Song Challenge! - Part 58

02 Jul 01 - 04:13 PM (#496834)
Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Áine

When I saw this Challenge! idea, all I could think of was Frank Zappa singing I'm moving to Montana soon... -- So, dig out your thesaurii and Go For It, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

Don't Ya Crawl Too Slow, Move Along Lil' Suckahs . . . DULUTH, Minnesota (AP) -- Phil DeVore thinks of himself as a rancher. But he doesn't ride the range tending his herd, he just drops meat scraps into the pond.

DeVore raises leeches on his farm south of Superior, Wisconsin. He says the little suckers are like black gold. The leeches are prized by fisherman as bait. DeVore tells the Duluth, Minnesota, News Tribune he's working 20 hours a day this time of year to keep up with demand.

DeVore's jumbo leeches sell for about 16 dollars a pound -- more expensive than steak. He says even if he wanted to eat leeches, he couldn't afford it.

Mmmmmmm, who's got the ketchup?? ;-)

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02 Jul 01 - 04:38 PM (#496853)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Jack the Sailor

Re-Leech me by Eigenbass Humptydump

Please re-leech give me bait
Cause the fish can barely wait
The worm I have is such a pain
re-leech me and let me fish again

The lure I have is very bored
It don't dangle any more
The fish will come on like a flood
If can let a little blood

The worm I love is such as leech
So please re-leech me I beseech
She won't give me a divorce
So I am fishing here of course

Please re-leech me let me grow
She's such a blood sucker, you know
And as the pain begins to wane
Re - leech me and let me fish again

'verd' to 'very' fixed by mudelf ;-)

---

02 Jul 01 - 04:48 PM (#496864)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: MMario

a slightly different article

Six Bucks and Ten (A Pound)
(to the tune of 3 Score and Ten)

Methinks I see a herd of leech
Staining the waters black
As in the stagnant pool they sit
waiting for some scraps
And methinks I see, in each jumbo leech
a host of moolah made
For when I pack them up as bait
is when I will get paid!

For it's Six Bucks and ten
Pay out again
If you want the world's best bait
These slimy things, good luck will bring
when after walleye you will go
So cough it up, Haul out the dough!
This bait is selling fast
I only have a couple tons, I gotta make it last!

Neph-a-lop-sis Ob-scur-a
is what the sucker's called
By Scientists, biologists
and nomenclature snobs
I call them my own Black Gold
And I can tell you why
I feed them trash, they bring me cash
I hope that they never die!

chorus

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02 Jul 01 - 04:57 PM (#496872)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: JenEllen

ewwwwwww! leeches and showtunes in my head...yuk! annie get your gun!!

There's no people like leech people
Slinging raw meat in a pond
Fisherpeople wait with breath that's baited
While the little suckers wriggle on
Their little appetites cannot be saited
So grab a hook, and slip 'em on

There's no business like leech business
Like no business we know
There's nothing in it really that's appealing
Everything about it without charm
Nowhere can you get that special feeling
Like when they're meal-ing upon your arm

~grossedoutgirl

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02 Jul 01 - 05:03 PM (#496877)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: MMario

but leech business is gold business
like no business I know
where else can I get this feeling
My bank acount will grow and grow?
Where else are the prices reeling?
Even GAS ain't this price per pound!

oops! sorry - just had to add that

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02 Jul 01 - 05:05 PM (#496880)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: JenEllen

LOLuverly!!!! Waytago MMario!! Not the least bit anemic...

~J

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02 Jul 01 - 05:08 PM (#496883)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: MMario

Of course now I won't be able to get "Annie Get your Gun" out of my head for about three days.....

earworm! mind-leech?

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02 Jul 01 - 05:09 PM (#496888)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: MMario

Rob - warn a person before you use lines like Re-leech me!

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02 Jul 01 - 05:10 PM (#496890)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: JenEllen

I can write any song grosser than you can
I can write anything grosser than you
No you can't
Yes I can
No you can't
Yes I caaaaaaan!

(how's THAT for your brain worms?)

~J

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02 Jul 01 - 05:12 PM (#496892)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Jack the Sailor

Every time I feed them I am a-peeling Little critters, from my Arm

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02 Jul 01 - 05:22 PM (#496905)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Jack the Sailor

The re-leech me line is the only one I thought about. I just started singing (silently) like Englebert and it flowed.

Think it may be a little surreal?

BTW it should be Very instead of verd bored.

Nice choice of songs JenEllen, I couldn't resist the twist on Appealing A-peeling. Nice mental picture, I think ;-)

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02 Jul 01 - 05:29 PM (#496914)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: SharonA

AWAY WITH A STRANGER
(Tune: "Away in a Manger")

Away with a stranger
Whose fibs his wife dreads,
The little old leeches
Hung down their slick heads.
The stars in the sky
Looked down at the brook:
The little old leeches
Attached to the hook.

The tackle is low'ring,
The lure in its wake
But little old leeches
No fish-food they make
He loves the old leeches;
Looks down on the fly
And stays by the streambed
Till morning is nigh.

O little old leeches,
I wish you could stay
Back home on your ranch where
You scoff meat all day.
Bless all the dear leechlings
In care of DeVore
And take them not brookward
To die anymore.

---

02 Jul 01 - 05:36 PM (#496925)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Áine

Wow!! Now I really thought it would take longer than 25 minutes for you guys to take the bait! ;-) And MMario, I did see that article; but, I shortened the story to let my darlin' Challenge!rs use their full and flowing imaginations on this one. Sometimes, too much info is not good for a song, and results in a 'just the facts, ma'am' kinda of thing. But, thanks just the same, my dearest Leo, with hugs and snogs on all relevant body parts...

First, I would like to add a humble verse to JenEllen's flow-stopper above:

There's no ranchin' like leech ranchin',
Like no ranchin' I know,
Raising worms and bees is just a hobby,
Worms get 'et and bee stings leave you knobby,
Bloody leeches catch the biggest crappy,
Although it's sloppy, it's quite a show!

Next and best, here are the first round of Silver B.L.O.B.s for you slicker than a civet sitting on a hot rock songsters:

To RobDale (Amos' SC! competition for the 'less than 60 seconds' honour, apparently) for:

The lure I have is very bored
It don't dangle any more
The fish will come on like a flood
If can let a little blood

To MMario for the lovely and romantic:

Neph-a-lop-sis Ob-scur-a
is what the sucker's called
By Scientists, biologists
and nomenclature snobs
I call them my own Black Gold
And I can tell you why
I feed them trash, they bring me cash
I hope that they never die!

To JenEllen (I love it! -- Ethel, where are you when we need you?) for:

There's no business like leech business
Like no business we know
There's nothing in it really that's appealing
Everything about it without charm
Nowhere can you get that special feeling
Like when they're meal-ing upon your arm

And the GG herself told me that she would love to see someone use Annie Get Your Gun for a parody tune for this Challenge! -- Anyone brave enough to take Annie on?? ;-)

Great start, Challenge!rs -- Áine

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02 Jul 01 - 05:39 PM (#496928)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Áine

Geez -- great songs are fallin' into my lap faster than a leech off a wet log!! Here ya go, SharonA, a Silver B.L.O.B. for the endearing:

O little old leeches,
I wish you could stay
Back home on your ranch where
You scoff meat all day.
Bless all the dear leechlings
In care of DeVore
And take them not brookward
To die anymore.

Hoo-haw, you 'newbies' are real sleepers, ain't ya?!?

-- Áine

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02 Jul 01 - 05:45 PM (#496933)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: JenEllen

Humble apologies to Cole Porter....blame it on the brain worms.

I Get a Fish Out of You (AnyBait Goes)

My story is much to sad to be told
Everything in my tackle box
Leaves me totally cold
The only exception I know is the case
When I'm out at my fishing hole
With a bucket of old tadpoles
And I suddenly turn and see
That magical bait

I catch no fish with a worm
Those that nightcrawl don't thrill me at all
So tell me why should it be true
That I get a fish out of you

Some get their fish with a lure
But banjo minnows and small plastic frogs
Like those guys on ESPN2
But I get a fish out of you

I get a fish everytime I see you on my hook acrobatic
You wiggle longer 'cause you're formerly aquatic
I get no fish with pink eggs
My bobber floats without one single bite
And coloured marshmellows chase fish away
So tell me why should it be true
That I get a fish out of you

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02 Jul 01 - 05:48 PM (#496935)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Áine

Dang, JenEllen -- if that ain't a GCCWMMSPS candidate, I don't know what is! I'm wiping Guinness off the screen and tryin' to type at the same time!

-- Áine

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02 Jul 01 - 05:50 PM (#496938)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: JenEllen

Yeah, and I'm trying to explain the humming and mad giggles to folks at work...we're even...LOL
~datgirl

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02 Jul 01 - 05:56 PM (#496943)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Village Idiot

To the tune of Mac the Knife

Oh, the leech, dear,
Has big lips, dear,
That's why they call him,
The barber's friend,
He will bleed you,
If you need to,
He'll put your ear back,
On again

This is my first post. Do I have a clue?

line breaks fixed by mudelf ;-)

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02 Jul 01 - 05:59 PM (#496948)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Village Idiot

I thought I wrote that last (and first) post in poetic form. But it came out like a sentence. What am I doing wrong here? Thanks.

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02 Jul 01 - 06:08 PM (#496959)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Uncle_DaveO

You need to put in HTML formatting. To make a line break, do (br), except instead of the parentheses you use the angle brackets you get with shifted period and comma. I didn't do it above but used parentheses because it wouuld have been acted on and I would have gotten the line break without the specimen typing.

To make a paragraph break you either do the line break twice or (p), using the angle brackets as before.

DAve Oesterreich

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02 Jul 01 - 06:11 PM (#496963)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Áine

Dear Village Idiot,

That's a great verse!! Keep it going, OK? You don't know how much it means to me to have a Song Challenge! be your first post in the wonderful world of the Mudcat!! Hoo-haw!!

And for more info on HTML stuff and other great Mudcat related subjects, please see the Mudcat FAQ-Newcomer's Guide thread at the top of the thread list on the main Forum page.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to the monkeyhouse!!!

-- Áine

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02 Jul 01 - 06:35 PM (#496977)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: JenEllen

OWWWWWW! My sides hurt!!! (and happy birthday too, eh Trap? *bg*)

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02 Jul 01 - 06:37 PM (#496978)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Áine

Oh hecky darn doody squats, Trapper, that's a gehr-ahn-teed Guinness Crest winner!! ROTFLMAO!!! Ooooops, there went my (until now) dry britches!!! I can't help but picture a very young Clint Eastwood dancin' around, slappin' his chaps, and singin' this song!! Lawd, somebody save me . . .

-- Áine

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02 Jul 01 - 06:41 PM (#496981)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Micca

A leech farmers lot!
Tune ( a Policeman's lot Gilbert and Sullivan)

When a fishermans intent on going fishing
Or indulging in his piscatorial plans
His capacity for catching mighty big ones
Is just as great as any other mans
His feelings he must grip and give no shudder
When the baiting up of hooks is to be done
Ah take one consideration with another
Ah leeches lot is not an happy one
Ahhh.. when your piscatorial duties to be done to be done
A leechs lot is not a happy one

When the enterprising De Vore's making money
With the big ones costing 16 bucks a pound
He loves to hear the cash till bell a ringing
As his cash crop simply churns the water round
And Superior Wisconsin is the hallmark
Thats securing his retirement in the sun
Tho' hes working 20 hours a day its worth it
For they pay out big to catch that great big One
Ahhh when you're piscatorial duties to be done to be done
A leech farmers lots a very happy one

---

02 Jul 01 - 06:41 PM (#496982)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Gareth

You may argue on your bait
hook, line and sinker while you wait,
Yes, maggot, leach or worm, on the hook they will squirm,
but the method that prooves best
in the East or the Wild West,
is a stick of Blasting Shot and a Coal Baord Fuse !

Gareth

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02 Jul 01 - 08:18 PM (#497056)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Amos

Jesus!!! I just opened this thread for the first time and there are twenty winners in line!!! This business is getting downright crowded!! Well, We'll see...we'll see.

A

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02 Jul 01 - 09:13 PM (#497087)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: MMario

The additional link was only meant to show where I got some additional stuff I used in the entry. Didn't want people to think I was making stuff up - (tho' I would of course if necessary)

Wow! what a Challenge!

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02 Jul 01 - 09:24 PM (#497092)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Amos

THE CASTRATION OF THE RASPBERRY LEECH

Tune: Strawberry Roan (Click to Play)

I was layin' round town in a house in Duluth,
Laid up with a  dame who used ganja fer truth
When a hop-head from Cheesetown came up with a grin
Says "I bet you're a gambler, I'ld bet you a fin".

With his arm 'round mah shoulders he sez, "Now youngblood,
You any damn good at tamin' wild studs?"
I says, "That's for sartain! As sure as yore white,.
I've had so much damn practice that I got it down right".

"Bring on your bad animules, I never saw one
That had me a guessin' or bothered me none."
He said. "Well, now maybe -- but, with all yer fine speech,
It's clear you ain't heard of the Raspberry Leech."

I says, "I guess we've all heard of that verminous sucker,
He's got glanders and crud, he's a mean mother f***er
He took over the lakes here way back in '68,
And until '86 he was the bane of this state."

"Wal, the stories I've heard, he's the King of the leeches,
He left slime on the roadways and spawn on the beaches,
An' I heard it took 10 men and twenty wild roans
Jes' tuh drag him to Wisconsin, so he'd leave us alone!"

"But you don't know my story, an' you don't know yer man,
Cuz I know I can tame him, if anyone can!
But the  man said, "Ya know, this bet still depends,
'Cuz I don't want him tamed, I want his vas deferens!"
 

cho: Oh! that Raspberry Leech!
Oh! That Raspberry Leech!
There's no way of countin' the offspring he's thrown!
Got teeth like a moray, he'll suck  blood from a stone!
An' he screams like a bearcat, with an unholy screech!
Oh! That Raspberry Leech

Wal, he gave me a paper, an' I signed it I guess
An' we traveled all night on the Midwest Express
An' I woke up at sunrise with fear in my chest,
And the town of Superior ten miles to the west

Wal, he fed me, and wined me, and made me feel tough,
He assured me that Leech never could have the stuff,
Then he hands me a razor, an' he hands me a strop
An' he tells me to make like a birth-control cop!

Well I wanders toward the pond with a whip and a creel,
I've mah twine at the ready and an edge on mah steel,
But the first time I saw him, mah heart took the fall --
He was big as a pick-up, an' most of it balls!

Wal it took all that day, an' most of the night
I wuz whuppin' an' slashin' with alla my might,
I was covered with sores an' I was covered in shit,
But ah kept on, cuz Ma said, "A man doesn't quit!"

Wal, he roared and he slammed , and he screeched and he bit
And I thought more'n once I had lost me a tit
But I snapped hard on that bull-whip, an' he reared up and then
With a twist of my wrist, I cut his vas deferens.
 

cho: Oh! that Raspberry Leech!
Oh! That Raspberry Leech!
There's no way of countin' the offspring he's thrown!
Got teeth like a moray, he'll suck  blood from a stone!
An' he screams like a bearcat, with an unholy screech!
Oh! That Raspberry Leech
 

The boss pulled me out, an' he says, "Boy, you done won!,
You done gone and did whut no-one coulda done
Wal, ya won fair an' square, so I'll buy you a feed,
An' fer payoff, well, here is yer full  title deed!

Well, Ah, picked up my hat, whar it lay on the ground,
An' ah read thet there paper, an' I knocked that dude down,
But I couldn't escape it, 'cuz Ah won the bet square,
An' my Ma says "A real man, he allus plays fair!"

So I live here alone in the stink of their scum,
A-roundin' up leech-colts like some pore farmer bum,
But Ah still dream at night of the turrible squalls,
The day Ole Raspberry had to give up his balls,
 

cho: Oh! that Raspberry Leech!
Oh! That Raspberry Leech!
There's no way of countin' the offspring he's thrown!
Got teeth like a moray, he'll suck  blood from a stone!
An' he screams like a bearcat, with an unholy screech!
Oh! That Raspberry Leech

 

Hope ya like it, rancheros!! Happy Trails!

Cowboy A.

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02 Jul 01 - 09:36 PM (#497105)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: katlaughing

Sung by the Leeches to Tomorrow:

They'll come and get us
Tomorrow
Getting top dollar
For us, tomorrow
They'll get us!

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Makes us squirm and pucker
Hate tomorrow
No more hooks!

When we're stuck on a hook
And, dunked,
In the water,
We just shiver and swim
And suck,
And cry,
Oh

They're coming for us
Tomorrow
Hang us on a hook
Oh tomorrow
Come what may

Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
Never come!
Tomorrow!

(Thankfully)You're always
A day
Away!

Oh, cripes, I am rusty! Have to practice up!

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02 Jul 01 - 09:37 PM (#497107)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: JenEllen

definate CWO (chaps wetting opportunity...) LMAO Moosie!

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02 Jul 01 - 11:16 PM (#497171)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Amos

Reminds me of a New Age Sailing Chanty:

Wet away, lassies, wet away!
For we're safe in Cali-for-nia!!

BTW Mud Elf Alert: "Ole Strawberry" up above should read "Ole Raspberry". Mea culpa!

Regards,

A

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03 Jul 01 - 04:24 AM (#497287)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Aidan Crossey

To the tune of "Sixteen Tons"

I was born one morning, in the midst of a swamp
The ground was soggy, the air was damp
There was a wriggling and a writhing in the slime and the mud
As the leeches came a-crawling to taste new blood

Chorus
You pay 16 bucks and what do you get?
A pound of blood-sucking invertebrates
St Peter don't you call me, cos I can't go
I'm making a fortune out of nematodes

I've spent all of my life anaemic and white
The hand that feeds, these guys don't bite
They find a vein, clamp on and suck
Growing big and juicy, an ounce a buck

Chorus

So come all you greedy enterpreneurs
You venture capitalist millionaires
The money I earn would make you seeck (poetic licence)
And it's dress-down Friday every day of the week

Chorus, repeated ad nauseam

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03 Jul 01 - 08:48 AM (#497392)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: SharonA

Sí, señor, ees veree seeck!

Wow, all these songs are so great! I haven't got any more at the moment, though one is in the works, but I wanted to let y'all know in case you're interested: I'm going to be on Mudcat Radio this evening!

MaryMac called me last night and invited me for the umpteenth time, pointing out that tomorrow's a holiday and I don't have to get up early for work (that's been my excuse up to now). So I'll be there tonight for the first time! The show begins at 7 pm, US Eastern Daylight Time, and I think it runs for 2 or 2-and-a-half hours. Please tune in and listen to me sing some original songs and flub some lyrics! (no, I don't just do that when I'm typing!)

SharonA

P.S. - Would it be appropriate to perform one of my Song Challenge! songs there? (I'm thinking "You've Got a Blend")

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03 Jul 01 - 08:58 AM (#497402)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: MMario

Sharon! When did you make the transition over to member? (Not that it really makes any difference except now you can get PM's and go to the auction)

Fantastic news avbout the radio show - tho' I don't get to hear it until it's archived. Yes, please do a challenge song...and don't forget - MaryMac is always late...

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03 Jul 01 - 09:07 AM (#497409)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Amos

Swear to God this crew jus' gets better and better!

I am cracking up reviewing all the genius in this thread! "Releech me"!! "Burn 'em off!!!" "Makin a fortune offa nematodes"! "They'll come and get us tomorrow!" "A leech farmer's lot!" "Methinks I see a herd of leech!" "That special feeling when they're mealing on your arm??!" Heeheeeheee!!

Sharon, you sing whatever please yore mind to!! I look forward to it.

A

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03 Jul 01 - 09:56 AM (#497452)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Kim C

I have to tell you this story.

We were at Colonial Williamsburg in the apothecary shop. They keep a live leech in a jar for people to see. A father said to his daughter, now get a good look at that, because you probably won't ever see one again.

I said, you might if you go wading barefoot in the creek.

They looked at me like I was from Mars.

There are leeches in the UNITED STATES?! they said incredulously.

Well, yes, I said. They're just about everywhere.

Where are you from? the father asked me.

Tennessee, I said.

I thought they imported them from Asia! the mother said. (now think about this ---- it's 1750 ----- how are you going to keep leeches alive on a voyage from ASIA?)

No ma'am, I said, they just went to the creek bed and got them.

They walked away, shaking their heads...

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03 Jul 01 - 10:14 AM (#497466)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Amos

Oh, the woeful ignorance of some folks!! WOEful, is whut!! Kids kin grow up their whole lives without never pulling no leeches off 'em!! It ain't right, I tellya!! We need to start a Leech Learning Summer Camp for them pooor underpriveleged chilluns!

A

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03 Jul 01 - 01:29 PM (#497630)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Jack the Sailor

More Consumer commentary

(Male sings happily)
Oh! Its time to go a fishin' And I can hardly wait
It's time to geat a fishin' boat and rods and reels and bait
I'll drive up to the country in a four ton S.U.V.
And save our selves some money catching fish for you and me

(Female sings indifferently)
We won't save any money by catchin our own fish
And I won't be goin' fisin' but you do what you wish
Yes my dear I tell you, you do as you please
You catch your fish and eat them, I'll go to Captian D's

(Male Sings proudly)
But I am your provider, well at least I try to be
I thought that it would please you to get out fish for free
I am your sole provider, its one thing that I do
I go out to catch them and bring them back to you

(Woman sings irritatedly)
The boat cost twenty thousand and you've used it twenty times
And five hundred dollars for rods and reels and lines
Honey, you know I love you but your judgement ain't too sound!
'Cause now you're buying leeches for sixteen bucks a pound

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03 Jul 01 - 03:57 PM (#497745)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Amos

LOL!!! Well-captured classic dialogue, RD. Really catches the spirit of the Mars, Venus, and Money archetype!! Nice work.

A

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03 Jul 01 - 05:22 PM (#497790)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Áine

Well, I won't waste my breath at this juncture saying how great your entries are, since it's obvious that I'll be saying that for a long time to come -- especially since the recent infusion of 'new blood' from all you newly arrived Challenge!rs has upped the anty for the rest of us ;-) -- So, I'll just hand out the latest Silver B.L.O.B.s and sit back and be amazed at what you come up with next . . .

To Trapper (yee-haw!) for:

To make a million buckers,
I bought this pond of suckers,
To sell to fishing ...sportsmen,
I tried!
But when feeding them their carrion,
I slipped while I was tarryin'
Now they're eating me from out and from inside...
Now if no one from Wisconsin
Hears me, and then responds in
A minute, I'll be fried....

To Micca for the 'fresh off the broadside':

His feelings he must grip and give no shudder
When the baiting up of hooks is to be done
Ah take one consideration with another
Ah leeches lot is not an happy one
Ahhh.. when your piscatorial duties to be done to be done
A leechs lot is not a happy one

To Amos (ouch!) for:

"But you don't know my story, an' you don't know yer man,
Cuz I know I can tame him, if anyone can!
But the man said, "Ya know, this bet still depends,
'Cuz I don't want him tamed, I want his vas deferens!"

To kat/katlaughing (great to see you here again, m.) for the tender:

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Makes us squirm and pucker
Hate tomorrow
No more hooks!

To derrymacash for the Tennessee Ernie Ford worthy:

You pay 16 bucks and what do you get?
A pound of blood-sucking invertebrates
St Peter don't you call me, cos I can't go
I'm making a fortune out of nematodes

To RobDale for (of course I'm goin' to pick this verse!):

The boat cost twenty thousand and you've used it twenty times
And five hundred dollars for rods and reels and lines
Honey, you know I love you but your judgement ain't too sound!
'Cause now you're buying leeches for sixteen bucks a pound

Maith sibh! and Well Done! to you all -- And a congrats in advance to SharonA on her Mudcat Radio appearance this evening -- Psssttt! - Attention all other Challenge!rs -- Since she'll busy for at least a couple of hours tonight, maybe the rest of us can get a chance to put our songs in the contest . . . ;-)

Keep it going!! -- Áine

---

03 Jul 01 - 06:17 PM (#497826)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Bradypus

(Grabbing the chance)

A little bit country - 'Yonder Comes A Sucker' by Jim Reeves ...

Yonder Comes a Sucker

Chorus

Sail boat, row boat, river or lake beach
Yonder comes a sucker – he's a jumbo leech
And I'm castin', castin', castin
And I'm castin', castin', castin
And I bid him a fond farewell

Now some folks think a leech is gross
They've no idea – and that's their loss
For if you want to bait a hook
A leech is best in any book

Chorus

So here's my plan – works like a charm
I'm starting up a new leech farm
Just get some meat that's full of blood
And watch those suckers suck their food

Chorus

Now in my pond, lo and behold
A writhing mass of pure black gold
Each of them squirms, and each one sucks
And each full pound costs sixteen bucks

Chorus

And now at last my fortune's made
By sellin' to the fishin' trade
If you've a rod, and you pass by
I'll sell to you – I'll suck you dry

Chorus

Sail boat, row boat, river or lake beach
Yonder comes a sucker – for a jumbo leech
And I'm sellin', sellin' sellin'
And I'm sellin', sellin' sellin'
And I bid you a fond farewell

'beech' to 'beach' accomplished by mudelf ;-)

---

04 Jul 01 - 09:50 AM (#498230)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Áine

Brilliant, Bradypus! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Now in my pond, lo and behold
A writhing mass of pure black gold
Each of them squirms, and each one sucks
And each full pound costs sixteen bucks

And now, here's my offering for y'all's consideration. The tune is a cross between two songs; the verse is from The Beverly Hillbillies TV theme song, and the chorus is from the theme song for the old, old TV show, Davy Crockett. Blame the strangeness on watching too many Hitchcock films in my youth . . .

Leeches in the Mornin' Sun by Áine

Well, I woke up in the mornin' and I jumped onto the floor,
'Jaysus, what's them slimey thangs?,' I yelled to Miz DeVore,
'Them's the leeches from the crick,' she said, 'a slitherin' in the door,'
'An if'n you don't catch 'em, we'll be feelin' mighty poor!'

Chorus:
Leeches, crawlin' 'round us,
Shinin' in the mornin' sun

Miz DeVore picked up her fryin' pan, them leeches for to whack,
I stepped and slid across the room and got hit with a THWACK!,
The effect was just like poitín that my daddy made so bold,
And I saw them slimey critters turn into a pot of gold!

Chorus:
Leeches, suckin' on me,
Turnin' into dollar bills!

Well I grabbed the mizzus' skillet and I started to collect,
All them bloated little buggers and I made myself a bet,
That I could fin'lly turn my farm into an 'enterprise',
With cash I'd go to town and hit that banker in the eye,!

Chorus:
No more mortgage payments,
That leech'll be kissin' my bum!

Well, I took my tiny saviours and I threw 'em in the pond,
And after that, my hat and coat I went inside and donned,
Miz DeVore an' me jumped in the truck and drove to Kankakee,
An' bought up all the sirloin in town that we could see!

Chorus:
Hunker down on that, boys,
Suck us out of bankruptcy!

I never thought the bloody thangs would make me work so hard,
A fella from the paper came and thought he was a card,
His cracks about my 'ranchin'' made me see nothin' but red,
And when I came back to myself, that fella, he was dead!

Chorus:
Sinkin' into hist'ry,
Never laughin' at my friends again!

Well, that reporter he was never missed, 'cuz no one ever asked,
And in the fame his paper brought, I was content to bask,
At 16 bucks a pound that I charge for my little friends,
It's me that bleeds that banker dry, and now my story ends.

Chorus:
Leeches, crawlin' round him,
And I'm laughin' in the mornin' sun!

---

04 Jul 01 - 12:50 PM (#498356)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Amos

Vivid stuff, Red!! Love it!

A

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04 Jul 01 - 01:59 PM (#498410)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: MMario

Huzzah!

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04 Jul 01 - 04:56 PM (#498500)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Bradypus

Continuing in Sharon's apologetic vein, 'beech' should obviously be 'beach' in the chorus of my song. Sorry.

Bradypus

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05 Jul 01 - 09:17 AM (#498872)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: SharonA

When I finally signed up for membership last Monday, I came this close to changing my nickname to "Sorry" so I could be apologetic EVERY SINGLE TIME I posted a message!!!

Áine, that "combo-tune" song is a riot! Relax; I haven't finished any more songs yet... I've been too busy calming down after the exhilaration of appearing on Mudcat Radio last Tuesday (and the nervousness of the commute; I hate driving to unfamiliar places by myself!). Thanks once again to everyone for your encouragement, compliments and kindness; it really means a lot to me, to have this supportive group cheering me on!! I have every intention of braving the commute to appear there again in the future (Marymac's birthday celebration show is coming up on the 24th; tune in if you can!).

SharonA

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05 Jul 01 - 09:21 AM (#498877)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Áine

Alrightey, Challenge!rs -- Have we bled this one dry yet? Does anyone else want to open a vein of creativity and enter another song? Or do y'all want to let this Challenge! scab over, so we can move on to another one? Mmmmmmmm?

Let me know, 'cuz I've got another itch to scratch! '-)

-- Áine

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05 Jul 01 - 09:29 AM (#498886)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: MMario

Scratch away! (I never did believe it when they said you get infections that way)

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05 Jul 01 - 09:53 AM (#498903)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: SharonA

Yipes! I'd better submit while the submittin's good!

I CALL TO LEECHES
(Tune: "I Fall to Pieces" as performed by Patsy Cline)

I call to leeches
Each time I feed them again.
I call to leeches;
How can I be their ranch-hand?

They want to attack with their bleedin' kiss.
They want my white plate-let
Given with no regret.
And I've tried skin to hide;
I won't give in yet.
I walk by
And I call to leeches.

I call to leeches
Each time some angler wants same.
I call to leeches;
Time only adds to their fame.

The fishermen find it's the leech they love
'Cause fishes love them too
The way I used to do.
But each time I'd go eat them,
Some cash I blew.
You all buy
And I'll call to leeches.
You all buy
And I'll call to leeches.

---

05 Jul 01 - 09:55 AM (#498905)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: MMario

d*mn, women! That was *good* coffee I just sprayed, not the cheap stuff I buy myself...

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05 Jul 01 - 10:05 AM (#498916)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Jack the Sailor

I know the feeling MMario. I hate wasting my Kopi Luwak!!:)

---

05 Jul 01 - 10:30 AM (#498927)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Jack the Sailor

Let me tell you a story 'bout a man name DeVore
He's doin well now, but he used to be poor
He was out one day just a swimin in the creek
But when he jumped out he was a-covered with leech

Leeches that is, black as coal
Wisconsin Gold

A fisherman said can you sell some to me
And that made Phil just as happy as can be.
He took some carrion and tossed it in the pond.
And by now his troubles are gone.

Swimming in the pool,
feeding the stock

Now here's a thought that will make you blanch.
When ya talk to Phil he calls his spread a ranch
It ain't just talk but here's my only proof
His herd is worth more than beef on the hoof

More than Filet
Sixteen dollars a pound

And now its time to say goodbye to our leech growing man
Other folks have seen bad times but Phil has got a plan
We wishin him good fortune but he don't need no luck
We ask him how his business is. He says, its great! It really sucks!

All come back now y' hear
Take your shoes off,
fainting spell.......

---

05 Jul 01 - 11:22 AM (#498949)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Amos

It really really does! LOL!! Nice job, Rob Dale -- ya got the Mudcat Flair!

A

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05 Jul 01 - 12:28 PM (#499011)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Jack the Sailor

We need a blues song! We don't have a blues song yet. Come on folks help me write one. Please add a verse or two.

Leech home, Wisconsin (Mudcat Co-op) to the tune of "Sweet home Chicago"

Weeeeeeellllll One and one is two eight and eight are sixteen
That's what I pay for leeches if you know what I mean
Heidy Heyyyyyy
For bait you know you gotta go!
Out to that great bait place
Leech home, Wisconsin

---

05 Jul 01 - 12:31 PM (#499016)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: SharonA

LAST SIX LEECHES
(Tune: "Plastic Jesus")

Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes.
Long as I have my last six leeches
Ridin' in my cup of styrofoam,
Through all streams and tributaries
I will fish though daylight varies;
With my last six leeches, I will roam.

CHORUS: Last six leeches, last six leeches,
Ridin' in my cup of styrofoam,
Through all streams and tributaries
I will fish though daylight varies;
With my last six leeches, I will roam.

I don't care if it's carp or walleye
Long as I have my suckin' small fry
Ridin' in my cup of styrofoam
I feel I'm a fishin' stallion
I bought a whole damn leech battalion
Ridin' in my cup of styrofoam

(CHORUS)

No, I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my last six leeches
Ridin' in my cup of styrofoam
But I think they'll have to go
Into the water, sinkin' low
And when I catch some fish, I can go home.

(CHORUS)

I don't care if I reeled or wrestled,
Long as I know a leech is nestled
Ridin' in the stomach of each trout.
When I give my wife the mess
Of fish to clean, Her Nagginess
Will find the leech inside and pull it out.

(CHORUS)

God made fishin' fun, it's true.
God made naggin' housewives, too.
Paradoxes populate my home.
"Bring back leeches in a bass,
She says, "Or they'll be on your ass
If they're in that cup of styrofoam."

(CHORUS)

Haughty wifey, smug and smilin',
Looks so dainty and beguilin'
Reachin' in my cup of styrofoam.
Her message clear: Fish night and day,
Or my poor butt is gonna pay
If I'm gone too long away from home.

(CHORUS)

Well, I don't plan on fornicatin'
Long as I have my wife a-waitin'
With her big fillet knife back at home.
I stick with her so she'll wash my breeches;
Guess I'm bad as my last six leeches
Ridin' in my cup of styrofoam.

(CHORUS)

If I stay out late at night,
My rod's just fishin' by moonlight;
That's the only reason that I roam.
I've gotta bring back fish to eat
Or she'll lock me out in the street,
Cryin' in my cup of styrofoam.

LAST CHORUS: Last six leeches, last six leeches,
Ridin' in my cup of styrofoam.
Fish with me and have a leech
And cast as far as you can reach
"Cause I still need some fish to take back home!

---

05 Jul 01 - 12:35 PM (#499017)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: MMario

y'know - SharonA - if you didn't sing so pretty and write such great lyrics - I could learn to *hate* you...

woops! sorry - that's my insecurity speaking - I thought I'd gotten him gagged...

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05 Jul 01 - 01:30 PM (#499076)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: SharonA

MMario: Whew! I'm glad I got on Mudcat Radio BEFORE I posted today's songs, so you won't hate me. Thanks for checking out the show on the archives, and for the positive review! :^)

SharonA

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05 Jul 01 - 01:43 PM (#499080)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: JenEllen

Omigawd, you folks are certifiable! Sharon, you should NOT be 'Sorry', unless it's for all the witty unwittingness of inciting spewd brew.

~Jen (waiting for the Elvis version of "All Suck Up")

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05 Jul 01 - 02:02 PM (#499085)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: MMario

Sharon- aside from the fact I'm sure you know I'm only funning - how could I possibly even dislikea women who can rhyme "freezes" with "leeches" and make it sound "right"?

By the great gaelic goddess, even without the voice and the playing - you should be declared a MudCat treasure - with them...wow...

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05 Jul 01 - 02:13 PM (#499097)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: GUEST,Robdale

Pretty cool Sharon "All Suck Up" would be cool but I imagine it as a song about a bunch of potbellied men getting their picture taken. The older Elvis in one of his "support" jumpsuits being the perfect

Bless my soul whats a wrong with me?
My belly is a hanging out over my jeans.
We may be chubby, We don't want em to see
so we All suck up, o ho ho, ho, ho yeah yeah

What's worse I've got this old Supertramp melody running through my brain.

They're draining again, Oh! No! they're draining again
the leeches are draining again.......

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05 Jul 01 - 02:25 PM (#499107)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: SharonA

Aw, c'mon, MMario, you're embarrassing me!

Actually, I don't like to "force-rhyme" words that don't really rhyme, but I wasn't sure what else to do there...

"I don't care if it's streams or beaches, long as I have..."?
"I don't care if it's fish or sneetches..."? Nah.

SharonA

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05 Jul 01 - 02:57 PM (#499138)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: GUEST,RobDale

Hi SharonA I've read a lot of instruction on songwriting in the last year.

There is much debate about rhyming.

There are near rhymes and perfect rhymes. I guess it is usually better to use perfect rhymes but sometimes a near rhyme can have more impact because it is unexpected. A perfect example of that is the song you parodied. When I first heard the song rhyming freezes with Jesus is quite unexpected and funny. It lets you know right away you are listening to comedy and lets you chuckle through the rest of the song. But why am I telling YOU this? I've seen you use this technique to good effect in quite a few of your songs. Keep up the good work!!

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05 Jul 01 - 05:51 PM (#499280)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: SharonA

Thank you, Rob (JenEllen too, and alla resta youse guys!). I'd like to read up on songwriting techniques as well; Rob, why don't you start a thread and list your resources, and others can add to the list? ...unless there is an existing thread for you to add to... Can any members out there point us to one with a blueclickeything? Thanks!

SharonA

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05 Jul 01 - 11:52 PM (#499521)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Amos

I don't care if she over-reaches?

I don't care if they storm the beaches?

I don't care if you don't wear breeches?

I don't care if the hootowl screeches?

I don't care if I can't m-m-m-make speeches?

I don't care what the Gospel teaches?

I don't care if the old man preaches?

I don't care if I eat green peaches?

I don't care if the sub-soil leaches?

I don't care if Boulder Dam breaches? I don't care if Da Capo peaches?

Ok, ok, ok, ok.....

A

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06 Jul 01 - 08:23 AM (#499677)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: SharonA

Ah, well, to eaches own.

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06 Jul 01 - 09:26 AM (#499720)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Amos

Oy! Sharon!!

A

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06 Jul 01 - 11:40 AM (#499839)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Lin in Kansas


John In Remote Kansas (JIRK) on LIK's cookie

All of us flatlanders in Kansas have been well aware of the value of a good leach for baitin' fish, but THEY BITE!
Out here, the knowledgeable baitfishers know that a good old night crawler will outdo even a leech, if ya know how to fish them. Since nightcrawlers will burrow into the muddy bottoms of our slow old streams, us good ol' boys carrys us a hypodermic syringe (pronounced sighrenj) in our tackle box, so's we can pop a little air into the night crawlers tail. Makes his tail float, so's he sticks up out of the mud jest like a leech. That way, you ketch the same fish, but you lose a lot less blood since you avoid handlin' them messy leeches.

Give me a good old night crawler with a bubble in his B*tt!

Does this suggest a philosophical conflict of principles that needs a story song?

John :-0

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06 Jul 01 - 12:33 PM (#499884)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: SharonA

Well, of course! But then, doesn't everything need a song?

Here in southeastern Pennsylvania, they sell a product called a "Worm Floater" (a semi-soft, hollow plastic bulb with a needle at one end) that performs the same function as the sighrenj: stick the needle into the worm and squeeze the bulb! Night crawlers are available not only at hunting-and-fishing supply stores but also at convenience stores and some supermarkets... but you'd be a lot harder-pressed to find leeches for sale here.

SharonA, a.k.a. "The Caster of Disaster"

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06 Jul 01 - 12:40 PM (#499890)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: SharonA

"Disaster", that is, for the trees, undergrowth and occasional fishing partner entangled in my line... the fish are safe from me.

SharonA

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06 Jul 01 - 12:46 PM (#499895)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: MMario

And people think 'spaw is wierd for blowing up cleigh's butt? Youse guys inflate worms?

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06 Jul 01 - 04:37 PM (#500104)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 58
From: Áine

Since this Challenge! is becoming way too weird, what with bubbles in worms' butts and whatnot -- The Keeper of the Book is calling a screeching halt to this one ;-) Cudos, congrats and many, many thanks to all you darlin' Challenge!rs for 'letting it all out' in your songs about our little bloated slimey friends . . . Here are your awards:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):
A Leech Farmers Lot! by Micca
Away With A Stranger by SharonA
No People Like Leech People by JenEllen, MMario and Áine
Yonder Comes a Sucker by Bradypus

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):
Last Six Leeches by SharonA
The Leeches 'Tomorrow' by kat/katlaughing
More Consumer Commentary by RobDale
Six Bucks and Ten (A Pound) by Mmario
Sixteen Bucks by derrymacash

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):
The Castration of the Raspberry Leech by Amos
LEECH HIDE! by Trapper
Re-Leech Me by Eigenbass Humptydump (aka RobDale)

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):
I Get a Fish Out of You (Any Bait Goes) by JenEllen

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration (The Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration is awarded for the best cow chip chunking Country version of a song in a Challenge!):
I Call to Leeches by SharonA
Wisconsin Gold by RobDale

Well done, you all!! I've got a good one coming up from Kim C . . . just in time for the weekend ;-)

-- Áine

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