28 Jun 01 - 05:14 AM (#493740) Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Áine Once more into the fray and spray, dear Challenge!rs -- This Challenge! is dedicated to Catspaw in celebration of his homecoming and apparent miraculous recovery from surgery. So, jump into this one with both feet and make it really great!
Let's Have Another Cup of Cat Cra . . . uh, Coffee – Well, it seems that the coffee market is being undermined by runaway planting in Vietnam and Indonesia, flooding the market with cheap coffee. Meanwhile, consumption has been relatively flat. A Starbucks on every corner doesn't mean people are drinking more coffee; thus, the proliferation of gourmet offerings as customers' tastes continuing to get more rarefied. One coffee retailer in Atlanta sells something called "luwak" coffee, which it claims is picked by the common palm civet (Paradoxurus hermaphrodites), often described as catlike, but probably better thought of as an Asian version of a raccoon, coati or kinkajou. The palm civet is also known as the 'toddy cat,' for its fondness for the palm juice that is tapped to make a sweet liquor. GO FOR IT, CHALLENGE!RS!!!! -- Áine
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28 Jun 01 - 07:23 AM (#493788) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: McGrath of Harlow A celebratory chorus for now:
What he needs is a proper cup of coffee made from the droppings of a civet cat. He might not like the taste, but with luck it might be better than a Mudcat moggie's waste. Fierce alley cats or worse smelly cats leave samples at his door, But he can't have the droppings of a proper kopi civet cat - so the Marmite might just have to do for 'spaw. |
28 Jun 01 - 07:25 AM (#493789) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: McGrath of Harlow Ir with line breaks (why not):
What he needs is a proper cup of coffee |
28 Jun 01 - 08:22 AM (#493812) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Dharmabum OK folks,How about a little gospel to get this one going.
SHITTING COFFEE BEANS
Coffee from Columbia
(Chorus)
Some folks drink their Coke
(Chorus)
All I drink is Kopi Luwak
(Chorus)
DB. |
28 Jun 01 - 09:14 AM (#493844) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: JenEllen LMAO DB....will wonders never cease?? Come Ode to Starbucks
Mairzy doats and dosey doates
If the words sound queer, funny to your ear
Ohhhhhhhhhhh........ ~Jen |
28 Jun 01 - 09:42 AM (#493863) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Dharmabum Starbucked right up the keestah******LOL***** I love it Jen! DB. |
28 Jun 01 - 10:10 AM (#493892) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Jack the Sailor Advice to the Starbucks' trainee by El El Beano A slow song, to be played slowly, with flamenco chords and much sweeping of the strings with the fingers. Sounding vaguely like a M****** H**** commercial. As you make your way through life Only one way to live it Appreciate the finer things Like coffee from a civet The civet picks the finest beans To process them uniquely Talk about the gamey taste But mention it obliquely Some coffee makes you stay awake Some coffee keeps you hopping But only Kopi luwak can claim That its good to the last dropping |
28 Jun 01 - 10:14 AM (#493898) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Amos Good to the last DROPPING??? Starbucked up the KEESTER rhyming with BARISTA?? LMAO!!! Heeeheeeheee. You guys are SOOOO good. A real PWO (Pants-wetting opportunity!). A |
28 Jun 01 - 10:15 AM (#493899) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: MMario Rob - that is...well it's just.... I'm speechless.
moan. I can't believe he actaully put that in print |
28 Jun 01 - 10:24 AM (#493905) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: JenEllen PWO??? The PW-ing has done been done!! Good to the last dropping???....omigawd....Rob, well DONE! |
28 Jun 01 - 11:15 AM (#493965) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: MMario Labor Hymn of the Palm Civet (to the tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic) I'm just a little civet from the south of Viet Nam I spend my days a labourin' upon this coffee farm The wages they ain't great - but I get a private palm And the coffee's brewin' on It is Cof-fe-a Ro-bus-ta! Not Cof-fe-a Ara-bic-a! Only the ripest beans Shall go through my in-test-eens And the coffee's brewin' on Others pick by hand or they use a little rake I just use my gullet - so there shall be no mistake Coffee cherries are most tasty - why should they go to waste? And the coffee's brewin' on! Chorus: In Brazil and darkest Aafrica they use a process they call "dry" In Viet Nam just hear-abouts - they wouldn't even try For to keep the cherries company I drink fine palm juice wine And the coffee's brewin' on Chorus: When the day is over, and I feel a certain "urge" Then I scamper to the corner where I give myself a purge They call THIS coffee "washed"- what a most descriptive word! And the coffee's brewin' on Chorus: So when you're drinking Java (Well I wouldn't want to boast) But "Blue Mountain" is no longer that for which you pay the most "Kopi Luwak" coffee are the beans that you should roast! And the coffee's brewin' on! Chorus: |
28 Jun 01 - 11:28 AM (#493987) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Dharmabum Jen,Rob,MMario, I HAVE TO CHANGE MY SHORTS!!!!!!!!!!
AND YOU'RE ALL RESPONSIBLE!!!!
LMA(and my shorts)O. DB. |
28 Jun 01 - 11:33 AM (#493991) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: MMario I think the news that 'Spaw should be back soon has everyone producing their best efforts. Of course it could have nothing whatsoever to do with it. Just a theory. |
28 Jun 01 - 11:54 AM (#494008) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Jack the Sailor Jen, I like the Barista thing, MMario, "Why should they go to waste" very clever double meaning. Aine, this is a very funny topic. I've always thought Starbucks coffee tastes like...civet droppings. It is a pity I couldn't work that in. |
28 Jun 01 - 12:10 PM (#494024) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Jack the Sailor I couldn't resist taking this opportunity to comment on consumerism. Gullibility blues
Well the French can sell us water, Four dollars for a drink
Forty dollars for a tee shirt, Thirty dollars for the name
I got a new source of income, in the litterbox I'll scoop |
28 Jun 01 - 12:12 PM (#494027) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,SharonA Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. All these songs are wonderfully graphic! OK, lemme go see what I can "work out"... SharonA |
28 Jun 01 - 12:13 PM (#494028) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: MMario !!BRAVO!!! |
28 Jun 01 - 12:26 PM (#494042) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: JenEllen Cat Scat (Mr. Paganini)
Oh Mister Coffee Kitty
Heard of your repetoire
Mister Coffee Kitty |
28 Jun 01 - 12:27 PM (#494045) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: MMario ohmygawd - I gotta take a break - my sides hurt! |
28 Jun 01 - 12:34 PM (#494051) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Bert Tom Paxton's "Song for a Lost Election" immediately comes to mind. |
28 Jun 01 - 12:55 PM (#494066) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Jack the Sailor Kopi Luwak Rap
Expectation, constipation I don't know if you want credit for this one JenEllen, but your "cat scat" inspired this one "East Coast" Bob |
28 Jun 01 - 01:03 PM (#494071) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Jim Krause Aine, I thought civit cats were related to the skunk. No? Yegods, it's amazing, too amazing for words. PT Barnum was right. "There's a sucker born every minute." Jim |
28 Jun 01 - 01:31 PM (#494092) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,SharonA Here's my first "pass" at a song... ACHIN' BUM (Tune: Aikendrum) Ken ye how the coffee might (achin' bum, achin' bum) Come from an hermaphrodite? (achin' bum) He can bite the cherry bright with his civet's teeth so bright And his wind through sphincter tight (achin' bum, achin' bum) Smells of coffee in the right (achin' bum)! Did ye hear of Hinderland (achin' bum, achin' bum) Did ye hear of Hinderland (achin' bum) There you'll find the civet band who have sworn to clear the land Of the cherries they demand (achin' bum, achin' bum And the palm juice, too, they've planned (achin' bum)! Beans go running round and round (achin' bum, achin' bum) Beans go running round and round (achin' bum) In the civet's stomach drowned, through intestines, then to ground With a lovely plopping sound (achin' bum, achin' bum) Where the bean pile can be found (achin' bum) We have smelt the poops galore (achin' bum, achin' bum) We have smelt the poops galore (achin' bum) But we've sought the country o'er, gathered droppings by the score For the Starbucks coffee store (achin' bum, achin' bum) Still the civets poop some more (achin' bum)! Ken ye how to take a swig? (achin' bum, achin' bum) Ken ye how to take a swig? (achin' bum) Kopi luwak smells of pig; it'll dance a little jig In yer innards, small and big (achin' bum, achin' bum) Through yer sphincter it'll dig (achin' bum)! |
28 Jun 01 - 01:44 PM (#494104) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: MMario Hmmmm- I know a different tune for Aiken Drum - must look this up... civets are a carnivore most closely related to mongoose. |
28 Jun 01 - 01:45 PM (#494106) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,SharonA Oh, sh*t (what better phrase?); I need to make a correction AGAIN... The third line should read: "He can bite the cherry bright with his civet's teeth so white" Guess I had beans in my ears (ew ew ew)... |
28 Jun 01 - 01:55 PM (#494112) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,SharonA MMario: Blame DT. The tune file under "Aikendrum" sez CAPNKIDD ("Cap'n Kidd") and you're right, the tune doesn't seem to follow those lyrics exactly. I followed the structure of the lyrics as posted there (filename AIKNDRUM). I've usually heard them referred to as "civet cats". SharonA |
28 Jun 01 - 01:59 PM (#494119) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: JenEllen Why, thank you Bob! I'll need all the help I can get should Ella ever hear what was done to her song...*bg* ~"Out West" Jen |
28 Jun 01 - 02:00 PM (#494120) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: MMario did a bit of looking up - there are civets, civet cats, otter civets, palm civets, spotted civets,....etc etc etc. |
28 Jun 01 - 04:28 PM (#494214) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Trapper What a fun subject! It's always a hoot writing about poopie! - Al
COFFEE BEANS!
I have a sad story to tell you.
CHORUS:
In South Vietnam there's a civet
CHORUS:
These civet beans then are collected
CHORUS:
They charged me three C-Notes for Luwak
CHORUS:
So I brought Luwak to the Church Social
CHORUS:
So how should we drink Luwak coffee?
CHORUS:
And now, 'Cats, this parody's ended. |
28 Jun 01 - 04:43 PM (#494226) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: JenEllen Much agreed, Trapper. But I'm starting to realize why my dates always look so scared... Civet Poo Coffee (Flying Fish Sailor)
A short song for you as you grab for your cup
Along from far Asia, there is a new brew
You may take cream and sugar with it if you dare
There's all sorts of diseases from far foreign lands
There's Ancylostoma, that's hookworm you know
Giardia, Listeria, Toxocara too
You used to fear waitress spit, when she was fed up |
28 Jun 01 - 05:37 PM (#494266) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Áine DDDD-AAAA-NNNN-GGGG-!!!! Friggin' Amazing!! So far, every single song is qualifying for the Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon Award -- When I change my britches, I'll be back to give out the Silver B.L.O.B.s -- although, it will be extremely difficult to decide which bits to pick!! -- Áine (who's now carefully tippy toeing to the bathroom to dry off . . . ) |
28 Jun 01 - 05:59 PM (#494283) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Jack the Sailor Can we write ad slogans for this stuff?
You'll enjoy it exponentially! Civet....Sip it Do you need clumping coffee filters with "fresh scent release"? New from Folgers..... "Litterbox Select" with Flavour Pellets |
28 Jun 01 - 06:17 PM (#494300) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: JenEllen Rob should come with the patented BillD warning! (warn those of us that might have tea in the mouth while reading...pshwt!) ~Jen (chokingoverclumpingfilterswhilewipinghermonitoroff) |
28 Jun 01 - 06:20 PM (#494304) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Amos LOL!!! What remarkable genius appears when a license is issued to make toilet jokes!!! Do you suppose we of the Folkie persuasion are...somehow arrested in our development??? If Luwak fo'me A young barista sweet there was, If Luwak fo'me Her harsh revenge was soon found out If Luwak fo'me Regards, A |
28 Jun 01 - 06:34 PM (#494315) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Áine Aaaaahhhhh, Civet Sh*t! That's it, I can't decide what verses to award a Silver B.L.O.B. to -- so, every single hot diggitty dang verse of every slicker than snot on a hot rock song gets one!!!!! Well now, come to think of it, this makes my 'job' a lot easier! ;-) Isn't it amazing what creativity can be inspired when the love of a fellow Mudcatter combines with the love of scatalogical (sp?) humour?? 'Course, isn't that why we keep 'Spaw around in the first place? ;-) Keep it 'going', Challenge!rs!!!!!! -- A much bemused (and besmeared) GG |
28 Jun 01 - 06:53 PM (#494332) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Liz the Squeak I'm sorry, I can't do this for laughing.... Maybe we should work the cat fart thread back into this.... LTS |
28 Jun 01 - 07:03 PM (#494336) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,Don Henderson I was standing in line for coffee, When my gag reflex was triggered A stench so foul it left me coughing; A smell worse than I'd ever figured. "Isn't that unsanitary, Drinking poo like that?" "In all my years of living, nothing good's ever come from a cat." "Oh no", replied the Starbucks guy, "These beans, we always inspect em'", "And Juan Valdez scoops only the best As soon as they leave the cat's rectum." "And what's more, The civet's a very clean species There's nothing impure at all About a fresh pile of it's feces" "Thanks", I said, "I think I'll pass", so instead I picked up a soda I saw that the label read "Coke e-coli" Put down it I did, (to quote Yoda.) hended51@yahoo.com ---Jeff (PA)--- |
28 Jun 01 - 07:05 PM (#494337) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,Don Henderson Sorry to act like a newbie in here, but I'm a newbie. How do you get song lines to align properly? My 4-line stanzas all showed up on the same line when I posted, even though I hit "enter" after each line... |
28 Jun 01 - 07:18 PM (#494347) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: McGrath of Harlow Welcome Don H to the one site that makes the Internet really worthwhile.
To stick in a line break you type in (BR) at the end of every line - except that instead of an ordinary bracket, ( and ), you stick in a chevron - < and >.
But to get useful info about that and lots more about Mudcatty ways and means, go to the FAQ thread which should be nestled up at the top of the list of threads on the Forum.
However if you don't stick in the line breaks, you'll quite likely find that some helpful guardian angel will sneak in and do it for you.(These are referred to as "Joe clonmes" - and that is another story. It's probably somewhere in the FAQ. |
28 Jun 01 - 08:57 PM (#494389) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,Robdale Don that was hilarious, I've got tears in my eyes from laughing. |
28 Jun 01 - 09:56 PM (#494424) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: hesperis "and attaching"? You've got it that bad? |
29 Jun 01 - 12:46 AM (#494508) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,Civet Lover A Civet story |
29 Jun 01 - 05:18 AM (#494569) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: catspaw49 Friends, I am indeed honored and I express to you my honest and sincere admiration for the quality of songs on this thread. Only a man obsessed with blowing up a possum's ass can be granted such an honor! I have often tried this type of thing myself, a kind of "Asshole Alchemy" if you will but have had no success, although I have passed some pepper skins, corn, and tomato seeds. There doesn't seem to be a market however.............. Spaw |
29 Jun 01 - 09:52 AM (#494734) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Jack the Sailor Advice to the Starbucks' trainee Version II by El El Beano A slow song, to be played slowly, with flamenco chords and much sweeping of the strings with the fingers. Sounding vaguely like a M****** H**** commercial. Big production number version. Imagine a stringed orchectra and a latin percusion section backing the guitar and singer. Flamenco dancers dressed in red and a mariachi band in pearl white sombreros.
As you make your way through life
The civet picks the finest beans
Some coffee makes you stay awake
Crouching Civet Coffee
Don't laugh at what I tell you
To insure the finest flavor |
29 Jun 01 - 09:58 AM (#494739) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: MMario *NO FAIR!* RobDale gets BETTER every time!
he's gotta be cheatin'! |
29 Jun 01 - 10:50 AM (#494787) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,SharonA Okay, here's my "number two": YOU'VE GOT A BLEND (Tune: James Taylor's "You've Got a Friend") When your face is stubbled And you need some coffee there 'Cause nothin', no, nothin' else wakes you right Hold your nose; the stink, you see, Is from the derriere Of toddy cats pooping with all their might You just feed civets fruit And you know, whenever they "toot', Beans come runnin' (a-runnin' yeah) from each little end Grind up those beans when they fall Put a name on Starbucks' wall And you'll see there, yes you will: You've got a blend If a guy should shove you When the Starbucks starts to crowd Then your own "south wind" should begin to blow Folks will head for cover When you rip one out loud It smells like what you drank just a while ago You just feed civets fruit And you know, whenever they "toot', Beans come runnin' (a-runnin' yeah) from each little end (oh baby, don't be grossed out) Grind up those beans when they fall Put a name on Starbucks' wall And you'll see there, yes you will: Hey, it ain't good, as "joe", but you've got a blend That people will treat like gold! They'll buy it but never try it And they'll take it all if you let them Oh, sure, there's more you'll get them You just feed civets fruit And you know, whenever they "toot', Beans come runnin' (a-runnin' yeah) from each little end (oh baby, don't they pass out) Grind up those beans when they fall Put a name on Starbucks' wall And you'll see there, yes you will: You've got a blend You've got a blend Ain't it brewed for "joe"? You've got a blend Ain't it good? Well, no. You've got a blend Oh, yech, yech You've got a blend. |
29 Jun 01 - 11:08 AM (#494810) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Jack the Sailor Here is a review of the wonderous libation. Worth reading! Even though he make the error of calling or precious civets marsupials. http://www.thecoffeecritic.com/fusion3/html/kopi.shtml When reading his conclusion "The aroma was rich and strong, and the coffee was incredibly full bodied, almost syrupy. It was thick, with a hint of chocolate, and lingered on the tongue with a long, clean aftertaste." I was struck by how similar this product seems to be to the raw material. Fresh and steaming, the heady aroma wafting to the nose. Thick and brown like chocolate, lingering on the tongue, and the aftertaste... oooo... the aftertaste!! |
29 Jun 01 - 11:10 AM (#494813) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Jack the Sailor Brilliant Sharon! Lets hear it for number two! |
29 Jun 01 - 11:34 AM (#494831) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,SharonA Thanks, Rob. You're right, that's (gag-ulp) quite a review (emphasis on the "ew"), though the illustration shows the beans at the wrong end of the civet!! |
29 Jun 01 - 11:46 AM (#494837) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Aidan Crossey To the tune of "The Mountains of Mourne"
Oh Mary this Starbucks's a wonderful site
You remember oul' Granny O'Leary's wee trouble
And then an idea it occurred unto me
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29 Jun 01 - 11:59 AM (#494843) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,Don Henderson Rob, I am truly humbled by your ability to combine your talent for rhyming with this thread's fecalphilia epidemic (That's "an unnatural obsession with mookie stinks", to quote Mr. Mackey...) Do you keep a thesaurus at your desk, or does it all just come out naturally (not unlike the "civet beans")? |
29 Jun 01 - 01:57 PM (#494908) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Jack the Sailor I find the Thesaurus to be a cumbersome beast. But I do find the subject to be "food" for thought. I just remember a funny word for poop, find a funny rhyme for it and build up to it! Thanks Aine, this is the funniest concept I have come accross in a long time. Lets face it, Cats are funny, yuppie pretention is funny, and bodily functions are funny. Yuppies drinking cat crap! Now that is funny!!! It is even funnier than "Jelqing" (I'm not going to say what it is, if you're curious look it up!) and I didn't think that was possible. Don I would like to return the compliment. Aine out to give you the "Ben Johnson" award for getting your song off to the fastest start. You had me rolling on the floor at "Gag reflex". Obviously your writing must be chemically enhanced! |
29 Jun 01 - 02:11 PM (#494918) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,Don Henderson VERSE 1 Have you grown bored with the regular java Need something bold for your sense of taste? A volcanic eruption of feline ass-lava Coffee that's brewed from a civet's own waste! CHORUS These beans come from a civet's anus, And that's what makes our coffee famous! We charge a lot, but who can blame us? You'll pay that much, you ignoramus! VERSE 2 These beans look nice n' brown Even before they're brewed! That's because they're found (on the ground) In a pile of used civet food! REPEAT CHORUS BRIDGE So sit right down, and pull up a "Stool" We'll serve up a cup of your favorite fuel Start your day right and we guarantee you'll Love every bite of our coffee you chew! REPEAT CHORUS X 2
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29 Jun 01 - 02:35 PM (#494933) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,Don Henderson Thanks for the compliment, Rob. Unfortunately for all who know me, I write this way without the aid of any outside chemicals, unless you count The Mountain Dew and Tic-Tacs I keep on hand here at my work desk. I still have yet to come up with a line as funny as the one you ended your last song with, though... "Passed By Inspector Number Two"? LMAO! Lennon & McCartney have nothing on you, O Canorgian (Or is it Georgadian) Tunesmith! |
29 Jun 01 - 02:48 PM (#494940) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,SharonA Oh, yes, there are powers at work here... THEY will control the horizontal... THEY will control the vertical... "Pull up a 'stool'..." I love it! Wish I could come out with a few more good puns to pre-seed this next song, but I'll a-void doing so, ass I probably would've rectum. Maybe I'd better just make a movement to can it. DIGGIN' UP BEANS (Tune: "Diggin' Up Bones" performed by Randy Travis) Well, last night I dug your coffee up from some ol' civet's spoor I set it in my basket and I bent to dig up more I got my pay last Wednesday and it didn't have much green Yeah, I've been gettin' lean, diggin' up beans I'm diggin' up beans (diggin' up beans) For brewin' in your single-cup machine You'll drink it in the mornin' on your mansion's mezzanine While tonight I'm gettin' lean, diggin' up beans When I went through my pantry, I found out that it was bare No pretty pastries like you buy in Starbucks over there You pay 300-plus for coffee, just so you'll be seen While tonight I'm gettin' lean, diggin' up beans I'm diggin' up beans (diggin' up beans) You think it's such a nice, bucolic scene What clothes I've got are reeking, and you're dressed up like a queen While tonight I'm gettin' lean, diggin' up beans While you go through your jewelry and you pick a pretty ring I sift sh*t through my fingers and I give that cr*p a fling Across this lonely berry patch to vent my starving spleen Yeah, tonight I'm gettin' lean, diggin' up beans I'm diggin' up beans (diggin' up beans) The boss just raised my quota to be mean You pinch your nose and drink your coffee, feelin' so serene While tonight I'm gettin' lean, diggin' up beans (According to the COWPIE website, the original song was written by Paul Overstreet and Al Gore. ...THE Al Gore, the former Vice-President???? Can it be?) |
29 Jun 01 - 02:57 PM (#494951) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,Don Henderson Yeah, that's the same Al Gore! The same former VP who co-wrote "The Star Spangled Banner", "American Pie", "Stairway to Heaven", "Knockin' on Heaven's Door", and at least five songs on "Dark Side of the Moon". Then again, I'm not so sure about that... You don't think he'd claim credit for something he didn't do, do you? LOL! Great song, btw, Sharon! I don't know how that Randy Travis song goes exactly, but found myself singing a nice melody in my head as I read your lyrics.. Never lost my rhythm once, which says a lot for your staying true to the meter while keeping the subject matter all your own.
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29 Jun 01 - 04:48 PM (#495008) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Jack the Sailor Brace yourselves, this is the strangest one yet! This should be performed as "coffee house" poetry, Narrated by William Shatner, with strange pauses and changes in emphasis, punctuated by bongo rolls, with a muted trumpet noodling away in the background. Metaphysical Civet Cat
You let him loose in a coffee plantation
Then you put him in an impenetrable box
When we open the box I don't care if he's dead |
29 Jun 01 - 05:35 PM (#495038) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,Don Henderson Ok, here's my question Rob: Just what kind of mushrooms did you order on that pizza you had for lunch today? LOL! You have raised the bizarre bar yet again, and as always, with such style and eloquence. Any song which successfully incorporates the past tense of the word "shit" can do no wrong in my book. One thing though: I'm not too familiar with Schrodinger's work, but wasn't it B.F. Skinner who proposed the theories about mind control studies in which he claimed that he could control everything about a human's mind if he kept them in a box until they were 5 years old? |
29 Jun 01 - 05:37 PM (#495041) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,SharonA "He.... GOES.... to EACH BUSH................. (gasp) EATing his FILL..." I can just hear it! (Who could forget "MISTER TAMBOURIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNE MAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN"?) Oh, yeah, THAT Al Gore. Didn't he invent the internet, or something? Thanks, Don, for the nice compliment. I'm trying. Sometimes I'm VERY trying! SharonA |
29 Jun 01 - 06:48 PM (#495073) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Amos Sharon, Don, Rob and -- oh my lordy, derrymacash -- WOW!!!! I am floored at this throughput of talent!! I can hardly digest all the amazing lyrics being brought forth!! If lyrics were quid, I am sure we'd be flush!! We could start a campaign -- "Get Flush For Max!!". Now it is obvious that there is something to the metaphysical side of this Cat Scat jazz, since it has caused an fiery wave of unprecedented creative energy to sweep through cyberspace, even though the brew itself was only being passed conceptually, so to speak. As a result, even though only the thinnest of cyber-thoughts was pout in, it all came out all right, richer than we ever expected. Beautiful products, one and all, and worthy indeed of the Spawmeister's return and his Tour of Inspection. A |
29 Jun 01 - 06:56 PM (#495081) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: JenEllen Oh! Rob, Don, and Sharon.....(girl giggling and gasping for breath looks at monitor with tears in her eyes, barely managing a pathetic mewling noise before hitting 'submit') |
29 Jun 01 - 08:18 PM (#495111) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,Palm Civet A gregorian chant Oh civ-ets eat the Fin-est beans, that's why we harvest their La - treens to make our finest brew. We stoop and scoop to get their poop, yup-pies will jump through an-y hoop, to perk-a-late their pooh. Catspaw do you see a chance, that we may har-vest Flat-u-lance, What are we to do? Catspaw we missed you |
29 Jun 01 - 08:23 PM (#495114) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Amos I am absolutely mystified!! Look at this richness and style -- I have never seen such routinely disciplined meter and inspired imagery in any prior Challenge!! Not to mention the Humours therein!!! Why has everyone suddenly become so perfect at rhyme and meter? It must be a mysterious phenomenon never before measured by science -- the Cat Scat Scan!!! Wlel, if the fad for this particular brand ever dies out we can borrow a tune from "Oklahoma!" and write "Spoor Joe is Dead". (Ducks before the Civet Cyber-Bedpan flung through infinity by a wrathful Jen reaches his sector). A |
29 Jun 01 - 08:47 PM (#495126) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,Friend Of Amos Thanks for the idea Amos. This one is too funny to pass up.
It doesn't taste like hospital coffee he said
Where did you get it? Then I replied Deadpan The bedpan RobDale |
29 Jun 01 - 10:47 PM (#495175) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Amos Rob...I think you should check in for your own Scat Scan!!! LOL!! A |
29 Jun 01 - 11:07 PM (#495187) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: JenEllen No fear of ducking the flying bedpans, Amos. When I'm laughing this hard, my aim stinks. Scat-Scans....we have those....what we in the 'biz' call "FECALYZERS" (honest, tradename!) There might be a song in that yet.... ~daJenerator |
29 Jun 01 - 11:49 PM (#495216) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: katlaughing They are adorable little critters and their unique system of passing on the abundance they feast upon is very important to ecology. Civet Lover, I am very sorry to hear about your beautiful little creature and the poachers. |
30 Jun 01 - 06:51 PM (#495593) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Bradypus So many good songs already - this one's a bit different.
The Civet's Lament |
30 Jun 01 - 08:21 PM (#495633) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: CraigS (Java Jive)
I like coffee, I like tea, line breaks added by mudelf ;-) |
30 Jun 01 - 10:33 PM (#495670) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Áine ROTFLM(sore)AO!!! I'm sure you'll all be glad to hear that mobility is returning to your deity (I'm a poet & don't know it...) -- 'course, that's the result of two days of bedrest (and mini-yoga exercises between the sheets -- oh behave, Amos) and a couple of Guinness tonight . . . he he he . . . as I was sayin' (burp...pardon me) -- I'll be chunkin' out the Cow Chips on the morrow, the Good Lord willin' and the sewer pipes hold (as well as my sacroiliac). So, if you have any more civet sonnets up your slick sleeves, then please enter them post haste. I've got a hoot of a Challenge! comin' up (don't even think about askin' for a hint) and I'm rarin' (gently) at the bit to go. You've done a great job with this one -- our favourite saggy assed tortoise (a/k/a Catspaw) should be well pleased! -- Your Keeper of the Book, Challenge! Mistress, Gaelic Goddess, High Priestess of the Patricus Potamus Local 69, and Songster to her Sealy Posturepedic (of late) ;-)
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02 Jul 01 - 12:42 AM (#496317) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,RobDale The Wait by the Band(ed Civet)
Came to the hospital, my toddy cat used the head.
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02 Jul 01 - 08:37 AM (#496492) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,SharonA Áine sez: "So, if you have any more civet sonnets up your slick sleeves, then please enter them post haste." Well, if you insist. Songs have been crying out to me to be parodied for this CHALLENGE!, like kittens mewing for their mother's milk. ...and you should never ignore the Mews (I mean, Muse). DOES THE COFFEE GAIN ITS FLAVOR IN THE CIVET OVERNIGHT? (Tune: "Does the Spearmint Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?") Oh me, oh my, oh poo. Did I drink civet doo? I'll say tó ya, the taste sure is peculiah It's cost me lots of dough I'd give my arse to know If someone washed the beans off. Tell me yes; please say it's so! Does the coffee gain its flavor in the civet overnight? If you drink it in the morning, will it have a certain bite? Can't you see it's going through him? Won't somebody say I'm right? Does the coffee gain its flavor in the civet overnight? The Starbucks shops, as one, had spent a lot of mon' To find soused-up critters and their sh*thouse They saw where civets "went"; they said that they'd been sent To save the buried beans when civets were incontinent Does the coffee gain its flavor in the civet overnight? If you pull it out his hinder, will he snap at you and bite? If it tastes like kudu droppings, will you spit and watch its flight? Does the coffee gain its flavor in the civet overnight? Here come the beans, they're dried and roasted (never fried) But they oughtter have been rinsed in water These beans, when brewed, may bring diseases that can spring Up in your guts and set you on your "throne" just like a king Does the coffee gain its flavor in the civet overnight? Would you dig for beans in Áine's backyard when she is not in sight? Put your civet on a gold commode; you'll find rich beans, all right! Does the coffee gain its flavor in the civet overnight? And last, but hopefully not least... E-MAIL FROM STARBUCKS (TUNE: "Letter from LBJ: Lyndon Johnson Told the Nation" by Tom Paxton) I got an e-mail from Starbucks, say- -ing, "This is your unlucky day. It's time to put you hip-high waders on. Though it may seem very mean, We've got to pick the coffee bean So we are sending you to Viet Nam." Starbucks bigwigs told the nation: "Have some 'joe', a new creation For our patrons who are hard to please. Though it really comes from poop, We're sending employees to scoop It up and take it all from the Viet Namese." I jumped off the big cruise ship And sank in crud up to my hips! I cussed the toddy cats and dug right down. Never mind how hard we're weeping; Think of all the grounds we're reaping. Just don't take one step into the town! Ev'ry night the local gentry Walk right past us; they're unfriendly. They don't shoot the sh*t; that's not "P.C." But the thoughts that always calm us Are "At least they don't still bomb us" And "Just think how filthy rich we'll be." We go home, and there a coffer Of rewards does Starbucks offer But we ask for other work in vain For the odor lingers on Our bodies; lawsuits fought and won Have paid us for our suff'ring and our pain. Here I sit at home so sadly, Gave up coffee-drinking gladly And I know that Starbucks hates me, too. Yet the memory's so tender Of the days when I would render Civet crap.... and I still smell like doo! |
02 Jul 01 - 08:55 AM (#496501) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: GUEST,SharonA ONCE AGAIN, I have to correct myself (dang!) (stupid, illegible rough copies... can't read my own scribblin'). Sorry, everyone. Line 11 of "Does the Coffee Gain..." should read: To find lit, soused critters and their sh*thouse SharonA |
02 Jul 01 - 11:26 AM (#496607) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Jack the Sailor Sharon, Brilliant choice of songs to parody, brilliant execution. I listen to Tom Paxton in my car and you really nailed the Lyndon Johnson thing. Aine Brilliant choice of topic a motherlode of humour. I hereby nominate the Palm Civet to join the kiwi, moose and platypus as one of the funniest creatures on earth.
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02 Jul 01 - 03:44 PM (#496809) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Áine HOO-HAW!!!! This was one FANTASTIC Challenge! You all have outdone yourselves, especially all you newcomers -- Mmmmm, all you 'old timers' had better keep your wits sharp and your pencils licked, 'cuz these newbies are sumpin' else . . . Cudos, congrats and grateful thanks to my darlin' Challenge!rs, and here are your awards -- you made it too easy on me this time, you know, all 22 songs won the same thing: Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen): Achin' Bum by SharonA Advice to the Starbucks' Trainee by El El Beano (aka RobDale) Advice to the Starbucks' Trainee Version II by El El Beano (aka RobDale) Cat Scat (Mr. Paganini) by JenEllen The Civet's Lament by Bradypus Civet Poo Coffee (Flying Fish Sailor) by JenEllen Coffee Beans! by Trapper Come Ode to Starbucks by JenEllen Diggin' Up Beans by SharonA Does the Coffee Gain Its Flavor in the Civet Overnight? by SharonA E-Mail from Starbucks by SharonA The Final Word by RobDale Good to the Last Bite by Don Henderson Gullibility Blues by RobDale If Luwak Fo'Me by Amos In Line For Civet Poo by Don Henderson Labor Hymn of the Palm Civet by Mmario Metaphysical Civet Cat by RobDale Shitting Coffee Beans by Dharmabum Stick to the Jameson's, Mary Mo Chroí by derrymacash The Wait by the Band(ed Civet) by RobDale You've Got A Blend by SharonA Challenge! 58 is comin' up quick and slick, so charge up those little grey cells . . . Again, well done everyone. -- Áine |
07 Jul 01 - 12:20 PM (#500611) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: mousethief Sorry I'm late, I was on holiday at the ocean. Lovely time, thanks for asking.
The Beans Come Back
Old Vietnam sells a coffee all its own
But the beans come back the very next day
Many years ago in the land of Vietnam
Yeah the beans came back the very next day
He gave them to a man who had "Starbucks" on his hat
Because the beans came back the very next day
Then the geniuses at Starbucks roasted up these special beans
Because the beans come back the very next day Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved. 'lane' to 'land' fixed by mudelf ;-) |
07 Jul 01 - 12:23 PM (#500612) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: mousethief Sorry; "land" of Vietnam. Oy. A week without computers and I've forgotten how to smell. I mean spell. alex |
07 Jul 01 - 12:45 PM (#500627) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: mousethief Hand me down that bag o' beans Tune: Hand Me Down that Can O' Beans
Hand me down that bag o' beans (3x)
Harry, you dumb canary,
Hand me down that bag o' beans (3x)
Harry, our kitty's derri-
Mary, it's kinda scary Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved. |
07 Jul 01 - 08:44 PM (#500843) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: Áine Hey mousethief, those are two great songs! It's NEVER too late to enter a song in the Challenge!, so if an idea strikes you for Part 12 or 112 (when we get there), just note it down and 'sock it to us, baby!' ;-) Both your belated but bewondermous(e) songs are hereby bestowed with the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest. Congrats, cudos and thanks for the music . . . now get on over to Song Challenge! - Part 59 --- or are you chicken??? -- Áine |
15 Oct 04 - 08:55 PM (#1298303) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: The Fooles Troupe Refresh - but that's just not the right word is it.... |
13 Nov 04 - 09:10 AM (#1325589) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: MMario refresh |
19 May 05 - 11:37 AM (#1488158) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57 From: MMario refresh |