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28 Sep 01 - 02:19 PM (#560870) Subject: Really BAD New Virus!! From: Steve in Idaho If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes", delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto-dial to call only 1-900 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING. It will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING?? It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences. If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, It will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. ******* WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. ******* And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite and burn up the whole durn place.... I received this from my veterinarian and Doc would never lie to me!! Steve |
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28 Sep 01 - 02:23 PM (#560874) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: Clinton Hammond Hehehehehehe.... |
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28 Sep 01 - 02:27 PM (#560882) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: jeffp Love it! Really needed the chuckle, too. jeffp |
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28 Sep 01 - 02:29 PM (#560883) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: kendall OLD NEWS but still funny. Why dont they come up with one that erases terrorists? |
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28 Sep 01 - 02:30 PM (#560884) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: MMario my gad is this thing still floating around? I had hoped it was dead. On the other hand, if I could somehow get a penny for everytime I have been sent it...I could pay the car off! |
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28 Sep 01 - 02:50 PM (#560902) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: Donuel My favorite was the Mennonite virus.- It instructed you to erase your hard drive by hand. |
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28 Sep 01 - 02:56 PM (#560909) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: Steve Latimer This is the latest one I received Please forward this plea for help. . . . My name is Billy Evans, and I'm a nine-year-old boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad. I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base. Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10. If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless bastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow horrible death and then burn forever in hell. What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy? Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much. Thank You, Billy "Smiley" Evans
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28 Sep 01 - 03:40 PM (#560940) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: Ebbie I read that as 'Smelly' Evans. :) Ebbie |
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28 Sep 01 - 03:41 PM (#560943) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: Amos Billy: Drop the bag -- your mother and I will both thank you. Uncle Sam |
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28 Sep 01 - 03:46 PM (#560947) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: Steve in Idaho I Love it!! Maybe we could send Billy a Mudcat nude calender - and he could become a holographic representation of someone! Steve |
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28 Sep 01 - 03:50 PM (#560951) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: Steve Latimer I sent this to my cousin who replied that it was a hoax and went into the whole hoax speach based on only having read the first line. I told her to read it through and get back to me. She said she had to leave and take a walk she was laughing so hard. I had another one that was even better, but it was pretty blue. |
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28 Sep 01 - 04:48 PM (#560974) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: SharonA Steve sez: "I had another one that was even better, but it was pretty blue." ...and you're not posting it? I thought this place was dedicated to blues! ;^) |
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28 Sep 01 - 05:21 PM (#560995) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: Bill D those of us old enough to remember saving cigarette packs to buy Iron Lungs for polio patents are not always sure when to laugh at these things... |
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28 Sep 01 - 06:33 PM (#561037) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: Gareth Sorry Kendall - they don't have a virus that will erase tourists. (Creep from advice to tourists thread) Oooops Sorry I'll read that again. Gareth |
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29 Sep 01 - 11:23 AM (#561377) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: Steve in Idaho Ah - it just struck my funny bone Bill D.. I certainly meant no offense. My apolgies to those that took it that way - Steve |
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29 Sep 01 - 01:40 PM (#561417) Subject: RE: Really BAD New Virus!! From: Steve Latimer Sharon A., good point I'll try to find it and conider posting it. Norton1, I think it was me that offended Bill D. Bill D., I'm sorry if I offended you. I thought that this was absurd enough to be non-offensive. Cigarette packs to buy Iron Lungs, now that's irony. |