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09 Mar 03 - 12:59 PM (#905920) Subject: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: tar_heel Neighborhood Watch in the War on Terrorists As we all know, the Taliban considers it a sin for a man to see a naked woman who is not his wife. So, next Saturday at 2:00 PM Eastern time all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this antiterrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Taliban, to demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women. And, since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment. Have the handgun, rifle or other weapon of choice at the ready, in the event you are called upon to defend yourself. Then, since the Taliban ALSO does not approve of non-religious music, please open all doors and windows and put on Ozzie Osbourne's "Bark At The Moon" at maximum volumne. When the Taliban minions come pouring out of their homes to flee your neigborhood, please use your aforementioned "weapon of choice" to defend yourselves. The American Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this antiterrorist activity. God bless America! IT IS YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON |
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09 Mar 03 - 01:03 PM (#905922) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: Sorcha LOL! |
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09 Mar 03 - 01:07 PM (#905924) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: SINSULL tar heel ... Uh...OK. |
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09 Mar 03 - 02:04 PM (#905960) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: leprechaun I don't think this strategy goes far enough. Al Qaida could just pass out opaque contact lenses to all their operatives, and lots of terrorists could slip through the net. A better plan would be to send bathroom monitors into every house, and make sure all loyal Americans are wiping their butts with both hands. Anybody who insists on using only their left hand would obviously be a terrorist. |
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09 Mar 03 - 10:00 PM (#906198) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: Troll Sorry Tar Heel, but no go. I've got nothing against nekkid women (dang it!) but I can't handle alcohol. troll |
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09 Mar 03 - 11:50 PM (#906248) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: Amos Well, we could do a Federal campaign to hand out pigskin seat covers and free porkchops to everyone... |
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10 Mar 03 - 05:41 AM (#906341) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: RangerSteve Troll, I can't have alcohol either, but they also don't allow paintings or sculpture of people, so I'll be painting pictures of the naked women. |
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10 Mar 03 - 05:20 PM (#906832) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: SINSULL RangerSteve, How about painting pictures ON the naked women? "I came to town to see That old tattoo lady. She was a sight to see Tattoed from head to knee..." Now it's a music thread. |
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10 Mar 03 - 05:36 PM (#906845) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: catspaw49 Sorry folks....no longer operative as the "Terrorism Alert" status has been downgraded from Duct Tape to Masking Tape level...... Spaw |
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10 Mar 03 - 06:56 PM (#906891) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: Rapparee I'll tell ya, I've been watchin' my neighbors in case they're terrorists and Boy! it is boring! Dangerous, too -- you ever think what Kentucky's menfolk (and womenfolk) do when they see somebody watchin' 'em through binoculars? Shucks, couple more inches to the right that ol' 45-70 bullet woulda jist clanged right upside my head! And the language! Why, what they said skun* a passin' cat clean and boiled the hair righ offen a hog! I don't care WHAT John-boy Ashcroft says -- this here watch your neighbors thing is gittin' plum dangerous! *Skun: v., to skin, parsed out as "skin" "skan" "skun". |
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10 Mar 03 - 08:44 PM (#906971) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: Bee-dubya-ell ALTERNATIVE NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH PLAN FOR RURAL RESIDENTS As ingenious as Tar Heel's plan is, it plainly will only work in urban or suburban settings. Those of us who live in the country, where the population density is not sufficient to have an adequate parade of naked women, must adopt a secondary plan of action. Country residents should release all of their livestock from their pens and other enclosures and allow them to roam freely for a day. At the end of that day, any men that are found wandering around in close proximity to the hindquarters of a female quadraped, particularly those of a goat and do not turn out to just be your cousin Bubba practicing animal husbandry again, may be assumed to be terrorists. Turn them over to the proper authorities before Luke decides to try out his new Mini-14 on them. Bruce |
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10 Mar 03 - 09:15 PM (#906984) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: leprechaun I feel safer already. |
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11 Mar 03 - 01:26 AM (#907082) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: DougR What? No cries of sexist from the liberal crowd about this thread? I'm shocked! :>) DougR |
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11 Mar 03 - 05:17 AM (#907140) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: Hrothgar Nobody said they had to be female goats, Doug. |
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12 Mar 03 - 01:57 AM (#907991) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: DougR Hrothgar: Goats? Sorry, I don't follow. Got to be a bit of humor in there somewhere but I guess it went right over my head. DougR |
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12 Mar 03 - 02:26 AM (#907998) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: Bee-dubya-ell Doug, Click Here for a thread about Osama's pet goat from November. Bruce |
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12 Mar 03 - 05:39 PM (#908522) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: DougR Oh. I missed L.H.'s post in November. Thanks for updating me Bruce. DougR |
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12 Mar 03 - 08:22 PM (#908645) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: Walking Eagle Naked women? Well, not my style. Naked men now, THAT would definately get me to settin' out the full size hammock! I immagine these here Taliban don't like to see women's undies and bras and such on the clothes line. A sure way to catch one would be to string out all of your women's things on the line and hide and wait for the Taliban neighbors to come pluck your underwear off the line. SHOW YOUR PATRIOTISM WOMEN, HANG OUT YOUR UNDIES, NOT YOUR FLAGS! |
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12 Mar 03 - 11:37 PM (#908772) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: leprechaun That wouldn't be fair, Walking Eagle. Some poor thieving transvestite, who could also be a patriotic American, might not be able to resist the temptation of all those Victoria's Secrets flying in the breeze. It would be a real shame to have some falsely accused economically disenfranchised drag queen get carted off to Guantanamo based on a faulty sting operation like that. I appreciate your help, but you might want to leave the details to us professional domestic spies. |
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13 Mar 03 - 10:39 PM (#909586) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: Walking Eagle You may have a point there. But in my case, they'd have to be purt near *flat busted* (heh,heh) to want to swipe my things! |
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13 Mar 03 - 11:35 PM (#909617) Subject: RE: BS: neighborhood watch on terror From: leprechaun So what are you doing Saturday night? |