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06 Aug 01 - 03:16 PM (#522018) Subject: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: LR Mole No, it isn't. Too hot to be anything but silly. This from Ogden Nash:
And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today. (Anyone else know some good, tiny, amusing poems?) |
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06 Aug 01 - 03:27 PM (#522032) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST Ogden would surely have spelt 'parlor' with a 'u' No? |
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06 Aug 01 - 03:33 PM (#522036) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,Guest String Is a very important thing. Rope is thicker but string is quicker Spike Milligan |
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06 Aug 01 - 03:41 PM (#522046) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,Willa Early to bed and early to rise Is the way to feel stupid and have red eyes |
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06 Aug 01 - 03:44 PM (#522049) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Kim C Someone posted this on the Cat a long time ago - I'm sorry I don't remember who - and I have enjoyed it ever since:
An accident happened to my brother Jim Also here's one Mister says now and then; I think he said an old friend of his made it up, or claimed to:
A bear sleeps in a bearskin, I suppose |
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06 Aug 01 - 04:02 PM (#522062) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,Willa Early to bed and early to rise Is the way to feel stupid and have red eyes. Shirley Hughes Remarkable Truly is art See-elliptical wheels on a cart! It looks very fair In the picture, up there, But imagine the Ride when you start. Gelett Burgess Oh cuckoo! shall I call thee bird, Or but a wandering voice? State the alternative preferred, With reasons for your choice. F. H. Townsend The Wife's Epitaph To follow you I'm not content. How do I know which way you went? Anon Inscribed On a Pint Pot There are several reasons for drinking, And one has just entered my head; If a man cannot drink when he's living, How the Hell can he drink when he's dead? (Last one suitable for Micca's mug?)
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06 Aug 01 - 04:04 PM (#522063) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,Willa Oh dear! Penultimate line should be 'How the Hell can he drink when he's dead?'
fixed it |
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06 Aug 01 - 04:06 PM (#522065) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,Karen Supposedly the shortest poem: FLEAS Adam had 'em. |
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06 Aug 01 - 04:11 PM (#522069) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Jacob B Stopping By Woods While It's Snowing, Even Whose woods these are I know, I think His house is in the village though He will not see to raise a stink If I stop here to watch the snow My horse must think my mind is gone To stop without a farmhouse near In another hour it will be dawn He thinks we should get out of here He gives his harness bells a ring To ask if there is some mistake And in my face I feel the sting Of hard wind driving frozen flake And so I snap the reins on down For I have promises to keep I have to take this horse to town And trade the nag in for a Jeep. |
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06 Aug 01 - 04:22 PM (#522077) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: katlaughing My dad, who is 84, recently told me this one. He'd seen it, as a boy of about 7 or 8, on the last covered wagon to pass through the town he grew up in, in Colorado:
"California - Starvation |
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06 Aug 01 - 04:23 PM (#522081) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Noreen A baby sardine saw his first submarine, He cried as he watched through a peephole. "Oh come, come, come!" Said the sardine's mum, "It's only a tin full of people." Spike Milligna, |
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06 Aug 01 - 04:45 PM (#522096) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Peter T. My favourite, a perfect Nash poem: Shake and shake the ketchup bottle, None'll come, and then a lot'l. |
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06 Aug 01 - 04:47 PM (#522099) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Liz the Squeak Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker... Good old Ogden. Poem for everything. LTS |
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06 Aug 01 - 04:55 PM (#522104) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Uncle_DaveO I remember these from my misspent youth:
The gum-chewing girl and the cud-chewing cow OR Moses supposes his toeses are roses OR The breezes, the breezes, Dave Oesterreich
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06 Aug 01 - 04:59 PM (#522108) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Uncle_DaveO Guest, why would he spell it like that? As far as I can tell, he was pretty well-educated. Dave Oesterreich |
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06 Aug 01 - 05:12 PM (#522120) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Bill D I wish I loved the human race. I wish I loved it's silly face. I wish I loved the way it walks, I wish I loved the way it talks- And when I'm introduced to one, I wish I thought, "What jolly fun".
A man fell into a septic tank;
A Glossina morsitans bit rich Aunt Betsy..
...Infant Innocence
Short poem and sea story |
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06 Aug 01 - 05:20 PM (#522132) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Liz the Squeak Der spring is sprung, der grass is riz, I wonder where dem boydies is? The little boyds is on der wing, But dat's absoyd, der wings Is on der boyd. (OK, so I can't do Location Specific American Accents.... just pretend you're from Queens....) LTS |
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06 Aug 01 - 05:33 PM (#522144) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Bill D (traditionally spelled with 'oi', Liz...*grin*...'boid', etc..)...but nice... |
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06 Aug 01 - 05:56 PM (#522172) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Liz the Squeak And I thought he was fixing the line return thing so we wouldn't need < B R > any longer.... LTS |
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06 Aug 01 - 06:14 PM (#522183) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: brid widder this one is all my own work.... when it came to features I didn't have a lot of luck I was right at the back of the queue I think and what I got given I took when I was younger it bothered me but now I don't give a fuck I once was an ugly duckling well now I'm am ugly duck |
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06 Aug 01 - 06:33 PM (#522195) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Matthew Edwards I wish that this room had a floor, I don't care so much for a door, But walking around Without touching the ground, Is getting to be such a bore. As I was going down the stair, I met a man who wasn't there, He wasn't there again today; I wish, I wish, he'd go away. Fell in the fire, and burned to ashes. Now, although the room grows chilly, I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy. I never saw a purple cow, And hope I never see one. But I can tell you anyhow, I'd rather see than be one. Several examples dredged up from my subconscious. Heaven knows where they came from! |
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06 Aug 01 - 06:42 PM (#522200) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Bill D (first line of above.."Little Willie in the best of sashes")
"Ah, yes, I wrote "The Purple Cow" Gelette (sp?) Burgess
"Edgar A. Guest
"I sneezed a sneeze into the air;
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06 Aug 01 - 06:48 PM (#522208) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Brían I have heard that verse about "my brother Tim" sung to VILLIKENS HIS DINAH. Brían. |
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06 Aug 01 - 06:58 PM (#522221) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Shields Folk I wish I was a caterpillar, life would be a farce. sliding down the plants and trees and sliding on my.... ...hands and knees. |
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06 Aug 01 - 07:30 PM (#522237) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Shields Folk Arf, Arf he goes, a merry sight, Our little hairy friend, Arf,Arf, upon the lampost bright Arfing round the bend. Nice dog! Goo boy, waggie tail and beg, Clever Nigel jump for joy because we're putting you to sleep at three of the clock Nigel. John Lennon |
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06 Aug 01 - 07:52 PM (#522248) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Amos Hurray, hurray! The first of May! Outdoor sex Begins today! |
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06 Aug 01 - 09:53 PM (#522307) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: RangerSteve When dear Aunt May fell off the boat, And couldn't swim and wouldn't float, Matilda just stood there and smiled. I really could have slapped that child. I had a dream. It was my own dream. I dreamt it. I dreamed my hair was kempt, and my own true love unkempt it. In the family wishing well, Willie pushed his sister Nell. She's there yet because it kilt her, Now we'll have to buy a filter. Willie, with a thirst for gore, Nailed the baby to the door. Mother said with humor quaint, "Careful, Bill. Don't mar the paint." The one about the dream is by Ogden Nash. The others I'm not sure about.
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06 Aug 01 - 10:45 PM (#522327) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: katlaughing From the 1918 flu epidemic:
"... I had a little bird |
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06 Aug 01 - 10:51 PM (#522329) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: catspaw49 Cleaned that one up some, huh Amos?
Gene, Gene, From me you were expecting it weren't you....What else............. Spaw |
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07 Aug 01 - 09:33 AM (#522519) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Grab I believe this was a Jody Call...
Uncle Bert and Auntie Mabel, Graham. |
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07 Aug 01 - 10:25 AM (#522544) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: sian, west wales Losing one glove is certainly painful But nothing compared to the pain Of losing one Throwing away the other And finding the first one again. By a Danish poet in ... the 60s? I think his name was Piet Hein... sian |
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07 Aug 01 - 10:36 AM (#522552) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Trapper A couple more from Ogden Nash...
I pity thee, O Octopus, - Al |
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07 Aug 01 - 11:18 AM (#522578) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: mooman A couple of extra short ones from memory, forgotten the authors although the first is by a well-known Glaswegian poet and the second won a prize in a schoolchildrens' poetry contest.
Nae hat an' the rain pouring doon
The grocery mooman |
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07 Aug 01 - 11:24 AM (#522584) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST My sister Lauras bigger than me And picks me up quite easily I cant lift her I've tried and tried She must have something heavy inside Spike Milligan |
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07 Aug 01 - 11:38 AM (#522592) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: LR Mole As to "parlour floor":my Readers' Encyclopedia says Ogden Nash was born in America, so I don't imagine he would have added that old-world "u" to parlor (or as we pronounce it around here,pahlla.) Piet Hein wrote a number of poems, called "Grooks". A fad at one time. And of a poet mentioned already, this from Dorothy Parker: I'd rather flunk my Wasserman test Than read a poem by Edgar A. Guest. |
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07 Aug 01 - 11:42 AM (#522596) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Bill D The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks, Which practically conceals it's sex. I think it clever of the turtle, In such a fix, to be so fertile. Odgen, of course |
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07 Aug 01 - 12:01 PM (#522612) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Barbara "Little Willies" were common in the US back in the 20's and 30's maybe? I learned several from my parents and grandparents. Little Willie, dressed in sashes Fell in the fire and burnt to ashes After while the room grew chilly Because no one wanted to stir up Willie
Willie playing by the track
There's another varianton the train track theme whose last two lines are:
My mother's favorite: Little Willie's dead and gone And for silliness, I always liked this Robert Frost poem:
I stepped on the toe
Blessings, |
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07 Aug 01 - 01:31 PM (#522688) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Metchosin Last night I saw upon the stair A little man who wasn't there He wasn't there again today Oh how I wish he'd go away.
and
How I loves them little mousies |
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07 Aug 01 - 02:00 PM (#522715) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Kim C Spaw! I haven't heard that one in eons!!!!! :-D |
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07 Aug 01 - 04:22 PM (#522858) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Noreen Reading these keeps bringing back childhood poems such as Little pig |
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07 Aug 01 - 04:40 PM (#522871) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Noreen Piggy on the railway Picking up stones, Along came an engine And broke piggy's bones. "Oh," said Piggy, "That's not fair!" "Ha!" said the engine driver, "I don't care!" |
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07 Aug 01 - 04:46 PM (#522878) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Bernard Today I saw a little worm A-wriggling on his belly Perhaps he'd like to come inside And see what's on the telly?! |
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07 Aug 01 - 05:02 PM (#522901) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Peter K (Fionn) LR, I remember Piet Hein's grooks with awe. They used to appear regularly in Punch sometime in the mid-60s. For instance: Just beyond perception's reach I vaguely seem to see That life is two locked boxes, each Wrapped round the other's key. And yet another from Spike, penned years before greenhouse gases had got on to the agenda: I saw a woman in Kensington Gore Take her Rolls-Royce to the grocer's store. All she bought was a dozen eggs. When I go shopping, I travel on legs. This one was accompanied by two sketches labelled WRONG and RIGHT. The first was a cardboard cut-out Roller of the conventionally wheeled variety, the second was another cut-out Roller, but this time fitted with four rotating lags, front and aft. Can't resist squeezing in just one more from Spike: As they placed the crown upon his head Prince Charles turned round and said "I suppose this means that mummy's dead?" |
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07 Aug 01 - 10:17 PM (#523120) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST ...And Then the Prince Knelt Down and Tried to Put the Glass Slipper on Cinderella's Foot
I really didn't notice that he had a funny nose. By Judith Viorst |
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07 Aug 01 - 11:13 PM (#523160) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Uncle_DaveO When I was a kidlet, in the late 30s, my aunt Lucille was fond of reciting this one, from HER childhood: Little Isaac Eisenheimer She would still sometimes recite this at family gatherings, up until her death in her 80s. Dave Oesterreich |
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07 Aug 01 - 11:26 PM (#523171) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia I think I've put this one up before, but I like it. I once had a little dog named Ben, Had nine arseholes, nearly ten, Wouldn't eat bread - wouldn't eat crust, But ate apple pie till he fuckin'near bust JG / FME
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07 Aug 01 - 11:42 PM (#523194) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Lyrical Lady Another by Ogden Nash ... "To keep your marriage brimming With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it, Whenever you're right, shut up" Maybe it'll work ... who knows! LL |
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08 Aug 01 - 12:28 PM (#523560) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Steve Parkes As I was letting down my hair I met a man who didn't care. He didn't care again today-- I love 'em when they get that way! Sure, deck your lower limbs in pants, Yours are the legs, my sweeting; You look divine as you advance ... But have you seen yourself retreating? (Ogden Nash again) In the well that Father built her Auntie fell; we must buy a filter. (Hilaire Belloc?) Lord [forgotten!] tried to fix the elctric light; It struck him dead, and serve him right! It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan. (Ditto--please offer corrections if poss.) Steve |
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08 Aug 01 - 01:22 PM (#523622) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Trapper Tarzan Tarzan through the air Tarzan rip his underwear Tarzan say, "Me no care Jane fix my underwear." Jane Jane through the air Jane rip her underwear Jane say, "Me no care Boy fix my underwear." Boy Boy through the air Boy rip his underwear Boy say, "Me no care Cheetah fix my underwear." Cheetah Cheetah through the air Cheetah rip his underwear Cheetah say, "Me no care Me no WEAR no underwear!" - Al |
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08 Aug 01 - 01:37 PM (#523640) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Kim C This was composed by my comrade Tammy, a member of my knitting guild:
A naughty knitter named Nelly *that's a big ol knittin needle, for those who don't knit |
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08 Aug 01 - 01:41 PM (#523645) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: The Walrus at work Alas for poor Johnny, For Johnny is no more, For what he thought was H20 Was H2SO4 But quickly up stepped Johhny's Dad, A Chemist, bright, was he, He swiftly dosed his young son up With CaCO3 I regret that I can't remember the last verse in which Jonny explodes (from generatd gas). Regards Walrus |
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08 Aug 01 - 01:53 PM (#523658) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: jeffp A green little chemist On a green little day Mixed some green little chemicals In a green little way. The green little grasses Now tenderly wave O'er the green little chemist's Green little grave. jeffp |
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08 Aug 01 - 03:58 PM (#523754) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,frances shortest story in the world two hunters, one lion one hunter, one lion one lion |
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09 Aug 01 - 09:34 AM (#524236) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: paddymac Here's one I wrote after a few pints. A MODEST REVENGE ON KILMER If I should ever lucky be, I'd be a strapping, sapling tree, Where men and boys would stop to pee, And proudly say it's good for me. |
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09 Aug 01 - 04:50 PM (#524621) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Bat Goddess Into love and out again Thus I am and thus I go Hold your tongue and stay your pen Well and bitterly I know All the songs were ev er sung All the words were ever said Could it be when I was young Someone dropped me on my head? (Dorothy Parker) Shipbored That line is the horizon lind. The blue above it is divine. The blue below it is marine. Sometimes the blue below is green. Sometimes the blue below is white Foreshadowing a windy night. Sometimes the blue above is grey Foreshadowing a cloudy day. Sometimes a drifting coconut Or albatross add color but The blue above is mostly blue. The blue below and I are too. (John Updike) I shot an arrow into the air I don't know how it fell or where But strangely enough at my journey's end I found it again in the neck of a friend. (Mad Magazine?) In seventeen hundred and seventy six A group of American mavericks Denounced the yoke of tyranny, The tax on stamps, the tax on tea. Our fathers felt that they were fit To tax themselves, and you'll admit They have done very well at it. (some magazine read when I was about 11, c. 1960) Bat Goddess |
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09 Aug 01 - 08:42 PM (#524788) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: RangerSteve THE CLAM: Esteemed by gourmets highly, it lives the life of Riley. While you're relaxing on the piazza, that's what you're as happy as a. O Nash, again. |
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10 Aug 01 - 07:30 AM (#524974) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Firecat Noreen, I recognised that one about the little pig, but I know it as Little dog I got it out of a book called Vile Victorians, by Terry Deary and illustrated by Martin Brown. It's part of the Horrible Histories series! |
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11 Aug 01 - 02:08 AM (#525529) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Crazy Eddie Little Spider the wall, You know you shouldn't be there at all. Can't you see the wall's been plastered? Get off the wall you dirty spider! THE FLY His maw is dead, His paw is dead, SPLAT! Now he's dead.
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11 Aug 01 - 06:13 AM (#525571) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: lady penelope Title : - Meditations of a Tortoise Dozing under a Rosetree at Noon while a Dog scampers about and a Cuckoo calls from a distant Wood.
So far as I can see Soliloquy of a Tortoise on Revisiting the Lettuce Beds after an interval of one Hour while supposed to be sleeping in a clump of blue Hollyhocks.
One cannot have enough Night Thought of a Tortoise Suffering from Imsomnia on a Lawn.
The world is very flat By Dr E.V. Rieu.
My Mother had a flit gun Pam Ayres (To be read in a scottish accent )
I shot an arrow in the air
On yonder hill there stood a coo The Mad Maggonegal
TTFN M'Lady P. |
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11 Aug 01 - 11:45 AM (#525657) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: 2feathers Fuzzy wuzzy wuz a bear Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair Fuzy wuzzy wuzn't fuzzy Wuz he? Him has went Him has gone Him has left I all alone. Must I always go to he? Can't him never come to me? It can never was. My mom used to recite: Whose Izzy is he Is he yours or is he mine? I'm gettin' dizzy Watchin; Izzy all the time. |
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11 Aug 01 - 03:00 PM (#525742) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Noreen Hi Firecat! Sausages made out of dog meat?! :0) Good books, those Horrible Histories, aren't they? My son bought them all as they came out, and I've used them in school too. Noreen |
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11 Aug 01 - 04:52 PM (#525800) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Firecat You and your son have got taste Noreen, I'll say that! Which is your favoutir? Mine's Terrible Tudors or Angry Aztecs. |
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12 Aug 01 - 01:18 AM (#526010) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Crazy Eddie Algy met the bear, And the bear met Algy. The bear was bulgy, The bulge was Algy. |
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12 Aug 01 - 01:59 AM (#526014) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,genie Ogden was a Yank, as I recall, so why would he write "parlour"? |
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12 Aug 01 - 08:52 PM (#526397) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Bill D THE PLOVER AND THE CLOVER The Plover and the Clover can be told apart with ease, By paying close attention to the habits of the Bees, For En-to-molo-gists aver, the Bee can be in Clover, While Ety-molo-gists concur, there is no B in Plover. -- Robert Williams Wood
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13 Aug 01 - 03:25 AM (#526525) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Steve Parkes Also atrrib. to McGonagle (but probably by Anon): The cow is a forlorn beast, There's nothing more forlorner, Standing in a field With a leg at every corner. Steve |
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13 Aug 01 - 11:33 AM (#526725) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST refresh |
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13 Aug 01 - 03:56 PM (#526959) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: lady penelope The Tay the Tay best river on earth Goes past the ship yards every day And up and doon te Perth ( It's always got a bed for the night And it ai in touch wi the banks ) M. MacGonegal TTFN M'Lady P. |
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13 Aug 01 - 04:09 PM (#526971) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Bernard The elephant is a pretty bird She flits from bough to bough She makes her nest in the Rhubarb Tree And whistles like a cow... |
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13 Aug 01 - 08:03 PM (#527208) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Noreen First Aid in English, Bernard?! |
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28 Aug 01 - 05:17 AM (#536614) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: CarolC The Mennonite cars Dance a slow ballet From the church To the distant countryside.
The dance snakes slowly |
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28 Aug 01 - 10:50 AM (#536749) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,Challis The Goldfish poem Does anyone know that please? Supposed to be very very short (and pithy or some such) Cheers and thanks, Hille |
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28 Aug 01 - 02:37 PM (#536855) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Deda As I was sitting in a chair I knew the bottom wasn't there, Nor legs, nor back -- but I just sat Ignoring little things like that. (Don't know source.) One of Dorothy Parker's most famous: Men never make passes at girls who wear glasses. Another source unknown: A wonderful bird is the pelican His beak can hold more than his belly can. He can hold in his beak Enough food for a week! I wonder how in the hell 'e can.
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28 Aug 01 - 06:43 PM (#537043) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Uncle_DaveO Deda said:
"One of Dorothy Parker's most famous:
"Men never make passes
"at girls who wear glasses." But to which I think it was Ogden Nash added: "And girls who are be-spectacled Dave Oesterreich
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28 Aug 01 - 11:10 PM (#537191) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Paul from Hull This has reminded me of one I knew when I was a kid, though I feel sure there is more of it than this.......Anyone know? I saw Esau, sitting on a See-Saw, I saw Esau, & 'e saw me... |
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29 Aug 01 - 01:13 PM (#537565) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Mudlark This is one my mom used to recite as she walked along Left, left, left my wife and 14 childeren, old grey man in a peanut stand, I think I did, left, left.... Right, right, right from the (something), hayfoot, slewfoot, right, right.... |
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29 Aug 01 - 01:41 PM (#537583) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: JudeL One from my childhood: Ucky Wucky was a worm, Ucky Wucky liked to sqwirm got onto a railway line didn't see the train in time Ucky Wucky Jude |
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29 Aug 01 - 02:55 PM (#537622) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Uncle_DaveO Mudlark, here's a related "marching" poem I learned in my youth: LEFT, Dave Oesterreich |
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29 Aug 01 - 03:09 PM (#537633) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Metchosin Paul I remember a song when I was small something like: I saw Esau Sitting on a see-saw I saw Esau with my gal I saw Esau Sitting on a see-saw I saw Esau with my gal. When I saw Esau He saw me And I got so sore That I got a saw Oh I got a saw And I sawed Esau Off that old see-saw or something like that.... |
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29 Aug 01 - 03:17 PM (#537639) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Deda Another version, one my Granny used: Left, left, left my wife and Fourteen children The reason I left, I couldn't go right, right, Right from the country O-pie-jingles, left (back to first line) (Amos may remember this more clearly than I do?) It was supposed to work that you stepped on your left foot on left and right, right. I probably REALLY didn't need to explain that, duh....
And then there's this one: |
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29 Aug 01 - 03:53 PM (#537661) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Metchosin I think mice are rather nice Their tails are long Their faces are small They haven't any chins at all Their ears are pink Their teeth are white They run about the house at night They nibble things They shouldn't touch And no one seems to like them much But I think mice Are nice.
or
Spring is sprung |
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29 Aug 01 - 05:13 PM (#537714) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Uncle_DaveO Toity poiple boyds Sittin' on d' coib Eatin' doity woims A-Choipin' and a-boipin' Dave Oesterreich |
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29 Aug 01 - 05:14 PM (#537715) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Paul from Hull Thanks, Metchosin ...all I knew of that 'Marching' one was Left, Left, I had a good job & I Left... |
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30 Aug 01 - 02:11 PM (#538267) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: DMcG A poem that I learnt in one English lesson nearly 40 years ago and stuck immediately Eletelophony
Once there was an Elephant that tried to use the telephant |
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30 Aug 01 - 06:39 PM (#538485) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Chicken Charlie My all-time fave serious short poem is a haiku by Basho:
An old pond; (Furuike ya; kawazu tobikomu. Mizu no ono.) Or for the comedically inclined:
Roses are red; violets are blue. And yet another limerick not posted to the last limerick thread--for the landsmen among us a spanker is a kind of sail and the main sheet is part of a sailing ship's rigging:
There were two old ladies named Banker CC |
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30 Aug 01 - 07:23 PM (#538522) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: chizzer One from my wife's grandma: Once upon a time when birds shit lime and monkeys chewed tobacca, the little pigs run with their fingers up their bum to see what was the matter |
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31 Aug 01 - 03:34 AM (#538771) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,Boab Here lies Boghead, Amang the deid, In hopes tae ha'e salvation-- ---But if sich as he in Heav'n may be, Then welcome, hail Damnation! In seventeen hunner and twenty nine The De'il gat stuff tae mak a swine ---and coost it in a corner; Then wilily he changed his plan, An' shaped it something like a man ---an' ca'ed it Andrew Turner. Baith frae Rab Burns--- |
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31 Aug 01 - 04:09 AM (#538776) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST There was a young man from Japan Whose meter just never would scan When told this was so He said yes I know But I always try to fit as many words in the last line as I possibly can Little Willie, Pair of skates Hole in ice, Golden gates Willie fell down the elevator, Wasn't found till 3 days later Then the neighbors sniffed Gee Whiz! What a spoilt child Willie is! God in his wisdom made the fly, and then forgot to tell us why If Noah had been truly wise, he would have swatted those two flies I had written to Aunt Maud, who was on a trip abroad When I heard she'd died of cramp, just to late to save the stamp I know more, but they're all a bit longer. |
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01 Sep 01 - 03:49 AM (#539511) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: cyder_drinker 3 Bird poems that come to mind... The common Cormorant, or Shag, Makes its nest in a paper bag. The reason for this is, no doubt, To keep the rain and lightning out. But what these unobservant birds Have failed to notice are the herds Of wandering elephants, with buns- Who steal the bags to hold the crumbs. The sausage is a cunning bird Its feathers long and wavy It flies around the frying-pan And makes its nest in gravy. The cuckoo's a strange bird It sits in the grass It's wings neatly folded It's beak up it's ass In this strange position It whistles Twit Twit Cos it's hard to say cuckoo With a beak full of shit
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02 Sep 01 - 12:08 AM (#540009) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Barbara She knew that he knew that her father was dead; She knew that he knew what a life he had led. She knew that he knew what she meant when she said, "Go ask father."
Blessings, |
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02 Sep 01 - 01:17 AM (#540039) Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Metchosin There is a strange bird called the pelican His beak can hold more than his belly can He can store in his beak What will last him a week But I do not know how in the hell he can |
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07 Nov 05 - 05:50 PM (#1599533) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,Ryan Overbeck Jonny was a chemist son but Jonny is no more for what he thought was H2o was H2SO$ H2SO4 suferic acid |
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07 Nov 05 - 06:14 PM (#1599552) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: billybob I must go down to the sea again to the lonely sea and the sky I left my vest and socks there I wonder if they are dry? Spike Milligan again |
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07 Nov 05 - 08:34 PM (#1599645) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: JohnInKansas 2feathers 11 Aug 01 - 11:45 AM Whose Izzy is he Is he yours or is he mine? I'm gettin' dizzy Watchin; Izzy all the time. This is a song lyric: "Who's Izzy Is He." It took the whole gang of us over a year to find it in response to a request. A search for "Izzy" in threads should find comment. I don't know if the lyric we sent in has been added in the DT, but it may be there. ***** JudeL 29 Aug 01 - 01:41 PM Ucky Wucky was a worm,… The local version, and I believe in some of the "Girl Scout Songbooks" was: Oo-ey Goo-ey was a worm And a mighty worm was he He climbed up the railroad track The train he didn't see – Ooooooo-eeeeey Goooo – eeeeey (Last line with inflection only attainable by a gaggle of 13-year-old scoutlings.) ***** For those unredeemably addicted to self-abuse of the kind thus far advanced by posts to this thread, and most particularly those whose tastes and personal inclinations incline toward "less than wholesome entertainment," I can recommend: The Limerick edited by G. Legman, ©1964, 1969 by G. Legman, Published by Portland House, a Division of Random House Value Publishing, Inc., ISBN 0-517-20542-4. Publisher's comment: "1700 examples, with notes, variants, and index." The dust jacket notes: "This is the largest collection of limericks ever published, erotic or otherwise. Of the 1700 printed here, none is otherwise." Original List Price $35.00, but my copy has a Barnes "Remainder Table" sticker showing $7.99 – date of purchase unknown. John |
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08 Nov 05 - 05:51 AM (#1599882) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: mandotim How about... When hunting the Rhinoceros Use bullets made of platinum 'Cos if you use the leaden ones Its hide will surely flatinum. Tim from Bit on the Side |
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08 Nov 05 - 05:56 AM (#1599888) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST There was a man from Huddersfield Who had a cow that wouldn´t yield The reason why it wouldn´t yield It didn´t like its udders feeled. Courtesy of John Foreman. |
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08 Nov 05 - 07:35 AM (#1599917) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,Dáithí Ó Geanainn Here's another from Pam Ayres: I am a lickle bunny rabbit Sitting in my 'utch, I prefer to sit at this end, I don't care for that end....much. ..and again from Milligan: Romeo said to Juliet I'll draw a sketch of thee. Now which pencil shall I use, 2B or not 2B ? I thenk you.... |
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08 Nov 05 - 07:56 AM (#1599930) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: GUEST,smethwick boy Maverick Powells had rumbling bowels that thundered through the night they shook the bedrooms all around and gave the folks a fright Milligan |
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08 Nov 05 - 08:18 AM (#1599947) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Leadfingers My favourite Ogden Nash NOT already included is :- I Think that I will never see A Billboard , lovely as a tree In fact , unless the Billboards fall I'll never see a tree at all. And having just driven about fifteen hundred miles up and down the US East coast , I know just what he meant ! |
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08 Nov 05 - 08:19 AM (#1599948) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Leadfingers And 100 !! |
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08 Nov 05 - 09:55 PM (#1600399) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Bard Judith i opened my eyes and looked up at the rain and it dripped in my head and flowed into my brain so pardon this wild crazy thing i've just said i'm just not the same since there's rain in my head i step very softly i walk very slow i can't do a handstand or i might overflow and all i can hear as i lie in my bed is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head Shel Silverstein |
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09 Nov 05 - 01:38 PM (#1600795) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: kytrad (Jean Ritchie) I know how ugly I are, I know that my face ain't no star- But gee, I don't mind it Because I'm behind it; The one that's in front gets the jarr! (Melody: Blest Be the Tie That Binds) |
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09 Nov 05 - 02:52 PM (#1600844) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: JohnInKansas Mary had a little car She drove it very brisk But Mary didn't care because She only had her * Anon, I think, but who knows? John |
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21 Apr 09 - 01:52 PM (#2615665) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: Nigel Parsons Mary had a little dress, The skirt was split in half. Ans every step that Mary took, The boys could see her calf. Mary had another dress, Split right up the front. But she didn't wear that one! |
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21 Apr 09 - 01:58 PM (#2615673) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: High Hopes (inactive) Two REALLY, REALLY important poems from Spike Milligan Return to Sorrento: 3rd Class I'm going down to the lonely sea, To the lonely sea and sky. I'm going down to the lonely sea, To see if my socks are dry. There Was The was a young boy named Sean who sat on the edge of the lawn His knees went crack and he fell on his back And He regreted the day he was born. |
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21 Apr 09 - 02:16 PM (#2615696) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST,songster bob "The breezes, the breezes, They blow through the treeses. They blow the girls' skirtses Above the girls' kneeses. The college man seeses And does what he pleases And spreads the diseases Oh Jeezes! Oh Jeezes!" I know that Woody Guthrie knew that poem, because his song, "Old Chicargo" features a verse about the "breeze that tickles the knees of the little chickadees." It's interesting to see the sources of some of the songs we know and love. Another example is "Union Maid," which does not start like the clean version of "Red Wing," but instead parallels the bawdy parody. It's obcvious which one Woody had in mind when writing that one. Bob |
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21 Apr 09 - 02:17 PM (#2615698) Subject: RE: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM From: ClaireBear Oh, so many contributions I have failed to make! First, up by the Edgar A. Guest submission, I should have added my suband's favorite: I'd rather flunk my Wasserman test Than listen to a poem by Edgar A. Guest. Here's an old favorite from my childhood: I shot an arrow in the air. It fell to earth I know not where. I lose more damned arrows that way! And another, from G.K. Chesterton: TRIOLET I wish I were a jelly fish That cannot fall downstairs; Of all the things I wish to wish I wish I were a jellyfish That hasn't any cares And doesn't even have to wish 'I wish I were a jellyfish That cannot fall downstairs.' |
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21 Apr 09 - 02:18 PM (#2615703) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: ClaireBear for suband, read husband, although actually I rather like suband... |
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21 Apr 09 - 02:22 PM (#2615707) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: ClaireBear And this one's especially good for recitations: The Leith Police dismisseth us, — I'm thankful, sir, to say; The Leith Police dismisseth us, They thought we sought to stay. The Leith police dismisseth us, We both sighed sighs apiece, And the sigh that we sighed as we said goodbye, Was the size of the Leith police See! No typos! C |
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21 Apr 09 - 02:31 PM (#2615715) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Georgiansilver I went to see my sweetheart, Her name is Miss Brown. She was having a bath, Said she couldn't come down. I said please slip on something, And come down for a tick. She slipped on the soap and came down a bit quicker than she expected. I believe by Noel Coward but someone might correct me. |
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21 Apr 09 - 02:34 PM (#2615718) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Weasel Someone mentioned Haiku. The finest haiku ever written is that by John Cooper Clark: To convey one's mood In seventeen syllables Is very diffic Cheers |
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21 Apr 09 - 02:41 PM (#2615724) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: ClaireBear Oh dear. Now, those last two (especially together) put me in mind of a certain limericK: There was a young chap from Bhutan Who wrote verses that didn't quite scan. When they said, "But the thing Doesn't go with a swing," He said, "Yes, I know, but I always like to get as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can." |
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21 Apr 09 - 02:49 PM (#2615732) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: High Hopes (inactive) 100 |
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21 Apr 09 - 02:51 PM (#2615736) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: ClaireBear No, 101. |
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21 Apr 09 - 02:54 PM (#2615742) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Jon Bartlett Little Willie from his mirror Licked the mercury right off Thinking, in his childish error It would cure his whooping cough. At his funeral, Willie's mother Calmly said to Mrs. Brown "'Twas a chilly day for Willie When the mercury went down." Bob Graham, perhaps? Jon Bartlett |
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21 Apr 09 - 03:13 PM (#2615772) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: frogprince forgive me if I slip in something that I actually love: Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child, Listen to the DON'TS Listen to the SHOULDN'TS The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS Listen to the NEVER HAVES Then listen close to me-- Anything can happen, child, ANYTHING can be. Shel Silverstein |
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21 Apr 09 - 04:03 PM (#2615823) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: cptsnapper Another Ogden Nash Two nudists from Dover who were purple all over got munched by a cow in mistake for some clover. |
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21 Apr 09 - 04:36 PM (#2615851) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: dick greenhaus The bee's an energetic soul Who doesn't hold with birth control And thus the reason can be found For all the sons of B's around. |
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21 Apr 09 - 05:04 PM (#2615876) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Bill D (pedant alert!) The Dorothy Parker poem has been posted twice, 8 years apart, and still not gotten precisely. Ahem: "I'd rather fail my Wasserman test Than read a poem by Edgar Guest." (no 'A'...it ruins the scansion) (/pedant) Why pedantry? Because...ummmm... mere memory can fail, and the durned WWW/internet leads to C&P proliferation of slight differences from the original. (Now, I have different versions of some items above, but there is often no known author and thus no one 'authentic' version.) I learned Dick Greenhaus' poem about bees as: "The bee is such a busy soul, He has no time for birth control. And that is why, in times like these, There are so many Sons of B's" Scholars bicker...... |
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21 Apr 09 - 07:18 PM (#2616003) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Stewie My favourite is Isherwood's 'Common Cormorant' quoted above, but I also like this one: What a wonderful bird the frog are! When he stand he sit almost; When he hop he fly almost. He ain't got no sense hardly; He ain't got no tail hardly either. When he sit, he sit on what he ain't got almost. Author unknown. --Stewie. |
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21 Apr 09 - 08:37 PM (#2616042) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Joe_F Ogden Nash's complete reply to Dorothy Parker was: The girl who is bespectacled, She may not get her necktackled, But safety pins and bassinets Await the girl who fascinets. * Hogamus, higamus, Men are polygamous. Higamus, hogamus, Women, monogamous. Often attributed to D. Parker, but actually a good deal older. * Piss and fart, Sound at heart. * When in danger or in doubt, Run in circles, scream and shout. * Life is a jest, and all things show it: I thought so once, and now I know it. * Suck, squeeze, bang, blow. Internal combustion makes it go. * If I were a cassowary On the sands of Timbuctoo, I would eat a missionary, Coat and bands and hymnbook too. * Army version: Six days shalt thou work and do all thou art able: The seventh, the same, and clean out the stable. Navy version: Six days shalt thou labor and do all that thou art able, And on the seventh holystone the deck and scrape the cable. * Life is ever, since man was born, Licking honey from a thorn. * Always some flakes rise, But it is correct to say The snow is falling. * Said Sir Christopher Wren, "I am going to dine with some men. If anyone calls, Say I am designing St Paul's." Said Sir James Dewar, "I am smarter than you are. None of you asses Can condense gases." Said P. A. M. Dirac, "I will *not* call it a brac." Like many Brits, He had a thing about tits. |
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21 Apr 09 - 09:20 PM (#2616057) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: ClaireBear Bill: who -- you? pedantic? (I'm not forgetting who corrected my defective "Rivers of Texas" choruses.) Actually, hugsband Dan never told me it was Ms. Parker, so I'd not known there was a "correct" wording. Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa. (Gosh, I hope I remembered that right!) Claire |
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22 Apr 09 - 10:19 AM (#2616263) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Bill D Oh, I think that's perfect, Claire ☺ (We pedants can be mollified) ------------------------------------------------------ Said Sir Christopher Wren, "I am going to dine with some men. If anyone calls, Say I am designing St. Pauls." |
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22 Apr 09 - 10:33 AM (#2616271) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Dave Hanson Candy is dandy, But liquor is quicker. Ogden Nash [ I think ] Dave H |
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22 Apr 09 - 01:43 PM (#2616401) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Celtaddict My favorite Shel Silverstein: Please tell me just the fabuli, The miraculi, The gargantua; And kindly, kindly spare me All this insignificatia. |
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22 Apr 09 - 09:12 PM (#2616669) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: bseed(charleskratz) Another from Ogden Nash: The Lamb Little gamboling lamb Do you know where you am? In a patch of mint I'll give you a hint-- Scram, lamb And here's one of my few tries at haiku: Walking 'neath the palms Listening to the pigeons coo Dodging pigeon poop Charles |
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23 Apr 09 - 09:23 AM (#2616920) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Celtaddict Sheesh. Spell check is no use when he made up the word. Insignificantia. |
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23 Apr 09 - 02:02 PM (#2617121) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Soldier boy I wanted to go on the stage But at acting I simply was rotten. In pantomine I was the rage As the hole in the elephants' bottom. |
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23 Apr 09 - 02:54 PM (#2617161) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Micca Dr. Bell fell down the well and broke his collar bone Doctors should attend the sick and leave the well alone. The origial in the Purple Cow saga was I've never seen a Purple Cow with tears my eyes are full I've never seen a Purple Cow andI'm a Purple Bull Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall all the Kings horses and all the Kings men had scrambled egg for breakfast! I wish I was a littl grub with hairs around my tummy I'd climb into a honey pot and make my tummy gummy Dewey was the morning upon the First of May and Dewey was the Admiral down in Manila Bay and Dewey were the Spaniards eyes those orbs of black and blue and dew we feel discouraged? I Dew not think we dew |
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07 May 09 - 02:38 AM (#2626041) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: bseed(charleskratz) How to write haiku (from Jon Carroll in the San Francisco Chronicle (condensed and paraphrased from memory) Think the melody of "Moonlight in Vermont" DAH-duh-DAH-duh-DAH DAH-duh-DAH-duh-DAH-duh-DAH DAH-duh-DAH-duh-DAH |
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07 May 09 - 02:51 AM (#2626048) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Georgiansilver I wish I were a little frog, No taller than the grass. I'd climb up all the big oak trees, And slide down on my hands and knees!!!! Yes it does rhyme!!!! |
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07 May 09 - 02:53 AM (#2626049) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Georgiansilver To the tune of "Away in a manger" The cuckoo is a pretty bird, She sits in the grass. With her wings by her side and Her head under them. And in this position, She can only say "Twit". For who could say cuckoo, With a beak full of feathers? |
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07 May 09 - 07:04 AM (#2626138) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Dave Hanson As I was walking past St Pauls, A man jumped out and grabbed my leg. Dave H |
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07 May 09 - 08:27 AM (#2626168) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: TenorTwo To be sung to the tune of Tallis's "Canon": I wish I were a woolly worm with hairs upon my tummy, I'd jump into a pot of glue and make my tummy gummy. T2 |
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07 May 09 - 09:12 AM (#2626196) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: TheSnail What is that on the road, Mama? It looks like strawberry jam. Hush, hush my dear it is Papa Run over by a tram. I remember the St Pauls one as As I was walking past St Pauls, A woman grabbed me by the coat. She said "You look a man of pluck. Why not come in and have a cup of tea." There may be more. |
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07 May 09 - 09:13 AM (#2626197) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Charley Noble There was a crooked man, And he did very well! As remembered from The Inner City Goose. Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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07 May 09 - 09:33 AM (#2626213) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: BobKnight Old Scottish poem: Anon: Love, love, love, Love is like a dizzyness, It winna let a puir body, Gang aboot his business. Roger Miller: Roses are red, violets are purple, Sugar is sweet, and so is maple syrup-l. |
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07 May 09 - 11:37 AM (#2626303) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Georgiansilver An oldie!! There was a crooked man, Who walked a crooked mile. Found a crooked sixpence, And knackered a chocolate machine! |
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07 May 09 - 12:10 PM (#2626338) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego The two immediately below could be modified to include other populations near and dear to the reader: "You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, Put it into a flea's navel, And have room left over for a caraway seed And an agent's heart." Fred Allen "Hollywood is a place where people spend money they don't have, To buy things they don't need, To impress people they don't like." Ken Murray Candy's dandy, Liquor's quicker, But sex won't rot your teeth. Better to have flunked your Wasserman Than never to have loved at all. What's round and brown and sits on a piano bench? Beethoven's last movement... |
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07 May 09 - 05:14 PM (#2626599) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: BobKnight Mary had an iron cow, she milked it with a spanner. Out came shilling tins of milk and little ones at a tanner. Mary had a little lamb, she kept it in the cellar, A lump of coal stuck up its hole, and paralysed its smeller. |
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07 May 09 - 06:06 PM (#2626638) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: dick greenhaus the rain it raineth every day Upon the just and unjust fella But mostly on the just, because The unjust stole the just's umbrella |
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07 May 09 - 06:14 PM (#2626644) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego Rough day at the office - these are just stress relievers.... Jack & Jill went up the hill, They each had a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two-and-a-half; They didn't go after water! If at first you don't succeed, Suck eggs! There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children, she didn't know what to do. Evidently! Little Boy Blue, Come blow your horn. The sheep are in the meadow, The cows in the corn. Where's the boy who looks after the sheep? He's under the haystack with Bo-Peep. |
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08 May 09 - 02:32 AM (#2626887) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Dave Hanson Old Scottish epitaph called ' On Aberdeen ' Here lies the body of Elizabeth Charlotte, Born a virgin, died a harlot, A virgin still at seventeen, A remarkable thing for Aberdeen. Dave H |
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08 May 09 - 05:25 AM (#2626945) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: BobKnight Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, Her knickers all tattered and torn, It wasn't the spider that frightened Miss Muffet, It was little boy blue with his horn. |
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08 May 09 - 09:00 AM (#2627027) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Dave Hanson I found this in ' Bawdy Ballads ' by Ed Cray, it's from ' A Collection Of Epigrams ' published in 1735 If death must come, as of as breath departs, The he must often die, who often farts, And if to die be but to lose ones breath, Then deaths a fart; and so a fart for death. now that's a REALLY important poem. Dave H |
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09 May 09 - 07:57 AM (#2627640) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST,BanjoRay There was a young lady from Bude Who went for a swim in the lake A man in a punt Stuck his pole in her ear And said "You can't swim here, it's private" |
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15 May 09 - 09:08 AM (#2632505) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST,Joe Parry-Hill There was a boy named Willie, Now Willie is no more, What Willie thought was H2O was really H2SO4! Author Unknown |
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15 May 09 - 09:47 AM (#2632536) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Dave Hanson We used to say that about our chemistry teacher50 years ago, Mr Duffield's dead and gone, His voice we hear no more, For what he thought was H2O Was H2SO4 Dave H |
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15 May 09 - 10:30 AM (#2632551) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: paula t I like the "Ruthless Rhymes" of Harry Graham(1874 -1936). Here's a quick selection: "There's been an accident!" they said, "Your servant's cut in half; he's dead!" "Indeed!" said Mr Jones, "and please Send me the half that's got my keys." Weep not for little Leonie, Abducted by a French Marquis! Though loss of honour was a wrench, Just think how it improved her French! That morning when my wife eloped With James, our chauffeur, how I moped! What tragedies in life there are! I'm dashed if I can start the car! Our governess - would you believe It?-drowned herself on Christmas Eve! This was a waste, as , anyway It would have been a holiday. When Mrs. Gorm (Aunt Eloise) Was stung to death by savage bees, Her husband (Prebendary Gorm) Put on his veil, and took the swarm. He's publishing a book , next May, On "How To Make Bee-keeping Pay." Quite hard to believe a Victorian poet could be so "sick"! |
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15 May 09 - 11:51 AM (#2632596) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: frogprince Birdy with a yellow bill Perched upon my window sill; I lured him in with crumbs of bread And crushed his little f***in' head. |
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15 May 09 - 11:56 AM (#2632599) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: BobKnight Here's a wee poem I made up last year. Nostalgia: Nostalgia, oh, it's not what it was, It's lost all it's magic somehow. For the things I remembered were better back then, Than the things I remember now. |
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15 May 09 - 09:09 PM (#2632983) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST My favourite Milliganism The boy stood on the burning deck melting in the heat his sad brown eyes were full of tears his shoes were full of feet anon The worms go in and the worms come out they go in thin and they come out stout OOOOOOOooooooow |
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16 May 09 - 02:45 AM (#2633112) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Dave Hanson As I woke one morning, When all sweet things are born, A robin perched upon my sill, To signal the coming morn, He was so sweet and gentle, As softly he did sing, Sweet thought of love and happiness, Into my heart did spring, He sang his song so gently, Then as he paused a lull, I swiftly closed the window, And crushed his fucking skull. anon Dave H |
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16 May 09 - 04:55 AM (#2633150) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Georgiansilver A young lass I know from Black Rod, Is having a baby from God. But 'twas not the almighty, That crawled up her nightie, 'Twas the vicar, the dirty old sod! |
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08 Jul 09 - 07:24 AM (#2674571) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST,Swithun Goodbody There was an unusual trucker, Whose manners were awfully pukkah, If he picked up a lift That he wanted to shift He'd invite her for tea and then fuck her. |
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09 Jul 09 - 07:26 AM (#2675570) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: treewind A wise old owl sat in an oak The more he heard, the less he spoke The less he spoke, the more he heard Now wasn't that a wise old bird? (learnt from my grandmother) Anahata |
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09 Jul 09 - 07:41 AM (#2675578) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: treewind ...and now that Jack and Jill verse reminds me: Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water At least that's what they said they did But now they've got a daughter |
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09 Jul 09 - 08:37 AM (#2675616) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Dave Hanson Jack and Jill went up the hill, To fetch a pail of water, Jill came down with half a crown, But not for carrying water. Dave H |
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08 Feb 10 - 12:49 PM (#2833017) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: frogprince Of all the lovely sights on earth there's nothing to compare to a girl who pulls on high-top boots and then her underwear. |
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08 Feb 10 - 01:20 PM (#2833060) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST,Steamin' Willie A badge doing the rounds at the Stainsby Festival circa' 1980. WHALE OIL BEEF HOOKED Tony Capstick, bless him, used to say; "I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high, along trees and river banks I trod upon a bloke's bare arse And heard a woman's voice say "Thanks." |
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08 Feb 10 - 03:11 PM (#2833194) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Peter the Squeezer I eat my peas with honey, I've done it all my life. It makes the peas taste funny But it keeps them on the knife. Manchester Piccadilly, and Alsatians to Crewe For a day at the end of platform two. Butties in duffle bag, tea in a flask. Why do you do it? Why do you ask? From Sir (wot no knighthood yet) Les Barker The boy stood on the burning deck. TWIT! From Mike Spilligna |
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08 Feb 10 - 11:41 PM (#2833630) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Joe_F Of all the fishes in the seas, The strangest is the bass. It climbs into the tops of trees And slides down on its hands and knees To frolic in the grass. |
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09 Feb 10 - 05:04 AM (#2833736) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Bryn Pugh The boy stood on the burning deck His arse against the mast. He dared not move a fucking inch Till the dreaded bummer passed. This bummer was a crafty sod He threw the lad a fritter. The lad bent down to pick it up - WHAM !! Six inches up his shitter. In the merry month of Liverpool In the City of July, The rain was snowing heavily And the streets were desert dry. The elephant is a bonny bird Which flies across the sky - It makes its nest in rhubarb trees And yodels like a fly. Davy Crockett Built a rocket. The rocket went "bang !", His ball went clang And he found his prick in a pocket. When I was young I had no sense I ripped my bollocks on a barbed-wire fence. Off to the doctor's I did go Balls and all I had to show. He set me on a ten foot stool And cut four inches off my tool. When I came home my sister laughed To see a broom without a shaft. (I'll get me Barbour . . . ) |
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09 Feb 10 - 09:41 AM (#2834007) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Cuilionn BERTHA'S WISH I wish my eyes were green instead of brown. I wish my stomach went in instead of out. I wish he would stand on the top of the tallest building and shout, "I love you, Amanda!" One more wish: I wish my name was Amanda. --Judith Viorst [MISERICORDIA!] Misericordia! College of Cardinals, Nervously rising to Whisper its will: "Rather than being so Unecumenical, Can't we just quietly Swallow the Pill?" --James Lipton EGGOMANIA Consider the egg. It's a miracle, A thing so diverse for its size That we hardly can help growing lyrical When given the Pullet Surprise. The scope of this peerless comestible Must drive other foods to despair Since it's not only fully digestible But great for shampooing the hair. It's boilable, poachable, fryable; It scrambles, it makes a sauce thicken. It's also the only reliable Device for producing a chicken. --Felicia Lamport |
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09 Feb 10 - 07:26 PM (#2834624) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Cool Beans See the happy moron. He doesn't give a damn. I wish I was a moron. My God, perhaps I am. ---Samuel Hoffenstein, "Poems in Praise of Practically Nothing" |
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07 Jul 10 - 10:01 AM (#2941169) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST,Bill in CT America's a wondrous place And full of awesome things -- For here the fish have fingers And the buffaloes have wings. |
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08 Jul 10 - 12:42 AM (#2941573) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: LadyJean Mary had a little lamb A little pork, a little jam. Some ice cream soda topped with fizz And oh how sick our Mary is. (Grandma taught me that one.) Help murder polce! My wife fell in the grease! I laughed so hard I fell in the lard! Help murder police! |
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03 Aug 10 - 03:58 AM (#2957189) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST,Swithun Goodbody As an epicure meticulous I relish roast rhinoceros, But when I'm feeling frivolous I start with pickled octopus. While partaking of my polypus I just eat each metatarsus; The legs I find monotonous And slightly cartilaginous. |
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31 Jan 12 - 02:04 PM (#3299770) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST,Cork I remember these from reading selections from the Science Fiction Book Club in the 1950's [but not the authors]: Little Willie made a slip While landing in his rocket ship See that bright actinic glare That's our little Willie there When they settled the nightside of Mercury The settlers named the dome Mayfair But they soon rechristened it June Because what is so rare as a day there? |
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16 Jun 24 - 06:28 PM (#4204026) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST,Mary Gillis The peanut sat on the railroad track, His heart was all a-flutter. The 5:15 came rolling back, Peanut…peanut butter! |
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16 Jun 24 - 09:24 PM (#4204036) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Helen GUEST,Mary Gillis, the version I remember was: Ooey Gooey was a worm, A worm was Ooey Gooey. He climbed onto a railway track And oh, Ooey Gooey! |
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17 Jun 24 - 09:28 AM (#4204053) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Georgiansilver My friend is quite the omnivore, Like many who have gone before. And you may have heard before, That a cow is just a herbivore. But if you are an Aquarian, You may be vegetarian. Or even a pescatarian, Or even the reverse. Michael J Hill © Aug 2023. |
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17 Jun 24 - 09:59 AM (#4204054) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: gillymor She offered her honor, He honored her offer, And all through the night, It was on her and off her. -some graffiti |
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17 Jun 24 - 10:53 AM (#4204056) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Dave the Gnome Two wee birdies sittin' on a barrow One was a spug, t'other was a sparrow |
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18 Jun 24 - 01:50 PM (#4204103) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST As I was lying on the green A little book it chanced I seen Bartlett's Soviet Princeton was the edition - I left it lying in the same position |
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18 Jun 24 - 05:07 PM (#4204110) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler A poem to contemplate canabalism? I would just eat vegetables if I were a vegetarian. What, I wonder, should I eat as an humanitarian? Robin |
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19 Jun 24 - 08:47 PM (#4204167) Subject: On the vanity of Earthly Greatness From: GUEST,Mary Gillis The tusks that clashed in mighty brawls Of mastodons are billiard balls. The sword of Charlemagne the Just Is ferric oxide known as rust. The grizzly bear whose potent hug Was feared by all is now a rug. Great Caesar's bust sits on my shelf, And I don't feel so well myself. - Arthur Guiterman |
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19 Jun 24 - 09:05 PM (#4204168) Subject: Methusaleh From: GUEST,Mary Gillis Methuselah ate what he found on his plate, And never as people do now Did he note the amount of the calorie count. He ate it because it was chow. He wasn't disturbed as at dinner he sat Devouring a roast or a pie, To think it rich in saturated fat Or a couple of vitamins shy. He cheerfully chewed each morsel of food Unmindful of troubles or fears Lest his health might be hurt by some fancy dessert, And he lived over nine-hundred years. - Anonymous |
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19 Jun 24 - 11:29 PM (#4204171) Subject: Sex in Parks From: GUEST,Mary Gillis Said a girl on one of her larks, “Sex is better in bed than in parks. I feel more at ease, My ass doesn’t freeze, And passers by don’t make remarks”. |
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20 Jun 24 - 11:23 AM (#4204192) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: GUEST,John from Kemsing Poem to be sung to the tune of "Oh Mr. Porter". Oh Mr.Gupta, what shall we do. I ordered Beef Madras, you served me Vindaloo. I also ordered Pilau but you served me plain. Oh Mr. Gupta I shall not eat here again. Oh Mr. John, what can I say. Your waiter is my sister`s boy, just shipped in from Bombay. He was raised in Delhi, his English is no good. Is it any wonder that he buggered up your food!. |
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26 Jun 24 - 10:36 PM (#4204532) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Pappy Fiddle For sale: baby shoes. Never used. Noah tried his luck fishin out the stern but he didn't have much luck only had two worm About the buffalo wings... I was in Buffalo, of course And a restaurant claimed to be the original source |
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29 Jun 24 - 09:52 AM (#4204675) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Neil D Here's a couple limericks my dad taught me near 60 years ago. They were probably already old at the time. There was a young man from Boston Who bought himself an Austin (very small motorcar) There was room for his ass And a gallon of gas But his balls hung out and he lost 'em There was an old lady from Wheeling Who had a peculiar feeling She laid on her back And let out a crack And pissed all over the ceiling |
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29 Jun 24 - 11:28 AM (#4204679) Subject: RE: Really Really Important Poem From: Georgiansilver There was a young man from Kent, Whose tool was exceedingly bent. So to save him some trouble, He bent it in double, And instead of 'coming' he went. |