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02 Mar 01 - 07:05 PM (#409892) Subject: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: katlaughing From a Mudcat friend, who found it on the 'Net: Kilt Ettiquette Those who plan to wear the kilt should recognize that a kilted man inevitably attracts admiring spectators drawn like moths to the flame, or termites to a caber. These admirers, who are often given to calling out such endearments as "Kiltie, kiltie, cauld bum, cannae keep a warm one!" or "Donald! where's your troosers?" see a kilted Scot as an adventurer who walks the thin line between Presbyterian and prurient, between bard and barbarian, between tradition and tramp. These admirers hope to glimpse, even fleetingly, that element which separates our kilted clansmen from troosered trash. However, to avoid inadvertently offending the delicate sensibilities of spectators (and some are more delicate than others), men should observe the following rules of kilt etiquette: 1. Walk, do not run, when departing trains, making for supermarket blue-light specials, and responding to last call in the pubs. If you must walk quickly, then keep both hands on your sporran. If your sporran is up around your neck, you're walking much too fast. 2. Do not go upstairs, especially in a double-decker bus, lighthouses, or monuments. Likewise, you should avoid open balconies and glass fronted elevators. Neither should you go downstairs; if you find yourself upstairs, then wait until all spectators have left the premises before you descend. 3. Do not stoop, crouch, or squat to pick up anything from the floor, have a friend to pick up the object for you. If your friends will not oblige, kick the object to a secluded place before you retrieve it. If you have no friends, then stooping, crouching or squatting in a kilt may only worsen your lonely condition. 4. Do not wear shiny new shoes. Dull them a little (perhaps with mud or mince) or wear spats and establish your credentials as the fashion trend setter that you are. 5. Do not stand at the edge of reflective pools, unrippled ponds, or mirror-like puddles. On those formal events where you must wear silver buckles on your shoes, do not stand still for longer than five seconds at a time. Dance instead. 6. Dance nothing more boisterous that a slow waltz. Reserve wild reels, jigs, and flings for family gatherings where your identity requires no further elaboration, or for those occasions when your anonymity is assured. Limbo dancing in a kilt at any time definitely breaches kilt etiquette. 7. Respond only with an enigmatic smile to any questions about what is worn under your kilt. Avoid responding with the tired clichT "Nothing is worn under my kilt, everything is in fine working order." Similarly, do not offer anydemonstrations of what is worn under your kilt; an offer such as "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" can be misconstrued as the opening salvo in an ever escalating series of challenges and exhibitions which might be illegal in public places, even between consenting adults. 8. Shaving of one's legs is unnecessary. However, hirsute highlanders who elect to wax the hair from their legs should wax the whole leg and not just the knee area displayed between kilt and hose. Such false economies only contributeto the myth of the cheap Scot. Also, it is considered in poor taste to suggest private viewings of your "kilt-line" 9. Do not sit with one leg crossed over the other. This position requires you to un-cross your legs later, a tricky maneuver mastered by only a select few after years of training. Always sit with your knees no more than six inches apart, thus creating enough shadow for mystery and discretion. Avoid soft recliners, swings or rocking chairs where the sitter's knees may move above shoulder level. 10. Be sure of the context of the conversation before making comments about global warming, air conditioning, or the ozone layer; none of these topics necessarily pertains to the creature comforts of a kiltie. You should also note that, regardless of their ambiguous titles, films such as "The Naked Gun", "The Untouchables" and "The Full Monty" do not address any issues related to the wearing of the kilt. Observance of these simple guidelines allows one to wear the kilt with panache and ensures your own confident decorum, all while providing your adoring audience with a stirring but not unsettling spectacle. |
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02 Mar 01 - 07:22 PM (#409899) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: Sorcha OH Gawds, kat that is supercalifragilisticexpealidocious!! (for the faint of heart, wear bike shorts.....) |
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02 Mar 01 - 08:14 PM (#409916) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: little john cameron Dinnae bother wi aw that stuff,jist barrel aboot as usual.Wha cares if yer faimly jools get an airin?Ah jist wander aboot lookin nonchalant an relax wi mah pint an mah feet on the table.It a laugh an a hauf tae watch the weemin,an the odd man,drappin stuff on the flair an pickin it up.Keep awa fae sniffin dugs though as that can be a bit dodgy. ljc |
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02 Mar 01 - 09:38 PM (#409957) Subject: Proper Wearing of a SKIRT From: Clinton Hammond Or you could join the modern world, and put on a decent outfit... ;-) |
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02 Mar 01 - 10:13 PM (#409980) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: MMario A few years back we had a "new" kilt-clad participant at our ren-faire. He was a regular - but for Scottish weekend wore a kilt for the first time. As he regularly came around for his drubbing at the pyllow fights, we insisted he continue the tradition on Scottish weekend. The gallery of woman attracted was considerable, waiting for him to go ass over teakettle as was his custom on other weekends. Sad to say for the audience, he did retain an upright position, however *chortle,chortle*- he reckoned without the expertese of our champion pyllow fighters - among whose arsenal was the kilt-upsweep. We had to keep three assistants busy turning children to face away from the ring! And Her Majesty Elizabeth reluctantly requested the match to halt as the Royal Procession of her court ladies went past. |
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02 Mar 01 - 10:39 PM (#410000) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: Mark Cohen This seems like the right place for a rousing rendition of The Scotsman's Kilt. Aloha, Mark |
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03 Mar 01 - 01:56 AM (#410083) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: murray@mpce.mq.edu.au Or as we used to sing as children to the tune of "The Campbels are Coming" Oh what does a Scotsman wear under his kilt? Wang, Wang. Sorry--I enjoyed it during my first childhood, I am getting in training for the second. Murray |
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03 Mar 01 - 09:13 AM (#410169) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: Tig Or ask Wullie about Whitby last year !!!!!!! |
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03 Mar 01 - 10:02 AM (#410197) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: Allan C. To the question, "Oh what does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?" an answer was said to be, "I'm a man of few words, gie me yer hand!" |
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03 Mar 01 - 10:33 AM (#410210) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: Jock Morris Beware of midges! From personal experience I know how evil the little B******s can be when wearing a kilt in true style. Scott |
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03 Mar 01 - 10:42 AM (#410214) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: Dave Swan About a dozen men wore kilts to our wedding. One of our favorite photos from the reception shows one of the female guests wearing a wicked grin and a small mirror taped to the top of her shoe. |
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03 Mar 01 - 12:26 PM (#410263) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: GUEST,JTT For some reason this reminds me of my sister's ancient joke about the beatnik who went to a Saville Row tailor:
"Which side do you dress, sir?" |
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03 Mar 01 - 12:31 PM (#410267) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: catspaw49 What El Swanno neglects to mention was that PJ had previously been using the mirror because she was curious as to who the "Best Man" really was! Spaw |
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03 Mar 01 - 12:39 PM (#410272) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: Clinton Hammond in the style of the joks here... What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt? If he's lucky, his wife's lipstick... ;-) |
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03 Mar 01 - 02:01 PM (#410313) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: Homeless Here is a site that almost answers the age old question of what is worn under the kilt. Here is a member of the Black Watch answering the same question, along with a list of answers to give when asked. Here is a simple game based on the above.
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03 Mar 01 - 02:18 PM (#410328) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: Clinton Hammond Hless... that last link is 404 NOT FOUND! ;-)
link has been fixed |
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03 Mar 01 - 03:38 PM (#410372) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: katlaughing Homeless! More great links, thanks very much...I almost feel out of my chair reading some of those replies! kat |
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03 Mar 01 - 04:02 PM (#410386) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: Dunc From personal experience it is far more embarressing to get caught wearing something under your kilt than to be found to be wearing nothing under it. |
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03 Mar 01 - 04:22 PM (#410400) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: Murray MacLeod Some consideration should also be given to the quality of the sporran. There is nothing tackier than wearing a cheap little leather pouch over an expensive kilt. My sporran is made out of a silver fox head (roadkill, I hasten to add). I still shudder to think how much I paid for it, althought the fox probably shuddered even more. Murray |
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03 Mar 01 - 09:12 PM (#410526) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: SINSULL On Hearme a while back someone sang the song about a Scotsman on the night before his wedding. His mother has made him a kilt, way too big. Cuts nine yards off as a scarf for his bride. He runs to his bride's home to show off his kilt, losing it in his haste and shows up stark naked at her door exclaiming "This is nothing. There are nine yards more for you at home!" Anyone know the song? |
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03 Mar 01 - 09:38 PM (#410534) Subject: RE: BS: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: katlaughing 'Spose that's why we talk about the "whole nine yards?" "So, ye daft mon, gae ye back and brang it tae me, noo, the whole nine yards!" LOL I remember someone singing it, too, Sins. Maybe if you check all of the HearMe threads someone might've posted the name of it, as we used to post what we sang? kat |
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26 Apr 05 - 11:50 AM (#1471284) Subject: RE: Folklore: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: GUEST how do u dress in a kilt the right way if u have never had 1 on before |
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26 Apr 05 - 11:56 AM (#1471290) Subject: RE: Folklore: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: GUEST,MMario well - better late then never - Sinsull it was probably me who sang "Angus and the kilt" - a lively little ditty written by Lolly Foy. |
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26 Apr 05 - 12:14 PM (#1471310) Subject: RE: Folklore: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em S From: Bunnahabhain Sinsull, yes I vaugely know it. It's in digitrad. I'll try and find a more usefull answer. Bunnhabhain |
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26 Apr 05 - 12:20 PM (#1471316) Subject: RE: Folklore: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: GUEST Angus and the Kilt. Written by Lolly foy |
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27 Apr 05 - 03:41 AM (#1472041) Subject: RE: Folklore: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: Big Al Whittle Imagine that, a fox's head on your sporran. I suppose if you wanted you could have a wildebeeste, or an elephants head , or a rhinoceros's hed, or tail (tasteful replicas of course)- or ........ |
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27 Apr 05 - 09:56 AM (#1472312) Subject: RE: Folklore: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em S From: Bunnahabhain Up here, the Works (publishers outlet type store) sell imitation sheep/Hielan' coo head sporrans, wich emit a moo/baa if you squeeze the nose. They do tend to get played with... |
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27 Apr 05 - 11:44 AM (#1472416) Subject: RE: Folklore: Proper Wearing of a Kilt - Let 'em Swing From: Big Al Whittle its odd you never see them down here - if you see anybody in a kilt, the sporran usually has three boring little tassles. highland cattle, foxes heads......thats a bit more like it, very exciting. there is obviously room for innovation in the sporran wearing community |