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14 Nov 01 - 02:29 PM (#592589) Subject: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'Ok let's get this thing started: Two Irishmen were coming out of a pub...it could've happened!! At the pub one night a Welshman bought the house a round...it could've happened!! Q)What do you get by crossing a banjo and a mandolin? A)An instrument so out of tune even the bass player notices! Ok, you get the idea... |
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14 Nov 01 - 02:33 PM (#592593) Subject: RE: Tune Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST,emily b Two peanuts were walking through Central Park. One was a salted. |
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14 Nov 01 - 04:42 PM (#592698) Subject: RE: Tune Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Maxine A penguin asks the barman, "has my brother been in?" The barman says" dunno, what does he look like?" Boom boom... |
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14 Nov 01 - 08:37 PM (#592867) Subject: RE: Tune Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Arbuthnot A sandwich goes into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman says -Go away. We don't serve food. Definition of Australian foreplay - Brace yourself, Sheila |
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14 Nov 01 - 08:51 PM (#592874) Subject: RE: Tune Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: AliUK whats red and white, has three legs, big teeth and hundreds of claws? I dont know either but if you see one, run like f**k. |
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15 Nov 01 - 09:15 AM (#593134) Subject: RE: Tune Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: kendall My doctor refused to give me Viagra, said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building. |
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15 Nov 01 - 09:59 AM (#593171) Subject: RE: Tune Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: The_one_and_only_Dai What's black, white and red, and can't turn round in corridors? A nun with a spear through her head. |
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15 Nov 01 - 10:10 AM (#593180) Subject: RE: Tune Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Raptor What do you do if a folk singer shows up at your door?
Pay him for the pizza! Raptor |
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15 Nov 01 - 10:11 AM (#593184) Subject: RE: Tune Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST,Lionel Have you heard about the judge with no balls? Justice Prick. |
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15 Nov 01 - 10:15 AM (#593191) Subject: RE: Tune Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Midchuck WASP foreplay - drying the dishes for your wife. Jewish foreplay - three hours of begging (The guy who told me that is named Cohen, so I assume there's something to it - unless it's just him.) Peter. |
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15 Nov 01 - 10:23 AM (#593198) Subject: RE: Tune Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Raptor If a man talks in a forest, and there isn't a woman around to hear him Is he still wrong?
I'll just apologise for that one right now. SORRY! Raptor |
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15 Nov 01 - 10:28 AM (#593207) Subject: RE: Tune Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Dave the Gnome Genré - 2 line jokes.
Sub-genré - Questions and answers
Sub-genré - Did you hear? (Still questions but not quite the same!)
Sub-genré - Statements Any more? Cheers Dave the Gnome
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08 Feb 09 - 11:07 PM (#2561386) Subject: RE: Tune Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST what do you call a fish that is missing an eye? a FSH |
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09 Feb 09 - 04:01 AM (#2561458) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST,big andy a man walks into a bar and asks fro a double ontornder so the landlord GAVE HIM ONE |
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09 Feb 09 - 04:21 AM (#2561463) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Stu A horse walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?". What do baby gorillas sleep in? Apricots. |
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09 Feb 09 - 06:35 AM (#2561540) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Georgiansilver The dyslexic blonde who attacked her boyfriend with an iron bra! |
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09 Feb 09 - 06:41 AM (#2561545) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: bubblyrat What's the difference between someone with "green fingers" and an Indian sea-food curry ?? One's a Born Pruner, the other's a Prawn Bhuna. |
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09 Feb 09 - 06:42 AM (#2561546) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Georgiansilver What is the difference between the Whitehall Theatre and a Public Convenience...???? Easy really... the Whitehall Theatre is for Arts and Farces! |
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09 Feb 09 - 06:45 AM (#2561549) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: bubblyrat Oh,and what's the difference between a Magician's Wand, and a Policeman's Truncheon (Nightstick) ?? A Magician's Wand is for Cunning Stunts......... |
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09 Feb 09 - 07:15 AM (#2561564) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Georgiansilver Oh and what's the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl... That's easy too:- The bad marksman shoots but can't hit!!! |
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09 Feb 09 - 07:17 AM (#2561566) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Georgiansilver Ohhhh and what's the difference between a nun in Church and a nun in the bath. The nun in Church has hope in her soul!! |
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09 Feb 09 - 07:18 AM (#2561567) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Georgiansilver Ohhhhhh and what's the difference between 'hard' and 'light'....... You can go to sleep with the light on!!! |
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09 Feb 09 - 08:33 AM (#2561611) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: SINSULL GROAN! take my wife...please! |
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09 Feb 09 - 02:24 PM (#2561969) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Louie Roy The little boy going down the street with his teeny weeny wagon |
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09 Feb 09 - 03:10 PM (#2562030) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Bill D I haven't heard most of these for 50 years... and you missed "What's the difference between a woman running down the street and a sewing machine?" A sewing machine only has one bobbin. |
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09 Feb 09 - 04:53 PM (#2562141) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Don Firth What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and blue? A nun tripping and falling downstairs. Ba-dum-pum!! Don Firth |
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09 Feb 09 - 06:21 PM (#2562216) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Ed T What's green, grows around a house and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels How do you get down off a horse? You don't you get down of a goose. |
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09 Feb 09 - 06:28 PM (#2562222) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Georgiansilver What has one wheel, flies and hums? A wheelbarrow of dung |
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09 Feb 09 - 07:30 PM (#2562267) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST,Dani Who catered the Last Supper? Judas Iscariot |
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09 Feb 09 - 07:35 PM (#2562274) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Louie Roy Whats black and white and red all over A Newspaper |
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09 Feb 09 - 08:45 PM (#2562339) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Joe_F What's the difference between a chambermaid in the daytime and at night? In the daytime she's fair & buxom. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God? If I could do that, I'd *be* God. St Peter, I'm bored. May I try Hell for a while? You're there. How many guacas are there in a guacamole? Avocadro's number. There's a hint of fall in the air. Don't talk with your mouth full. That is true, but it is not important. Importance is not important. Truth is. Masochist: Hurt me! Sadist: No. What has six eyes, but can't see? Three blind mice. Who was Aristotle's purple pupil? Alexander the grape. Why do so many people smoke after intercourse? Inadequate lubrication. I need a man who can say no to me when I talk nonsense. Are you that man? No. inanimate inaminute Sir, my heart belongs to another man. I have never aspired so high as that, Madam. |
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09 Feb 09 - 08:59 PM (#2562347) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: van lingle Buddhist goes up to a hot dog vendor a says make me one with everything. Dog walks into a bar and asks for a drink. Bartender says the toilet's down the hall to the left. What do you call a spiritual medium with really bad breath? A Supercaliforniapsyhicextrahalatosis. |
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09 Feb 09 - 09:01 PM (#2562348) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: van lingle "west coast spiritual..." Drat! |
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09 Feb 09 - 11:39 PM (#2562406) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Don Firth The kid in the paper hat hands Descartes his hamburger and says, "Do you want fries with that?" Descartes says, "I think not." And vanishes. Don Firth |
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10 Feb 09 - 01:50 AM (#2562443) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Neil D Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked. |
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10 Feb 09 - 03:46 AM (#2562456) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Splott Man Two elephants fall off a cliff boom boom! |
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10 Feb 09 - 05:25 AM (#2562493) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: KEVINOAF the difference between a rottweiler & a woman with PMT? lipstick ---------------------------------------------------------------------- the difference between PMT&PLO? you may ger a chance of reasoning with thePLO ---------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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10 Feb 09 - 06:10 AM (#2562520) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Helen Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says: Does this taste funny to you? Two fish are in a tank. One says: You drive and I'll man the guns. Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One says: Does this smell fishy to you? What happens when a duck flies upside down? It quacks up. Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup. Yes sir, it's the hot water that kills them. Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? It looks like the backstroke, sir. Waiter there's a fly in my soup. Yes sir, the chef used to be a tailor. Eye doctor to blonde: Have your eyes been checked before? Blonde: No, they've always been blue! I call these my "groan jokes". Helen |
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10 Feb 09 - 06:33 AM (#2562538) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Georgiansilver What about 'Waiter Waiter, there's a soup in my fly!!!!!!!!' |
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10 Feb 09 - 07:28 AM (#2562576) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: gnomad "Waiter, your thumb is in my soup!" "Don't worry Sir, it isn't very hot." |
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10 Feb 09 - 11:26 AM (#2562787) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Mickey191 Skeleton walks into a bar.. Give me a beer and a mop. |
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10 Feb 09 - 01:50 PM (#2562959) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Don Firth A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke!??" Rim-shot! Don Firth |
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10 Feb 09 - 01:58 PM (#2562967) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: bankley what do you call a musician who breaks up with his girlfriend ? homeless |
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10 Feb 09 - 08:19 PM (#2563338) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: lefthanded guitar What did the folksinger say when he won the $50 million dollar lottery? I'll just keep working til it's gone. |
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10 Feb 09 - 08:55 PM (#2563356) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Joe_F Doctor: Miss Dietrich, have you had a checkup recently? Marlene: No, just a couple of Hungarians. |
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10 Feb 09 - 09:24 PM (#2563373) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Bee-dubya-ell Whaddaya call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick. ----- What did the fish say when he swam into a concrete wall? "Dam!" |
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10 Feb 09 - 10:04 PM (#2563389) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Don Firth Speaking of boomerangs: What's an Irish boomerang? Unlike other boomerangs, it never comes back. But it drinks a lot and sings sentimental songs about how much it wants to. Don Firth |
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12 Feb 09 - 09:52 AM (#2564875) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST,wlisk What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with only 2 legs? Lean beef. A 3 legged dog walks into a bar and says "Alright which one of you guys shot my Pa?" |
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12 Feb 09 - 11:13 AM (#2564948) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Mr Red Louie Roy Whats black and white and red all over A Newspaper that joke doesn't work on folkies younger than 40. I should know - because when I wear black & white and am asked why I say: "same Joke" - and you can't tell young people today.......... |
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12 Feb 09 - 11:33 AM (#2564976) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST,Denzil What's the difference between a chiropodist and a bodhrán player? A chiropodist bucks up the feet and ... |
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12 Feb 09 - 02:30 PM (#2565178) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: MudGuard There are 10 kinds of people. Those who understand binary numbers. And the rest. |
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12 Feb 09 - 04:52 PM (#2565305) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: eddie1 What's the difference between an undersized, oversexed Eskimo and an oversized, undersexed Englishman? On's a frigid midget with a rigid digit, the other's a massive vassal with a passive tassel! What do you call an expert in Oriental martial arts whose father has chronic diorre........ diahre........, dire........, runs? A slap-happy chappie with a crap-happy pappy! What's the difference between a barrow-boy and a dachshund? A barrow-boy bawls his wares on the pavement! Eddie |
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13 Feb 09 - 08:23 AM (#2565822) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Michael Who am I? All my works are wicked and all my wicked works are brought to light
A candle maker |
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13 Feb 09 - 10:17 AM (#2565914) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Nick Three pink elephants walk into a bar just after it opens. The barman says "Sorry lads, he's not in yet" |
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13 Feb 09 - 05:16 PM (#2566291) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Helen What's brown and sticky? A stick. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea. |
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13 Feb 09 - 07:11 PM (#2566379) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Steve Shaw What have Jimmy Edwards and Lulu got in common? They've both got moustaches, except Lulu. |
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13 Feb 09 - 07:23 PM (#2566391) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Ed T There was the plastic surgeon who hung himself. (I posted it a while back, but I still like it) |
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13 Feb 09 - 11:58 PM (#2566516) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Helen Crude alert: sorry! A naked man wrapped in cling wrap plastic goes to the doctor. Doctor says: Don't say anything! I can clearly see you're nuts! What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen. What do you call a woman lying in the middle of a tennis court? Annette. etc etc |
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14 Feb 09 - 12:18 AM (#2566521) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: frogprince ....a quadruple amputee in the swimming pool; Bob ...a guy who dozes off in the hot tub; Stu |
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14 Feb 09 - 12:34 AM (#2566523) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Helen A woodworm goes in to a pub and says, "Is the bartender here?" (sorry, that's only one line, but one of my faves) Did you hear about the hyena which jumped into a pot of boiling water with some onions and made a laughing stock of himself. A man rang up a lawyers firm and said, "Is that Smith, Smith & Smith?" The receptionist said, "No, this is just Smith". "Oh," replies the man, "I'm sorry you've been trebled." |
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14 Feb 09 - 12:25 PM (#2566806) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Steve Shaw What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who swims the Channel? Clever Dick. |
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14 Feb 09 - 01:48 PM (#2566889) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Mrrzy By the way, these are riddles, I believe, technically not jokes... Pedant alert! |
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14 Feb 09 - 03:24 PM (#2566939) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Steve Shaw "There was the plastic surgeon who hung himself" Anyone else besides me not get it?? |
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14 Feb 09 - 05:42 PM (#2567031) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Helen I don't get it either, Steve. I thought it was just me. Helen |
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14 Feb 09 - 06:02 PM (#2567049) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Don Firth Well, I got it. I guess I just have that kind of mind. . . . Don Firth |
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14 Feb 09 - 09:36 PM (#2567154) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Joe_F Why is it better to fall into a vat of acid than a vat of molten optical glass? Because it is better to be part of the solution than to make a spectacle of yourself. |
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14 Feb 09 - 10:19 PM (#2567165) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: RangerSteve I didn't get the Plastic Surgeon joke either. |
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14 Feb 09 - 10:22 PM (#2567166) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Big Mick Damn ..... Is there no hope for me???? ..... I got it right away ...... think of what hangs on a bloke ........ |
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15 Feb 09 - 12:03 AM (#2567204) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Helen Big Mick, That reminds me of the one major thing I learned when teaching adolescent/young adult (future tradesmen) males. I think if I flipped a dictionary to any random page and picked a random word with a pin then they could make it into a joke relating it to male genitals. So why didn't I get that joke? Because it has been 5 years since I taught classes of young males, so I must be out of practice pre-empting the way they think. Anyway, back to the topic. (These don't fit the definition of two-line jokes either, but they're puns.) I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing. If you give some managers an inch they think they're a ruler. Helen |
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15 Feb 09 - 08:35 AM (#2567391) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Georgiansilver So how 'well hung' is the plastic surgeon now???? |
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15 Feb 09 - 09:21 AM (#2567414) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Michael Polystyrene balls? Mike |
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15 Feb 09 - 10:13 AM (#2567442) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Ed T Though commonly used interchangably, mostly accepted English use is that it's hanged for people who are killed by hanging, and hung for everything else. For the purpose of this joke, the surgeon did not kill himself by hanging, but did get a membership in the "well hung club", following the procedure:). Don't feel bad, most folks don't get this joke for awhile....that's why it's a favourite of mine. |
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15 Feb 09 - 07:28 PM (#2567883) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Steve Shaw I'm beginning to get it, but, dammit, the moment has passed... |
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15 Feb 09 - 07:50 PM (#2567889) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Jane of 'ull Dyslexic homosexuality. The love that can't spell its name. |
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15 Feb 09 - 07:56 PM (#2567893) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Steve Shaw Hahah, nice one, Jane. Best yet! |
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15 Feb 09 - 08:25 PM (#2567913) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Joe_F I had the answer right under my nose. Then I blew it. |
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15 Feb 09 - 08:37 PM (#2567918) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: TRUBRIT Sorry - I don't get it. What is soft and yellow and goes round and round? A long playing omelet!!!!!! (age alert on this one) What goes clop clop, bang bang, clop clop? An Amish drive by shooting |
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16 Feb 09 - 01:34 AM (#2568013) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Helen Ed T, Most of my favourite jokes are the ones which a lot of people don't get straight away. So my favourites so far posted to this thread, for that reason, are: Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One says, "Can you smell fish?" A woodworm goes into a pub and asks, "Is the bartender here?" Did you hear about the tap dancer? He fell down the drain. (The last one is particularly useful in the company of our American friends because they don't call them taps, they call them faucets.) It's the pun-ny ones I like the most. Helen |
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16 Feb 09 - 05:20 AM (#2568073) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: KEVINOAF what"s the difference between a pigeon and an investment banker? A PIGEON C AN STILL LEAVE A DEPOSIT ON NEW FERRARI ! |
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16 Feb 09 - 09:43 PM (#2568778) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Don Firth Not a two liner, but. . . . Knock knock.Vast numbers of people would never get this, but if you're familiar with the music of composer Philip Glass, it's a real knee-slapper. Clicky. Don Firth |
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07 Mar 09 - 10:07 PM (#2583646) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST,ForlornAppalachianBoy What's the difference between an epileptic corn-husker and a hooker with diarrhea?? The corn-husker shucks between fits... |
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24 Sep 09 - 10:46 AM (#2730418) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST,Jessica Rember when you used to blow bubbles when you were little? well bubbles said hi |
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24 Sep 09 - 11:14 AM (#2730431) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Bryn Pugh The difference between a seagull and a diarrhetic baby? A seagull flits all over the shore . . . and a diarrhetic baby doesn't. |
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24 Sep 09 - 11:17 AM (#2730435) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Bryn Pugh The difference between love and Gordon Brown ? Love is Cupid's stunt and Gordon Brown isn't. |
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24 Sep 09 - 11:18 AM (#2730436) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Bryn Pugh What's the best way of keeping flies out of your kintchen ? Keep a bucket of shit in the hall. |
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24 Sep 09 - 12:58 PM (#2730515) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: bankley or keep Gordon Brown in the hall.... |
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24 Sep 09 - 11:01 PM (#2730861) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Joe_F "No sign of the missing oscilloscope, but the cops say they have a couple of leads." "I hope that doesn't trigger a sweep of the neighborhood." |
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25 Sep 09 - 05:35 PM (#2731411) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Splott Man A bass drum and a cymbal fell off a cliff. b-boom... tshhhhhh! |
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26 Sep 09 - 01:20 AM (#2731604) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: MGM·Lion A thread above-line about music for dancing reminds me of the oldie [before The Twist led 45 years ago to the antisocial form of dancing among young people now current - the poor little dears don't know what they are missing - I shall not spell out the obvious comparison!]— What is the definition of dancing? A naval engagement without loss of seamen. |
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26 Sep 09 - 03:43 AM (#2731648) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Michael A phycisist's definition of sex:- A couple oscillating in a field |
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26 Sep 09 - 10:01 PM (#2732176) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Joe_F A millihelen is the amount of facial beauty required to launch one ship. A microhelen is the amount required to arouse one sailor. |
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27 Sep 09 - 09:37 PM (#2732832) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Gurney What's the difference between a good vacuum cleaner and a Swiss admiral? A good vacuum cleaner sucks, and never fails, |
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28 Sep 09 - 03:32 AM (#2732927) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Micca What is the difference between Noahs Ark and Joan of Arc One is made of Gopher wood the other is Maid of Orleans ? confused? Try saying it aloud!! |
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28 Sep 09 - 05:41 AM (#2732985) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: MGM·Lion What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff What do you call a man who's been buried for 2000 years? Pete What did one road say to the other road? Meet you at the corner. What did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll give these two a lift. What is the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman? Snowballs What did the mouse say as he screwed the female elephant? Suffer, bitch! |
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28 Sep 09 - 05:49 AM (#2732991) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: MGM·Lion What is green and grows and has five legs? Grass. (I was lying about the five legs.) |
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28 Sep 09 - 06:31 AM (#2733009) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Bryn Pugh The difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat? A goldfish can muck about in a fountain and a mountain goat can't. |
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28 Sep 09 - 09:09 AM (#2733101) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: MGM·Lion What did the big rose say to the little rose? Hiya, Bud. |
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28 Sep 09 - 09:30 AM (#2733123) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: RobbieWilson What did the snail say to the slug? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?big issue! |
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28 Sep 09 - 12:59 PM (#2733292) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: MarkS Did the hydrogen atom know for sure he had lost an electron? Yeah, he was positive. |
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14 Aug 14 - 05:47 PM (#3651046) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST always wondered where the sun went at night, then it dawned on me. |
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14 Aug 14 - 08:06 PM (#3651087) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Steve Shaw "Doctor, I'm having terrible trouble pronouncing my Fs and THs!" "Well you can't say fairer than that then..." |
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15 Aug 14 - 02:10 AM (#3651124) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Teribus "How's the wife?" "Compared to what?" |
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15 Aug 14 - 03:51 AM (#3651136) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Mr Red the surgeon joke fails because the more likely humour would come from "well hung" which would make the joke gratuitous. Just shows "different strokes (sic) for different folks". Like the architect that had his house made backwards, so he could watch the TV. it is a phonetic pun. You either see it or you don't. But IMNSHO is funnier than the surgeon joke. Isn't humour deflated when you try to analyse it? Unless you are inventing a humourus piece, then the joy is in weaving a tapestry of jokettes into an hilarious guffaw. Well I try with my songs. Imagine what you can do with "My Love is Like a Chocolate Box". |
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15 Aug 14 - 08:44 AM (#3651200) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Steve Shaw Bad news and good news ones have to stretch the rule slightly, but, if you keep 'em brief... (Doctor to patient who's just come round) Bad news - I've had to amputate both your legs... Good news: the bloke in the next bed wants to buy your slippers... |
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15 Aug 14 - 09:36 AM (#3651218) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST Did anyone tell you about people who indulge in word play? They sure do get up to semantics. |
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15 Aug 14 - 12:32 PM (#3651245) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: Claire M Hiya!! What's the difference between a useless archer & a constipated owl?? 1 shoots but can't hit…… |
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15 Aug 14 - 02:00 PM (#3651261) Subject: RE: Req: Two line jokes...good ones! From: GUEST Claire M: See Georgiansilver, 09 Feb 09 - 7:15 AM |