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Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required

14 Jun 02 - 06:32 AM (#729797)
Subject: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: IanN

Can anyone help me out?

I'm looking for some funny/witty songs to sing at a poetry evening. Most of the poems read are amusing but my repetoire of songs is limited to more serious stuff which goes down well but I'd like to introduce an element of humour into my spot.

Any ideas?

PS guitar chords would be greatly appreciated!

14 Jun 02 - 06:37 AM (#729802)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: IanN

Also, I think some parodies of well known songs would be good.

14 Jun 02 - 07:04 AM (#729814)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: GUEST,micca at work

IanM, have you tried Aines songbook? it is listed in the Quick Links box top Right of Threads main page and has some Parodies and stuff from Mudcatters

14 Jun 02 - 07:19 AM (#729821)
Subject: Lyr Add: SISTER JOSEPHINE (Jake Thackray)
From: songs2play

I've always thought Jake Thackray's "Sister Josephine" one of the funniest songs I've heard. I'm sure there's a Catter out there with the chords.

SISTER JOSEPHINE
(Jake Thackray)

Oh, Sister Josephine!
What do all these policemen mean
By coming to the convent in a grim limousine
After Sister Josephine?

While you, Sister Josephine,
You sit with your boots up on the altar screen.
You smoke one last cigar.
What a funny nun you are!

The policemen say that Josephine's a burglar in disguise,
Big Bad Norman fifteen years on the run.
The sisters disbelieve it. "No that can't be Josephine.
Just think about her tenderness towards the younger nuns!"

Oh, Sister Josephine!
They're searching the chapel where you've been seen,
The nooks and the crannies of the nuns' canteen,
After Sister Josephine.

While you, Sister Josephine,
You sip one farewell Benedictine
Before your au revoir.
A right funny nun you are!

Admittedly, her hands are big and hairy
And embellished with a curious tattoo.
Admittedly, her voice is on the deep side
And she seems to shave more often than the other sisters do.

Oh, Sister Josephine,
Founder of the convent pontoon team!
They're looking through your bundles of rare magazines,
After Sister Josephine.

While you, Sister Josephine,
You give a goodbye sniff of Benzedrine
To the convent budgerigar.
A bloody funny nun you are!

No longer will her snores ring through the chapel during prayers,
Nor her lustful moanings fill the stilly night.
No more empty bottles of altar wine come clunking from her cell.
No longer will the cloister toilet seat stand upright.

Oh, Sister Josephine,
Slipping through their fingers like Vaseline,
Leaving them to clutch your empty crinoline,
After Sister Josephine.

While you, Sister Josephine,
Sprinting through the suburbs when last seen,
Dressed only in your wimple and your rosary,
A right funny nun you seem to be!

Words & Music Jake Thackray

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 12-Sep-02.

14 Jun 02 - 07:26 AM (#729829)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: skin-the-goat

what about some of Eric Bogles songs eg Somebody's moggie a delightful ditty about a cat who didnt know his safe cross code or Gomez a song about an amourous chi waw waw

14 Jun 02 - 07:33 AM (#729831)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: GUEST

I have always liked the Woad song (lyrics are on this site) which is sung to the tune 'Men of Harlech'

14 Jun 02 - 08:46 AM (#729862)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: Murph10566

Good morning -

Not sure of the age level of humor you're interested in tapping into, IanN, but there are a few Rugby tunes that would certainly make you Legendary...

Less bawdy, but still funny, is The Limelighters' classic, "Have Some Madeira, M'Dear"...

I second skin-the-goat's suggestion of Bogle's "Nobody's Moggie Now" - Hilarious !

Regards,

Murph

14 Jun 02 - 10:02 AM (#729898)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Require
From: Genie

Why not try a DT and Forum search putting "@humor" or "@parody" or "@funny" in the box [without the quotation marks]? You'll find tons of good stuff. There are threads on "nonsense lyrice," "parodies," etc.

The Limeliters did do a great job on "M'deira, M'Dear," but the original was Flanders & Swann, who wrote lots of hilarious stuff [e.g., "The Hippopotamus Song," "Tonga."

Then there's Bryan Bowers, Tom Lehrer, Tom Paxton, Spike Jones, Homer & Jethro, Bob Rivers, and a bunch of others whose names are escaping me right now.

Keep laughing!

Genie

14 Jun 02 - 11:29 AM (#729943)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: Trapper

Ian-

Don't forget Peter and Lou Berryman!
Blue Clicky
- Al

14 Jun 02 - 01:23 PM (#730025)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: GUEST,Slickerbill

How about John Prine; "Dear Abby" is my fave, and then there's the one with "Please don't bury me in the cold cold ground; (something) cut my body up and pass me all around...". Title anyone? SB

14 Jun 02 - 01:51 PM (#730042)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: Murph10566

Slickerbill,

I think it's entitled "Please Don't Bury Me" -

"Please Don't Bury Me down in that cold, cold ground !

I'm gonna have 'em cut me me up and pass me all around !

Blow my brain in a hurricane, and the Blind can have my eyes -

And the Deaf can take both of my ears, if they don't mind the size !"

Nice choice -

M.

14 Jun 02 - 04:06 PM (#730140)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: GUEST,ben

Matt McGinn did a song 'My wee auntie Sarah' to the tune Guantanamera- it's on a tape called 'Screwtops keep falling om head' He did lotsa funny material. Ben

14 Jun 02 - 05:37 PM (#730206)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: GUEST,Keital

There is a husband and wife duo called Molly & the Tinker (ver popular at the Bristol Renn Faire) that have some pretty funny tunes("The St.Pat's Day Polka","Gort", and "A Wee Droppie 'Ot",just to name a few).I also concur that Tom Lehrer is a great source for comedy(great, Hell, legendary is more like it). The Clancy Bros. have recorded some funny tunes is their time,such as "You're Always Welcome At Our House", "Beer, Beer, Beer", and the afore- mentioned "Sister Josephine". A final doff of the hat must go to the late, great Frank Zappa who proved throughout his entire career that humor, does indeed, belong in music.

15 Jun 02 - 02:49 AM (#730406)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Require
From: Genie

Among American oldies, there's Groucho Marx's theme song "Lydia, The Tattooed Lady" [by the same guys who wrote "Over The Rainbow--Harburg and Arlen], "On The Amazon," "Maggie Dear," and a bunch more I can't think of right now.

15 Jun 02 - 06:25 AM (#730431)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: Mr Red

Tom Lehrer is a good bet because he is so clever with words and scourilous with concepts. Poets love wordplay - it's there medium.

15 Jun 02 - 04:35 PM (#730620)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: Dead Horse

Anything from Les Barker!

15 Jun 02 - 08:13 PM (#730686)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: Gareth

Or the Yetties, or Fred Whitlock ! - I think we'll leave Max Boyce out of it as his brand of homour is localised !

Gareth It's the song of the Pontypool front row

15 Jun 02 - 09:43 PM (#730714)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: GUEST,ramona

where do i find les barker lyrics, tho?

15 Jun 02 - 10:20 PM (#730728)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: YOR

My older brother was the collector of the albums so I don't have them around to check but "The Fireside Theater" had some great material. Mostly comic sketches with alot of songs thrown in. Early to mid 70's stuff. "Put down that Dwarf and hand me the Pliers" is the only title I can remember. I thunk about it.

What was the comic (and guitarist) name from the mid 60's, Allen something. He did an album long parody about the Kennedy's. Old fart, memory going.

More modern: "I Want to be Your Underwear" Bryan Adams

Roy

15 Jun 02 - 11:04 PM (#730752)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: YOR

Doh! I told you the memory was old.

Firesign Theatre

http://www.firesigntheatre.com/

Such greats as:

"Waiting for the electrican, so someone like him" "Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers" "How can you be in two places at once (when you're not anywhere at all)" "I think we're all bozos on this bus"

And I'm now thinking there may not be as many songs as I was thinking, or not thinking. So I'll stop wasting cyperspace room.

Roy

17 Jun 02 - 06:29 PM (#731728)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: GUEST,Ray

Right IanN

Let's see what we can do. I'll flag up authors or singers as I move on. Correction to one of the above: it's Fred Wedlock, a prime English source of comic songs though not always written by him. Another good source Sid Kipper and the Kipper Family. Look back on the past forums and you will find a lot of his/their stuff. Les Barker, a super source of comic poetry some of which is written to suit a tune. He has a site.

Moving on, I really need more about your requirements, but I will start with suggestions and you can come back.

Songs with a literary content:

Dave Summers and his song "The Library". Just a verse or two:

My mother cried and wished she'd died
Before I'd done this thing-o
I'd brought down shame on the family name
In the whole of Kettering-o
Why couldn't I do what my father had done?
He'd never done a bloody thing-o
A-hobbing and a-nobbing and always on the jobbing
And always playing bingo.

In the library, the library,
The only place I want to be,
I've wined and I've dined but I'd rather be fined,
Fined in the library.

There's Leacock and Peacock and A. Solzhenitsyn?
And ordnance maps of the old Cheddar Gorge.
There's bedsitter guides for the lady who eats in
And Elliot, T. S. and Elliot, George.
There's Tropic of Cancer and randy Bonanza,
Fleming and Hemingway, Dante and Kant.
There's Bligh on the Bounty and Cartland on County
And dancing the Can Can for people who can't.

And about 3 times as much as this again.

Next, "The Tale of the Man with 3 Balls," author John Connelly.

Essentially a lady has gone into the library and asked for pornography...

"If it's pornography that you're after," said I,
"You're in the right place, as you'll very soon see.
For under the counter, I've the finest selection
Of the dirtiest books in the whole country:

Lady Chatterly's Lover, Last Exit to Brooklyn,
The Old Perfumed Garden And Carnal Desire
And every page it is lined with asbestos
In case your hot breath sets the pages on fire.

There's Swedish au pair girls all dressed up in rubber...

Her husband is a pawnbroker, hence the title. (3 balls hanging outside a shop denote a pawnbroker.) It's not particularly risqué despite the above.

Moving on...
Les Barker and "The Loss of the Titanic", one verse:

On a cold rainy night on a Liverpool quayside,
In the years before the Great War,
The world was in shock at the loss of Titanic.
So proud had they been days before.
Relatives gathered for news of their loved ones,
And to read through the lists of the dead,
When into the throng came a sad-eyed old polar bear,
And to the clerk at the counter he said:

Have you got any news of the iceberg?
...

Oh a truly great piece of work.

You could always try "Old MacDonald's Farm" in Latin. See a thread above but beware. Look what's happened after such a simple enquiry.

Or Sid Kipper's "The Innocent Dodo"

I pray thee good lordies and ladies attend
Give ear to my sorrowful ode-o
By means of this ballad I now do intend
To sing you in praise of the dodo.

That will do for now. Come back if you haven't suffered enough.

Regards

Ray

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 12-Sep-02.

18 Jun 02 - 06:52 AM (#732094)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: IanN

Thanks everyone! That should give me something to go at!

18 Jun 02 - 09:09 PM (#732615)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: GUEST,guest

Go to monologues.co.uk

20 Jul 07 - 08:30 AM (#2107534)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: GUEST,James

I know this song from the McCalmans. It is a song they often play in their concerts. It is on one of their CDs, I forget which one, however. I have attended 5 of their concerts and they usually play it. I thought it was written by Nick Keir, because he does the lead and guitar. Well, I stand corrected, if it was Jake Thackeray. Then I will have to look for his cds in ebay or amazon. Did he also write Little Tim McGuire, liked to play with fire? I thought the McCalmans wrote that too, but probably not.

McCalmans buy their CDs, they need the money.

There are 3 men Ian McCalman, Nick Keir and Steven Quigg. There was one who died, Derek Moffat, he had a tumor in 2001, and one who stopped playing with them, I forget his name, Hamish I think. They started in the 60s and are still going. Only one of the original members is with them, Ian, the other two are younger now. They play folk music from Scotland and other places. Some mod some traditional. I have almost all of their LPs and CDs except maybe one or two of the newer ones.

20 Jul 07 - 08:41 AM (#2107537)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: Leadfingers

Tim McGuire was written by Leon Rosselsson !!

20 Jul 07 - 02:20 PM (#2107725)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: GUEST,mike putt

what about "Im my own granpa" I think I have it by Willie Nelson

20 Jul 07 - 02:57 PM (#2107751)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Require
From: Artful Codger

"My Canary Has Circles Under His Eyes" - a cute 20's novelty song.

BTW, can anyone furnish me (by PM) the lyrics to "Everything Is Hotsy-Totsy Now"? I have two recordings, but one is abbreviated, and the other (by the Captain Matchbox Whoopie Band, who also did "Canary") is so slurred and fast that I can't decipher half the words.

20 Jul 07 - 05:33 PM (#2107848)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Require
From: Artful Codger

Found another recording of "Everything Is Hotsy-Totsy Now" here, an unreleased test pressing by Irving Mills (who co-wrote the song) and Duke Ellington. I was able to decipher a fair bit of it, but I'm not sure of a few lines; see the italicized bits below.

Intro:
...A cozy little home,
Just room enough for two-two-two.
There's a hope to add a limb on the family tree.
(Could be "There I'm gonna"--another singer sings just "Gonna". It sounds to me most like "There's a room" but I'd be surprised if that were it.)

2nd refrain:
So long, sadness; hello, gladness,
Roll up to my bow
(Maybe "Row up"? The "bow" bit is rhyme-paired with "now".)

3rd verse:
...And when we spoon, she don't play copsy,
She don't call momsy or her popsy.
(Possibly "play copsy" should be "say stopsy")

3rd refrain:
Say I've loved others,
So, old brothers,
??? with a smile.
I'm sure glad she
Found out and she's happy
She's glad meanwhile.

Any help appreciated.

23 Jul 07 - 11:39 PM (#2109751)
Subject: Lyr Add: EV'RYTHING IS HOTSY TOTSY NOW
From: Jim Dixon

Artful Codger: Your link doesn't work, but I think this must have been the file you used (or another copy of it).

Transcribed from the sound recording at The Red Hot Jazz Archive

As you can see, I had some difficulty, too, but I think I can clear up part of your confustion.

EV'RYTHING IS HOTSY TOTSY NOW
Jimmy McHugh, Irving Mills* (The Hotsy-Totsy Boys)
New York: Jack Mills, Inc., 1925.

Take a look at me. I'm busy as a bee.
I got a lot to do, do, do.
I'm gonna build a home, a cozy little home,
Just room enough for two, two, two.
There's ... add a limb on the family tree.
I've found a girl as sweet as she could be.
So ev'rything is jake. What a lucky break!
I'm happy as can be.

'Cause I've got myself a brand new hotsy.
I'm her totsy. She's my hotsy.
Ev'rything is hotsy-totsy now.

What I did was pop the question.
She said, "What a great suggestion!"
Ev'rything is hotsy-totsy now.

No more cryin'. No more sighin'.
I'm through with the blues.
Does she love me, turtledove me?
I'll tell the world she do, do, do.

I've got myself a brand new hotsy.
I'm her totsy and she's my hotsy.
Ev'rything is hotsy-totsy now.

I said, I've got myself a brand new totsy.
I'm her hotsy. She's my totsy.
Ev'rything is hotsy-totsy now.

I just bought the ring for Totsy's finger,
Just the thing, a real humdinger,
And ev'rything is hotsy-totsy now.

So long, sadness. Hello, gladness.
...
Ev'ry little thing is peaches
Down in Georgia now.

'Cause I've got myself a brand new totsy.
I'm her hotsy. She's my totsy,
And ev'rything is hotsy-totsy now.

I said, I've got myself a brand new hotsy.
I'm her totsy. She's my hotsy,
Ev'rything is hotsy-totsy now.

And when we spoon, she don't say stopsy,
Don't call momsy or her popsy.
Ev'rything is hotsy-totsy now.

I've loved others, but oh, brothers!
Their lovin' was mild.
And I'm sure daffy 'bout my sweet taffy.
She drives me wild.

At ten o'clock, I say adieu,
But I'm still there at half-past two,
So ev'rything is hotsy-totsy now.


[*Credit as given by Indiana University Sheet Music Collections. Some sources also credit Dorothy Fields.

[Red Hot Jazz also has recordings by The California Ramblers, The Coon Sanders Nighthawks Orchestra, The Original Indiana Five, Herb Wiedoeft's Cinderella Roof Orchestra, and Eddie Frazier and his Plantation Orchestra, but none of them use the complete lyrics as shown above.]

12 May 08 - 03:16 PM (#2338594)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Require
From: GUEST,Mike

Little Tim McGuire was written by Leon Rosselson.

He also wrote "Palaces Of Gold" and "The World Turned Upside Down". Great songs all...

Mike

12 May 08 - 03:30 PM (#2338606)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: GUEST,Volgadon

Les Barker's Hard Cheese of Olde England. Those edam foreigners!!!

12 May 08 - 07:53 PM (#2338823)
Subject: Lyr/Chords Add: GET UP AND GO (Pete Seeger)
From: GUEST,Bill the sound

GET UP AND GO
(Pete Seeger)

C                            G7
Old age is golden so I've heard said
                                                      C
But sometimes I wonder as I crawl into bed
                   F                                 C
With my ears in a drawer my teeth in a cup
        D7                                          G
My eyes on a table until I wake up
         C                                  F
As sleep dims me vision I say to myself
                                                     C
Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf
                       F                                          C
But though nations are warring and business is vexed
        G7                                                             C
I'll still stick around to see what happens next.

Chorus
F                                   C
How do I know my youth is all spent
           G7                       C
My get up and go has got up and went
                F                       C
But in spite of it all I'm able to grin
           G7                                                    C
And think of the places my get up has been.

When I was young my slippers were red
I could kick my heels right over my head
When I was older my slippers were blue
But still I could dance the whole night through
Now I am older my slippers are black
I huff to the shops and puff my way back
But never you laugh I don't mind at all
I'd rather be huffing than not puff at all

Chorus

I get up each morning and dust off my wits
Open the paper and read the obits
If I'm not there I know I'm not dead
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.

Chorus

I usually sing this if I think there is nobody older than me in the room.

12 May 08 - 08:59 PM (#2338874)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Require
From: Genie

Check out Betsy Wellings's parody, "How Can I Keep From Purring."
Also the Austin Lounge Lizards's "The Dogs, They Really Miss You."
And the old vaudeville song, "I Never See Maggie Alone" (aka "Maggie, Dear").

Lyrics to all of these can be found in threads in the forum here at Mudcat.

13 May 08 - 02:58 AM (#2338984)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: Gurney

It's been said, but it can't be said too often if you are not familiar.

Les Barker and Jake Thackray and Flanders & Swann and Tom Lehrer, for songs.

monologues.co.uk and Pam Ayres for poems.

13 May 08 - 06:26 PM (#2339719)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Require
From: Genie

Don't forget Lou and Peter Berryman - lots of hilarious songs!

And Bryan Bowers.

Tom Paxton has done his share of funny songs, too - E.g., "Saturday Night," "The Marvelous Toy," "Changing My Name To Chrysler."

13 May 08 - 06:29 PM (#2339724)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Require
From: Genie

Oh, and there's a wonderful musician, performer and songwriter in the Pacific Northwest named Zeke Hoskin who writes some of the funniest songs you'll ever hear.
Check out his website!
One of my favorites is "Hunting The Duck," but he has many, many other gems.

Genie

14 May 08 - 10:47 AM (#2340283)
Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: Funny Song Suggestions Required
From: Big Jim from Jackson

The Kossoy Sisters (of O Brother, Where Art Thou fame) have one called "An Old Love Song". Really funny.