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07 Mar 02 - 11:47 AM (#664234) Subject: An age-old dilemma. From: Kim C Why is it that sex is easy, and talking is hard? |
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07 Mar 02 - 11:50 AM (#664237) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: little john cameron Beats me Kim,ah never had oney bother wi' either o them.ljc |
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07 Mar 02 - 11:57 AM (#664241) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Amos 1. The choices you have to make in talking are unbounded, while in sex they are limited. It is hard to make all the decisions in thought that are needed to say the right thing next. 2. There is an infinite number of wrong things to say, and undoing the damage is sometimes extremely painful. There is a very limited number of mistakes you can make with sex, and they are usually quickly put right! :<> ) 3. It is extremely easy to be painfully misunderstood in speech, given the highly volatile, plastic nature of the individual mind. The simple physical choices of action in sex are pretty unambiguous. 4. The rewards are much more obvious in sex and the fact that the rewards of reall communication can be a thousand times richer is easily overlooked. 5. In talking, you have to take care to respond correctly. In sex, the mechanisms are semi-automated. A |
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07 Mar 02 - 12:13 PM (#664257) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Kim C Wow, Amos, that's pretty good. |
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07 Mar 02 - 12:22 PM (#664264) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Jim Dixon Kim C: Count your blessings. With some of us, it's the opposite. |
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07 Mar 02 - 12:23 PM (#664265) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Bobert Yeah, great answers, Amos. Guess I'm one of the lucky ones, cause me and my wife, P-Vine, do well in both departments. Right, Honey?... Honey?... P-Vine?.... Danged... |
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07 Mar 02 - 12:48 PM (#664290) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: greg stephens I don't do either, I'm British and proud of it. |
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07 Mar 02 - 01:00 PM (#664299) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Kim C It just seems to me like sometimes talking is somehow more personal than sex, even though it ought to be the other way around. |
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07 Mar 02 - 01:21 PM (#664314) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: C-flat I like to talk about sex! |
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07 Mar 02 - 01:55 PM (#664337) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Kim C Come on, now, I'm serious. Why is it somehow more personal to say what's in you heart than it is to take off your clothes? I'm sure Amos isn't the only one who has any thoughts on the subject. |
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07 Mar 02 - 01:58 PM (#664338) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: gnu WHAT ? Could you repeat the answer ? Limited ? I would never sign a "limited" contract unless the limitations were limited. |
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07 Mar 02 - 03:09 PM (#664417) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Kim C oh, never mind... |
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07 Mar 02 - 03:29 PM (#664439) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Mr Red begs a question about a mouthful I found talking easy after divorce, after the endless silences I just had a lot of talking to do. Mind you there have been times since when discussion was being thwarted and at that point "nothing" is preferrable to negativity. But that person was a misanthrope at heart (did I say heart?) Just a thought but what happens when the sex is waning? Does that motivate to get the comms linked? of course one sided dialogue gets you no where. |
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07 Mar 02 - 04:14 PM (#664498) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Jerry Rasmussen Maybe the question is "Why is sex so easy and love so hard?" You can have sex with someone you don't even like. Mostly self-gratification, although even sex won't last long if that's all it is. Love is another story.
Or maybe the question is "What is sex without intimacy? Don't answer that one, Spaw...:-)
Sex AND love... now you're talking!!!! Jerry |
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07 Mar 02 - 04:17 PM (#664501) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Clinton Hammond Sex? Wazzat? :-) |
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07 Mar 02 - 04:58 PM (#664538) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Little Hawk I agree that sex is easy...so easy that even a congenital idiot can do it (manage the basics, I mean)...but what's hard about talking? There are some people who are hard to talk with, of course...is that what you mean? This is usually because they don't really see talking as a cooperative or a mutual activity, but rather as a war. (My father comes to mind...) On the other hand, there are a lot of people one might be quite happy to talk to, but not want to have sex with. I can think of thousands of people like that with no difficulty at all. Almost everyone I know, in fact. Therefore, I would suggest that sex is a more specific matter than talking, and a matter involving more discrimination (in the positive sense of the word). There are some subjects that are hard to broach...but there are some sex acts that are likewise hard to contemplate. Well, for me, anyway... I recall, for instance, a sexual position on this zodiac calendar I saw that I believe very few people could manage were they not members of the Hungarian Olympic gymnastic team. This is indeed a subject that has many ramifications, and I'm sure with a little work we can stretch the discussion of it out almost indefinitely. William Shatner finds either sex or talking about equally easy, by the way... - LH |
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07 Mar 02 - 05:05 PM (#664544) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Justa Picker The thing that I most looked forward to about getting married was that I'd be able to have sex....as often as she wanted. *g* |
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07 Mar 02 - 05:13 PM (#664550) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Little Hawk Yes. I recall the joke about "How do you get a ------- woman to stop bugging you for sex all the time?" Answer: "Marry her!" VERY politically incorrect. Fill the prejudice of your choice in the blank space...almost anything will do. :-) - LH |
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07 Mar 02 - 05:46 PM (#664585) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: CarolC Kim, if you're having trouble communicating, there may be some things that can help.
Sometimes, if the issues that need to be discussed are important to the relationship, a good counselor can help facilitate better communication.
And there are some good books available that can help people experience more effective communication. One that comes to mind is "Relationship Rescue" by Dr. Phil McGraw. Good luck with whatever it is that you need to accomplish. I hope it turns out well for you. |
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07 Mar 02 - 06:03 PM (#664605) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Kim C No, no, no, it's nothing like that. As I told someone earlier, it's just a musing, something some of us were pondering. Like why is the sky blue. Some people have a hard time expressing their thoughts in words, but have an easier time expressing themselves physically. Just wondering why. Maybe because different people see intimacy in different ways. Maybe it has nothing to do with bad communication, only different communication. Maybe I just answered my own question. |
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07 Mar 02 - 06:28 PM (#664626) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Little Hawk If you want to know why the sky is blue, just PM Wolfgang. For the talking and sex thing Bill Shatner is probably still the ultimate resource. A lot of the young men I knew in the early 70's were almost incapable of talking about anything but dope, but they were all interested in sex...between tokes, at least. The young women were less interested in dope, but seemed determined to find an inarticulate male pothead to hang around with for some reason. I'm not sure exactly what that reason was. I think it may have had something to do with status...not being seen as an "old maid" (or a virgin!)...that sort of thing. - LH |
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07 Mar 02 - 07:21 PM (#664666) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: gnu Mr Red.... begs a mouthful about a question. |
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07 Mar 02 - 07:53 PM (#664687) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: kendall If you live long enough, and you are reasonably intelligent, you learn to do both quite well. |
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07 Mar 02 - 07:54 PM (#664689) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: gnu words of hisdom |
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07 Mar 02 - 08:08 PM (#664697) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Dave T To me it's simple... The personal risk in sex, if safe and restricted to the physical act, is in baring the body. Talking (meaningfully) means baring the soul. For what it's worth, - Dave T |
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07 Mar 02 - 08:15 PM (#664703) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: The Pooka Greg Stephens, *LOL*. But surely you're wrong: Britain has produced many great conversationalists. :) (Now what's that one about 'just close your eyes and think of England'?) IMHO, talking is easy. *Listening* is hard. (Yeah, take it from one who knows.) As for sex, I'm with those who claim it's *not* always so easy. Take it from one who remembers. Dimly. |
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07 Mar 02 - 08:27 PM (#664710) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: gnu Speaking as a recently (three years) single fellow, sex is the last thing on my list of things I want to catch. It's an icidious disease which can lead to complications, like AIDS, syph, clap, love and the like. There's no cure for love. |
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07 Mar 02 - 08:40 PM (#664719) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: GUEST,Lyle Dave T hit a home run!! All you reveal about yourself in sex is gender and basic or advanced knowledge of the act, and if things go wrong, they can be rationalized away. BUT when you talk everything you say AND everything you leave unsaid reveals tons about YOU as an individual. And for some people self revelation is the last thing in the world they want. (The reasons for want to hide their true selves can be many and complex, and could be a whole new thread in itself.) Lyle |
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07 Mar 02 - 09:07 PM (#664739) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Amergin and here i was thinking it was going to be another "What is folk" thread..... |
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07 Mar 02 - 09:12 PM (#664742) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: gnu Well, it is about folking. |
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07 Mar 02 - 09:20 PM (#664751) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: lady penelope You can hide your 'true' self just as easily by talking as not talking. These are perpetual questions.
TTFN M"Lady P. : ) |
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07 Mar 02 - 09:46 PM (#664769) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Little Hawk kendall - Well said. - LH |
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07 Mar 02 - 09:58 PM (#664774) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Bullfrog Jones Maybe because, as a species, we've been having sex a lot longer than we've been talking? |
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07 Mar 02 - 10:12 PM (#664778) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Little Hawk That's a pretty safe bet. - LH |
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07 Mar 02 - 10:34 PM (#664790) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: mack/misophist "Getting yo know you" talk is easy. There is one topic that almost every one warms to instantly. Talk about the person you're with. We all find outselves fascinating. Except got me. I'm a boring clod. |
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08 Mar 02 - 09:48 AM (#665015) Subject: RE: BS: An age-old dilemma. From: Kim C DaveT and Lyle, that's what I was getting at. Thanks. :-) |