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BS: where's everybody gone?

14 Jul 02 - 01:03 PM (#747820)
Subject: where's everybody gone?
From: greg stephens

why does it say on the list of threads that nobody in the world has left a message on July 14? Has there been a nuclear war? Am I the only person?


14 Jul 02 - 01:04 PM (#747821)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: khandu

I am here!

khandu


14 Jul 02 - 01:07 PM (#747822)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: greg stephens

anybody else still aive? I have got some tins ofbaked beans and a bag of sugar and some raisins in Stoke on Trent. If any females are still alive and want to restart the human race, make your way here.


14 Jul 02 - 01:08 PM (#747823)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: bob schwarer

Still Kicking


14 Jul 02 - 01:09 PM (#747824)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: MudGuard

For me, mudcat.org was not reachable for some hours...


14 Jul 02 - 01:09 PM (#747825)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: greg stephens

Khandu, whats it like where you are? Any traffic on the street? Any signs of life? I am forming an Interim Government and need a Minister of culture.Any interest?


14 Jul 02 - 01:12 PM (#747826)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: GUEST,Peter from Essex

Couln't reach Mudcat earlier today.


14 Jul 02 - 01:12 PM (#747827)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: khandu

Too lta, ole boy! I have proclaimed myself King of Mississippi! Do what you will at Stoke but seek permission before making any move on or to Mississippi!

BTW, I have a bevy of beauties here to re-create!

khandu


14 Jul 02 - 01:13 PM (#747828)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: khandu

That was meant to be " Too late!"


14 Jul 02 - 01:15 PM (#747829)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: greg stephens

We have a lot of pottery here.Will you exchage for blues music? DO NOT VIOLATE MY AIRSPACE


14 Jul 02 - 01:22 PM (#747833)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: khandu

I will consider a trade. I will send you one pint of authenic dirt from Mississippi John Hurt's homesite for one nice piece of pottery.

Oh Yes! I laugh in your general direction! The only way I may invade your airspace is with a kite. And the wind is not blowing today! HA HA HA!!!

DO NOT VIOLATE MY HEAD-SPACE!!

khandu


14 Jul 02 - 01:23 PM (#747835)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Ebbie

I'm not sure how you guys propose to repopulate the world. Looks to me like only men have responded to this thread. Except me- but then I'm past the childbearing age. On the other hand, if men have found a way to procreate among themselves, perhaps you have also found the secret to sexagenerians conceiving?


14 Jul 02 - 01:27 PM (#747838)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: khandu

I do know, Ebbie, how to go through the motions of impregnating sexy genarians!

khandu


14 Jul 02 - 01:28 PM (#747840)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Ebbie

LOL


14 Jul 02 - 01:32 PM (#747844)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: alanabit

Khandu you lucky bastard, I'm going right off you! I don't know if there was a nuclear war over the weekend. I spent it in Kleve - and believe me - there's nothing worth nuking there. Cologne's been dead since the World Cup. We're have to make do with boring old sex and alcohol again...


14 Jul 02 - 01:32 PM (#747846)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: khandu

AH, this IS now a musical thread...

"Where have all the Catters gone

Long time passing

Where have all the Catters gone

Long time ago"

khandu


14 Jul 02 - 01:35 PM (#747849)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: khandu

Poor poor Alan! My hearts bleeds for you with your sex and alcohol!

Vive la King of Mississippi!

khandu


14 Jul 02 - 01:36 PM (#747850)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: The Pooka

HARHARHAR / Hey, Sex-agenarian, it's quite conceivable. Be careful what you ask for...I bet King Khandu is a Can-Do kind of guy... :) Yer Highness, watch yer royal back: Kai Yai Yippie, we comin' inta Mississippi...

As to Quatorze Juillet aujourd'hui, Connecticut USA sez Lafayette, We are Here; & Vive la France.


14 Jul 02 - 01:39 PM (#747852)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: C-flat

Just back on!
Both Ragtime and Shorty were out!


14 Jul 02 - 01:42 PM (#747854)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: khandu

Now, Pooka, "King khandu"...didn't that roll nicely off your tongue, er, keypad. You must admit, it has a nice ring to it!

We already have pookas here in Mississippi. We need NO MORE!!!

Vive la K.k. (King khandu)!


14 Jul 02 - 01:44 PM (#747856)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull


14 Jul 02 - 01:56 PM (#747860)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: The Pooka

Your Rebel Highness, yessiree, I must agree "King Khandu" has a royal resonance to it. Of course you got a passel o' pookas down there. They're all my offspring. I just told 'em to go over and crown ya. :)


14 Jul 02 - 02:33 PM (#747878)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: mooman

Out for me all day too till less than a hour ago! I guess all three servers were down temporarily.

mooman


14 Jul 02 - 03:03 PM (#747892)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Catherine Jayne

If there was a nuclear war over the weekend I didn't notice it I was at a dinner party with lots of alcohol. I had a great time from what I can remember but my head has only just been able to deal with bright light, sounds other than whispers and sudden movements!!!!!

cat


14 Jul 02 - 03:24 PM (#747895)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: The Pooka

catsPHiddle - congrats on the party; deepest sympathies on the present situation. Nothing's been nuked lately, apart from yer poor head. This too shall pass.

I'm seeing centipedes and snakes
And I'm full of pains and aches
And I think I'll make a path for way out yonder.
---All For Me Grog

And now, back to the "Songs for Alcoholics" thread....


14 Jul 02 - 04:40 PM (#747912)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: DonD

If there are any French 'Catters, I can understand why they might be lying low.

The right-wing nut case who took a shot at Chirac at the Bastille Day Parade in Paris was hiding his .22 in a --- guitar case!!!


14 Jul 02 - 06:01 PM (#747941)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: The Pooka

Yeah. Merde. Associated Press reports that:

"He was very determined," a witness identified only as Mohammed told France Info radio. "When he got it out, we grabbed his hands so the gun went upward."

Didn't Al Capone's men sometimes carry their Thompsons (the "Chicago Typewriter") in a violin case? Or, is that just in the movies?


14 Jul 02 - 06:16 PM (#747950)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Bill D

durn!...power outages in Max's dining room, and we have revolution in remote places and new kingdoms being formed!

Well, at least the wannabe monarchs of the New World Order have been outed, and I know where to send my spys! *grin*

(BTW...I have been to Mississippi in 1964, and I sure hope it's improved!...wouldn't have wanted to be king there at the time)


14 Jul 02 - 06:19 PM (#747951)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Liz the Squeak

you were gone for so long I had to make my own entertainment, which explains why I'm as pissed as I am..... 4 bottles of excellent Chardonnay (Why you don't drink it I don't know, you arogant shit), and no song session.....

Very drunken pershon...........

:LTSHHHHHH


14 Jul 02 - 06:25 PM (#747958)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Celtic Soul

Busybusybusy...

Gig last night, rehearsal today. Man, am I tired.


15 Jul 02 - 12:43 AM (#748120)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: GUEST,.gargoyle

BLASTED!!!

I thought the "big filter" was up to keep John from Hull and I separated from the rest of you nice folk - gotta keep them separated - over 18 or your doing time - gotta keep them separated.

Sincerely
Gargoyle


15 Jul 02 - 01:01 AM (#748122)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

i agree
Sincerley
John from Hull


15 Jul 02 - 01:14 AM (#748124)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Ebbie

Funnee!


15 Jul 02 - 09:33 AM (#748256)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Little Hawk

I also found Mudcat inacessible for some time. Shocking! I finally got up (slowly) from my chair, gazed around the room helplessly, then went to the window, pulled up the shade and looked outside.

NOTHING. Just a sort of endless gray emptiness.

I was completely at a loss. "Fog" I thought. "We've had a fog bank come in."

I went upstairs and opened the front door. It wasn't fog. There was just nothing beyond the front step at all...but gray stuff. A featureless, endless expanse of gray nothingness. Or it could have been grey nothingness. It was hard to tell.

Was this the end of the world as we know it? Apparently.

"I'll send the dog out and see what happens."

I called Valdy, who is a terminally lazy dachshund whose greatest ambition is to become the world's heaviest zuchinni. He didn't come.

I went to get him. He was in his usual spot on the armchair, lying on his back with his legs in the air.

"Valdy..." (no reaction)

"Valdy!!!" (one eye opened slightly, revealing a bit of the white...he emitted a long sigh)

He wouldn't move, so I dragged him off the chair (long-suffering groan from the dog), and took him to the front door. I placed him at the entrance.

He yawned, stretched, and made ready to go out for a "whizz"...and...

BLINK!!! Valdy's eyes opened WIDE. He recoiled, and stared at the grey/gray emptiness. The hair went up on the back of his neck and he backed up several inches, making a low moaning sound.

I could not get him to go out at all.

Well, so then I lit some candles and got set for a long siege. Anytime, I figured, some Angels will start blowing trumpets and the shit will hit the fan...

For a long time nothing happened. Mudcat was still offline. Then I heard a funny sound. It was vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place it...sort of a warbly electronic kind of sound, like a shiver down your spine.

I ran upstairs, and looked out the glass doors to where the back lawn used to be...

THREE FIGURES WERE MATERIALIZING IN A HALO OF LIGHT OUT THERE IN THE GREY STUFF!

It was...they were in these kind of uniforms...T-shirts with a little symbol on them, and cool 60's boots, like those Italian ones...

It was Captain James T. Kirk, 1ST Lieutenant Spock and Doctor McCoy!!!

"Where are we, Bones? And...who is that guy?" (looking at me)

"It's some kind of temporal anomaly, Jim! That is a Bob Dylan wannabee...the first one I've ever seen!"

"Fascinating." observed Spock. "Note the copious hair..."

"The question is...how...do we get rid of this gray stuff?" snapped Kirk, going decisively to the heart of the matter in his typically charismatic fashion.

"Captain," replied Spock, "I believe that this whole episode is a result of frequency harmonics generated by an overload of BS threads on an obscure 21st century Internet folk & blues site...what was once termed a "talk forum"."

"Bizarre!" mused Kirk. "It's so...archaic."

McCoy piped up, "People used to fritter away their whole lives on these forums, Jim. They would type and type till their hands ceased functioning. It was a serious and debilitating addiction in that era, and almost led to the cessation of human reproduction in certain societies."

"Illogical," observed Spock, "but typically human."

"Life isn't JUST about logic!" interjected McCoy, bristling at Spock.

"Calm yourself, Doctor. My tricoder tells me that you are subjecting yourself to an entirely unnecessary level of stress that can only prove detrimental to the optimum performance of your duties..." pointed out Spock, raising one eyebrow 3 or 4 inches.

"WHY YOU INHUMAN, GREEN-BLOODED, ALIEN..." burst out McCoy, trumping Spock's eyebrow with an eyebrow raise that had to be at least 5 inches higher...

"Gentlemen," quipped Kirk. "We are here...to combat fog. Gray fog. Lots of it. Address yourselves to that for the moment."

Meanwhile, Valdy had become aware of the presence of strangers. Valdy hates strangers. They are the one thing that can actually stir him to ACTION. Verbal action, that is. Physical courage is not a Valdyan attribute.

He burst into a spate of furious barking, rushing back and forth behind the glass doors and trying to look deadly and heroic.

"Phasers on stun!" barked Kirk.

ZAAAAAAPPPPP!!! Three phasers sang out, Valdy uttered a shriek, did a double flip and keeled over on the rug.

The three uniformed gits approached cautiously. Kirk handed me a promotional pamphlet from Starfleet as McCoy examined the comatose Valdy. He looked up sadly...

"He's dead, Jim." intoned McCoy, in funereal tones.

"But...the phasers were only...on stun" said Kirk incredulously.

"Oh, all right," admitted McCoy. "He's really just stunned, okay? You know I love saying 'He's dead, Jim'... Give me a break. Throw me a frikkin' bone!"

"What??? WHAT did you just say?" retorted Kirk, his eyebrows rising at least a foot...

"Step aside, Jim!" said Spock curtly, lifting his phaser, which was now set to "shake and bake".

McCoy lifted his own phaser, glaring at Spock, but not quite fast enough...

FRAAA-ZAAAAAP!!! Spock blasted McCoy full force, hurling the doctor across the room, where he crashed into an antique picture of my great grandmother.

"Spock?!!! What have you done?" gasped Captain Kirk.

"Look, Jim..." replied Spock, calmly.

The body of "McCoy" was slowly metamorphing into a very different figure. A geeky, creepy looking character with a bald head, a silver jump suit, and a supercilious sneer.

It was DOCTOR EVIL!!!

"So, Doctor Evil, we meet...again! No doubt YOU...were responsible...for the temporal anomaly and all this...gray stuff!" said Kirk.

"Yessss," you frikkin', pompous, non-actor in a corset. You 3rd rate, bargain basement piece of Hollywood trash... You think you have beaten me, Kirk, you overweight has-been. You're wrong. Nobody beats Doctor Evil. What do you think...THIS IS???" Dr. Evil held up what appeared to be a very large vibrator...

"It's...a plastic vibrator..." said Kirk.

"Exactly," spat Dr Evil, "But no ordinary plastic vibrator! It's a 13 megaton ATOMIC plastic vibrator and I am going to shove it so far up your..."

"I've had enough of this," said Kirk curtly, firing his phaser. Dr Evil yelped, did a backflip, and the vibrator flew across the room, lodging itself firmly in the mouth of an effigy of Maggie Thatcher that is mounted on my living room wall. It began to hum ominously...

"We have to get out!" yelled Kirk, "This place is going to blow!"

"Yes, Captain," smirked Dr Evil..."fortunately I have this handy time portal to disappear through...whoa-ho-ho-ho..." He dove into the time portal, which had appeared conveniently and miraculously, courtesy of digital technology. It looked like a spinning piece of fiberboard with a spiral drawn on it. Very high tech.

In an instant Doctor Evil was gone. Spock acted fast. He siezed the vibrator...but it was stuck firmly in Maggie's mouth. He siezed the entire Maggie Thatcher head, ripped it off the wall, and hurled it straight into the time portal, which was just beginning to close.

The portal swallowed Maggie, the vibrator, and all...and vanished. But just as it did, there was the merest hint of a detonation. A tremendous, mind-boggling, utterly immeasurable and satisfyingly huge explosion...somewhere far on the other side of time and space as we know it.

"Quick thinking, Mr. Spock," said Kirk. "I expect we'll find the REAL Doctor McCoy back at the ship. Why...look at that..."

The grey fog was dispersing. Everything was coming back to normal. My yard was again as it had been.

"How can I ever thank you," I gasped. "You are my hero. You are the greatest starship captain that ever was or ever shall be!"

"And you are a man with razor-sharp taste and perception," grinned Kirk, shaking my hand. "You want to thank me? Buy my book. Buy a copy for all your friends. It's in the stores now. It's called 'Get A Life'. Well...we must be off...see you next time the galaxy needs saving..."

In a few moments they were gone...

Then I remembered...the Mudcat...GAD! I rushed downstairs to the computer. I logged on...and...

HALLELUJAH!!! Mudcat was back online. The world was as it should be again.

Oh. And Valdy. Well, he recovered just fine, but he needed to be coddled for some time and fed sausages and other treats before he would even think of venturing outside again. He does not go boldly where no other dog has gone before. Not boldly at all.

- LH


15 Jul 02 - 09:46 AM (#748262)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: MMario

Benefit to being away from the computer for three days - I diddn't know it ws dow - or my withdrawal symptoms would have been much stonger!!!!


15 Jul 02 - 09:47 AM (#748263)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: My guru always said

Surely you mean 'grey'. Otherwise quite spooky.....


15 Jul 02 - 09:58 AM (#748268)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Little Hawk

Yes, well, the British spell it "grey" and the Ay-muricans spell it "gray". In Canada we spell it differently on alternate days, so as to appease both camps and not offend anyone...

By the way, the place looks much nicer now that Maggie is gone.

- LH


15 Jul 02 - 10:01 AM (#748271)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Willie-O

Well, don't know about the rest of you (at _all_) but I'm heading for New Brunswick as soon as I get all my worldly belongings into the truck.

Grey fogs of Grand Manan here we come!

Willie-O
Finally on vacation.


15 Jul 02 - 11:14 AM (#748317)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Ebbie

Good story, Little Hawk! BTW, do you think Shatner will come back as Kirk? Thereby actualizing two mythical characters...


15 Jul 02 - 12:00 PM (#748355)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Catherine Jayne

Well I have recovered from my hangover and thought I would go outside and confirm what Pooka had said and that nothing had been nuked over the weekend!!! Everythings still here!

The sun is shining and it is a glorious day here in the south of England.

Cat


15 Jul 02 - 05:01 PM (#748485)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie

Khandu, does Mississippi need any more belly dancers? I'd sure like a change of scenery, and Corinth is only 3 hours drive from here.


15 Jul 02 - 05:10 PM (#748491)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Little Hawk

It's possible, Ebbie. Stranger things have happened. Not much stranger, maybe, but we can always hope...

- LH


15 Jul 02 - 06:59 PM (#748537)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: The Pooka

A gem, Little Hawk. *LOL* Wonderful work! heeheeheehee Bravo! / Glad you're recovered from *your* gray fog also, catsPHiddle. Been in that foggy dew meself a time or two. But see? - No Nukes. There'll *always* be an England. :)


16 Jul 02 - 03:58 PM (#749131)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Little Hawk

I arrived back in Orillia a few minutes ago, and looked in on Valdy (the dachshund) to inform him that he is fast becoming an internet celebrity. He took the news the way he takes most things...he lay there comatose on the armchair. He was totally underwhelmed. I couldn't even get him to open one eye, but I saw his nose twitch, and I detected a pulse, so I know he's still alive.

We need another stranger to visit here, I think. This dog is in danger of becoming a stalagmite or something like that...he's more like a large vegetable than an animal, but he smells a lot worse than most vegetables do.

- LH


16 Jul 02 - 04:25 PM (#749167)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: alanabit

Just don't let him chase Humphrey the Rabbit....


16 Jul 02 - 05:19 PM (#749221)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Liz the Squeak

Leave a potato in the cupboard for long enough... see if the smell compares then!!!

Mind you, if your fingers go through him when you try to pick him up, and it's all mushy and slimy, then I think you've found what's making him smell that way.... the only thing left is to get 3 shoe boxes........

If Valdy would like something to challenge him, I have a cat here that could stand losing a few pounds.....

LTS

(and before GUEST puts their fourpence in, the cat isn't the only one.....)


16 Jul 02 - 07:48 PM (#749325)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: DancingMom

Great story. Sharon


16 Jul 02 - 08:28 PM (#749349)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Little Hawk

Glad you liked it, Sharon...

Okay, Liz. We will have to get your cat here first. Valdy is hardly willing to go there. He's barely willing to venture outside for a "whizz" now and then. But...if he were to see your cat sauntering across the back yard, well, that would be a different story! Then you would see some stirring action, and hear some grand and mighty blustering! He has a tremendous voice.

Valdy likes chasing cats, but he is far too cautious to actually attempt coming to grips with them. Most cats are, however, quite unaware of his natural cowardice and they flee in confusion. Valdy likes this. It makes him feel omnipotent, dangerous, and in control of the property.

By all means, send us your cat by air freight (parcel post) without delay. They will both lose some of that extra weight and become more alert as well...

- LH


16 Jul 02 - 10:19 PM (#749404)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: The Pooka

**LOL*** / Hurrah for Valdy, sez I / Recently there was a thread (OKOK, I posted it) about Percy, the dog who is running for Congress against Katherine Harris in Florida. Accordingly, I hereby nominate Valdy to be the new Chairman of the U.S. Securities & Exchange Commission. He's clearly more activist than the present administration there. Do I hear a second? / LH, Valdy wouldn't have to move (he sounds a bit like Rex Stout's fictional detective, Nero Wolfe--a fat lethargic genius who refuses to leave his house). Valdy could do all his regulatory work on-line. On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog. / Of course you'd have to share yer keyboard, LH. Offer it up as a sacrifice for my country. :) / How in the Hell did you come to be such a marvellous writer, by the way? Damn!


16 Jul 02 - 11:55 PM (#749444)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: GUEST

Gaaawwwwdddd- I just love these little funny threads where LH keeps posting and posting and posting - it frees the bandwidth for other threads.


17 Jul 02 - 03:49 PM (#749842)
Subject: RE: BS: where's everybody gone?
From: Little Hawk

LOL! I love you too, GUEST... It is anonymous clods like you who give me the spirit to carry on. You are clearly in need of finding a circle of friends with whom to kibitz. Can we hook up at the next Star Trek Convention? I'll be the one in the Pleideian bartender costume. If you want to discuss serious stuff, I'm willing to talk about God, Bob Dylan, or the place of folk music in social development.

- LH