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15 Apr 02 - 11:56 PM (#690970) Subject: Eternal Questions From: Stephen L. Rich As folksinger, songwriters and general practioners or observers of folk arts and folk ways it is frequently our job to ponder and, at times, attempt to answer the Eternal Questions. What is the meaning of life? Is there a purpose to pain, suffering and death? Did Jimmy Buffet ever pay the mini-mart back? Where's the cream filling? If, indeed, it is better to light a candle why is cursing the dakness so much fun? How much wood COULD a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? And, most importantly... Why are folksingers such MERCILESS punsters? |
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15 Apr 02 - 11:59 PM (#690972) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull The meaning of life is 42, I am not sure about the rest of your questions but I am sure somebody here will be able to help you. |
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16 Apr 02 - 12:12 AM (#690979) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: DonMeixner A woodchuck would if a woodchuck could, chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could if a woodchuck could chuck wood. |
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16 Apr 02 - 12:15 AM (#690980) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Night Owl If our purpose in life is to help "others"......what do "others" do???? |
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16 Apr 02 - 12:21 AM (#690985) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Mudlark I don't know about the rest but I DO know where the cream filling is...it's squirting out the back of the bun as you bite down, thence down the front of your shirt...at least that is usually where MY cream filling is... |
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16 Apr 02 - 12:22 AM (#690986) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: katlaughing Why...they help udders, don't they?**BG** |
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16 Apr 02 - 12:24 AM (#690987) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: wysiwyg Mudlark, what you do is suck a little as you bite, and turn it around with each bite to keep the goop generally in the middle. As you can see, we gospel folksingers know it ALL. We never answer eternal questions, though; we just promise to pray for those asking them. *G* ~S~ |
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16 Apr 02 - 01:04 AM (#690998) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Amos Life doesn't come with a meaning; you have to add your own user-defined variables to make all the Interrupt Requests make sense. The purpose of death is to get back to life. Lighting a candle is more fun. Folksingers are punsters because they are Time Travelers and understand the endless river of considerations that lie behind the use of words better than most. So they goof around with it. Sixth graders do the same thing with bathroom jokes, because they've just gotten confident enough about toilet trianing not to worry about it. A |
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16 Apr 02 - 03:06 AM (#691032) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: mack/misophist There was once a man named Wittgenstein who did the most excruciating study of English grammar ever. And determined that ALL the great questions of philosophy were grammatical errors. The correct answer is indeed 42. |
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16 Apr 02 - 05:09 AM (#691080) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Stephen L. Rich Amos, That is the most intelligent and coherent answer I've ever recieved to the pun question. My semi-cynical joke aside, I agree completely with you about the candle. |
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16 Apr 02 - 06:26 AM (#691121) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: McGrath of Harlow You left out "What is folk?" |
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16 Apr 02 - 06:28 AM (#691123) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Nigel Parsons Never mind the woodchuck; What noise annoys an oyster ? |
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16 Apr 02 - 06:29 AM (#691125) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Stephen L. Rich "What is folk?" is being covered in another thread. |
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16 Apr 02 - 06:47 AM (#691132) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Hrothgar I tell you, boys, a noisy noise annoys an oyster most. |
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16 Apr 02 - 06:50 AM (#691133) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: McGrath of Harlow "What is folk?" is being covered in another thread.
Eternally. |
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16 Apr 02 - 06:56 AM (#691136) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: kendall How high is up? Why is a crow? |
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16 Apr 02 - 06:57 AM (#691137) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Micca And you also ommitted from your list "Would you prefer to be in the light with the 5 wise Virgins, or in the Dark with the 5 foolish???" |
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16 Apr 02 - 07:04 AM (#691142) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Hrothgar What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? |
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16 Apr 02 - 07:05 AM (#691144) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Nigel Parsons The five foolish virgins were, originally, in the light. They were only in the dark when the bridegroom came! But you would be safer with them because the wise virgins believed in trimming wicks! |
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16 Apr 02 - 07:24 AM (#691152) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Fibula Mattock When you toast brown bread, how do you know when it's done? What would you rather be or a wasp? |
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16 Apr 02 - 08:14 AM (#691169) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: artbrooks Is there life on Venus, have we lost control, what's in tortellini, and why can't Johnny bowl? |
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16 Apr 02 - 08:57 AM (#691190) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Amos Wittgenstein was a jerk, frankly. A |
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16 Apr 02 - 09:22 AM (#691224) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: SharonA Funny you should mention eternal questions, Stephen; I just received an e-mail list of "Imponderables" from a friend yesterday: 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? 3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 6. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in... what happens to the other penny? 7. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? 9. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? 10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist? 11. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? 12. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? 13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, why aren't electricians delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? 14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? 15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? 16. Since American mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? 17. How come no one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning? 18. What would the speed of lightning be if it didn't zigzag? 19. If you played a blank tape at full blast, would it bother the mime next door? 20. Think about Preparation H. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? |
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16 Apr 02 - 09:27 AM (#691228) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: greg stephens what songs did the sirens sing |
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16 Apr 02 - 11:19 AM (#691284) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Amos Sharon: If you take a map and crumple it up, it still has all the streetnames on it but they appear out of alignment with reality to someone loking for a flat two dimensional map. Most of your imponderables are just semantic map-crumples. Greg -- I believe it was "Unchained Melody". Art: Which Venus? Yes, "we" have lost control to "them" -- get used to it!! Tortelloni contains fat, starch, flour and salt. It's very nutritious. Johny can't bowl because he doesn't understand bowl movements. That seems obvious enough!! :>) A |
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16 Apr 02 - 11:29 AM (#691293) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Liz the Squeak I could play my part in life a lot better if I had a copy of the script..... LTS |
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16 Apr 02 - 02:36 PM (#691358) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: katlaughing Are you living to keep from dying, or do you live because you want to be alive? Not necessarily imponderable, but a valid question, if one really thinks about it. Most people focus on not wanting to die, instead of on living. Sharon, those would have been more fun without the references to "Orientals" and "toothpicks.":-( kat |
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16 Apr 02 - 02:59 PM (#691383) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Mrrzy In answer to what is a whack, it's a drop of candle wax. The singular of wax, in other words. I found this out when I accidentally dripped some red wax on Timmie, who asked Is it blood? I said no, candle wax; he then asked, well, why did it whack ME? |
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16 Apr 02 - 03:45 PM (#691428) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Les from Hull Cursing in the dark is fun. You can always claim that it was someone else. |
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16 Apr 02 - 03:53 PM (#691434) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: greg stephens katlaughing: does "toothpicks" mean something unmentionable wherever you live? I can't understand your letter. Please enlighten. |
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16 Apr 02 - 03:56 PM (#691436) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: SharonA kat: Sorry; I guess I should have edited what my friend sent to me before posting it here. Amos: ...or perhaps I should not have posted it here at all? |
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16 Apr 02 - 04:15 PM (#691451) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: SharonA Greg: The toothpicks, as I understand the joke, are supposed to be miniature chopsticks for feeding the babies of people who traditionally eat with chopsticks. I thought it was cute (miniature flatware, miniature chopsticks) but kat sees it as an ethnic slur. Likewise the disoriented Oriental pun. I wasn't aware that "Oriental" is not PC, and again had no intention of making an ethnic slur. Now if you all will pardon me, I'll go re-read the "Santiana" thead with McGrath's link to the version of the shanty with the lyric about "knocking them yellow girls two at a time" in it. Sheesh! |
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16 Apr 02 - 04:16 PM (#691452) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Kenny B (inactive) Why are fire engines red? Was PC49 politically correct and what was the signicance of 49.? And did they ever decide whether the Ambulance should be "Down in the Valley" But seriously, many many years ago I heard a comedian called Vic Oliver on Worker's Playtime doing a monologue of why a fire engine is red but I have never heard it since . xx I can hear you saying "I wonder why?" TTFN Kenny B
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16 Apr 02 - 04:27 PM (#691459) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: RolyH This morning I bit into a doughnut,only to discover there was no jam inside "Oh well",I thought,"Life's like that" And it is! |
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16 Apr 02 - 04:33 PM (#691466) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Kenny B (inactive) Three cheers for Google, here it is
A Fire Engine's Red. |
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16 Apr 02 - 04:37 PM (#691467) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: GUEST,greg stephens SharonA..that's what I thought you meant about toothpicks...that's wy I wondered what katlaughing meant. Is it some kind of ethnic slur? I can't see how it could be, so I wonderedif there was some kind of vulgarity in the word toothpick I was unaware of. I'm still none the wiser? |
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16 Apr 02 - 04:50 PM (#691475) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Kenny B (inactive) Amswers to PC 49 Click here |
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16 Apr 02 - 06:01 PM (#691519) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Stephen L. Rich I also forgot to include "Do you walk to work or carry your lunch?" |
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16 Apr 02 - 06:13 PM (#691527) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Stephen L. Rich Sharon, No matter what anyone says puns are not ethnic slurs. The very nature of puns renders the original meanings of the words, for lack of a better term, meaningless. I thought it was hilarious. The question about wise men as opposed to wiseguys reminded me of this one. Why are a "slim chance" and a "fat chance" the same thing? |
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16 Apr 02 - 06:28 PM (#691543) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: SharonA Thanks, Stephen. |
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16 Apr 02 - 06:38 PM (#691552) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Bill D If a hen-and-a-half could lay an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how long would it take a cross-eyed grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? ...you want the meaning of life? I'll soon post the meaning of life! 42!..BAH! that's just another Urban Legend! When I was younger, they said "life is a 3-legged kettle"...then they said "life is a fountain"...silly Zen balderdash!..... now ya'll just hold on...I'll get a candle and head down to the archives in the catacombs and fetch the definitive book on the meaning of life!.. *mumble, mumble*...Oahspe, no...that's not it..The Urantia Book...nope, WAY too complex....ah...there it is! ....now to scan it so the folks will have the complete set of answers to it all.... .......soon now........... |
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16 Apr 02 - 06:50 PM (#691562) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: katlaughing I thought it was the boob book, BillD? No?**BG** Sharon, it was just my opinion; didn't need to go on and on about it. Last I knew I had a right to express my opinion and to answer any questions about what I've posted. It may be a pun and funny to some; I was just saying it was not funny to me. kat |
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16 Apr 02 - 07:19 PM (#691577) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Amos Sharon: No. no!! I thought it was funny -- I was just being a wiseacre. You should know me that well by now!! LOL!! And as for toohpicks, well, I thought it was funny too! They actually get disoccidented, I think. Opps! Slur on Occidentals....sorry!! My bad. Ooooooo..... :>) A |
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16 Apr 02 - 08:01 PM (#691605) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Celtic Soul I like my Fathers answer to many of the questions of life: "Chogagogmanchogagogchabunagungamog" It's the name of a lake someplace in New England (obviously borrowed from one of the Native American languages), and it means "I'll fish on my side, you fish on your side, nobody fishes in the middle". Or, as I read that: play nice, share some, and leave a little space for privacy.
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16 Apr 02 - 08:13 PM (#691619) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Bill D .....*puff, puff...pant,pant*.....cain't climb them stairs like I uster, folks.. ok, here you go...1st installment on The Meaning(s)of Life ..now, mind you, as a card-carrying **Philosopher**..(actually made $2000 at it as a grad student!), I have been persuing this question for many years, so who better to provide enlightenment?... |
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16 Apr 02 - 08:17 PM (#691622) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Bill D whut the heck?..Is THAT as big as they make them pictures?...I need to do some editing!! |
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16 Apr 02 - 09:02 PM (#691652) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Bill D ok...I think we got 'em all viewable now...It pays to do experiments before you trust technology! (Most browsers will even enlarge a bit more, if necessary) |
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16 Apr 02 - 10:40 PM (#691719) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Stephen L. Rich Bill D, nice touch. |
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17 Apr 02 - 04:30 AM (#691860) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Trevor Why do 'flammable' and 'inflammable' mean the same thing? |
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17 Apr 02 - 07:01 PM (#692412) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: SharonA Celtic Soul: Now there's an Eternal Question – how do you spell "Chogagogmanchogagogchabunagungamog"? On this page, it's got a similar spelling, "Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg." There's also a map of the lake of the same name: http://tompayne.dsl.speakeasy.net/tompayne/sigep/lake.htm This site, with a photo of said lake, says the word was coined by the Nipmucks, but it inserts an extra "gag" (or is it "gog"?) into the name: http://www.net1plus.com/users/websterpd/webster_lake.htm This blurb says that the word is from the Algonquin (is that the same as Nipmuck? or was one a tribe and the other a clan of that tribe?): http://www.roadtripamerica.com/signs/chargogg.htm Some of these sites refer to the lake in question as being currently named Lake Webster, but this site says it's locally known as Lake Manchaug: http://www.mchs.net/MCHSLIB/HTML/didknow4.html And finally, an answer to what I thought would be another Eternal Question, "What is the proper term for a word like Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg (besides 'long')?" It's called a hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian, according to this site: http://jewel.morgan.edu/~salimian/humor/humor_203.html |
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17 Apr 02 - 07:03 PM (#692413) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Amos Wow!! Sharon, you're a whiz!! But what does it all mean? A |
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17 Apr 02 - 07:26 PM (#692435) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: SharonA Amos: LOL! Hopefully it all means the same thing, no matter how it's spelled: "You fish on your side, I fish on my side, nobody fishes in the middle" (although that last link says, "You fish on the left side, I fish on the right side, nobody fishes in the middle"). Every reference I looked at listed the "you" first and the "I" second, so presumably that part's accurate! BTW, I found references that list Algonquin (or Algonkin) as a tribe and Nipmuc as a nation of that tribe. Now that I've beaten that subject into the ground, whatever shall I obsess about next??? (I'm sure I'll find something; I always do!) (sorry, kat, I do go on, I guess...) |
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17 Apr 02 - 07:49 PM (#692461) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: artbrooks Well, I'd like to know if the Welsh Llanfairpwllgwyngyll gogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch, which means "The church of St. Mary in the hollow of white hazel trees near the rapid whirlpool by St. Tysilio's of the red cave" is the longest place name in the world, or is it New Zealand's Tetaumatawhakatangihangakoauaotamate aurehaeaturipukapihimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuaakitanarahu, meaning The place where Tamatea, the man with the big knees, who slid, climbed, and swallowed mountains, known as land eater, played his flute to his loved one? And who cares? |
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17 Apr 02 - 08:50 PM (#692486) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Celtic Soul WOW, Sharon!! Well spotted! I am sure your spelling(s) are more accurate, as I did not bother to look it up personally. I just spelled it phonetically from how my Father used to pronounce it, and he's a New Englander (hence the loss of the "r" sound in my spelling). Thanks! |
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17 Apr 02 - 09:03 PM (#692492) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Big John Twixt the optimist and the pessimist the difference is droll, The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole. |
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17 Apr 02 - 09:15 PM (#692503) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: rangeroger 42 is the answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything, not the meaning of life. And something is out of whack when you have to give it a whack to get it to work right. rr |
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17 Apr 02 - 09:48 PM (#692528) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Stephen L. Rich I suppose that when I started this I should have seen the Douglas Adams allusions coming. It reminds me, however of the mathematician who not only lost his tenure but was burried up to his lower lip in blue oatmeal for thirty years for claiming not only to have calculated the exact curvature of the universe but to have dicovered, in the process, that the universe is, in fact, an immense cul-de-sac. |
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17 Apr 02 - 10:42 PM (#692548) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Amos Which leaves open the question -- off what intersection it is -- or the nearest cross street? A
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17 Apr 02 - 10:52 PM (#692554) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Stephen L. Rich Why do you think they burried him in oatmeal? |
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17 Apr 02 - 11:02 PM (#692560) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Big Mick 1. How about them Mets? 2. Will the Detroit Lions ever make it past the first round of the playoffs, let alone go to a Super Bowl? 3. Why, every time I play the Uilleann pipes, does every female cat within 6 miles come running for my door with the "come hither" look in their eyes? 4. Will I ever see 190 lbs. again? |
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18 Apr 02 - 04:50 AM (#692657) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Nigel Parsons Big John, surely a pessimist is someone who, on smelling flowers, looks for a funeral! The Hippopotomon.... page referenced by SharonA gives the Welsh place name "Llanfairpwll..." as containing 58 letters. Unfortunately this is a slight exaggeration. It contains only 52, as both 'Ll' and 'ch' are individual letters in the Welsh alphabet. Sneaky quiz question, how many times does the letter 'l' appear in the placename "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgorgerychwyrndrowllllantysiliogogogoch" ? Answer, once only, in 'Llantysilio' |
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19 Apr 02 - 03:00 AM (#693467) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Hrothgar After all that, Sharon, maybe you need a spell! |
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19 Apr 02 - 04:49 AM (#693512) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Trevor So why DO flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? |
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19 Apr 02 - 04:53 AM (#693514) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Nigel Parsons So as not to confuse them with "non-flammable", and "non-imflammable". Isn't that obvious ??? |
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19 Apr 02 - 05:59 AM (#693542) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: GUEST,micca at work Pedantry Warning Trevor, here is the definition, as given in the Yahoo on-line dictionary " Historically, flammable and inflammable mean the same thing. However, the presence of the prefix in– has misled many people into assuming that inflammable means "not flammable" or "noncombustible." The prefix –in in inflammable is not, however, the Latin negative prefix –in, which is related to the English –un and appears in such words as indecent and inglorious. Rather, this –in is an intensive prefix derived from the Latin preposition in. This prefix also appears in the word enflame. But many people are not aware of this derivation, and for clarity's sake it is advisable to use only flammable to give warnings. " |
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19 Apr 02 - 07:29 AM (#693579) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Joe in the'pool Just a little poem about the eternal question? MOTHS where would we be if we could not see life without gain what will we feel when we learn to heal life without pain. Joe |
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19 Apr 02 - 08:02 AM (#693607) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Midchuck Mudlark, what you do is suck a little as you bite, and turn it around with each bite to keep the goop generally in the middle. Susan, have you considered a career in marriage counseling? Peter. |
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19 Apr 02 - 08:04 AM (#693608) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Trevor Thanks Micca and Nigel. Now that I'm clear on that the only thing remaining is how you play bar chords when you've got little stubby fingers. |
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19 Apr 02 - 08:15 AM (#693623) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Micca Trevor, go to the pub, then EVERY chord you play.......... |
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19 Apr 02 - 03:15 PM (#693897) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Pseudolus OK, I really need to know, is the meaning of life REALLY 42? Cause I'm 43 years old and if the meaning of life is 42, I'm a little pissed off that no one told me last year when I coulda enjoyed it!!!! And I thought you people were my friends!!!!! sheesh! Missing by a year really sucks, much like wysiwyg's advice! *BG*
Frank |
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19 Apr 02 - 03:46 PM (#693916) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Deda Well, yes BUT... How long IS a piece of string? And how deep is a hole? Let's keep our priorities straight. |
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19 Apr 02 - 05:08 PM (#693975) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Amos It is 42, but nbot 42 YEARS, Pseud!! You haven't missed it yet!! It's 42 something else!! You're right on the spot, right now!! Start!! A |
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19 Apr 02 - 08:42 PM (#694074) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Celtic Soul Amos asks: "Which leaves open the question -- off what intersection it is -- or the nearest cross street?" Doing a mapquest, hon? :::snicker!!::: ;D |
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19 Apr 02 - 09:26 PM (#694092) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Amos Well, CS, I figure we all take the Cosmic journey sometime, and I don't want to have to be the one to stop and ask for directions!! LOL! A |
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22 Apr 02 - 12:48 PM (#695657) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Pseudolus Well Amos, I hope it happens soon before I'm too old to enjoy it!!!
Frank |
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22 Apr 02 - 02:00 PM (#695744) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: JenBurdoo For those of you who watch Star Trek, the number 47 comes up a lot (47 ships, 47 particles, Deck 47). It's a running gag. I've heard it said that it's the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything...adjusted for inflation. |
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22 Apr 02 - 04:04 PM (#695863) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Pseudolus Cool, just in case Amos is wrong and it IS years, maybe I'm still early!!! Frank |
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22 Apr 02 - 05:48 PM (#695943) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Art Thieme How many poles can a polock lock if a polock could lock poles? The answer my friend is blowing out your end, The answer is blowing in the wind. Art Thieme |
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22 Apr 02 - 07:02 PM (#696008) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: SharonA Hey, how come the PC Police haven't come for Art? (or have they given up on him? *G*) |
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22 Apr 02 - 08:09 PM (#696050) Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Amos He bought htem off with a long list of dirty woprds they'd never heard of before!! LOL!! No-one gets to make Art anything Art doesn't wanna be. And I don't know much about Art, but I do know what I like, and it is he!! :>) A |