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BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!

27 Dec 01 - 08:26 AM (#616957)
Subject: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

Hello, I reckon you cauld get free eclecricty from hamsters by connecting a litte generator to their wheel sometimes they run on it really fast.I got the idea of that bloke who made a wind up radio, I think he was called Jeremy Dyson or something.I dont think you will get much electrity but maybe enough to make a radio or a lighht work I, havent quite figured out exatly how to do it yet but I will think about it in the nect few days,If anybody knows about this knd of thing pleese let me know.kohn

27 Dec 01 - 08:28 AM (#616958)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

Especialy if everybody did this it would save a lot of energy.john

27 Dec 01 - 08:29 AM (#616959)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49

Actually John, that's what powered Bill D's previous computer as well as supplying a part of it's memory and calculation functions. He upgraded about a year and a half or more ago though and I think he gave the hamsters to a local school although he kept the old computer.

Spaw

27 Dec 01 - 09:31 AM (#616970)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Roger in Sheffield

stop eating the hamster food john those hemp seeds are sending you man
I don't have a hamster john and I ain't sure about the economics of this, I get a small amount of free electricity (at night) but have to buy hamster food and ear plugs and look after the hamster

I suggest you do without the Hamster and get a mini wind turbine outside your house, free electricity when the wind blows, and it will annoy the neighbours. How about some solar cells too? Not sure of the value equivalent of solar to hamster in dull rainy Britain
Anyone else hungry?

27 Dec 01 - 09:45 AM (#616977)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49

What about methane? Or perhaps just the passing wind from the farts would be enough to power a small turbine wheel and you could back it up with hamsters. Perhaps you could feed the hamsters a diet high in milk and veggies and capture the hamster farts, thus killing two birds with one stone, although I'd hate to kill a bird as they too might be a source of windpower, although I don't think they fart.

Spaw (lost in a Monty Python mode)

27 Dec 01 - 10:09 AM (#616997)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Morticia

John, have you ever thought of investing in plough horses? Of course, you'd have to adapt the hamster cage a little and I'm not sure that they could live on sunflower seeds alone but I bet they could power a whole flat with a big enough wheel.( Morti,also in MP mode)

27 Dec 01 - 10:09 AM (#616998)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

I thinkm this is agood idea butr nobody has thought about it properly.If this idea takes of the goverment could maybe get rid of power srations (they are bad for the sky) and employ loads of hamsters to make eletricity.

27 Dec 01 - 10:17 AM (#617003)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49

Mortie, I think the idea has merit! Now again, if you combine it with the windpower of a horse's fart to turn an impeller and the accompanying methane as a heat source, you could provide both electricity and heat to a small house I'd think. Heat would be an asset in this manner as it takes a lot of electricity to power the coils in an electric heater, but a methane burning furnace would do the job nicely and save considerably. Since hamsters hibernate in the cold, keeping the house warm would make them available at all times as a backup electrical source for small appliances.

Spaw

27 Dec 01 - 10:19 AM (#617005)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

I have sent an email to Yorkshire Electricity telling them about my idea, I have not had a reply yet.

27 Dec 01 - 10:23 AM (#617007)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49

I'm not surprised............

Spaw

27 Dec 01 - 11:05 AM (#617013)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: JenEllen

Funny John, I had a similar thought once. (Of course, I was sober at the time :) It's cows. I suppose any ruminant would do, but my experience happened to be with cows.

The force of a belch from a bloated cow is enough to blow a baseball cap off of a human head. This could surely be used to power turbines. The methane produced is a terrific natural heating fuel that burns at roughly 200 HPU's (that's hamsters per..) and the projectiles that usually accompany this intestinal outestinal dry very quickly, and to a consistency that would make them perfect for filling in potholes in the street. So you have power, heat, and transportation problems solved. I know people who know math, and this could work.

Now, John, have a cuppa coffee, eh?

27 Dec 01 - 11:10 AM (#617016)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Uncle_DaveO

Don't waste those cowchips on potholes! They're combustible fuel too!

Dave Oesterreich

27 Dec 01 - 11:59 AM (#617030)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Genie

Spaw,
If a bird farts, does that make it a jet-propelled aircraft?

I like your horse's fart w/ impeller idea for "provid[ing] both electricity and heat to a small house," with the hamsters in a symbiotic power-supply back-up relationship.
But how about this: Hook your exercise bike up to a generator, with a fart-catching mechanism attached, too. Then eat a lot of broccoli, beans, etc., and pedal away! Turn off any other source of heat, and you'll be pedaling your arse off (literally) to stay warm and, given the right diet, probably producing a lot of valuable methane to boot.
You might never have to pay for power again!

Genie

27 Dec 01 - 12:13 PM (#617036)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49

Genie, I agree with you. I think we're just beginning to plumb the depths of possibilities here. More research and ideas cannot be far on the horizon. I think John has stumbled (literally) onto something. I just hope he hasn't stepped in it.

Has Yorkshire Electricity sent anyone to your door yet John? They may be wearing white coats. Go with them.

Spaw

27 Dec 01 - 12:23 PM (#617044)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Roger in Sheffield

Genie I think you are on to something with the Broccoli, I can't touch the stuff. The methane output per floret is beyond belief
As always these discoveries can used for good or bad, before you know it there could be Hamster grenades - Hamsters stuffed full of Brocolli

27 Dec 01 - 12:24 PM (#617046)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: wysiwyg

How did the hamsters capture the electricity, and has it been liberated yet? IS dancing involved? Are there Morris-dancing Hamsters?

~S~

27 Dec 01 - 12:25 PM (#617047)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Amos

I agree with Spaw absolutely that we are just beginning to plumb the depths of something. That's for sure. As to what it is we are plumbing, sounds more like large mammals tuh me...

A

27 Dec 01 - 12:45 PM (#617056)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49

Ya' know if the right kind of facility was built, perhaps we could power up all of Hull with manatee power! Individual tanks with a center section making it impossiblefor them to turn around would force them to swim in one direction only and the concurrent current (so to speak) would spin a gear reduced turbine wheel. Enough of these running in series would produce sufficient current to run a city like Hull with an operating expense of only lettuce or other greenery. This would solve the manatee problem and free up all that valuable river and lake territory for 300 HP Bass Boats and jet skis by the thousands! Certainly a noble cause if there ever was one!

Spaw

27 Dec 01 - 12:51 PM (#617062)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Maxine

What about a dead parrot (who mentioned Monty Python mode?) Surely, a rotting parrot must give off heap loads of methane (or similar) However, I really have no idea what I'm talking about....but then it seems neither do any of you crazy lot! John, any news from Yorkshire Leccy Board yet?

27 Dec 01 - 12:54 PM (#617064)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49

I dunno' Maxine.......perhaps the "white coat squad" has already showed up on his doorstep.....

Spaw

27 Dec 01 - 01:01 PM (#617068)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Roger in Sheffield

.....mors likely he has fallen asleep full of beer and is dreaming of hamsters, electricity and more beer

27 Dec 01 - 01:46 PM (#617101)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Maxine

Hey, as long as that's all he's dreaming of, I say, let him sleep. Goodness knows, it sure sounds like he needs it!

27 Dec 01 - 01:52 PM (#617103)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Little Hawk

Well, at last a thread that's actually about something substantial, important and meaningful!

Hamsters are a handy source of electrical generation power, but it requires a rather hefty initial investment...cage, exercise wheel, water bottle, seeds, vitamin drops, bedding...so it takes years before the electrical output returns your investment, and a hamster only lives 2 to 4 years, so the little beast may kick the bucket before your investment is even half paid off!

Now, there's another problem...adult hamsters are solitary. They will endeavour to kill any other hamster they find in their cage. If this were not so, then one could invest in a larger cage with multiple exercise wheels, and really generate lots of power...but the hostile attitude of hamsters toward each other renders this concept unfeasible!

Your hero and mine, Captain James T. Kirk of the starship Enterprise, tried to realize a similar scheme, generating power with tribbles, who require virtually no upkeep (they live on air), and who breed like rabbits only WISH they could.

This idea, however, failed dismally, because it turned out that tribbles are extraordinarily sedentary, sloth-like creatures, content to merely wiggle and squeak every now and then, and entirely unwilling to run on any exercise wheel or similiar power-generating device.

Although it doesn't cost anything to keep tribbles, one doesn't get anything back from them either, it seems, except some light entertainment.

There's a lesson somewhere in all this...

By the way, I NEVER got to see "Hamsterdance", because I came too late to the wonders of the Internet! Does anyone know how I can get to see Hamsterdance? My life will not be complete until I do!

- LH

27 Dec 01 - 02:00 PM (#617106)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49

Yeah, that the "Trouble with Tribbles" ain't it?

Well, things have changed over at the joint, but you can meet the hamsters HERE

Spaw

27 Dec 01 - 02:26 PM (#617126)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Morticia

I'm not ready to give up on horse potential just yet because if you've ever been at the south end of a dobbin just after it's eaten wet hay, you will know that NOTHING, but nothing can produce that much methane and not explode except a horse ( or possibly my brother after a feed of brussel sprouts).Now with a really BIG wheel, and a few tons of wet hay, I reckon we can heat the whole of Hull...of course, John needs to be living in a biggish flat....and live permanantly in a NBC suit and gas mask...but I think it's worth the sacrifice.

27 Dec 01 - 02:26 PM (#617128)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

I have just woken up, i still haven't got a repluy off Yorkshire Electricity.I think they must be closed for the holidays.

27 Dec 01 - 02:59 PM (#617138)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: hesperis

I've seen hamsters dance in REAL LIFE! Now that's impressive.

;)

27 Dec 01 - 03:20 PM (#617145)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Gareth

On the other hand we could ring up a few Sheep as a form of static electicity "Van de Graf" generator.

Just think with Wales wooley back resources we could export the power to the English !

Gareth

27 Dec 01 - 03:29 PM (#617153)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49

I'd really fear that rubbing a sheep would look even worse to the folks at Yorkshire Electricity, but talk about killing two birds with one stone! John could get his electricity on and his rocks off at the same time!

Spaw

27 Dec 01 - 03:33 PM (#617156)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: John MacKenzie

Two thoughts occur to me, the first is that I've heard people say that they had to get up at sparrow fart, when they mean early. So that answers Spaw's question. The other one is about Hamsterdance, did not Max Bygraves sing about "Tulips from Hamsterdance" in a previous lifetime?? Unfortunately Tiny Tim died before he could record "Tiptoe through the Hamsters", undoubtedly a sad loss for the world.
Jock...Scottish branch of the NYHFTTS.

27 Dec 01 - 03:41 PM (#617160)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: katlaughing

Tiny Tim died? When??:-(

Spaw, THIS is the first hamster dance I remember seeing on the Mudcat; shocked the hell outta me 'cause I didn't know how demented ya'll were back then!

kat

27 Dec 01 - 03:46 PM (#617162)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: JenEllen

Well, like I said, I know people who know math, and I have just been informed by the brain trust around the kitchen table that there is a way to 'theoretically' cram hamsters into a cylinder to such a degree that critical mass is attained and when one more is added, viol-a, fusion. Diagrams are being drawn (in crayon) for the folks at Yorkshire Electricity, should the need arise.

27 Dec 01 - 03:50 PM (#617166)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Amos

Demented, aye!!

How about having the hamsters in serial, pursuing the one in front, on treadmills? Their ferocity would increase the output proportionately to the length of the chain. Or, have then run up and down on sheepsback, generating static charges.

This is the nutsiest folk-engineering I have ever seen! I dunno why I even open threads like this!! LOL!!!

A

27 Dec 01 - 04:16 PM (#617188)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: JenEllen

What? And end up with thousands of little hamsters in the clinic suffering from sheep-shock? Cramming them into incredibly tight places is much more humane....

27 Dec 01 - 04:19 PM (#617190)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,Paul

John,

You'd get better efficiency by burning the hamster's food to power a turbine, and doing away with the hamster all together.

About 5 times as much power, I think. I'd have to look at a few books to calculate it more accurately.

Paul

27 Dec 01 - 04:25 PM (#617194)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Devilmaster

Or how bout this....

we put John's and Spaw's entire head into a pipe, and the steam that comes out of their ears thinking up this stuff, would turn a steam turbine.

California's energy woes would be over!

:) steve

27 Dec 01 - 04:30 PM (#617199)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

Well it was only an idea.

27 Dec 01 - 05:05 PM (#617234)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Willa

Hi, John; should have guessed this was your thread! Trevor Bayliss was the chap who developed the wind-up radio. I have one of the wind-up torches that he went on to develop; got it for a Christmas present last year, and it's been very useful. James Dyson invented the bagless vacuum cleaner - I have one of those too. There is a website set up by Trevor Bayliss which you can contact if you have an idea for an invention, but I don't know the address. Yorkshire Electricity won't be very interested in any idea which might 'hamster' their development!! *BG* Happy New Year.

27 Dec 01 - 07:37 PM (#617338)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Amos

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!! That was a close shaving indeed!! Back to the treadmill witcha!!!

A.

27 Dec 01 - 08:06 PM (#617362)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Devilmaster

well, I was just joking John...

What you basically need, is the wheel connected to something that spins.... like an old bicycle speedometer. This is turn needs to crank a small turbine, which runs into a transformer to up the voltage. Then run that into a battery, sorta like a trickle charge. then use that battery to power things. the transformer, (basically a square magnet, with wires wrapped around, will have to be pretty big to turn the small amount of energy from the wheel into something half useful.

Thats about as far as my grade 12 science will take me.

Steve

27 Dec 01 - 08:10 PM (#617364)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: allie kiwi

I was just reading a book about POW's, and in Laufen prison camp during WW2 a guy made a miniature tank that was poswered by two mice running around (as mice do) on a wheel...

Allie

28 Dec 01 - 02:42 AM (#617497)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,Souter

Apparently they used to do that in Belgium with dogs.

28 Dec 01 - 03:20 AM (#617506)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,Neatsfoot

Morticia:
Must agree about the hind end of dobbin
BUT the noble cow BELCHES huge amounts of methane along with her prodigious farts
Don't panic ~ it's organic
Really useful amounts of methane AND topsoil could be harvested from a resource we are currently disposing|discarding @ great expense--human waste ....
The solar|electric equation is getting pretty good in terms of both efficiency and cost
~ if you live in a sunny clime like mine, mb.ca
wind is getting good results too even if it does annoy the neighbours; seems to make sense in less sunny|more windy places [Like Hull?]
What a thread! But let's maintain the levity AND the deeply serious issues.

~ huge fan of the Mudcat forum

28 Dec 01 - 03:34 AM (#617509)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Coyote Breath

Electricity from Hamsters! Burning hamster's food might work, there are pellet stoves are there not? Of course if you burned up all the hamster food what would happen to the poor hamsters, eh? Didn't think of that did you? Oh no it's just perfectly OK to go from enslaving tiny rodents to arbitrarily doing away with their food supply. Is this some sort of hamsterocide thread? Eh? Are you despotic technocrats running out of ideas for the enslavement of mankind and now you have to turn to helpless furry creatures whose soft singing leaves the soul ensoothed? What gall! I am completely unhinged by the entire concept.

I DO wish Toby hadn't eaten that last biscuit. hard to keep body together much less soul.

guns...hamsters.. it'll be squeezing the oil from old orange peels next or knicker recycling. CB

28 Dec 01 - 07:23 AM (#617552)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49

Well Coyote Breath, I DID cover some recycling, Christmas Tree recycling to be exact, when I told the tale of how I met Cletus, Paw, and Buford.

Spaw

28 Dec 01 - 08:17 AM (#617562)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: MudGuard

Devilmaster, a transformer will not help in gaining energy. On the contrary, it will loose some electrical energy and produce some heat.

What it will do is (depending on how it is used) either reduce amperes and increase voltage or viceversa - except for the heat loss the product of amperes and voltage is the same on both ends of a transformer.

And instead of using such a complicated mechanism as you suggest (connect the wheels to something that spins), it would be much easier to use a bicycle hub dynamo and build the hamster treadmill from that - this will reduce mechanical loss of energy (friction --> heat) to a minimum. If the treadmill has a diameter the same as a bicycle wheel (28") the weight of a hamster is enough to start the thing turning - I know because I got such a bike hub dynamo in my little bicycle.

And if you use instead of lightbulbs some of the new super-bright LEDs you can get quite a lot of light out of a little hamster.

28 Dec 01 - 08:41 AM (#617564)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Noreen

*grin*...I think John may have to get a new hamster cage to house a 28" exercise wheel!

28 Dec 01 - 08:45 AM (#617565)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: MudGuard

He could do it the other way round - just put meshwire (or whatever the stuff is called) between the spokes and use the treadmill as cage...

28 Dec 01 - 03:32 PM (#617719)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Dicho (Frank Staplin)

The vegans complain about the contibution to greenhouse gases and planetary warming by cattle. Now if we take all the cattle and compare their output with that of all the humans- especially those on a vegetarian diet- what would the comparative figures be?
Now we are talking about harnessing real volumes of energy- much more economic than running poor little hamsters to death.

28 Dec 01 - 04:21 PM (#617750)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: John MacKenzie

Save gas....Fart in a bottle..

28 Dec 01 - 07:00 PM (#617819)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Little Hawk

I have now seen Hamsterdance. I don't know whether to thank Spaw or instruct my dachshund to pee on his geraniums and dig up his lawn...

I have also seen a site where you get to kill dancing hamsters. Pretty tasteless stuff. Killing teletubbies is another matter...I can relate to that.

- LH

28 Dec 01 - 07:06 PM (#617823)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49

Well Hawk, there's always THIS instead.

Spaw

28 Dec 01 - 07:11 PM (#617826)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Devilmaster

Spaw, I think its time to learn a new instrument.....

you got WAY too much time on your hands my friend. :)

Steve

28 Dec 01 - 07:28 PM (#617831)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Bill D

don't you folks know that the cow fart/belch idea has been around for ages now, and is really taken seriously in some parts? Well, granted...this story deals with the end product of bovine processes, but still...

and, some are worried that the cows may want to have a say in the matter...beware!

but, if you'd like to go into the matter seriously, here are the calculations ......hey! don't be lighting that match while reading this thread! You wanta blow us all to Hull?

28 Dec 01 - 07:31 PM (#617833)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Little Hawk

Oh, fer gawd's sake! Now I'm the one who's feeling queasy...

Never knew that "Plastic Jesus" had that many verses.

Hamsterdance was torture, but this is hell!

- LH

28 Dec 01 - 07:35 PM (#617835)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Bill D

by the way, John...sorry but you are way too late....Hamster power is already being researched...*grin*

28 Dec 01 - 07:40 PM (#617837)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Bill D

but, who says the Hamsters would even cooperate! The hamster heirarchy and Satanic influences may be way beyond our poor power to influence their habits!

28 Dec 01 - 07:40 PM (#617838)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Little Hawk

Sick. Absolutely sick. This is the sort of thing that causes hamsters to lose sleep during the day and chew on the cage bars into the wee hours of the night.

- LH

28 Dec 01 - 07:41 PM (#617839)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: gnomad

Stolen caption from Private Eye cartoon (this week's edition) "What do you mean, you hid your cocaine supply in the hamster's cage?"

Cartoon suggests that this may give extra output but even with bulk buying I'm unsure of the commercial viability, unless you can get a regular army of people all hiding their supplies in the same place maybe?

28 Dec 01 - 07:43 PM (#617841)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Amos

I must be telepathic or sumpn -- I'm feeling like that myself, right now!!!

28 Dec 01 - 07:50 PM (#617846)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49

Ya' know if Bin Laden gets wind of all this we could be in real trouble. They've already proven you can kill thousands with box cutters and if he equips his operatives with a hamster-powered toaster and a box of Pop-Tarts, I don't know how we can stop them from wreaking havoc all over.

Spaw

28 Dec 01 - 07:51 PM (#617848)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Bill D

,~~v~~,

,'. .',

=== + ===

/ ~ \

/\_m m_/\

.\ /.

/ \

/ \

`\m/ \m/'

28 Dec 01 - 07:54 PM (#617853)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Melani

I am completely out of luck with this. We have rats, and unlike hamsters, which are notoriously stupid, adult rats refuse to use exercise wheels, because by the time they're a couple of months old, they have figured out that they're not going anywhere. I guess I'll just have to keep working on that solar panel.

28 Dec 01 - 08:28 PM (#617864)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Dicho (Frank Staplin)

Bill D, those UNEP methane figures are one-sided propagandic nonsense. Where, I ask you, are the comparative figures for vegetarian humans? Polecats? Catspaw?

29 Dec 01 - 11:27 AM (#618082)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Bill D

soon as catspaw gits off his butt from in front of the 'puter so samples can be taken, serious research will begin..Polecats, I imagine will be negligable in comparison. Perhaps YOU would care to take on that part of the project...*grin*....

Vegetarian humans may be too anal-retentive for inclusion in the study...*ducking & running*

29 Dec 01 - 01:02 PM (#618116)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Amos

Spaw:

While I see the reason for your concern about Kelloggs' providing new armament for terrorist attacks, I think we can rest easy here. There are no small schools in business in the US providing instruction in opening the complex wrappers.

A

29 Dec 01 - 03:21 PM (#618192)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Hollowfox

If free electricity from hamsters is newsworthy, I have one question: how much do hamsters usually charge per kilowatt hour?

29 Dec 01 - 04:56 PM (#618227)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,Bardford

Right. And where would they send gerbil?

29 Dec 01 - 05:18 PM (#618236)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Little Hawk

That flaming strawberry pop tart in the toaster device is a scary one indeed! What if Bin Laden's fanatics should succeed in positioning one under Dubya's Oval Office chair...or his bed...or in his toilet bowl? This is a dire threat if ever I've heard of one, and I hope the Secret Service is working night and day on doing something about it!

Melani - So hamsters are "notoriously stupid", are they? Well! You're going to be getting some nasty responses from some furry little faces around here, lemme tell ya!

I asked the resident hamster why they, unlike rats, continue using their excercise wheels, month after month, year after year. He says it's because "rats are quitters". Boy, is he ticked off at you...

- LH

29 Dec 01 - 05:52 PM (#618257)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Amos

Rats are QUITTERS!!!??

ROFLMAO, Little Hack!!

A

29 Dec 01 - 10:04 PM (#618359)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Ian Darby

Those Hamsterdance Chaps, I love the way they stare straight ahead and keep their arms at their sides whilst jigging around looking mildly constipated.

Before I go any further, if Michael Flatley intends to take up a career(?) in boxing, how's he going to go on if he's never learnt to use his arms.

Picture the scene, "Seconds away. Round one." Cue music.. (Bhodran & Fiddle.) Diddly Diddly Diddly, SMACK! Diddly Diddly Diddly, SMACK! "And Tyson's tiring," Diddly, Diddly, Diddly, SMACK! "Flatley's just got his flute out and is playing an air for his mother.... Tyson looks confused, he doesn't seem to be able to work out what key Flatley's in....."

Returning to the thread, I personally prefer the energy generating qualities of centipedes* but as a general rule of thumb, their length should not exceed that of half the circumference of the wheel.

If it matches the circumference then they just go round and round and the wheel remains stationary. Then again, I find them to be sullen, lazy creatures and very difficult to motivate. Trying to get electricity from these beggars is about as easy as milking a frog.

I am also distrustful of any creature which needs more than four limbs to move around. If Spiders looked more like little fluffy dogs or Cats there would be far less phobias in this world. I for one would be happy to leave food out for them. (As long as it wasn't dishes full of flies and moths.)

* Don't use the poisonous ones.

P.S. I haven't actually done any of the above. I made it all up.

P.P.P.S. I meant it about the spiders though.

Happy New Year to all you gentle Mudcats and Mudcatesses, I would also like to apologise in advance.

29 Dec 01 - 10:19 PM (#618364)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49

Ya' know.....Somehow I can't buy off on your Michael Flatley scenario. I think it might be more like:

Picture the scene, "Seconds away. Round one." Cue music.. (Bhodran & Fiddle.) Diddly Diddly Diddly, SMACK! Diddly Diddly Diddly, SMACK! "And Tyson's simply staring" Diddly, Diddly, Diddly, SMACK! "Tyson rushes in and ties up Flatley giving him a quick knee to the groin and biting off half his ear" (Ref separates them and Flatley looks confused) "Flatley's now has his flute out and begins to play an air for his mother.... Tyson lands a right cross and Flatley goes down as Tyson rams the flute a foot and a half up his ass........"

Spaw

29 Dec 01 - 10:46 PM (#618377)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Dicho (Frank Staplin)

Is it true that hamsters keep the wheels turning behind the scenes at Mudcat?

30 Dec 01 - 05:52 AM (#618454)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Ian Darby

Thanks Catspaw

A certain ex-girlfriend of Tyson's gets in the ring, and removes the flute from its resting place. Now, since the trial she has learned to play a Didgeridoo of immense girth....

31 Dec 01 - 01:29 AM (#618879)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Melani

Little Hawk--As a veteran of four hamsters and five rats, I feel I am in a position to compare them. I will admit that hamsters are cuter to look at, and have lovely golden brown fur. But every hamster I ever had bit me at least once, and none of the five rats have ever bitten anyone.

As for being quitters--you should have seen Olivia this morning, trying to open a jar of peanut butter with her teeth. Given long enough, she would have done it. Rats once caused a leak in the C.A. Thayer's fresh water system by chewing through lead pipes.

31 Dec 01 - 05:41 AM (#618935)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Amos

See? Not only are they quitters, but they're obsessive-compulsive, too!!! ;>))

A

31 Dec 01 - 08:37 AM (#618954)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Little Hawk

Melani - Well of course they bit you! Hamsters don't like being called "stupid". :-))

Ian - LOL! Very funny stuff! I love the centipede description...and the Tyson/Flatley match is really something to contemplate. Interesting variation by Spaw too. How about a Mike Tyson versus Woody Allen match...or even Mike Tyson versus Bill Gates...

Compose a description of that for us, if you would.

- LH

01 Jan 02 - 06:48 AM (#619388)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Chris/Darwin

Finally this thread needs some sense!! I work for a power company, so in lieu of Yorkshire, I am just the man to put you all right on the mathematics of this!

I read once that a human can put out about 100 watts of power for a while (and while we are at it, let's get the watts jokes out of the way - "what, what, what, what - I say, only four watts, he is not very bright!!").

Assuming a hampster is about one hundredth of a human in power output (we will need to redefine horsepower (hp) here, because we could get confused with human power (hp) or hampster power (hp) - let's assume a hampster (hp) is one watt (definitely not very bright!).

To generate enough electricity to supply the USA, you would need about 600 billion hampsters (i.e., 600 thousand million). I tried to work out how much feed this many hampsters would need, but my calculator went on strike, and the answer was either 4 million cubic acres per hour (i.e., 2 million of Uncle Scrooge's money bins full of feed) or something the size of Venus. I tried to check this calculation using pen and paper, but I ran out of paper.

However, I can confidently predict that there isn't enough food on earth to feed this lot, but if you could the by-products would truly awe - inspiring. And the support industries - breeding replacements, funerals and burial of 200 billion hampsters per annum. (Come to think of it, the funeral notices would get a bit repetitive, wouldn't they?) The mind boggles! Imagine if they all farted at once - you would knock the Earth out of orbit!

By the way, are there any songs about hampsters?

Regards Chris

01 Jan 02 - 07:26 AM (#619396)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49

Chris, I am indeed grateful for these calculations and research. What you're saying then is that John may be a bit off-base here...either that or drunk. As we had already established the latter, we all appreciate your work on the former.

Spaw

01 Jan 02 - 11:16 AM (#619437)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Amos

600,000,000,000,000 (6x10^14) watts? or 600,000,000,000 (6x10^11) watts?

And am I to assume that is a number of watts flowing 24 hours a day? Because if so you'd need shifts -- the little buggers need their sleep, you klnow. Which means two or three times that number of individuals. Maybe four times, 'cuz I don't think hamsters can run a straight eight-hour shift. Don't small bodies deplete sooner under sustained exertion? If humans can work eight hours, according to Chris' scale of 1:100, hamsters can only run for about 4.8 minutes without sleeping for another 4.8 minutes, more or less. And then taking 4.8 minutes of to live their lives and eat and so on. If this is the case we can round the numbers out and estimate a 15 minute diurnal cycle of work, sleep, eat. This is the equivalent of only producing 19.2 minutes an hour which actually means the labor pool would have to be 3.125 times Chris' initial estimate, plus a margin for illness and holiday coverage.

As for Obits, if you had to name them individually, it would be a challenge. You'ld probably have to resort to numbered names like Rolf345, Spot59792, Spanky987, and Tidbit288.

The back yards of the world would be littered with little signs that say things like "Here lies Timmy67890987 -- A Good Hamster -- He gave his All".

Real estate values would plummet because of the legal complications of residences built on burying grounds, and all kinds of sanitary devices would be invented. "Neighbors not respecting minimum depth laws for their hamsters? Being hounded by bad smells? Don't suffer in silence -- get this house-size Wind Reverser, and send those odors back where they came from!! Yours for only twenty EASY payments...."

Not to mention labor-saving things to make the composting of the little corpses easier. "Hi, I'm Fred Gewgaw and I'm here to tell you about the new "Stackastiff" hard plastic multitier underground stiff-stacker. Make your life a little easier for only $99.99!!"

Ya know, when you are responsible for new techology you have to think hard about the ramifications over time. I think in this case we really ought to send John back to the drawing board or the bottle, whichever comes first!!

A

01 Jan 02 - 11:37 AM (#619448)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Paul from Hull

Hehehehehe...

John, mate, you never realised what a monster you were going to create with this one, I'm sure!

*G*

02 Jan 02 - 11:31 AM (#619890)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Melani

Couldn't we use methane generated by the, er, byproducts to generate power? I will admit to being way out of my depth here, just brainstorming. Also would the fact that hamsters are determinedly nocturnal be an advantage or disadvantage?

02 Jan 02 - 03:54 PM (#620023)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: lamarca

The dead hamsters are a lot easier to stack if you first run over them a couple times with your SUV, let them air dry for a few days, then peel them off the pavement in compressed form.

We once had a pair of Siberian hamsters that were liberated from a depression study (did you know that hamsters get depressed? Neither did I - that's government research for you!) We named them Hoover and Eureka (because of the way they reacted to their food) and kept them in a little cage in the lab. And Hoover and Eureka begat Electrolux, Rainbow, Miehle and Kirby, who were sent home with various co-workers for their children. Then they begat Dustbuster, Dirt Devil, Oreck, Bissell and Hokey. As we started running out of names, we started trading the offspring in for tropical fish for our aquarium. Hoover and Eureka kept on inhaling food and producing baby hamsters. It never occurred to us to try to use them as a power source...

04 Jul 02 - 09:10 AM (#742139)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Mr Happy

there's creatures at the north pole very similar to hamsters.

at certain times of the year they become suicidal en masse and stampede to the nearest icy precipice and all fling themselves off into thin air, dropping into the arctic sea & drown.

perhaps they could be caught in nets attached to a turbine which could then be used for central heating & hot showers in peoples igloos!

04 Jul 02 - 04:32 PM (#742423)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

melani-hamsters are NOT stupid.john

05 Jul 02 - 03:25 AM (#742702)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Mr Happy

btw they're called lemmings

05 Jul 02 - 04:11 PM (#743049)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,Sonja

Now, if we can only train politicians and lawyers to do the same...

06 Jul 02 - 04:56 AM (#743268)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST

Well, something/someone IS stupid here.

07 Jul 02 - 12:24 AM (#743605)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,.gargoyle

Current issue of Smithsonian Magazine, July 2002, has an article PeeWee Poweron miniture engines the size of a quarter.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

07 Jul 02 - 12:42 AM (#743614)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

I think he means minature.

Sincerley
John

07 Jul 02 - 01:53 AM (#743651)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,.gargoyle

By God - that miss-spelling sobered the old sot up quick!

07 Jul 02 - 02:09 AM (#743660)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

God had nothing to do with it!
I am sure he has more important things on his mind than your bad spelling!

Sincerley
John from Hull

07 Jul 02 - 02:16 AM (#743663)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,.gargoyle

Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

Good Night
Gargoyle

07 Jul 02 - 02:21 AM (#743666)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

If the hamster's dead who is turning the wheel? (And Why) Weirdo!

14 Aug 03 - 11:08 PM (#1002412)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

heloo, this is a good idea for power cuts.john

15 Aug 03 - 08:04 AM (#1002615)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,MMario

how true! Pet stores throughout NY; Ohio, NJ, Massachusetts and Ontario report massive runs on hamsters and even gerbils!

22 Aug 04 - 11:32 PM (#1254107)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

gerbils are rubbish!

23 Aug 04 - 12:48 AM (#1254133)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Cluin

Pssst... by the way, it's really spelled miniature.

23 Aug 04 - 12:51 AM (#1254135)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

oh.

23 Aug 04 - 12:52 AM (#1254137)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

Post 100, I thank you.
Hamsters, the true path!

23 Aug 04 - 04:15 AM (#1254273)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Georgiansilver

John.....I understand that Yorkshire Electricity have 5,000,000 hamsters on order and 5,000,000 mini turbines which are run from hamster wheels. I believe they have taken your idea and are about to use it. Did you take out a patent on it?.. If not then I believe that you cannot sue them for your share of the profits.
Best wishes.

23 Aug 04 - 04:19 AM (#1254276)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

Bastards!, I will soo them!

23 Aug 04 - 08:50 AM (#1254406)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: M'Grath of Altcar

Watch out for animal rights nutters jOhn. If they get to hear of this they may put more cats in your bin.

24 Aug 04 - 08:31 PM (#1255810)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Bernard

Ummm... Trevor Bayliss invented the clockwork radio, BTW - Dyson invented the cyclone vacuum cleaner... (Sir jOhn from Hull's original posting).

Cats land on their feet, don't they? And bread lands butter-side down? So if you strapped a slice of bread butter-side up to a cat's back, then dropped the cat, would it float?

24 Aug 04 - 08:35 PM (#1255814)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Naemanson

I wasn't aware that the hamsters had captured electricity or that it neeeded to be freed.

25 Aug 04 - 10:35 AM (#1256303)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Bernard

Them thar pesky critters will store anything in their cheek pouches!

25 Aug 04 - 10:58 PM (#1257023)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: frogprince

there may be another possible approach to this; if you stick two spikes in a potato and put wires on them, you get enough electricity to power a battery watch or small clock. Has anyone tried this with a hamster?...

26 Aug 04 - 05:26 AM (#1257155)
Subject: Lyr Add: HAMSTER SID (Ed Pickford)
From: s&r

Ed pickford here wrote 'Hamster Sid'

Last night I heard on my TV
how we're going to lose all the energy
The oil and coal are getting low
and the fast reactor is slow

Well I gave a little scream I gave a little cry -
looked like we were all fixin' to die
Then I heard a voice it was my Hamster Sid -
these were the words he said

'You may be human; you are dumb -
there's no need to sit there glum
I turn my wheel all through the night;
that energy could give you light

Cho
So sing a little song for my Hamster Sid
His wheel is connected to the National Grid
He's a dynamo of high degree
He makes electricity

With a Hamster wheel and an elastic band
he makes the pylons sing all over this land
He jumps in his wheel - he says 'Go!'
You should see those electrons flow

He eats seeds from the sunflower flower
He makes Hamster electric power
Good for all ecology
High on ergs and pollution free

Cho
so my furry pal and the food he ate
Saved our world from an awful fate
One day he died - he died well-used
His eyes just closed and his heart it fused

Cho (past tense)

Ed is a wonderful writer - his best known song is probably 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'

27 Aug 04 - 03:48 AM (#1257911)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: s&r

I'll refresh this because I love Ed's songs

Stu

27 Aug 04 - 07:04 AM (#1258050)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Caroline1984

LOL

28 Aug 04 - 10:07 PM (#1259251)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Bernard

Spooky... Fred Wedlock once recorded 'Oldest Swinger'... and has appeared on a TV series in the UK with Trevor 'Clockwork Radio' Bayliss...

Well I  thought it was spooky, anyway...!

29 Aug 04 - 04:38 AM (#1259350)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: s&r

Fred I think recorded 'the oldest swinger' as traditional, but it wasn't. Ed produced his first LP I think with cash from royalties on the oldest swinger.

Stu

29 Aug 04 - 10:30 AM (#1259462)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Bill D

it would take MORE electricity to produce enough hamster food to fuel their exercise than they would produce by running, thus a net loss in energy. Hamsters may cause the end of civilization as we know it!

13 Sep 04 - 07:42 PM (#1271530)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,skool kid

havin hamsters power cities is a good idea u can get millions of hamsters in hamster wheels powerin turbines, and u could breed the hamsters usin selective breeding to make a strong, faster super hamster. and yes i am just a kid doin a speech on the matter

14 Sep 04 - 03:33 AM (#1271811)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,SueB

It occurs to me we've got the wrong end of the stick here - we should be thinking about providing free electricity FOR hamsters, to power their little toasters and heating pads and laptop computers and all.

01 Sep 05 - 11:56 AM (#1553820)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

somebody is nicked my idea, i see on news last week that a man invented a mobile phone charger powered by hamsters, this was my idea ages ago, i should of copywrited it,
anyway=i might soo him.

01 Sep 05 - 08:16 PM (#1554315)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: The Fooles Troupe

Ah - if you can demonstrate that you put it out in the Public Domain, such as here, prior publication usually destroys any attempt to patent something.

01 Sep 05 - 08:35 PM (#1554331)
Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Little Hawk

Always good to see hamsters getting the respect they merit.