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Intros and heckles

18 Apr 02 - 08:55 AM (#692745)
Subject: Intros and heckles
From: Trevor

I know there have been previous threads on this but this site is worth a look (thanks for the lead Watson!)

18 Apr 02 - 09:03 AM (#692749)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: Watson

My pleasure Trevor. None of mine there, but I don't suppose it's all that noteworthy standing at the bar and calling "A pint of Banks's please."

18 Apr 02 - 09:51 AM (#692787)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: Dave Bryant

Some of my favourites are:

I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

Stand over there - the wall's plastered too !

Don't try and heckle me, lad - I'm a pro - just like your mum was.

To a punter who kept whistling loudly at the end of songs (I assume because he liked them - but it got on my nerves) - If you're looking for your dog, I think I saw him on the motorway - try whistling in the fast lane.

Some years ago, when Cyril Tawney had a rather large beer gut, a member of the audience was heard to say, "If that belly was on a woman, I know what I'd say". Cyril retorted, "It was last night, what have you got to say then lad ?".

Finally, I heard a comedian relating how he was doing a gig in Norfolk and made several jokes about Bernard Matthews (a well-known Norfolk turkey breeder - for non-UK Catters). A rather drunk young man got up and objected, saying that he was Mr Matthews' son. "Sorry", said the comedian, "I thought he only stuffed turkeys !".

18 Apr 02 - 10:39 AM (#692830)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: GUEST,Firecat at college

That was fantastic! I got a few funny looks when I was reading them though!

18 Apr 02 - 03:52 PM (#693074)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: GUEST,allen woodpecker

Unintentional heckle. After a storming first half at Edinburgh F.C. by Kalinka Vulchyeva recently, the compere (German Paddy for those who know) took to the stage applauding, grabbed the mike and said "Terrible!" in that enthusiastic way of his. It turns out he meant to say "Terrific, incredible". Even the pros get it wrong occasionally.

18 Apr 02 - 05:04 PM (#693121)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: GUEST,jonesey

Once responding to a heckler Jethro Burns said, "Son, it'd be like takin' candy from a baby." With that big 'Jethro' grin.

18 Apr 02 - 07:30 PM (#693237)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: McGrath of Harlow

That's a good folk club site there that Trevor linked to, even apart from the heckles.

18 Apr 02 - 08:45 PM (#693282)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: Stephen L. Rich

Years ago, in a venue called "The Spot" in Evanston, IL (a place which has, alas, gone the way of all things)ayoung man (whose name escapes me at the moment. If i remember it later I'll post it) stood on the stage telling a long, meandering story (to inroduce what turned out to be a very short song). The longer the storyu wnt on , the more bored and annoyed the audience became. Finally, some body stood up in the back and yelled, "SING SONGS!!!" The young man leaned into the microphone, looked the heckler directly in the eye and yelled, "DRINK BEER!!!"

it's one of the best saves I have ever seen.

18 Apr 02 - 08:45 PM (#693283)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: Celtic Soul

There's always the old standards:

"I remember *my* first beer too!"


"Do I come and annoy you at work while you're pouring the slurpies?"

19 Apr 02 - 12:47 AM (#693414)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: Troll

My personal favorit:
Why don't you save your breath for your inflatable date.
I remember you. you were here last night. I never forget a shirt.
What's that? Oh, I'm sorry. You were trying to heckle me and I missed it. Guess I wasn't paying atteneion.


19 Apr 02 - 01:39 AM (#693442)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: GUEST,Dagenham Doc

I've found over the years that my best way of dealing with heckles is either ignore it, especially if there is nothing you can do with it. If it is something you can use back, do so, but only if you have a good return. There's nothing worse than a limp reply from the performer. Or if the heckle is a good one just let it come and enjoy the laugh. After all you are the one up there and the audience are usually on your side. I had a memorable one thrown at me some time ago now.It was only in fun but also funny. I called out "Can you hear me at the back?" and the reply came " Yes, but I'm happy to swap places with someone who can't!"


19 Apr 02 - 07:23 AM (#693576)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: kendall

I think I posted this somewhere before some time back, but, I'll do it again. Some years ago, I was doing a bluegrass festival, and the promoter asked me to sing an old song about a dog. I was introducing it, and this drunk in the front row stood up and yelled, D-O-G dog. I can spell cat too C-A-T ! finally, he realized that I was staring at him, and when he stopped yapping, I said to him, "Keep going, I cant wait for you to get to Chrysanthemum." The audience roared, and he left looking at the ground. Some time later I got a tape in the mail; someone taped that exchange.

19 Apr 02 - 07:52 AM (#693596)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: Hamish

Much as I love these, I can't help thinking that ritual public humiliation of the audience isn't such a great strategy. I tend to agree with Dagenhem Doc. If it's a funny heckle, then they're helping. It's when they ignore me I know I'm in trouble. I don't think I've ever suffered really malicious heckling. Or maybe I just haven't recognised it...

20 Apr 02 - 12:28 AM (#694149)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: John P

The best heckle I ever got was when I was playing in a pseudo-medieval band, wearing costumes and doing funny songs. One night we got heckled by a medieval musicologist who was sitting at the bar drinking WAY too much. He bellowed at us because we were using A=440 instead of A=415 or some such, because we changed keys in the middle of a song, because I was playing harmonics on the mandola. It was very strange.


20 Apr 02 - 02:49 AM (#694179)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: Les Jones

It's a scarry thing to entertain a room full of people with sining and speaking. I suppose the performer is afraid of loosing control, hence:

"God wasted a good bum when he put teeth in your face! Mike Harding", 1947

20 Apr 02 - 08:00 AM (#694251)
Subject: RE: Intros and heckles
From: kendall

"I'd like to help you out; which way did you come in"?

"Stand up; maybe someone will recognize you and take you back to the "home".

Would someone please claim the lady in the "Living Bra" ??the poor thing is so undernourished.