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28 Jan 02 - 12:13 PM (#637158) Subject: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Mickey191 A True Story-Child born, in the middle of the depression, with club feet. They had no money & welfare was non existant. Could not find a Dr. who would operate without recompense. They found a surgeon who listened to their problem, The father suggested he would do landscaping for the Doc & his wife would cook Sunday dinner for them. It was agreed on. Operation was a success, and for 2 years the parents worked to pay it off. What do you think of the Doc? |
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28 Jan 02 - 02:35 PM (#637237) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Mrrzy Bully for the doc! Best thing my 'rents ever did was move us all overseas, so we didn't grow up your usual spoiled Americans... IMHO, of course! |
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28 Jan 02 - 02:39 PM (#637242) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Murray MacLeod Mickey, is there an unspoken implication behind your question "What do you think of the Doc" that you think the surgeon had somehow exploited the parents? Just wondering .... Murray |
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28 Jan 02 - 02:40 PM (#637245) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: InOBU My dad taught me to sing ballads and hate critics and not to do what he did... don't dig coal at thirteen or any other age. Cheers Larry |
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28 Jan 02 - 02:41 PM (#637246) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Ebbie Murray, I took it the other way- Mickey, were you or someone you knew, the kid? |
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28 Jan 02 - 02:54 PM (#637257) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: GUEST,anoymous if that's OK My parents have helped me out both emotionally and finacially for the last 7 years, whilst I've been going through some big shit. Jeez, they could have bought a Ferrari with the money they've wasted on me. The tunnel is hopefully near the end, and I asked them only a few days ago why they'd kept up with the help through so many years of bad times... Obvoius answer maybe, but when they said "because we love you" it broke me down. I think / hope I'm getting on the right track now. One thing I know for certain is that no-one else in the world would have put up with me for even a tenth of the time. Hope that answers your question, Mickey Anon.
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28 Jan 02 - 03:00 PM (#637263) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Clinton Hammond The number one thing my mom did for me was take me with her the night she left her 'sperm donor'... The 2nd best thing she did was give me her #1 piece of child rearing advice... "Eat 'em when the bones are soft!" |
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28 Jan 02 - 08:06 PM (#637461) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Mickey191 Yes, I was the baby. Murray, I can see my question could be taken as both a criticism and a pat on the shoulder for that wonderful Doctor. He may very well have been put down by his colleagues for the bartering of his services, but wasn't it a grand solution? He was not as interested in the almighty dollar as all of the others. |
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28 Jan 02 - 08:31 PM (#637478) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Justa Picker - orthodontics - public speaking contests at a young age (cured stage fright when I got older) - taught me about class (both high and low) |
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28 Jan 02 - 08:44 PM (#637492) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: SINSULL Guest, anonymous: It sounds to me like money well spent not "wasted". Trust me, your parents will get far more pleasure from your health, mental and physical, than they could possibly get from a Ferrari. Been there; done that. |
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28 Jan 02 - 09:35 PM (#637523) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Jim Dixon I suppose the greatest thing my parents did for me was to encourage me to read. I read obsessively as a kid. Actually, I read a lot less now. But it got me off to a good start. I recently remembered one of the LITTLE things my father did for me, which I didn't appreciate much at the time, but I appreciate more now. My dad had grown up on a farm in the south, but I grew up in a city in the north. He wanted me to be at least not totally ignorant of farm life. So when we went to visit my aunts, uncles, and cousins on the farm, he would bring back a few seeds and plant them in our vegetable garden – especially if they were things that you wouldn't normally see in a city garden. One year he planted a few cotton seeds. Another year he grew peanuts, another year corn. Now, there is no practical reason to grow about 5 cotton plants, except that he wanted me to see what they looked like. He said they were my plants, although I'm sure he did almost all the work of caring for them. There is even a photo of me, at about age 5, in our backyard, holding a bunch of cotton stalks as if they were a bouquet of flowers. It gave me a lifelong interest in plants. |
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28 Jan 02 - 09:58 PM (#637539) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: kendall Mine was a single mother. She worked day and night at all sorts of menial jobs to keep us all together. My father was never around, so, she got no help from him. Anyway, when I graduated high school, she gave me a Bulova wristwatch. That watch cost $30.00 and that was 1952. She made payments on it for, I dont know how long. I still have it. |
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28 Jan 02 - 09:59 PM (#637540) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: JedMarum great thoughts here, folks. great thread Mickey! I think the world of a doctor who can create such an opportunity for poor folks in a situation that needed his skills and his wisdom to devise recompense. And I think the world of parents who sought out the solution they needed and were willing to work hard for it - sacrifice for their child. You were blessed in deed, Mickey - by parents and the doctor. My parents have given me so many wonderful and important things, love for music, concern for others, a rounded education and a keen interest for learning, social skills, communication skills, self awareness ... and an acceptence of my independent thought. They were (are) wonderful parents, and I am keenly aware of the blessings they passed on. |
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28 Jan 02 - 10:13 PM (#637544) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: catspaw49 Out of all the wonderful things I got from my parents, and they were many, if I had to pick only one, it was unconditional love. I was taught and encouraged to speak my mind as long as I could back it up, to see the world through many set of eyes, to never accept something as fact that I couldn't verify through evidence, to act on what I believed, to know myself well so I could both take criticism and not be injured by harsh words, to laugh and find some humor in the worst of situations..............Great stuff as far as I was concerned and it often led me to heated discussions with them defending or voicing my opinions which they disagreed with. But the fact that of their love was never in doubt no matter what the discussion or argument and no matter how strong the opinions or divisive the issue. I miss them. Spaw |
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28 Jan 02 - 11:17 PM (#637574) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Melani My father made me a guitar, and my mother taught me to play it. What Spaw said about unconditional love also applies. I come from a family that may have put the capital D on Disfunction, but we always loved and trusted each other, even when screaming at the top of our lungs. I have a friend whose family is currently suing each other over an inheritance, with a lot of really nasty accusations of theft and dishonesty, and it has really made me appreciate the true good points of my own wild and weird relatives. |
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28 Jan 02 - 11:25 PM (#637575) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Amergin Mine have given me a place to live and food to eat...at times when I could not work...due to depression and such.... My grandparents have also been there for me...during my teenage years emotional problems ran rampant with me....confusion, depression, and anger....they have also supported and encouraged my writing...which has been a trememdous help for me to cope with reality and that which it brings..... |
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28 Jan 02 - 11:46 PM (#637587) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: mack/misophist Some people should not have children. The only one in my mother's family who wasn't a rotten parent was the only one without children. The only thing my mother ever did for me was fail to pass along her racism. There was no father. |
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28 Jan 02 - 11:53 PM (#637591) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Kaleea They instilled in me a deep love of good music. |
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29 Jan 02 - 12:07 AM (#637599) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Stilly River Sage Anonymous guest: I knew my parents would lend me money if I needed it. Once you inherit it, you realize that the "interest" they paid on the money they loaned you was far superior to anything the bank can pay once you park it after they're gone. (Kind of a reversal of things, but I hope you get my drift). My son was in tears at bedtime tonight, because I was describing a game my father and I used to play (apt to this group--it was "Drop the Needle"). He's such a soft-hearted little fellow (9-years-old). But I had to tell him that it's times like this, when we have a sad moment, that we can understand just what we were given by our parents. Or grandparents. SRS |
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29 Jan 02 - 12:59 AM (#637626) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Liz the Squeak Best thing mine ever did was tell me at age 14 that I was going to be the good little girl who stayed at home to look after mummy and daddy. I left as soon as was humanly possible and have never EVER regretted it. I look at what my parents were and wonder how I ever grew up so broad minded and tolerant.... LTS |
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29 Jan 02 - 02:25 AM (#637651) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: GUEST They divorced |
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29 Jan 02 - 04:12 AM (#637684) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: fat B****rd Just about everything. |
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29 Jan 02 - 04:43 AM (#637697) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Abuwood My Dad used to sing harmony to "Sing something simple" on the car radio, I used to get really cross and tell him to sing the tune! Now I sing harmony all over the place and realise what a gift he gave me. |
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29 Jan 02 - 06:04 AM (#637714) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Ella who is Sooze They educated me, sent me to uni, took me on trips to castles, museums, introduced me to history, reading, music, and taught me to question. To ask if I didn't know the answer, to read from an early age (though that got me in trouble - bored child at school syndrome). They taught me to be brave. And they saved my life! Which I have only just found out about. (27 years later!) They taught me to reason, stand up for myself, to be able to speak my mind, and give me lots of advice. They're fabiest mom n dad anyone could ask for! And they love me and are full of encouragement. |
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29 Jan 02 - 06:59 AM (#637728) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Fibula Mattock They dragged me round fleadhs and sessions from an early age; they taught me to read; they showed me that politeness and courtesy cost nothing; they told me to listen to others instead of just speaking; they brought me up in Northern Ireland without the "label" of a particular religion or community; they encouraged me to treat others as I would like to be treated. And in case that's a bit too Walton Family-esque (though true), their own actions sometimes taught me what not to do on occasions. Cheers ma and da! |
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29 Jan 02 - 08:53 AM (#637795) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Jim Dixon As a parent, I was hoping this thread would contain more specifics -- that it would give me ideas about things I could do for my own son. I already understand the general principles about self-esteem, unconditional love and so forth. I am puzzled about why so many of the things I tried to do for him didn't "take". I read to him faithfully when he was little, and he seemed to enjoy it, but today he reads nothing voluntarily, unless it's a magazine about skateboarding or video games. We took him to zoos, museums, historic sites, and so on, yet nothing could be more boring to him now than a museum or historic site. (He still kind of likes zoos.) Maybe there's nothing I can do now but respect his right to be different. But it's kind of sad. |
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29 Jan 02 - 09:25 AM (#637833) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: okthen Genes. I was trying to think, what would have been the most useful advice my parents could have given me, when I was 12. So that I can give that same advice to my 12 year old son.I really hope I've inherited their patience. |
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29 Jan 02 - 10:01 AM (#637864) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: jeffp Jim -- don't give up. Believe me, there is still plenty of time for your son to surprise you. I'm pretty sure that one day - probably when he's in his early 20s - you'll hear your words coming out of his mouth and you'll just about drop your teeth in surprise. It happened to me and it's the most wonderful shock you can get.
jeffp |
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29 Jan 02 - 10:35 AM (#637898) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Stilly River Sage Jim, Part of raising them is going with the flow and letting them take the lead--and it sounds like it's time to learn about skateboarding (is there a skateboard park in town, for example, that you can take him to, and supply him with helmet and knee pads? Or perhaps an expedition to a nearby town with a skateboard park is worth the trip. Just be sure your health insurance is paid up!). Build on the zoo interest--encourage him take a class there and learn to be a docent, or find a program that will let him volunteer at the zoo in some behind the scenes capacity. You can enable him to build on what interests him now, and he'll be reminded of what interested him when he was smaller. Enjoy what he can do now, don't mourn that the little boy is gone. You'll get there, but it takes work. (I'm having to practice what I preach, as my oldest enters her teen years). As my kids get older, I've clung doggedly to our practice of reading at bedtime. We don't always manage it every night, but we still read several nights a week. And lately they've been telling me "Mom, I want to read this to you." Articles, poems, email. It's the sharing that is still important. I tried to read a funny email to them last night (about the "Urka Gurka Clock") and was laughing so hard I could hardly read, and they were in stitches watching me laugh. The piece isn't particularly meritorious, but the sharing and laughter were (and Dylan asked to read it quietly to himself afterward so he could see what it actually said!). We enjoy poetry, and read quite a bit of it, and whenever I read a poem that my Dad put to music (quite often, as it happens) they know I can't read it, but must sing it. My daughter commented about a poem she took to school for a project last year (a favorite that we read for dramatic effect--"Barbara Frietchie") that "I can hear your voice when I read it." So Jim, figure out things you can do with your son in which he will in the future "hear your voice" or remember your touch. How's that for "more specific" recommendations? Maggie
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29 Jan 02 - 11:46 AM (#637956) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Ebbie And, Jim, guess where your son will eventually take his children? Zoos, museums, historic sites; oh, yes, and he will read to them too. I have told people that when my daughter was 13, I almost ran away from home. But she is a great adult: compassionate, loving, kind, involved, bright... She even eats all different kinds of food. Ebbie |
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29 Jan 02 - 12:04 PM (#637970) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Mr Red conception |
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29 Jan 02 - 12:49 PM (#638003) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Amergin Jim....regarding the specifics of what our parents and grandparents have done for us....welll I doubt that for most of us there was any one thing...and that to go into detail would be to write a novel of epic proprotions.... for to say one thing would be to bring to mind others.... I will talk a bit about my grandparents though...I have always had a special bond with them....i have lived with them at times...and growing up I was the one who got to spend summers with them in my hometown of Bonners Ferry....In my teenage years the depression hit...and hard...I would hide in my books....i would hide in my anger....I was a depressed kid being raised by a depressed mother... Well, anyways....I spent a lot of time with my grandparents...a pair of more wonderful people one will never find...As I said before I was angry and depressed and lord knows what else....but they did not give up on me....there was a lot of hurt involved caused by me...as I would lash out at them...but they never gave up...they did not smack me around...they continued to talk with me...not to me....not at me...they did not send me packing as by rights they could have done...that is one of the best things anyone has ever done for me.... Today, because they did not give up on me...we have an even stronger bond....and when I think of those times they bring me to tears...with guilt and sorrow...that I have caused so much pain to those who i love more than life itself...though I know I have brought much pride to them also... Nowadays their main beef is that I have no children...they want their great grandkids! I tell them I could always accomodate.....but they want me to do it the right way! lol... sorry for the creep. |
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29 Jan 02 - 11:18 PM (#638449) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Phil Cooper My folks instilled a love of music (they're both piano players). When I first was learning guitar, my mom would play melodies out my Phil Ochs and Tom Paxton and reprints from Sing out songbooks (still have a fondness for "Strontium 90) so I could learn to play steadily with someone else. In the folly of my youth I was arrested for driving under the influence. Hardest phone call I ever made. They drove a couple hours up to get me and didn't give me "the well deserved lecture" on the way home. I think they correctly figured I was beating up on myself enough. Learned a valuable lesson. It took awhile, but I straightened out. Now, I'm thinking I should play some tunes with my mom sometime soon. |
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29 Jan 02 - 11:33 PM (#638459) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: bflat They didn't teach me to hate. Ellen |
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29 Jan 02 - 11:54 PM (#638466) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Rick Fielding Right on Ellen! I grew up in a series of little French/English towns in Quebec, where the English had the bucks and the French did the Grunt work. All my friends (it seems) called them "Frogs" or "Pepsis". I used that term once, and both my parents sat me down (I guess I was 8 or so) and talked to me about racism. They probably used simple words, but I think I got the message. One thing I really thank them for was "discussing" religion with me rather than 'preaching', and making it OK to not go to Church. They said that when I got old enough to think for myself, I'd go (or not go) for the right reasons. I remember my Dad saying. God is a mystery, don't ever let another human tell you that THEY have the answer. Boy did they put up with a lot from me....but they toughed it out. I think my Mom would have loved me to focus more on Art Tatum or Artur Rubenstein than Woody Guthrie though! Cheers Rick |
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29 Jan 02 - 11:55 PM (#638467) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: DougR They loved me. DougR |
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30 Jan 02 - 09:31 PM (#639046) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Gypsy My mother gave me NO limitations, and truly believed that i could do anything. This included: walking, when i had rhuematoid arthritis as a child, learning music as an adult, fixing just about anything, etc, etc,etc. Howsomever reading the inital post, seems that no one has answered the original query: whattaya think of the doc? I think he came up with a clever solution, that benefited all parties concerned. Up until about 15 years ago, we had a doc who would do trades of that nature. And we still have a chiropractor that does stuff like that. There ARE still some healers, who are into healing over $$$$ |
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30 Jan 02 - 09:36 PM (#639049) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: DougR You're correct Gypsy, of course. The title of the thread threw me off a bit. What do I think of the Doc? I think he showed great compassion, and I applaud him for what he did. dougR |
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30 Jan 02 - 11:01 PM (#639086) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Jerry Rasmussen Specifics? My Mother gave me compassion for the poor, and a love of people regardless of color or nationality. I was a skinny, frightened little kid.. a human punching bag, so I knew about feeling left out. And punched out. The last kid chosen for the baseball team at school. Even though I grew up in a lilly-white, in many ways racist town, I oddly identified with a little "Pickaninny" in a song that my Mother used to sing called "Stay In Your Own Backyard." I understood what that was all about. My mother also told me about Jesus, not in any formal way, as we rarely went to church. I figured that Jesus would treat a no-account little kid like me alright.
Maybe part of being a good parent is to try to enjoy your kid's interests, rather than trying to get them to enjoy yours. When my sons were little, they started collecting comic books, and I collected them (and traded them)right along with them. When they graduated from board games to video games, I was right there beside them. When they wanted to build something, we built it together and I taught them how to use tools. When they were real little (my youngest son pre-school) I read the Hobbit and the Fellowship of the Ring to them... all four books, total. When I finished, I asked them what they wanted me to read next, and they asked me to start over with the Hobbit. Which I did. When they wanted to read to me, as my younger son did, I let him read to me. They grew up well-adjusted despite a bizarre, destructive home life, until I got a divorce. They don't listen to folk music, or play any instruments. One shares most of my musical taste and love for reading, one doesn't. If you have more than one kid, don't expect them to share many, if any interests. I told my younger son that if he was going to be his own man, he'd have to do well in school, like to read and be lousy at sports. His brother had already taken the low-academic, sports-minded slot. His brother ended up being a computer whiz, despite doing poor in school. Truth is, in many ways, your kids turn out fine in spite of you.
Most of all, make sure that they know how much you love them, and tell them not to let anyone define who they are. Including you.
They're worth every white-knickled moment of it. Jerry |
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30 Jan 02 - 11:49 PM (#639118) Subject: RE: BS: Greatest thing your parents did for you. From: Rustic Rebel My folks gave me the freedom in my life to be myself and to make my own choices. The Doctor was a kind and loving soul, who took his Hippocratic oath to his heart and not his pocketbook. Right on Doc! |