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17 Jul 02 - 07:56 PM (#750008) Subject: Spoonerisms From: Yorkshire Tony Having noticed a bit of thread creep in the malapropisms thread, I thought we should start a new one. I will kick off with some of the originals from Spooner himself: 'Sir, you have deliberately tasted two whole worms, you have hissed all my mystery lectures and have been caught fighting a liar in the quad, you will leave Oxford by the next town drain.' 'Gentlemen, let us glaze our arses to the queer dean' On observing some undergrads boating on the river: 'Punts are not for kissing in' - no one was sure if he had it right that time. |
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17 Jul 02 - 08:09 PM (#750021) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: greg stephens what's the difference between a Radox bath and a drummer? One bucks up your feet... |
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17 Jul 02 - 08:35 PM (#750045) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Deckman About 20 years ago, I worked with a man who spoke like this. It had to be some kind of a birth defect, but every single day, he spoke "spoonerisms!" I would hit the floor in laughter, and he would be offended. It took months, on my part, to realize that he was for real. These were not contrived jokes. He didn't know the difference. On the one hand it was somewhat sad (as he didn't get it) and on the other hand, it was really amusing! CHEERS, Bob |
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17 Jul 02 - 09:26 PM (#750069) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: aussiebloke I believe that the good Reverend Spooner was known to ride around Oxford on a 'well-boiled icicle'. aussiebloke |
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17 Jul 02 - 09:38 PM (#750077) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: kendall What's the difference between a whore with diarrhea, and an epileptic clam shucker?
the clam shucker shucks between fits. |
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18 Jul 02 - 12:38 AM (#750138) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: mack/misophist It is said that Rev Spooner hated services because he knew that most of the congregation had come to hear him say "The Lord is a shoving leopard". |
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18 Jul 02 - 12:46 AM (#750142) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Liz the Squeak It actually started as one of those verbal dyslexia afflictions, Rev. Spooner wasn't the first, neither was it deliberate... he just happened to be documented best, so gave his name to it. It's an affliction just like Tourettes syndrome. However, it does mean some exceedingly funny verbal clangers, like a wedding participant I heard thanking the assembled company for the delightful presents including a c*nteen of catlery. Then there was the weather report on BBC Radio 4 which spoke of fog at Gatport Airwick. LTS |
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18 Jul 02 - 01:57 AM (#750163) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Genie Well, on July 4th, Peter Jennings introduced "The Mormon Tabblenacker Choir" on live TV. Rev. Spooner also referred to his loyal parishioners once as "Ye tons of soil."
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18 Jul 02 - 03:37 AM (#750188) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: JustWondering Muverly...lore please... |
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18 Jul 02 - 03:43 AM (#750195) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Mr Happy bbc commentators: 'the gun carriage proceeds slowly down the mall, ahead of the royal arse hortillery!' 'the minister, sir stifford crapps!' |
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18 Jul 02 - 03:50 AM (#750198) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: The Nfkfiddler Jasper Carrot recorded the "Bastity Celt" with lines like, "The billy old sarsted had yitted a fale" and "near fought mental gaiden I know a slackbmith" |
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18 Jul 02 - 04:33 AM (#750210) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Nigel Parsons The difference between: A bad archer and a constipated owl? One shoots but never hits... A costermonger (street trader) and a dog with no hind legs? One bawls out his wares, the other has trouble walking A Salvation Army chorister, and a nun in the bath? ] One has a soul full of hope Nigel |
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18 Jul 02 - 06:10 AM (#750248) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: kendall An announcer on the BBC once said: "This is the British Broadcopping castration," (probably intentional) |
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18 Jul 02 - 07:16 AM (#750276) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Deckman This thread reminds me of the line: "My twist was all tongued up around my eye tooth and I couldn't see what I was saying!" Cheers, Bob |
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18 Jul 02 - 08:05 AM (#750296) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: GUEST,Brian A friend staggered in from the pub one night said, "Christ, I feel as nissed as a pucking fewt." Brian |
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18 Jul 02 - 08:10 AM (#750298) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: GUEST,Sooz(at work) Anyone heard the story of Rindicella and the sugly isters? The murds are wixed up all the way through! |
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18 Jul 02 - 08:17 AM (#750300) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: GUEST,bagpuss I'll never forget the day Trevor MacDonald spoonerised the phrase "Kent countryside" on the national news! |
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18 Jul 02 - 08:59 AM (#750334) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Wolfgang Rindacella thread Wolfgang |
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18 Jul 02 - 09:07 AM (#750338) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Snuffy Many a moggy has been renamed Cooking Fat by a returning drunk. |
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18 Jul 02 - 10:44 AM (#750415) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Mr Happy and one evening when i came home, my wife told me about our neighbours dog who'd got his head stuck in the 'flat cap!' |
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18 Jul 02 - 10:47 AM (#750416) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Dave Bryant Spooner would have had fun announcing "The Boars Head Carol" or ordering a pint of "Whitbread Tankard". What's the difference between a costermonger and a dachshund ? Answer: The costermonger bawls out his wares on the pavement......... What's the difference between an acrobat and a whorehouse ? Answer: The acrobat has alot of cunning stunts........... |
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18 Jul 02 - 03:17 PM (#750600) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Dave the Gnome Ronnie Barker was a great one for portraying the Rev. Spooner. Used to have me in tits of fitters. Mind you it was as well he never asked for Champagne and Orange Juice... Cheers Nave the Dome |
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18 Jul 02 - 03:30 PM (#750605) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Micca Dave, there is a wine graffito that goes " Bucks Fizz a.m. F**ks Bizz p.m. |
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18 Jul 02 - 04:31 PM (#750647) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: GUEST,Claymore I seem to recall an old chestnut, about the Rev. Spooner annnouncing the hymn, "The Conquering Kings, Their Kingdoms Come" as the "Kinkering Kongs, Their Condums Come." I cannot complain, as I am afflicted the same way: The poet, "Krudyard Ripling" The mountain of Presidents, "Route Mushmore" I've "Lowed the Mawn" and "Snuveled the Show" In Vietnam I asked for a "Cammo and Asualty Report" and hollered "Fut the Wok" as a short round landed near our position. I have described "Cricking Cherpits" on a still night, and a "Mucking Fonster' on another night. As for malapropisms, I will leave you with my description of a Spanish dance done with castanets as a "Spanish Fiasco".
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18 Jul 02 - 05:33 PM (#750678) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: GUEST The forecast is for drain and rizzle ... |
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18 Jul 02 - 07:51 PM (#750748) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Joe_F What's the difference between a barmaid in the daytime and at night? In the daytime she's fair & buxom. "According to usually reliable White Horse souses,..." |
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19 Jul 02 - 12:39 AM (#750882) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Genie Q. What's the difference between really smart dwarf Africans and female joggers? A. The Africans are cunning runts. |
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19 Jul 02 - 04:15 AM (#750919) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Nigel Parsons Then there was the compere who was sure he would have trouble introducing the works of Rimsky Korsakov, and went round all day muttering the name to get used to it. Comes the big moment, and he's on stage, steeling himself, and announces: "And now we have that great work by (pause) Rimsky Korsakov, The Bum of the Flyttle Bee" Nigel |
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19 Jul 02 - 05:59 AM (#750951) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: GUEST,Bagpuss Mustn't forget the two of the seven dvarves that were called Dumpy and Gropey Bagpuss |
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19 Jul 02 - 09:45 AM (#751041) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: GUEST,Strollin' Johnny (at work - as usual) Sooz - I hope you know that JS has a copyright on Rindecella! SJ |
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19 Jul 02 - 09:22 PM (#751366) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Ian Darby "A Tale of Two Cities." From 'Inside Mr Enderby' by Anthony Burgess. (Bless him.) |
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20 Jul 02 - 02:54 AM (#751465) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: GUEST,j-bone DUCK A SICK!! |
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20 Jul 02 - 05:11 AM (#751514) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Genie Then there's the story of the young man who was serving as an Episcopalian usher for the first time. He was supposed to courteously inform a lady that she was sitting in someone else's assigned pew and ask her if he could find her an alternative place to sit. He very nervously blurted out: "Mardon me, Padam, but you're occupewing the wrong pie. May I sew you to a sheet in the cack of the birch?" |
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20 Jul 02 - 07:58 AM (#751543) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: GUEST,Forty two I've a gouse and harden in the country An ace I call my plown A treat I can replace to When I beed to ne alone Wature here is nunderful There is no weed for nords While silling on my windowflutter Biny little tirds. |
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20 Jul 02 - 01:23 PM (#751644) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: MikeOQuinn One sunday, during a sermon on promicuity, the pastor at my church told us that we had to work to eliminate marriage outside of the sex relationship in our lives. The funniest part of it was that he never noticed. I was running sound, and nearly died laughing! -Mike |
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20 Jul 02 - 04:20 PM (#751703) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: RangerSteve On my very first motor vehicle stop, I informed the driver that she went through a sop stine. I also told a driver that his car had an inspired expection sticker. I don't stop people for that one anymore. |
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20 Jul 02 - 05:01 PM (#751715) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: John MacKenzie Spooner Rides Again Winter's here with bracks and mollies Fist and mog on ricey woads Up the hills the litter grollies Speak to shred their useful loads Flannel cherries seem uncertain Gauging rails have caused delay Turn the heat up, draw the curtain, Home, sweet home is best today. Slow and sneet and poggy fatches; Hip your deadlghts, choose your yoke. Torn out wire too often catches Winning spiels can be no joke Do you KNOW your schooling kissed 'em Haughty noses sometimes drip Puggish slump and slapping piston Might succumb to Arctic nip Take your breasts and brave a shakedown Watch for letter when it's wit Lift your killer flap with caution Bums from pobs might score a hit Fullidge wherry closed this morning Billy Visity is poor Par carks full I give due warning Do take care to dock your lore As for windscreen bosher wattles You may find these friends to tea While, alas the normal throttles Don't respond to tots of pee You may meet the treason's stubble Only if your rules are tight Let your diligence rebubble; Day in stores you'll be all right By my late friend Ursula M Wadey Failte....Giok
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20 Jul 02 - 05:15 PM (#751719) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Catherine Jayne Well this probably on the wrong thread but what the heck. So I have been sat relaxing and listening to tonights prom which was Haydn's Creation and it set me thinking back to my time in an Abbey choir and then onto playing in orchestra's for choral societies. When the choir was rehersing for a performance of the Creation there is a part called 'The Heavens Are Telling' well when it came to sing the line 'displays the firmament' the junior choir started to sing 'dismissed her for a mint' well I have been chuckling about this for years. The movement which was also sung as an anthem in church services was then on known as 'The Mint Song'!! cat |
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20 Jul 02 - 06:28 PM (#751749) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Genie That's a hilarious spoonerism, MikeO. Gotta tell my (retired) preacher dad that one. LOL! |
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20 Jul 02 - 06:38 PM (#751754) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: John MacKenzie Oh you filly sucker you. |
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21 Jul 02 - 10:27 AM (#751951) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: RangerSteve A few that I made up: Fly-cleaning Druid A couple of herbal teas from Celestial Seasons: Grandma's Mummy Tint, and Teepy Slime. And from the song "Ramptown Cases" - "I met my bunny on the nob-tailed bag." Trours yuly, Stranger Eve |
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21 Jul 02 - 11:15 AM (#751961) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Genie Here's an older thread on Spoonerisms In Song. |
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21 Jul 02 - 03:25 PM (#752050) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Liz the Squeak We learned it as Kinkering Congs their tattles tick.... LTS |
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22 Jul 02 - 05:32 AM (#752290) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: The Shambles TV presenter talking about a 'Hyperdeamic neerdle'! |
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22 Jul 02 - 05:52 AM (#752291) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: GUEST,TC Sorry for thread drift. Is there a term for changes such as: 'I'm going to throw my computers out of the window' 'You should throw Windows out of the computer' Tommy |
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23 Aug 02 - 04:18 AM (#770002) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Mr Happy an embarrassing moment for my fiend colin, who also produces 'folk orbit'folkorbit@yahoo.co.uk 'As a teacher of Information Technology, my worst moment was when I was demonstrating to a class, full of boys and girls aged 14, some more advanced word processing techniques. They were all gathered around. I pointed at the little flashing line on the screen and referred to it as, the 'Cursing Flasher'. The class roared with laughter. They knew I meant 'Flashing Cursor', but it didn't stop me crawling into the woodwork where I spent the rest of the lesson.'
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23 Aug 02 - 05:29 AM (#770030) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Ralphie Oh please... Can a BBC announcer get "The West Bank of the Jordan" wrong, just once for me?? (It's my surname, you understand!) Cheers Ralphie PS...Oh, Kendall.."The British Broadcorping Casteration" used to be a tape editing excersise when I first joined..Damned hard it was to do as well.. |
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23 Aug 02 - 05:41 AM (#770034) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Mr Happy ralfy, w**k, i've never heard that surname before-have you thought of changing it? |
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23 Aug 02 - 06:46 AM (#770044) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Ralphie Mr Happy...Quite proud of it really LOL..R |
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23 Aug 02 - 06:56 AM (#770048) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Trevor Wasn't there a cartoon series called 'Missing Consonants'? I can remember being amused by them but the only one I can remember was a picture of 'A Late-Night Drinking Cub'! |
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23 Aug 02 - 07:05 AM (#770053) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Trevor Ha ha...Found some more;- Jack & Jill went up the hill to etch a pail of water Goldilocks and the three ears Tinkle tinkle little star If you're happy and you know it stop your feet |
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23 Aug 02 - 07:25 AM (#770063) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Mr Happy trev, and in the same vein- 'vauhall's plan to change to working an 18 hour shit pattern during the dispute' liverpool echo |
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23 Aug 02 - 08:10 AM (#770075) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Ralphie Trevor...Yes indeed "Lost Consonants" I think.. One of my favourites was of a young boy and girl throwing up in the back of a car whilst listening to Music on the Radio....The caption beneath read On Long Journeys, Janet and John often suffered from Ravel sickness! Still publised in a UK Sunday paper, I think Cheers Ralphie |
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23 Aug 02 - 08:50 AM (#770093) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Trevor Ever since their school days, Jim had been one of his closet chums In the early days, Gershwin found it hard to sell his sons In the re-enactment of The Little Big Horn, Bob wanted to be Cuter More, more, more....!! |
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23 Aug 02 - 10:48 AM (#770182) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Steve Parkes The Lost Consonant wsa Atlantis, wasn't it? Or Lemuria (aka Mu--isn't that where Alley Oop lives?) Steve |
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23 Aug 02 - 05:44 PM (#770465) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: open mike how about mary engelbright's "life is a chair of bowlies" |
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05 Sep 02 - 10:55 AM (#777465) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: GUEST,Wayne Isn't this all frack to brunt? |
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05 Sep 02 - 11:42 AM (#777486) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Mooh Given my dislike of malls and shopping in general, I've always enjoyed "Mall-Wart". It feems sitting. Mease, Pooh. |
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05 Sep 02 - 11:48 AM (#777489) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Leeder Like Yogi Berra, I suspect that the Rev. Spooner never said everything he said. Nevertheless, it sounds credible that he'd announce the hymn "From Iceland's Greasy Mountains". I also heard that he rendered the geological term "erratic blocks" (boulders transferred far from their original location by the Ice Age) as "erotic blacks". |
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05 Sep 02 - 11:54 AM (#777492) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Nigel Parsons Leeder: I assume you mean that Spooner didn't say everything which is attributed to him. To claim he "never said everything he said" leads us into a very tortuous subset of logical thinking. I, for one, am prepared to accept that he said everything that he said. Nigel |
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05 Sep 02 - 11:58 AM (#777494) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Nigel Parsons Leeder: and is it true that Yogi Berra was dubious about the attributions to the Rev. Spooner, I hadn't heard that! Nigel |
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06 Sep 02 - 06:25 AM (#778007) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Gurney What's the difference between a Swiss admiral and a good vacuum cleaner? A good vacuum cleaner sucks and never fails! And a take on my real name. Mr. Crafarden. Chris Marden. |
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06 Sep 02 - 07:08 AM (#778015) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Mr Happy teacher addressing noisy class, 'the next person who speaks is a fool!' 'now pay attention....!' |
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06 Sep 02 - 12:56 PM (#778163) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: annamill This is going to be hard to convey...let's see... My ex-husband came out of the bathroom one day with a bottle of "polish remover" with a quizzical expression on his face and asked me "What the hell is Pole-ish Remover?" He was serious. L.Annamill
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06 Sep 02 - 01:57 PM (#778207) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: Leeder Annamill, that's not properly a spoonerism, odd as it may be. It opens up a whole different fied of humour, as does Yogi Berra, Nigel, who wasn't known for spoonerisms, but for the kind of tortuous reasoning you point out so aptly (e.g., "It ain't over till it's over). But those should be a couple of different threads. My friend's grandmother asked in a store for "Sock and Blackwell's cross-eyed salmon" (a bit obscure unless you know the Cross & Blackwell brand). |
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07 Sep 02 - 10:30 AM (#778634) Subject: RE: BS: Spoonerisms From: SlowAlan An Australian friend of mine once cried "Aargh I've been bitten on the funnel by a finger-web spider" |