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19 Apr 02 - 12:59 PM (#693784) Subject: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: JenEllen Where is Shatner when you really need him??? If he wants 911 action, he should move a little further west!! After reading the Crime in Our Town thread, I thought I'd share these. Our local newspaper has a delightful section entitled "Police Blotter" (the only real reason ANY of us get the paper here--so we can go: "Whaaaaa????") that records all of the criminal activity in Kittitas Valley, as recorded by the 911 service of KITTCOM. Here are some staff favourites from the bulletin board at work: Ellensburg 911---Crime in Our Town:
* A large hay pile was reported on fire on Wilson Creek Road Previous Shatner Threads (click) (please do not refresh them)
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19 Apr 02 - 01:18 PM (#693787) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Amos ROTFLMAO!! Rampant anarchy!! Someone oughta DO sompn!! A |
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19 Apr 02 - 01:25 PM (#693792) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: MMario Better then the stuff from my home town * whale in the canal * submarine in the canal * shark in the canal * puddle at the corner of Tupper road and River Street * sailboat in the canal |
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19 Apr 02 - 01:31 PM (#693795) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Sorcha LOL, Jen! That is usually the way it is here! That is why the 2 murders, armed robbery and boyfriend shooting all in a month was so unusual. Oh well, let's all go hang out at the Blue Bird Cafe and have a beer. |
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19 Apr 02 - 01:36 PM (#693801) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Amos I'm sure the guy with the paper ears was probably the real Green River Killer, or else the one who counted that herd of cows... seems obvious, doesn't it?? A |
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19 Apr 02 - 01:45 PM (#693808) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Amergin Boy, JE, your town sounds busy.....rofl....not as busy as the town I live in....one of the local things was a safeway employee whose girlfriend hired her nephew to kill his wife....plus there are the various wife beatings...husband beatings(across the street...the woman beats her crank dealing husband)....drunk and obnoxious (you can get away with this one in Astoria, OR..the cops there just laugh and send you on your way...just so long as you are not destructive)...drunk driving...breakins....80 year old people getting caught shoplifting.... better than what it used to be....used to be cross burnings also... |
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19 Apr 02 - 01:52 PM (#693815) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: JenEllen That's the funniest part, people DO "Do sompin". There is a woman renting space at our gallery to produce "Police Blotter Art"-- she cuts out her favourite events and paints pictures to go with them. There is an entire Ellensburg Postcard collection of her work. My favourite is one entitled "Two children were reported eary Saturday morning playing in their yard"
Not to mention the horrible songs that get bandied about the lab (hey, I work there, remember?)
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19 Apr 02 - 02:30 PM (#693848) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: SharonA JenEllen: What sort of a fashion style is a "wife-beater shirt"? |
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19 Apr 02 - 02:33 PM (#693853) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Amos There's gotta be an agent provacateur in that herd somewhere!! Mebbe one of those fiberglass jobs?
"Low if you can, moo if you must A |
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19 Apr 02 - 02:37 PM (#693859) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Amergin a wife beater shirt is basically what used to be called muscle shirts...white cotton shirts with no sleaves...think they started to be called that because on shows like COPS all the wife beaters wore them... |
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19 Apr 02 - 02:51 PM (#693878) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: JenEllen Dunno, SharonA, Amergin might be right.... I don't make the news m'am, I only report it. |
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19 Apr 02 - 02:51 PM (#693879) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Amos "Paper eaaaarlobes Paper eaaaarlobes.... Oh, how sweet those earlobes seemed to meeeeee..." Didn't Patti Page do one on that theme back in the late 40's?? Well, I guess humor's where ya find it... A |
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20 Apr 02 - 12:48 AM (#694154) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Little Hawk The Shatner connection, of course, is a key factor in reducing crime. It is well known that the incidence of crime at Star Trek conventions is virtually nil. Why? Because of Big Bill! He is a role model for all in this respect. I think that Jenellen was very wise to draw attention to the Shatner connection in her thread title, and I am surprised that more people have not expounded upon it up till now... the esteemed Herr Liebenscheiss, for example, would have much to say about this that could serve to illuminate the discussion. I do hope he gets time to drop in and share his thoughts with all of us. Kittitas Valley is clearly in need of a visit from the Great Man (Shatner, that is) ASAP. Perhaps we can arrange a full-blown convention, and get crazed Trekkies from all over the Universe to descent upon Kittitas Valley for a whole week! This would do wonders for the economy, and a healthy economy always helps to reduce crime too! I am going to convene a special meeting at the WSSBA, to see what we can do about it. Stay posted! - LH |
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20 Apr 02 - 02:00 AM (#694168) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Amos Vell, it does scheem dere is some kindt of nachural affinity, Leedle 'Awk, between der Schatner archetype (und dose who dramatizhe it) and the noose items vich Miss Ellen has sho kindtly profided. Der paper ear cashe is particularly represhentative uff der proclivity for facial artifacts among this particular class of 'herd mentality' phenomena. Und der proof is found int der local obsewrvations made in Lower Peoh, very ashtute, I muscht say! Ve are continuink to schtudy der meaning of der shymbolism in der case of the theft of part of a bear. It needs to be clarified; perhaps we could impose on the local represhentative to determine vich part uff der bear vuz involffed! Liebenscheiss |
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20 Apr 02 - 05:03 AM (#694206) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Hrothgar Mario, has anybody reported an old triangle going jingle-jangle on the banks of that canal? |
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20 Apr 02 - 05:37 AM (#694209) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Lin in Kansas Amos, when I read about the "paper ears" and saw the Great Bill's name in the title of the thread, I naturally assumed that the guy with the ears was...you guessed it....had to be...Spock, of course. JenEllen, living in the wilds of Kansas, I can certainly relate to the report of the horse-and-buggy accident. Our buggies wear a large day-glo orange triangle on their rear ends, but people driving the back roads near Yoder have been known to assume those were targets, not warning symbols. Ah, Ellensburg. I miss the Northwest sometimes. Only 32 cows? My son was woken in the middle of the night recently by a bigger herd than that stampeding through his apartment parking lot. He went out at 3AM to help herd them back into the pasture they'd escaped from See the "Advice for Midwest Travelers" thread for more flatland strangenesses. Lin in Kansas |
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20 Apr 02 - 05:41 AM (#694210) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Amos I hate it when that happens! I'll never forget the scene in a Mexican town during market day when traffic was backed up for blocks in all directions -- by a single goldarned cow who was running around in the intersection, dodging four men and refusing to be caught or controlled. And she was definitely getting the best of it, too! A |
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20 Apr 02 - 05:44 AM (#694212) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: JohnInKansas Important references might be missed (and jokes misinterpreted) without a link to the original thread at: BS: Crime Spree in 'Our Town'! John |
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20 Apr 02 - 08:17 AM (#694260) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: catspaw49 ROTFLMAO!!!!!!! Positively GREAT!!!! I was going to copy it and comment on each one, but they're so funny in their own right I can't do it! I think some may be related though........... The hay on fire was stolen from the Robinson Canyon barn and was being used for a barbeque of steak and chicken. The steaks from the guy in the van came from the the herd of wandering cattle and the chickens had been stolen which was what had the roosters all fired up. It really is amazing ain't it? Here's a tidbit from the Columbus news.....Hit and Run Ran and Hit Spaw |
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20 Apr 02 - 12:18 PM (#694383) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Celtic Soul Little Hawk? Do you really think it's Bill's role modeling keeping all the Trekkies from going on a crime spree? I had always thought one of the personality traits of Trekkies was their pragmatism. Years of being beaten up for being little and geeky, and all. I should know...being 4'10" and a con goer in my younger years. :P And, JenEllen...I don't know whether to laugh my derrier off or start packing to move there! I *wish* the DC area sported such ridiculously funny crime statistics. Any technical/Computer and finance related jobs out that way??? :D |
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20 Apr 02 - 12:25 PM (#694386) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: JohnInKansas Celtic Soul - I don't know about now, but an old issue of Smithsonian magazine (or was it Invention and Technology?) credits an accountant at an Arkansas Chicken Factory with the first use of a "network" computer to send the accounts back to the home office. Seems he jury-rigged his "calculator" so he could spend more time with the chickens(?). Lots of good stuff happens "out in the sticks w/ the hicks." John |
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20 Apr 02 - 02:26 PM (#694444) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: JenEllen Celtic Soul: I've lived in cities too, and that is the reason why I find this stuff so utterly ridiculous. It doesn't make it any easier that the newspaper comes out at 4 in the afternoon (all the school kids should concentrate on school and SLEEP in the mornings --not deliver newspapers) So we wait until they get out of school for delivery of news that's usually a day or two old anyhow...Nobody seems to mind. (for the finance world--we're close enough to Seattle)
Well, as of yesterday, front page news was 'pollination': "A bee gets an early jump on pollination Thursday afternoon on a blooming tree in Ellensburg. The tree is located along Ruby Street at the intersection of Fourth Avenue" Give me strength! But the Police Blotter gems were as follows:
According to KITTCOM documents, the following were some of the situations reported to emergency services from 4-18 to 4-19:
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20 Apr 02 - 03:07 PM (#694462) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Amos Large gatherings of what??? Killer bees? Little grey guys with pointy eyes? Feral sheep? The next wave of cows readying their escape north? (Once you find their staging area, you can undermine the whole operation!). LOL!! A |
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20 Apr 02 - 03:19 PM (#694468) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: JenEllen Ah, please allow me to translate from modern English to modern Ellensburgian! Several large gatherings (frat parties) were reported in North Ellensburg (the university) |
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20 Apr 02 - 03:23 PM (#694472) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Amos Oh, a townie-gownie thing, I guess!! Any local would know what was meant! Thanks!!! A. |
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20 Apr 02 - 03:30 PM (#694474) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Lonesome EJ A man wearing paper ears was making gestures to someone in a university dorm window For God's sake, what kind of a police state are you living in, where this kind of activity is a crime?! Isn't the freedom to do this guaranteed in the Bill of Rights?! |
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20 Apr 02 - 03:52 PM (#694478) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Amos ROTFLMAO!! LEJ, you TOO funny! A |
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20 Apr 02 - 04:14 PM (#694485) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Amos Why was a six-year-old falling off a dryer grounds for calling 911? Histrionic, inexperienced Mom? Or was the dryer up on the roof? A |
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20 Apr 02 - 04:36 PM (#694493) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: artbrooks Wasn't Roslyn the place where the outside shots for Northern Exposure were filmed? And I once heard that area was famous for its spelling bee winners...after all, once you spell Wenatchee and Cle Elum there are no challenges!! Art Former Steilacoom resident
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20 Apr 02 - 04:48 PM (#694502) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: JenEllen Yes, Art, that is the same Roslyn. The town where the Town Hall and the library are one building, with a cord draped neatly from the bell on the roof down to a placard on the porch reading "Fire Alarm" (well, it IS right across the street from the fire station!!) PS: I once had a tourist try and tell me that Cle Elum was pronounced "Clay Ah-LOOM" --she swore up and down it was French....(for the uninitiated, the town is pronounced 'Cle ELL-umm', and they are not known for their French heritage) |
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20 Apr 02 - 06:28 PM (#694540) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Little Hawk Sounds like Skaneateles, New York, where most of the "news" was nasty gossip about someone or the latest rumour about 50 "card-carrying communists" infiltrating the House of Representatives and/or the Senate and/or the Joint Chiefs of Staff... But one time they really did get some news there. A few Hells Angels came through town, stopped on Main Street, and got into an altercation with the local jerk kids who used to hang out downtown looking for excitement (and seldom finding it). The Angels got mad and wrecked a bit of public property and generally cleared the street, as the terrified citizenry hid behind their locked doors. The one cop in town could NOT be found by anyone. He had mysteriously disappeared...for about 3 hours. The Angels soon left, but yelled as they were leaving that they would be back "next year" with their whole club to "finish the job". Sadly, they did not come. Too bad. That town needed a good wake-up call, as far as I was concerned. :-) It was time they found out who the real enemy was... - LH |
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20 Apr 02 - 07:05 PM (#694554) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Amos LOL, LH!!! Amazing what work appears for idle hands, isn't it? Ya can't let it get TOO dull, after all. No wonder they report paper ears to the police!! LOL! |
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20 Apr 02 - 10:20 PM (#694627) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Celtic Soul JenEllen and JohnInKansas: Oh, I *love* the sticks, don't get me wrong. Mostly, I live where I live because my honey needs to be near the techie jobs, family is local here, and I don't want to drive 2 hours to work. I *do* know folks who do that sort of a commute though...1 1/2 to 2 hours from Fredericksburg VA to the DC area. I will most definitely retire to someplace a lot more rural. Keep a space open for me, I'm coming! :D |
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21 Apr 02 - 01:21 AM (#694703) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: The Pooka LOL HAW HAW HAW woo woooooo / whew / this is justabout the funniest stuff I've read on this here 'Cat & that's sayin' something / thanks JenEllen |
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21 Apr 02 - 05:19 AM (#694754) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Lin in Kansas JenEllen-- No Washington discussion is complete without saying how to pronounce "Sequim" and "Puyallup." But my personal favorite Washington State town has to be "Humptulips." I always wondered where the heck it got its name (and that one's pronounced just like its spelled). Lin in Kansas |
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21 Apr 02 - 09:58 AM (#694822) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: Celtic Soul But you left us hanging, LinInKansas! How *do* you pronounce "Sequim" and "Puyallup" (if not phonetically)??? Do tell, do tell!! |
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21 Apr 02 - 01:17 PM (#694932) Subject: RE: Crime in Our Town 2: Shatner???? From: JenEllen Sequim: Most commonly pronounced "seck-wee-ummm" by tourists is actually "Skwim" Puyallup: Decimated with everything from "pull-yall-up" to "poy-ah-lup" is pronounced "Pyoo-al-upp" |