Daft instructions

02 Aug 01 - 03:49 PM (#519889)
Subject: Daft instructions
From: Arnie

I thought I'd seen some stupid instructions in my time but yesterday I read a prize winner!! My daughter was trying to put up a new tent, and having a few problems. Working on the old premise that 'when all else fails, read the instructions', I had a look at the little book that came with it. The first line read "Ensure you erect tent before using it"!!! I kid you not - I just had this vision of some hapless sod trying to wriggle into the tent without erecting it first and wondering why there was so little room inside!

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02 Aug 01 - 03:55 PM (#519892)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: radriano

Seen on a bag of Fritos corn chips:

Enter the contest. No purchase necessary. Details inside.

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02 Aug 01 - 04:00 PM (#519894)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: JohnInKansas

Arnie: Many years ago, at one of my first trips to the Walnut Valley Festival - greatest campground pickin' ever - a couple of boys from Texas made the trip ('bout 600 miles). They got there with their gitars and their tent. Forgot the tent poles.

They proved you can sleep in a tent without an erection.

Seemed to have a good time too.

John

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02 Aug 01 - 04:01 PM (#519895)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Micca

I've always liked the Instructions on a bottle of Shampoo years ago
" carefully pour a lttle shampoo into the palm of each hand...!!!!"

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02 Aug 01 - 04:22 PM (#519904)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: pavane

New Scientist ran these for weeks (or months). 'Caution may be hot when heated' and so on.

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02 Aug 01 - 04:25 PM (#519907)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Arnie

then there's the old favourite "Warning - this product may contain peanut" - printed on an airline pack of peanuts!!

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02 Aug 01 - 05:34 PM (#519970)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Liz the Squeak

I like the warning 'do not drive or operate heavy machinery' printed on the bottle of children's paracetamol (Calpol) I was recommended for my daughter's teething pain! Does a plastic hammer count as 'heavy machinery'?

LTS

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02 Aug 01 - 05:35 PM (#519972)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Liz the Squeak

And 'warning, may cause drowsiness' on the bottle of sleeping pills I got for myself, for my daughter's teething pain.....

LTS

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02 Aug 01 - 06:29 PM (#520006)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST,Dave the cookieless (at the mo) Gnome

Seen this very evening on a sachet of Sainsbury's Carbonara sauce - Cut packet open part way and stand upright in the microwave.

Who else but a Gnome could do that????

Best one is the old instructions on a famous deodorent (sp?) - Remove lid and push up bottom....;-)

Cheers

DtG

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02 Aug 01 - 06:51 PM (#520030)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Bert

Seen on a barbecue grill

Lighting instructions
  1. Read instructions before lighting.

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02 Aug 01 - 06:56 PM (#520037)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST,khandu

Recently seen on a soft drink bottle (Maybe Snapple),

"Chill, Remove cap, Drink, repeat steps 1-3 if necessary."

khandu

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02 Aug 01 - 11:20 PM (#520149)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST,Geordie

on a bathing suit..."dry clean only"!

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03 Aug 01 - 05:36 AM (#520229)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Ringer

Dave the Gnome's post above reminds me of that celebrated wartime headline: "BRITISH PUSH BOTTLES UP GERMANS".

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03 Aug 01 - 06:56 AM (#520247)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: kendall

On a bottle of tub & tile cleaner, for bathrooms, use only in a well ventilated area. If the bathroom was well vented, you wouldn't have mould or milldew in the first place.

on a plastic wheelbarrow...do not use in temperatures above 150 degrees.

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03 Aug 01 - 07:52 AM (#520268)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Michael in Swansea

On a chainsaw box "Do not attempt to stop rotating blade with genitals"

Mike

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03 Aug 01 - 08:45 AM (#520297)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: LR Mole

Oop--off we go into headlines:THUGS EAT,THEN ROB,PROPRIETOR...

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31 Oct 09 - 08:57 PM (#2757104)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Mr Happy

On a seed packet, 'when seedlings are 2 inches high, stand outside for a few days'


.......on a box of matches, 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN!' - sound advice!

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31 Oct 09 - 09:10 PM (#2757112)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Suegorgeous

Why is this under the music threads?

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31 Oct 09 - 09:11 PM (#2757114)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Q (Frank Staplin)

On an old one on this renewed thread, from Kendall-

"On a bottle of tub and tile cleaner for bathrooms, use only in a well-vented place. If the bathroom was well-vented, one wouldn't have mildew or mould in the first place."

Obviously Kendall has never lived in the steamy south or the tropics!

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31 Oct 09 - 09:14 PM (#2757116)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Mr Happy

Why is this under the music threads?

Its not under the music threads

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31 Oct 09 - 09:44 PM (#2757132)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Suegorgeous

Umm, yes it is!

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31 Oct 09 - 09:55 PM (#2757138)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Leadfingers

DONT imply ANY criticism of the way this site works !!

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31 Oct 09 - 10:17 PM (#2757150)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Suegorgeous

Umm, wasn't! :0 :)

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01 Nov 09 - 08:46 AM (#2757192)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Young Buchan

There used to be a computer called an Archimedes. They were nice little educational machines aimed at schools. I guess they had a couple of Mgs memory, and were used mainly for word processing/DTP.

The instruction book used to carry the warning: This machine should not be used as part of a life support system.

The terrifying thing is the early instruction books didn't carry the warning. So presumably it was added because ....!

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01 Nov 09 - 08:58 AM (#2757198)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Rog Peek

Mr. Happy, I suppose it's because someone forgot to read the instruction!

Rog

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01 Nov 09 - 09:17 AM (#2757205)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: MGM·Lion

I used to like the one on a jampot: "To open, pierce with a pin; then push off".

[I too have been wondering why this is a musical thread — but I suppose it's all folklore of a sort.]

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01 Nov 09 - 09:33 AM (#2757210)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Rasener

LOL Just reading instructions for attending hospital.

Do not wear any make up, or nail polish on your fingers and toes.

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01 Nov 09 - 09:37 AM (#2757212)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST,Peter Laban

At a camp site: 'Every erection on this site must be reported to the warden'

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01 Nov 09 - 10:44 AM (#2757251)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: RTim

This Page is blank

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01 Nov 09 - 10:44 AM (#2757252)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Rasener

LOL

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01 Nov 09 - 10:56 AM (#2757256)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Bat Goddess

After hearing in "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy about the instructions on a packet of toothpicks (I think that's where I read it), I checked a few of the Read Before Using notes on items where one would think them unnecessary. I found on a packet of wet wipes/naps, "Tear open packet, remove wet nap, unfold and use." Right, not particularly effective if you don't take it out of the container.

When I had a tubal ligation in the '80s, one of the multitude of legal papers I had to sign was one warning me that the procedure might possibly make me sterile. I said to the nurse, "If it DOESN'T, my surgeon gets sued!)

Linn

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01 Nov 09 - 12:35 PM (#2757327)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Mavis Enderby

On a packet of noodles:

"Cook until done"

Can't argue with that!

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01 Nov 09 - 01:13 PM (#2757356)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Acorn4

We were forced to be in the CCF at school and had to do a bit of army training. There was an excerpt from a manual on judging distances which went something like:-

"Take a point which is approximately half way to the point to which you want to estimate the distance.

Estimate the distance to that point and double it!"

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01 Nov 09 - 02:30 PM (#2757400)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST

My first computer, which had it's ups and downs, once gave me this message;
Keyboard not detected, press any key to continue!

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01 Nov 09 - 03:23 PM (#2757432)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Dave the Gnome

Open tin and stand in boiling water for 30 minutes. My feet were sore for weeks.

But I am told I should not take these things too literealy. An old lady asked me if I could see her across the road the other day. So I crossed over, came back and said "Yes, I can see you fine thanks."

:D (eG)

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01 Nov 09 - 03:25 PM (#2757433)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Dave the Gnome

Oh - and the last bit could make it into a music thread. It was from Mike Canavan - "The easiest thing in all the world is to do what you are told"

D.

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02 Nov 09 - 02:31 AM (#2757711)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: manitas_at_work

Doesn't this thread pre-date the BS split?

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02 Nov 09 - 03:37 AM (#2757730)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: CarolC

It was upstairs because it was started in 2001, before there was a BS section, so when it was refreshed, it automatically went up top.

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02 Nov 09 - 05:30 AM (#2757769)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Slag

Wasn't it "This page intentionally left blank." And, of course, it was perhaps INTENDED to be left blank but now it has writing on it.

Now appearing on Rx bottles everywhere "Take by mouth". Wow! consider the possibilities! "Uh, Doctor, I took the medicine and it didn't do anything to help my condition. In fact I'm worse. Now I can barely hear a thing! What's that you say? Eh? Oh, no I stuck them in my ears."

And it could have been worse!

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02 Nov 09 - 05:38 AM (#2757773)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Bonnie Shaljean

My favourite was the promise I saw emblazoned on a can of insect spray: "Kills with permanent and long-lasting death."

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02 Nov 09 - 05:39 AM (#2757775)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Bryn Pugh

At risk of thread drift - I have posed in another thread

"For all the good those suppsotories did me, I migh just as well have shoved 'em up my arse".

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02 Nov 09 - 05:46 AM (#2757779)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: s&r

The intentionally blank page is used in examinations to assure thecandidate that the page is not blank due to a printing error

Stu

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02 Nov 09 - 10:27 AM (#2757917)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST,NIckp cookieless

Sit on a hot stove and stir frequently

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02 Nov 09 - 10:45 AM (#2757930)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Arnie

This thread is so old that I've just read it and didn't immediately realise it was one of mine! Gosh - August 2001, my daughter was still living at home and into camping - seems like a lifetime ago. It's a sort of zombie thread, returning from the dead after 8 yrs - what prompted Mr Happy to resurrect it I wonder??

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02 Nov 09 - 11:36 AM (#2757969)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: CarolC

LR Mole was the last person to post to it before it was recently refreshed. He passed away in December of 2001 (Happy Birthday, Mr. Mole).

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02 Nov 09 - 11:39 AM (#2757973)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: CarolC

What I'm wondering is how Mr. Happy was able to do it. Most old non-music threads like this one are now closed.

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02 Nov 09 - 02:04 PM (#2758075)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Big Mick

No they aren't.

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02 Nov 09 - 03:01 PM (#2758115)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Gurney

We have a set of wooden kitchen chairs, made in England, bearing the fatuous label, 'Warning. Careless use of matches may set fire to this furniture.'
I always wondered why they made matchsticks of that wooden stuff.

The instructions with the electric kettle. 'Do not use near water. Not to be used by unqualified persons.'
I phoned them, but they wouldn't come and make me a cup of tea.

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02 Nov 09 - 03:14 PM (#2758127)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: fat B****rd

I used to work for a firm whose pay packets bore the instruction 'Always check wages before opening envelope'

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02 Nov 09 - 06:26 PM (#2758288)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Joe_F

"If salted, contains salt"

*

Back in the '60s, the office I worked in bought a microfilm reader. We opened the carton, gingerly hefted various parts out of it, including some massive pieces of glass, and laid them on the table. At the bottom of the box was a sheet headed "Instructions for Unpacking". The first instruction was to turn the carton upside down and open the bottom. That was from Eastman Kodak!

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03 Nov 09 - 01:45 AM (#2758440)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: CarolC

This thread wasn't closed because it wasn't initially designated as a BS thread, and went into the music section by default. I think it dates back to the time before there was such a thing as a BS designation.

That's right. I should have thought of that. Especially considering I pointed out something similar to someone else just yesterday. Maybe I've got the mad cow disease.

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03 Nov 09 - 03:52 AM (#2758475)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Anne Lister

We had some excellent instructions with our wedding cake, one of which suggested we cut it with a knife. Not sure what the alternatives would have been - possibly issuing three guests with one tier each to eat like a burger?

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03 Nov 09 - 12:41 PM (#2758747)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST

I like the one on various cash/card machines "Enter PIN, if correct press ENTER" as all you get is a row of asterisks it's impossible to tell if it's correct.

Mike

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03 Nov 09 - 01:28 PM (#2758788)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: gnu

Edited.......

Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST,Dave the cookieless (at the mo) Gnome - PM
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 06:29 PM

Best one is the old instructions on a famous deodorant (sp?) - Remove lid and push up bottom....;-)

*****************************************************************

I tried a new deodorant today. The instructions said, "Remove cap and push up bottom." I can barely walk, but when I fart, it smells great.

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03 Nov 09 - 11:09 PM (#2759119)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: JohnInKansas

Akin to Joe F's Eastman instructions, an external IOMEGA ZIP drive came with the instruction:

"Consult the Installation and Operating Manual on the ZIP disk enclosed with the drive before beginning installation."

It turns out that if you connected the drive before installing the driver, the then-current Windows installed a default driver that totally f***d your new drive; but the only place to get the driver was also from the ZIP disk.

(This was before most of us had an internet from which we could download helpful stuff.)

- - - - -

Having recently moved, I've received a few "confirmation of change of address" letters.

About half of them have been sent to the NEW address, so that - quite obviously - someone who submitted a fraudulent change for me would receive the confirmation letter, and be able to "confirm" the fraud.

Half of those who sent the confirmation letter to the new address informed me that "if this change is correct no action is required." I suppose it's foolish to assume that if the new address wasn't correct (in which cae I would never receive the letter) I probably would take no action(?).

John

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04 Nov 09 - 07:40 AM (#2759291)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Michael

What I don't understand, gnu, is why you are required to take your hat off first, do they assume you're in church?

Mike

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04 Nov 09 - 01:23 PM (#2759529)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Bill D

I can even WRITE instructions like those:

"If these instructions are not in your native language, write to us and we will translate them."

"Ignore all parts of these instructions which are not relevant."

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04 Nov 09 - 06:23 PM (#2759744)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: gnu

Michael...nobody farts in church. Well, maybe up front.

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05 Nov 09 - 02:04 PM (#2760273)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Slag

You could bet dollars to do-nuts that lawyers and law suits are behind most of these warning lables. As for daft instructions, I've seen some real doozies which are translations from Chinese to English (undoubtedly from a Chinese prison or perhaps from a farmer promoted to the position due to the "Cultural Revolution").

Rube Goldberg lives!

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05 Nov 09 - 02:53 PM (#2760302)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Dave MacKenzie

ICL used to issue packs of punched cards to update the George 3 Operating system. There was always a header card saying

DO NOT FEED THIS CARD

We didn't, though I sometimes felt guilty when the tea trolley came round!

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06 Nov 09 - 06:33 AM (#2760681)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST

gnu, sorry to contradict but:- Acts 2 "And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting."

Cheers
Mike

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06 Nov 09 - 07:29 AM (#2760721)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Mr Happy

Slag mentioned the Chinese-English debacle.

Years back, I bought a tree cutting saw.

The wrapper said 'MADE IN CHIAN'!!

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06 Nov 09 - 07:37 AM (#2760736)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Mr Happy

Also, a lot've products, especially electrical items are marked with CE & for some time, I thought whimsicaly that it might refer to the place of origin, i.e. 'Chinese Empire'!

However, the explanation's here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CE_mark

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06 Nov 09 - 07:42 AM (#2760738)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Mr Happy

.........hmmm, but perusing that article further reveals this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:CinaExportLogo.png


'Some products are said to have a CE mark that stands for China Export, which is not conforming to European specifications. The two letters are close together, not spaced as in the European conformance mark. [3]



However, the "China Export" mark doesn't exist. Some products may be conforming but not displaying the logotype correctly and others may illegally put the correct mark on a non-conforming item.[4]'

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06 Nov 09 - 08:07 AM (#2760760)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Tug the Cox

In ther middle of a grass area stood a signpost which bore this legend

'Don't throw stones at this sign'

See
http://m.clipmarks.com/clipmark/108B4338-B4CD-48A5-AAE3-A06F08B159E8/

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06 Nov 09 - 05:24 PM (#2761142)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Tangledwood

That reminded me - at Warwick folk festival a couple of years ago I noticed a wooden seat on the cricket ground with a hand written sign on the back. As I was going roughly in that direction I made the slight detour to read it - "Keep off the grass".

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07 Nov 09 - 04:56 AM (#2761381)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: SPB-Cooperator

Instructions on a door at Ealing Broadway Station

Push to operate


Pull to operate


There is/was a sign at the car park at Morrisons in Acton, referring to it as a Development.

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07 Nov 09 - 04:30 PM (#2761713)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Joybell

In 1996 we were in a Greyhound bus heading across Texas. In the South-West the messages, given by the driver, were in Spanish as well as English -- usually. Our driver was an exception.
As the sky went black and the wind sprang up he gave us this warning:
"We've got a tornado warning. When I tell you -- get under the seats and stay away from the windows. If you didn't understand that -- ask another passenger to translate it for you."
Que?

Cheers, Joy

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07 Nov 09 - 04:53 PM (#2761730)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Rasener

Don't know if this one has cropped up, too many posts to go back on.

I was waiting patiently at the crossroad today. Traffic lights red.
The sign for the people waiting to cross said.

Only CROSS with green figure (it used to be Green Man (probably a bit sexist))

So I looked for this green figure, but couldn't see it. Must have been on strike.

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25 Jan 10 - 08:38 AM (#2820943)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Mr Happy

..........seen on the entrance to electricity substation

'THIS DOOR IS ALARMED!' - all of a tremble??

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25 Jan 10 - 10:19 AM (#2821012)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Dave MacKenzie

I've just been browsing Jones (of Flint) Holidays' brochure, and there are some amazing bargains for accommodation. For instance, at the Lion Hotel, Criccieth, "All bedrooms have full facilities, TV, tea making facilities, lift, two bars, lounge, dance floor, entertainment"!

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25 Jan 10 - 10:48 AM (#2821050)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Mr Happy

Dave,

Don't go there!!

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25 Jan 10 - 10:56 AM (#2821059)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Dave Hanson

On a place I used to deliver mail a few years ago was thgat sign, ' THIS DOOR IS ALARMED ' some graffiti artist added, ' and the windows are quite nervous '

Dave H

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25 Jan 10 - 06:01 PM (#2821418)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Don Firth

Back in the late 1950s, almost all of the classrooms in the University of Washington School of Music building had a record player in them for obvious reasons. The instructions for use were pasted under the lid. The first instruction was, "Lift lid."

A photographer friend of mine liked to take photos of various odds and ends, then sequence them so they told a story of sorts. One was of a series of street signs, which he sequenced as follows:

One Way
No Left Turn
No Right Turn
No U-Turn
Dead End

He got another good one. Normally the sign read:

DANGER ZONE
IMPOUND PARKED CARS

Some wiseguy had scratched out some of the letters, so it now read:

   ANGER ZONE
I POUND PARKED CARS

Don Firth

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26 Jan 10 - 09:30 AM (#2821633)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Dave Hanson

And ' NO SMOKING DOGS NOT ALLOWED.'

Dave H

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26 Jan 10 - 09:40 AM (#2821642)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Mr Happy

......a double negative?!?

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26 Jan 10 - 01:18 PM (#2821815)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GRex

Seen on a vending madhine in a pub toilet:
            

          This machine will not vend when empty

               GRex

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26 Jan 10 - 02:20 PM (#2821865)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST,Coyote, still breathing

I just received my Missouri Tax booklet for 2009. When figuring the amount of tax you are to pay you are instructed to turn to page 26 of "this booklet". But there is no page 26!
The pages stop at 12 then there are forms galore, then the page numbering starts again at page 33. So I counted the actual pages, folio and verso and at 26 I found the tax rate chart!

It turns out that the formula for figuring ones taxes hasn't changed since 1930! So I guess fumbling around looking for the rate chart is a small price to pay for a truly antiquated system for figuring what I owe!? The table only goes to $9,000! After that amount one then applies 6% to the remainder over $9000, adds that to the amount of tax for the first $9,000 and that is what one owes.

I'm going to plead confusion.

CB

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26 Jan 10 - 02:38 PM (#2821879)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST,coyote breathy

Double negative reminds me of the following sign commonly found on Missouri's back roads:

"No passing zones unmarked"

In a similar vein I have yet to find a "Dead End" sign anywhere near the entrance to the road so noted, usually its about a half mile into the road.

and "Road not thru" is another common Missouri sign.

"Men in Trees" is an actual road sign, not just a funny sitcom.

CB

"Bear Left"

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26 Jan 10 - 05:38 PM (#2822058)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST,999

On a bag of salted peanuts:

WARNING: This product may have come in contact with peanuts.

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27 Jan 10 - 04:53 PM (#2822916)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: olddude

In 1982 I was installing a very complex piece of software on a mainframe. Following the instructions by the letter. I got to the bottom of the page and it read, you are now ready to enter the following command. I entered the command and turned the page. It continued ... but don't enter the command until you receive the following message otherwise "chaos will ensure"

and it did ...

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31 Jan 12 - 08:20 AM (#3299597)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Mr Happy

On a jar of pickled eggs, 'Allergy advice: Contains eggs'

Can't be clearer than that!

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31 Jan 12 - 08:42 AM (#3299608)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: MGM·Lion

The 'keep away from children' instruction came early on. But I once met a woman who said she had bought a bottle saying ~

"Keep away from children. Do not drink."

She considered the second injunction would be easier to obey if she could find some way of encompassing the first.

~M~

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31 Jan 12 - 12:11 PM (#3299722)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Jim Dixon

Some of those warnings and disclaimers are mandated by law, and so the manufacturers dare not deviate from the prescribed wording, even if it seems silly under the circumstances.

For example, the law says that if there is a picture on the package, and the picture includes some kind of food that isn't actually in the package, the picture must be labeled "SERVING SUGGESTION." For example, on a cereal box, if the picture shows cereal with milk, and there is no milk in the package. That seems silly—who would expect to find milk in a cereal box? Or who needs to be told to put milk on their cereal?

But suppose the picture showed cereal with raisins, and there weren't any raisins—you'd feel cheated, wouldn't you? That's the kind of situation the law was meant for.

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31 Jan 12 - 12:19 PM (#3299726)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST,olddude

In the early 80's I was installing an operating system on a big mainframe computer. Reading the instructions it said "You are now ready to key in the following command" so i did, then I turned the page of the instruction manual and it said "key in only when you see the following message or chaos will ensue" and boy it did had to do the whole thing over again , took all night long ...

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31 Jan 12 - 12:20 PM (#3299727)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Mr Happy

What about those ads for cars with girlys draped all over - a serving suggestion?

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31 Jan 12 - 02:14 PM (#3299778)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: gnu

Hehehee... good one Happy!

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31 Jan 12 - 02:58 PM (#3299805)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Newport Boy

Oldude - your memory is failing badly. Two years ago you could remember the exact year - now you can only manage the decade!

Phil

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31 Jan 12 - 03:03 PM (#3299810)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Michael

Well I'd serve any of 'em.

Mike

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31 Jan 12 - 09:33 PM (#3299989)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T

Extract from a wartime Royal Artillery gunnery manual.

Amendments:

Page 141 Para 4 sub Para b) For shit, read shot.

Don T.

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31 Jan 12 - 10:26 PM (#3300013)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST,olddude

Newport
LOL so true ... mind is going along with other parts of me

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01 Feb 12 - 04:15 AM (#3300109)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Mr Happy

Royal Artillery?

Is that the famous Royal Arse Hortillery?

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01 Feb 12 - 01:52 PM (#3300410)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: GUEST,999

"Following a particularly critical inspection of the trenches by General Shute, an officer of the division, Sub-Lieutenant A. P. Herbert, later to become a famous humorous writer, legal satirist and Member of Parliament, penned a popular poem that summed up the feelings of the men of the RND[3]:

The General inspecting the trenches
Exclaimed with a horrified shout
'I refuse to command a division
Which leaves its excreta about.'

But nobody took any notice
No one was prepared to refute,
That the presence of shit was congenial
Compared to the presence of Shute.

And certain responsible critics
Made haste to reply to his words
Observing that his staff advisors
Consisted entirely of turds.

For shit may be shot at odd corners
And paper supplied there to suit,
But a shit would be shot without mourners
If somebody shot that shit Shute."

From Wikipedia

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02 Feb 12 - 07:59 AM (#3300767)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler

We used to have fire extinguishers at school that had the instruction "Turn upside down and strike knob on floor".

I ask you, expect that not to cause laughter in a school?

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02 Feb 12 - 08:48 AM (#3300786)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: Bainbo

Just arrived today:

Hello, thanks for choosing our wireless router.

So you see what kind of a router it is? It's wireless.

With this guide we'll take you through setting it up. Don't let all the wires intimidate you ...

Well, it made me laugh. Mind, I haven't started setting it up yet. We'll see if I'm still laughing in an hour or so.

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05 Feb 12 - 08:40 PM (#3302811)
Subject: RE: Daft instructions
From: JohnInKansas

Headline seen at MSNBC a few minutes ago:

"Europe tries to shield homeless in deep freeze"

At first sight, that seemed a strange place to put people to take care of them, but it has been suggested that walk-in freezers may offer pretty good protection in earthquakes, and Indiana Jones survived a nuclear test blast in one of his movies by hiding in a refrigerator ... ... (?)

I'll have to think about it.

John

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