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BS: Great Health Tips :-)

11 Jan 02 - 06:16 PM (#626113)
Subject: Great Health Tips :-)
From: Gary T

Health questions and answers:

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it, don't piss them away on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had.

11 Jan 02 - 06:21 PM (#626117)
Subject: RE: BS: Great Health Tips :-)
From: catspaw49

Works for me. That and a good surgeon will keep you going!!!

Spaw

11 Jan 02 - 08:06 PM (#626190)
Subject: RE: BS: Great Health Tips :-)
From: Dicho (Frank Staplin)

I get lab tests on blood precribed by my regular doctor as well as a specialist urologist. My doctor sends me to the lab in the morning and my blood sugar is normal. The specialist operates in the morning so has afternoon hours for consulting. My blood tests for him come back with high sugar levels. He recommends further tests to my regular doctor. Each gets a duplicate of the results. Neither one has guessed that I have a sweet tooth and generally finish my healthy carrot+banana+whole grain bread lunch with a candy bar or equivalent. I wonder if they will ever figure it out?

11 Jan 02 - 08:12 PM (#626193)
Subject: RE: BS: Great Health Tips :-)
From: Tweed

Anybody here have knowledge of Chinese remedies? I've had the cold from Hell for about four weeks, took the prescribed anti biotics and got rid of the chills but the cough and the rest seem to have found a good host. Mz. Tweed went down to the local Chinese root doctor and got me some ganmaoling tablets and chysanthemum tea. The Chinese guy says that will fix me right up. Anybody used this stuff? Just curious. (Probably shoulda started another thread but this one seems to sorta fit the bill)

11 Jan 02 - 08:20 PM (#626199)
Subject: RE: BS: Great Health Tips :-)
From: catspaw49

Actually Tweed, start another thread because you'll love the results! We got some folks around here who'll have you fixed up one way or another in no time!!! Ohhhh yeahhhh.......

Spaw

11 Jan 02 - 08:28 PM (#626212)
Subject: RE: BS: Great Health Tips :-)
From: Dicho (Frank Staplin)

One way or the other... The old kill or cure treatment has always been reliable.

11 Jan 02 - 08:40 PM (#626225)
Subject: RE: BS: Great Health Tips :-)
From: Sorcha

I LOVE IT!! I knew I had been doing something right! That exercise will kill ya, ya know?

11 Jan 02 - 09:07 PM (#626237)
Subject: RE: BS: Great Health Tips :-)
From: Mudlark

Thank you, Gary. Your very sensible health Rx and a bag of peanuts in the shell, have successfully put off my diet for another day or 2....

11 Jan 02 - 10:33 PM (#626281)
Subject: RE: BS: Great Health Tips :-)
From: Gary T

Always happy to help, Mudlark.

(By the way, I did not write it, it's one of those e-mail passalong things.)

12 Jan 02 - 07:56 AM (#626502)
Subject: RE: BS: Great Health Tips :-)
From: gnu

Twain said... If you are healthy, you don't need exercise and if you are sick, you shouldn't take it.

Tweed... when I feel a cold coming on, or if I get a split lip from dry air or windburn, I megadose on vitamin C and B. For a cold, I combine the vitamins with drinking HOT tea and wrapping up in heavy blankets for a two hour sweat. To top it off, and this is the real trick, I plug my nostrils - the germs can't survive at a temperature over 96F. Try the hot drink and nose plugs... just try it, you'll see.

Flu ? Doctor.

12 Jan 02 - 02:33 PM (#626701)
Subject: RE: BS: Great Health Tips :-)
From: Bat Goddess

I really really wish I could find my copy of an article entitled, "Salad -- The Silent Killer."

And it's legitimate, NOT a humor piece.

Arghhh! Where did I file it?!?

Linn

12 Jan 02 - 10:16 PM (#626864)
Subject: RE: BS: Great Health Tips :-)
From: GUEST,mgarvey@pacifier.com

about that carrot, banana, bread lunch...it is 100% carbohydrate. Do yourself a favor and have your blood sugar tested after that lunch and no candy. Then next time have only the candy and no cbb lunch..I bet it is worse with the cbb..at least if the candy is chocolate with nuts say you would have some fat and protein to slow down the insulin response. Read Syndrome X, the Swartzbien Principal, or Dr. Bernstein's diabetes solution to get more information on the insulin response and its very very crucial role in life threatening diseases. A high carbohydrate diet might work for some people and will kill others. mg

12 Jan 02 - 10:49 PM (#626878)
Subject: RE: BS: Great Health Tips :-)
From: Amos

Damn--here I've been shooting myself in the foot by giving up smoking, and now I went and told everyone!!! If I double back and start smoking again they'll say I'm just a quitter...I mean a non-quitter -- so what's the problem? They're already thinking of me as a quitter. And I ain't no quitter, by gum!!

A

13 Jan 02 - 06:27 AM (#626971)
Subject: RE: BS: Great Health Tips :-)
From: Liz the Squeak

Actually the thing about situps is true.... you just build up a nice slab of muscle under the fat! People look at me and think because I'm fat I can't carry things. Then I pick up two boxes of photocopy paper at once and their little mouths just fall open....

Weight training with a small child can have it's advantages.....

LTS

13 Jan 02 - 06:33 PM (#627286)
Subject: RE: BS: Great Health Tips :-)
From: Dave the Gnome

Couldn't agree more - The excercise and fitness nuts are ruining our chanches of survival. If everyone gave up excercise, took up smoking, lived off fry ups and beer we would soon evolve into a much better race. Two hearts, increased lung capacity, a new organ for processing previously indigetible fats and protiens (to replace the redundant appendix which was for digesting grass)

C'mon - join the revolution!

Cheers

Dave the ever evolving (or is it revolting) Gnome