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23 Mar 01 - 02:50 PM (#424371) Subject: Foot and Mouth Solution? From: Morticia 10 Downing Street For immediate release: 22/03 'EVERYONE' TO BE SLAUGHTERED In a precautionary measure the Government has decided that in order to safeguard the future of British farming, everyone in the United Kingdom should be destroyed. This policy was agreed by the Prime Minister late last night at a secret policy meeting in Gloucester in front of 500 angry farmers bearing lit torches and waving pitchforks. It was explained to the PM by his Agricultural Minister, Mr Nick Brown that, far from being their own fault, as simple country-dwelling folk, farmers could not be expected to deal with "citified new-fangled nonsense" such as "insurance" and "vaccinations". Mr Blair has concluded that the only sure-fire way of protecting farmers to ensure that all living things within a hundred mile radius of the British coast line are immediately exterminated. The army and police have been called in, and the slaughter of men, women and children is due to begin at midnight. It is expected that within days, mass burning of villages will commence, with all people in Cheshire due for destruction a week Tuesday. Television companies are reported to be overjoyed at this news. Channel 4 is already planning a themed game show "Big Barbecue" where the public will ring in and vote on which part of the country is to be incinerated first, and ITV will be showing 24 hour coverage, hosted by Trevor McDonald and Des Lynam, who will be ceremonially torched at the conclusion of the operation. Farming expert Dr Hugo Z. Hackenbush commented that these measures were 'a proportionate and measured response to the crisis - the Government's proposal is entirely understandable, I fully support them,' he said as he booked his flight to New Zealand. It is expected that within two weeks of this policy being carried out foot and mouth disease will entirely eradicated from the United Kingdom. The Prime Minister's Press Secretary said that the plan was unlikely to affect the date of the General Election. |
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23 Mar 01 - 03:25 PM (#424404) Subject: RE: BS: Foot and Mouth Solution? From: Mrs.Duck Almost too plausible, Morty! |
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23 Mar 01 - 05:45 PM (#424515) Subject: RE: BS: Foot and Mouth Solution? From: Liz the Squeak I have a selection for the top of the list.... And for you Statesiders with more road than coast, you can never be more than 76 miles from the sea in UK..... LTS |
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23 Mar 01 - 05:48 PM (#424518) Subject: RE: BS: Foot and Mouth Solution? From: Bert Yeah! Scary isn't it Mrs D. |
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23 Mar 01 - 07:38 PM (#424626) Subject: RE: BS: Foot and Mouth Solution? From: Hawker It made me smile, but in all honesty, it is moving closer and closer to our village, and many of my freinds farms are now in the 3km catchment and will have well livestock slaughtered - to them they might as well go up with their livestock, there is NOTHING left! Last year we lost 3 farmers in this area to suicide, and that was before the F & M epidemic, I hate to think what effect this affliction will have on our community, The smell of the pyres could be smelt this week, it makes you feel sick to the pit of your stomach! Directive should be to burn the government or at least if proposed directive from MORTY were to be real, it should be a gameshow where we can watch the bad guys burn first! Lucy |