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29 Jun 98 - 12:15 AM (#31592) Subject: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tunes From: brad3555@hello.net.au Anyone got any dirty or rude verses or parodies to any well known or not-so-well known folk tunes? If so, please send it to my E-mail address below: brad3555@hello.net.au Thank you so much. Regards Brad3555 |
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29 Jun 98 - 05:03 PM (#31642) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Susan of DT search for @bawdy |
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16 Dec 08 - 07:39 PM (#2517337) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST,Marcel Heard a parody in Liverpool UK on "Deck the Halls" that went; "Check the balls on that big Collie" This was many years ago. Anyone got the rest of it? |
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16 Dec 08 - 09:28 PM (#2517396) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Joe_F Brad: Your email address as given was rejected as undeliverable. "Manly Man Matty Groves" by Leslie Fish, in _The Incomplete Leslie Fish_ (Rune Press, 2001), satisfies your requirement. I have posted a few stanzas on another thread. If you want the whole thing, and cannot get at the book, I can copy it out for you. |
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16 Dec 08 - 10:21 PM (#2517418) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Phil Cooper The version I heard of check the balls was from Chicago singer Marty Pfeifer (not sure of the spelling, sorry). But it ran "check the balls on that big collie, etc/he gets big when he gets jolly." He also sang "Christians roasting on an open fire/lions nipping at their toes/Little children with hot coals in their eyes/will find it hard to sleep tonight." Definitely not pc. There were others as well. Art Thieme may be aware of more. |
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17 Dec 08 - 04:40 AM (#2517546) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Acorn4 Polly (to tune of Polly Vaughan) Come all you young fellows, Who like to play with a gun, Don't get trigger happy, By the light of the moon. Young Willy went a fowling, After a skinful of beer When he shot into some bushes Thinking a swan was in there He swore he'd seen a flash of white, And a rustling he heard, And he gave it both barrels, Thinking to bag that bird. You should have heard the language, So blue it turned the air, As out shot his darling Polly, Clutching her derriere Oh, Willy, you stupid Plonker, See what you have done, And look where you have shot me Do I look like a bleeding swan. I was answering a call of nature, My business was complete, I bent down to pull up my knickers, And you got me in both cheeks. Oh, Polly, dearest Polly, It's oh so easily Mistake your bumcheeks in the moonlight A swan's wings for to be. Oh, you stupid Wally, Willy Get thee now hence with great speed An appointment with specsavers, For new glasses you surely need, Swans don't lurk around in bushes, But swan around majestically Trying to scrounge your sandwiches That's more of a swan thing, you see The number of times I've told you, That gun would bring us grief pain, You could have taken up the melodeon, Or danced with the Morris team. Just wait until I get you home, Your voice will surely be, A full two octaves higher, When I am done with thee. Once we were to be married, But how can we do it with style With a backside full of pellets Walking down the aisle Sadly I must stay at home, Because of you, you stupid berk, With some tweezers and a mirror, Undoing your handiwork. |
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17 Dec 08 - 05:01 AM (#2517555) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Bryn Pugh While shepherds bashed their cocks by night No women there to grind - An angel of the lord came down And said "You'll all go blind !". |
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17 Dec 08 - 05:58 AM (#2517587) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Acorn4 and also:- The Barmaid (to tune of "bushes and briars") Through pissheads and through bikers I had to fight my way, All for some cheese and onion crisps and a pint of IPA. I spoke unto the barmaid, But me she did not hear And it's long time I've been waiting for The coming of my beer. Either I'm invisible Or she's completely blind, Though I wave around my ten quid note, She serves the bloke behind. Still I try to catch her eye, But still she looks away, If I show to her some rudeness She won't serve me again. Rept verse 1 Dave Taylor, 2006 |
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17 Dec 08 - 08:14 PM (#2518471) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Joe_F Bryn Pugh: W. H. Auden recollected from his childhood: While shepherds watched their flocks by night, All shitting on the ground, An angel of the Lord came down And handed paper round. |
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11 Dec 10 - 10:45 AM (#3050965) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST,blaize figgle chinky chinky china man brought a little shop and all he sold was peppermint rock he peed in a bottle and called it pop chinky chinky china man brought a little shop. |
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11 Dec 10 - 06:24 PM (#3051261) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Joe_F And, oh yes, also appropriate to the season: O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, Oh, piss on thee, O Christmas tree. |
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22 Aug 11 - 03:59 PM (#3211043) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST This is to the tune of 10 in the bed : there were ten in the bed and the prostitute said I want fucked,I want fucked |
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22 Aug 11 - 05:42 PM (#3211086) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: JohnB For the Childrens programme Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men I wrote this lyric, many years ago. Was it Bill or was it Ben, Fucked the Little Weed just then. Which of those two Flowerpot Men? Randy Bill or Shag Bag Ben! Did you see which one screwed Little Weed children? JohnB. |
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23 Aug 11 - 08:25 AM (#3211348) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Nigel Parsons I remember it as: Was it Bill or was it Ben, Put weed in the club again? Which of those two Flowerpot Men? Was it Bill, or was it Ben? |
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01 Apr 12 - 05:23 PM (#3332204) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST,Erin h for the pc plum tune from balamory I'm pc plum and i'll tel you who i am i a policeman and i'll fiddle with your bum with my magnifying glass i'll shove 12 inches up ur ass and give you time to shout aaiieee before i cum |
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01 Apr 12 - 07:50 PM (#3332256) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Phil Cooper I've always thought this was a better chorus for All the Good People: This is a song for all the good people, All the good people who fucked up my life.... I just heard it sung too many times. I'm putting a clause in my will that at my memorial these songs shall not be sung: All the good people Amazing Grace Kumbayah Everything else is fine. |
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02 Apr 12 - 03:03 PM (#3332650) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: kendall There once was an Indian maid Who said she wasn't afraid To lay on her back In an Indian's shack And let a cowboy stick it in her crack But to her great surprise Her belly began to rise And out of her*&^%* Jumped a one eyed runt With his ass between his eyes. |
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03 Apr 12 - 10:12 AM (#3333038) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST A-Levels from Scarborough (otherwise Michael Chapman's "Postcards of Scarborough") from around 1971 when Prince Charles joined the Navy If you're fourteen to twenty-and-a-half then the Navy is for you When you go down to Dartmouth all your dreams will come true So different from when you're home in Hartlepool And if you've got two A-levels then an officer you'll be You can sit down in your uniform and get waited on at tea So different from when you're home in Hartlepool I got two A-levels from Scarborough at the Technical College Distinction in Woodwork and scraped Religious Knowledge So different from the thickoes in the audience And guess who sleeps in the next room and after lights are out He comes into my room and he lets it all hang out Charles the future king of England But me dad was so tastless, his breath was so stale I've left him in the gutter with his accent and his ale After twelve months at Dartmouth they will put you on a boat And for one whole year they will teach you how to float It's a nice boat, not like those boats at South Shields Those horrible common mucky boats at South Shields The lords and ladies came to watch me shake the Admiral's hand Even Charlies's mum was there, so regal and so grand Prince Philip so immaculately tasteful [belch !] But me dad was so tastless, his breath was so stale The bugger only got there cos they let him out of jail So different from the parents of my room-mate Charles the future king of England |
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14 Jun 12 - 04:00 PM (#3363459) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST,TooOldToRemember Old Mother Hubbard Went to her cubboard To get her poor doggie a bone. But when she bent over, Rover drover her To prove he had a bone of his own. |
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14 Jun 12 - 04:03 PM (#3363460) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST,TooOldToRemember Oops. Typo. Should have been 'drove', not 'drover'. |
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14 Jun 12 - 04:36 PM (#3363470) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Genie We once had a thread about farting songs, and this was posted there. (Not sure the words to the last verse are exactly the same.) I let a fart in San Francisco High on a hill above the sea. It cleared out little cable cars And several local bars. The morning fog did not smell fair - I don't care. My love faints there in San Francisco Since I broke wind beside the sea. I can't come home to you, San Francisco. Your scolding sons will sh*t on me. |
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14 Jun 12 - 10:12 PM (#3363581) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST Genie, that San Francisco parody was great. Anybody recall this lightly bawdy verse to the Colonel Bogey March? I only recall the first lines. "Horseshit. It makes the grass grow tall..." |
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15 Jun 12 - 03:11 AM (#3363627) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Genie Thanks, GUEST. DK the Colonel Bogey parody, but that's a helluva start! LOL |
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15 Jun 12 - 03:21 AM (#3363628) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Dave Hanson The great Colonel Bogey one- Hitler has only got one ball, Kruschev has two but very small, Himmler has something similar, But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all. Dave H |
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15 Jun 12 - 04:36 AM (#3363637) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST,Don Wise "Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard To get the postman a letter. When she got there the cupboard was bare So they did it without,it was better" |
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15 Jun 12 - 10:40 AM (#3363741) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Big Al Whittle My version of the The Marvelous Toy When i was just a wee little lad Full of health and joy My Grandad homeward cam one night And he brought me a toy It was a lovely sight to see All pretty colours bright I only started to have me doubts When he pulled off Grandma's tights And she went Ooooh! when it moved And Oooooooooh! when it stopped And Ooooooooooooooh! when it stood still It was a rubber penis on a Black and Decker Drill! My version of Loves been good to me I've been unsuccessful, trying to pull birds And its my conclusion, most of them is turds Still in all I'm happy Cos I'm glad to say Once in a while A long long while I had me end away! |
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03 Dec 15 - 03:57 PM (#3755489) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST,jabberwock Here's to the wound that never heals, the more you rub, the better it feels! All the soap, this side of hell; could ever get rid of that codfish smell! There was once a man from Nantucket, with a cock so long, he could suck it; One day with a grin, as he wiped off his chin, he said;"If my ear was a cu**, I would fuck it"! |
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04 Dec 15 - 02:08 PM (#3755716) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: McGrath of Harlow How can you have a parody of a "tune"? |
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05 Dec 15 - 03:36 AM (#3755812) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Snuffy How can you have a parody of a "tune"? Les Dawson managed it pretty well!! |
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05 Dec 15 - 04:51 AM (#3755825) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Will Fly I'm doing a series of Christmas "ladies lunch club" lunch entertainments at the moment at a hotel in Eastbourne (UK) with my old mate Alan Day. At the end of the lunch, we do the "Twelve Days Of Christmas" - getting every table of ladies to sing a line at the appropriate time. I'm having a hell of a job doing this because the words of a particularly filthy version of this (from army days) keep popping into my head, and I have to keep a tight reign on my voice while doing it. The version I don't want to sing goes: Twelve twats a-twitching Eleven lechers letching Ten tits a-trembling Nine nackers knocking Eight arseholes aching Seven saints a-shagging Six pricks a-prodding Five brown rings Four shithouse doors Three French letters Two pairs of drawers... And a penis in a pear tree. There! That's done with - now, perhaps I can get on with the clean version! |
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05 Dec 15 - 12:18 PM (#3755923) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Snuffy The version I (nearly) recall from Army days in the 60s goes On the twelfth day of Christmas I took to bed with me Twelve tail-less tomcats (tailors' tomcats?) Eleven luscious lesbians Ten torn-off testicles Nine gnawn-off nipples Eight useless eunuchs Seven ???? Six pure-white virgins Five choir boys (always sung falsetto) Four shithouse doors Three poxy whores Two Girl Guides And my Lord Montagu of Beaulieu. |
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05 Dec 15 - 05:44 PM (#3755972) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Joe_F Likewise at St Andrews University in 1959: Twelve twitching twats, Eleven lecherous lesbians, Ten torn-off testes, Nine gnawed-off nipples, Eight aching arseholes, Seven sex-starved spinsters, Six convicted vicars, Five choir boys, Four Boy Scouts, Three dirty whores, Two shithouse doors, And my Lord Montague of Beaulieu. |
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06 Dec 15 - 04:39 AM (#3756057) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Snuffy Thanks Joe - my memory's not what it was. "7 sex-starved spinsters" was indeed the line. |
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06 Dec 15 - 11:59 PM (#3756316) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity OK...you asked... 'Good Vibrations' chorus (Beach Boys) I'm pickin' up a new vibrator, You can have my old potator..(potato) All My Lovin' (Beatles) Close your eyes Spread your legs And I'll fertilize your eggs And won't get off til I'm though, And in while I'm away, I'll beat off every day, And send all my drippings to you. 'When the Musics Over' (Doors) Your pubic odor Turned off my lights Knocked off my lights And blurred my sight 'Wind Beneath My Wings' (Bette Midler) (Final refrain) You are the wind between my cheeks Yikes! I gotta get out of here....see ya'!! GfS P.S. Hope that's crude enough for ya'!! |
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07 Dec 15 - 05:09 AM (#3756339) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Tootler I don't know if this one's been posted before but is particularly filthy Arseholes are cheap today Cheaper than yesterday Little ones are half a crown Standing up or lying down Bigger ones are two and six And you can feel their dicks. |
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07 Dec 15 - 11:21 AM (#3756440) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: BrooklynJay Here's one I remember from over 40 years ago. I wonder if any young 'uns nowadays know what Spanish Fly is/was? Anyway, this is to the tune of The Blue-Tail Fly: When I was young, I used to wait On Master while he'd masturbate And pass the towel so he'd get dry 'Cause he took lots of Spanish Fly Refrain: Jimmy jacked off, and I don't care Jimmy jacked off, and I don't care Jimmy jacked off, and I don't care The bastard's gone away He screwed the animals on the farm He thought it wouldn't do no harm Then his hand went creeping up my thigh He blamed it on the Spanish Fly (Refrain) The pony felt the Master's itch He buggered him like a sonofabitch So, he kicked my Master in the fly And said, "Next time. . . .use K-Y" (Refrain) They laid him under the persimmon tree Like he laid everything else, you see Oh, you might go blind, or worse, you'll die So, keep away from Spanish Fly (Refrain) It may have originally been somewhat more graphic, but this is pretty much what I remember hearing. Jay |
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07 Dec 15 - 12:39 PM (#3756446) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST,HuwG at work Dedicated to Stephen Gough, the "Naked Rambler": On the day I was to be married I went for a ramble instead I'd rather expose it on Kinder Than hide inside her in bed |
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07 Dec 15 - 09:59 PM (#3756615) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST,Frank It's not a folk song, but: The balls of O'Leary were massive and hairy, and the tip of his penis was like the dome of Saint Paul's, and great crowds would muster to view his giant cluster, and they'd stand and stare at the bloody great pair of O'Leary's balls. To be sung with great gusto. |
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08 Dec 15 - 08:34 PM (#3756870) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Joe_F The bishop elect of Hong Kong Had a dong that was nine inches long. He thought the spectators Were admiring his gaiters When he went to the gents. He was wrong. -- W. H. Auden May be sung to any of the tunes limericks are sung to. |
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09 Dec 15 - 11:40 AM (#3757066) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Mingulay British Grenadiers Some die of drinking water and some of drnking beer, Some die of constipation and some of diorrehea, But of all the world's diseases there's none that can compare, To the drip, drip. drip of a syphillictic prick and they call it gonorhhea. I like the girls who say they do and the girls who say they don't, I like the girls who say they will and the girls who say they won't, But of all the girls I like the best I may be wrong or right, Are the girls who say they never will but look as though they might. Rule Brittania Rule the tanner two tanners make a bob, King George never, never ever shaved his knob. Tune name unknown The sexual life of the camel is stranger than anyone thinks, At the height of the mating season he tries to bugger the Sphinx, But the Sphinx's anular sphinctus is filled with the sands of the Nile, Which accounts for the hump on the camel and the Sphinx's inscrutable smile. |
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09 Dec 15 - 02:02 PM (#3757122) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Snuffy Tune name unknown = Eton Boating Song |
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03 Jan 16 - 09:44 AM (#3762540) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST,michael dillon demented lyrics or limericks were like gold to me as a young entertainer doing jewish resorts in the 50's and 60's there once was a man named fly who made laugh so hard i would cry i have never heard his songs sung but he should be hung on the wall of people most wanted i write in french for 3 years english and spanish since the 60's piano trumpet ballet voice guitar banjo mandolin ukele drums in that order i have become the white satchmo the dirtiest of dirty dancers and the next pavarotti or eric clapton but i love to write lyrics at tremolo guitar shop vintage guitars in kalamazoo and victor borge is my hero |
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08 Aug 20 - 03:27 PM (#4067743) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST,db Some good old favourites from my childhood here. |
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08 Aug 20 - 06:18 PM (#4067756) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Joe_F Not dirty, but rather rude tho altogether sensible (Punch, 1959, I think): Fool, Britannia! It never got you much. Learn to dwi-i-i-i-indle like the Dutch. |
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09 Aug 20 - 06:41 AM (#4067781) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Greum Can you even get parodies or rude versions of a tune? |
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09 Aug 20 - 01:41 PM (#4067826) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Bill D Well... The Star Spangled Banner tune is mangled regularly....on TV... I know VERY few rude parodies that are actually clever, funny and entertaining. Most of the examples above are not. |
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09 Aug 20 - 05:48 PM (#4067842) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Joe_F O say, can you see Any bedbugs on me? If you'll please pick a few, I will fry them for you. |
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09 Aug 20 - 08:14 PM (#4067848) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Bill D ...I remember the last line as "I got them from you." but most kids chants have variations. |
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09 Aug 20 - 09:49 PM (#4067857) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: GUEST Alternate verse to Mary Ellen Carter: She went down on Bill Clinton In the east wing oval office All evening he'd been hoping to have a little fun And the groan he gave as she went down Cause him to proclaim She made old Slick Willie rise again! |
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10 Aug 20 - 03:00 PM (#4067916) Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Nigel Parsons Subject: RE: Dirty/rude verses or parodies of tune From: Bill D - PM Date: 09 Aug 20 - 01:41 PM Well... The Star Spangled Banner tune is mangled regularly....on TV... Are you referring to that venerable drinking song: "To Anacreon in Heaven"? |