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Song Challenge! - Part 55

17 Jun 01 - 09:59 AM (#485395)
Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Áine

Alrightey, Challenge!rs, here we go again -- We put on our red Keds and blue overalls for the last Challenge!; but, for this one, we're scrubbing up, tying on green gowns, slipping on the paper booties, and sticking a can of Skoll in our jeans pockets . . .

He's A Long, Tall Surgeon -- (Indianapolis, IN) A spokesperson for the MidWest Medical Center announced today that the hospital would remove all spittoons from its surgical intensive care unit, following complaints by patients.

"This has all been a colossal misunderstanding, and we want to put it behind us", said hospital spokesman Henry O'Toole. According to O'Toole, the 19th century-style saliva receptacles had been placed in the intensive care unit by Dr. Nick Testa, a staff surgeon.

Anonymous sources within the hospital described Dr. Testa's reputation as a surgical "cowboy", a part he had increasingly tried to play to the maximum.

"First people were just referring to him as a 'cowboy' because he basically took anyone to the OR, no matter what their problem was", said the source. "Then about five years ago, he started wearing hand-tooled cowboy boots...OK, lots of surgeons do that."

Apparently several staff were upset when Dr. Testa tried last month to operate on a patient wearing a Lone Ranger style mask, after earlier wearing a bandana pulled up over his handlebar moustache, instead of a standard surgical mask.

"He was just yelling: 'This IS my mask, this IS my mask', when they tried to get him out of the OR", according to Sally Stevens, a MidWestern scrub nurse.

Many staff members regarded as amusing Testa's practice of carrying his stethoscope in a holster, drawing it with a rapid motion when he intended to examine a patient. However, when Testa brought three large brass spittoons into the surgical intensive care unit, patients and their families began to complain.

Testa's habit of chewing tobacco and spitting towards the spittoons reportedly became increasingly disruptive to intensive care unit staff, who frequently had to change intravenous lines and dressings when Testa missed his mark.

According to O'Toole, Dr. Testa is currently on vacation in Montana, and so is unavailable for comment.

Go For It, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

17 Jun 01 - 10:47 AM (#485408)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: wysiwyg

Hardiman will be especially interested in the idea of setting up spittoons in various locations.... thanks for the tip! Duh, SPITTOONS! Why, that oughtta make things MUCH better around the house, too!

~S~

17 Jun 01 - 12:23 PM (#485455)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: McGrath of Harlow

Hank Wangford should definitely hear of this one...

17 Jun 01 - 01:11 PM (#485486)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Dharmabum

MAMAS DON'T LET YOUR COWBOYS GROW UP TO BE SURGEONS

I went to the O.R.to have them do a procedure,
I laid on the table,they tried to gimme some gas,
But when I saw the look on the face of the surgeon,
I got up & ran I said "No thanks I think I will pass."

Instead of a gown, he wore a vest with a tin star,
On his side was a holster that he put his stethoscope in,
My concern was aroused when I looked behind his bandana,
& Saw that brown gooey liquid dribbling off of his chin.

(chorus)
Mams don't let your cowboys grow up to be surgeons,
Don't let 'em use scalpels & surgical stuff,
While chewin tabacky & snortin their snuff,
Mamas don't let your cowboys grow up to be surgeons,
Mak'em poke cows & drive pickup trucks,
They shouldn't drive Jags & Beemers & such.

He walked in the O.R his spurs was jingle & janglin,
On top of his head he wore a ten gallon hat,
His pants were all shiny from years of ridin the saddle,
While spinning his lasso he said"Now,where's my patient at."

The air had filled up with the odor of equine distinction,
His handlebar moustache barely would fit through the door,
I knew I must run,I knew my life was in danger,
When he lifted his mask & spit out his chaw on the floor.

(chorus)
Mamas don't let your cowboys grow up to be surgeons,
Don't let'em use scalpels & surgical stuff,
While chewin tabacky & snortin their snuff,
Mamas don't let you cowboys grow up to be surgeons,
Mak'em poke cows & drive pickup trucks,
They shouldn't drive Jags & Beemers & such.

DB.

17 Jun 01 - 02:27 PM (#485515)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Amos

LOL!! Good shew DB, good shew!! -- only an hour from post to first finish!! Purdy good!!

17 Jun 01 - 02:44 PM (#485520)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: MMario

tough act to follow, too!

17 Jun 01 - 02:44 PM (#485521)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Áine

Yee-haw, DB!! A fantastic first entry for this one ;-)

Here's your S.B.L.O.B. for:

Way to go! -- Áine

17 Jun 01 - 02:49 PM (#485523)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Uncle_DaveO

Sorry to be a spoilsport, but somehow this story didn't strike me as having too much credibility. I let my fingers do the walking

There are some Testas in the Indianapolis alphabetical phone book, but no Nick or Nicholas. All right, he might have an unlisted number.

The Yellow Section under Physicians and Surgeons, MD & DO, shows no Testas.

There _IS_ a Midwest Medical Center, but it is an occupational health type facility, and as such I wonder if they are too likely to have an intensive care facility. Maybe.

But that Lone Ranger mask sounds phoney to me. The whole thing sounds like too much of "a good story".

The old curmudeon, Dave Oesterreich

17 Jun 01 - 02:50 PM (#485524)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: MMario

oh heck, Dave, who cares if it's true if we can get some good songs out of it? or even some funny ones?

17 Jun 01 - 03:08 PM (#485531)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Áine

Dear DaveO and all my darlin' Challenge!rs -- I swear on all things green that this is a legitimate news story that I found on a legitimate news service . . . really . . .

-- Áine

(now quit laughing, dang it . . . no, really, really, I did , , , ;-))

17 Jun 01 - 05:42 PM (#485603)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: GUEST,sorry Monty Python

I never wanted to do this job in the first place!
I... I wanted to be... A Surgeon (piano vamp)
Running from bed to bed! As we go on our morning rounds in the hospitals of Indianna. With the staff nurse by my side. The Gallstone, The Traciotemy, The Mighty Heart Transplant, The Hangnail and The Sex change operation. We'd sing! Sing! SING!

Oh I'm a Surgeon and I'm ok.
I work all night and I work all day

Chorus:
He's a Surgeon and He's ok.
He works all night and he works all day
I prep patients, I eat my lunch and I do surgery,
I wear's my boots while cutting,
and Quick draw when you shout three.

He preps patients, He eat his lunch and he does surgery,
He wear's his boots while cutting,
and Quick draws when you shout three

Chorus:
He's a Surgeon and He's ok.
He works all night and he works all day
I prep patients, I struts me stuff, I like to play quick draw,
I put on cowboy clothing,
and scrub for surgery.

He preps patients, He struts his stuff, He likes to play quick draw,
He put on cowboy clothing,
and scrubs for surgery.?

Chorus:
He's a Surgeon and He's ok.
He works all night and he works all day
I prep patients, I wear a mask, bandanna and a gun,
I spit when I am cutting
just like my dear papa.

He preps patients, He wears a mask, bandanna and a gun.
He spits when he is cutting??

Whats this spit while cutting

Oh My and i thought you were just gung ho, Cowboy!!

Chorus
He's a surgeon and he away . . .

NO comment from today

line breaks fixed by mudelf ;-)

17 Jun 01 - 06:22 PM (#485624)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Uncle_DaveO

Dear Aine, if you tell me it's legit, it's legit!!!

Dave Oesterreich

17 Jun 01 - 11:08 PM (#485761)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Áine

Here's the humble offering of TGG -- no sniggering now, I worked really hard on this ;-) (oh, go ahead . . . ) -- One point of clarification for you younger 'Catters, however; the 'bright white Maria' (pronouned 'mah-rye-uh') is a not-so-veiled reference to the 'Black Maria', which was a term that was used (at least here in Texas) for the 'paddy wagon' or the vehicle in which one was hauled off the to hoosgow (read 'jail').

I hope all of you like this rare venture of mine into the realms of genius in which my dear Challenge!rs rule completely . . .

Whoopee Tie Him Up
(Tune: Whoopee Ti Yi Yo)

The alarm went off in the firehouse that mornin',
So the fellas and I rolled the ladder truck out,
'27' the code, a nut on a rooftop,
It was business as usual, without a doubt.

And what to our wondrin' eyes should appear,
When we pulled up close to the hospital wall,
But a baldin' Long Ranger, as nekid as noon,
Swingin' two stethascopes and having a ball!

Chorus:
Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
They're haulin' your spittoons right outa the door,
Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
The shrink and his hypo are rarin' to go!

Well, we spread out the jump net and cranked up the ladder,
Played 'scissors and stone' to see who'd go this time,
Wouldn't ya know, I lost the last round, so
I pulled up my boots and I started to climb.

It was when I reached the top of the ladder,
I saw a sight that I cannot forget,
There was Dr. Testa, the famous brain surgeon,
A real 'Looney Tune', I was willin' to bet.

Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
They're haulin' your spittoons right outa the door,
Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
The shrink and his hypo are rarin' to go!

He aimed his six shootin' stethascopes right at me,
Pulled 'em outa his holster, held up by his paunch,
The nurses there cringed when he raised his bandana,
And puckered, his next spew of 'backy to launch.

'Hold on there, Cowboy,' I said to him slowly,
'I got sumpin' here that you just might enjoy,'
With tremblin' hands and a dribblin' mustache,
He took my can of Red Man like it was a toy.

Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
They're haulin' your spittoons right outa the door,
Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
The shrink and his hypo are rarin' to go!

We climbed down that ladder, the bestest of buddies,
Though the view of his rump put me straight off my lunch,
I waved as he rode off in the bright white Maria,
And he grinned as the dip of my chaw he still munched.

Well, I never did hear what became of the Doctor,
'Yosemite Sam', compleat in the raw,
I still think of him kindly, that OR Lone Ranger,
And hope that he's gettin' his share of good chaw.

Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
They're haulin' your spittoons right outa the door,
Whoopee tie him up, come along Dr. Cowboy,
The shrink and his hypo are rarin' to go!

-- Áine

18 Jun 01 - 12:14 AM (#485778)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Amos

LOL!!! What imagery!!! I'm ROTFLMAO!!! You are WHAN HOOOOT GG!

18 Jun 01 - 01:47 AM (#485809)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: JenEllen

Well done all! Can't tell you how much this story gave me a laugh. Okay, humble contribution.....

Goodbye Spitoon (Goodbye Old Paint)

Oh when I'm fired
Take my diploma from the wall
Get my stethoscope and throw it in the hall
My spitoon's in the garbage
For everyone to pass
10 years of med school and I'm out on my ass

I'm chewin' Copenhagen, I'm chewin' my Skoal
Just couldn't hit that little brass hole
Some quacks do dumpster basketball
Like Dr J. and the rest
But now the posse's gunning for
The fastest chaw in the the mid-west

I could handle everything
Appendectomies to colds
Now I'm hired for birthday parties
For five year olds
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR

Nobody liked it in exams
When the juice'd just spurt
I'd say "Hand over your tonsils
And no one gets hurt"
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR

I'm chewin' Copenhagen, I'm chewin' my Skoal
Just couldn't hit that little brass hole
Some do dumpster basketball
Like Dr J. and the rest
But now the posse's gunning for
The fastest chaw in the the mid-west
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR

18 Jun 01 - 07:42 AM (#485905)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Dharmabum

Guest,Aine,Jen,Wunnerful,Wunnerful!!!!!!!!!!

DB.

18 Jun 01 - 11:42 AM (#485954)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: GUEST,Montana Monkey

Doc's Holliday

As I went in Montana one morning
A handsome young doctor I happened to spy
With new cowboy boots and a plug of tobacco
He looked dejected and I asked him why?

Once in the O.R. I chewed on my Red Man
Once in the O.R. I used my spittoon
But they made me stop chewing and now I'm Boo-Hooing
My spit is not welcome in the O. Room

They thought it was grating and so irritating
They thought it was bad when He spit on the floor
He was operating but the mess they were hating
The mess they were hating so they showed him the door

So work your gums slowly
Your breath is like coal ee
And play Wyatt Erp while you open my spleen
It shouldn't be too hard

To keep me from the grave yard
Watch where you spit if you know what I mean

line breaks added by mudelf ;-)

18 Jun 01 - 11:48 AM (#485961)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: GUEST,Montana Monkey

Doc's Holliday

As I went in Montana one morning
A handsome young doctor I happened to spy
With new cowboy boots and a plug of tobacco
He looked dejected and I asked him why?

Once in the O.R. I chewed on my Red Man
Once in the O.R. I used my spittoon
But they made me stop chewing and now I'm Boo-Hooing
My spit is not welcome in the O. Room

They thought it was grating and so irritating
They thought it was bad when He spit on the floor
He was operating but the mess they were hating
The mess they were hating so they showed him the door

So work your gums slowly; Your breath is so dirty
And play Wyatt Earp while you open my spleen
It shouldn't be too hard To keep me from the grave yard
Watch where you spit if you know what I mean

Copyright 2001 Rob Dale all rights reserved

18 Jun 01 - 03:42 PM (#486256)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Áine

Great stuff so far, Challenge!rs!! Here are your Silver B.L.O.B.s --

To JenEllen for:

Nobody liked it in exams
When the juice'd just spurt
I'd say "Hand over your tonsils
And no one gets hurt"
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR

To Montana Monkey for:

So work your gums slowly Your breath is so dirty
And play Wyatt Erp while you open my spleen
It shouldn't be too hard To keep me from the grave yard
Watch where you spit if you know what I mean

And to our apologetic GUEST for:

He preps patients,
He struts his stuff,
He likes to play quick draw,
He put on cowboy clothing,
and scrubs for surgery.?

Anyone else have a good one that you haven't shared with us yet???

-- Áine

18 Jun 01 - 04:02 PM (#486268)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: mousethief

Big, Bad Doc
tune: Big, Bad John

He was six-foot-four, and strode into OR
With a wad of Copenhagen and a three-inch scar
With sh*t on his boots and his hair black with tar,
That's Doc.
(Big Doc, big Doc, big bad Doc)

He wore silver scalpels on his snake-boot heels
And if he showered more, he'd have sex appeal
And whenever he spoke, it wasn't too genteel
That's Doc. (etc.)

No ordinary ordinary showed him the ropes
He wore leather holsters for his stethoscopes
And he growled, "Ye varmints!" at the working dopes
That's Doc.

Now the nurses didn't mind this Yosemite Sam
Till he tried to install his spitoon can
In the OR next to where the oxygen stands
That Doc.

One day in OR they took him to task
He wouldn't operate without his "Lone Ranger" mask,
A bandana 'round his neck, and a hip-pocket flask,
That's Doc.

(ritardando)
Now he's out on leave underneath the Big Sky
That snuff-chewin' surgeon who's none-too-shy
And the nursing staff say, "That's one weird, weird guy."
That's Doc.

(a tempo)
Big Doc, Big Doc, Big bad Doc.

©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

18 Jun 01 - 04:28 PM (#486288)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: mousethief

Aine, change the spelling of the first "ordinary" before you put it in the songbook, s'il vous plait!

Thanks,
Alex

18 Jun 01 - 04:38 PM (#486299)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: GUEST,SharonA

Áine -

Here goes nothin'... I'm aiming for that All-in-One Award, and I do mean all, after reviewing the Song Challenge!s from the Past page (are parts 17 and 35 deleted on purpose?).

Pronunciation guide:
virtual=two syllables ("vur--chool" or "vur-tyool" or "vurch-wull")
CA="see-ay"

I'm using the tune found in DT, though I had thought there was another syllable in the last line before the chorus. The Song Challenge!s are numbered for easy reference but the numbers are not to be sung. Okay; I'm ready now...

SONG CHALLENGE!S GONE BY
(Tune: Ghost Riders in the Sky)

1) A man who's caught red-butted
2) An inebriating treat
3) A bee that's tagged for tracking
4) And a wedding "While-U-Meet"
5) WiseWimmin, Munchkin birth and death
6) A virtual cattle buy
7) Some magic'lly delicious shapes
8) Ghost chickens in the sky.

Rumors so low, sources so high
Song Challenge!s gone by

9) A tribute to the taste buds
10) Ferret-busts out in CA
11) A fine tradition kept and thrown
12) The moose's right-of-way
13) A one-hundred-percent-off sale
14) A sticky-fingered plight
15) The Lent that's banned in Boston now
16) The dull men's dull website.

They made us laugh till we would cry
Song Challenge!s gone by

17) Hairdressers who, um, know for sure
18) A hard drive that's possessed
19) Eight days without a Twinkie
20) Ranking songbirds, worst to best
21) A sound effect for ev'ry fib
22) A cock who'd not be lunch
23) Two blossoming libido-slaves
24) An Easter Rabbit-punch.

Stooping so low, rising so high
Song Challenge!s gone by

25) The Undergarden Railroad gnomes
26) Senility with guns
27) Wild Turkey in the swimmin' hole
28) A belch with rising suns
29) A raccoon's three-week drinking binge
30) A Kudu Chip Spit Fair
31) The tale of Johnny-in-a-spot
32) Authentic mermaid wear.

"Make up a tale; tell us no lie"
Song Challenge!s gone by

33) Somebody dumped somebody's ashes
34) Some guys just can't win
35) Some foxes can't take pressure
36) Some think chain-gang dates are "in"
37) Old Nessie's got some rivals
38) Kindly Shorty left 'em cold
39) They offer cream and rubber here
40) And tons of bread on "hold".

"Who, what and where? When, how and why?"
Song Challenge!s gone by

41) Are nipples Braille for blind men?
42) Of which creatures shall we write?
43) Does feng-shui work with coffins?
44) Was the pig's a round-trip flight?
45) Is there a brain in Arkansas?
46) ...and in Sri Lanka, too?
47) Will that ice ceiling ever melt?
48) Did Moscow have a loo?

"Sing your song low, warble it high"
Song Challenge!s gone by

49) A cow without a parachute
50) A flushing Golden Throne
51) Revenge for all the lamb chops
52) And the Ooze of the Unknown
53) A chocoholic monkey
54) And a quest for Cheerios
55) A doctor's spitting image, too...
...and on the Challenge! goes.

There will be more — they'll never die —
Song Challenge!s gone by

Song Challenge!s gone by

I read just a few of the award-winning songs (enough to find Challenge! part 17!) and almost nothing from the past Song Challenge! threads (I was trying to be original and not plagiarize), so I'm sorry if I've unintentionally repeated someone else's pun. I've heard "Ghost Chickens" performed, so I did borrow that pun.

My apologies to mousethief; I started this just before (s)he submitted the Cheerios parody of "Ghost Riders". I guess that makes us the googolth and googol-first to skewer the poor song.

SharonA

18 Jun 01 - 04:41 PM (#486300)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: mousethief

"He"; actually I didn't do a Cheerios parody of Ghost Riders; I just thought about it.

Alex

18 Jun 01 - 05:24 PM (#486345)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: GUEST,SharonA

Mr. (!) mousethief: Oh, right, that was Dharmabum's song, followed by your comment. I was working from faulty memory; I've been having log-on and error problems all day (hurricane leftovers, I suppose) so I wasn't able to check the source. When the #!&% computer finally linked to Mudcat, I sent the song while I could. My apologies to you both!

i AM the weakest link

good-bye!

18 Jun 01 - 05:46 PM (#486375)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: mousethief

Now Sharon, if you keep beating yourself up, you'll take all the fun out of us doing it!

Alex

18 Jun 01 - 06:01 PM (#486396)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Dharmabum

No apollogies necessary Sharon.

Great job on the all fer one!

Welcome!

DB.

18 Jun 01 - 06:21 PM (#486424)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Trapper

Here's my entry...

This one has "Blues" in the title, does that make it a Blues song???

- Al

DOCTOR NICK, CODE BLUE
Tune: Lovesick Blues
New Words: Al Boyce

I got a bit of dribblin jooooo -uice,
Since my spitoon said good-bye
And my patient's turnin' blue, I've...
Forgotten to anesthet-i-i-i-i-ize
In that O.R. I thought I'd try
To use my spurs to take a look inside...
Intestines, digestin'
All the while I'm dressed in
Boots of hand tooled leather
And a paisley ban-da-a-a-a-ana

...Patient's starting to scream
I hate to think it's all over
I lost his heart it seems
I've grown a handlebar somehow
And I'm nobody's Doctor Welby now
And I'm hand-some, I'm Doctor Nick, CODE BLUE!

I'm in-sane, I'm in-sane, narcissistic it seems
That's whats the matter with me
I'm in-sane, I'm in-sane, diagnostically,
But I've got my stethescope-hand free

Lawd I tried and tried to keep it sterilized
But they won't let me stay
So now that I am leavin'
This is all I say...

....

THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY, HA-HA
THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY, HO-HO
TO THE FUNNY FARM, WHERE LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL ALL THE TIME....

18 Jun 01 - 06:23 PM (#486428)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Trapper

Here's my entry...

This one has "Blues" in the title, does that make it a Blues song???

- Al

18 Jun 01 - 06:28 PM (#486437)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Trapper

Oops! Sorry for the double post... maybe some nice joe clone will get rid of one of them for me...

- Al

18 Jun 01 - 08:46 PM (#486538)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Amos

Rock By the Old Rio Grande

(Tune: Rockabye Sweet Baby James, by James Taylor)

There is a young Doctor, he dreams of the range
His mind is afloat on a far Western journey
An' he dreams of the saddle, instead of the gurney
Only returning to earn pocket change;

An' as the day fades though he's working his scalpel
And earnin' his keep with his medical skills,
He's really out yonder, away from the people,
Rounding up dogies on the far Western hills,

Givin' tunes out instead of them pills.

He sings, Goodnight, you old gunslingers
Rockabye by the ol' Rio Grande
Mah hand's in yore brains, but my heart's on the plains,
Woncha give my ol' suture a hand?
And rock by the old Rio Grande

He's an ICU medic, out riding the fences,
Hearing the dogies come round to his tunes,
An' lining Recovery with old brass spittoons
With one life in Boston and one oh so far away,

As he's signing prescriptions with half his attention,
Sung to the jingle of bedpans and spurs,
Singing gunslinger's ballads, of his own invention,
For the one thing that heals him, of all of his cures.
Is the sweet Western wind that endures,

He sings -- Goodnight, you old gunslingers
Rockabye by the ol' Rio Grande
Mah hand's in yore brains, but my heart's on the plains,
Woncha give my ol' suture a hand?
And rock by the old Rio Grande

Regards,

18 Jun 01 - 09:06 PM (#486547)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Sorcha

OMIGAWD!!!ROFLMAO, PRIME PWO!

18 Jun 01 - 10:09 PM (#486594)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Amos

Anyone know what PWO stands for?

Puzzled,

19 Jun 01 - 08:59 AM (#486862)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: GUEST,SharonA

Not me. I can't figure out ROFLMAO, either. BTW, what does LOL stand for?

Anyway, Amos, that was BUTful (bee-yoo-tee-ful)!!

Shar

PS - Trapper, I love the sick blues, too!

19 Jun 01 - 09:13 AM (#486869)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Clifton53

CUSPIADOR
Tune is from an opera I think, Carmen? I know less about opera than I do about songwriting.

I am a surgeon a man of high degree
Cuspiador, Cuspiador,
Lie down, and I'll remove your freakin' spleen
Olly Olly ox in free,
They say I'm crazy here, I'm on a spree,
Just put your trust in me.

Look at my snakeskin boots, see how they shine
Cuspiador, Cuspiador
Riding chaps, oh yes the rhinestones they are mine,
Diddle-dee die dee lum dum didle-dee,
There goes your pancreas, I'll fix your knee
Oh whoopee ti yi yee

They tried to stop me, made me jump and shout
Cuspiador, Cuspiador
I tell you, that bloody kidney must come out
Then you'll be fit to sing
Ptooo and spit spit spit, ptooo pting
I'll make your bedpan ring

All of the whitecoats said I was a loon
Cuspiador, Cuspiador,
Why can't a cowboy have his own spitoon?
My belt buckle's five foot four
See how they drag me out, with fevered brow
I guess I'm finished now

Clifton

19 Jun 01 - 11:15 AM (#486986)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Amos

Sorcha was kind enough to elucidate: "Pants wetting opporutnity, dear.". Thus PWO. LOL is laughing out loud, and ROTFLMAO is "Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off". If you put "Internet Abbreviations" into a search engine such as that at Google.com, you will find several sites that collect these cyberspace chat acronyms so you can sound like a real chat weenie if you wish!!! :>)

19 Jun 01 - 11:17 AM (#486989)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Amos

Clifton, all is forgiven. I love it!!! I can just see some barrel chested burley character belting it out at the Met, projecting all the way to the balcones and beyond: CUspia--a--aa--a--DOOOOOOORE!!!!!. LOL!

19 Jun 01 - 11:18 AM (#486990)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: MMario

Toreador song, yes?

19 Jun 01 - 11:22 AM (#486994)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Clifton53

Glad you liked it Amos, always looking for that elusive laugh. And yes MMario, Tor-ee-a dooooorrrrrrr!!!

19 Jun 01 - 11:22 AM (#486995)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: mousethief

Si.

When I was a wee bairn, one of the things my mother used to sing to me was a song to the tune of the Toreador Song, which went something like this:

Toreador, don't spit on the floor
Use the cuspador, that is what it's for...

Alex

19 Jun 01 - 12:19 PM (#487043)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Áine

Well, I must say I am impressed at the quality of entries this time around! I never thought that we'd reach the operatic heights! Brilliant and brilliant . . . So, without further ado or to-do (or kudu, come to think of it), here are the Silver B.L.O.B.s for this last batch of cuspadorial delights:

To mousethief for:

No ordinary ordinary showed him the ropes
He wore leather holsters for his stethoscopes
And he growled, "Ye varmints!" at the working dopes
That's Doc
(Big Doc, big Doc, big bad Doc)

To SharonA for:

The Undergarden Railroad gnomes
Senility with guns
Wild Turkey in the swimmin' hole
A belch with rising suns
A raccoon's three-week drinking binge
A Kudu Chip Spit Fair
The tale of Johnny-in-a-spot
Authentic mermaid wear.

To Trapper for:

I'm in-sane, I'm in-sane, narcissistic it seems
That's whats the matter with me
I'm in-sane, I'm in-sane, diagnostically,
But I've got my stethescope-hand free

To Amos for:

And to Clifton53 for (the delightful!):

Well done, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

19 Jun 01 - 12:58 PM (#487065)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: GUEST,SharonA

Thanks, Áine! ...but no one responded to my query about parts 17 and 35 of the Song Challenge! Are they THAT politically incorrect? (If so, a simple "yes" will do, and I'll shut up about it.) I had the impression that there wasn't a whole lot that was tabu at Mudcat, aside from flaming, trolling and leaving in a huff.

SharonA

19 Jun 01 - 01:01 PM (#487068)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: mousethief

We just don't have memories that stretch back that far, Sharon! What exactly was your question?

Alex

19 Jun 01 - 01:22 PM (#487084)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Áine

Sorry, SharonA -- I was just so excited about all the wonderful Challenge! songs that I forgot to answer your question . . . The only reason that Parts 17 and 35 are missing is that the Keeper of the Book must have slipped a couple a brain synapses . . . or had a couple of her occassional 'BFE's (brain flatulence episode) . . . or she stood too close to a magnet . . .

Thanks for pointing out the missing bits! And rest assured that all will be made whole very soon ;-)

-- Áine

19 Jun 01 - 01:26 PM (#487089)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: MMario

I had the impression that there wasn't a whole lot that was tabu at Mudcat, aside from flaming, trolling and leaving in a huff.

By george, she's got it! I think she's got it!

of course, there is also inhaling while playing Cleigh...but only 'spaw is in danger of that.

19 Jun 01 - 01:35 PM (#487094)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: GUEST,SharonA

But I asked it only yesterday afternoon, in the "preamble" to my all-in-one song! Guess it got lost in the shuffle.

The question is: When I reviewed the Song Challenges! from the Past page, i noticed that parts 17 and 35 are missing from the list. I wondered whether the subjects of those two Challenge!s (the naughty hair salon and the careless taxidermist) were so inflammatory that they were deleted deliberately. Obviously they're not completely wiped off the map, or I wouldn't have found them at all, but I had to do a bit of spelunking through old threads and past Challenge! winners to uncover them. So what gives?

SharonA

19 Jun 01 - 01:42 PM (#487098)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: MMario

I suspect real life intruded.

19 Jun 01 - 01:49 PM (#487102)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: GUEST,SharonA

Man, you guys are fast (answering my question before I'd sent the clarification)!!! Thanks; I'm relieved to find that the Challenge!s weren't censored! Whew!!!

Shar

19 Jun 01 - 02:07 PM (#487123)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: MMario

why would we surrond the song challanges with clouds of incense?

19 Jun 01 - 02:39 PM (#487157)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: MMario

ps - sharon - thank you for your comments on the other thread regarding venom, etc. greatly appreciated. turns out guest may have some good reasons - but it's pretty dang hard to sympathize with the completely anonymous. thank you also for being consistent in your postings as a guest. it's nice to be able to hang some kind of identifier on a post.

19 Jun 01 - 02:46 PM (#487164)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: GUEST,SharonA

Thanks, MMario. I'm sorry that I was testy last week about having to look up line break info for myself like the other adults do. BTW, I printed out the Newcomer's Guide last Friday and read it over the weekend, so THAT won't happen again!

SharA

19 Jun 01 - 02:59 PM (#487174)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: MMario

no - you actually had a very good point - especially as I hadn't explained the reason I sent you to the FAQ rather then tell you straight out.

and congatulations on cramming 55 challenges into one song! WOW!

19 Jun 01 - 03:01 PM (#487175)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: GUEST,SharonA

P.S. - But how do you know I'm not ten people using the same moniker? (hee hee)

P.P.S. - No, no, that nice-smelling, swinging thing is a censEr (but you knew that)!!!!

But enough creeping. I wanna hear spit songs!

19 Jun 01 - 03:08 PM (#487180)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: MMario

ask and ye shall receive. spit song

19 Jun 01 - 03:24 PM (#487194)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: GUEST,SharonA

Gee thanks for THAT mental image. I was trying to forget about the kudu poop. I MEANT tobacco chaw spit... y'know, the current thread (but you knew THAT, too!)...

P.S. - Thanks, all, for the nice compliments.

P.P.S. - Oh yes! in response to your "by George" comment, MMario:
"The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plaaaaain..."

20 Jun 01 - 03:16 PM (#488135)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Trapper

*refresh*

20 Jun 01 - 04:19 PM (#488186)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Áine

You all have done the Song Challenge! proud this time around! Excellent, excellent entries from everyone. So, here are your just awards -- Cudos, congrats and great big thanks for a good time and good songs!

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):
Big, Bad Doc by mousethief
I'm A Surgeon and I'm OK by sorry, Monty Python
Song Challenge!s Gone By by SharonA

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):
Doc's Holiday by Montana Monkey
Goodbye Spitoon by JenEllen
Mamas Don't Let Your Cowboys Grow Up to be Surgeons by Dharmabum

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield (Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield is given to the best blues rendition of any challenge topic):
Doctor Nick, Code Blue by Trapper

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):
Cuspiador by Clifton53

Winners of the Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):
Rock By the Old Rio Grande by Amos

The Keeper of the Book has a new Challenge! idea 'swirling around' somewhere . . . we'll see what the morrow may bring . . . ;-)

-- Áine

20 Jun 01 - 06:43 PM (#488298)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Bradypus

Sorry I'm late ...

Tune is 'Help me make it through the night'

Get That Spittoon Out of Sight

Take that Stetson off your head
You can't wear it any more
Take those spurs off from your boots
They've been scratching up the floor

You've been working here too long
Folks are saying things ain't right
This should be a sterile room
Get that spittoon out of sight

That Lone Ranger mask must go
It's not what you ought to wear
In the operating room
People think that you don't care

The last patient to complain
Simply couldn't understand
The appendectomy was fine
But on his rear you burnt your brand

Saddle up your horse and go
Just ride out into the night
You won't pass muster one more time –
Get that spittoon out of sight

Bradypus

20 Jun 01 - 07:42 PM (#488337)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Dharmabum

Brady, I LIKE IT!!!!! Goodun.

DB.

20 Jun 01 - 07:59 PM (#488351)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Amos

BSEG, Brady!!! Love it.

21 Jun 01 - 10:31 AM (#488782)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Áine

S'alright, Bradypus -- Your songs are always worth waiting for! Don't forget that it's never too late to enter a Challenge! song -- Your entry is here awarded the Golden Cow Chip Award with Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon -- Congratulations!

-- Áine

06 Sep 01 - 03:45 AM (#543178)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Aidan Crossey

To the tune of that scurrilous classic by Shane MacGowan and the Popes "Ceilidh Cowboy"

COWBOY MEDIC
I'm a cowboy medic
I wear hand-tooled cowboy boots
And I sneer at all my colleagues
Who turn up for work in suits
I've got spurs and I wear stetsons
When I'm asked to save your life
I curl my lip at scalpels
I prefer a Bowie knife

My name is Dr Testa
I speak in a languid drawl
I squint into the sun a lot
And whenever there's a brawl
I punch and kick but never sweat
And never take a blow
And when the dust has settled down
I say, "Set 'em up, please, Joe"

Yippee-yi-yo
Yippee-yi-yay
Yodel-odel-o-dee
Yodel-odel-o-dee
Yodel-odel-o-deedle-ay

I'm a connoisseur of 'baccy
I chew it and I spit
You'd better stay away from me
Or else you might get hit
I've got myself diplomas
I got letters by my name
But they don't matter shit to me
When I'm riding on the range

My name is Dr Testa
Some doctors disagree
With my style and my comportment
And they're out to ruin me
They mock my chaps and lariat
They laugh at my spittoon
But they pale when I suggest to them
A duel at High Noon

Yippee-yi-yo
Yippee-yi-yay
Yodel-odel-o-dee
Yodel-odel-o-dee
Yodel-odel-o-deedle-ay

26 Sep 01 - 03:05 PM (#559252)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: GUEST,Mugwa

The Cowboy

I once knew a cowboy from Indiana
Testa was his name
Wore hand-tooled cowboy boots
With a Lone Ranger style mask
He always had his holster
And tobacco for the chewing
He owned 3 large brass spittoons

Oh, I once knew a cowboy from Indiana
Testa was his name
Course he was some kinda doctor
At MidWest Medical Center
The OR as I seem to recall
He'd operate on anybody
If there was something he could do

Oh, I once knew a cowboy from Indiana
Testa was his name
His holster held his stethoscope
He drew it like a gun
Wore a Lone Ranger mask to operate
His spittoons were in surgical ICU
He often missed his mark

Oh, I once knew a cowboy from Indiana
Testa was his name
His patients were pissed
His coworkers were miffed
And the nurse were plan going crazy
Till the center stepped in
And roped their mad cowboy surgeon

Oh, I once knew a cowboy from Indiana
Testa was his name
But then he was roped and wrangled
And made to give up his ways
But he couldn't stand it
So he took himself a vacation
Now he's a cowboy in Montana

Oh, I once knew a cowboy from Indiana
Testa was his name
a cowboy from Indiana
a cowboy from Indiana
oh yeah

27 Sep 01 - 04:06 PM (#560135)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: GUEST,CockRocker

man are these things funny

02 Nov 01 - 07:45 PM (#585087)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 55
From: Áine

Well, you can say that there's a wee bit of light between my seat and my saddle; but, you can't say that I ain't tryin' to narrow it down none . . . ;-)

Catcher-uppers awards thus far:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration (The Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration is awarded for the best cow chip chunking Country version of a song in a Challenge!):

The Cowboy by Mugwa
Cowboy Medic by derrymacash

Well done, you two! -- Áine