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05 Mar 02 - 02:37 PM (#663195) Subject: seeking rounds/jokes from Wales From: GUEST,leeneia I'm seeking for two or three nice rounds from Wales to use at a Noson Lawon (sp) in May. The words can either be in English or Welsh. I'd also appreciate any good Welsh jokes to tell the St David's Welsh Society. I once posted a request for jokes to use at a Highland Games, and all I got was a mess of vulgarity, misogyny, and ethnic nastiness. So please, I'm looking for jokes that are actually funny. |
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05 Mar 02 - 02:42 PM (#663199) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: Clinton Hammond Well, if the Welsh I've met are any indication... They're all round... ;-) |
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05 Mar 02 - 02:44 PM (#663203) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: GUEST Baaaaaaaa!! |
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05 Mar 02 - 02:59 PM (#663217) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: greg stephens Yes, i know the problem. If there's anybody there from Cardiff, it's six pints of bitter, a large Grouse and a port and lemon. |
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05 Mar 02 - 03:09 PM (#663221) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: sian, west wales Problem is ... what do you do about the tunes? My favourite is Had Maip Mon, but would you know the tune?
Had maip Mo^n Then there are the translations to Welsh (so you'd know the tunes)
Ble mae Daniel, Ble mae Daniel?
Adra i ginio, adra i ginio Above to tune of Fire's Burning. Then to Kookaboro (or however that's spelt)...
Dyna ti yn eistedd, y deryn du And Dona Nobis Pacem is ... Dyro i ni heddwch. Notice outside a London theatre: "The part of the Welshman has been filled. The Dai is cast." Looking through my notes ... doesn't seem that many of my good 'uns are printable! sian |
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05 Mar 02 - 03:20 PM (#663224) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: greg stephens Well, a little more seriously (but not a lot) on rugger coaches we used to sing "Llanfairpwyllgwyngllgogerychyrndrobllllantisiliogogogoch" to the round tune Frere Jacques. Youhave a bung in a couple of extra quick notes in round Llantisiliogogogoch but that's part of the fun. A few beers help. |
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05 Mar 02 - 04:13 PM (#663252) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: Gareth try Here And Here And Here
Jokes, Ah thats difficult to find one thats clean, and understandable outside of Wales. But try this :- A certain Valleys Council had a meeting of the Parks and Recreation Committee. The discussion went on to discuss how they could increase the tourist trade. The Chairman of the Committee suggested that they clean up the Castel Moat, and put a Gondola on it. "And how much do Gondol's cost?" asked one veteran councillor. "Oh about £3000.00 each," was the reply. "Right" said the veteran councillor," I move we buy 2 Gondolas, and let them breed". Gareth |
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05 Mar 02 - 07:34 PM (#663345) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: Snuffy "I see Blodwyn's getting married" "Married, is it? I didn't know she was expecting" "She's not" "Oh, there's posh!" or
"Spring in the air, Mrs Jones." WassaiL! V |
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06 Mar 02 - 02:50 AM (#663479) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: GUEST Welsh Song title (suggested by Max Boyce) Knocking on Evans Door
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06 Mar 02 - 04:21 AM (#663494) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: Skipper Jack Two nieghbours used to make a shopping trip to town in every month. They used to take turns. One day, the Blodwen returned with the shopping and presented her neighbour Gwyneth with a lavatory brush. "The very thing for the toilet, the man told me. So I got one for you as well." The next day, Blodwen called Gwyneth over the garden wall, "What do you think of the lavatory brush then, marvellous innit? Gwyneth replied "I'm glad you think so, but I found it a bit rough! I think I'll stick using toilet paper, thank you very much!" |
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06 Mar 02 - 04:35 AM (#663502) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: Nigel Parsons There was alway a problem identifying men in the valleys, so many Davids, (all known as Dai) that nicknames were automatic. There was Dai eighteen months (he'd lost half a ear playing rugby) Dai Bungalow (he was so thick, people joked he had "bugger all upstairs"). Many named from their professions, such as Dai the Milk, and Dai the Post. So it happened that Ivan came on a secret mission to the valleys, Looking for David Jones. The first door he knocked at was answered by a young man who answered to the name of David Jones, and Ivan said "Red Sky at Night, Shepherd's delight". The young man replied "Oh no, you want Dai the Spy at No 43". |
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06 Mar 02 - 06:35 AM (#663532) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: GUEST After years of trying, Dai Evans was elected to the local council. At the party to celebrate, he became quite obnoxious with his new authority. His friends would slap him on the back and say, "Well done, Dai!". He would reply frostily, "It's not Dai, it's Councillor Evans, if you please." Eventually, he staggered off home. As he came in through the front door, his wife called from upstairs, "Is that you, Dai ?" "Certainly not", he replied. "It's Councillor Evans". "Well, you'd better be quick, then", she said. "Dai's due back any minute".
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06 Mar 02 - 03:05 PM (#663844) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: Gareth And there was the Rugby Match between two adjoining Villages. The Reverend Isaac Jenkins referee. The scores where level. Right in front of the posts the Scrum collapsed and the Reverend Jenkins blew for a penalty. Up came the full back to kick the Goal. He spoted the ball. Stood back, miskicked and the ball veered off away from the posts. "Bloody Hell" Said the full back. " Naughty" said the Reverend Jenkins, "You should ask The Lord to help you". 5 minutes later the same thing happened again. The full back swore, and again the Reverend Jenkins reproved him, and told him to seek the Lords help. It was the last few minutes before the final whistle. A penalty in front of the posts, up came the full back, kicked, and the ball veered off towards the corner flag. "Lord Please help me !" said the full back. And the sky darkened and an Angel appeared, caught the ball and fanned it between the post with its wings for 3 points. "Thank you Lord", said the full back. "Bloody Hell" said the Reverend Isaac Jenkins . Gareth, (and I know 'cos I was there.) |
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07 Mar 02 - 11:08 AM (#664205) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: GUEST,leeneia Yesterday I posted a message thanking you all for your contributions. It must have got lost in a black hole in cyberspace. Keep 'em coming. I'm enjoying this. |
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07 Mar 02 - 01:16 PM (#664311) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: HuwG Not strictly speaking songs, nor jokes neither, but a couple of poems which were quoted on a TV series named, "Poets and Pints", which was shown on BBC2 in the late seventies ?? in my comparative youth, anyway. The first was quoted by the much-missed comic, Ryan Davies, dedicated to Jemima Nicholas, and the other women who took part in the defeat of the French invaders at Carregwasted Point in 1798: The Women of Fishguard The Emperor Napoleon, He sent his ships of war, With spreading sails, to conquer Wales, And land on Fishguard's shore. But Jemima ! She was waiting, With her broomstick in her hand, And all the other women there, To guard their native land. For the Russians and the Prussians, He didn't give a damn, But he took on more than he bargained for, When he tried it on with Mam. Their cloaks were good red flannel, Their hats were black and tall, They looked just like brave soldiers, And were braver than them all. The Frenchmen took one look at them, And in panic they did flee, Cried, "Ooh-la-la !" and then, "Ta-ta", And jumped into the sea. And said to one another, As back to France they swam, "We'd have stayed at home, if we'd only known, That we'd have to take on Mam." The Emperor Napoleon, He was a man of note. His hat was sideways on his head, His hand inside his coat. When he heard the news from Fishguard, His sorrow was complete. He said, "Josephine ! What can it mean ? My soldiers 'ave been beat !" "I will make this proclamation: Though a conqueror I am, You may conquer all creation, But you'll never conquer Mam !"
The second was quoted by actor Philip Madoc: The Absolute End Introduction, from the Shell Guide to North Wales: "The visitor to North Wales will appreciate that, in architecture as in other matters, English standards do not apply."
"There's not a lot of architecture. The hills are steep. It often rains." And so on, in a helpful lecture, The guide book to North Wales explains. Sums up the scene in words appalling, That bring a tear to every eye, Like sentence of dread judgement falling, "English standards do not apply". Can such things be ? Can one give credence, To what these words so shameless state, That here, within our other Eden's Spare boundaries, we tolerate, Such scenes as these we see before us ? All precedents in chaos lie, When man and nature boldly chorus, "English standards do not apply". The scenery is often misty. Incessant rain blots out the view. The roads are narrow, dark and twisty, And so, some say, are the natives too. There is no doubt the end is nearer. From every crag there comes a cry, Ever louder, ever clearer, "English standards do not apply". The horns of Elfland, dimly calling. Near and far, you'll here them say, "The Gatling's jammed and the pound is falling!" Now listen to the tune they play. Now, God be thanked for the bitter weather, The Sabbaths when the pubs are dry. The stars of the morning sing together, "English standards do not apply".
I've no information on the original authors of these two. Any info. welcome. |
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08 Mar 02 - 09:39 AM (#665007) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: HuwG One last one, before I shut up. A Welsh lady, named Jones, dies and goes to Heaven. Saint Peter sighs at the thought of tracking down her antecedents and takes down the details. Finally, he gets to the question, "Is there a relative or close friend you believe to be in Heaven, whom we may contact for further details ?" "Yes", she replies, "My late husband Mr. Ephraim Jones". Saint Peter says, "Well, if you would care to take a seat for a couple of thousand years, I'm sure we'll find him among the countless multitudes of Welshmen named Jones we have in here. Has he any distinguishing marks or features ?" The lady says, "Well, he did say that if ever I was unfaithful to him, he'd spin in his grave." Peter says, "Oh, why didn't you say ! You must mean Jones the top !"
Iechyd day pob Cymri ... |
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08 Mar 02 - 11:08 AM (#665076) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: GUEST,leeneia Goodness, Huw, how did you manage to get down two poems heard on the telly? They are both good. Now I have one. My husband, (not Welsh) has a beautiful, deep bass voice, and he loves this story. A Welshman, Mr. Jones, told his friends he'd had a wonderful dream. He'd dreamed that he died. "What's wonderful about that?" his friends asked. "Oh,"he replied, "I dreamed I was in the heavenly choir - 5000 sopranos, 5000 altos, 5000 tenors and I. We were singing gloriously, but then St Peter tapped his baton on the podium and said 'A little less bass, Mr. Jones!'" |
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08 Mar 02 - 12:58 PM (#665158) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: HuwG The poems were also on an old LP I had, "Souvenirs of Wales", or something like that. I jotted them down before I disposed of my old turntable and vinyl.
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08 Mar 02 - 06:54 PM (#665436) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: Gareth And theres this, the anthem of South Wales Click 'Ere Gareth |
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09 Mar 02 - 10:03 AM (#665692) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: GUEST,leeneia Gareth: I see why Cosher's Engine has to be the anthem for South Wales, not North. Only in the south would Llanelli rhyme with belly. |
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09 Mar 02 - 10:23 AM (#665706) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: Snuffy Belly is made to rhyme with Llanelli, not the other way round |
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29 Jun 11 - 12:22 PM (#3178377) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: GUEST,Micksterdee I recall a story from Poems & Pints about a Welsh castaway... Dafydd Llewellyn was a castaway on an isolated island; the lone survivor of a banana boat from Barry. One day, whilst Dafydd was walking along the beach he spotted a distant smudge of smoke on thee horizon. He realised it was a ship and scurrieed around to find some kindling to make a fire. Having lit the fire, he jumped up and down on the sand to attract attention. Thee captain of the ship saw this and had a boat lowered to reach the island. As thee captain stepped ashore, emaciated Dafydd wept and hugged him. "Twenty-five years!" cried Dafyyd, "Twenty-five years on this accursed isle!" "How did you pass the time?" asked the captain. "Come with me!" said Dafydd, and took the captain to the top of a hill overlooking a valley. He pointed to two wooden structures down in the valley below. "See those? I built those!" The captain gasped in admiration "That's fantastic!" he said, "But what are they?" "What are they?" exclaimed Dafydd. WHAT ARE THEY???? CHAPELS of course! Two chapels!" "Dafydd... that's fantastic!" the captain replied. "But why two chapels?" "You see the one on the left?" said Dafydd (the captain nodded). "Welllll... that's the one I don't go to!" |
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29 Jun 11 - 03:11 PM (#3178514) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: Newport Boy Since this thread's been resuscitated, I heard this recently. Two ladies from Liverpool took a trip along the North Wales coast. Having crossed the Menai Straits, they stopped in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwrndrobwylllantisilioggogogoch for lunch. The waitress came to their table and asked "Are you ready to order?" "Yes, dear, but before we do, can you tell us very slowly where we are." The waitress leant forward and said: "Burr ---- gurr ------ King." |
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30 Jun 11 - 10:16 AM (#3179070) Subject: RE: Tune Req: seeking rounds from Wales From: GUEST,leeneia No, no Newport. That happened to two Illinois salesmen in Oconomowoc Wisconsin. Just teasing! Thanks for contributing. |