|
24 Apr 01 - 06:19 PM (#448480) Subject: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Zebedee I'm about to take the big plunge and move in with my girlfriend. There are of course obvious advantages (such as seeing her knickers every day) but I do worry. I won't ever be able to turn her off, or tell her that I'm going home when I've had enough. Any advice? Ed |
|
24 Apr 01 - 06:25 PM (#448486) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: DougR Yeah, if you're going into it with that attitude, don't do it! It won't be worth it just to see her in her knickers every day. You asked. :>) DougR |
|
24 Apr 01 - 06:32 PM (#448493) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Max When you love someone, you love them crust and all. Personally, I wouldn't move in with someone until the love is real and mutual. |
|
24 Apr 01 - 06:33 PM (#448494) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Zebedee Define 'real' |
|
24 Apr 01 - 06:35 PM (#448495) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Matt_R That's one piss-poor attitude. You have to treat each moment with her as a precious little miracle. Us men are a pretty bad lot (lol!), so it is a beautiful thing to have a woman love you. Do not neglect that love, ever. |
|
24 Apr 01 - 06:37 PM (#448497) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Liz the Squeak Hey, we have to look at your underpants every day, that isn't always a pleasure..... (after 10 years married, I know what I'm talking about.....) but if she is willing to take that on, then you need to be able to compromise - remember she can't turn you off or say she's going home either.... and despite rumours to the contrary, we are human, we respond to that strange form of communication called talking..... *BG* - but seriously.... LTS a girl.. Never put men only on a thread. It just makes us curious. You could be talking about us.... |
|
24 Apr 01 - 06:42 PM (#448503) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Zebedee Liz, The 'men only' was my best attempt at attracting women... Ed |
|
24 Apr 01 - 06:48 PM (#448515) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Liz the Squeak Didn't work did it, you got me!! LTS : ) |
|
24 Apr 01 - 06:49 PM (#448517) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Shamrock Maybe I am reading too much into your brief message but I think that YES you want to live with her on neutral territory BUT moving into her place is like surrendering to an enemy. That will be $60, you can fix up with my receptionist on the way out. |
|
24 Apr 01 - 06:56 PM (#448526) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Chris What does your secretary look like ?? |
|
24 Apr 01 - 06:57 PM (#448528) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Amergin Attila the Hun..... |
|
24 Apr 01 - 06:58 PM (#448529) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: CarolC Matt R, you are very wise for one of so few years. And I think women would be wise to heed your words as well as men. None of us should ever take the ones we care about for granted. |
|
24 Apr 01 - 07:09 PM (#448535) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: catspaw49 I think you need to wait or actually are in love in the best sense of that word. Where you seem to be now is frankly just courting disaster. Spaw |
|
24 Apr 01 - 07:13 PM (#448539) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Bert When the time is right, you won't have to ask, you'll know it's right.
|
|
24 Apr 01 - 07:15 PM (#448544) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Justa Picker Learn to put the toilet seat down, when you're finished (and wipe up if necessary - not something you might have to be aware of till middle age); Let her sleep in on weekends and have coffee (non-instant) ready for her when she wakes up; shower daily (unless she loves your "scent"); Keep your finances separate; Buy whatever instruments you've always wanted - NOW! |
|
24 Apr 01 - 07:18 PM (#448545) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Zebedee Spaw, You're probably right. However two thoughts spring to mind: 1. I expect that I'll always feel this way, and unless I make a commitment one day, then I'll have a very lonely life. 2. I love her very much. I do however need a house where I can be on my own sometimes. And I think I've found one! Ed |
|
24 Apr 01 - 07:18 PM (#448546) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: vindelis Advice? Dont't get married - it's cheaper to borrow. Seriously though - at the end of the day it all comes down to LOVE and RESPECT. If you have that for one another you will go far. (Oh and as an 'Uncle' of mine once advised his new son-in-law "don't forget those two magic words 'yes dear.'" ( As LTS I'm also from 'Venus'). |
|
24 Apr 01 - 07:47 PM (#448575) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Homeless Zebedee - (said very emphatically) regarding your #1 above - don't fall into that trap. I thought the same exact thing, but got married thinking, "Maybe I'll grow into the relationship." After nine years of fights, two jail terms, a 4 year stretch of unemployment, and living in the streets for 5 years, I finally realized that marriage isn't a good thing for someone who's not ready for it. You need to know you are ready to commit, before you do. Don't do it anyway thinking you may grow into it. There are things worse than being lonely. |
|
24 Apr 01 - 07:50 PM (#448579) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Little Neophyte Zebedee, I tend to agree with Catspaw. You say you 'love her very much' yet you start this thread off with a posting that gives an impression that you have not really discovered what loving another person is all about. If you believe those words you wrote.... 'I expect that I will always feel this way, and unless I make a commitment one day, then I'll have a very lonely life', That to me is a pretty self-absorbed way of going about making a major decision to move in with someone you say you really do love very much. Everyone needs time alone. If you both love each other, you will be sensitive to each other's need for space and time alone. To me it sounds like you are going about this decision full of fear. Just be aware of that. To be fearful of a major decision like this, 'one foot in, one foot out', is not the best way to move in with someone who you feel you truly do love. Approaching this decision the way you appear to be approaching it may make you feel safe, but it will also limit the depth of intimacy you will be able to discover within your relationship with your girlfriend & yourself. Little Neo
|
|
24 Apr 01 - 07:57 PM (#448585) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Mr Red GBS & Lerner & Lowe said between 'em. "how to handle a woman" ....... "is to love her" So simple innit? er ... NO been there done that. There's definitely a knack to it. Danged if I know what it is. |
|
24 Apr 01 - 07:58 PM (#448588) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Jeri Sounds to me like you do love her, but you're just a bit scared. People madly in love would think nothing of moving in together, and not forsee any problems because the world is all perfect and warm and misty, and little hearts float around in the air. People who've known each other a bit longer may be more practical - doesn't mean there's any less love. I'll echo what LTS said - TALK! It would be a good idea to do so before you moved in. Just let her know that you need some time on your own - it's just the way you are. Don't save up your concerns until they turn into frustration and anger. |
|
24 Apr 01 - 08:10 PM (#448600) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Karen Wow! Talk about mixed messages! In your first post you're worries are "I won't ever be able to turn her off". In your second post you say "I love her very much". Why would you want to "turn off" someone you "love very much"? I'm not doubting what you say are your feelings for your girlfriend but I do feel YOU are doubting your feelings for your girlfriend. Yes, everyone needs their own space and as Little Neo wrote "If you both love each other, you will be sensitive to each other's need for space and time alone." (BTW: nicely said, Little Neo!). I'm guessing though there's more to it here (as many have already noted). Does she do something that annoys you? Is she clingy? Is she an inane chatterer? Does she expect you to spend all your free time with her? You need to figure out if you just want time alone or if you want time away from her. That's important! |
|
24 Apr 01 - 08:12 PM (#448602) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: kendall Some excellent advice. Especially from Jeri. Also from Little Neophyte and Doug. My advice, communicate. By that I dont mean just waiting for her to inhale so you can tell her off. Listen. Really listen, and turn the goddamn football game off while you are doing it. Make sure you both agree that each needs alone time, and, that that privacy is to be honored. If she runs into the bathroom to cry, dont kick the door down. Wait for her to come out (saying you are sorry for the upset will often do it) then hold her and tell her you love her. Come to think of it, why the hell am I still single? |
|
24 Apr 01 - 08:21 PM (#448608) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: MarkS Unless you KNOW that it is right without reservation, it isn't. If you THINK that it is right, but still think you need your own space, it isn't. Unless both of you know that it is right, don't do it, because just getting a roommate will be emotionally devistating for both of you. That being said, use your head and we wish you well! Mark |
|
24 Apr 01 - 08:29 PM (#448615) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: MarkS Oh, and if you want to keep this thread going, stop back from time to time and describe her knickers. After all, you did describe it as a mans thread! Well somebody had to make a chauvanist, sexist wisecrack, no? |
|
24 Apr 01 - 09:09 PM (#448638) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: SINSULL Serve you right if they are cotton Lollipops! Then again, that and knee socks are all it takes to get Spaw off and running. Anyway...Zeb - love her enough to talk about your need for space. We women love meaningful conversations. In my whole life I have never known anything "without reservation". That would take all the fun out of it. Work together on making it work. Grow together or grow apart. Those are my platitudes for today! |
|
24 Apr 01 - 09:25 PM (#448644) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Helen Zebedee, I can relate to your need to know that you will have some personal space. Hubby and I are mid-40's and only got married a couple of years ago. Both of us have been mostly single for the major part of our lives, before that, so we have built up our own ways of living. I was very concerned that both of us would have trouble adjusting to living in the same house, but we respect each other's needs for time to ourselves, and we communicate pretty well. Yesterday, by sheer Mudcat coincidence, there was a topic on the radio about a recent men's conference in South Australia. The topic they were discussing on the radio was that, to put it in Ozspeak, "every bloke needs a shed", i.e. men need a place to potter about, do what they want, on their own or with their mates. The thing that made me laugh knowingly was a listener who phoned in and said that the first thing he did when he moved to a new house was to build a shed/garage. That's the first thing that hubby did when he moved in here. Now he has a 2 storey playhouse which he spends a lot of his spare time in. He also uses it for card nights with his mates. He has to set up his workbench, but he does his computer fixing upstairs for himself and his friends, so it's his haven. On the topic of garages, as well, there has been an ad on tv here where a man is fixing up engines on the kitchen table and his wife is ringing around garage building companies. The punch line is that *she* ends up sitting in the garage, all nicely set up, watching tv and being as happy as a pig in mud, while hubby's space is still the kitchen table. So, my advice is: get a shed, or your own space, figure out a workable arrangement between you to respect each other's need for space, and just do it. All of the reservations still apply though. I've moved in too quickly with people and regretted it totally and very soon, too. Make sure that this lady is truly the one you want to be with. Don't make the decision based on anything other than knowing, without doubt, that she is the one you want to spend your life with. I was 42 when I found my hubby and we both knew within a very short time that this was *it*. If this isn't it for you don't pretend that it is - that's the worst mistake I ever made in my life, before I met him. And moving in with the wrong person doesn't get better, it just gets worse and worse, and more difficult to get out of withouth both being wounded. Sorry for the long rant, Helen |
|
24 Apr 01 - 09:40 PM (#448652) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,_gargoyle Look, it ain't like you're marrying the chick.
If it works out GRAND....if not... then move on.
Woman are monogomists
(Stolen/memorized 35 years ago...source forgotten)
|
|
24 Apr 01 - 09:45 PM (#448658) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,_gargoyle Do you need ANY MORE insight into whiles of the female mind...than the above thread clearly labeled MALE?????
Pandora, Pandora, Pandora
|
|
24 Apr 01 - 09:47 PM (#448660) Subject: ed: give us a break, don't do it. From: cait ah geez. i can't... homeless, you sound like a few blues tunes i've heard...lessee: 'my woman up and left me and i can't figure why (leaves out part about drinking, drugging and being an immature asshole) now i'm so broken hearted i may just lay down and die...' marriage did all that to you? or did you do all that to a marriage? piffle. you guys should marry each other, there's misery keeping company. huh. *caiti* |
|
24 Apr 01 - 09:51 PM (#448662) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Matt_R Ouch. |
|
24 Apr 01 - 10:06 PM (#448676) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Amos Hey dude -- Bear in mind you are proposing a long term (relatively) engagement in mutual creation. So I suggest you learn as quick as you can what different attitudes, styles, methods and semantics of communication mean when they are received by this lucky lady, and make damn sure you take that into account when you feel like induling your bottomless selfhood. 'Cuz iffen you don't, you'll be limper than a wet biscuit and sadder than a dry goldfish promptly. This isn't aboiut a "me" and a "her". If you can't shift over far enough to start designing and energizing an "us", I suggest you retreat now while your head is still attached. Suffer the loneliness until you learn the remedies there unto which work. Regards, A |
|
24 Apr 01 - 10:40 PM (#448689) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Noreen Caiti, I read Homeless' post as him realising that he'd got it wrong- not that he was blaming anyone else... just sadder and wiser. Re Ed's original question- I don't know the answer (even if I had been invited, as a mere female, to contribute..) :0) Noreen |
|
24 Apr 01 - 10:50 PM (#448693) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,#1 To make them behave use a coping saw. |
|
24 Apr 01 - 11:09 PM (#448702) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: CarolC Do you need ANY MORE insight into whiles of the female mind...than the above thread clearly labeled MALE????? --GUEST_gargoyle Hey GUEST_gargoyle... The thread is titled "A male thread". Not "A thread for males". So being the lovers of men that many of us females are, we naturally flocked to it. Can you blame us? |
|
25 Apr 01 - 01:08 AM (#448758) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Peg I understand the "needing alone time" thing; honestly. I am not married and never have been but I do know if ever it is to happen I will need some space of my own and I will also probably occasionally wanna go off travelling by myself, too... I am just saying I support that bit...because I think many couples tend to think that unless they are CLOSE all the time and do everything together there must be something wrong... I think after a time this sort of thing can be deadly to a relationship; for me, anyway. Everyone is different and some couples do just fine being in each others' space all the time... Guess that is why I am alone. I am also not afrid to be lonely. And I think it is fear of loneliness that causes MANY people to stay in relationships in which they are not happy...
|
|
25 Apr 01 - 04:43 AM (#448783) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Ella who is Sooze I agree with LIz.... and the pants thing! We got to look at your pants... which isn't always nice.. And yes... don't put male only... gets us curious! :) E |
|
25 Apr 01 - 05:40 AM (#448799) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: bbc There are worse things than being alone. Unless you can become content being alone, you're not ready to be a good partner. And unless you are looking to see what you can *give* in a relationship, rather than what you can *get*, neither of you is likely to be happy, long-term. If you just want sex, pick somebody up at a party! bbc |
|
25 Apr 01 - 06:04 AM (#448810) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Grab You'll be lonelier in a relationship you don't want than in no relationship at all. Got a couple of female friends (one moved in with her boyfriend, one got married) who wanted to live with someone bcos they didn't like being on their own. Neither relationship worked, and both women are still sorting their lives out - one with the millstone of a mortgage she can't afford to pay and negative equity so she can't sell. If you move in together bcos you love the person, and moving in is preparatory to a long-term relationship and marriage, that'll work. If you're just moving in together as something to stop you both being on your own, it'll never work. "Had enough" is an interesting choice of words. If you both argue/fight now, moving in together is NOT a good choice! One thing you'll both need to get, though, is that it isn't necessary to do everything together - if you like going out to live music and she doesn't, there's nothing wrong in you going on your own. Graham. |
|
25 Apr 01 - 06:32 AM (#448815) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: KingBrilliant Everyones' relationships are different. If it suits you both then thats fine - you don't need to conform to everyone elses idea of perfect love. If you have reservations then just make sure you each have an escape route if it turns out not to work. If you need personal space then make sure that's OK by both of you and it shouldn't be a problem. Make sure the space is available. Don't expect perfection - expect to have to work at things a bit & expect some give & take. Don't give up to easily - but be realistic if its not working. If you wait until you're completely sure of things then you might miss out - take a bit of a gamble. Best of luck to you both. Kris |
|
25 Apr 01 - 08:48 AM (#448896) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: LR Mole "Keep warm," the wizard said "Ride close together. "Remember laughter. You'll need it, "Even in the blessed land of ever after." --James Thurber |
|
25 Apr 01 - 09:17 AM (#448925) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: MMario Ed - if I knew the answer I'd probably be in a relationship of my own. I do know I have lost several chances because I was too scared of committment to even TRY to commit - and I kick myself continously because of that. |
|
25 Apr 01 - 09:28 AM (#448932) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: English Jon I think a lot of it is, you don't get to know someone untill you live with them. If it's been going well so far and you want to take the plunge, do it, and good luck. Otherwise, you can either break it off entireley, or keep going as you are. Basically, there's no point asking us. Do what feels right for you. Maybe try talking to your lady about it? how does she feel? I guess everyone sometimes needs a retreat, male or female. Give each other enough space within your relationship, you should be fine. Being in each others pockets all the time might give you problems though. Good luck English Jon |
|
25 Apr 01 - 10:07 AM (#448965) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Fibula Mattock Go on holiday with her first. If you can survive that, it's a nice indicator. Don't you discuss this kind of stuff with her? That's gotta be a necessity - English Jon is right. Good luck! Fib - (female), who conveniently fell in love with her flatmate (male). |
|
25 Apr 01 - 10:15 AM (#448974) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: UB Ed Ed, if you're worried about no longer being able to turn her off. DON'T MOVE IN! Previous comments above reference communication. Absent a relationship where you both want to communicate, you got nothing. You only turn people off you don't care about. I'm assuming you would only want to "turn her off" when you disagree. How then, do you propose to resolve the dispute? IMO, both partners need to commit to communicating lovingly and effectively if any relationship is to work. Regardless of your opinion regarding the merits of her position, it doesn't matter. She is taking that position because she feels its important and its up to you to work to understand why she feels that way (Same goes for her and your feelings). After you've done that, you can then make a determination as to whether its worth it to continue to hang out. Another perspective; people learn how to have relationships and this is part of your learning experience. Hopefully you both love each other and our willing to work hard learning together not to screw it up. If not, then its right to move on and you both learned something to take into the next relationship. Now about those knickers....Got any thong action going? Ed |
|
25 Apr 01 - 10:32 AM (#448994) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Kim C Don't move in together unless you are planning on getting married.
|
|
25 Apr 01 - 10:55 AM (#449010) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,#1 Hey Spaw, isn't it time for you to call someone Obnoxious Assholeagain? Youv'e got both me and gargoyle to choose from this time. That should make your day. |
|
25 Apr 01 - 11:05 AM (#449022) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Karen "It's not what they call you that you should worry about, it's what you answer to." |
|
25 Apr 01 - 11:09 AM (#449029) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: UB Ed Guest 1, would you please be so kind as to take whatever animosity you hold for Spaw to another thread (maybe even start one)? I see nothing Spaw said in this discussion to inspire such a post from you. I respectfully ask you respond to whatever he said in the original forum used. |
|
25 Apr 01 - 11:13 AM (#449032) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,mgarvey@pacifier.com if this is a woman you have to cope with my suggestion would be not only to not move in with her (which is something I can't fathom under almost any circumstances...if you love each other enough get married, if you don't, keep looking) but to set her free and both of you look for someone you can't live without. If there is no such person that you find, well, that happens. But you probably will. mg |
|
25 Apr 01 - 11:42 AM (#449053) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST ...say goodbye to: the bathroom, lounging around in your underwear all day, foul language, The Three Stooges, beer for breakfast, football on Sunday, breaking wind or burping at the table, spitting, picking your nose while watching TV, TV, "your" music ("your" music will be usurped by "her" music), anything at all having to do with erotica or sex, cigars, poker, strip clubs, dirty jokes, sports cars, and all vestiges of behavior even remotely associated with the typical male.... ...say hello to: gardening, leisurewear, Good Housekeeping, Michael Bolton, poodles, the color pink, bowling, tofu, aerobics, Volvos, PMS, "headaches," church, Emily Post, self-help books and instructional videos on home improvement, humor like "Amusing Anecdotes" in Reader's Digest, dieting, Ladies Auxiliary meetings in your living room, movies like "The English Patient," Oprah, "white" sales and shopping. Deny her the satisfaction and castrate yourself now, while you are still able to choose and make your own decisions.
|
|
25 Apr 01 - 11:45 AM (#449058) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Matt_R Well, by GUEST's set standards, I am glad I am not a "typical male". |
|
25 Apr 01 - 11:49 AM (#449067) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Ella who is Sooze Matt... Guest is just trying to bait people with that last one... Don't rise to the bait. It's all a load of twaddle! Not a typical female. puh huh HAH Michael bloomin Bolton..... NEVER>>>>>> I SAY NEVER!!!!! lol... do say YES to mad week long chocolate cravings tho! Don't take the bait Matt! |
|
25 Apr 01 - 11:53 AM (#449071) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Matt_R I wasn't Ella! And I was SURE I put an exclamation mark at the end of that post!1 BTW I got a B on the Rennie poster...so far my highest mark in the class! |
|
25 Apr 01 - 11:55 AM (#449073) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,jude Roots and wings. Relationships need both freedom and closeness. Love doesn't smother it sets free. Everyone needs space, both physical and emotional. This does not mean you don't wannt to be close or love someone it means being with them is a choice, and all the more valued because it is a choice. There's a line in a song - if you give your love its freedome , it will stay a while, if it leaves you it was never yours to own. Don't kill love by preconcieved ideas of what it "should" be, and getting frustrated when things dont match expectations I'd also echo what was said earlier in the thread you have to like/ accept yourself before you are ready to share your life with anyone else. And now having done the profound bit for the day - off to the lingerie shop to indulge in some glorious new undies. Jude |
|
25 Apr 01 - 12:01 PM (#449083) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Matt_R Ah yes..."What's The Use of Wings?". I love that song... |
|
25 Apr 01 - 12:23 PM (#449110) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: kendall Peg, my ex and I agreed on that space thing. She was so logical, if she wanted to go to the opra, and I didn't, she would invite a friend to go with her. If I wanted to go to a Bluegrass Festival and she didn't, I would go alone. If I went to the opra when I didn't really want to go, it would be spoiled for both of us. That makes no sense. Too many people are stuck in that "Siamese twin syndrome" they think of marraige as two halves coming together to form a whole, when it should be two wholes coming together to enjoy each others contribution."In order to form a more perfect union.." If you have to ask permission to go across the street, RUN dont walk, and for chrissake dont move in with her! |
|
25 Apr 01 - 12:59 PM (#449137) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,El Gringo Viejo As the old song goes,"TELL HER LIES AND FEED HER CANDY" GRINGO |
|
25 Apr 01 - 01:46 PM (#449173) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: annamill Buy "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". I know your initial reaction may be "Poooo". So was mine. It is a very helpful book and it would help almost any situation where the two sexes must relate to each other. It helped me to understand the need for men needing time alone. It was something that used to hurt me. Woman seek each other out when they hurt and cannot understand a man's need to be alone at this time. I think this book may be especially helpful in your situation if you feel this is something you really need to do. Let her read it first ant then you read it too. It doesn't just explain why men act as they do. And good luck! Love, annamill |
|
25 Apr 01 - 03:12 PM (#449228) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Matt_R Time alone??? 22 years is enough time alone for me, thank you very much! |
|
25 Apr 01 - 03:30 PM (#449238) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: wildlone Get a motor cycle its much more fun. dave |
|
25 Apr 01 - 04:21 PM (#449276) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Kim C Matt, do not despair. Mister was 32 when I met him and never married. I was 21 and didn't want to date someone who had already been married but I didn't want to date anyone my own age because the guys I knew were pigs. I know, however, there are LOTS of exceptions to my "don't trust a man under the age of 30" axiom. One day the lady will appear who understands that and can appreciate you. :-) We did live together for about 4 months - this was AFTER I had the engagement ring on my finger. I was not going to live with him otherwise. |
|
25 Apr 01 - 04:48 PM (#449305) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Matt_R Oh don't worry, I have found her!! And incidentally her name is Kim, and is 29! I was just on the phone with her... |
|
25 Apr 01 - 04:49 PM (#449306) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Dancing Mom I would NEVER have married my husband if we hadn't lived together first. You don't really know someone until you live with them. As stated above so wisely, it's essential to maintain your own interests and "space" as well as honoring hers.But you do need to find a common interest that you can share together. Hell, I wasn't sure about ANYTHING when we moved in together! But it's been a learning and growing process that I needed very much, and we will celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary next month. Blessings, Sharon |
|
25 Apr 01 - 04:56 PM (#449315) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Liz the Squeak Wildlone - I quite agree, but it's a done thing now. However, am being persuaded about the bike anyway.... Matt - 22 may be a long time single, but it's an even longer time married/attached and unhappy.... A partner is not the be all and end all of a relationship. And neither is getting married the magical door to perfect harmony and bliss. The world does not stop when the ring hits the finger, you have to keep working at it. Just sitting back and expecting your self reliant, opinion sharing, beer swilling, belching farting girlfriend to turn into Betty Crocker overnight simply because you stood before a judge or a priest and said yes, ain't gonna work no matter how hard one or other of you tries. It has to be both of you, and you both have to accept that the other changes and has different requirements at different times. Don't lose the spontenaiety, if you used to surprise her at work with a card or flowers, or jump her as soon as you got to her house (within reason.....) then do it occasionally, it will help keep interest going, and she will still feel you care about her as a sexy person, rather than a washing/cooking/cleaning accessory. LTS |
|
25 Apr 01 - 05:16 PM (#449335) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Justa Picker Men tend to marry women for exactly the way they are. Women marry men for the way they are, and then spend years trying to change and mold them into what they want them to be. I'm "assimilated" going on 17 years. |
|
25 Apr 01 - 05:17 PM (#449337) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Burke If you need your own space, consider a duplex. |
|
25 Apr 01 - 05:29 PM (#449346) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Little Neophyte Justa Picker, maybe that has been what you have experienced from relationships. Yet there are women and men out there in this world who do not want to mold you into something you are not. There are people out there who want to love you for who you are the same as they want to be loved for who they are. If you are willing to open your perspective on love, you have a better chance of finding it. Little Neo |
|
25 Apr 01 - 05:40 PM (#449353) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Justa Picker Neo, I make a distinction between being "assimilated" and "pecker whipped". I was merely relieved of some bad habits, which I'd wanted to ditch anyway, and just needed the right "impetus". Any improvements made, I can clearly see were for the better, and I do trust her judgement - except in matter of G.A.S. :-) |
|
25 Apr 01 - 05:50 PM (#449359) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Bernard Respect each other's individuality. If you want to change your partner in any way, then you must change your partner - period! Accepting each other for what you are is vital - slight niggles will grow into major difficulties if you let them. Having said that, you must also be prepared to work on the relationship between you - it's not about scoring points. There is a difference between work which is a pleasure, and work which is a chore. The trick is to recognise which is which... I recently made the mistake of thinking that I could become the person that the love of my life wanted me to be. Of course I couldn't - the person she wanted wasn't me. It cost me my mental health, as well as my best friend. Good luck, Ed. Hope it works out well. |
|
25 Apr 01 - 07:26 PM (#449436) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Helen Burke, That's not such a bad suggestion to buy a duplex. After my boyfriend (now hubby) moved from 300 miles away to here (i.e. after we had been going out for a year) he moved to a house only a block away from mine. It was near enough to spend time together, and separate enough to have time to ourselves. It was especially important for us, we decided, to ease into the closer living, because we were in the habit of only seeing each other every second weekend or so before that, because of the distance. After we got engaged (another way of saying that we had made the commitment for a long term relationship) and about a month before the wedding he moved into my place. I was very wary of moving in for reasons based on convenience, practicality, or anything other than long term commitment to the relationship. Helen |
|
25 Apr 01 - 10:03 PM (#449531) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: CarolC Men tend to marry women for exactly the way they are.
--Justa Picker
Justa Picker, that hasn't been my experience. (And I've had lots of experience.) My experience has been that some men want to change the women they are with.
My experience has also been that all people, male and female, are individuals, but if you try to generalize about their behavior, you'll get exactly what you expect. Carol |
|
26 Apr 01 - 03:12 AM (#449637) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Jude Most men don't marry women for exactly the way they are any more than most women marry men to change them. Mostly this is because few of us ever really know either a potential partner or even ourselves, and just to complicate matters people do change and grow over time. A habit that may have appeared endearing in the "honeymoon" stage may later be intensely irritating. The rest of the universe doesn't stop changing either, and people change as a reaction to that. The other thing that can be a problem is not really seeing the person behind the expectations, both of what you think/hope they are and what (often without realising it) you expect from a relationship. Love can conquer mountains - but it often falls at a molehill. If you communicate, share ideas and expectations, work at it, and are lucky, you may find, recognise and keep someone to love and share your life. Meanwhile work out who you are and what you want. Jude |
|
26 Apr 01 - 11:06 AM (#449829) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST ..after contemplating what went wrong and what went right during a 14 year marriage that ended in divorce, I came to some enlightening revelations, some not so major but noetheless mildly significant. Like: I never lost anything, aside from the occasional set of car keys (or the car) after a night of serious drinking. That was because everything I owned was on the floor. Wake up in the morning, and there it was, staring you in the face. A quick shuffle through the layers of books, records, tapes, clothes, pens, pencils, papers, various and sundry items rarely failed to reveal the item I was looking for. It was only after my "better half" decided "we" needed to become "organized" that I never could find a damn thing. Go figure. |
|
26 Apr 01 - 11:24 AM (#449844) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,Surviving Brother Sorry if this is a repeat but time is limited My brother-in-law found this out (too late I fear). Women like to "feel" about a situation Men solve problems OK, a generallisation, but looking back on my own disaster areas it all clicks into place. sort of "Now they tell me"! |
|
26 Apr 01 - 12:22 PM (#449887) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: mousethief Advice from Uncle Mouse: Never forget that men and women are DIFFERENT. Neither gender is better or worse; but each must learn to accept the peculiar peculiarities of the other. If you expect a woman to behave/think/act like a man, you will be frustrated. And vice versa. Alex |
|
26 Apr 01 - 02:14 PM (#450013) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,#1 That coping saw is to cut off their tongue. 1: It stops the long list of things they want you to do for them. Of course then they can't thank you for doing them, but you never got that in the first place. They just considered it their due. |
|
26 Apr 01 - 02:35 PM (#450046) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: gnu Zebedee... here's some advice. Make sure she doesn't get a chance to read this thread or you'll be hanging by a thread. |
|
26 Apr 01 - 02:56 PM (#450070) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: wildlone I worked hard at my marriage, somtimes 70 or 80 hours per week. When I found a job with the same amount of money for less than half the hours she wanted me to get a second job "so I can have nice things in the house". It was then I realised that all I was was a wallet on legs. dave, who spends his cash any way he wants now. |
|
26 Apr 01 - 03:10 PM (#450083) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: gnu LOUD and CLEAR, dave. |
|
26 Apr 01 - 08:35 PM (#450257) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Bernard I used to think I'd found 'Miss Right' until I realised her first name was 'Always'... |
|
27 Apr 01 - 12:00 AM (#450332) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: CarolC Wow! Is this where all of the bitter men hang out? I guess I need to go find me another rock to hang out under... |
|
27 Apr 01 - 12:22 AM (#450341) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: JenEllen Have to thank the GUEST for the best laugh I've had all night. Whyever would you hook up with a person who hates all of the things you love?? Maybe castration was the only way she could get your attention? Seriously, TALK to her, Zeb. Find out beforehand, and if she's too clingy, tell her no and tell her WHY. It will be better for both of you in the long run. ~JE~(A woman who, among other things: lounges around in her underwear, swears like a sailor, can 'stooge' with the best of 'em, and who loves sex, dirty jokes, and cars.)
|
|
27 Apr 01 - 12:50 AM (#450349) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Matt_R Am I the only guy who DOESN'T drink beer, watch sports all day, sit in my underwear, talk about cars and tell dirty jokes? Am I weird?? |
|
27 Apr 01 - 01:07 AM (#450352) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: JenEllen Well, Matt, you ARE weird, but for a host of other reasons...*bg* I just think that the whole cookie-cutter thing of 'this is how women/men ARE' is revolting. It allows NO room for growth. Some day you might want to do those things, other days you might want to hang out with Boo and bake cookies or something...it doesn't make you any less of a man, or any less YOU. I find it no real suprise that people like our GUEST can't find a friendship with a member of the opposite if they allow no room for growth or evolution of the relationship. You just go with whatcha know, sugar, okay? ~JE~ (who still runs like a girl...imagine that...) |
|
27 Apr 01 - 01:27 AM (#450354) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Amergin Well, Matt....I don't sit around in my underwear...nor do I talk about cars...cause all I care about them is that they run and will keep running....and I can't stand sitting around watching sports on the tube all day....would rather sit around drinking beer and reading a book... |
|
27 Apr 01 - 05:38 AM (#450374) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: bbc Amen to mousethief! Read some of the John Gray Mars/Venus books. I might have been able to prevent my divorce if I had understood then how differently men & women think & communicate! bbc |
|
27 Apr 01 - 06:59 AM (#450385) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: gnu CarolC... I am not a bitter man. I prefer cold beer.... and warm women. |
|
27 Apr 01 - 11:14 AM (#450442) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST JenEllen.... Nowhere in GUEST's post of 25-April-01 11:42am did it say anything about the author being a freakin' genius.
Instructions for reading the post referred to above. Some assembly required: By the by, I got two tickets for professional wrestling; truck pull later on in the week; demolition derby the week after. That's if I can finish blueprinting the block and get those pop-up pistons installed in the GTO in time. Interested? I got a cooler of Old Milwaukee already iced down. |
|
27 Apr 01 - 01:02 PM (#450483) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Kim C Matt, Mister doesn't do any of those things. ;-) |
|
27 Apr 01 - 01:22 PM (#450498) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST,#1 Is that male thread right or left handed? I trust everone knows the sad story of Screwy Dick. |
|
27 Apr 01 - 01:53 PM (#450531) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST But what is the alchoholic user to do? |
|
27 Apr 01 - 01:55 PM (#450537) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST So what is the alchoholic i love supposed to to (apart from giving up drinking) |
|
27 Apr 01 - 01:59 PM (#450543) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: mousethief I gave up loving alcoholics for Lent. |
|
27 Apr 01 - 02:19 PM (#450563) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: CarolC That's cool, gnu. You shouldn't have any problems attracting warm women if you keep one thing in mind. What warm women like best is warm men. |
|
27 Apr 01 - 04:17 PM (#450664) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: JenEllen You got it pegged, CarolC...
Well GUEST, that all depends...WCW or WWF? JennyTakeARide
|
|
27 Apr 01 - 04:51 PM (#450680) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: gnu CarolC... I'm as warm as warm gets, short of being a pussy. I guess the reason I don't trust most women anymore is because I was too much of a pussy in the past. I wasn't even going to post to this thread but I did so for the sake of humour. Screw that. Zebedee... don't move in. Get married or get out, the quicker the better. Buy her nothing. Take her nowhere. Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to. Never lie to her or yourself about anything. Talk about your feelings openly and honestly. Give her your love every day and be there for her when she needs you, unless she abuses it. If she weens about anything in the relationship, run as fast as you can and never look back. Life is waaaaaaaaay too short to be a pussy. Yes, be warm, but never be a warm pussy. That goes for you gals, too.
|
|
27 Apr 01 - 04:53 PM (#450682) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: mousethief But gnu, happiness is... |
|
27 Apr 01 - 04:56 PM (#450687) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: gnu .... a mate who loves and respects you. If that mate weens and manipulates, there is no love and, certainly, no respect. |
|
27 Apr 01 - 05:09 PM (#450700) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: mousethief Aye, I can't dispute that, gnu. I was just being silly. |
|
27 Apr 01 - 05:15 PM (#450703) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: gnu I know, Alex. Guess I'm just wound up. It's time to get a few thumps in before my gig. Wish me luck. My wrist seems healed, but every now and then, it gives out on me, so I'm nervous. Sorry if I offended, CarolC and JenEllen... wait a minute, no I'm not.... I AM NOT A PUSSY !!!! |
|
27 Apr 01 - 05:16 PM (#450704) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: mousethief Not sure what your "gig" is, but break a leg, anyway! Alex |
|
27 Apr 01 - 05:54 PM (#450720) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: CarolC Yes, be warm, but never be a warm pussy. That goes for you gals, too.
--gnu
gnu, I agree completely.
I wasn't offended by you. But if you check out the several posts just before I asked if this is where the bitter men hang out, you can see that the tone of the conversation was mostly about bashing women. I guess what I was, and am, trying to communicate is that people pick up on the tone that others use. If a man or a woman comes across as sounding bitter or like they're bashing the opposite gender, all of the good ones of that gender are going to run, not walk as far as they can get in the opposite direction. So then it becomes sort of a self fulfilling prophecy. And I've been a pussy, too, so I know exactly what you're talking about. But we have to take responsibility for our own pussy behavior and not blame it on others. And hopefully we can learn from it and be strong without being hurtful. Good luck with your gig. Carol |
|
27 Apr 01 - 05:59 PM (#450725) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Matt_R I refuse to be bitter!!! |
|
27 Apr 01 - 06:15 PM (#450729) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: CarolC You certainly don't seem bitter to me, Matt. |
|
27 Apr 01 - 06:17 PM (#450731) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: mousethief Perhaps a little salty... |
|
27 Apr 01 - 09:23 PM (#450816) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: JenEllen gnu'Darlin; No offense taken AT ALL!! You sound to me like you've got it square from where you sit. This is a pretty delicate subject to deal with in this medium. Humor that can't be followed with a physical "wink-wink-nudge-nudge" tends to be taken straight away off the mark. You go knock'em dead at that gig luv. **SERIOUS GIRL-MODE HERE** Zeb, it just isn't going to work unless the two of you are friends, and it sounds like that isn't the case. You should have enough in common that you have things to learn together, enough differences to keep life interesting, and kind enough hearts to appreciate that this is another soul that is bound to do things that will drive you crazy but you can love them right through that anyway. |
|
27 Apr 01 - 09:32 PM (#450820) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: Matt_R Wooo! Serious Girl Mode! Ahhhhhhh-OOOOO-Gaaaaaaaaa!!! |
|
28 Apr 01 - 07:28 AM (#450966) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: gnu Zebedee's girlfriend... don't move in. Get married or get out, the quicker the better. Buy him nothing. Take him nowhere. Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to. Never lie to him or yourself about anything. Talk about your feelings openly and honestly. Give him your love every day and be there for him when he needs you, unless he abuses it. If he weens about anything in the relationship, run as fast as you can and never look back. Life is waaaaaaaaay too short to be a pussy. PCgnu
|
|
30 Apr 01 - 08:08 AM (#451974) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: GUEST WWF...The Rock vs Undertaker I think. Too bad about the truck pull - Big Foot was supposed to make an appearance, but knock one over the fence, JenEllen. When you get the Chev tuned up, bring 'er out on County Line road, just past the Last Chance Saloon, and let's see what she'll do...(I feel a case of "...You Just Might Be a Redneck" coming on...) -- |
|
30 Apr 01 - 04:38 PM (#452348) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: JenEllen Well, outside of the fact that if my porch collapsed, it might in fact kill an animal or two...I am most definately NOT a redneck. No offense intended to anyone who IS, mind you, that just ain't my bag. I'm more a believer in "don't knock it if ya ain't tried it"..and "for gawdssakes, if ya like it, do it again". The Undertaker would wipe the mat with that loser. ~JE
|
|
30 Apr 01 - 04:43 PM (#452354) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: gnu Sounds like a redneckess to me. goodolgnu |
|
30 Apr 01 - 05:41 PM (#452401) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: JenEllen Yeah, maybe, gnu. More likely a case of an individual adapting to an environment. 'When in Rome', and all that garbage.. Perhaps I should clarify for our distinguished guest? Lounging in underwear? My house, my business, and I happen to think skin is great. Swear like a sailor? Yeah, as well as fluency in four languages (not counting redneck, sailor, or piglatin). Stooges and DirtyJokes? Sure, but I don't have to be the one hit with a brick to get the joke. Cars? Get you where you have to go, but the minute you love them more than you do the people in your life, you're a goner. Professional Wrestling? Give the guys a break, they're just trying to make a living like everyone else. Truck pulls, boat shows, craft fairs? Not nearly as wonderful as who you go there with. Taking an interest in something besides yourself has very definite benefits.
|
|
30 Apr 01 - 05:51 PM (#452413) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: gnu Not a redneckess. 'Cept for the Stooges.... part redneckess ? 'Spose we all are, to some extent. But the Stooges ???!!! |
|
30 Apr 01 - 05:58 PM (#452419) Subject: RE: BS: Coping with women (A male thread) From: JenEllen Lord knows I've tried, gnu You know, I'm really a very reasonably educated woman, you think I'd know better..but every time they get Curly's head in a vise, the giggles escape and give me away.
|