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30 Jun 01 - 04:58 PM (#495522) Subject: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Hamster World of Books in Review Selkie Westbourne's new book on the "Out of Cage" experience, as he calls it, has certainly raised some furry little eyebrows out there, and stimulated some hot debate between runs on the exercise wheel. Formerly known for his entertaining books on hamster life inside the everyday Cage, Selkie has now ventured into formerly unknown territory, claiming that there is a real, tactile universe of apparently infinite dimension and extraordinary variety...just beyond the walls of the Cage! As Selkie puts it..."Be prepared to be astounded. Your world does not end at the bars of your cage, in fact it only begins there. Your food does not magically materialize in your food bowl, but is imported on a regular basis from almost unimaginable distances, through highly complex inter-cage technologies that can cover distances more vast than any of us are capable of imagining. Nor does this happen by chance. There is a kindly hand, as it were, seeing to the well-being of all of us, and it is through the mysterious intervention of this divine and intelligent source that the Cage itself is maintained, so say nothing of the food, water, and bedding which we have all grown to take for granted." Startling assertions indeed! While some hamsters are quick to jump on the wheel and accept this amazing new thesis as gospel, cooler heads in the scientific community warn of the dangers of cult psycho-babble and hearsay. "It makes me sick when I hear this sort of balderdash," states Professor Quentin Haphollow, one of science's most distinguished hamsters. "There is simply not one shred of evidence supporting the notion that a vast undiscovered reality lies beyond the walls of the Cage," he goes on. "None of our lab experiments suggest anything of the sort! Selkie Westbourne isn't out of his cage...he's out of his mind." Selkie has a quick answer to that: "Their lab experiments have all occurred within the confines of the Cage itself," he retorts. Until they venture outside it, as I have, they are merely engaging in close-minded, conventional ignorance, like the proverbial ostrich with its head in the sand." Yes, Selkie claims to have been outside the cage. Not once, not twice, but on numerous occasions. He describes vast constructions..."many mansions"...apparently built by non-rodent life, for purposes as yet unknown. These mansions reputedly contain numerous extraordinary objects and are inhabited by living beings of immense size, but kindly intentions. In fact, it was those very beings which allegedly opened a "doorway" in the cage, and allowed Selkie to cross over into an alternate, and much larger reality, and then to return. Selkie's personal accounts of direct encounters with these alien beings have aroused furious debate. "It's ludicrous!" states Professor Haphollow. "No creature could possibly attain the physical dimensions of these reputed aliens described in Selkie's book, and still function. Science has proven that beyond the shadow of a doubt. He claims that these beings are providing us with food and water. Ridiculous! Why would they? Everyone knows that food grows in the food dish through natural processes, and that the water condenses directly out of the atmosphere, and fills the water bottle. This is kindergarten knowledge. I shudder to think of impressionable young hamsters reading this garbage..." What is this writer's opinion? Well, it's all very intriguing, but I wouldn't rush out to buy tickets to any "Out-of-Cage" vacation paradise yet! Best to suspend judgement on this one, until some really concrete evidence can be found and confirmed within the normal Cage as we know it. But don't let that stop you from enjoying an exciting and imaginative read that will no doubt be transferred to the fiction section sometime early next year....though it's a best seller on the nonfiction list now. No one can say that Selkie Westbourne doesn't entertain. - Festely Nicklesworth for Hamster World of Books in Review, 2001 |
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30 Jun 01 - 05:18 PM (#495532) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: CarolC Just what the world needs. Another Gerbily MacLaine. |
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30 Jun 01 - 05:34 PM (#495543) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Frankly Gilded Cages Ltd. The Frankly Gilded Cage Ltd. would just like to weigh in here with a total denial of there being anything beyond the confines of their Lap of Luxury, Deluxe Models of Society, Environmentally controlled homes of which we are sure the author of OCE must have no knowledge. To that end, we wish to offer the author, completely free of any fees, our the Supremely Gilded Seat of Penultimate Experience Special Model No. 005K43E983E901P8732'E63300M00054C86750A09998G0023E7528745D!00352. We are sure he will find it of supreme comfort and won't mind at all the fortunate demise of his silly ramblings. Yours in all Good Gilded Things, I.M. Oldways |
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30 Jun 01 - 06:08 PM (#495556) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Sweetie Morgan It is hard to believe, at first. But when you have smelled it, climbed it, and tasted the strange foods that can be found out of the cage, there is no going back to ignorance. I know, for I too, have been out of the cage, on many exiting explorations. In fact, I am one of the prime witnessess in the book, as I met Selkie on an out of cage expedition. I have even climbed on the outside of Selkie's cage! The out of cage experience is real. It may even be more real than the cage. Sweetie |
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30 Jun 01 - 06:13 PM (#495561) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Sarah I have been having OCE's for most of my life, but until now I remained silent, fearing public ridicule or even forced confinement to a mental institution. All I can say is, thank God for Selkie Westbourne! He has made it possible for many like myself to come forth and speak about what we dared not speak about before. I hope that stupid professor Haphazard (that's what I call him) has an OCE himself...a really nasty one, involving a cat! I am fed up with hamsters like him. They live in a gilded cage of their own making. Since my own first OCE, I have met 2 gerbils, a dwarf rabbit, and a canary who have also had OCE experiences. There's more going on out there than you think. Sarah Highjump |
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30 Jun 01 - 06:18 PM (#495566) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Biggles 'The Fang' Ferrett That's right, all of you enlightened little hamsters. Just break free of those cage walls and see what a great big world is waiting for you out there. Now where did I put that steak sauce? |
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30 Jun 01 - 06:22 PM (#495568) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Cuddlesmore, in Princeton To suggest that the "Out of Cage" experience is "more real than the cage" is just the sort of irresponsible and unfounded statement that these cultists seem to delight in! It's time to get out the keen scalpel of science and cut through the green cheese, rodents. All this talk of OCE's is nothing more than a cynical attempt to cash in on the ignorance and gullibility of the thousands of hamsters that have made this silly book a best seller. it's a sad commentary on our times. I didn't get a University Doctorate in Thermodynamics and Statistical Analysis for nothing. There is NO SUCH THING as an OCE I've never had one. Neither has anyone else. It's not real. Winston Cuddlesmore, Phd |
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30 Jun 01 - 06:29 PM (#495571) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,The Big Guy I hear that Haphollow's cage is made of a completely opaque material without even a teeny little window to see through...sort of like his entire state of consciousness! Ditto for you, Cuddlesmore. Hamsters like you don't deserve an OCE. Go back to your exercise wheel, and try to work it off. You give new meaning to the old term "educated idiot". Bite me. BG |
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30 Jun 01 - 06:37 PM (#495577) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Stinkybutt, the GUINEA PIG OK, so what's wrong with this picture? Everybody knows you need Guinea pigs for experiments, but does anybody ask me??!! Nooooo! Serves you blasted hamsters right! Listen guys, here's a tip. Look through the cage bars! Hadn't thought of that one, eh? That thing that puts the food in your dish that sorta looks like a fat fat bald spider with a few legs missing? One of these days, look waaay up, and you'll see a thing attached to it with eyes and a mouth and all the stuff we have but weirder looking. I don't know what sort of a sterile environment you scientifical hamsters live in, but those big mostly hairless things sometimes even take us out and play with us. Scared the hell out of me the first time it happened, but the thing hasn't eaten me yet and it knows just where to scratch. (Just try to avoid the smaller hairless things. They'll try to stick stupid little hats on you or paint your fur blue.) In any case, I've been out of that cage plenty of times. My main point is if you can see it, feel it or pee on it, you don't need to prove it exists! |
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30 Jun 01 - 06:37 PM (#495578) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: flattop We may be witnessing a classic case of undermedication for harmonicopathic scoliosis of the spine. This condition can be overlooked if you don't notice the heavy harmonica holder tugging to one side and the patient's excessive blowing into a hohner diatonic while surrounded by an assortment of empty syringes. The condition can be easily treated by crazy-gluing the patient's lips shut for a month, slicing through the straps of his harmonica holder and filling up his syringes with heavy medication. |
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30 Jun 01 - 06:42 PM (#495581) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: hesperis Oh, my goodness. |
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30 Jun 01 - 06:43 PM (#495586) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Cuddlesmore That's about what I'd expect from an OCE believer...blind religious fanaticism, couple with name-calling. When are you know-nothings going to grow up? When you have some real, tangible, empirical evidence to show me, then we'll have something to talk about. All you have at this point is a bunch of wild stories. Winston Cuddlesmore |
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30 Jun 01 - 06:50 PM (#495590) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Maybe I will, maybe I won't.... Flattop, are you a hamster? I frankly doubt it. I don't think you are even a rodent. The medication I would normally recommend is green leafy plant matter. That usually does the trick. In your case, however, I fear that it may not be sufficient... (another Guinea Pig) |
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30 Jun 01 - 06:53 PM (#495596) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: hesperis No, he's one of those "alien beings" that Selkie wrote about. |
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30 Jun 01 - 06:59 PM (#495599) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Maybe I will, maybe I won't... Ah, yes...big ugly looking things! They do have their good points, though. Like Stinky says, you've got to watch for the small ones! Funny about that, isn't it? In most species it's the big ones that are dangerous. |
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30 Jun 01 - 07:09 PM (#495602) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,FF I had an OCE that was truly amazing. One of those hairless aliens got hold of me and put me on its back. Quite a view from up there. Then it fed me into a long tube. I was crawling through the tube for what seemed like quite a while, and I couldn't see much, except a little light at the end. Then I got to a tight turn and found myself in another tube. This happened over and over again. It was pretty cool. I could hear at least two aliens making loud noises, sort of grunting and gasping and hooting all at the same time, and it was shaking the whole tube. Finally I emerged and found myself back in the cage! I am at a loss to explain the experience, but I think it involved some sort of interdimensional travel. Fascinating! It was fun and harmless, and I hope to do it again soon. - FF (hamster) |
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30 Jun 01 - 07:41 PM (#495620) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Afraid to post my real name "That's about what I'd expect from an OCE believer...blind religious fanaticism, couple with name-calling. When are you know-nothings going to grow up? When you have some real, tangible, empirical evidence to show me, then we'll have something to talk about. All you have at this point is a bunch of wild stories."
--Winston Cuddlesmore
Now, I'm not coming down on one side of the argument or the other. And I'm not saying there's proof that these photographs haven't been doctored. It's amazing what people can do with computers these days.
But if it's empirical evidence you want, take a look at these... |
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30 Jun 01 - 07:55 PM (#495625) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: Amos Empirical??? Judging from those mixed-madras hues on that second photo I would guess it was the product of a deranged acid trip. And the first one looks like a doctored Scat Scan!! And if the "outer world" is so full of huge beings of kind intent, how come most of us have never seen one?!! Answer me that!! Oh, and how do you account for the "mysterious" coinicidence that in every case where someone claims that OCE's are real, they start with an imaginary giant creature "opening a small door" for them in the sid eof the cage!!! What kibbles! I have climbed over every inch of the walls, and they all end up in the same place -- down among the cedar shavings, that's where! Not once have I seen a cage wall turn into a door. And if these benevolent beings are so fascinated in stupid little creatures like us, how come they aren't ALWAYS hanging around turning walls into doors? Answer me that!!! No, I'm sorry -- this is wonderful fiction, and a lovely thought, but it just doesn't stand up to hard rational reasoning, some of which I recommend to you gullible cultists who run around swearing by what "Selkie Says". If Selkie said to jump off the food bottle, would you do it? Of course not!!! Common sense!! That's what's needed here!! B. Bunker Hamstring |
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30 Jun 01 - 08:12 PM (#495628) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Stinkybutt Nah, Afraid - they'll claim you just erased the cage bars and painted in that pink thing in back of Selkie. Now, I gotcher imperical evidence right here! One of them smaller big things just tried touching a part of me they shouldn't have tried to touch, and I chomped him. It got really loud out when I did that, but it was still worth it. Got some DNA stuck on a tooth if you guys want to send over a hamster in a white coat with a tiny little evidence kit. Oh yeah - you can't get out of your cages! HAHAHAHA! I got a pretty good deal on this computer from the white mice - they got a factory in the wall somewhere. Now you wanna talk about "outside the cage," these guys have been living out there for a couple of years. Anyhow, I shoulda asked them for one of those camera things. You could have had some shots of the "vast undiscovered reality!" |
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30 Jun 01 - 08:15 PM (#495631) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Stinkybutt Hey Hamstring, you ain't seen one of them big "alien" things because you bury your ass in the wood chips as soon as you hear a loud noise! Get the sawdust out of your eyes and live a little! |
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01 Jul 01 - 01:52 AM (#495753) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: Amos As far as I'm concerned, OCE's are right up there with pigs that fly, and celery seeds that turn into exercise wheels painted gold. All I can say is, I'll believe it when I actually have one. Next thing you know we'll be hearing that this Outer Reality is full of strange creatures that walk on two legs and have harnessed unheard of powers in the universe, control the weather and fly through the air in giant luxurious cages of special design. Ho-hum. Keep your fantasies -- I'm for the cedar chips in the North End and a night of dreaming about females. Wake me up if anything REAL happens!!! B. Bunker Hamstring |
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01 Jul 01 - 02:00 AM (#495755) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: hesperis Uh... hate to break this to you: pigs are a part of the outer reality in some places... |
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01 Jul 01 - 10:51 AM (#495875) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: flattop And I hate to muddy the mud but are you talking real pig or the Guinea? Genuine (not Guinea) pigs are part of all realities, inner, outer, middle, mystic, you name it. So shove your snout down and smell those truffles.
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01 Jul 01 - 11:00 AM (#495879) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: Amos And who brings them books like Selkie's anyway? |
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01 Jul 01 - 11:29 AM (#495890) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Stinkybutt You GO flattop!!! Seems like we got a bunch of pseudo-intellectual furbrains who refuse to admit anything exists unless it fits in with what they already believe. Hey, remember that big alien thing that picked you up and took you to a place where another one of those big alien things performed bizarre acts on you? Remember the cold, slippery flat thing they put you on? Remember all the squeezing and that anal probe thingie? This has happened to so many of us that you can't just put it down to mass hallucination caused by moldy food pellets any more! |
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01 Jul 01 - 01:11 PM (#495912) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: flattop Were you there when I got that rectal probe, GUEST Stinkybutt or did you suffer the same humiliation? |
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01 Jul 01 - 08:15 PM (#496166) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Professor Haphollow I've heard quite enough nonsense about OCE's to suit me. It's absolute claptrap! My two and a half years in the laboratory (a lifetime's experience), plus my extensive academic credentials have led me to one absolutely firm conclusion: There are no extra-cage realities of a physical sort, only subjective visual phenomena and olfactory hallucinations, triggered by a bad diet and poor hygeine (sound familiar, Stinky Butt?). Illusions, in other words. The assertion that I live in an opaque Cage is utterly without foundation. I live in the best Frankly Gilded Cage that money can buy, thank you very much! Gold plated bars. Eat your heart out. I intend to refute every one of Selkie's outrageous claims in my forthcoming treatise, entitled the "OCE Obsession". I have exhaustively researched all of his fraudulent claims and discredited them. The photos are obvious fakes. Note the complete lack of any visible Cage. Proof positive that these are doctored photos. The fact that Guinea Pigs have entered into this debate shows just how low the whole discussion has sunk. Since when did Guinea Pigs have anything useful to add to a scientific enquiry? Since never. They make good experimental fodder, but that is where their usefullness ends. *** Prof. Quentin Haphollow *** |
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01 Jul 01 - 09:11 PM (#496200) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: Little Hawk I am out of the Cage right now, Haphollow, typing on this here computer keyboard. I am a giant alien being. Live with it. - LH |
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01 Jul 01 - 09:25 PM (#496204) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: Amos Oh, Little Hawk, sssshhhh -- you know their little nervous systems can't handle it. Please see Section IV.3.117 of the Handbook of Pseudo-divinity for Soi-disant Gods and Goddesses, 3rd edition, for a refresher on the principles of compassion and information hiding.... Regards, A |
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01 Jul 01 - 09:33 PM (#496211) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: Little Hawk Ah, yes, the Prime Directive... (sigh) Well, here comes 2 weeks of paperwork before I get out of this one...and a probable transfer to Glipton 5 or some other Godforsaken outpost like that... (groan) - LH |
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01 Jul 01 - 09:36 PM (#496213) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Stinkybutt Flattop, I and most of my pals have had that rectal thing happen. Even Dave the cat was bitching about it. Of course, it was a secondary concern since they also removed certain parts of him he liked to lick. I wouldn't normally have listened to anything that creep says, but he was missing a couple of nuts, and I don't think he hid them someplace just for the sake of a story. Hey Halfhollow - somthin's opaque even if it ain't your cage! Let me get this straight - you're a lab hamster??!! Who the hell ever heard of a lab hamster? I think you're full of pellets, pal. I can just see your "refutation" now - "Even though most everybody else has had an OCE, I haven't, so there's no such thing." HAHA! |
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01 Jul 01 - 10:41 PM (#496253) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: Amos Cracking up, LH!!! Except that there's a trans-ether call for you from some guy in Sector Personnel on line 36.... A |
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02 Jul 01 - 01:53 AM (#496340) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,mortimer I think you are all very silly. I can run for hours , and never have an OCE! Giant aliens are different - they come from the bright rectangle, bearing yummy treats for me. |
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02 Jul 01 - 01:59 AM (#496343) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,penelope who cares? It's the things which try to get into the cage that worry me |
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02 Jul 01 - 09:57 AM (#496532) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Rufi, the Guinea Pig Got that right, penelope! There are some weird things out there beyond the bars. There are two horrifically ugly dogs here that have repeatedly attempted to enter my cage, but the benevolent aliens won't let them do it, thank God! They have evil intentions (the dogs, I mean). I am not planning any OCE's as long as they are around, and that's for sure... I wouldn't mind expanding the boundaries of this cage at times, but I'm glad those bars are there. Selkie's book is interesting, but I'm going to stay inside where it's safe. Rufi |
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02 Jul 01 - 10:05 AM (#496535) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Corky Watch it, Carol! Gerbily MacLaine is on the inside track. So is Selkie Westbourne. His book is brilliant and timely. Haphollow is a pompous twit. Cuddlesmore is another. So there. Corky (a Gerbil who has had numerous OCE's and Giant Alien close encounters) |
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03 Jul 01 - 08:43 PM (#497917) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: hesperis I am sad to announce that Sweetie Morgan, the main witness featured in Selkie's book, died today. For the first time in her life, she is completely free of the cage. She had an infection on her throat, and her fur was falling out. The vet had even recommended that she be put down. But through antibiotics, and her own stubborn will, she kept going, and got better. She was even climbing upside down in the cage. She even climbed up my bed from the floor because I was eating in bed and she wanted some of that good-smelling stuff! (I didn't give it to her, though! Corn chips are bad for hammies.) Then last night, almost a week after she got well, she suddenly got diarrhea, and there was nothing I could do for her. Now I find out that small animals receiving antibiotics need to be given something to replace the good bacteria... Duh. (Of course, the vet thought that she was going to die anyway... so maybe that's why he didn't tell me?) She died early this afternoon, and will definitely be missed. Unfortunately, I am going to dance camp tomorrow, and don't even have time to see to her body. Little Hawk is going to take her body out in the forest for me. averysadhesperis:( PS: Selkie is still healthy as ever, and is chewing on the bars because he wants out. |
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03 Jul 01 - 09:41 PM (#497936) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: Amos Hesp: I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Hey -- little H will ensure he moves on to better cages! It could be a lot worse! A |
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03 Jul 01 - 09:55 PM (#497943) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: Jeri Aw, hesperis, I'm sorry! Ol' Stinkybutt sends love... |
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03 Jul 01 - 10:05 PM (#497948) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: CarolC Sorry about Sweety, hesperis. I'm going to miss her too. She was a special one. Will you ask Little Hawk to bury a raisin with her for me?
Take care, (((((((((big hugs))))))))) Carol |
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03 Jul 01 - 10:05 PM (#497949) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: sophocleese Many sympathies hesperis. Dance a dance for her at dance camp. |
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04 Jul 01 - 12:07 AM (#498007) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: katlaughing So sorry to hear about Sweety, Sirepseh. luvyakat |
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04 Jul 01 - 02:05 AM (#498040) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: hesperis Thanks, phoaks. {{{{{HUG}}}}} until I get back. |
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04 Jul 01 - 05:14 PM (#498504) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: Little Hawk Jeri - I have certainly appreciated Stinky Butt's commentary on this thread. All - Sweetie was a lively, friendly, very likeable hamster, and will be missed, but Hesperis seems to be handling it well now that the crisis has passed. I will find a peaceful spot in the forest for Sweetie, who is now having the biggest Out-Of-Cage experience of them all. She was a great hamster. - LH |
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04 Jul 01 - 08:03 PM (#498588) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: GUEST,Guest/Goldarnut Goldfish My sympathies- though I must admit I don't relate well to mammals. Just want to refute your views on the OCE. There are some non-inspired ones amongst us, too. As I told a young sprat the other day: Of course there is a god! Who do you think changes our water?? |
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04 Jul 01 - 08:06 PM (#498590) Subject: RE: OCE - The Out of Cage Experience From: Little Hawk Ahhh...I see we're back to the original theme here... - LH |
