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26 Apr 01 - 12:33 PM (#449899) Subject: What's the matter with Florida? From: Fiolar A small news item in one of the British newspapers today states that a replica of Michelangelo's David now wears a white loincloth after complaints by residents of Luke Alfred, Florida after it was placed outside a local business. What next? Longer table cloths to hide the legs of tables like used to happen in Victorian times when it was apparently thought that the sight of all those legs might inflame male passions. |
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26 Apr 01 - 12:42 PM (#449908) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: mousethief Maybe it can become like the Picasso horse in Chicago -- the locals can change the loincloth from time to time, put on different colours, maybe give him a kilt, a DEPENDS(tm) diaper, stuff like that. Actually I *was* offended when I saw the David (actually a replica thereof in Rome). King David ought not have a foreskin, methinks, given his --um-- heritage. Struck me as a huge historical blunder. Alex |
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26 Apr 01 - 12:52 PM (#449915) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Whistle Stop Is this another of those "hanging chads"? |
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26 Apr 01 - 12:55 PM (#449917) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: mousethief Perhaps they could rename the David "Chad" -- then people could walk up and ask, "How's it hangin', Chad?" |
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26 Apr 01 - 01:02 PM (#449925) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: RichM MouseThief's suggestion for a kilt is a good one. Or a pair of overalls? How about fishnet stockings and a thong? It might show just how silly it is to cover up nude statues!
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26 Apr 01 - 01:03 PM (#449926) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: harpgirl I guess our little old ladies don't want to look at David's jewels while they dine. Can you blame them??? hehehe |
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26 Apr 01 - 01:04 PM (#449928) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: catspaw49 Geez MT.......that was just awful!!! My congratulations! Sinsull sent Karen a "Dress-Up David".....It's a big hit in her lab! This stuff really gets silly doesn't it? Spaw |
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26 Apr 01 - 01:06 PM (#449929) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: RichM Or, being in Florida, how about hanging a couple of BIG Florida oranges in a strategic place? |
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26 Apr 01 - 01:12 PM (#449937) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: catspaw49 Why not go with the Indian River grapefruit instead? Spaw |
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26 Apr 01 - 01:13 PM (#449940) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: RichM How about a couple of lemons? You know-like when life serves you lemons, make lemonade? |
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26 Apr 01 - 01:13 PM (#449941) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: mousethief Have you guys seen the David? Oranges wouldn't fit in there. Grapes, perhaps. Do they grow almonds in Florida? Alex |
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26 Apr 01 - 01:43 PM (#449964) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Troll Heres a copy of the story from the Tampa Tribune. Miss Grundy Lives! Apr 25, 2001 `David' too anatomically correct for some JILL KING GREENWOOD of The Tampa Tribune If you've got it, flaunt it, the saying goes. Just don't flaunt it in Polk County - even if it's a reproduction of one of the world's greatest art treasures. A 5-foot, 500-pound concrete representation of Michelangelo's famous Italian Renaissance sculpture of ``David'' has some of Lake Alfred's citizenry red-faced with embarrassment. The reproduction of the statue of the Old Testament's David, who defeated Goliath in the classic biblical story, graces the front lawn of the Fountains and Falls shop in Lake Alfred. The statue faces the heavy traffic passing by on U.S. 17/92 in the Polk County town northeast of Lakeland. It seems Michelangelo's attention to detail when sculpting ``David'''s genitalia have caused some in this city of about 3,800 to take offense. A city code enforcement officer, acting on complaints from citizens, asked shop manager Chuck Cole to place a cloth around the statue's waist. ``If I were standing naked on some street corner, that would be different,'' said Cole. ``But this is a representation of a classic masterpiece. It's art, not obscenity.'' Not according to Jeanne Johnson, owner of the Lake Alfred City Barber Shop, located about a mile from the Fountains and Falls shop. Johnson was driving past the statue recently with her young daughters and several of her daughters' friends when the girls began to point, giggle and comment on the anatomically correct ``David''. ``I didn't even know it was art,'' Johnson said. ``To me, it's just a naked man standing on the side of the road. Once the girls saw it, I found myself in a position where I had to explain what a penis is.'' Johnson and a handful of others complained, prompting City Manager Jim Drumm to research the city's code and statutes to see if the sculpture violated any obscenity laws. ``There's nothing legally we could do about it, since we can't regulate art, but the people that were complaining were demanding that we do something,'' Drumm said. ``As a matter of courtesy, we asked the store owners to put a cloth on the statue. ``It all comes down to what you believe is art and what is offensive. I've never heard of someone complaining about a Michelangelo, though.'' Margaret Miller, director of the University of South Florida's Contemporary Art Museum in Tampa, said the issue of some being offended by detailed genitalia in art is not a new one. However, Miller said, it's not the explicitness of ``David's'' anatomy that offends her in this instance. ``I'm most bothered by the fact that someone has turned a classic piece of art into a lawn ornament,'' Miller said. ``But to alter it in some way is the most obscene gesture of all. Covering it up really bastardizes the integrity of the piece.'' The more modest version of ``David'' has attracted more attention than the completely nude one, Cole said. Motorists have stopped to have their pictures taken with the statue, and some have even taken a second to peek under the cloth.
And since the hype shows no signs of slowing down, Cole said he'll replace the old cleaning rag that currently graces ``David's'' waist with a leopard print bandanna in the coming days. ``I figure if I'm going to have to cover him up, I might as well do it in style.'' troll
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26 Apr 01 - 01:50 PM (#449971) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: catspaw49 Somebody needs to open a display of Robert Maplethorpe's stuff right next to that woman's barbershop. Imagine how traumatic it must have been for her, explaining what a penis was. She probably has her kids in therapy now. Spaw |
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26 Apr 01 - 01:54 PM (#449980) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: mousethief How old were the kids? They gotta learn what those things are sooner or later. This is a unique learning opportunity, and should be viewed as such! Frequently! Alex |
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26 Apr 01 - 01:55 PM (#449983) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: GUEST,#1 You wouldn't want him to get sunburned there, would you? |
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26 Apr 01 - 01:57 PM (#449986) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: mousethief Hey, #1, that brings up a great idea -- maybe just some colorful zinc oxide paste could cover up his peccadillo... |
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26 Apr 01 - 02:12 PM (#450008) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Dharmabum There are certain members of our society whom never cease to amaze me. This has got to be the quote of the week though: "I found myself in a position where I had to explain what a penis is."..........Interesting position.**BG** Maybe they should just park David in front of the nearest Dunkin Doughnuts &....ahem.....display their wares on him. Yea, this is realy going to corupt the youth of America. DB. |
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26 Apr 01 - 02:20 PM (#450023) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: gnu The only thing stranger would be if Jeanne Penis had to explain what a Johnson is. Some peoples' kids, eh ? |
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26 Apr 01 - 02:23 PM (#450030) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Rick Fielding I dunno. Five feet tall, five hundred pounds....I'd be in favour of them covering ALL of him up. Jesse Ventura |
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26 Apr 01 - 02:29 PM (#450039) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: DougR Nothing wrong with Florida that a mass class in "Hooked on Phonics," wouldn't cure. :>) DougR |
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26 Apr 01 - 02:30 PM (#450040) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Whistle Stop Gotta admit, though, the leopard-print bandanna is a nice touch. I'm sure Michaelangelo would have done this himself if he had thought of it. |
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26 Apr 01 - 02:40 PM (#450053) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: SINSULL Reminds me of the Tarzan they used to set up in the Ladies Room of some of the bars in the sixties. If you lifted his loin cloth (no - I didn't but saw someone else make the mistake), a siren went off and red lights flashed so that everyone in the bar knew what you had done. This is just as adolescent. What do they teach these Florida kids in biology class? |
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26 Apr 01 - 02:44 PM (#450059) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: gnu Apparently not what a cousin is. |
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26 Apr 01 - 02:55 PM (#450068) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: catspaw49 You're really on a roll here gnu...............The roll is pretty stale, but it's a roll................. Spaw |
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26 Apr 01 - 02:57 PM (#450072) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: gnu Stale rolls and Turkey Turd Beer. Now there's a scoff ! |
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26 Apr 01 - 03:04 PM (#450078) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: gnu Mousethief... what's this about the size of David's balls ? I figured he musta had balls as big as this to take on that big red neck, Bubba Goliath. |
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26 Apr 01 - 03:06 PM (#450079) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: SINSULL No gnu. Even the one he tossed at Goliath was tiny. |
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26 Apr 01 - 03:07 PM (#450080) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: gnu Or am I thinking about Davey Crotchet ? He was from the south, waddn't ee ? |
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26 Apr 01 - 03:16 PM (#450091) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: SINSULL No. That was Daniel Boone. He was a trailer and a tractor. (thank you Tommy Smothers) |
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26 Apr 01 - 03:25 PM (#450101) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: gnu You mean Daniel Bone, no ? |
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26 Apr 01 - 03:32 PM (#450108) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: catspaw49 Actually gnu, both are Kentuckians.....Boone AND Bone...........There's a State Park and I think Bone had more fun. Spaw |
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26 Apr 01 - 03:54 PM (#450121) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Joe Offer I saw an article that suggested that the commemorative quarter that honors Florida should depict a Cadillac with its turn signal blinking incessantly. I suppose it's wrong to generalize, but I think a large number of people in Florida are those who have left their homes and their reality to find a perfect, sterile retirement environment. A sterilized David seems to fit what they're seeking. My parents moved from Wisconsin to Florida in 1982. I like to think they're a little more rooted in reality than the typical Florida retiree, but there are many times my folks cause me to wonder. -Joe Offer- (Of course, I suppose you could question my credibility by bringing up the fact that I moved from Wisconsin to California in 1973 - but my ex-wife made me do it) |
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26 Apr 01 - 04:01 PM (#450126) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: SINSULL Why not just add a fig leaf? Problem over. It has worked for centuries. I have the art books to prove it. |
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26 Apr 01 - 04:01 PM (#450127) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: paddymac Imperial Polk County, eh? Maybe "David" should be moved to Palm Beach where he might be able to help with the dimpled, pregnant and hanging chads. :>) Those statues are not at all rare. In fact, I'd say they're fairly common on the lots of people selling fountains and the like. Looks to me like the silly "Barber of Lake Alfred" has given the seller of the statuary far more advertising than he could ever afford to buy. This situation cries out for the talents of Amos and the other gifted lyricists and poets who frequent the 'cat. |
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26 Apr 01 - 04:13 PM (#450131) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: gnu Thanks Spaw. Reminds me of Newfoundland. Never been south of Boston... may never be, now. |
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26 Apr 01 - 04:16 PM (#450136) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Joe Offer It is a fact that most of the flamingos in Florida are made of pink plaster. The real ones are native to only a small area of Everglades National Park. Does that give you an idea about the mindset of Floridians? -Joe Offer- |
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26 Apr 01 - 04:19 PM (#450137) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: GUEST,#1 If artists had't used artifical fig leaves, I suspect figs would have passed from endanged species to extinct ages ago. |
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28 Apr 01 - 01:38 AM (#450907) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: DougR I'd vote for a zuchinni leaf, rather than a fig leaf. They are bigger and, therefore, conceal more. I can understand the validity of this, with David, but were we talking about a female statue, I'm agin censorship! DougR |
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28 Apr 01 - 01:06 PM (#451119) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Murray MacLeod This will undoubtedly inspire a song from Amy Carol Webb or Grant Livingston. Anyways, us crackers just don't go around showing off our peckers. You damned Yankees can do whatever the hell you like. Murray |
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28 Apr 01 - 04:32 PM (#451231) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Amos Well, we like to look at Michaelangelo's work the way he intended and executed it, for one thing. We feel it its only fair to the artist to extend the dignity of the First Amendment to him, posthumously. Guess some folks have other priorities, and not just in Florida --I am sure the backwoods of America are full of timid souls whose highest and best goal in life is to run around protecting others from penises. You have to wonder how they got started un such a mission, though. Some others kinda take penises in stride. Just imagine a chess player who couldn't stand looking at pawns, or a cook who had this thing about hiding all the zucchini -- wouldn't you thnk it would kinda take them off their game? A |
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28 Apr 01 - 04:41 PM (#451233) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Banjer Amos, with the case of the cook it would have a lot to do with WHERE he wanted to hide the zucchini. I live in Florida and am ashamed to say so. Why is it that in an advanced country like ours one of God's best creations, the human body, is so offensive? I don't mean all should walk around bareassed as jaybirds, but for crissake we are talking about a statue, a work of art.....BUT...What REALLY gets me PISSED about all of this is that again the voice of one stupid bitch is the guideline for what the rest of us can and cannot see. Put it to a vote at least.. Oh well, like the old saying goes, 'It's hard to soar with eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys' |
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28 Apr 01 - 06:14 PM (#451269) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Paul G. I too, live in Florida, but am far from ashamed about it...In typical fashion you get what the media gives you, and a story about David's dingle is gonna get more reads in the northern press (where they just love to condemn us dumb southerners anyway)than Dale Crider's efforts to save the lakes of Alachua County -- or this week even the Bush Brothers efforts to dismantle the clean water act, starting with Florida -- a far more obscene gesture than the erection (no pun intended) of the famous David. Just because those dumb-ass transplants from Michigan don't "get" great art, don't condemn the whole populace. There's a whole lot of good down here trying to hold back a whole lot a crap, largely wrought by out-of-stater's, both contemporary and historical. On the other hand, the commentary about the size of Big-D's fruit is a hoot! Y'all come visit sometime and we'll show you the real Florida that I'm so proud of, and that so many of us are working so hard to protect. pg |
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28 Apr 01 - 06:37 PM (#451277) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Banjer Paul, you are right of course, there is a lot of beauty here in this state that gets overlooked in favor of selling news. But there are many things that do cause a pause in Florida. Home of the National Enquirer, for one. Home of Janet Reno, home of the hanging chad,...but yes, beyond all that we have wonderful weather among other benefits. I guess I shouldn't be ashamed to live here, but give me half a chance and I'll be move elsewhere! |
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28 Apr 01 - 06:47 PM (#451286) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Paul G. Banjer -- Don't go....wherever you end up you'll find a fair share of bone-heads. Sure there's plenty to be embarassed about, but if all of the folks who care about the fair things we have give up and go, the rest of the state will be turned into a Disney theme park...after they finish draining and paving the 'glades. Don't forget we're also the home of Gamble Rogers, Will McLean, Marjorie Stoneman Douglas, Marjory Kinnan Rawlings, Patrick Smith, Lawton Chiles...and Gatorade. Besides, I hear they're about to construct a naked statue of Max next to the Liberty Bell up in Philadelphia. What's up with that? p. |
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28 Apr 01 - 08:48 PM (#451329) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: catspaw49 Paul and Banj......Y'all got plenty of good stuff down there......well, not down "there" but you get my point.....well, not my "point" but......ah the hell with it........ First, just look at the shape of your state. It looks like a giant dick pissing on Cuba! Pretty cool, unless you're in Cuba. Up on your northern border, over in Georgia, you are only scant miles from the highest concentration of "Blow-Job Buffets" on the planet. The last time I passed through I was impressed with the one that said, "Families Welcome." These would be the families who are adept at explaining what a penis is to their kids. Yes, southern Georgia is indeed a fine place.....The ultimate in one stop shopping,....Gas, food, get your nob polished, and 25 pounds of pecans....ALL IN ONE STOP!!!! And you guys are right there!!!! And that's not to mention the thrown off tire treads. Y'all got a ton of tire treads per mile and 68 pounds of armadillo in every 3. Now that's hard to beat!!! Then you get down to Orlando and Kissamyass. WOW! Nuff said there.................... 'Course I gotta wonder what the barber lady has to say about all those phallic symbols over at Canaveral........................ Spaw |
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28 Apr 01 - 08:59 PM (#451333) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Lonesome EJ What kind of schmucks are these Floridians anyway? Frankly, I find their dickshun deplorable. I hope this anti-David sentiment peters out soon, and that those who support the statue will keep their pecker up and stick it to the prudes, or my name's not Johnson. Let's just let MichaelDangleo alone! Who's next on the hit list? Dick Caveat? Urethera Franklin? |
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28 Apr 01 - 10:06 PM (#451360) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Paul G. My God, Spaw, how could I have forgotten the armadillos! Let us not forget the fire ants and love bugs (take the finish right off your car every May and September). Now south Georgia is another story all together... LMAO... p. |
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28 Apr 01 - 10:24 PM (#451367) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: kendall Who ever heard of learning about a penis from a relative? Scandalous!! they should learn that stuff in the back seat of a 1937 Chevrolet like my neighbor did. |
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29 Apr 01 - 12:23 AM (#451412) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: paddymac Remember - kids in the back seat can cause accidents, and accidents in the back seat can cause kids. |
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29 Apr 01 - 04:44 AM (#451474) Subject: RE: What's the matter with Florida? From: Banjer I probably won't go anywhere Paul. I can't afford to pull up roots of 46 years and start over. I'm 52 now and as my wife points out we would just get settled someplace else and would probably have to move right back to Florida. I understand most of the northern states have a law that as soon as a person turns 60 they must move to Florida and do their part in clogging roads. I have always threatened that when I retire I will move to Ohio and just make a career out of driving slow. LEJ is right! We should all keep a stiff upper lip and whatever else we can keep up and fight this thing!!! we're also the home of Gamble Rogers, Will McLean, Marjorie Stoneman Douglas, Marjory Kinnan Rawlings, Patrick Smith, Lawton Chiles...and Gatorade. Yes, and there are other treasures as well. 'Pappa' Hemingway made his home in Key West, Robin Plit wrote 'The Jupiter Light', and I'm sure this list could grow if given more thought! |