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05 Dec 01 - 10:20 AM (#604209) Subject: I waz wondering From: Raptor Cats always land on thier feet! Buttered bread always lands buttered side down! So if you buttered the back of a cat and dropped him whatwould happen? Raptor |
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05 Dec 01 - 10:24 AM (#604213) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Bert It would land on the ceiling of course. |
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05 Dec 01 - 10:34 AM (#604223) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: mooman You would have to visit the emergency room to be treated for severe lacerations and call in the furniture steam-cleaning experts. mooman (who tried this experiment once) |
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05 Dec 01 - 11:46 AM (#604251) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Fibula Mattock this was definitely discussed in a previous thread, but here's the answer anyway.. When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system. The theory is refined thus: In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula: p = s * t(t)/tc where p is the probability of carpet impact, s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research. Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet.
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05 Dec 01 - 12:09 PM (#604266) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: mousethief And people say *I* have too much time on MY hands. Alex |
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05 Dec 01 - 12:14 PM (#604273) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: catspaw49 Geeziz......Unbelievable. But it's fun trying to conjure up the image of trying to strap a piece of toast to a cat! If you've had much experience trying to give them a pill then you can imagine the toast. The worst thing I ever had to do was give a cat a liquid......even worse than pills. I had a cat with bowel problems and my vet suggested a 1/2 teaspoon of gasoline fer chrissake! I admit that I thought the guy was nuts, but it did work, sorta. It ain't too easy to get a half teaspoon of gasoline down a cat's throat, but when I did, he liked to tore me to shreds getting away. He blasted around the room about 3 or 4 times, ran up the hallway, up the stairs, back down both, and into the den, leaped on the drapes and ran to the end of the curtain rod where he stopped and fell to the floor. I thought I'd killed the poor thing, but it turns out he'd just run out of gas. Spaw |
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05 Dec 01 - 12:25 PM (#604277) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Fibula Mattock oh dear, oh dear, oh dear... And I thought it was going to end with a "how do you make a cat go woof?" joke (answer: soak it in petrol and throw a match at it). |
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05 Dec 01 - 01:51 PM (#604337) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Jim Dixon The other day I saw my cat lying on the couch, in a totally relaxed state, with his backbone twisted about 180 degrees. To give you an idea: his head was pointed west, his tail was pointed east, his forelegs were pointed north, and his hind legs were pointed south. The midpoint of his belly was pointed toward the ceiling. Given such talents, I'm sure he could find a way to land on his feet with the butter side down. |
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05 Dec 01 - 01:55 PM (#604344) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Bert Hee - Yerright Jim, our neighbors cat lies like that all the time. |
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05 Dec 01 - 02:16 PM (#604366) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: SharonA Actually, the butter-side-down phenomenon has everything to do with the aerodynamics of the type of bread product used (Wonder Bread, for instance, tends to flip over more easily than does a Lender's bagel). A cat, on the other hand, has virtually the same probability of landing on its feet regardless of age, size or breed. Buttering the cat would not affect its ability to land feet-first, though it would increase the ease with which it would first wriggle out of one's arms. The cat, therefore, would land on its feet, give itself a good washing to get the butter out of its fur, and cough up a hairball into your shoe. |
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05 Dec 01 - 05:47 PM (#604504) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Noreen Hey Spaw, did you know my Grandad? That was his favourite joke... when I was about 5... |
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06 Dec 01 - 03:43 AM (#604780) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Steve Parkes The "butter-side down" thing is a special case of Sod's Law, while the feet-first thing is a special dispensation of the God of Cat-kind. It's not a good idea to mix natural and supernatural laws; the only thing you can guaratee is that it'll end in tears! Anyway, Sod's Law is recursive: if you try to make you bread land butter-side down, it won't do it. Seriously, now: don't try and feed gasoline to your cat; regardless of whether the cat kills you, you'll certainly kill the cat. I kid you not. Steve |
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06 Dec 01 - 04:30 AM (#604790) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: mooman Actually I like Fibula's idea of a national monorail system based on a levitation system of cats, chicken tikka masala and white shag pile carpet as there is an abundance of all of these commodities in the UK. mooman |
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06 Dec 01 - 04:58 AM (#604795) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Fibula Mattock Cool. I wonder if there's a way of working mobile phone ringtones into the equation - there's far too many of them about for my liking. |
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06 Dec 01 - 12:36 PM (#604968) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Steve in Idaho I have two barn cats and I think you are missing a piece in your equation in that area. p really doesn't equal anything with those guys. They can't be coaxed into the house with Tuna fish let alone for the buttering!! Doing anything with them is a 2-3 person job. One each to hold each pair of legs and one to minister to their needs. Spring haircuts are the most fun. At least I know I don't have THAT much time on my hands!! For buttering you understand :-) Steve *LOL* |
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06 Dec 01 - 12:41 PM (#604969) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Sorcha Steve, I have one of those, too. She actually lives in the house, but has a BarnCat attitude. It takes 4 people to do anything with her.....one for each set of legs, one for the toothy end and one to actually do the Dirty Deed! I just pray she will never get covered with motor oil or something. I would have to take her to Vet and zonk her out. Either that, or DIE!! |
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06 Dec 01 - 01:16 PM (#604997) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Steve in Idaho Sorcha - Too funny!! We tried to get the cats into the cab of the truck once (thought the vet could knock them out as we were so beat up from trying to give them their annual spring haircut) - it was like watching the motorcycles at the fair in the "Globe of Death!" Their feet never touched the seat but man did they cycle around the perimeter of the truck!! Took some pretty careful timing to open the door back up to get them out - they were pissed for a week after that! LMAO Steve |
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06 Dec 01 - 01:37 PM (#605026) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Kim C Fib, my phone plays Mozart. :-) |
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06 Dec 01 - 02:06 PM (#605075) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: GUEST,bg hi babe |
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06 Dec 01 - 02:08 PM (#605079) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: GUEST,doddy tell me about the blues? |
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06 Dec 01 - 02:17 PM (#605083) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Bert We had a cat once that was a real pain when travelling, she'd be all around the inside of the car, round the back of your neck or front of your face, up under the dash, anywhere she could go. She wasn't in a panic or anything, she just kept moving about. We didn't have a crate for her, and didn't have much room in the car for one anyway, so I put her in an old flour sack and tied it around her neck (She didn't know what was coming the first time so she didn't struggle). First time was OK, she just flopped down on the seat and meowed pitifully all the way. But trying to get her in the sack again for the journey home was quite another story. For a real fun time just try to put a cat in bag when it doesn't want to go in. Took her four or five times before we could get her bagged peacefully. |
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06 Dec 01 - 05:12 PM (#605191) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Liz the Squeak YE GODS!! And I'm just about to acquire two more..... what am I thinking of!!! LTS |
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06 Dec 01 - 07:12 PM (#605288) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall) If you tied 2 cats together, back to back (I'm not suggesting this), what would happen? Rich |
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06 Dec 01 - 07:45 PM (#605308) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: artbrooks Anyone who trys to give a cat a haircut deserves absolutly EVERYTHING that happens to him. |
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07 Dec 01 - 02:21 AM (#605510) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Kaleea Q: How many musicians does it take to butter a cat? Anyone care to venture an "A"? |
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07 Dec 01 - 02:31 AM (#605512) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Lonesome EJ What's amazing to me is that any thread containing the word "cat" is considered justification for Catspaw to roll out that damned cat-out-of-gas joke! I mean, the man has no shame! But, we knew that. |
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07 Dec 01 - 06:42 AM (#605580) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Fibula Mattock Kaleea - A. It depends on how thinly you slice them! |
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07 Dec 01 - 06:43 AM (#605581) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: Fibula Mattock Dammit, Morticia did this joke on another thread. *Sigh* Great minds and all that...! |
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07 Dec 01 - 06:53 AM (#605584) Subject: RE: I waz wondering From: CharlieA Gauntlets - thats the only way to get cats to do anything. I do LARPS as do most of my mates and my housemate. if the cat needs a pill or anything we get out his leather LARPS gauntlets. they are just about cat proof. Cxxx |