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08 Feb 02 - 09:13 AM (#645264) Subject: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,The Bouncers in Lavery's RIGHT THERE FOLKS MOVE IT OUT PLEASE! New part to this thread. Do yer talkin' while yer walkin'. Have youse no homes tae go to? Continuity Thread Alert Campsite at Drumcree III
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08 Feb 02 - 09:18 AM (#645271) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Chip on Shoulder Oooooooh!!! Showing off, are we? Lavery's, eh!? Jus' cos you went to University up in the Belfast! It's a hole, anyway. I was there with a mate once and we got bucked out for askin' for Bucky out o' th'optics!
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08 Feb 02 - 09:22 AM (#645273) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,kearns and ginos walkie talkie walkie talkie conversation Kearns... ah, there you are good man yerself, gino me comrade at drums... 1, 4 copy .... gino... ah rite, Malachy what's that you said a muster of bodhrans are being pushed near the cliffs of moher? kearns.... jaysus that's rite pal, can ye send the big lads in to give the scoundrel antidrumestablishmentarians a real hounding of a wallop. gino... we're on the case pal, can you bus another load of your tuneable specials our way again. The lads down in b block are perfecting their rhythm entry again... ahhh and Malachy, great rhythm speach... roger over n out |
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08 Feb 02 - 09:23 AM (#645274) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,BBC News online The FBI are investigating a number of videos found in a cave in the Burren. The videos, believed to be instructional in nature, were seized in a daring dawn raid. They are said to show training exercises filmed in local pubs. The Continuity Bodhrán Liberation Army claim the videos have 'nothing to do with them', and that the poor quality means it 'cannot be proved' that dissident leader Gino "Mad Dog" Lupari appears in the footage. |
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08 Feb 02 - 10:25 AM (#645311) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,BBC Overseas Service Dateline Brussels, Friday 8, 2002 A spokesperson for the European Commission today promised international cooperation in the Fight Against Bhorranism. President Mario Proddy has set up a special Corr- dinating committee whose aim is to root out this pernicious conspiracy wherever it has taken root. Special attention will be paid to so-called Irish Pubs which have appeared in many cities across Europe. In these places, in the seedy backstreets of Brussels, Paris and Amsterdam, passing under unremarkable names - "Kitty O'Shea's", "Michael Molloy's", the "James Joyce" and others, impressionable young people have been secretly indoctrinated and trained in percussionism of the vilest kind. Simple-minded Europeans have been taken in, given their instruments and sent out across the globe to terrorise polite society. For the leaders of this conspiracy, Proddy has what he calls a simple message. "We will track them down. They can run, but they can't hide. God is on our side", he noted. |
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08 Feb 02 - 10:32 AM (#645319) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,The Irish Times White powder found in an envelope sent to eminent Drumcree Session musician Derek Bell has been removed by Gardai for forensic testing. The powder, found within an envelope bearing a Donegal postmark, is being treated as suspicious. Enya is helping police with their enquiries.
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08 Feb 02 - 10:44 AM (#645330) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Darren Vaughan This is Darren Vaughan at the news desk. President Bush today said and I quote the CIA will be spreading their testicles like an octopus in a bid to infiltrate these bodhran dens and seek out the evil-doers who are responsible for brain washing young people into their service. Prime minister Blair who was looking on smuggly in the background said that president Bush's timing on this bodhran crisis couldn't have been better. In a related story dissident National Bodhran Liberation Army leader Sammy Bin Lidden said that this is now a holy war and that the world will experience the mother, father, brother and sister of a row the like was never seen so it will. |
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08 Feb 02 - 11:00 AM (#645337) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,The Clancy Brothers Oh then tell Sean O'Farrell, tell me why you hurry so Hush mo buachall, hush and listen and his cheeks were all aglow I bear orders from Lupari, get you ready quick and soon Cos we'll hit our drums a dunder by the risin' of the moon By the risin' of the moon, by the risin' of the moon We'll hit our drums a dunder by the risin' of the moon Oh then tell me, Sean O'Farrell where the drum-in is to be In that spot not far from Doolin quite well known to you and me There'll be Christy, aye and Cathy, there'll be Mal in thick disguise We'll batter our oul goatskins underneath thon Western skies Underneath thon western skies, underneath thon western skies We'll batter our oul goatskins underneath thon Western skies In many's a pub in Doolin, they drunk pints of stout that night Then at the hour for closing, beneath the silvery light They battered out The Beggarman, Big Maggie, Siúl A Rún A thousand baters thumpin' to the risin' of the moon The risin' of the moon, the risin' of the moon A thousand baters thumpin' to the risin' of the moon |
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08 Feb 02 - 11:03 AM (#645339) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Jim Reeves "I hear the sounds of distant drums ..." Oh shite! I'm in the wrong place altogether, aren't I?
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08 Feb 02 - 11:19 AM (#645349) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Darren Vaughan This is Darren Vaughan at the news desk. The Maze prison which was to be turned into a Museum was today being temporarly used as a prison. Under operation "snatch and gob", NIPS officers in a serious of dawn raids around the province arrested a number of Bodhraneers. These dissident skin spankers will be held in the Maze under the Special Powers Act, known locally as the skittery-idle-dum rule. As yet there is still no word on the where-a-bouts of rebel leaders Lupari and Bin Lidden. Now the weather rain, rain ,rain and more rain. |
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08 Feb 02 - 11:22 AM (#645352) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Grafitti on wall GIVE THE DRUM BACK TO DRUMCREE! |
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08 Feb 02 - 11:27 AM (#645356) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Graffiti Bodhrán drum = Máire Drumm Give peace a chance |
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08 Feb 02 - 11:44 AM (#645362) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,NEWS News has reached us that Malachy Kearns, leader of the dissident New Real Provisional Continuity Bodhrán Liberation Army (Roundstone Branch) has been "battered into submission", by members of a rival bodhránii faction. A statement by the Real New Provisional Continuity Bodhrán Liberation Army (Walton's Branch) confirmed that the "battering into submission" (a euphemism for a gangland-style execution) was carried out in the interests of a "...just and lasting settlement for all percussionists in the Island of Ireland." Police are said to suspect a certain large gentleman of Italian extraction ... |
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08 Feb 02 - 11:46 AM (#645363) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Malachy Kearns' Graveside Oration It has seemed right, before we turn away from this place in which we have laid the mortal remains of Malachy Kearns, that one among us should, in the name of all, speak the praise of that valiant man, and endeavor to formulate the thought and the hope that are in us as we stand around his grave. And if there is anything that makes it fitting that I, rather than some other, I rather than one of the grey-haired men who were young with him and shared in his labour and in his suffering, should speak here, it is perhaps that I may be taken as speaking on behalf of a new generation that has been re-baptised in the bodhránii faith, and that has accepted the responsibility of carrying out the bodhránii programme. I propose to you then that, here by the grave of this unrepentant bodhránii, we renew our baptismal vows; that, here by the grave of this unconquered and unconquerable man, we ask of God, each one for himself, such unshakable purpose, such high and gallant courage, such unbreakable strength of soul as belonged to Malachy Kearns. Deliberately here we avow ourselves, as he avowed himself in the dock, Bodhránii of one allegiance only. We of the Bodhrán Liberation Army, and you others who are associated with us in to-day's task and duty, are bound together and must stand together henceforth in brotherly union for the achievement of the freedom to batter and dunder. And we know only one definition of freedom: it is Moore's definition, it is Lupari's definition, it is Malachy Kearn's definition. Let no man blaspheme the cause that the dead generations of bodhránii served by giving it any other name and definition than their name and their definition. We stand at Kearns' grave not in sadness but rather in exaltation of spirit that it has been given to us to come thus into so close a communion with that brave and splendid Gael. Splendid and holy causes are served by men who are themselves splendid and holy. Kearns was splendid in the proud manhood of him, splendid in the heroic grace of him, splendid in the Gaelic strength and clarity and truth of him. And all that splendour and pride and strength was compatible with a humility and a simplicity of devotion to the bodhrán, to all that was olden and beautiful and Gaelic in Ireland. The clear true eyes of this man almost alone in his day visioned Ireland as we of to-day would surely have her: not free merely, but full of the battering of bater on goatskin as well. In a closer spiritual communion with him now than ever before or perhaps ever again, in a spiritual communion with those of his day, living and dead, who suffered with him on the run or in his hideaways throughout The Burren (Bodhrán Bodhrán), in communion of spirit too with our own dear comrades who hide out thus to-day, and speaking on their behalf as well as our own, we pledge to the bodhrán our love, and we pledge to the laws against the bodhrán our hate. This is a place of peace, sacred to the dead, where men should speak with all charity and with all restraint; but I hold it a Christian thing, as Kearns held it, to hate evil, to hate untruth, to hate oppression, and, hating them, to strive to overthrow them. Our foes are strong and wise and wary; but, strong and wise and wary as they are, they cannot undo the miracles of God who ripens in the hearts of young men the seeds sown by the young men of a former generation. And the seeds sown by the young men of Planxty and The Bothy Band are coming to their miraculous ripening to-day. Rulers and Defenders of Realms had need to be wary if they would guard against such processes. Life springs from death; and from the graves of bodhránii spring living bodhránii. The Defenders of this Realm have worked well in secret and in the open. They think that they have pacified Ireland. They think that they have purchased half of us and intimidated the other half. They think that they have foreseen everything, think that they have provided against everything; but the fools, the fools, the fools! - they have left us our bodhránii dead, and while Ireland holds these graves, Ireland devoid of the sacred rattle of the bater on goatskin shall never be at peace. |
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08 Feb 02 - 11:53 AM (#645368) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Derek Bell I'd just like to say that in me own defence...that I was trying to sneak a sherbet fountain so that Paddy wouldn't see... when the postman came. Paddy shouted down the stairs was that the post and A swear to God he put the heart across me so he did and did'nt A spill the sherbet fountain onto the envelopes. One was a letter from Enya addressed to Sean Keane and the other was the gas bill. That's all I'd like to say...can A go to the toilet now? |
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08 Feb 02 - 12:09 PM (#645381) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Roman O'Proddy Following a hastily convened meeting of the Council of Ministers and of the full Commission, we have decided to form a new Commission Directorate-General, to be named DG Antipercussion and to be headed by Deputy Commission President
With the full backing of my team and of Please note that the Commission has no remit nor authority to tackle the issue of Dediddlyization at present. Roman O'Proddy for the European Commission |
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08 Feb 02 - 12:19 PM (#645386) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Derek Bell Mr. O'Proddy I think your full of shite so I do. |
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08 Feb 02 - 12:21 PM (#645390) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Derek Bell Here I didn't say that atall so I didn't. Somebody's codin' round so they are...this is feckin' terrible so it is. |
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08 Feb 02 - 05:01 PM (#645552) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Malachy Kearns, back from bodhran heaven - 2 awwww shite, no one told me I was dead. awwwwwww.... what about me goats...
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08 Feb 02 - 05:47 PM (#645571) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,George W. Bush Say, do any of you fellas sing any Irish songs? You know, like "Danny Boy", or "When Irish Eyes are Smiling"? Or what's that one about the animals, that starts "A long time ago when the earth was green..."? Laura and I just love Irish songs. Patriotically, George W. Bush |
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09 Feb 02 - 06:12 AM (#645889) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: Hrothgar You and I travel to the beat of a different drum, oh, can't you tell by the way I run every time you play drums at me... |
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11 Feb 02 - 06:18 AM (#647169) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,THE GRAND FINALE!! (THE GHOST OF WILLIE CLANCY TAKES TO THE STAGE …) Ladies and Gentlemen … We'd like to thank yez all for comin' and for the jovial hospitality shown by all throughout the past few days up here in Drumcree. I'm sure yez'll all be hard-pressed to min' a fuckin' thing, the state of yez. Now, to roun' off proceedin's, we're gonny gi' yez something special … All musicians and personalities involved in the oul' proceedin's are assembled here behin' me for the finale. So, let's not have any further how d'ye do … the lads and lassies are gonny gi' yez thon oul' standard, "The Partin' Glass" in their own style. G'luck and good night! (THE CURTAIN PARTS TO REVEAL A STAGE FULL OF THE CREAM OF IRELAND'S MUSICAL AND OTHER TALENT … SHANE MACGOWAN STEPS FORWARD AS THE ASSEMBLED HORDES MOAN A DRONE NOTE FOR HIM) (SHANE) Oh, all the money that e'er I had I spent it in good company And all the harm that e'er I done Alas it was to none but me And all I've done for want of wit To mem'ry now I can't recall So fill to me the partin' glass (CHHEEEEEERRRRR) Goodnight and joy be with you all! (THE CHOIR PARTS. BARNEY McKENNA AND GERRY O'CONNOR ARE SEATED OPPOSITE EACH OTHER. THEY PLAY "THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY" THREE TIMES ROUND AND THEN LAUNCH INTO "OFF TO CALIFORNIA" THREE TIMES ROUND. THE CROWD CLOSES IN AROUND THEM AGAIN. THE AUDIENCE ARE IN A FRENZY. DEREK BELL STEPS UP TO THE MIKE.) (DEREK BELL) Oh if I had money enough to spend I'd buy an ounce of snow-white coke Cos I swear I'm damn near round the bend Oul' Paddy Moloney nearly makes me boke With his gerny wee gob and his "failte" bonhomie He 's such a pain in my fuckin' balls So raise to me the partin' glass Good night and joy be with you all (THE CHOIR PARTS TO REVEAL PADDY KEENAN AND LIAM ÓG O'FLYNN SEATED OPPOSITE EACH OTHER. THEY PLAY THREE TIMES ROUND "THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY" BEFORE LAUNCHING INTO A WILD VERSION OF "THE BUCKS OF ORANMORE". THE AUDIENCE ARE DEMENTED. THE CHOIR CLOSES AROUND THE PIPERS. EAMONN HOLMES TAKES THE MIKE.) (EAMONN HOLMES) Oh all the grub that ever I ate It fairly made my belly swell And all the Baileys that e'er I drank Was likin' drawin' water from a damn deep well And all the honeys I made a pass And footered with up the Seagoe wall Oh raise to me the partin' glass Good night and joy be with you all (THE CHOIR PARTS TO REVEAL TOMMY PEOPLES AND MAIREAD NI MHAONAIGH SITTING OPPOSITE EACH OTHER. THEY PLAY "THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY" – JOHN DOHERTY'S SETTING – AND THEN LAUNCH INTO "TOMMY PEOPLES' REEL". THE CROWD GO FRANTIC. THE CHOIR CLOSES AROUND THEM AGAIN AND SINGS THE FINAL VERSE IN UNISON.) (CHOIR) Oh it's fare thee well to one and all From the session here in Sweet Drumcree And safely home through Portydown And onwards to your own country We may chance to meet again In Belfast, Cork or Donegal Then raise to me the partin' glass Good night and joy be with you all (THE CHOIR TROOPS OFF STAGE TO WILD APPLAUSE WHICH FADES TO AN EERIE SILENCE. SOMEWHERE … FAR OFF IN THE DISTANCE … A LONE PIPER PLAYS "TAIMSE IM CHODLADH.) THE END |
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15 Apr 02 - 11:33 AM (#690509) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,archivist although Campsite at Drumcree #1 is current at Mudcat, it has 166 messages and my computer times out before the thread is fully opened. I suggest anyone wanting to continue the festivities camps in this section of the site! |
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15 Apr 02 - 10:13 PM (#690911) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison applause!!!!!!!!!!! ENCORE!!!!!!!!!! 'thon waz pure majik, so it waz.... the Clancy Brothers had tears running down my cheeks with "By the risin' of the moon, by the risin' of the moon We'll hit our drums a dunder by the risin' of the moon".... only wish I could have got there in time to join in on my Lambeg!!! (brilliant work......) slainte alison |
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16 Apr 02 - 08:13 AM (#691168) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Begrudger The bodhráníi if Irelabd are hounded mercilessly out of existence by the forces of philistinism and Orangeism. And yet this alison woman flaunts her lambeg in our faces! There is no justice in Ireland and never will be! Malachy Kearns ... the current and as yet unborn generations of bodhráníi will not forget you! |
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16 Apr 02 - 08:16 AM (#691171) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,graffiti spotted in Edenderry Scrawled across a wall in Edenderry. The lambegí are gloatin'. "We will never forget you Malachy Somebody-or-other". |
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16 Apr 02 - 09:23 AM (#691226) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Derek Bell Here... I wouldn't mind her flauntin' somethin' else in me face so I wouldn't, that was a cracker wasn't it Paddy? |
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16 Apr 02 - 04:41 PM (#691469) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Eamonn Holmes Ah enough of this oul' bollox! I'm lockjawin'. Anybody fancy a dander down tae the Chinese for a gravy chip wi' peas 'n' onions? |
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16 Apr 02 - 09:44 PM (#691678) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison I'm wi yew Eamonn..... I'm fair famished..... c'mon an we'll put sum meat on yer bones!!.... mind yew I like the real Chineses food... I want chips in curry sauce!! |
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17 Apr 02 - 05:15 AM (#691882) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: Paddy Plastique This thread any relation to yer man George Hamilton IV ??? Terrible lot, that IV family... and Derek Bell - give over that sort o' talk - sure ye haven't finished playing wi' yerself yet... |
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17 Apr 02 - 05:50 AM (#691893) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: John MacKenzie If a woman flaunts her Lambeg in yer face, and you haven't got yer bodhran handy, can you still use the rhythm method? I only ask in case it ever comes up in conversation! Failte...Giok |
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17 Apr 02 - 07:03 AM (#691925) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Val Doonican Can I bring me wooly jumper and me rocking chair and sing some of those awfull 'Pady McGinty's Goat' thingies to youse orange bar stewards. Pass me the Buckfast and Vimto |
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18 Apr 02 - 03:45 AM (#692642) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Dept of Ethnogastronomy, QUB Found scribbled on a discarded chip wrapper outside Cafolla's ...
I am Eamonn |
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18 Apr 02 - 03:48 AM (#692643) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Dept of Ethnodebauchery, QUB I am Derek Pluckier am I than the sightless O'Carolan Great is my glory Harping like stink in horn-rims and v-necks Great is my shame A fierce man for the oul' drugs I am Derek More debauched am I than the cue-wielding Higgins |
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18 Apr 02 - 03:52 AM (#692645) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Dept of Tenorbanjology, QUB I am Barney Faster am I than the light of Heaven Great is my glory The Mason's Apron a blur of notes Great is my glory The Mason's Apron a blur of notes I am Barney Hairier am I than a mountainy buck-goat |
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18 Apr 02 - 03:59 AM (#692648) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Dept of Ethnodebauchery, QUB Mise Shane Drunker am I than Ollie the actor Great is my glory I who wrote "Body Of An American" Great is my shame I who scribbled "Five Green Queens And Jean" Mise Shane Not victim, not martyr, not saint nor sinner |
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18 Apr 02 - 05:17 AM (#692668) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: Ella who is Sooze I know who you are... whooo whooo whooo whooo arrrrrrrr! Very funny. Stay off the buckfast, I think you are getting dependant. E :-)
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18 Apr 02 - 05:24 AM (#692670) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,The Late Review Tom Paulin writes: "The underlying rhythm of these works jettison all earnest explication of the text - meaning, paraphrasable content, social and historical situation - and concentrate entirely on sound, cadence, metre, rhyme, form. I can imagine the guttural Ulster glottal stops of Eamonn's boastful lament as he sings to the world of his achievements. The use of "Breakfast" with its similarity to "Buckfast" draws the reader's attention to the gluttony of the subject, as does the mention of "gub" with its connotations of eating and drinking; the "shiny" screams of prosperity, of the money he makes. This thread of greed has the content mimicking the form - food as a subject, written on food wrappings. It invites me to picture the next stanza - I am Derek - scribbled on a wrap of speed, lying in the gutter; or Mise Shane incoherently scrawled on a beermat. What do you think, Germaine?" |
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18 Apr 02 - 09:30 AM (#692764) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Hugo Duncan Uncle Hugo here, how are yiz all doing. You put on the kettle and I'll bring the crame buns ohhh laaa. Now we have a wee letter here from Big Alec who says could ye play a request for the missus ye wee fat Straban bastard. Sure I will, I will, I will, for because your Uncle Hugo loves ye so he does. Now just keep the requests comin' here's Big Tom with his Achy Breaky heart, ohhhh laaa. |
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18 Apr 02 - 10:57 AM (#692845) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Seán Pól O Tuathail Me and de rest of the lads in frocks here in Rome have been tinking about making a conciliatory gesture to our separated bredren over in Drumcree. Well actually it was de American lads who tink our lot are getting a bad name for being too interested in little boys and tought we should brush up our image. So we've opened up a "comfort tent" staffed by a couple of Blue Nuns who will show de bredren a good time for a couple of fast bucks. We can't afford a pianna player, but de order's acid gregorian trance band "Cyanic sister" are doing background music. You can't miss it. Look for de tent with the little red altar lamp oustide, behind Bobby Molloy's Wig and Gavel Porter Tent, just to de left of de Gig Rig. |
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18 Apr 02 - 12:04 PM (#692915) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Bewildered What the hell is all this about? |
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18 Apr 02 - 01:13 PM (#692969) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Roger O'K Poor bewildered, my heart goes out to you. It's a Northern Ireland running joke which has taken on a life of its own. In fact it could arguably stake a claim to becoming a permathread, because it started off way off topic with someone who needed to get a load off his chest about current political issues by sharing it with fellow-mudcatters, but then mysteriously drifted bang onto topic by giving rise to a good dozen parodies, many of which are in the pure folk tradition of updating old songs to new circumstances. It's drifted back off for a while, but even when OT it contains numerous musicians' in jokes, many of which would be accessible to folkies who are not Irish - e.g. the obsession with the Corrs which permeates the Chiff & Fipple forums, or the inevitable bodhran abuse theme. I'm a newbie myself and still learning netiquette, so I'm still signing on as a guest, but Mudcat has been a revelation. At an early stage, when I was still aglow with gratitude for all the help which I'd got from Catters in finding words to a song, I posted a critical comment about someone lowering the tone of the site with some rather sharp political comments. But of course, I was the one who was wrong, because folk song (not least of the US variety) would be a mere shadow of itself if you took out the political content and commentary on current affairs. On a quiet day at work I went right back to the start of the Drumcree threads and read on from there, which is the only way to make sense of this magnificently surreal phenomenon. The original posting takes ages to download, and someone kindly put it up on a website at http://members.atozasia.com/munster/Drumcree1.htm (sorry about the unblue unclickiness) where it's much easier to print and read, if you're interested in Drumcree itself. If you want to know more about the Northern Ireland situation as a whole, another contributor to the thread posted the URL of a trustworthy online archive run by a university at http://cain.ulst.ac.uk/cainbgn/index.html - otherwise just skim through Brendy's magnum opus at the Drumcree site to get a flavour of the background then move on to where the fun begins at http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=43154 Beware, especially if you suffer from the German/American disease (spot the troll ;-) of literal-mindedness: not everything on this thread is to be taken at face value, and most if not all of the abuse is firmly tongue in cheek. Also, you will probably realise after a while that not all the postings in the name of famous musicians have necessarily been put up by the musicians in question. Likewise, Sean Pol O'Tuathail is Pope John Paul II, and he probably didn't really write the last posting. But if you can spare the time, it will expand your consciousness in ways you could never have imagined. And thanks to Mooman for encouraging me to go back to source on this mother and father of all threads (cue Iraq thread drift). |
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18 Apr 02 - 04:34 PM (#693099) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,The Begrudgers "D'ye hear thon Paulin one! Jaysis ... ye'd near think he'd ate a dictionary!" "Away outta thon! Sure thon wee stripe o' piss doesn't look like he ates anyhing. A good feed would do the crayter the very best! ... Mine yoo ... thon Eamonn Holmes boyo wud ate a dictionary if it was in front of him! Or an encyclopeeja. Or the good book itself!" "He wud in sowl! He's the boy wud ate, I dare say! He didn't get a hole on him thon size from sendin' the dinner plate till heez ma wi a cupla spuds still left on it!" "Not at all! The same boy wud ast if there wuz anawr drap left in the pot! The size of him! He's blew up like a poisoned pup!" "I'd say thon boy's champ wud be swimmin' in butter!" "Oh stop! Riverin' wi butter! And it drippin' aff heez oul wobbly chins!" "And then he'd let an oul' rift outta him and waddle on down to the Ashburn or the Silverwood to try to get his oul graisy kisser roun some wee drunk girl from out the country." "He's the fella to be watched. You mark my words, now! Oh, God! The thought of his graisy oul' chops bearin' down on ye! And the oul' smell of scallion champ on him. And Arctic Roll. And then maybe he'd have slapped a couple of dozen Baileys intill him, as well!" "It'd make ye bad, just thinkin' about it!" "It would, in sowl! Well, there's my bus. I'll see you again."
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18 Apr 02 - 04:56 PM (#693113) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Tarry Wig-On Mise Terry More falsely-haired than Sir Johnathan of Elton Great is my glory More Oirish (bejaysus) than Lord Doonasa O'Valican Great is my shame More Oirish (begorrah) than Squire Valican O'Doonasa Mise Téire More meeja-tarty than Garvaghy Glo |
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18 Apr 02 - 05:02 PM (#693119) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Spartacus Mise Spartacus! |
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18 Apr 02 - 05:03 PM (#693120) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,NO! Mise Spartacus! |
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18 Apr 02 - 05:04 PM (#693122) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,The v'ice o' rayson Now lads ... stap thon oul "Mise" carry-on! |
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18 Apr 02 - 10:03 PM (#693339) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison Right ni I'm well pissed aff.............. which wun of yews menshunned arctic roll??????? an me sittin' here in the arse end of nowhere an' no chance of gettin' a slab!! thon wuz jist mean!!!!!! |
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19 Apr 02 - 04:10 AM (#693493) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Mr Whippy the artic roll salesman Opening mail early in morning. Dear Mr Whippy, Please can ye get ye arse in gear there's a good wee man and bring me a bulk order o'artic rolls, I'm fair champin at the bit tae get me hands on a wee slab o the fair stuff. I'd pay daecent money and I can put ye up. Just don't tell Big Mick. Yours Sincerely Alison Aww, right I'm off. Hey Mrs Whippy, I'll be back in a couple o'days got an order tae deliver.
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19 Apr 02 - 04:18 AM (#693497) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,BBC Regional News Traffic in the bustling Home Counties market town of Por'ydoin was brought to a standstill today by a mass demonstration of at least thirteen placard-wielding folkies demanding permathread status for the Drumcree thread. A spokesperson for the demonstrators said that, apart from enabling contributors to the thread to dress normally, permathread status would at last give mudcatters the parody of steam which was rightfully theirs. He also indicated that the thread is now the object of serious academic research in the US, and observed that, given the amount of university shite that Joyce fella was responsible for, there must be the makings of a good dozen PhD theses in the thread already. Permathread status would also enable the local economy to benefit from spinoff summer school business, he stressed, adding: "them crowd in the Free State have sewn up the trade in intense Yanks in peculiar clothes for far too long". A PSNI spokesman confirmed that, thanks to the Force's new sensitivity training, the demonstration had passed off peacefully. |
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19 Apr 02 - 04:36 AM (#693504) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison what's that racket? I can hear "Greensleeves"....... oh great .....just what I need there's a "Mr Whippy" van doing wheelies in the street outside........ what does thon glipe think he's doing parkin' in my drive? |
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19 Apr 02 - 04:48 AM (#693510) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Mr Whippy, resplendant in Hawaiian hula shir Gooday cobba' Aw feckin greensleeves, ah go away an shite will ye. An I wanted Popeye's tune, but that gobshite Paddy McGinty went and got in the line before me. Right, Number 34 Ramsay Street, Allison. Ok, ah bulk order o'arctic rolls. Ah shite, blethering wee gobshites, go away, no ye can't have a 99, an oyster or a strawberry split. Now, right so. How am ah looking, just a wee blob o' spit and I'll get that tuft o hair in a nice partin, lets see, mah white coat is clean, shoes ok, tomato sauce off me chin. Ah, don't forget the pile of potato cakes and bacon under the highballs, this Allison woman said she did a mean ulster. ding dong. |
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19 Apr 02 - 05:05 AM (#693519) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Vatican Press spin doctor Vatican press release, Friday 19 April 2002 His holyness the big guy, ok wee short fella actually. Wishes to announce that he is distributing, 2 million bodhrans to all his diocese around the world. They are to be used by the priests in premarriage lessons, to practice the rhythm method. A strict jig beat will be imposed on all future engaged couples and a practise schedule of 2 months imposed prior to the impending date. Any couples straying from the jig beat, will have a fine levied upon them and will be disqualified for one week. None of that fancy syncopations stuff, it's been medically proven it makes you blind. Coupons for Mr Bottle Bottom the opticians are available on special dispensation. All enquiries for the aforementioned coupons are available on request, and will be treated with strictest confidentiality. In no way or form will this be used against you, but anything you say may be taken down and used as evidence. The Pope would like to thank his sponsor, a Mr Malachy Kearns who has taken refuge in the Church of the blessed saint around the corner from the Vatican. Here ends the press release. Mr. Alfonso Mario Grizado supermario Fiorelli |
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19 Apr 02 - 05:43 AM (#693533) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison aw fer fecks sake I'm tryin' tae watch "Home & away".... an' thon "Greensleeves" is drivin' me pur round the bend..... who's thon at my dure? ..... what? yew've brought me arctic roll? aw yew're a wee darlin' so ye are...... and thon' Ozzie accent doesn't fool me one bit... you must think my heads full of sweetie mice not to recognise thon' gorjus Belfast accent...... I haven't had arctic roll in so long............ I don't suppose I could coax a wee poke out of ye? |
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19 Apr 02 - 07:30 AM (#693580) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Christy Moore Mise Christy More bardlike am I than boul' Phelim Brady Great is my glory I who sung Cúnla and diddled my bodhrán Great is my shame Ride On to name but one example Mise Christy More plot-lost it seems than the boul' Paul Brady |
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19 Apr 02 - 07:32 AM (#693581) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Dan McCann Mise Dan McCann Funnier am I than Frank Carson Great is my glory I who dwell on the Bann's fair banks Great is my shame I perform my ablutions in a cooking vessel Mise Dan McCann Wee-er am I than Willie Carson (NB there is a prize of a clipe o' Yellow Leg, a hape of dulse and a sloat of Bailey's - as donated by everybody's favourite wobbly-arsed stage-Oirish broth of a boyo, Eamonn Holmes - to the first mudcatter who knows what in the name of Jaysus this wee piece is about!) |
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19 Apr 02 - 07:33 AM (#693582) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Tom Paulin Mise Paulin More poetic am I than the mop-haired Heaney Great is my vocabulary Tendentious, disingenuous, juxtaposition Overused is my catchphrase "It works on a number of levels" Mise Paulin More opinionated am I than Julie Burchill |
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19 Apr 02 - 07:35 AM (#693583) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,E****n C***y Mise bisho' Hornier am I than Flynn the swashbuckler Great is my glory At the heart of power in my Holy See Great is my shame My forbidden fruit is up the duff! Mise bisho' More banished am I than Boney to Elba |
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19 Apr 02 - 07:37 AM (#693584) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Tricia Mise Tricia Victim of the above archbisho' To God above I nightly wish I Wasn't lumbered with his heir and issue |
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19 Apr 02 - 07:38 AM (#693585) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,The Begrudgers "Lord help us! Would you listen to thon uns runnin' down the priests and bishops" "Indeed I hear them! The blackguards! Bad-mouthin' and rubbishin' the very people that risked death at the Mass-rock till bring us through the penal times." "They've no shame. That's what it is!" "You're right there, missus! Shame's a thing they're badly wantin'." "I mane. It's not as if there's not plenty they could red-up, if they had half a mind, and lave the clargy alone. Take Christy Moore for example!" "Oh, a rip!" "A rip, indeed! Had us all fooled for a wee minute into thinkin' he was a good oul' singer of good oul' songs. And the next thing you know he thinks he's a court jester! Don't forget your shovel, indeed!" "I wouldn't forget my shovel, missus! And I'd tell you where I'd shove it, too! Suas his owl hone is where I'd lose it! And Knock!" "Knock indeed! I'd knock him! Knock seven colours of shite out of him I would! And Ride On!" "Ride On me arse! What a dirge! And what's it all about anyway? Whoever writ a song till a horse anyways?" "Still and all, it could be worse! He could be Mary Black!" "Heaven bless us, but you've hit the spot there, missus. Thon Mary Black wan was a fly blade, too, wasn't she? Givin' us the pure drap for a bit and then next thing you know she thinks she's Celine Dion! She's near as bad as thon Maura O'Connell wan!" "Quit talkin'! Sure Dolores Keane's as bad. One minute she's singin' Galway Bay like it would tear your heart in flitters and the next thing she's got drummers and kayboord players behine her. Who does she think she is, anyways? Sinead O'Connor?" "Oh, don't start me on thon huzzy! Did you know she tore up a pixture of the Pope in America one time?" "What? Was the Pope in America? I've got a picture of him in Galway, bless him. Scooting about in thon Popemobile like he was on the dodgems at Omeath!" "No! Jaysus! She was in America and she tore up a pixture of the Pope." "Heavens! Even Paisley wouldn't be at the like of thon!" "Indeed. But there you go. These'ns think they've nothing to do on'y slag off the clargy! If y'ast me they'd be better off directin' their oul spleen where it's desarved!" "Like at Christy Moore!" "Well said, missus! Oh thon un was a rip!" "A rip indeed! Oh look, thon's my bus commin'! I'll see ya later!"
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19 Apr 02 - 10:52 AM (#693738) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison Dan McCann, I claim the prize... you can keep the dulce.. I'll just have yellow man thanks...... Dan, Dan's a funny wee man he washed his face in a frying pan combed his hair with a donkeys tail and scratched his belly with a big toe nail lol slainte alison |
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09 May 02 - 04:34 PM (#707644) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Bill Whelan and Davy Spillane BW : Davy, y'oul bollix! How're ye hangin'? DS : To the knees, Bill, as ever! BW : Y'are, so! Jayz, but thon's a great headband you've on you! DS : Thanks there, Bill. I always like to throw a bit of drapery roun' the head. I feel naked w'out an oul' duster, or a piece of curtain or a clipe o' me ma's apron, or something wrapped roun' th'oul' napper! BW : Well, whatever. Suits you till a T, so it does! Here, d'ye fancy a wee child's leg? (Offers a cigarette.) DS : Don't mind if I do, there! BW : Y'up till anything music-wise, there? DS : Funny enough, I'm jist puttin' the finishin' touches till an oul' concept thing. BW : G'way! What's the crack? DS : It's an attempt to set oul Englishy, Saxon-like folk-tales till Irish rebel music. BW : God alive! Thon sounds great! You're the powerful man for the concepts, Davy! DS : I've a great band working with me on it. BW : What are they called? DS : The Beowulf Tones. (Takes deep drag on child's leg ...) Y'up till anything much yourself? BW : I've a wee project I was working on. DS : Aye? BW : I was goin' to get 4 Men And A Dog back together again ... on ice! DS : On ice? BW : Aye! But you know me, Davy. Always one for the big spectacle, so I wanted to get the numbers up. So I was working on the 104 Men And A Dog concept! DS : Jayz! BW : Well 3 ordinary-sized men, a dog and 101 Ginos to be precise! But could I get ice thick enough till houl' them? DS : Did you try? BW : I did in sowl! Why do you think thon ice shelf broke away in th'Antarctic? DS : G'way! BW : They all got a wee bit excited at the start of The Kilfenora Jig and stompin' and leppin' about ... next thing they're floatin' up the Gulf Stream t'wards Inisheer! Voice From The Shadows : Did you find anybody to play the dog? BW : Who's that? VFTS : Never mind! Just answer the fockin' question! BW : Well, no as it happens! Had you anybody in mind? VFTS reveals itself to be Michael Flatley : Aye ... thon flat-footed harpie Jean Butler! FADE TO BLACK |
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09 May 02 - 08:19 PM (#707773) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,The Pope Settle yerselves there settle yerselves. There's bad craic goin' round now bout the clargy and I don't want yews people to be payin' it iny heed. Do yiz hear. Now when we get the perscriptions all made up now for the bodhrans it'll be keepin' peoples heads all aff the how's yer father...are yiz wime. Cause lets face it there's no feckin' rythmn in this country, know. Here Guido hand me that bottle will ye son. Ahh that's grand so it is. Nothin' like the Paddy tay slack the bladder wha? Where was a...aye up the Glens. |
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09 May 02 - 08:34 PM (#707779) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Irish Mary Och is it yerself missus. Och come on in luv. Watch that ould rug for its a death trap...it could put ye through the bannisters there if ye caught the right corner aff it. Ye haven't the wee bit of a feg on ye do ye luv. Am chokin' here. A haven't been down to the shap yet for the messages.(takes cigarette, lights and inhales deeply...has a body convulsing coughing fit) These feckin' things'll be the death a me. Sure they have me kilt with the lambego. Did ye hear the Pope on the wireless. A lovely wee man...a lovely wee man. Aye God love him but doesn't he have a fierce time aff it way some a them boys thats not priests atall, not priests atall. Sure some a them boys needs the red hot poker heh. Anyway luv I was kilt with an ould turn there last week. A didn't know which end a me till point at the boul. Couldn't keep a thing in me...not even a man (laughs hysterically). That's wile craic wha...hear shut that door luv ye know what their like round here. Come on an a'll put the kettle on. |
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10 May 02 - 07:41 AM (#708038) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Kathy Jordan and Sharon Shannon SS : How's she cuttin', there? KJ : Rightly, Shaz. Yourself? SS : Middlin' till raysinable! KJ : You cud be worse, then! Would like a suck on a wee Lambeg? (Offers SS a Sweet Afton.) SS : I'd ate the sufferin' hawn aff ye fer wan o' them yokes! (Lights up. Deep drag. Breathes two furious plumes of smoke from out her delicate wee nostrils.) KJ : Y'up tomuch music-wise, lately? SS : Divil the bit! The odd TV theme tune but fock all o' any use to man or baist. Yourself? KJ : Still howlin' an' batterin' the oul' bodhrán and leppin' roun' the stage like a demented eejit. But here, d'ye know what it is? SS : What? KJ : It's very weird, Shaz. But I've got this mad hankerin' for a beard! I don't think I'l ever be right less I get a big hairy gub on me! (Takes a huge drag on her feg!) What's thon all about, eh? SS : I think you've fell for a bit of dubliminal advertising, meself! FADE TO BLACK
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10 May 02 - 08:34 AM (#708060) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Christy Moore Ah, Jayziz … yous huv jist caught me writin' a new song! Let's see (strums a chord) … Don't forget yer bowler if ye walk through Portydown Don't forget yer brolly, case the rain is pishin' down When ye see a fenian gern yer gub and wear a frown Dal-de-deedle-do (Mutters till heesself.) No, no … that's not right! Let's see (strums a chord) Don't forget yer buckfast if you're marchin' on the twelfth And give us a wee sloat, there, b'y … don't keep it till yerself They say that it's a tonic, buy it's runin' me health Dal-de-deedle-do (Mutters away like an eejit.) Not at all, Christy. Let's see (strums a chord) I never met a man who ate more grub than Eamonn Holmes I never met a man could bate Tom Paulin at the pomes And poor oul' Paud Moloney gets mistaken for a gnome Dal-de-deedle-do Now we're cookin'! (Strums another chord) I never met a man before more reprobate than Shane In seen him once devour some stuff I use for clearin' drains An' it didn't bloody fizz on him, he roared out "Same again!" Dal-de-deedle-do And Barney's face is hairier than Father Ted's backside And Dan O'Donnell's singin' is a thing I can't abide And thon girls out of the Corrs, I'd like to give them all a … han' with their careers, ye dorty-minded pack o' hoor's melts! What did you think I wuz goin' till sing? Dal-de-deedle-do |
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13 May 02 - 07:56 AM (#710110) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Christy Moore Don't forget the puddin' if you cook for Eamonn Holmes He wuz roun' our house last Sunday; ate us out of house and home I caught him on heez han's and knees, eatin' the dog's bone Fal-de-deedle-do We had nettle champ for dinner, with butter in the hole We settled down to afters, a big oul' Arctic Roll He ast if there wuz seconds and he ate a dozen bowls Fal-de-deedle-do Don't forget the freshener when Eamonn hits the loo If he ates just leck a pig, then he smells just like one too He's upstairs with the Sunday World, he's at the Number Two Fal-de-deedle-do It came aroun' till three o'clock, sez I "We'll have a squib" Well he dribbled like a chil', I shud huv give the man a bib "Any chance there of a bikkie? There's nothing roun' my ribs!" Fal-de-deedle-do He ate a plate o' Wagon Wheels, some Kimberleys as well A stack of buttered Maries came, and on them Eamonn fell The state o' the place wi' bikkie crumbs, I hardly dare to tell Fal-de-deedle-do And then he lifted up a hip and made an awful roar The gases that did then ensue, t'was at my throat they tore It was like the soldiers' trenches in the 1914 war Fal-de-deedle-do Don't forget the shovel if you dine with Eamonn Holmes For sweetenin' his Punjana, then clearin' out the toilet bowl If he blitters fit to choke you, send the bingo-caller home Fal-de-deedle-do |
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13 May 02 - 07:59 AM (#710113) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Tom Paulin Jayziz, Christy. But thon's poetry, boy! I'll git y'invited on till The Late Review yet! |
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16 May 02 - 12:45 PM (#711678) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Christy Moore Don't forget your boat when you go sailin' on Lough Neagh Remember the punjana when you make a cup o' tay Better get a move-on else you'll cause us a delay Fal-de-deedle-do Gino is substantial, he is meaty and he's plump But he's not a bit like Eamonn Holmes, the lazy bloody lump Who looks like he's inflated with a giant bicycle pump Fal-de-deedle-do |
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16 May 02 - 02:17 PM (#711744) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Coyote Breath arrgh! I go travellin' for a couple a weeks and ya start in agin and I miss all the fun! |
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17 May 02 - 07:54 AM (#712204) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Paul Brady Thon new bit o' singin' I've just done with Altan has re-invigorated me. I've just come up with a re-working of thon oul' favourite o' mine, "Arthur McBride", but I've changed it roun' till it refers to the big-assed bingo-caller from Lurgan. Me and my cousin, one Mickey O'Loan Met up in Cafolla's with the boul' Eamonn Holmes A male in a café beats one made at home At least that's the gist of the theory We got a wee sate near the back of the place The slabbers was drippin' aff Eamonn's oul face The air it was thick with the sweet smell of gr'ase And it made us feel pleasant and cheery "What 're yez havin'?" the waitress then said "Fish suppers all roun', love. An' slices o' bread. An' big mugs o' tay." We're always well-fed, An' daycent an' hale an' contented Well, up came the grub, it was graisy as hell Yer mawn near combusted when he caught a smell Wi' heez knife and heez fork he was goin' pell-mell Like an eatin' machine was invented! Well he let out a rift when he'd cleaned heez oul' plate He sez "Jayziz, boys, thon oul' feedin' wuz great. I'm the mawn that is fon' o' a good drap o' mate An' thon wuz far better than nothin'! But nice as it wuz, I have to confess That the size o' the portions don't suit me the best For I have a stummick inside my oul' vest That takes a right bit o' stuffin'" So up came the waitress and Holmes, he said "Miss, There's many's the boys who would ask for a kiss But all I want aff you is a big lump o' fish Deep-fried in the crispiest batter And a big scoop o' chips, piled up in a moun' An' I don't give a damn if the cost is ten poun's For the money I'm earnin' would surely astoun' So a note here or there disn't matter!" So up then came seconds, and later came thirds Sez Eamonn "Sure, Jayziz I ate like a bird For they ate twice their weight every day, so I've heard" And then it was back to the feedin' For slabbers and gravy you'd scarce see his face His oul' double chin was covered in gr'ase He's the talk o' everyone in the place A kick up the hole's what he's needin' And then at the ice-cream when the suppers were done Oysters an' nougats and 99 cones The waitresses working themselves to the bone To keep the boul' Eamon in rations Pineapple minerals he drank by the score And oul' sarsaparilla, raspberry and more A gallon o' coffee when the 'ating was o'er "Ah, Jayziz, boys, thon was fair smashin'!" Then homeward he waddled till watch the TV "I hope there's a programme on, featurin' me" He thought as he sproghalled on his oul' settee Which groaned cos oul' Eamonn was bulky But all that was on was oul' Portydown Glo And Paulin the poet, on the Late Review show "There's damn all worth watchin'. To bed I will go." Sez Eamonn all tearful and sulky ….
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17 May 02 - 08:29 AM (#712233) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Len Graham I've just come across this wee song on my travels. It's to the same tune as "Skibereen". I hope you like it, now!
Oh father dear, I often hear you slag off Eamonn Holmes |
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17 May 02 - 09:04 AM (#712258) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Tom Paulin's latest pome THE BALLAD OF EAMONN THE BLOATED
In a mean abode on Garvaghy Road
As quick as a flash he ate up his hash |
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17 May 02 - 09:28 AM (#712271) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Tom Paulin Now me name it is Tom Paulin, poet great, poet great Now me name it is Tom Paulin, poet great Now me name it is Tom Paulin On the Late Review I'm hollerin' Cos the Arts are quite appallin', 'cept for me, I'm the best Cos the Arts are quite appallin', 'cept for me
Now it works on a number of levels, so I said, so I said
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17 May 02 - 04:42 PM (#712527) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Séamus Heaney Paulin … What a big, stinkin' hape of horse-shite! Thon wudn't pass muster, at all, at all! I've been spen'in' a quare bit o' time lately translating th'oul' Sweeney lyrics an' I reckon thon's as good as poetry gets. So, here, in Sweeney-style, I'll gi'e you a wee hawn till think wi' this one! Big is the ass to him Nine-times big and big again Bigger than the Gap of Dungloe Softer than the Bog of Allen Greedy is the gub on him Greedy for eatin' the diet of lords The hairy bacon of Galtee The gold butter of Kerry Tight is the shiny suit on him Tighter, in sowl, than the hangman's noose That choked the life From our glorious dead Shiny is the tight suit on him Shinier, in faith, than the seldom-seen sun Whose miserable warmth Keeps us this side of freezin' Dulcet his tones Sweeter than the breath of the maiden Emer That teases the neck Of Cuchulllain the brave Slimy his ways Slimier than the spawn of frogs That gather in spring In St. Brigid's Well Vain is he Vainer indeed than the dancer Flatley (Whose vanity Is a riddle, alright!) Great is his girth Girthsome indeed, aye nine times girthsome More girthsome by far Than the drummer Gino |
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17 May 02 - 04:43 PM (#712528) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,James Joyce Heaney … Sit down for Gawd's sake and watch how it's done You've heard of oul' Eamonn the guzzler He's beyond, he's calling the bingo He's dressed in a suit But I'd give him the boot For I can't have the craytur at all, Line up by the wall, Powder and ball, Watch the boy fall He once was a bit of a heart-throb He once had his pick of the Ashburn But now that he's stout And his charm has run out He's lost for a bit of a coort A blade in a skirt A bit of flirt A rowl in the dirt He's never out of Cafolla's He orders chips seven times over And sugary tay Five gallons a day And Baileys when out on the town He's drinkin' them down They pile on the poun's A tenner a roun' It's a pity he wasn't more humble Cos soon he will take an oul' tumble He's getting' too big Too much like a pig To last any more on TV They like their folks wee Like wee Tommy P A poet like me! |
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18 May 02 - 03:52 PM (#713021) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,- of De Auld School... Arrr, away wid ye! Dere's nin ev yez is a patch on The Milligan, for da pomes... |
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18 May 02 - 04:13 PM (#713030) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,fiosrach Did Queen Liz snub Drumcree on her recent Jubilee visit to N Ireland? I thought I would have seen a message from her here. |
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22 May 02 - 06:40 AM (#715180) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: Fibula Mattock Now available on the XBox: Drumcree game |
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22 May 02 - 07:23 AM (#715198) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: ard mhacha Fibula, What a great Site, I have one of those Orange Juicers and it bates the Classic stuff rotten, nearly as good as the Buckie. Ard Mhacha. |
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22 May 02 - 07:41 AM (#715206) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Diarmuid Gavin Jaysus! That Protestant Holy Water stuff is only bloody marvellous. I put a drop in my waterin' can and gave my Orange Lilies a good sprinklin'. They shot up like leeks! I'm orderin' it by the gallon! Cheers ... Diarmuid |
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22 May 02 - 07:44 AM (#715208) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Diarmuid Gavin Me again! Houl' fire on thon oul' Protestant Holy Water, boys! I gave my bed of shamrock a good oul' dose and it shrivelled up in seconds. Where do I get a refund? |
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22 May 02 - 07:48 AM (#715209) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: Fibula Mattock Och, Diarmuid, d'ye know I have a wee picture of you up on me noticeboard. I always did have a thing about them woolly-jumper, big-boot wearin' Irish Sons of the Soil. |
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22 May 02 - 07:55 AM (#715211) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Diarmuid Gavin Fibula ... There's many's the blade's fell for the twinkle in my eye, the burr in my voice and rugged good looks to me! But, to the matter in hand! Thon Protestant Holy Water ... I poured a wee drap on my collection of thistles. One half of them riz like Lazarus; the awr half cowped in a hape! What's that about, eh? |
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22 May 02 - 08:00 AM (#715212) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Frankie Gavin I'd just like it to be placed on record that I am no relation to Diarmuid Gavin. There is a slight resemblance in the tonsorial department, but that's where any similarity ends. Besides which he's pilin' on the beef now that he's never aff the telly. If he's not careful he'll blow up like a poisoned pup, much like Eamonn Holmes. |
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22 May 02 - 08:03 AM (#715217) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Diarmuid MacMurrough If yez had only but known that Ireland would rare boys the like o' Diarmuid Gavin and Eamonn Holmes, maybe yez woudn't ha' bin so hard on me in the past! |
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23 May 02 - 03:29 AM (#715894) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Consumer Complaint Dear prodshopper.com I tried some of the orange juice as advertised in your estimable organ. I want my money back. It was awful bitter! |
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30 May 02 - 07:08 AM (#720081) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery Man dear, but this oul' swimmin' can be a right lonely business! I was thinkin' th'awr night of a wee song to help pass the time. An' heavens above! If I didn't come up wi' this wee number! There was a wile colonial prod, McKittery was his name He was born and reared in Ulster, in a place called Killicomaine He loves the orange, hates the green, in marches oft he's trod And sorely do his brethren miss, the wile colonial prod At the age of forty-seven years, he set out from Drumcree To swim to far Australia, across the briny sea For he'd fallen for a fair one, and he swore t'Almighty God That she would get a good look-see at the wile colonial prod It was off Larne pier one fine spring morn, into the waves he div Not one care for his safety did brave McKittery give He struck out with such vigour, he was like a human cod We raised a cheer and downed a beer for the wile colonial prod While down by bonny Biscay-o, the weather blew up rough Other - aye, and tamer! - men, might well have had enough But the noble sons of Ulster honour sovereigns and fear God And a howlin' gale would not prevail with the wile colonial prod And passing by Gibral-a-tar, McKittery raised a fist And swore to help defend the boys, who on that rock, persist To claim the right to government by Liz to whom they nod And tug their loyal forelocks like the wile colonial prod And down the coast of Africky, he floated and he swum And up above was beaming down the equatorial sun "Each day is like the glorious 12th" mused Isaac as he trod Water off Nigeria – the wile colonial prod The story isn't over yet, it's barely halfway through For that valiant son of Orange, in his trunks red, white and blue Has many miles to swim till up some foreign beach he'll plod And then Ali can get pally with her wile colonial prod.
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30 May 02 - 07:38 AM (#720094) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,O'Farrell's Wlcome To Standing guard on the good ship "Libido" I nervouly eyed a torpedo Says my mate, "Don't be jittery; It's Isacc McKittery Swimmin' by in his union jack speedos" |
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30 May 02 - 09:36 PM (#720541) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison ....looking nervously at her watch ....... thon big hunk McKittery must have taken a wrong turn somewhere.... shurely it can't take this long 'til get here..... I'm quarin' lonely since thon nice Mr Whippy went away.... him an his artic rolls kep' me goin' fer a brave wee while.... mind yew Isaac still sends me luvly wee songs .... I jist wish he'd swim faster.... maybe I should hoist a red haun' down the docks so he can see where to head for....... |
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31 May 02 - 05:03 PM (#720764) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery Ye may quit lookin' at the watch, darlin'! The wea'er's quare'n bad aff the Capey Good Hope at the minute. So I'm holin' up for a wee bit with the staunch Boers. Good oul' Dutch stock, much like our Good King Bill! An' man dear ... haven't they the great ideas about keepin' th'oul tribes apart! If we had a few o' them yokes in charge in Storemount, there'd be better crack altogether! |
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01 Jun 02 - 11:45 PM (#721386) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: Hrothgar McKittery, Isaac: B+ for song writing. F- for geography and navigation. |
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04 Jun 02 - 04:42 PM (#723029) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery If wasn't for the fact that I'm up to my oxters in jellyfish, I'd rare up so I wud!
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05 Jun 02 - 07:56 AM (#723430) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery An' anawr thing! You can gi' me an F minus for jography if ye like, but I can tel you the difference atween The Birches and The Moy any day of the week! An atween The Boyne and The Shannon jist from the taste o'it! And atween The Liffey and The Lagan jist from the smell o' it! So don't you go dishin' out the marks for th'oul' jography when you wouldn't know The Falls from the Niagry Falls or Shillington's Bridge from Sydney Harbour! Keep 'er country, boy! |
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05 Jun 02 - 09:33 PM (#723980) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison aw fer gawd's sake...... if ye didn't blether so much ye'd go a lot faster....... yer gob is open so much yer swallyin' water...... if ye don't get yer arse in gear quare'n quick I'm goin' te take meself down the pub see if I can pull some half dacent Ozzie fella...... |
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06 Jun 02 - 12:06 AM (#724051) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: Hrothgar Which half has to be decent, Alison? |
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06 Jun 02 - 12:51 AM (#724061) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison that's for me to know and him to find out.......... lol |
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06 Jun 02 - 03:56 AM (#724108) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery Now you jist houl' yer tongue, there, Alison! Here's me, the flesh roasted aff me and hardly a day in the past few months that I haven't been leavin' a wake behin' me in my haste to get till th'oul' Austrailyee. And what am I goanny git for my efforts? A tongue-lashin'? Away o' that! Isaac McKittery's never took a bargin' from man, woman or baste. So, I'll tell you what till do, love. Why don't you link up with thon Viking boy you're slaggin' me aff in front o'? Wi' his big horny helmet. And his sheepskin trousers. And you can plait your hair in pigtails and ate candles till your heart's content! An' there's me after thinkin' you were the quare girl that wud suit a true blue!
Ah, sweet Portydown, where the gentle Bann flows,
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06 Jun 02 - 05:08 AM (#724133) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison quit yer whingin' ye big jessie.... sure yer over half way here.....and anyways if ye go back now the boys'll take a quare hand out of ye fer not makin' it all the way...... and shure... what use have I fer a big horny viking when I've got a real man like yerself.... there's something about the sight of man in orange speedos that fair gets the juices goin'.....(did you remember yer white gloves???)..... c'mon and I'll take yer mind off the jellyfish stings.... providing the sharks haven't got you by then...... |
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06 Jun 02 - 07:33 AM (#724194) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: An Pluiméir Ceolmhar Damn. Now that I've got my very own cookie I don't know how to sign in as Peter Benchley. Just wanted to suggest that Isaac has been jumping the shark all the time and won't have any stamina left in him to "honour" you by the time he reaches you, Alison. |
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06 Jun 02 - 07:58 AM (#724207) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery Don't you be stamina-ing me, you Irish-talkin' intervener! A wee bit of a doggy-paddle from Larne till Adelaide is like a length o' Lurgan pool till me! And don't "honour" me, boy! Isaac McKittery fears God and honours the King. And that's all the honourin' I'll be doin'. I declare to God, I'm a glad man that I turned back for sweet Killicomaine!
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06 Jun 02 - 10:08 AM (#724290) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Peter Benchley "Doggy-paddle", is it, ye dorty article? Ye'll be havin' a go at yon hump-backed wheals next. It'd answer ye better ta be sayin' yer prayers back at Drumcree. |
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06 Jun 02 - 01:44 PM (#724474) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: paddymac So, brudder Isaaaaaaaac, if a lady fair offers her honor ye'll not be honorin' her offer? If ye doan honor her offer ye'll not be on her and off a'tall, a'tall. |
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06 Jun 02 - 02:26 PM (#724500) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: MMario They don't call them hump-backs for nothin' now do they? |
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06 Jun 02 - 04:24 PM (#724668) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: Big Tim Good stuff! |
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06 Jun 02 - 04:31 PM (#724678) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Roy Keane McKittery you're a feckin' wanker and a crap swimmer. Actually a good wank would probably kill yee...and fuck Mick McCarthy...instead of Alison. Good luck. |
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06 Jun 02 - 11:02 PM (#724929) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: Hrothgar A+ for dog paddling, McKittery. B- for biology. |
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07 Jun 02 - 12:05 AM (#724961) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,ozmacca .......And in a last minute addition to tonight's Australian National News, an announcement has been made by the Prime Minister, Mr Howard, that the navy has been alerted folowing reports from coastal surveillance sub-contractors in a balloon over the Indian Ocean that an unidentified vessel of undoubtedly foreign origin has been sighted, apparently headed int the general direction of Australia. Mr Howard has described it as highly probable that this could be another boatload of illegal immigrants and queue-jumpers who pose a significant terrorist threat to the law-abiding Australian people. The friendly governments of Iraq, Iran and Iswam have been asked to provide temporary accomodation for any asylum seekers who make it through the ring of steel which is to be established by the Australian armed forces around our shores. Mr Ruddock, the Minister for eliminating Immigration has described this a humane act, intended to ensure that no unwanted starving, desperate foreign national may set foot on our soil, and have to be taken in to our detention centres. These have now been white-washed by the Commonwealth's special investigative body in response to the international demand for a fair and independent examination, but will not be ready to re-open until the paint dries. The entire Australian military establishment has been placed on a high state of readiness and all leave has been cancelled. Both rowing boats are to set to sea immediately with orders to find the incoming vessel, which is reported to have been exchanging signals in an unbreakable code with other unidentified sources. It is reported that they have orders to stop and board the vessel. |
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07 Jun 02 - 01:42 AM (#724999) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison so that's how it is, is it????.... you find a woman wi a wee bit of spirit in her... and she scares ye aff back til yer ma!!... what a waster!!! yer not the man I thought ye were at all Isaac.... shure even DerryaddSam had more balls than you....... he was no quitter!! now where did that nice Mr Whippy end up??????????? |
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07 Jun 02 - 05:24 AM (#725065) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Erin Copeland, Professor of Cetacean endosco I wouldn't trust a word from thon Howard. Coastal surveillance is it? Whistlin' with the whales? Don't get me started. With his high-ends and his big-ends an' all he wouldn't know the difference between an endoscope and a periscope. |
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07 Jun 02 - 09:29 AM (#725177) Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Australian Immigration Authorities We'll take no more! Time for Campsite at Drumcree V. |