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18 Oct 01 - 12:36 AM (#574657) Subject: It's Sad To Belong if the right one come From: Mudshark1 I am in a funk right now in my marriage.I need to be loved by someone sensitive and sweet.I stop myself everytime I get the opportunity and feel like I should have done something after.The marriage is a one sided relationship and she doesn't try anymore.I'm 40 something.Good looking and affectionate and gifted musically.I teach school, and play professionally.Musicians are basically sensitive people and love that in a woman.I feel like I'm wasting my life away in being 48 this year.I need to know what it is to be loved by someone who is the same person day one to the day you die.Too many phony people out there.If you listen to the song it's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes around by John Ford Coley. That is definately me. If there is any one out there in a situation like i am in I would love to talk to you. Maybe in some way we could help each other.All The Best,Mudshark |
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18 Oct 01 - 12:39 AM (#574658) Subject: RE: BS: It's Sad To Belong if the right one come From: Amergin The problem is...no one ever stays the same... have you tried talking this over with your mate? Maybe go to therapy sessions together? |
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18 Oct 01 - 05:26 AM (#574727) Subject: RE: BS: It's Sad To Belong if the right one come From: GUEST,Dazed & confused Hello Mudshark, I think everybody needs to be loved, but there's costs to loving & being loved. Amergin is right - everybody changes, I think the lucky couples are those who somehow manage to grow in the same directions. I really believe you need to sort out how you feel about the future of your marriage before you can get into any truly loving relationship. It sounds as if you are struggling to try to stay within your marriage - so I'm sure you don't want to hurt your wife or another woman. You sound like you're hurting already. I don't think any relationship can be perfect, maybe yours can improve - maybe by talking to friends or consellors,and in many, the best thing to do is to start new lives, but only you & your wife can know what direction is going to be best for you. If you do meet anyone again - let them know what your situation is. Please don't let yourself become one of the phonies, I speak from experience - recently having fallen in love with a married man. Good luck Mudshark. |
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18 Oct 01 - 05:32 AM (#574731) Subject: RE: BS: It's Sad To Belong if the right one come From: GUEST,Smallpiper Hey that sounds familier! You are not alone PM me. |
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18 Oct 01 - 07:50 AM (#574773) Subject: RE: BS: It's Sad To Belong if the right one come From: GUEST You are looking for answers in the wrong places. Been there done that, almost lost everything for it. I am still married but came so close to loosing everything that I care about. When the times are hard it is difficult to see what it is you valued about the person. Try harder, remember the times when you weren't in the muck and try to recapture those times. People change, you have and so has your spouse. Try to find the new things in your partner and help them discover the changes you have made. Sometimes we fall in love with an ideal, we are blind, or maybe they are perfect at that time. Explore how each other have changed before you muddy the waters. You can always try, but if you step outside of that relationship with your spouse, you may find the damage irrepairable. You may also see that you hurt someone that you still deeply care about, even though you may not feel it. Not a promise it would work, but still better than watching people you care about get hurt and finding it is too late to fix it. |
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18 Oct 01 - 08:00 AM (#574776) Subject: RE: BS: It's Sad To Belong if the right one come From: kendall You are making a common mistake. Looking for what you need in another. It is not there. One who does not love ones self, can not love another. Maybe that's her problem. Even loving ones self is no guarantee. PM me for details. |
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18 Oct 01 - 08:21 AM (#574788) Subject: RE: BS: It's Sad To Belong if the right one come From: Susan-Marie Mudshark - Been there. Your need to be loved in whatever way you perceive it is real. It's possible your wife can't give that to you, but it's also possible she could if you understood each other's needs better. Why did she stop trying? After a few months of therapy this is what I decided: 1) tell spouse that the distance between us is hurting me, and we need to bridge it. 2) start couples therapy - work at it as hard as we can. 3a) bridge the distance - stay married. 3b) can't bridge the distance - get out of the marriage as amicably as possible. Step 1 is done, we're moving on to step 2. There's lots of advice on the "In love with a married man" thread related to resolving the marriage before trying to find what you need in someone else. Good luck - don't spend the rest of your life miserable, but recognize that you need to take positive action to change things. |
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18 Oct 01 - 04:27 PM (#574998) Subject: RE: BS: It's Sad To Belong if the right one come From: Deda Words of wisdom from the radio oldies: Darlin if you want me to be Closer to you Get closer to me Darlin if you want me to see See only you then see only me (and so on and so on.) Try to love the one you're with if you can. Try to focus on how much love and understanding you're giving more than on how much you're getting, more on what needs of hers you can meet rather than on what needs of yours she has or hasn't met. This may or may not work but it sure can't hurt, and it might do wonders. |
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18 Oct 01 - 07:38 PM (#575139) Subject: RE: BS: It's Sad To Belong if the right one come From: GUEST,Mudshark Wow! You people are terrific. I got a lot of insight and really appreciate it.I still have my fantasied though.I can't be the only one trying. Once again thanks and keep oin touch!All The Best,Jim |