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17 Feb 03 - 12:21 PM (#892135) Subject: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Naemanson In an effort to come to grips with my return to being single I thought this a good idea for a thread. I was going to suggest that we nominate the day after Valentine's Day as Single's Day. Anyway, I have been thinking of how good it is to live alone. I invite others to join me in celebrating the single life. Things you can do: a) The remote is all yours! b) You don't have to justify time or expenditures to anyone but yourself. c) TV and Stereo volume is never in dispute. Anymore? |
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17 Feb 03 - 12:44 PM (#892154) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Peg you can eat what you want when you want; no squabbles over which restaurant, or what to get on the pizza, or whether to make dinner now or in a couple of hours... no snoring to keep you awake. freedom when travelling to do whatever you want without having to keep track of each other. staying home from a party so it won't look "weird" if your mate shows up without you... hanging your just-washed lingerie from the shower rod without worrying about someone else's need to shower... opting to go to an impromptu invitation or film or concert without having to call and check in" with anyone... freedom to be intimate with someone without worrying about being unfaithful... that's about all I can think of for now. I personally think the best situation is to be in a relationship where you are free to all this stuff anyway... |
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17 Feb 03 - 12:52 PM (#892166) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: gnomad Nothing you put down moves, however long you leave it. Deciding to go to bed at 1.00pm is not seen as an indication you hate someone (nor as an unwanted advance). If you want to eat quantities of garlic/ baked beans/ chocolate cake/ marmite (delete as appropriate) nobody is going to argue. You can argue with the idiots on the radio without getting locked up. That bed that was just perfect before you got out of it can stay that way, all year if you are slob enough. No fighting about how warm is comfortable. |
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17 Feb 03 - 01:22 PM (#892193) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Uncle_DaveO Just to be the Devil's Advocate, here: At least twice, maybe three times a day, maybe more, out of the blue, apropos of nothing, I say to my Beautiful Wife: "Thank you." She'll say, "What for?" "For marrying me, and saving me from a life as an Old Bachelor." Bachelorhood was a dreary, emotionally unsettled, socially unstable, trying way to live. I had thirty-three years of it. I've now had thirty-eight years of a great marriage, and it's LOTS better. Your mileage may vary. Dave Oesterreich |
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17 Feb 03 - 01:38 PM (#892209) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Stilly River Sage I have a mix of the situations listed so far: My kids are with me five nights a week, and spend weekends with their Dad. So I have the motility of objects, the hugs and occasional "thanks" for stuff during the weekdays, but on the weekends I have the house to myself and can catch up or just hang out. Okay, okay, so I fixed sinks all this weekend because the kids would be underfoot if I tried it during the week. . .but most weekends I enjoy on my own, probably because I know that I will have company the rest of the week. Given the stress in Brett's recent life, a quiet time on his own and rediscovering that he can be good company for himself all by himself is a good thing. |
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17 Feb 03 - 01:53 PM (#892229) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: irishajo Leave the bathroom door open all the time. Walk around au naturel whenever you so desire. Read in bed until 2 a.m. Talk/laugh/groan/sing to yourself without having to explain anything. |
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17 Feb 03 - 01:57 PM (#892238) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Ebbie I've lived a single life most of the time since I was 28 years old- a very long time ago. There are MANY good things about singlehood: * I don't have to watch the clock to see whether it's time to go home to get dinner * If I feel like going to a movie before going home from work, I can. * I can commit to a 3-nights a week class or to an impromptu party without having to check with someone else. * I love being able to stay up or out as late as I want without having to justify it to anyone else. * I can read an absorbing book without being interrupted. * I can repeat a CD song as often as I wish, at any volume I wish, when I'm learning a new song. Same with a song I'm learning on the guitar. * I don't have to wonder: Is he upset with me? Nor do I have to wonder why I stay with him when we have so little in common. * When I go home, I close the door on problems. Those are all pretty superficial benefits, I realize- suffice it to say that for me, being a single is an easier life. |
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17 Feb 03 - 01:59 PM (#892244) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Crane Driver No-one to complain about MY snoring, no-one saying that I'm spending too much time logged on to the Mudcat (except possibly some of the other Mudchat users!), no-one complaining that I'm going out to play music again .... I have no trouble living on my own. That's not to say I'm against a committed relationship - just not one that involves living together, thank you very much. Andrew |
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17 Feb 03 - 02:56 PM (#892289) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: harvey andrews Naemanson, problem is just when you get used to being on your own...it's no fun anymore and you start giving off the scent that attracts the opposite sex and before you know it your agreeing with Uncle Dave O! I know....'cause I was there..20 years ago and then I married her. |
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17 Feb 03 - 02:58 PM (#892290) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Naemanson Snoring - Well, sometimes I wake myself up! If I find a woman to share my life she better be a heavy sleeper! "Nothing you put down moves, however long you leave it." - You'd think so wouldn't you. However that doesn't seem to be the case. there are some kind of gremlins that move things around even though I am alone in the apartment. "Walk around au naturel whenever you so desire." - Ah, but in my last two relationships that was no problem. And it was a delight to see them in the buff. "I can commit to a 3-nights a week class or to an impromptu party without having to check with someone else." - But I am part of a singing group and that is like being in a part time marriage. I can't do anything else on rehearsal night and gigs take precedence. Various comments on music choice/volume/repetitions: Since I lost my taste for music this hasn't been a problem anyway. CraneDriver, I don't think many of us are against a committed relationship. I just want to convince myself that it's OK to be single. DaveO - you are hereby ostracized and ejected from this thread. Pack your bags and go! *Grin* I'm surprised no one has mentioned there's no need to be polite about bodily noises/smells/functions! |
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17 Feb 03 - 03:28 PM (#892315) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: gnu It's been about three years now and I find the conversation just fine. I was asked once, by a visitor who heard me talking as he was arriving at my door, as to whom I was speaking with. My reply was, "Me. It's okay to ask yourself questions and it's okay to answer yourself. Now, if you ever ask yourself, "What was the question?", it's time to seek help." One of the best parts for me is only having to focus on the results of a task and not the means or methods. I only care that the floor is clean and not as to whether it should be mopped or scrubbed or done so in a clockwise motion, ccw motion, back and forth, or... shut the f*** up or wash the d*** floor yourself.... what ? No, f*** you. Ah, sweet memories. Another is the pleasure of working on a task alone. My ex use to be so keen the help me. I would explain what I was doing if she wasn't familiar and would ask her to assist by passing me tools, cleaning along... well, it's part of the job and you did ask if you could help... but I'm teaching you as we go... yeah, but if you don't learn about it first, you could get hurt if you make a wrong move... no, I didn't say you were stupid, just that you don't have enough experience at... no, the broom won't fit there... what ? No, f*** you. Kodak moments, eh what ? |
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17 Feb 03 - 03:30 PM (#892318) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: GUEST,Loqui leaving the toilet seat up |
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17 Feb 03 - 03:38 PM (#892326) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Stilly River Sage leaving the toilet seat down! |
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17 Feb 03 - 03:59 PM (#892351) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Bill D *copied from a web site* "According to tradition, when a student asked the ancient Greek philosopher, Seneca, whether to marry his sweetheart, the wise man answered: "Marry or not, my child, whichever you do you will regret it." Married people are sometimes happy, sometimes unhappy. This is also true of single people. Lincoln had a saying as well,....."Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be!" The grass always looks greener in the other person's yard. The divorce rate reflects much of that. Interestingly enough though, for as long as records have been kept, most divorces have ended in...........marriage. That is, most divorced people have re-married. What does that tell you? (Some wag labeled the phenomenon as "The triumph of hope over experience!" |
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17 Feb 03 - 04:02 PM (#892354) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: gnu Oh yeah... the house finishes. In my new (old) house, I painted the walls and ceilings with Kitchen & Bath semi-gloss white. It's bright and clean and easy to wash and makes the rooms seem bigger. I have only one picture hung in the entire house. And the bathroom's 1950's pink wall tile with black border tile looks just fine. No need to rip it all off and replace it. And the exterior, white over orange is... well, I might have to repaint the orange, being of Irish Catholic descent. Then again, how would I ever get a modern exterior paint that would "stay" over the old 98% lead paint ? Nah, can't paint that without causing a maintenance problem. To hell with it... it's an olive branch to my orange brothers. Yeah, that's my story. End of discussion. Good job g. Thanks g. Let's have an ale. Sure, grab a couple... but just one glass. (Reminds me of another perk.) |
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17 Feb 03 - 05:08 PM (#892431) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Jeanie Thanks, Bill D - and three cheers for Seneca and Lincoln: I reckon they got it about right ! - jeanie |
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17 Feb 03 - 05:38 PM (#892464) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Burke Having never been anything but single, You only have to cook if you want to. Your mess is your own. No one will fuss at you to pick it up but you have no one to blame but yourself. It sure can get deep after a while. You can sit up reading a book all day & all night. (Someone stop me please!) If there's something you want to do, you only have to pay one admission. It doesn't matter what time you get home from work--but it's awfully easy to hang around posting to Mudcat. No one cares how late you come home--but no one knows if you made it home safely. All decorating decisions are my own--but who needs to decorate? gnu, I put a closet system together recently & a couple more hands would sure have been handy. Naemanson, that snoring could be an indication of sleep apnea. You really should get it checked out by a doctor! |
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17 Feb 03 - 05:49 PM (#892472) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Morticia I love the fact that I can sprawl over a whole double bed, that I can get up and put the light on when insomnia strikes, that I can sleep as late as I want without any 'noises off'. I like that I don't have to cook or even eat if I don't feel like it,that when I cook, it's what I want to eat, that I can watch as many soppy films ( and blubber) as I like without feeling foolish, that no-one minds if I come home late or don't shop for a fortnight.I like that I only have to please myself what way I wear my hair, how I dress and where I go. I love that I don't have to worry that he doesn't like my friends or I hate his. I love that friends can just drop in now without feeling that they are intruding and we can drop everything and go out without checking with anyone else or including them when we know it's not their thing.In short, Brett, I know I've only been single since October and I won't pretend that I wouldn't give a lot for a nice warm snuggle sometimes, but on the whole, there are some serious compensations to being single...I like it :) |
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17 Feb 03 - 06:08 PM (#892486) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: GUEST,Truthtroller I'm single now.. trouble is I'm so miserable without her, it's like having her there with me! T.T. |
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17 Feb 03 - 06:31 PM (#892504) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: MMario dang you guys are making me jealous!!! I'm single - but not living alone - so don't have these freedoms. |
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17 Feb 03 - 07:02 PM (#892534) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: vindelis Why not have the best of both worlds? In the words of my grandmother I have been "Courtin' strong" for the last twenty years and I wouldn't swap him for the world. Yes I have the freedom to do what I want in my own house (and so does he), but the security I feel, knowing he is there,is priceless. |
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17 Feb 03 - 09:51 PM (#892630) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Amos "courtin' strong???" What a GREAT turn of phrase!! Thank Granny fer me!! Love it. A |
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17 Feb 03 - 10:48 PM (#892671) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Stilly River Sage But, you ask, what do you really miss because of living alone? (Or in this case, without a partner) The answer: Spoons!And I'm not talking about the flatware! |
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18 Feb 03 - 01:12 AM (#892714) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Kaleea How does one lose one's "taste" for music? Music is not a "taste" to me--rather it part of who & what I am. The last person I was engaged to didn't understand this, & informed me that I would not need to participate in such silliness as "gigs" after we married. I set him straight. I still play gigs, & teach lots of music lessons, too. I also play my piano (or guitar or autoharp or penny whistle or whatever) at a couple of clocks in the am or whenever else I desire! |
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18 Feb 03 - 12:09 PM (#892775) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Stilly River Sage Kaleea, it sounds from his discussion on other threads that Brett's pleasure receptors are a bit muted right now. They will recover, and he'll find his love of music again. |
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18 Feb 03 - 12:22 PM (#892788) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: GUEST You get to eat the WHOLE avocado. |
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18 Feb 03 - 01:24 PM (#892839) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: MAG My last SO was 7 years ago and it was so bad I haven't seriously looked. Behaviour that was seriously disruptive to my music and storytelling, until I finally realized it was subconsciously deliberate. Attempts to determine my clothing, my hairstyle, even my choice of perfume. Derailing of a successful diet regime. I just can't believe I was desperate enough to put up with it for 3 years. It's a bad pendulum, folks. OTOH, incentive to clean up the unbelieveably messy house just for me doesn't seem to be there, no matter how much I tell myself I'm worth it ... |
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18 Feb 03 - 01:51 PM (#892860) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Naemanson These are all good. The bed one, Morty, is very apt. One counselor once asked me if I had moved from my side of the bed to the middle. Once you do that, she said, you are on the way to recovery. Since then I have made a point to sleep in the middle but it is still disconcerting to wake up and roll out of bed only to find you have to roll again to reach the edge. Those danged connected people keep sneaking in here. Tut, tut, you shouldn't do that! This is our effort to reassure me that it's OK to be single. Most of us know the advantages of being in a couple. Some of us are single by preference and some by recent heartbreak. We are celebrating the fact that we are FREE, single, and over 21. For example, I made a point of going to the Maine State Museum in Augusta this weekend. Unfortunately on Sunday it doesn't open until 1:00 and I was there at 10:30. I decided to hang around in Augusta for a while and then after an hour or so changed my mind. I didn't have to justify that change. I didn't have to worry that my decision would affect my partner. I didn't have to worry about anything. By the way Rick Fielding has a great recording of Bachelor's Hall on his first album. That should be my theme song. I may have to try to learn it. |
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18 Feb 03 - 01:53 PM (#892861) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Naemanson To make this more of a music thread here are the words to Bachelor's Hall. Are there any other songs celebratig the single life? BACHELOR'S HALL I rode seven horses all to death I rode them till they had no breath I wore five saddles to the trees But none of those girls would marry me Those women will fret those women will fuss They'll spend five hours before their glass The Devil take all I'll have none at all Always stay single, keep Bachelor's Hall Stay, stay close to my door Bachelor's Hall, Bachelor's Hall I'll always stay single, keep Bachelor's Hall The women round here they live by the door They hear a word and repeat it twice o'er Then they add to it as much as they please Always stay single, a bachelor man Bachelor's Hall is always the best If you're sick, drunk or sober it's always a rest No woman to scold you no children to bawl Always stay single, keep Bachelor's Hall |
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18 Feb 03 - 01:55 PM (#892864) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: MMario Ican't think of any offhand - though I'm sure there are plenty out there. Most that I *can* think of, rather then celebrate the single life bewail the married! |
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18 Feb 03 - 02:22 PM (#892889) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: OldPossum The Stern Old Bachelor in the DigiTrad - one of my favourites! :-) |
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18 Feb 03 - 02:27 PM (#892891) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Naemanson There is a woman down the hall with the following sign: I love being married to that special person I can annoy for the rest of my life. They say married men don't live as long as their spouses because they don't want to. |
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18 Feb 03 - 02:34 PM (#892899) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: mg I am such a horrid housekeeper that someone is spared living with me although I do try when I have roommates etc...plus I hate sharing bathrooms so those are the main advantages for me....plus I can listen to the Lennon Sisters whenever I see them on TV...mg |
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18 Feb 03 - 07:17 PM (#893148) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Burke "Some of us are single by preference and some by recent heartbreak." Single is the way we are born. Coupled is the choice; because it takes two it's choice not necessarily available to all. Coupled is not the default situation, single is. |
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18 Feb 03 - 07:41 PM (#893172) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Peter T. Not according to Aristophanes (cf. the Symposium) -- we are conceived in pairs, and break apart.....yours, Peter T. |
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19 Feb 03 - 06:16 AM (#893355) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: JennyO I was glad to find this thread, having been recently separated myself. Many of the things mentioned above were personal freedom issues in my last relationship which had a lot to do with our breakup. Peg mentioned that the ideal would be to be in a relationship where one is free to do a lot of these things, and I believed that it was possible. I had been single by choice for several years before, during which time I did a lot of work on myself. I did not want to keep on attracting the abusive relationships I had experienced in the past. I really believed I had hit the jackpot this time, but once we were living together it became apparent that this person was a control freak. My whole way of living was put under scrutiny, judged and found wanting. Eventually, after nearly 3 years, my self-respect would not allow me to stay in this situation any more, so I ended it. It was quite painful, because I still love this person, but it had to be done. We used to perform together too, so not doing this any more has also been a loss. Now I am really appreciating some of the freedoms of being single, particularly not having to justify how I spend my time, being able to spread out in the queen size bed, just going somewhere when I feel like it and eating when I feel like it, and not having to put up with snide comments about how I do things or how I choose to manage my money. So I swing between feeling sad and having a good cry, and feeling really relaxed and happy. My friends have been a great help. Being on Mudcat makes me happy too. This thread is helping me focus on all the positive things. Thanks, Naemanson. You'll be all right, and so will I. And the music will come back, I promise! Jenny |
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19 Feb 03 - 06:20 AM (#893357) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Firecat Well as my last "Other Half" was nearly two years ago, I think I'm qualified to answer this. Being able to ogle sexy men without fear of other half getting jealous! Mind you, I did try asking a lad out on friday. No luck! |
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19 Feb 03 - 06:44 AM (#893361) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: gnu Firecat... I used to point out guys for her to look at, hoping she'd find one she liked better than me. No luck! Had to file. |
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19 Feb 03 - 07:25 AM (#893374) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: sian, west wales Power Tools. (YES!!!!!) My power tools are mine own. And if I have to fix an egg beater onto the drill because my handmixer is on the blitz, no one will blow a gasket. And if I don't want to put that 'chuck-thingy' back in the rubber whatsie on the power cord, I don't have to! And I can buy a 'mouse' sander just because it's cute. sian |
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19 Feb 03 - 07:40 AM (#893380) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: GUEST,T-boy Check out Tom Waits' "Better off without a wife". Don't have to ask permishin' If you want to go out fishin' |
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19 Feb 03 - 10:29 AM (#893394) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Naemanson Actually, Burke, though we are born single I believe the default position is coupled. If you consider that our function in life is to multiply (Religion: Go forth and multiply. Science: DNA needs to replicate). Therefore we MUST form couples. We are driven to it. How many times have we heard of women who forego children for careers and then find that they feel they have lost something important? I have replicated yet I still feel the need to be part of a couple. If this were a choice rather than a drive there would be far fewer couples in the world. And there would be no need for this thread. |
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19 Feb 03 - 01:42 PM (#893594) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: GUEST Wish I'd done it sooner!!!!! And not rushed into another one straight away.....rebounded...... I am happily single and hope to be so for a long time |
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19 Feb 03 - 04:04 PM (#893723) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: gnomad Naemanson: The couple requirement for successful reproduction can be quite brief (I'm not making a recommendation here, only observing, you understand). In fact some might say that is the problem. 8-) |
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19 Feb 03 - 04:17 PM (#893739) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Naemanson You could b right, gnomad, but my own opinion is that it is a genetic imperitive to couple up and reproduce. We humans are capable of not coupling, and we are capable of coupling and not reproducing, but the default (IMHO) is to breed. |
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19 Feb 03 - 05:46 PM (#893813) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: SINSULL I can fill my house with stray cats, take in a sick bird, anything. I love that. Mary whose is down to four cats at the moment. |
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19 Feb 03 - 08:16 PM (#893933) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: gnu I can have visitors without being asked, "Is/Are this/these your new friend(s) now?" Stray musicians from pub gigs really pissed her off. Someone might arrive and join a session, or start one, and she would freak. Of course, she used to freak when the regulars would arrive with guitars and fiddles and whistles. Come to think of it, she just use to freak. Why did I have to file ? |
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20 Feb 03 - 01:20 AM (#894069) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Stilly River Sage Mary, your house must be pretty exciting when, filled with stray cats, you take in a sick bird. Do you name the bird "Snack?" ;-) SRS |
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20 Feb 03 - 10:40 AM (#894275) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: kendall Sure, freedom is great, but, in a good relationship, you have that (within reason) plus a special someone to share your life. Ah, there's the rub! the combination is so rare... |
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20 Feb 03 - 06:42 PM (#894677) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Burke Naemanson, you hit my hot button by your gross generalization separating all singles into 2 possible categories. Yes, there is an urge to merge. But couplehood only happens when two people choose each other. From comments in this thread there seem to be a lot of people may have followed the urge more than their heads & have some regrets. I would never assume they are permanantly single by choice. They are single now because they have not attained that mutual choice needed for couplehood. It may be because the one they want doesn't want them, or the reverse. It may be because there's no one they now know that they are interested in. Not actively looking does not me not open the the possibility. I know & have known too many people who would like to be coupled & are not for whatever reason to say something stupid like that they choose to be single. Yes, there are people who have actively chosen singleness. But there are probably at least as many, if not more who are in the state of just not having chosen (or been chosen) for whatever reason. Hopefully what we would all do is look for a people to have a relationships with, not states to be in. |
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20 Feb 03 - 08:31 PM (#894758) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Ebbie Burke, I'm in full agreement with the premise that most people want to be, and therefore should be, in a relationship. I have even thought half seriously of creating a database for good people who want to meet good people. That said, I suspect there are a LOT of people who have discovered they do NOT want that kind of a relationship. When I finally faced that knowledge for myself my life immediately became a more peaceful one. I now enjoy being friends with all age groups, both sexes, and in many more environments far more than before; the pressure is completely off. A couple of FRIENDS, a LOT of friends and congenial family, preferably all steeped in music- that's a great recipe for life itself. For me. |
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21 Feb 03 - 07:05 AM (#895045) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Sandra in Sydney A lot of my truths have been expressed above re the single life. I make my own choices, like sitting around in this hot weather in my petticoat & singlet, then of course I make the choice to put on my Japanese kimono when my neighbour visits. He knows to step carefully as the originally neat piles of books & other things on the floor have spread - he lives alone, too & I step around his possessions when I visit him. Living alone I am responsible for my life - I don't have someone else to consider if I want to sleep in, stay out late, stay at work long after they stop paying me (my work PC wins hands down over my very own laptop for making posters for the folk club & keeping records & writing minutes for my committees, etc). There are some disadvantages in living alone, or going somewhere on my own. I can't immediately share something I've seen/heard/read. On the while I prefer living by myself, having grown up in an unhealthy family & seen many a strange relationship since - sisters living together, partners, other families, group households ... I have also seen some wonderful families & partnerships & groups. sandra single in sydney |
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21 Feb 03 - 07:16 AM (#895049) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: GUEST,peteofebor Leaving the toilet seat UP ! |
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21 Feb 03 - 10:41 AM (#895138) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Naemanson Burke, owing to limited time to type my generalization is a much simpler explanation of my theory. I'm sorry to have hit a hot button. An even simpler version of my theory has to do with an ancestral need for survival and grouping. And it's only my theory. And theories are always open for dispute. I'm willing to open an intellectual argument but I am going to be incommunicado for the next two weeks. |
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21 Feb 03 - 11:55 AM (#895207) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Amos Well, guys., the genes certainly will do what genes do best -- try to boss you around -- but in the final analysis, building a link with a partner is a reality that works only so long as it continues to be created byt he participants, only comes into existance when it is being put there as an act of creative will, and starts declining entropically the minute you try to put it on automatic. A |
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21 Feb 03 - 12:45 PM (#895253) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: M.Ted Years ago, one of my housemates, a jazz pianist and woodwind player, came home with the news that he had broken up up with his longtime girlfriend--was he upset? No, happy actually--more time to practice! |
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21 Feb 03 - 01:30 PM (#895284) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Naemanson Good words Amos. I am only talking of the impetus to connect, not the actual work of connecting. As intellegent beings we can triumph over our genes by pure force of will (sometimes). But it is a hard row to hoe. Look at all the supposedly celibate priests who have fallen by the wayside. Men HAVE to have sex but can live without. Women can live without but LIKE to have sex. I know this is another sweeping generalization but I believe it is largely true. So, whose hot buttons have I pushed this time? You have only a few hours to answer and then I will be out of touch. |
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21 Feb 03 - 03:10 PM (#895384) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: M.Ted Naemanson, If you've really pushed any hot buttons, you're entitled--since you're going through a really difficult time, and need to take care of yourself the best way you can-- The best advice I ever got related to this was from my dentist, who pointed out that I was suffering because I had made my own happiness and peace of mind dependent on my relationships with other people, and those, by nature, were always in flux--to find peace of mind, it was necessary to concentrate on my relationship with God(which, he pointed out, meant the cosmic totality, not some guy with a wizard hat and black framed glasses), which is the only thing that can be truly constant-- |
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22 Feb 03 - 12:42 PM (#895938) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: SINSULL I am my own best company. That may be a curse. I am alone but not lonely. Almost invariably, the men I find attractive become close friends and we both prefer to treasure the friendship rather than risk a short term affair. My therapist thought that this was a coping mechanism I use to stay safe. Maybe. Can't say that the men, read lovers, in my life have ever inspired confidence. But then I am back on Naemanson's turf. Why be attracted to people who can only hurt us? The theory is that we are trying to re-live an earlier disfunctional relationship (a unresponsive mother or father) and get it right this time. The fallacy - the new unresponsive lover is no more capable of love as we define it than was our parent, ex, whatever. I have taken it to a new level by filling my life with cats - selfish, self centered, break the china, pee on the beds cats. Not that I ever had a lover who deliberately peed on the beds, just on my parades. |
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22 Feb 03 - 01:05 PM (#895960) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Stilly River Sage Sinsull, what a trade-off! I must be very lucky in that two my cats are well-behaved and my ex is also. Brett, you saw the inconsistency in your last remark yourself. Why attribute interest in sex as different measures in men and women? "Need" versus "Like." Both sexes need and like companionship, which can be accomplished in any number of ways. Both sexes can live without sex, and (baring a long discussion of early programming and/or abuse) both genders need and like sex. It isn't always available with a partner. Once you understand that "sex" and "partner" aren't mutually inclusive, you move into a zone where living alone is okay. And that's why places like Good Vibrations do a thriving business. (You might want to visit the Antique Vibrator Museum. Keep this place in mind next time you move through the small personal appliance section of your local department or electronics store.) SRS |
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22 Feb 03 - 01:59 PM (#896007) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: mg not the dustbuster |
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22 Feb 03 - 06:33 PM (#896157) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Tinker I confess... I've been lurking this thread. I have some great memories of the periods of solitude in my life. But I'm posting to add a music note to SRS' post. I can't resist. UGH! the blickifier seems to be down!!! http://www.mudcat.org/Detail.CFM?messages__Message_ID=825577 |
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22 Feb 03 - 06:40 PM (#896163) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: McGrath of Harlow Most of the advantages of single life that have come up in this thread you can have when you're married. Plus a good few more you don't get if you're on your own. The statistics seem to show that, if you're a man, you live longer if your married. If you're a woman, you live longer if you aren't married. Figures. |
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22 Feb 03 - 07:08 PM (#896176) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: MAG Anybody besides me fondly remember the Lily Tomlin skit on vibrators? (The staid woman who did testimonials) ... |
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22 Feb 03 - 08:40 PM (#896239) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: momnopp There are certainly benefits to having time to get comfortable with onesself. And after that, one is probably a better partner in future relationships. I have always felt a pressure to be coupled and have only in recent years allowed myself to be OK with singlehood. The benefit for me has been in getting clearer about what really matters to me on many levels. Being the best Judy I can be has become paramount. I don't live alone, though (I have a 13 year old amazing young man in the house) so I don't have many of the "benefits" listed above of living alone. Honestly, I'm not at all sure I would like living completely alone, but I don't know, because I've never done so. JudyO |
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22 Feb 03 - 10:17 PM (#896291) Subject: RE: A Celebration Of The Single Life! From: Stilly River Sage Tinker, Here is your link. That's a very funny song! (Of course, the folks at Good Vibrations would call it "self love" and not "self abuse.") SRS |