Song Challenge! - Part 69

14 Nov 01 - 10:28 AM (#592405)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Jack the Sailor

FRAMED (Jerry Leiber - Mike Stoller) As performed by Kevin Bacon and the 6 degrees

I was hanging out in Florida, minding my own affair
a cop grabbed me unaware
He said, You're a trouble maker and wrestled me to the ground?
He says come on little piggy
we're takin' you to the pound
I was framed, framed, I was blamed
Framed, well I never do nothing
But I always get blamed, oh framed

Up in Minnesota, I'm living in a home
But tell me please in the USA why they measure me in stone
I thought that I was saving my mistress and her purse
So tell me why I'm riding in a smelly Butcher's hearse
I was Framed, framed, I was blamed
Oh, framed, framed, framed
Well, I never do nothing
But I always get blamed

Well, the prosecuting attorney started a-prosecuting me
Man, that cat didn't give me the one, but the third degree
He says, He is your reward for all of your hard work
We won't save your bacon we're turning you into pork
I was framed, oh framed, I was blamed
Oh, framed, framed, framed
Well, I never do nothing
But I always get framed, oh framed
Oh framed...

---

14 Nov 01 - 10:42 AM (#592412)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Kim C

Have you seen the little piggies
Lying in the yard
And for all the little piggies
Life is very hard
With just a little yard
To roll around in

Arnold wasn't quite so little
Over 20 stone
Arnold bit a bad old burglar
Breaking in his home
Did it on his own
To save his master

Then there was the other piggy
Running all amok
Three hundred yards he ran
Before they threw him on the truck
How he did squirm and buck
Poor little piggy!

Have you seen the little piggies
Lying in the yard
And for all the little piggies
Life is very hard
With just a little yard
To roll around in

---

14 Nov 01 - 11:59 AM (#592461)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: GUEST,MMario

THOSE DARING YOUNG PIGS IN THE NEWS
(Tune:The Daring young man on the flying trapeze)

Once I was agile, but now I'm a klutz,
Like an old tin can all covered with rust;
Lost in this world, and now left in a pen
Taken down by a Florida Cop
I ran and I dodged for three hundred yards,
Like the greatest of broken field runs
But my ears and my hams were soon seized in his hands
And he called for his backup to come.


Chorus: They revel in news. They adore all the press.
Those clever young pigs who are from the U. S.
The envy of neighbors, boars, barrows and gilts,
And next Wednesday they turn into HAM!

There came Douglas and Deen and young deputy John;
But 'twas Dunlop who grabbed the pigskin
And he twisted my limbs, man he really hung in
Down in Florida's County Marin

Chorus:

In Minnasota, It's Arnold who gets glory all day;
The pride of the Moyer's; Oy Vay!
Un-orthodox, yes, all the neighbor do say
But treif keeps the burglers away!

Chorus:

Arnold was milk-fed by bottle and hand;
A true gentle-pig they do say;
Until a thief tried to get in his way;
And he bit down to uphold the law!

Chorus:

---

14 Nov 01 - 12:10 PM (#592474)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: mousethief

Wasn't "Arnold" the name of the pig on Green Acres?

I'm going to have to think about this a bit. Back soon.

Alex

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14 Nov 01 - 12:11 PM (#592476)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: MMario

you remember correctly MT! Arnold was indeed the Zimmer's famous pig

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14 Nov 01 - 01:23 PM (#592535)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Jack the Sailor

Theme Green Acres 2001

Minnesota is the Place to be
He's livin in pig luxury
He doesn't have to stay out side
Biting the burglers, maken' em run and hide

Osama is his next target
We'll send Arnold there we won't regret
Terrorism isn't very great They may kill him, but we know he won't get ate

George and Tony start to scream and shout
Get bin Laden, go and smoke 'em out
Like a search for truffles is their plan
Yes our pigs will be smoking them all like ham

Optional verse for pig II

Florida is another place
Where pigs may have the law to face
He might get on a show of Cops
But if they catch him they're turning him into chops

---

14 Nov 01 - 01:38 PM (#592547)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: mousethief

On Receiving a Pig as a Present
(tune not yet written)

I don't expect diamonds, I know he's not rich
But that boyfriend of mine is a sonofabitch
For my birthday I don't know quite what I expected
But something ROMANTIC I'd hoped he'd selected
Not fancy, not pricey, not antique, not big
But why in the hell did he get me a PIG?
I mean, come on, bright boy, just once why not THINK?
What girl wants a present that smells and goes OINK?
But while I'm deciding whether I should just dump 'im,
Two burglars come burgling, and the goddam pig jumped 'em!
Now my boyfriend's a hero, as well as his present
And I must admit now I am feeling more pleasant
About the bizarre gift he gave me. What foresight!
But when I said "thanks for the pig!" he said, "poor sight
has played a cruel joke. I must get new glasses!
I thought I had bought you a dog!" -- Now THAT's what class is.

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved and such.

---

14 Nov 01 - 03:16 PM (#592628)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: SharonA

Ach! No, no, MMario; the Green Acres pig was named Arnold Ziffel!

Oh, golly, I hadn't even gotten around to writing a Tiger-man song yet, and here you all are composing wonderful double-dip stuff here. Well, let me finish eating everyone else's dust (*crunch crunch*) before I start in on this Challenge!

Sharon (whose birthday happens to fall on 6/9) (at least, it does in the States!)

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14 Nov 01 - 03:32 PM (#592636)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: MMario

*thwap!* Sorry - I always confused the Ziffel's with the Zimmerman's (Charlotte's Web)

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14 Nov 01 - 03:51 PM (#592646)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: SharonA

Thorry, MMario, I thertainwy didn't mean to thwap you.

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14 Nov 01 - 04:00 PM (#592661)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: mousethief

All right you guys, keep it clean.

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14 Nov 01 - 04:08 PM (#592668)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: MMario

*sigh* another fantasy shattered on the cold rock of reality...

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14 Nov 01 - 04:31 PM (#592689)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Áine

Well, looks like I need to *thwap* some Silver B.L.O.B.s on you folks! Great, great stuff so far -- so keep it up, Challenge!rs!! So, here's me *thwapping* away . . .

To Jack the Sailor for two hilarious bits o' bull:

Up in Minnesota, I'm living in a home
But tell me please in the USA why they measure me in stone
I thought that I was saving my mistress and her purse
So tell me why I'm riding in a smelly Butcher's hearse
I was Framed, framed, I was blamed
Oh, framed, framed, framed
Well, I never do nothing
But I always get blamed

AND

George and Tony start to scream and shout
Get bin Laden, go and smoke 'em out
Like a search for truffles is their plan
Yes our pigs will be smoking them all like ham

To Kim C. for the hummable:

Then there was the other piggy
Running all amok
Three hundred yards he ran
Before they threw him on the truck
How he did squirm and buck
Poor little piggy!

To MMario for the ruminatable(!):

They revel in news. They adore all the press.
Those clever young pigs who are from the U. S.
The envy of neighbors, boars, barrows and gilts,
And next Wednesday they turn into HAM!

And to mousethief, for the spit-take worthy:

Now my boyfriend's a hero, as well as his present
And I must admit now I am feeling more pleasant
About the bizarre gift he gave me. What foresight!
But when I said "thanks for the pig!" he said, "poor sight
has played a cruel joke. I must get new glasses!
I thought I had bought you a dog!" -- Now THAT's what class is.


Way to go, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

---

14 Nov 01 - 04:36 PM (#592695)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Homeless

Good Gravy Áine, you don't wait around, do you? I just saw this thread a half hour ago and started working on my bit of verse, and in that time you've already started thwapping out BLOBS.
Oh, well, here's my attempt.

Two Fat Pigs (to the tune of Four Wet Pigs)

Here's a little song about two fat pigs.
Here's a little song about two fat pigs.
One runs around in zags and zigs,
The other has earned a name that's big.

First pig lives up in M N
All the police are now his friend.
Since he saved a purse from a snatching thief.
A watchdog pig is beyond belief.

The other pig is a real mean beast.
Neighbor's gardens became his feast.
He was run down by just one cop,
but it took three more to get him to stop.

Here's a little song about 2 fat pigs.
One is a savior, the other in the the brig.
Meet up the convict with the hero pig,
And his harmful ways he will renege.

---

14 Nov 01 - 04:57 PM (#592716)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Áine

Hey there, Homeless!! It's great to see you hanging around here again! ;-) Here's a hug, a snog, AND a big thwapping Silver B.L.O.B. for:

The other pig is a real mean beast.
Neighbor's gardens became his feast.
He was run down by just one cop,
but it took three more to get him to stop.

Excellent!! -- Áine

---

14 Nov 01 - 05:06 PM (#592724)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Amos

Get Around, Little Piglets

(Tune: Whoopee-Ti-Yi-Yo, Get Around Li'l Dofgies)

I'm breeding ol' Babe,
She's really some pig,
Her tail, it is curly,
Her udders are big.
She's fatter than the legs on
Mah mother-in-law
The finest old breed-sow
Thet you ever saw,

    Get around you little piglets, get around 'em slow,
    The fate of your blood-line is ready to show,
    For good or for evil, you'll rally to the line
    And your karma will tell on you, all in good time!

Now ol' sow Babe,
Had two daughters and a song,
One went to Cop School,
The other went wrong!
The first piglet went on,
To be honored by the fuzz;
The other was the worst varmint
Ever there was!
 

    Get around you little piglets, get around 'em slow,
    The fate of your blood-line is ready to show,
    For good or for evil, you'll rally to the line
    And your karma will tell on you, all in good time!

That good little pig,
Put his life on the table,
When two desparadoes
Broke in to the stable,
He tore the leg off one,
With jaws like hot lead,
And he beat the other with it,
Until they both fled,
 

    Get around you little piglets, get around 'em slow,
    The fate of your blood-line is ready to show,
    For good or for evil, you'll rally to the line
    And your karma will tell on you, all in good time!

That bad little pig,
He never would do right,
He was out cutting hijinks
From morning to night!
He knocked off every dumpster
In Washington town,
And it took three strapping lawmen
To hold that pig down,
 

    Get around you little piglets, get around 'em slow,
    The fate of your blood-line is ready to show,
    For good or for evil, you'll rally to the line
    And your karma will tell on you, all in good time!

Now old Babe's retired,
She sleeps on the stoop,
And she counts all the flies
Buzzin' round the chicken coop,
And she don't fret about her piglets,
On the force, or in the pen,
An' if she had the chance,
She would have 'em again!
 

    Get around you little piglets, get around 'em slow,
    The fate of your blood-line is ready to show,
    For good or for evil, you'll rally to the line
    And your karma will tell on you, all in good time!
 

---

14 Nov 01 - 05:44 PM (#592757)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Amergin

mmario...the pig in charlotte's web was wilbur...

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14 Nov 01 - 06:41 PM (#592790)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Amos

Some Pig!!!

A

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14 Nov 01 - 06:47 PM (#592797)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Áine

. . . get around little piglets . . . -- you've got a real Sheila-na-Giger there, dear Bard of the Fam! ;-) Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Now old Babe's retired,
She sleeps on the stoop,
And she counts all the flies
Buzzin' round the chicken coop,
And she don't fret about her piglets,
On the force, or in the pen,
An' if she had the chance,
She would have 'em again!


-- Áine (wiping away a wee tear . . .)

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14 Nov 01 - 07:22 PM (#592823)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: SharonA

Hey, Alex, I'm being good! No thwappin' innuendos here, Mister Gutter-mind! I'm pure as the driven snow! Nobody in my bed but me and my pu... um, kitty.

Speaking of kitties, I've felt inspired to parody "The Owl and the Pussycat". I'm sure it's been set to music, but I don't know the tune. Anyway, here 'tis...


THE PIG AND THE FUSSY BRAT
(Tune{?}: "The Owl and the Pussycat")

Pronunciation guide: Minneapolisian = MINN-yap-o-LEE-zhan (5 syllables)

The pig to the fussy brat sent was he, to a Minneapolisian house.
She told her honey who gave her the funny pet, "Undies this ain't, you louse!"
The pig looked toward the garage one night, and oinked o'er the small red car,
"Oh 'mommy' Becky! Oh Becky, what's wrong?
What a nervous young wreck-y you are, you are,
What a nervous young wreck-y you are!"

Said crooks with a growl, "Don't yell, girl. Don't howl, you wonderf'lly sweet young thing.
The purse that you carry, give to us. Don't tarry, or bullets into you will sting."
But she wailed away with a tear and a "hey" to the pig with the long, flat nose
And then, on a dude the piggy-wig chewed
And he'd cling there, offending his foes, his foes,
And he'd cling there, offending his foes.

'Oh, pig, it's so thrilling to tell that you're willing to bring down a prig with a will."
So the crooks ran away. They'd not tarried that day lest the jerks be the piggy's first kill.
No crime there since; the pig would make mincemeat of hated crooks once the girl'd swoon...
But on the lam is a Florida ham
That they can't, with three bright cops, bring doon, bring doon,
That they can't, with three bright cops, bring doon.

missing song line added and duplicate message deleted by mudelf ;-)

---

14 Nov 01 - 07:55 PM (#592846)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Áine

Dang it, SharonA, you've done it AGAIN! You've gone and won another Golden B.L.O.B. -- I hope you realize how hard those are to win, much less how hard they are to keep hidden from the puppy (she just loves to chew TGG's B.L.O.B.s, don't ya know). Anyhoot, here's your Golden B.L.O.B. for these lovely lyrical lines:

'Oh, pig, it's so thrilling to tell that you're willing to bring down a prig with a will."
So the crooks ran away. They'd not tarried that day lest the jerks be the piggy's first kill.
No crime there since; the pig would make mincemeat of hated crooks once the girl'd swoon...
But on the lam is a Florida ham
That they can't, with three bright cops, bring doon, bring doon,
That they can't, with three bright cops, bring doon.


-- Áine (who's working on her own little ditty; but, who feels very intimidated by the one and only SharonA . . .)

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14 Nov 01 - 09:29 PM (#592897)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Áine

Alrightey then, Challenge!rs -- I've finished my little ditty . . . SharonA and her Golden B.L.O.B. be dingy-dang-darned! ;-)

Now, there might be some of my fellow Texicans that feel my lyrical offering is not very patriotic (to the nation of Texas, that is . . .); so, I have to prevaricate a wee bit, and tell y'all that I am the very proud descendant of several Texas Rangers; one of whom even took a herd of buffalo on a sailing ship to England with Wild Bill Hickock's Wild West Show to see the Queen (no brag, just fact). So, I feel very comfortable with my little song about . . .

The Ranger Pig of Texas
(Tune: The Yellow Rose of Texas)

There's a pig I know in Texas
His name is Bubba G.
He lives the life of Riley
On a farm off I-30
He is chubby, white and shiny
And his tail curls like a 'B'
He's the Ranger Pig of Texas
And the only pork for me!

The white Stetson and his star he earned
When his Becky, she got robbed
Like a javelin', he dove right in
Grabbed the perp's leg with his gob
You can talk about your heroes tall
And sing them songs of yore
But the Ranger Pig of Texas
Is the pork that I adore!

Well, the days did dawn, the leaves did fall
Still they called for Bubba G.
There were rabbit runs, and bulls with guns
And chicken massacrees
With his snout held high, red in his eye
He answered every call
He's the Ranger Pig of Texas
The best pork of them all!

Bubba's fame was sealed one day in June
When his cousin, he went wild
From the wrong side of the blanket
'Jimmy D.' his handle styled
He took out the yams and taters
Then attacked the zucchini
But the Ranger Pig of Texas
Was his pork fait accompli!

With his deputies on either side
Bubba G., he led the charge
His pearly teeth sunk in a haunch
They took down that garbage barge
Jimmy D. in jail, without his tail
Bubba G., he waddled home
The Ranger Pig of Texas
May this porker never roam!

There's a pig I know in Texas
His name is Bubba G.
He lives the life of Riley
On a farm off I-30
He is chubby, white and shiny
And his tail curls like a 'B'
He's the Ranger Pig of Texas
And the only pork for me!

YEE-HAW!!

-- Áine

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14 Nov 01 - 09:46 PM (#592909)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Homeless

Gosh, what a nice reception. I'll have to come back more often. And here's a hug and snog back to you, dear lady.
BTW, what's a silver B.L.O.B. anyway? I don't think you had those last time I poked my snout in here, and I don't see it listed on prize list in the songbook.

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14 Nov 01 - 09:55 PM (#592912)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Áine

Dearest Homeless,

A B.L.O.B. is the abbreviation for 'Best Line O' Bull' -- a wee flake off the old Golden Cow Chip that I award in the course of a Challenge! for the best verse in a song submission -- just a little bit of encouragement for my darlin' Challenge!rs ;-)

And you definitely have to start hanging around here more often -- the ranks of the Challenge!rs have swelled with talent and fun -- so, jump on in, my sweet Homeless, the water's fine!!!

-- Áine

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14 Nov 01 - 10:40 PM (#592923)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Bobert

Ahhh...'scuze me. I thought I was tunneling into another place. Where am I? Nice song Jack the Sailor. You got my vote. What do you people do here, anyway? Just write songs? That's cool. I write songs, too, but not on request. You all do this every day? Or what? I tunneled in from a renegade blues site and thought I was just going out to get a little air and ended up here. If you all see Tweed, don't tell him I was here or he's goinna duct tape me up and take me back. I know he will. You see, it's fall in Tweedsburg and my job is to collect the fallen leaves and nail them back on the trees. So, please, depot agent, tell him I went the other way.... Ahhh, nice song Jack. Can I steal it? Just funnin' with 'ya, Popeye, I got more songs than gitfiddle at the moment.....

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15 Nov 01 - 12:16 AM (#592972)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Amos

pork fait accompli!!!!!

Wow, Áine!!! That phrase is worth a BLOB all by itself!!! yeeeHaw indeed!!! Nice work!

A

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15 Nov 01 - 03:03 AM (#593031)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Clifton53

Good Pig Bad Pig
(Tune is Good Times Bad Times, ala Led Zeppelin} so crank it up and take a trip down memory lane.

In the days of my youth I was told what it means to be a hog
Keep your snout clean or you'll end up no better than a dog
No matter how I try I find myself in the same old fog
Stealin' trash and raidin' gardens I've got quite a police log

Good pig, bad pig you know that I don't care
I've done alright for a porker, a pot-bellied short hair

I was young they took me home down to F L A
Only took a couple a days and I was makin' hay
Famous in my neighborhood, a thievin' poachin' wretch
Many times they chased me 'round, but me they could not catch, oh

Good pig bad pig I'm famous in my 'hood
Lots of sows to play with and man I'm eatin' good

My brother up in Minny, he's a goody four- hoof I can't stand
Always playin' hero, always doin' right and acting grand
And just the other night he bit right through a nice young burglar's hand
We ain't spoke in years, he's a ham-fisted fool to beat the band

Good pig, bad pig I'm glad that I turned left
I tote around my fourteen stone, now there's some friggin' heft

I know what it means to be a swine
This whole town is freakin' mine
I don't care what the neighbors say
I'm gonna run things, gonna have my way

I'm tough and quick and nasty, and I'm mean
Prime southern pork, purely porcine

Clifton

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15 Nov 01 - 08:04 AM (#593089)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: MMario

Amos - I agree with you - pork fait accompli!

Bobert - Challenges! occur with erratic regularity - but the forum itself discusses just about anything - tho' somehow we keep coming back to music.

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15 Nov 01 - 08:43 AM (#593112)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Aidan Crossey

This little ditty is to the tune of "The Rich Man And The Poor Man" as sung by the extremely estimable Mr Dick Hogan on his excellent album "The Wonders of the World".

(Which, by chance, is reviewed on my website Pay The Reckoning. Oh, goodness me! Is that a plug? Ah, well ... one plug out of 69 Challenge!s isn't bad, is it? Anyway, give it a visit fellow challenge!rs and let me know what you think. I *hope* that at least some of the stuff will be right up your street.)

Here goes ... clears throat ... and away!

Come, listen to the story of two famous porker-ums
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
I hope that you'll stick with it, cos it really is a corker-um
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
O-roger-um, o-roger-um
Skinny-ma-link-a-doodle-um, o-roger-um

First to get a mention is a certain nasty piggy-um
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
For laws regarding property he didn't give a fig-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
O-roger-um, etc

He busted and he shattered, trashed and vanadalised-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
Law enforcement officers surrounded and surprised-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
O-roger-um, etc

They carted piggy off and they threw him into jail-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
The trial judge, he heard the case and granted piggy bail-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
O-roger-um, etc

Let me introduce another pig into the story-um
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
He's good and clean and pure and he's bathed himself in glory-um
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
O-roger-um, etc

This little piggy-wig is a truly righteous hog-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
When his owner was attacked, he behaved like a guard dog-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
O-roger-um, etc

Fate, it seems, conspired to ensure the pigs would meet-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
They faced each other off in the middle of the street-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
O-roger-um, etc

Good and bad find it hard to co-exist-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
Sooner or later one will use the fist-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
O-roger-um, etc

And so it came to pass that in the village square-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
The villagers were treated to sight so very quare-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
O-roger-um

The victor emerged, dripping sweat and blood-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
His cruelly-beaten challenger, face-down in the mud-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
O-roger-um, etc
The bad little piggy-wig had triumphed o'er the good-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
What did you expect, this isn't Hollywood-ium!
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
O-roger-um, etc.

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15 Nov 01 - 08:56 AM (#593121)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: MMario

HA-ha-HA! What did you expect, this isn't Hollywood-ium!

My laugh muscles hurt!

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15 Nov 01 - 09:06 AM (#593128)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Amos

Clifton and Derry:

These are both absolutely smashing! You guys have RARE TALENTS!! lmao. Thanks for the lift!!!

A

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15 Nov 01 - 09:10 AM (#593132)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Áine

Why thank you, dear Amos and MMario, I blush in your general direction ;-)

Upon repeated perusal of my song offering, I realize that I should make a note of pronunciation in re javelin' -- I shortened the word javelina, which is particularly mean and nasty species of wild pig in Texas, one which we Texicans are fond of hunting. And since it's a Spanish word, the 'j' is pronounced like an 'h'. So, it comes out (of my mouth, anyway) sounding like 'have-ah-leen-ah'.

Now, pedantancy over with (thank goodness!), here are this morning's batch of Silver B.L.O.B.s:

To Clifton53 for this set of lines, which reflect his excellent song in toto:

I know what it means to be a swine
This whole town is freakin' mine
I don't care what the neighbors say
I'm gonna run things, gonna have my way
I'm tough and quick and nasty, and I'm mean
Prime southern pork, purely porcine

And to derrymacash, for the spittoon filling verse:

The victor emerged, dripping sweat and blood-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
His cruelly-beaten challenger, face-down in the mud-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
O-roger-um, etc
The bad little piggy-wig had triumphed o'er the good-ium
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
What did you expect, this isn't Hollywood-ium!
Glory hallelujah, o-roger-um
O-roger-um, etc.


Fantastic, the pair of you!!

-- Áine

---

15 Nov 01 - 09:24 AM (#593148)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Jack the Sailor

Gosh! thanks Bobert! Yeah go ahead and steal, I stole the tune, you can steal the rest. These challenges are fun way to stretch your songwriting and satire muscles. Aine, our fearless leader is about as nice as a cyberfriend can get! Welcomme to mudcat Cheers!

---

15 Nov 01 - 10:10 AM (#593181)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Áine

Not that I'm waxing pedantic (again), don't ya know; but, I found a great picture of a javelina for my darlin' Challenge!rs that might not have met one up close and personal . . . Enjoy!

-- Áine

---

15 Nov 01 - 10:32 AM (#593209)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Kim C

MMArio, the Charlotte's Web family is the Zuckermans. And the song was something about Zuckerman's Famous Pig. Yes, the pig was Wilbur, the little girl was Fern, and the rat was Templeton. (a fair is a veritable smorgasbord...) One of my favorite movies as a wee lassie. My big brother read me the book too. I had the record album (yes, a record album!) and it opened up into a pop-up thingy and had little paper figures to go with it. Big stuff for a 6-year-old.

I don't know what became of the record album, but a few years ago I did treat myself to a copy of the video.

Great songs, y'all. I'll never look at piggies quite the same... of course, I did rent "Hannibal" a few weeks ago and that already got me thinking...

Actually Mister told me one time that pigs would eat people if given the opportunity. I called him a baldfaced liar, saying that "Arnold Ziffle would never eat anybody!" He said, oh no, when I was little and we went to Grandpa's farm, they told us to stay away from the pigs. Once they knock you down, forget it.

Nope, I said. Arnold would never do that.

Then I read "Co. Aytch," a memoir by Sam Watkins, who fought in the Army of Tennessee in the Civil War. He talks about the pigs rooting around in the corpses on the battlefield.

And then... horror of horrors.... I had to admit to my husband that he was right and I was.... Not Right. :-)

Oink.

---

15 Nov 01 - 10:36 AM (#593215)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: MMario

see? I told you I got Arnold and Wilbur confused...can't even get their last names straight.

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15 Nov 01 - 10:39 AM (#593218)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Kim C

Well, wasn't Wilbur also the name of Mr. Ed's owner?

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15 Nov 01 - 10:46 AM (#593226)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: MMario

And Ed was also the guy on whatever that show was with the moose on main street.

my god how the threads can drift!

---

15 Nov 01 - 10:52 AM (#593232)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Jack the Sailor

The whole story here

Well you know Bubba and Babe and that famous pig Porky.
A pig may be chubby a pig may be dorky.
But do you remember?
This protective family member?

Arnold the crime figh-ting pig
Had a very shiny snout
And if he ever touched you
You would want to kick him out

All off the police officers
Drop right in and pet this hog
They even prefer Arnold
To a normal police dog

Cause one fatefull february
a mugger came to curse
to his owner, Becky Moyer
I'm gonna steal your purse

Then piggy Arnold bit him
A bite that he could not ignore
While Axel Squaled beneath the table
Arnold was the uber Boar

Then all the police officers
gave him that crime fighting name
Arnold the crime figh-ting pig
"Cops" will never be the same

Now he's on "Law and Order"
Lenny's got a new car mate
Babe is gonna be a D.A.
Isn't Television Great!

He's not the "Special Victims"
Or on "Criminal Intent"
He'll put the bite on muggers
He'll catch those crooks to pay the rent

He's a pig investgator
He can see through alibis
No crook can keep from talking
Once they get in Arnold's sty

(outro to the tune of "feelings")
Squealing, Yes the crooks are squealing
Just like a Pigggggggggg...!


html link fixed by mudelf ;-)

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15 Nov 01 - 10:57 AM (#593239)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Jack the Sailor

Hi folks, I thought that Arnold deserved a song of his own. Next to the Toddy Cat his is my favourite challenge animal.

MMario, Zimmerman is Bob Dylan's real name is it not? I know there is a joke in there somewher I just can't seemto root it out.

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15 Nov 01 - 11:44 AM (#593295)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Aidan Crossey

KimC's little snippet about the "homovore" tendencies of pigs has (perhaps unfortunately) sparked off this latest creation ... God help us all!!

(It's to the tune of "The Golden Wedding")

Way down in the County Kerry
Near a place they call Tralee
My da lived in a cottage
Which overlooked the sea
For all his life he'd struggled
He'd all his life been poor
So to supplement his income
He reared himself a boar

CHORUS
He was big and fat and hairy
He weighed near half a ton
He'd eat from dawning of the day
Till setting of the sun
But I'll have his balls for breakfast
This time he's gone too far
At twenty past I'll break my fast
On the pig that ate my da

I'd come down off the mountain
To have a spree in town
In my jacket pocket
I had seven hundred pounds
I started drinking Friday
The weekend came and went
Monday found me trudging home
With all my money spent

CHORUS

When I came up the pathway
I sensed something was awry
No smoke leaked from the chimney
To stain the wintry sky
I upped my pace and sprinted
I screamed out in surprise
Nothing could have readied me
For the sight that met my eyes

CHORUS

The piggy he was banished
Into his piggy stye
From whence he contemplated me
With his pink and piggy eye
As I wept bitter tears above
The bones of my dear sire
Stripped of flesh and sinew
By that lover of the mire

CHORUS

"What's your mitigation?"
The piggy then replied
"You hadn't long gone down the road
When your poor oul' father died
As the hunger it came over me
I knew there'd be no swill
Your dad looked appetising
I soon devoured my fill"

CHORUS

It gave me satisfaction
To watch that piggy fret
As I dialled up the number
Of the local village vet
The despatch was quick and painless
The butchery complete
I'll breakfast on his rashers
And I'll dine on his boiled feet!

CHORUS

---

15 Nov 01 - 12:21 PM (#593327)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: SharonA

Áine: Thank you very kindly for the Golden B.L.O.B. ...even if it – and me – are dingy and dang-darned *sniff* *wahhh* ;^)

Jack: Now you've got me picturing the "Charlotte's Web" book illustrations with Bob Dylan in place of the little girl Fern! *shudder*

---

15 Nov 01 - 12:44 PM (#593339)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Jack the Sailor

Long ago, far away, in a town called Hipping, Minnesota, there was a little boy named Robert Zimmerman and he had a pig. Bobby and his pig were the best of friends, they'd laugh and play and cavort ("cavort". . . I always wanted to use that word.) around the stye, little piggy was the apple of Bob's eye.

One day Bobby was rummaging around the trash can and found an old guitar. Being a clever little boy he took some wires out of the screen on the porch door put em on the old guitar and tuned DAGDAG. He played and played and after a while, the pig, not wanting to feel left out started to sing. The singing was high pitched and droned a bit. But it was pretty good for a pig.

Years later a reporter ask Bob about his influences and Bob related this story. "That explains a lot." The reporter said.

---

15 Nov 01 - 12:57 PM (#593355)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Áine

Here's another Silver B.L.O.B. for Jack the Sailor (Am I right in assuming that the tune to your song is 'Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer'?), for these wonderful lines (referencing my favourite TV show):

Now he's on "Law and Order"
Lenny's got a new car mate
Babe is gonna be a D.A.
Isn't Television Great!

And derrymacash, a chara chóir, has earned a Golden B.L.O.B. himself with these righteously raucous ruminations (!):

"What's your mitigation?"
The piggy then replied
"You hadn't long gone down the road
When your poor oul' father died
As the hunger it came over me
I knew there'd be no swill
Your dad looked appetising
I soon devoured my fill"

Now, Aidan, my dear, if you could only translate this song of yours into the Irish (compleat with internal rhymes and appropos alliteration), I would personally come to your house and do a 'fry' of Jimmy D. Pork Sausage and eggs for ya! (. . . and I know how to do it, too!) ;-)

-- Áine

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15 Nov 01 - 01:44 PM (#593396)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: SharonA

Jack: Hahahahahaha!

derrymacash: I don't see the connection between your last song and the Challenge! Am I missing something? (...or is this musical thread-creep?)

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15 Nov 01 - 01:50 PM (#593400)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Áine

Hey derrymacash -- Don't pay a bit of attention to Miss I've Got Two Golden B.L.O.B.s over there (oh dear, did I just make an extremely embarrassing double entendre???) -- She's just jealous of your G.B.L.O.B. . . . ;-)

And SharonA -- I think derrymacash was using Kim C's comments in her 15-Nov-01 - 10:32 AM post up there as a basis for his song . . . how tangled the threads of Charlotte's Web weave 'round Wilbur and the Challenge!rs . . . ;-)

-- Áine

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15 Nov 01 - 01:50 PM (#593401)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Amergin

I keep trying to figure out what pigs have to do with 69...but I just can't anyone out there help me with this problem that has been bugging me so?

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15 Nov 01 - 01:59 PM (#593407)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: MMario

Derry's latest song has a pig in it! How much more connection do you want? and the pig bit someone, like Arnold did. More connection.

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15 Nov 01 - 02:46 PM (#593437)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Kim C

what's the joke about "Mama died the night the hogs ate Willie"?

I had a pig stick its tongue out at me once. We went to the State Fair, and of course we had to go look at the animals. It was getting late in the evening and most of the piggies were sleepin. I walked up to one (they are in pens, of course) and kneeled down to have a look. He raised his head up and stuck out his tongue.

I thought it rather humorous. Mister said that sticking out the tongue boosts the pig's sense of smell. Makes sense to me - cats do this sometimes too.

oink oink :0)

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15 Nov 01 - 04:25 PM (#593508)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: SharonA

Oh.... Pig. Bite. Stretch. Okay; I get it now!

No, I'm not jealous of derrymacash for his Golden B.L.O.B. I'm jealous of derrymacash for his ability to dash off superlative lyrics at the drop of a hat while I struggle in my garret with reams of scratched-out, crumpled paper all around me.... (You don't believe me? I'll post a digital photo sometime....)

Áine: Double entendre, yes, exactly! An' I ain't sayin' what color my entendres are.

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15 Nov 01 - 04:43 PM (#593523)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: SharonA

(P.S. – derrymacash, my first paragraph above was in response to MMario's post, not your or Áine's explanation of your song. I know it was inspired by Kim C's anecdote; you said so! Excellent work, BTW. Sheesh, it's gittin' so's ye cain't give nobody a good-natured ribbin' no more!)

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15 Nov 01 - 04:47 PM (#593527)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: MMario

aw shucks SharonA - I knew you was just funnin'!

---

15 Nov 01 - 05:09 PM (#593541)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Aidan Crossey

No bother t'ye there, Sharon ... as they say in my neck of the woods.

Aine ... my knowledge of God's own tongue is confined to the odd valediction and greeting. I was bunkin' school the days they did the rest!

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15 Nov 01 - 05:19 PM (#593549)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Jack the Sailor

I'm jealous of the Golden B.L.O.B.!!! But I hope that if I keep at it, eventually I will get a Platinum one!!!

SharonA your volume seems to have slipped a bit but you are still turning out good ones. I admire your patience.

Me, I just try to think of one or two good ideas and stick 'em in a song, the rest is filler. None of this struggling over draft after draft. You can see this in my songs from the ocaisional typo or partial word.

......................

All talking is first draft, Larry Niven

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15 Nov 01 - 05:48 PM (#593566)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: SharonA

Thanks, Jack, and thanks to you too, dmc!

Platinum B.L.O.B., eh? Ooooooh... Aaaaaah...

After that, I guess, would come the double platinum! har har har

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15 Nov 01 - 10:50 PM (#593714)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Deda

This isn't as full a job as I'd like but I wanted to put some kind of an offering on this lovely table. Sorry it's so short. If anybody's tempted to perform it I'll put together another verse. (VBG!!)

Arnold -- tune = Kenny Roger's The Gambler

On a warm summer's evening
Back in old Minnesota
Two thieves were out thievin'
When it got too dark to see

So they took turns a-starin'
Into the darkness of a garage
Till Arnold overtook them
And they began to squeal

Cho: Arnold knows when to fight 'em
Knows when to bite 'em
Knows who to chase away
Knows who to save.
He doesn't pull his punches
When he's facin' down the bad guys
He's a full-sized old pot-belly
Not a little Babe.
(Repeat Chorus)

---

16 Nov 01 - 01:24 AM (#593738)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Clifton53

Thank you Amos.

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16 Nov 01 - 04:07 AM (#593765)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Aidan Crossey

Oh ... and Áine ... a propos your offer of cooking me up a fry of a morning. That's very kind ... but being as how I don't eat meat, the sausages would be wasted. (Mind you there's three other mouths chez derrymacash that would love to wrap themselves around a fry.)

On this subject ... Ciaran Carson in Last Night's Fun goes into some depth musing on the differences between the "free state" and the "Ulster" fry.

You could always fry up a couple of nice fresh eggs, still warm from the hen's arse, and serve them up with a nice thick toasted farl ... with fried spud bread on the side.

But this is another thread, right?

Slán ....

---

16 Nov 01 - 10:33 AM (#593959)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Jack the Sailor

I added a verse and chorus for you Deda

Well the bad guys weren't too thankful
With a pig stuck on their ankles
The cops they came and took them
to the station house to book them

And somewhere near the doughnut shop
You can hear them sing

He knows when to fight 'em (knows when to fight 'em)
Knows when to bite 'em (Knows when to bite 'em )
Knows who to chase away
Knows when to grunt.
He doesn't ask for glory
When he's facin' down the bad guys
He's the porker known as Arnold
He ain't no litter runt

---

16 Nov 01 - 11:22 AM (#593998)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: GUEST,Deda

Thank JTS -- I love it!! Perfect. LOL.

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16 Nov 01 - 11:26 AM (#594001)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: MMario

Deda and Jack! Wonderful!

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16 Nov 01 - 11:30 AM (#594007)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Jack the Sailor

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16 Nov 01 - 12:57 PM (#594085)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Áine

Dear derrymacash -- "On this subject ... Ciaran Carson in Last Night's Fun goes into some depth musing on the differences between the "free state" and the "Ulster" fry." -- Oh, darlin', it would definitely be an "Ulster" fry -- I was taught by one of the best, ya know; the former manager of the Cafe Glas at An Culturlann there on the Falls Road . . . ;-)

Slán, Áine

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16 Nov 01 - 01:29 PM (#594116)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Jack the Sailor

Here is my blatent attempt at the elusive Platinum B.L.O.B. Notice That I have homages to the conversations in this thread and have used another Kenny Rogers song.

Blatent Attempt at Platinum B.l.O.B.
(The Hero of the City)

No one had considered him the hero of the city.
He'd never stood one single time just root in the back yard.
His owner named him Arnold, Her beau gave him to her
To imagine him as pork chops, wasn't very hard.

He was only 21 stone when Miss Moyer was accosted.
They broke into her garage and tried to steal her purse
There's been many strange things in the world of law enforcement
But all the cops will tell this one was a first

Promise for sure not to be a homovore,
Stay away from long pig if you can.
They're ankles may be aching but they'll turn you into Bacon
I hope you're wise enough to understand:
If you bite too much they'll turn you into ham

Here's a great coincidence, his owner's name was Becky
It means I'm gonna have to use this song
One day after the incident Star Tribune came a calling.
They didn't know that hogs could be so doggone strong!

Arnold opened up the door and saw his Becky cryin'.
The fake gun the threatning looks were more than he could stand
He reached the robbers ankles and chomped hard down upon them.
And all of Arnolds chomping turned them into Spam!

Promise for sure not to be a homovore,
Stay away from long pig if you can.
They're ankles may be aching but they'll turn you into Bacon
I hope you're wise enough to understand:
If you bite too much they'll make into you ham

The Robbers didn't laugh when Arnold did attack them.
They said there is a pig in here, there's blood upon the floor
When Arnold turned around they said Hey look old ham hock's chicken
But you could have heard a pork chop when went and locked the door

Twenty Stone of Porker descended to attack them
No way they could stop him he was so doggone fat
He chewed their legs for Becky
and threw them to the mat

And I heard him say,

"I promised for sure not to be a homovore,
I walk away from trouble when I can.
The police don't think I'm weak, It isn't vengance that I seek,
and Papa, I sure know you understand:
I'm starting to enjoy the taste of man

No one had considered him the hero of the city.

second draft cut and pasted and duplicate message deleted per request by mudelf ;-)

---

16 Nov 01 - 04:27 PM (#594227)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Lonesome EJ

Damn, Jack! How many pig-songs does that make? You have enough material for a concept-album there!

Captain Porker never came home
His unborn litter wouldn't ever know him
It's a Piglet, Mrs Porker
It's a piglet!

...from the rock opera Porky

---

16 Nov 01 - 06:39 PM (#594290)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: mousethief

This Pig's Sure From Life's Other Side (tune: Pictures From Life's Other Side)

In the bucolic gall'ry of pictures
Hang scenes from the barnyards of life,
There's pictures of horses and duckies,
There's pictures of cows and of mice,
There's pictures of goats, sheep, and chickens
Old ones and new side by side
All hang on the wall, but the saddest of all,
Are the pictures from life's other side.

Chorus:
This pig's sure from life's other side,
In a mean-trottered, miserly way
He ought to be sliced up and fried,
Instead of out having his way;
Some poor old sow sits at home
She's watching and waiting alone,
Just longing to hear from her piglet so dear,
This pig's sure from life's other side.

The first scene is that of a cop
Holding a pig by its ears
He's frightened for his precious life
Which the 14-stone hog don't hold dear
He's calling for reinforce-ments
As he runs with the pig stride for stride
Then it's up on the trailer, and off to the jailer,
This pig's sure from life's other side.

(repeat chorus)

The next scene is that of two brothers
Two brother pigs, I should say
One bites would-be robbers for fun
One fights the cops in F-L-A
They're on opposite sides of the law
"You copper!" the ornery one cried,
"I wish you were dead!" the mean piggy said,
This pig's sure from life's other side

(repeat Chorus)

Does anyone know as a piglet
Which side of the law he'll be on?
While suckling at his mama's teat
'Fore his piglet innocence is gone?
Oh, what could make such a sweet swine
Fall so low as what can't be denied?
Who gives half a damn? Will you have some more ham?
This wallet's made from that pig's hide.

(repeat Chorus)

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

---

16 Nov 01 - 09:23 PM (#594438)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Áine

Alrightey then, Jack, I give up ;-) Anyone who would try so hard to write a bit o' bull about pigs dang well deserves a Platinum B.L.O.B. -- Mmmmm, kinda puts me in mind of that odd conundrom: "If you raise the bar in a Challenge!, how many pregnant frogs will try to jump over it?" ROTFLMAO with this winning verse:

"I promised for sure not to be a homovore,
I walk away from trouble when I can.
The police don't think I'm weak, It isn't vengance that I seek,
and Papa, I sure know you understand:
I'm starting to enjoy the taste of man

And just so y'all know that JtS' P.B.L.O.B. wasn't just a 'pity thwaaaap', here's a Platinum B.L.O.B. for mousethief for a verse that's worth its metal and required nerves of steel to write:

Does anyone know as a piglet
Which side of the law he'll be on?
While suckling at his mama's teat
'Fore his piglet innocence is gone?
Oh, what could make such a sweet swine
Fall so low as what can't be denied?
Who gives half a damn? Will you have some more ham?
This wallet's made from that pig's hide.

-- Áine (who's going back to play with her rasters and vectors now . . .)

---

17 Nov 01 - 01:48 PM (#594725)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 69
From: Áine

Well, dear Challenge!rs, you've mastered and masticated the meat of this Challenge! Here are your well deserved awards -- Which, of course, this being a Double Dip Dare, are DOUBLED! Each submission wins The Double Dip Copper Cow Chip (with Sprinkles) AND the usual arbitrarily awarded Golden Cow Chip Award. Cudos and congrats to each of you -- this one was a gem!

-- Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

Good Pig Bad Pig by Clifton53
Have You Seen the Little Piggies by Kim C

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

Arnold by Deda and Jack the Sailor
Arnold the Crime Fighting Pig by Jack the Sailor
Theme Green Acres 2001 by Jack the Sailor
Two Fat Pigs by Homeless

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):

Blatent Attempt at Platinum B.l.O.B. by Jack the Sailor
Framed by Jack the Sailor
Those Daring Young Pigs in the News by MMario

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

On Receiving a Pig as a Present by mousethief
The Pig That Ate My Da by derrymacash
Rich Pig, Poor Pig by derrymacash

Winners of the Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Get Around, Little Piglets by Amos
The Pig and the Fussy Brat by SharonA
This Pig's Sure From Life's Other Side by mousethief

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