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18 Jan 03 - 09:25 AM (#869427) Subject: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everyt From: Roger the Skiffler One of the problems of living in Ascot is we get mailshots from people who overestimate our affluence. This week we got one from a silverware company. Among the delights in their catalogue, now safely in the recycling box, were: silver tops to replace the plastic ones on your Marmite pot and silver holders for your brown sauce and ketchup bottles. Very Hyacinth Bouquet/Martha Stewart! RtS (form an orderly queue, don't all rush at once!) |
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18 Jan 03 - 09:39 AM (#869436) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everyt From: Larkin Strong Antibiotics! |
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18 Jan 03 - 12:21 PM (#869519) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: Mooh ...a cutaway acoustic/electric resonator guitar and matching mandolin? I can dream, can't I? Sigh, Mooh. |
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18 Jan 03 - 12:36 PM (#869527) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: catspaw49 Interestingly enough, I had just mentioned elsewhere that it is so damn cold here that the balls had fallen off my brass monkey and the chimp was a goner. I summarily received the following from Brother Dave Swan who seems to have turned over my name and monkey situation to a friend in the business. His letter to me follows: Dear Mr. Patterson, Anent the recent misfortune of your monkey, we are pleased to offer another in our line of fine brass ornament maintenance products. As a past consumer of our line, we hope you will be able to make good use of our Barometrically Activated Lined Loins Cradle And Testicular/Crotch Heater, we call it BALLCATCH. As the barometer falls, this supporter shaped device rises from its attractive brass base, gently engaging your monkey's manhood. The lined cup (available in Polarfleece, shearling, or ranch raised mink) gently insulates the entirety of your primate's privates until a high passes through, causing the cup to retract. The exterior of the cup may be decorated with your house number, your favorite team's logo, or the Patterson family crest for a small additional charge. 110v power supply required for heater and deployment motors. Please indicate your choice of sizes below: Golden Tamarind Monkey: Our smallest, suitable for accountant, laywer, and folk music pedant monkeys, ie; Conrad Bladey. Howler Monkey: Suitable for most folk singer monkeys (available with optional Neil Young attachment). Oh My God Gorilla: Suitable only for the members(so to speak)of LFPS. We've found it takes balls to charge for what they do. Best wishes V.S. Deferenz V.P. Marketing Dep't I'm thinking of ordering the OMGG model........ Spaw |
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18 Jan 03 - 01:12 PM (#869555) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: Shields Folk I thought a "brass monkey" was a a nautical term and now't to do with certain primates? |
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18 Jan 03 - 01:22 PM (#869569) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: catspaw49 Yes Shields, and we have had that conversation before here, but as you can plainly see, the "primate" thing as you phrase it, also has truth.....Witness this....My Brass Monkey..........Nautical my ass!!!! Spaw |
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18 Jan 03 - 04:46 PM (#869585) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: Bee-dubya-ell One of these, maybe? Bruce |
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18 Jan 03 - 05:30 PM (#869606) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: Hollowfox 'Spaw, you mean your weather forecast doesn't include brass statuary warnings? There used to be a dj on some Pittsburgh radio station who added them to certain weather forecasts a few years back. |
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18 Jan 03 - 10:04 PM (#869717) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: Little Hawk Penelope Rutledge's phone number? (Sorry, I don't have it.) |
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18 Jan 03 - 11:20 PM (#869736) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: GUEST,.gargoyle A grand screaming orgasmic FUCK!
Everyone can use a good FUCK!
Sincerely, |
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19 Jan 03 - 02:16 AM (#869768) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: GUEST If the particular 'Catter is big, mean, violence-prone and passing through the Los Angeles area, you could always give them Gargoyle's real name and address so they could stop by and have a pleasant little chat with him. |
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19 Jan 03 - 12:08 PM (#869937) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: Joe Offer A second copy of Bronson. Then they can give me their old copy. -Joe Offer- |
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19 Jan 03 - 12:23 PM (#869947) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: Mr Red Any Microsoft Product that is bug free. (not funny but it is a cheap present) |
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19 Jan 03 - 12:29 PM (#869952) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: GUEST,Eddie Poobody will Pee for you Aww Gargoyle's just had a bad week. A few days ago he described the tune "Washington Square" with it's tenor banjo lead, as 'Bluegrass'. He'll feel better soon. The old Banjo-joke |
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19 Jan 03 - 03:39 PM (#870044) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everythin From: Bat Goddess I used to drive a 1983 Fuck, but it wasn't the Screaming Orgasmic model. All it had was AM/FM radials, 5-speed cruise control, plush interior and got a lot of miles to the gallon. Linn |
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19 Jan 03 - 06:08 PM (#870119) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: Rick Fielding Uhhhhh....perhaps one more copy of Bronson. A film of Blind Lemon Jefferson playing. A film of Robert Johnson playing and singing. I know these things don't exist, but I can dream. Rick |
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19 Jan 03 - 06:30 PM (#870128) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: kendall I told my wife I'd like to have a screemer. What did I get? A sweater. |
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19 Jan 03 - 08:09 PM (#870184) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: Allan Dennehy I have a beer glass holder for the mic. stand. The missis just bought me a screw on ashtray for the same. Now all I need is a bicycle bell and a headlight. When's Christmas coming again? |
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19 Jan 03 - 10:04 PM (#870233) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: DonMeixner A brush to clear the lint from one's navel has always been the height of retched excess to me. Don |
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19 Jan 03 - 11:41 PM (#870274) Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything From: Little Hawk A quick way to finish the "Mudcat of the Rings" thread without leaving out any of the good parts... - LH |