. Things I am sure would have meant a lot to him when he was alive. Things I believe we all felt a great deal of remorse in having not said to him when he was there to hear. We all wished we had known he was so depressed so that we could have done something about it. I don't think any of us were being hypocritical. I think we meant it, but failed to realize it when he was still alive. In his case, it was by his own hand, but we can all be gone tomorrow with less warning even than his friends and family had with him. And even in the best of relationships where you don't really think there is anything left unsaid, there still seem to be regrets after the person is no longer there. "Why didn't I tell her I love her the last time I talked on the phone with her? All I said was "catch ya later!". "Why didn't I tell him more often how proud I was of him and for him?" "Why didn't I make more time for her?" There really is no going back. Rather than leave a note for people after you're gone...at a time when the remorse sets in for what they were unable to say back to your words, why not say it now, while those you care for and those who care for you are still around to know that, for certain, there is no unfinished business? That for certain, no one thinks "I wish I could have just told him/her (blank) before he/she was gone. That way, all there is left to say when one is gone is "I've passed...I'll miss you". And all that's left for those you leave behind to say is "We'll miss you too." Time for me to follow my own advice... |
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18 May 02 - 10:07 PM (#713204) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amos CS: You're right on the money, ma'am! We who rode the population curve known as the Baby Boom are especially suited for that advice: let those you appreciate know now, and do it often. Admiration is the most precious gift one being can grant another, and we communicate it far too little. And while I'm at it, let me add that I really admire Kat's thread, and the very human sentimentsa it captures, and CS's wise addition. The thought occurred to me that if I were to pass away suddenly, it might be necessary for the Mudcat to contact my family with the information-- they are used to seeing me in a rigid position in front of the monitor for long periods of time, and wouldn't notice the difference until my Ex-Unit started smelling bad!! LOL "Hi! I'm from the Mudcat!! Your husband's posts are all series of q's and x's and we thought you should perhaps check his pulse...." :>) LOL! A
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18 May 02 - 10:49 PM (#713224) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Thanks, Nathandarlin'...it's getting pretty bad when I cannot even remember the name of one of my own threads! |
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18 May 02 - 10:50 PM (#713225) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Mudlark Wesley, I remember Joe Bzsflqk very well, and am sending you an umbrella of smiles until the cloud finally lifts. Hang in there...
I don't post often so doubt anybody would miss me on Mudcat, but I have left instructions with 3 different friends, also have a copy on my computer desktop. And, since I have very little family, except for a sister I don't have any contact with and a stepdaughter I love dearly I've been working up a will to make as sure as I can that my "estate," such as it is, goes where I think best.
I've made sure that friends I'm in contact with continue to want my dogs, and have promised to keep them together. I care about what happens to them a million times more than any "thing" I own.
Thanks for starting this thread, Kat.I don't think it morbid at all. My husband died quite unexpectedly in his sleep, which has made me think about this sort of thing a lot over the past year. It's a great idea to not only pass along "things" but words of love and appreciation. I, too, give them freely while alive, but it doesn't hurt to say it one last time as well. One thing, tho....I'm taking my Martin WITH me! |
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19 May 02 - 03:16 AM (#713295) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Jeanie Love and a Hug to you, Mudlark. I went on a course last year, where we were encouraged to complete any "unfinished business" - as a result of which I wrote a letter to my parents, saying all the things I'd never said. I had to write it : I could never have spoken it, my words would have been too incoherent with tears. (As it was, the pages were splashed a bit). My dad died three months later, and I am so glad I had sent that letter. So, I would urge everyone: say it now, do it now. Amos - I'm going to show your post to my daughter (when she gets up - I go online in secret when she's asleep, so as not to get told off !) - she'll appreciate it !! Isn't it good when old threads like this get revived ? I've only been on Mudcat for about a year, and would never have seen this - would have missed that beautiful poem by EJ. (Do look at it, it's higher up the list somewhere). So...in the spirit of this thread: Love and Thanks to ALL of you on Mudcat. (No, I'm not planning on disappearing anywhere..) - jeanie |
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19 May 02 - 12:30 PM (#713483) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amergin well..truth be told, katdarling....I have been thinking on this thread a bit myself lately...can blame it on Sharon's story... |
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19 May 02 - 12:35 PM (#713492) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Liz the Squeak Funny reading the posts of a year back and seeing how much has changed since then..... and not for the better either. So much for promises. LTS |
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19 May 02 - 12:45 PM (#713505) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Steve in Idaho Odd thread - and I'm going to creep a bit. Living on a working ranch really keeps us in tune with how fragile life is. I have to have my old saddle mare shot tomorrow. Her kidneys gave out on her and she's in a bit of pain. I'm just grateful for the friends I have as I don't have to pull the trigger. I think I could but Ms. J won't let me - she says I've killed enough in my life.
Sorry for the creep - and Ms. J will let you all know when my turn comes to explore the other side.
Steve |
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19 May 02 - 03:13 PM (#713618) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Mudlark Thanks, Jeanie for the love and hug...a great thing to read, first thing in the morning!
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20 May 02 - 12:30 AM (#713758) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amos "Bring down the walls, and bring in the river", saith the Bard. ML, I think you hit the bull's eye again; we take up residence in the Collegiate Eiditon of Webster's. and lose all contact with the heartbeats in the world. Primary sin, IMHO -- to stop the ears from hearing the realities singing around us. A |
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20 May 02 - 03:16 AM (#713775) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Bert ...Give them freely while alive,... Good point! Here goes. I love the whole damn silly lot of you! Bert |
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15 Oct 02 - 04:03 AM (#803339) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull refresh |
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15 Oct 02 - 08:38 PM (#803983) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: mack/misophist I have attended the deaths of far too many creatures. Some want all the company and re-assurance possible, some turn their backs on the world, and some retreat from it. All are natural. |
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15 Oct 02 - 11:44 PM (#804083) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Rick Fielding Hmmm, interesting thread. I'd forgotten about it entirely. So back when this was started I had no idea that I'd soon be faced with EXACTLY what this discussion is all about. When I was diagnosed with kidney cancer in May of this year, I really didn't know WHAT to tell anyone, let alone the good friends I'd made at Mudcat. I wasn't actually being TREATED for anything....I was just waiting for an available operating date for something that I was told would be VERY risky...not just the removal of a kidney, but trying to stop things from spreading. I continued to post in my normal 'tongue in cheek' way, and only told a couple of folks that I was feeling 'a bit under the weather'. Same thing in real life. Only Heather and her sister knew how grave the situation was. My feeling was that telling folks the extent of my illness would have been a colossal downer, and no matter WHAT the outcome, would have changed the nature of all my relationships forever. I chose to be as cheerful as my situation allowed, and I got lucky in that I had a superb surgeon and the operation date came through in time (I'm fine now), but I WAS getting to the point where I was going to write a 'farewell' to my fellow Mudcatters, and a separate one that would have gone on my website. Guess I would have made quite a few phone calls as well....and tried to keep them as "up" as possible. I look at the situation now, and I don't see it as morbid....just a part of the process.....but BOY!! Am I glad I didn't HAVE to write that final post!! Ha Ha! Cheers, and good thread kat. Rick |
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16 Oct 02 - 12:16 AM (#804106) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Thanks, I'd forgotten about this thread, too! |
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16 Oct 02 - 12:42 AM (#804120) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Marion I used to take lessons from Rick; one day this spring Heather called to cancel, saying that Rick had to go get a pain in his side checked out. Next time I saw him, I said, "Did you get yourself sorted out?". He pauses and says, "Yeah, pretty much." Geez! As for myself...I'm not sick or old so if I died it would probably be sudden, so no time to go through a process. Maybe my Mom would think to call Willie-O, or maybe he'd see it in the paper, but I guess there's no other likely way that Mudcat would know. Marion |
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16 Oct 02 - 01:17 AM (#804137) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Liz the Squeak Somehow I posted a negative feeling here... Blame it on the depression... although there have been a lot of changes this year, and yes, some of them were pretty drastic and not exactly sensible, but things are looking brighter - at least all my marbles are in the same container now! The thing is, it's not a depressing thread, more a celebratory one, especially Ricks' last postings... I'm sure there are many here who thought he might not post again, including him! It would do people good to read this thread over again. Or better still, print out bits of it and stick it up around their lives. LTS |
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16 Oct 02 - 10:20 PM (#805010) Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: MAG My sister has instructions to notify everyone in my flip file -- adding M for Mudcat.org, please post in forum seems easy enough. Mind you, my family is long lived and you're going to have me around for a very long time. -- MA |