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BS: The Creation

04 Jun 01 - 01:31 PM (#476031)
Subject: The Creation
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)

In the begining was the plan
And then came the assumptions
And the assumptions were without form
And the darkness was upon the faces of the workers
And they spake unto their group heads, saying
"it is a crock of shit, and it stinketh"
And the group heads went unto their section heads, and sayeth
"it is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odour thereof"
And the section heads went unto their managers, and sayeth unto them
"it is a container of excrement, and it is very strong such as none here may abide by it"
And the managers went unto their director, and sayeth unto him
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength"
And the directors went unto their director general, and sayeth"
"it contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong"
And the director general went unto the assistant deputy minister, and sayeth
"it promotes growth, and it is very powerful"
And the ADM went unto the deputy minister, and sayeth unto him
This powerful new plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of the department, and this area in particular"
And the assistant deputy minister looked upon the plan, And saw that it was good
And thus the plan became policy
Here endeth the lesson, Aye

04 Jun 01 - 01:35 PM (#476038)
Subject: RE: BS: The Creation
From: jeffp

Too true, too true.

Dave, I didn't know you worked for my company.

jeffp

04 Jun 01 - 01:41 PM (#476046)
Subject: RE: BS: The Creation
From: MMario

I've always wondered who put my employers stratagy plan out on the internet.

04 Jun 01 - 01:43 PM (#476051)
Subject: RE: BS: The Creation
From: Little Hawk

Ha! Ha! Good one, Dave! An interesting demonstration of how the mortal, earthbound mind condemns and judges something as worthless...while the higher, enlightened mind sees its place and its utility in the scheme of things...

Thus "shit" becomes valuable fertilizer! As any Taoist would probably tell you. They used to collect it for the fields in China. :-)

Thanks for the great parable.

- LH

04 Jun 01 - 01:49 PM (#476060)
Subject: RE: BS: The Creation
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)

The above piece was written some years ago after repeated attempts to automate my workplace. Twenty upgrades and multi computer packages later we are still facing the same problems. Glad you enjoy it. (i'm off work sick so i've nothing better to do with my time lol) Yours, Aye. Dave

04 Jun 01 - 01:53 PM (#476066)
Subject: RE: BS: The Creation
From: Little Hawk

Yeah. I decided to play "angel's advocate" on this one, just to be different. You can look at it either way. It does sound a lot like the sort of nonsense that used to occur at Bell Canada when I worked there.

- LH

04 Jun 01 - 03:50 PM (#476194)
Subject: RE: BS: The Creation
From: katlaughing

Well done, Dave! Thanks for sharing.

Feel better,

kat

04 Jun 01 - 05:52 PM (#476279)
Subject: RE: BS: The Creation
From: Jeri

And from David Diamond (ToneDeafDave):

ESSAY IN CREATIVE SPECIFICATION
In the Beginning was the Specification,
And the Specification was without form, and void,
And Darkness was upon the face of the programmers.
And they spake unto their Leader, saying,
"It is a crock of ****, and none may abide the odor thereof."

And it was Leader, and it was Manager, the first level.
Now the Leader spake unto his Manager, saying,
"It is a crock of excrement, and none may abide the odor thereof."

And it was Manager, and it was Manager, the second level.
Now that Manager spake unto his Manager, saying,
"It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong,
Such that none may abide before it."

And it was Manager, and it was Manager, the third level.
Now that Manager spake unto his Manager, saying,
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And it was Manager, and it was Manager, the fourth level.
Now that Manager spake unto his Manager, saying,
"It containeth that which aids the growth of plants, and it is very strong."

And it was Manager, and it was Manager, the fifth level.
Now that Manager spake unto his Manager, saying,
"It promoteth growth, and it is very powerful."

And it was Manager, and it was Manager, the sixth level.
Now that Manager spake unto his Vice-President, saying,
"This powerful new product will help promote the growth of the Company."

And the Vice-President looked at the product,
and saw that it was good.

For the record, I wrote the above in late 1970 or 1971 in honor of a colleague and friend, whose favorite terminology for the conditions under which we were then working occurs, bowdlerized, in the first verse. I didn't sign it, but various friends asked for copies, and one of these made 200 more copies on the first day. I have seen various versions since, one even with someone else's signature, the rest unsigned. The concept has even been incorporated into a song, with the added idea that the original programmer, hearing the announcement of the great new product, wishes (s)he could have worked on something so interesting. The folk process continues even as we speak...

---------------
...not to say that more than one mind couldn't come up with the same idea.

04 Jun 01 - 06:09 PM (#476288)
Subject: RE: BS: The Creation
From: Uncle_DaveO

There can be independent creation, yes, but there's WAY too much duplication of specific lines here for that!

Dave Oesterreich

04 Jun 01 - 06:11 PM (#476290)
Subject: RE: BS: The Creation
From: catspaw49

Well penned Dave.....and sadly the private sector works(?) about the same.

Spaw

04 Jun 01 - 06:18 PM (#476295)
Subject: RE: BS: The Creation
From: SINSULL

And our government too. Wonder how we survive? The beauty of working for a small company is that this process usually gets cut off at the pass as long as employees feel free to speak up. Sometimes I think a 401K is a small price to pay.

04 Jun 01 - 07:44 PM (#476350)
Subject: RE: BS: The Creation
From: Bill D

I have known Dave Diamond for 20 years, and I know I heard him recite this and had a copy of it for at least 12-15....who knows where ideas come from? I wonder how many potters independantly came up with the idea of 'handles'

04 Jun 01 - 07:50 PM (#476360)
Subject: RE: BS: The Creation
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)

I have never seen the original work before.. This was penned from one that was extemporised for my place of work; but I have to credit the originator for a fine composition. Like Sea Shanties "different ships different long splices" I just put it here to entertain. Yours, Aye. Dave ( who cant work on his boat and is very bored)

04 Jun 01 - 08:09 PM (#476383)
Subject: RE: BS: The Creation
From: Jeri

There has to be a muse for this type of thing, Dave. She might have just visited both of you with the same inspiration. Stranger things have happened.

The original lends itself to this subject, and once you come up with "crock of shit," everything else just sort of follows naturally if you want to bring it back to "And saw that it was good." I remember seeing a military version sometime in the late 80s, and it was titled "The Plan."

In any case, it's funny - probably because it has so much truth in it.