To Thread - Forum Home

The Mudcat Café TM
https://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=34838
62 messages

Help: slow down

29 May 01 - 09:32 AM (#472236)
Subject: slow down
From: kendall

This is worth sharing. Moment."

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those people on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my brother and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?" He would gasp and stammer, "I can't. I have too many things to do today. I wish I had known yesterday. I had a late breakfast. It looks like rain. Etc.

He died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect: We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Stevie toilet-trained, or the dog house broken. We'll entertain when we replace the livingroom carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to Someday" "I plan on Someday" and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit"

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, he is open to adventure and available for trips. He keeps an open mind on new ideas. His enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with him for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to...not something on your SHOULD DO list.

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

On this Memorial Day give an old friend a call. Just to say hello or to brighten his or your day. Your generation (the Great One) is owed so much by all of us who followed after, that all that we can do is to say thank you for everything that you have done. _________________________________________________

from ELROY--------


29 May 01 - 11:50 AM (#472319)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Ma-K

Thanks for the reminder..Need to call a friend right now.....Mary


29 May 01 - 11:54 AM (#472322)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Clinton Hammond

*picks up phone*

*Dials*

Hello... mom... I love you...

;-)


29 May 01 - 12:03 PM (#472331)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: kendall

I wish I could call my Mom...


29 May 01 - 04:53 PM (#472537)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: fat B****rd

I called my mum (she's 92) recently only to be told that she was watching Lily Savage. I made my goodbyes and put the 'phone down. She's still wonderful though.


29 May 01 - 05:01 PM (#472541)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Hollowfox

Thanks, Kendall. It turns out that I'm having a party/campout at my house this week, the first party at this house in three years - and the house isn't all straightened out, and the lawn isn't cut yet. Thanks for the validation.


29 May 01 - 05:12 PM (#472545)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: kendall

Just goes to show you, even I can be serious at times.


29 May 01 - 05:15 PM (#472552)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: mousethief

I'm going to risk the ire of all you mellow people and say that just what Americans don't need is somebody giving them another excuse for self-indulgence. We are the most self-indulgent nation on the face of the planet, and this is the most self-indulgent period in our history. We are constantly bombarded with messages saying, "Look out for #1!" and "you deserve whatever you can grab for yourself."

It's a sick way to live.

Yes, I believe in slowing down and taking the time to make contact with others, especially our loved ones.

But eating a triple-scoop ice cream cone hardly counts as "slowing down." Nor is it terribly praiseworthy. Do it every day (after all, every trip home could be your last) and you'll die years sooner, and have less time to spend with your loved ones while you're stuffing your face at Baskin and Robbins.

Okay, flame me and get it over with. I'm ready.

Alex


29 May 01 - 05:34 PM (#472566)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Kim C

I have thought about this stuff a lot since my dad died last year. I didn't have any regrets about him, particularly, because I had talked to him a few days before and the last thing I said was, I love you Dad. So I wasn't sorry that I didn't get to the hospital before he died.

But I have several friends who are very important to me, and I realized that any of them could be taken from me at any time, for any reason. So I have endeavored to make sure they all know how special they are, even if it means doing something a little outrageous once in awhile, or giving up something of MINE, be it time, money, or otherwise, if it means putting a smile on their faces.

A little self-indulgence can be a good thing. But you're right Alex, you can get too much of a good thing. Been there done that.

I know, though, that if I should die tonight, all the most important people know that I love them. :-)


29 May 01 - 06:07 PM (#472584)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: kendall

MT, you sound like a Baptist! Other than the ice cream bit, I see no self indulgence in this piece.


29 May 01 - 06:14 PM (#472588)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: mousethief

Ummm... "Do something YOU WANT to do..."

That's the DEFINITION of self-indulgence, Kendall.

alex


29 May 01 - 06:14 PM (#472589)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: mousethief

PS bite your tongue on that "baptist" nonsense.


29 May 01 - 06:25 PM (#472601)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: GUEST,Melani

Thanks, Kendal. I'm going sailing tonight, even though I don't really have time. It's beautiful today; it could be snowing next week!


29 May 01 - 06:41 PM (#472622)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: DougR

Alex, I won't flame you, I don't like it and won't do it, but I do think you are taking a little harder stand on the subject than is called for.

Kendall reminded folks with this message that none of us will live forever, and there are things we could do before we go that would make US feel good, and would please OTHERS! No harm in that, as far as I can see. The message already motivated some mudcatters to respond, and that' ain't all bad in my opinion.

When I read that he bought himself a "triple decker" after depriving himself of ice cream for ten years, my first thought was, "right on!"

I just don't read that message as encouraging or promoting self-indulgence.

DougR


29 May 01 - 06:46 PM (#472626)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Little Hawk

I can see plenty of sense in what both Kendall and Mousethief have to say on this one. Just depends on how you look at it.

We do need to get in touch with what our true inner desires and needs are (in a creative and emotional sense), and not sleepwalk through life not really living each moment....or just doing what we're "supposed" to do.

On the other hand, we don't need more thoughtless self-indulgence, which is what the advertising world is constantly encouraging us to engage in so they can sell more product.

Gotta figure out what's REAL, that's all. And as we all know, Coke is NOT the "real thing".

- LH


29 May 01 - 07:05 PM (#472638)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: kendall

MT, sorry about the "Baptist" comment. I was raised Baptist, but I escaped. Definition of a Baptist; Someone who lives in mortal fear that somewhere, somehow, someone is enjoying himself. At the same time, I do see your point, we are a very self centered lot!


29 May 01 - 07:23 PM (#472660)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Jeri

The whole point of life is to enjoy it. This isn't the same as being self indulgent. I have a hard time enjoying life when folks around me are miserable. I have a hard time enjoying life when I don't have any money, so I have to work.

Practically everything we do is self indulgent. We just prioritize what the indulgences are. Do we make ourselves feel good by helping someone with a flat tire, or do we get to work on time so the boss doesn't yell? Do we have lunch with a friend, or get the job finished so we can quit thinking about it? Do we eat the ice cream, or do we go work out so we eventually look and feel better?

I like to think there should be a balance in life. If it's all excercise and no ice cream or vice versa, something's wrong.


29 May 01 - 07:57 PM (#472680)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Little Hawk

I think most Baptists also live in mortal fear that they will be damned for eternity if they don't keep constantly reasserting their absolute faith and devotion to JC (as if God were susceptible to emotional blackmail...), plus they have the general impression that virtually everyone else out there is damned for eternity.

Nice comforting philosophy, isn't it?

I think we have gone into thread creep, folks...

- LH


29 May 01 - 08:31 PM (#472696)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Dicho (Frank Staplin)

Baptist born and Baptist bred/ But now I'm too lazy to get out of bed. That's really slowed down. There used to be a zillion verses to that doggerel, all of which I have forgotten. Nothing pertinent in Digitrad. Heard them from Texas Baptists, but obviously not the Hard-shell kind, since they had no objection to dancing for relaxation.


29 May 01 - 08:43 PM (#472700)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: kendall

the only reason they have sex is to avoid dancing.


29 May 01 - 08:52 PM (#472709)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Mountain Dog

and it's been said that the reason they don't have sex standing up is because folks might think they were dancing!


29 May 01 - 09:46 PM (#472750)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: kendall

that's actually how it goes!


29 May 01 - 11:12 PM (#472781)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Ebbie

Back to the thread for a bit... Kendall, I don't think of it as self indulgent but rather a call to what's important. Thank you.

Reading these posts gave me a new thought, although it may be old hat to everyone else. It just occurred to me that I've had it all wrong or at least only partially right. When one thinks "I'm glad I told him I love him before he died" or "regret that I didn't get to tell him", we may be missing a more important point. If I tell someone truthfully that I love him or her and then it is I who dies, that's important. To leave someone with the clear information that we had prized them is a wonderful thing.

Eb/D#


30 May 01 - 12:02 AM (#472796)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: mousethief

Well said, everybody! Glad I stuck my neck out; sometimes by going too far in one direction it helps people see the middle better. I especially like what you had to say, Jeri.

Alex


30 May 01 - 12:13 AM (#472802)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Peg

Kendall, your post really moved me.

I lost a dear, young friend to a horrible car crash this year. He died instantly. We were in touch via email a week or so before. We were meaning to get together in New York so he could show off his new gourmet cooking skills. We never did.

NEVER take it for granted that you will live forever, or even to be a ripe old age.

Things change on a dime and we often don't get that last chance to say I love you, to watch the sunset, to read (or write) that poem, or to eat that ice cream...

Of course overindulging is unhealthy. But I do NOT think that is what Kendall was saying. he is a pretty health-minded guy from what I know of him. I think it was unfair to attack that aspect of his post.

Peg


30 May 01 - 12:24 AM (#472810)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: mousethief

He seems to have gotten over it, Peg, and indeed he said he understood where I was coming from. Why don't you leave me alone, or let's duke it out in PM's?

Alex


30 May 01 - 12:30 AM (#472813)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Peg

Alex, I am thoroughly convinced you go around this message board looking for fights. I did not mention you by name and you certainly are acting mighty defensive, given that.

PLEASE don't hijack this lovely thread as you do so many others.


30 May 01 - 06:00 AM (#472890)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: kendall

Why do I so often "drop a clod in the churn" when I'm trying to be nice?


30 May 01 - 07:57 AM (#472915)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: LR Mole

Well, yeah...but some us exhausted our supply of "I love you's" back in flowerchild times. Makes it difficult to remember what it felt like to say it sincerely. If we were.
But this is petty on my part. Certainly, we don't do enough of what's really important, not in time at least, and then we live with the regret.It's a thing to ponder, and May is a better season for resolutions than January.


30 May 01 - 09:53 AM (#472973)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)

Kendall, you are a gem and your wisdom and good intentions shone through your post. You've been generous throughout this discussion. Thank you for reminding me to be aware of the gifts in life- I've had more than my share, and I have to remember to remind the people I love just how much they mean to me.
Mousethief, yours was a good warning. But maybe for another thread?


30 May 01 - 10:11 AM (#472993)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Patrish(inactive)

I agree with Animaterra.
Sometimes we live life so fast, we forget the importantance of slow, of taking time.
Over the last few weeks, life has been full of those moments you want to last forever - they were self indulgant, but I was being self indulgent with lots of other catters!
Patrish x


30 May 01 - 11:33 AM (#473049)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Peg

Kendall, just to focus on one part of your post (the evil ice cream!)...

I agree with the suggestion for BALANCE. Being a Libra-Scorpio cusp, as well as having a Capricorn rising and Capricorn moon, I find my body reacts negatively if I do not try to achieve balance in my habits.

Yet, I am a sensualist, lover of beauty and pleasure, and balance need not be about asceticism...

An example, in terms of food which is one aspect of this discussion: I eat basically the same breakfast every day: fresh fruit (in season and organic if possible), coffee (a blend of organic dark roast and decaf beans and chicory) with cream, and whole-grain toast with organic butter.

Could I do without the butter and cream? Of course; but the other aspects of the meal are healthy, and it gives me pleasure and starts my day off right.

If I want to cleanse or lose some weight, I might adjust my morning meal for a while (fresh fruit with organic yogurt and herbal tea, usually); but eventually I go back to eating what works for me.

Sometimes on a Sunday I might have crumpets with peach jam, or bacon and eggs. If I ate this every day, it would not be good; but occasionally, it makes me happy and does no damage.

I think enforced denial of pleasure causes stress; and this is far more detrimental to well-being than the worst of our vices...

Many oldsters out there claim a whiskey and a cigar every day keeps them young...

Now if I could figure out the proper sex equation as it relates to all this...


30 May 01 - 01:08 PM (#473127)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: DougR

Just have a lot of it, Peg, and don't worry about it. :>) It seems to me you live a very sensible life. DougR


30 May 01 - 01:11 PM (#473128)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: kendall

I've never met a Scorpio I didn't like. (I'm Taurus) we Taureans also are hedonistic. Everything I have read about balance points to natural foods, nuts, berries, vegetables, fruit, plenty of clean water to flush out the toxins, and, as much sex as you want. The foods will keep your body healthy and, the sex will keep your stress level at a healthy level. (I'm not a doctor, but, I stayed at a Holiday Inn last year) Oh, and above all HUMOR!!


30 May 01 - 01:19 PM (#473135)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: mousethief

Just before I lost my innocence, I was virgo rising. :)


30 May 01 - 02:50 PM (#473208)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Peg

well, thanks for all that advice! I will, er, get right on it...

Venus rules Taurus and Libra; hence the love of beautiful things etc.

Taurus tends to prefer catalog and boutique shopping; Libra likes antique shops and thrift stores...:)

Peg


30 May 01 - 02:55 PM (#473212)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: DougR

What rules Pisces, Peg? I'm one of those fishes.


30 May 01 - 04:13 PM (#473261)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: mousethief

What about used book shops? Although I like antique stores and thrift shops, I like used book stores much much more. And I'm not even on the cusp! (Oct 6.)

Alex


30 May 01 - 09:26 PM (#473356)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Peg

Pisces is ruled by Neptune; this planet, in addition to ruling this water sign also rules the realms of dreams, the imagination, the occult and drugs...

I have a Neptune/Venus conjunctionin Scorpio...


30 May 01 - 09:37 PM (#473363)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: kendall

Interesting, I like lawn sales and thrift shops. Venus definitly rules Taurus. I have 5 planets in Taurus, does that mean anything? Seems excessive to me.


30 May 01 - 09:40 PM (#473365)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Peg

Kendall; having that many planets in one sign is fairly significant.

If your sun, moon, and rising are all in the same sign you are said to a "triple" whatever...

so many planets in Taurus? well I would have to know which ones and where your moon and rising are, but off the top of my head I would say you are acquisitive, stubborn, possessive, take pride and joy in your belongings, and probably enjoy fine food and drink quite a lot...


30 May 01 - 09:48 PM (#473377)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: kendall

Wrong! I do enjoy good food, and, an occasional drink. I never spend money I dont have for things I dont need to impress people I dont like. I dont know what planets I have, in fact, I dont know if I believe all that horoscope stuff. We Taureans are skeptical you know!


30 May 01 - 09:52 PM (#473381)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: DougR

I hope it's not painful, Peg. :>) DougR


30 May 01 - 09:55 PM (#473382)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Peg

the cusp or the conjunction Doug?

;)


31 May 01 - 02:58 AM (#473449)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: DougR

"I have a Neptune/Venus Conjunction Scorpio," Peg! **BG**. I have no doubt that you have a marvelous Cusp! DougR


31 May 01 - 10:52 AM (#473603)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Peg

oops that was a run-on it should have said conjunction IN Scorpio...

the cusp makes life interesting, the conjunction makes it comical and horrifying on any given day of the week...

Life is a rich pageant.


31 May 01 - 08:18 PM (#474029)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: DougR

Peg, you have a good sense of humor, and I like your attitude (on all matters except politics :>))


31 May 01 - 09:59 PM (#474092)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: kendall

Oh, yeah? well, I like her politics too!


31 May 01 - 10:30 PM (#474117)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Peg

easy boys easy! There is enough of me to go around! (in cyberspace, anyway).

Thanks Doug! :)


01 Jun 01 - 01:03 AM (#474231)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: DougR

Pisceans love cyberspace! And Kendall, one might think (if they hadn't read previsous posts) that you are a liberal! Say it isn't so! (you'll never live down 1964!) **BG** DougR


01 Jun 01 - 10:41 AM (#474427)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Peg

I had always gotten the impression Kendall was quite liberal politically...he is a Typical Taurus in his grasp of matters metephysical however...

You say "liberal" like it's a dirty word, Doug! :)


01 Jun 01 - 01:00 PM (#474529)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: kendall

"Live down 1964?" Not really, I can say Im better informed now than I was back then.


03 Jun 01 - 04:19 PM (#475935)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: DougR

Peg, I say "liberal" with the same tone of voice liberal's say conservative. But have you noticed that according to the U. S. press, there are no liberal Democrats? They are all moderates. Think the press thinks liberal is a naughty word? :>)

DougR


03 Jun 01 - 05:36 PM (#475981)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: kendall

Not to me. I'm proud to say I'm a liberal.


04 Jun 01 - 01:36 PM (#476039)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Peg

I think it got to be a dirty word during Dukakis' campaign when he did not own the word proudly when it was lobbed at him as an attack...

I am proud to be a red-hot liberal myself...


05 Jun 01 - 01:06 PM (#476861)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: LR Mole

Aargh! Now I have to go to the dentist! Can I speed this up?


05 Jun 01 - 01:11 PM (#476865)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: DougR

Kendell and Peg, two of my favorite liberals! I'm proud you're proud!

DougR


05 Jun 01 - 01:53 PM (#476904)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: BobP

Two cents, please?

As one without particular religious or political affiliation,

Could anyone please put in a word for us folk who have strong leanings in both extremes plus unabashed, centrist positions (at did Clinton, most successful politician of the century, says me).

Every worthwhile "conservative" ought have liberal leaning on some issues, and every worthwhile liberal ought to have conservative leanings on some issues.

I know I do.

And two of the most discussed political figures in history, Tom Jefferson and Tom Paine, did.

At various times both those fellows were reviled and worshiped by both right and left.

To hold no contrary notions is to be a machine.


05 Jun 01 - 02:25 PM (#476927)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: DougR

I suspect you're right, BobP, I know I lean both ways, but lean mostly toward the conservative side. I'm not quite sure what the middle is. Is that like being a bit pregnant?

DougR


05 Jun 01 - 03:46 PM (#476987)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: BobP

Doug,

The middle is where you get to first, then hold your ground; selectively welcoming similar types, while ignoring those from one extreme and casting aspersions on those at other extreme.

It's not easy, you gotta be smart, quick, determined and have a partner who shares those qualities plus the ambition to push mercilessly in case you happen to stumble (sound like Bill&Hill?). Did you hear what A. Specter said in his recent book. He recently took the impeachment hawks to task for failing to understand one thing about Bill, he could add.

Knowing that the worst case vote count could not convict, Bill adopted the strategy of letting the process pay out which made the hawks look silly, and lessened the chances that he'd face post office procecution.

He continually allowed his lieutenants on the hill offer hope that they might vote for a lesser charge. And offer that guaranteed an end-game that he could not lose.

What he lacked in moral compass he made up for in comprehension. Lesson: a moral compass is a fine thing, but if you let it push your too far to one side or the other you can get knocked off by someone with both feet planted.

It's funny that Bush got his political comupance from a republican moderate, because when Bill was honcho there were no republican moderates - just a vast right wing conspriacy.


05 Jun 01 - 04:24 PM (#477012)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: Pseudolus

I think it's an awesome idea after 10 years to go for a triple decker!! The memories of that splurge could take you through the next ten!! OK, so maybe if the next ten is measured in months and then weeks and then days, hours etc., maybe it wasn't such a good idea.... :) But if you take the time, savor each scoop, each taste, then it CAN last! Not just ice cream, it could be sitting in the park on a nice day, calling some friends and getting together for a pick-up baseball game.....as adults, how many of you would enjoy that but haven't done it?

Great thread Kendall, thanks!
Frank


05 Jun 01 - 10:34 PM (#477241)
Subject: RE: Help: slow down
From: DougR

Perhaps, BobP, but I would hardly refer to Jeffords as a moderate, myself. Spector either, as far as that's concerned. I think they wear their liberal badges proudly.