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Drumcree 2003 - The Return!

27 Jun 03 - 08:04 AM (#973230)
Subject: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery

It's been a long oul' time on the offin' but I'm glad to say that we've the makin's of a damn good oul' session on the go here at Drumcree. The 12th's only roun' the corner and you can har'ly see the place for flegs and buntin' and arches and what-have-ye. And the talent's rolling in in busloads by the day.

Enya and Daniel O'Donnell are up to their oul' tricks again and we've already had the cops sniffin' roun' the joint, keepin' an eye on them.

Sad news that poor oul' Derek Bell won't be with us this year – mad druggy that he was, an' all, the boy was pure crack from start to finish.

Christy Moore showed up las' night; Shane MacGowan's been spotted downin' a few jars in Lurgan and Eamonn Holmes and Gino Lupari are rumoured to be plannin' to run a "High and Mighty" concession over in the merchandisin' section of the camp.

The Wolfe Tones have been practisin' a version of Dolly's Braes which they're plannin' to do with The Killicomaine Johnny Adair Memorial Pipe Band, and I'm sure we're all lookin' forward to that one!

Some other surprises to look out for … the reelin' reverends, Seamus Quinn and Gary Hastings are due to be joined by The Doctor himself and the ecumenical musicianship is guaranteed to be of the highest order. There's a possibility that Abu Hamza might sit in with them. In which case Ronnie Drew will have some serious competition in our ever-popular "Hairiest Gub" contest.

But all of thon in due course!

I've been severely affected by the muse in the interval between the last Drumcree festival and this and I've penned this year's theme song, which I'd like to share with you. Arty McGlynn's goin' to start me aff on the guitar for this wee number, based on thon oul' Free State favourite, "The Rose Of Tralee".

Give us a G, there, Arty!

Solid stuff, eh?

Alright, ladeeeeez'n'gen'lmen … "The Rows of Drumcree"!

The pale moon was rising in far-off Dungannon
The sun was declinin' in famed Tandragee
When myself and me true love were han'in'-in-han'in
Where tents stand in rows in the church at Drumcree

CHORUS She was lovely and fair like the rose of the summer
But it was not her beauty alone that won me
'Twas the way that she screamed at the cops "No surrender!"
And stood staunch and proud mid the rows of Drumcree

She bates her Lambeg and the sound is like thunder
She drinks her oul' Bucky as if it was tea
In her fringed epaulettes, she's a vision of wonder
As she swaggers her way through the rows of Drumcree

CHORUS

Says I, "Me boul' Lil, are ye up for some coortin'"
Says she "Me boul' Ike, to cavort I'm not free
For I've sworn that to fun I will not be resortin'
Till the battle is won in the rows of Drumcree"

CHORUS

Says I, "My wee honey, my heart it is broken
A grey mist of sorrow has settled on me!"
Says she, "Shut yer gub, for you near have me bokin'
Get on with your jab, in the rows of Drumcree"

CHORUS

So take my advice all you loyal and free men
Oh take my advice and pay heed unto me
Don't fall like a gawpshite for beautiful weemen
That strut their oul' swagger in the rows of Drumcree


27 Jun 03 - 08:17 AM (#973242)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: Jeri

Isaac, please forgive the fact that I'm not Irish or that I may not reply as I'm off to a festival in a bit, but I AM nosey.

Weren't you dead last year?

I look forward to reading your reply and possibly something else in this thread when I return.


27 Jun 03 - 08:23 AM (#973246)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery

Reports of my death were merely an excuse for fiddlin' an oul' bit of insurance money. (Now sadly pissed up the wall ... but great crack was had in the process.) Mind you, that's between yourself and myself, y'hear? If I get any insurance people or broo men or people from the club books or anybody else I'm doin' a diddle wi' sniffin' roun' my tent, I'll know who to go after!


27 Jun 03 - 08:52 AM (#973253)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: Jeri

You never said it and I never heard it. Too bad you're only likely to get away with it once!


27 Jun 03 - 08:59 AM (#973259)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery

You'd never know how many things I'd get away with, Jeri! The right handshake there and the odd codeword here ...

But no mind!

It's music and crack that has all here at the Drumcree Fleadh. So here's anawr wee yoke to keep 'er lit.

I gather that a version of what follows was voted the world's most popular song in some BBC poll a while back. I think the original's not a patch on my version ...!

Hi, Warfield! Give us a G there!

When boyhood's fire was in my blood
I dreamt of fenian-haters
Like Cromwell, Luther, Orange Bill
To the cause they were no traitors
I shuddered at inquisitors
Who plied their trade in Spain
And dreamt the flames would rise on high
Reformation once again

Reformation once again
Reformation once again
I dreamt the flames would rise on high
Reformation once again

The papal fleg, thon' dorty reg
Would lower from Saint Peters
And the boul' Red Hand would take command
Of all them altar-eaters
The Reverend P, would shout in glee
At endin' John Paul's reign
And with pride and joy, we'd raise the cry
Reformation once again

Reformation once again
Reformation once again
And with pride and joy, we'd raise the cry
Reformation once again

No more false creeds, instead we'd lead
Our folks back to the Bible
We'd cleanse the taint of every saint
We'd fracture every idol
We'd ban each hymn that wasn't grim
Our churches would be plain
And all glitters, we'd tear in flitters
Reformation once again

Reformation once again
Reformation once again
And all glitters, we'd tear in flitters
Reformation once again


27 Jun 03 - 10:59 AM (#973315)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Christy Moore

God bless us, Isaac … you're early into the oul' bitterness and no mistake!

Fair play, t'ye, mind! The Drumcree fleadh's an interdenominational yoke, and no criticism intended.

Anyhow, I've been messin' about wi' an oul' song called "The Man From Mullingar" and I've only come up wi' a tribute to the wee man Bell, the star of the last Drumcree Fleadh. He'll be sorely missed!

Ringo, give us a batter on thon oul' drum.

Man dear, but thon's a rhythm and a half, eh?

You may sing and shout and boast about your Rorys and your Phils
Your man called Shane MacGowan who's well known for booze and pills
But the rock-and-rollest character, the boy who raises hell
Is the chubby man from Belfast, the lad called Derek Bell

The word went out "Look out, it's Bell the harper"
The lily-livered turned their heel and scarpered
When Derek came to Portydown, he drunk the place bone dry
And he fathered fifteen childer in the blinkin' of an eye

Says Bell "I'm running out of coke and running out of speed
To fill again my nostrils, I am in direst need"
Says the hoods "Me boy, we'll sort you out, if you have got the cash"
Says Bell "Here's twenty thousand, so sort me out a stash"

The word went out "Look out, it's Bell the harper"
The lily-livered turned their heel and scarpered
When Derek came to Portydown, he drunk the place bone dry
And he fathered fifteen childer in the blinkin' of an eye

When Bell was off his tits, me boys, it was a sight to see
He tore into the session that they held in boul' Drumcree
He played his harp with fury, he was just like Jimmy Page
And he blew every other bugger off the session stage

The word went out "Look out, it's Bell the harper"
The lily-livered turned their heel and scarpered
When Derek came to Portydown, he drunk the place bone dry
And he fathered fifteen childer in the blinkin' of an eye

Says Ringo to Lupari "By Christ, man this is grim
The speed yer man is playing … I just can't keep up with him"
Says Gino to McDonagh "Aye, me tipper's just a blur
And I lost two stone from playing in the space of half an hour"

The word went out "Look out, it's Bell the harper"
The lily-livered turned their heel and scarpered
When Derek came to Portydown, he drunk the place bone dry
And he fathered fifteen childer in the blinkin' of an eye

Yer man then played The Stack of Oats and then played Paranoid
When he launched into the Ace of Spades, the crowd was overjoyed
Smells Just Like Teen Spirit and The Foggy Foggy Dew
The Boys Are Back In Portadown and The Good Ship Kangaroo

The word went out "Look out, it's Bell the harper"
The lily-livered turned their heel and scarpered
When Derek came to Portydown, he drunk the place bone dry
And he fathered fifteen childer in the blinkin' of an eye

Bell clumb up the speakers and he wobbled on the stack
And launched himself into the crowd, a wild man for the crack
Says he, "Where are you, Iggy Pop and Axl Rose as well?
I'm rock'n'roll personified … my name is Derek Bell!"

The word went out "Look out, it's Bell the harper"
The lily-livered turned their heel and scarpered
When Derek came to Portydown, he drunk the place bone dry
And he fathered fifteen childer in the blinkin' of an eye


27 Jun 03 - 11:55 AM (#973339)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Barney McKenna

Fair play to you Christy.

I only know the one tune for singin'.

But sure, I'll give 'er a lash anyway.

2 - 3 -

I am a young fellow that's called Eamonn Holmes
In a place called Cafolla's I'm very well-known
In the Peking, by God, I've spent many a note
On chips, peas and onions and curry
My father rebuked me for being such a gru
Says I to my da, "To blazes with you
I like nothing better than to gobble and chew
It keeps me from torment and worry"

I know every chipper from Newry to Larne
They all say "Here's Eamonn, the dorty big carn
His ass is the size of an outhouse or barn
And his appetite fairly prodigious
Heat up the oil and fire up thon oul' grill
For Holmes is the boy than can quare eat his fill
By the time he's replete, we'll have more in the till
Than oul' Midas, who's famed for his riches"

Well it's first I'll have chips and it's then I'll have fish
The odd battered sausage, a lip-smackin' dish
A burger or two, and then if I wish
A pie or a pasty I'll order
Some fried sodie bread and a rasher or three
The odd chicken drumstick's no bother to me
And wash it all down with a gallon of tea
For I am the boy can afford 'er


27 Jun 03 - 12:40 PM (#973359)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,politicker

Oh what fun; a flamin politickin thread, must send invites to all the nutcases on the Internet!

I read today that there so little interest in the 12th this year, that the OO is hiring Sachs to alert the public (otherwise occupied with Iraq) that its Riot and Roll time again.

Which might explain Downing St sending a memo to GHQ about replacements for NI and selecting only 2nd generation Irish recruits (most of these gentlemen are from Irish emigrant English Catholic families)


27 Jun 03 - 03:57 PM (#973450)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery

Ah, now, calm down, Brawr Politicker, before your oul' (poli)ticker gives out on ye!

You're obviously not a regular visitor to the Drumcree Fleadh.

But sure, we'll not houl' thon agin ye!

We all have to start somewhere.

Now pour yerself up a big glass of Bucky and away over thonder to the main stage!


27 Jun 03 - 05:12 PM (#973509)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Pope John Paul II

Oh feck me McKittery, is it yourself. Are ye to the fore. There was word there that ye were pushin' up the lillies so there was. Boys oh its great to be back. Sure the ould health isn't what it was but its grand to be on the field once more. That was a bad do now way wee Bell. He'll be sorely missed, a civil man, a feckin' civil man. Anyway and away down here fornenst the ould stage that fat bastard Lupari promised me a free pastie supper. Good luck.


27 Jun 03 - 10:53 PM (#973675)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

GUESt-The-Pope-What,do,you,think,
to,Sinead,o'Connors,new,CD?
i,reckon,its,a,bit,crap,meself.john


27 Jun 03 - 11:02 PM (#973678)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: DonMeixner

Jeepers....:-)


27 Jun 03 - 11:40 PM (#973687)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: alison

what I'd like to know is who's the wee hussy flauntin' herself round the camp????

here's me pining away thinkin yer dead.... and yer off chasing dorty wee hoors through the campsite......

ye won't know what's hit ye if I get my hands on ye!!

(loved the song Barney)


28 Jun 03 - 12:54 PM (#973855)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Pope John Paul II

Would you be Bishop John from Hull or do ye kick way the awr fut intirely. Anyway Sinead'll be along anytime now and ye can tell yerself. Aw shite a drapped me chips...in shite. Ah who let them friesen hefers into the field. She's badly organized this year.


28 Jun 03 - 03:15 PM (#973931)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Sinead Ras-Ta-Far-I O'Connor Selassie

I couldn't give a Bob Marley what you think, John from Hull.

I couldn't give a Peter Tosh what anybody thinks, if you're after the truth.

Peace, love and ganja.

By the way, JP, you'd better watch your step you oul' bollix. Otherwise it's more than your pixture I'll be tearin' up!

There wanst was a girl called O'Connor
A targe when the anger was on her
One night, well-embittered
She tore John Paul to flitters
Which caused many's the station to ban 'er


29 Jun 03 - 12:55 PM (#974244)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: Seamus Kennedy

Oh my God!! It's alive!!! It's alive!!!


Seamus


30 Jun 03 - 03:33 AM (#974478)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: Ella who is Sooze

ha haaaaaa I know who you are - good to here you are about again!

Ella (S)


30 Jun 03 - 07:41 AM (#974563)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,The Dubliners

Oh then tell me Dan O'Donnell, tell me why you hurry so
Hush mo bhuachaill answers Daniel, drawin' in a lung o' blow
I've got the word the session's startin' and you'd better get there soon
For the crack will soon be ninety at the risin' of the moon

At the risin' of the moon, the risin' of the moon
For the crack will soon be ninety at the risin' of the moon

O, then tell me Dan, mo bhuachaill, where the session is to be
In the campsite by the churchyard in the townland of Drumcree
There'll be zouk's and there'll be bodhrans, there'll be fiddles and Lambegs
There'll be Mundies, there'll be Buckfast and we'll drain the very dregs

We'll drain the very dregs, we'll drain the very dregs
There'll be Mundies, there'll be Buckfast and we'll drain the very dregs

There'll be Christy, there'll be Enya, there'll be Gino, there'll be Shane
This festival will equal any Lisdoon, any Slane
There'll be Van and there'll be Brendan Shine, Phil Begley, Sue McCann
We'll have ourselves a hooley in the town that spans the Bann

In the town that spans the Bann, in the town that spans the Bann
We'll have ourselves a hooley in the town that spans the Bann

There'll be Ringo on the bodhran, there'll be Arty on guitar
Cara, Máire, Sinead Quinn, every one a star
Tomás Mór and Dickie Rock, The Pecker and Jake Burns
Every hallion roarin' drunk, while waitin' for their turn

While waitin' for their turn, while waitin' for their turn
Every hallion roarin' drunk, while waitin' for their turn

There'll be Donal, there'll be Sharon, Liam Óg and Mary Black
Ray Lynam and Dick Gaughan, Ernie Badness and Barnbrack
There'll be helicopters, spotter planes, and water cannons too
In case Sinead O'Connor tries her hand at the Seán-Nós Nua

Tries her hand at the Seán-Nós Nua, tries her hand at the Seán-Nós Nua
In case Sinead O'Connor tries her hand at the Seán-Nós Nua


30 Jun 03 - 08:19 AM (#974575)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: MC Fat

Fraternal greetings from someone who was pronounced deid last year.


07 Jul 03 - 07:48 AM (#978185)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery

Good man, Brother Fat!

We Lazari need to stick toge'er!

Was yours an insurance fit-up too?

('S alright, there! Ye kin tell me in confidence, so ye kin!)

IMcK


07 Jul 03 - 07:49 AM (#978186)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Observant

Has anyone noticed that Isaac's sign-off in his last post (IMcK) is an anagram of MIcK?

Is there soemthing weird going on here that I'm not aware of?


07 Jul 03 - 08:27 AM (#978200)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Van Morrison

Grimaces)

(Strums guitar. Grimaces again.)

Hey where did we go, days when the rain came?
Up to our oxters in glar, drivin' me insane
Slippin' and slidin', cowpin' and heelin'
That day you lit on yer ass, was so revealin'

And you're my blue-nosed girl
You're my blue-nosed girl

Whatever happened? These days are so slow
We don't even have a scrap, at the oul' Garvaghy Road
Mushrooms and Buckie, don't get me riled no more
I'm still lookin' for those days so wild of yore

With you, my blue-nosed girl
You're my blue-nosed girl

Do you remember when, we used to sing
Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la
We shall not be moved
Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la
We shall not be moved
Shan't be moved

Bricks and bottles, claddin' the cops all night
Shakin' yer ass downtown, tryin' to start a fight
The boys in the Tunnel, knew you were out of bounds
They'd soon have converted, if they went the fifteen rounds

With you, my blue-nosed girl
You're my blue-nosed girl

Mundies and Tennents, stuck into the oul' Clan Dew
You'd dance round the fire, in your red, white and blue
Flickering shadows, highlight your epaulettes
I'll never surrender, darlin', I'll never forget

You, my blue-nosed girl
You're my blue-nosed girl

Do you remember when, we used to sing
Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la
We shall not be moved
Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la
We shall not be moved
Shan't be moved

Twirlin' your baton, baby, wish you'd give me a twirl
Heart beats like a Lambeg drum, when your colours are unfurled
I'd walk through your arch, pretty baby, I'd carry my flegpole high
When I'm with you, each day is like the Twelfth of July

With you, my blue-nosed girl
You're my blue-nosed girl

Do you remember when, we used to sing
Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la
We shall not be moved
Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la
We shall not be moved
Shan't be moved


07 Jul 03 - 09:55 AM (#978257)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Van Morrison

(Grimaces)

(Strums guitar. Grimaces again.)

I've been told that in the interests of ecumenism and fraternal love and all thon kind of balls, I need to balance thon last song wi' anawr one.

Here goes … "Convent Girl"

Hey where did we go, days when the rain came?
Try for a carry-out, poolin' our spare change
Tauntin' the peelers, give them the double-Vs
Drinkin' cider on the golf-course, we snogged at the 14th tee

And you're my convent girl
You're my convent girl

Whatever happened? These days are so slow
Nobody in this town will sell me good blow
Mushrooms and Buckie, sent me around the twist
Barred from the Vintage, and I had my first kiss

With you, my convent girl
You're my convent girl

Do you remember when, we used to sing
Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la
Tiocfaidh ar la
Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la
Tiocfaidh ar la
Tiocfaidh ar la

That night in the barracks, we're both arrested
Yer da lost the bap with the cops, our release was requested
Walking home up Distillery Hill, on the way to the Tarry
I said in ten years time I'd like to marry

You, my convent girl
You're my convent girl

Where are you now, then? Starter house on the Lough Road
Thickening ankles, fed up with your workload
Do you remember, we would stay up all night
Hot knives and vodka, next day we'd feel like shite

You, my convent girl
You're my convent girl

Do you remember when, we used to sing
Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la
Tiocfaidh ar la
Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la
Tiocfaidh ar la
Tiocfaidh ar la

Maybe I'll call you, word from an old flame
We could go back on the tear, I will if you're game
Causin' a ruction, doin' the double
I loved those old days, always in trouble

With you, my convent girl
You're my convent girl

Do you remember when, we used to sing
Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la
Tiocfaidh ar la
Sha-la-la, la-la-la-la
Tiocfaidh ar la
Tiocfaidh ar la


07 Jul 03 - 09:57 AM (#978258)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: Amos

Jesus, Ike, this is a lot like watching a Punch and Judy show!! Running both sides of the house, are ye?

A


07 Jul 03 - 11:20 AM (#978311)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery

We're very ecumenical
A wee bit if-and-whenical
In bed till half-past-tenical
In oul' Drumcree
Some of us are musical
But all of us are boozical
And the womenfolk quite floozical
In oul' Drumcree
Our politics are radical
A lot not just a tadical
In fact we're barking madical
In oul' Drumcree
Each year we have a festival
The crack is just the bestival
If a wee bit viper's nestival
In oul' Drumcree
To musoes we're hospitable
Their creed don't matter a shitable
We let them play their bitable
In oul' Drumcree
Shane or oul' Val Doonican
Gino or Keith Moonican
Just batter out a tuneican
In oul' Drumcree
It's a great mid-Ulster Glastonbury
So get up off yer asstonbury
Just a hour's drive from Belfastonbury
Is oul' Drumcree
See The Chieftains and Van Morrison
Big Tom and Sharon Corrison
The odd armoured car and Saracen
In oul' Drumcree
Rock Stewart and the Plattermen
Eamonn and the Fattermen
Join up with bowler-hattermen
In oul' Drumcree
Sinead and Larry Cunningham
Dana, like a nunningham
And of course, The Pecker Dunningham
In oul' Drumcree
So there you have the history
Hope I've cleared the mystery
I'm off now to get pistory
In oul' Drumcree

IMcK


07 Jul 03 - 12:52 PM (#978374)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: Amos

Isaac, I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- yer oughter go pro!

A


08 Jul 03 - 05:06 AM (#978856)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery

To hell with your professional
I'd rather be processional
Then after have a sessional
In oul' Drumcree
With Black Bush and with tuinal
We don't know what we're doin'al
We'll go to rack and ruinal
In oul' Drumcree
But pass thon bottle Samuel
We'll sit and have a jamuel
And begrudgers all be damneduel
In oul' Drumcree

IMcK


09 Jul 03 - 04:29 AM (#979577)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: Hrothgar

Takin' any swimmin' lessons this year, Ike? The ould Alsion's still got the hots for ye.


09 Jul 03 - 08:36 AM (#979665)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery

Ah, man dear, there'll be none of thon oul' crack this year … not after last! … listen now till I sing ye

Isaac he was smit by love (heave away, haul away)
For his Aussie turtle-dove (bound for South Australia)

CHORUS
Fear ye God and Honour Kings (heave away, haul away)
Heave away now hear me sing (bound for South Australia)

Isaac div into the say
Like an eel he made his way

CHORUS

Isaac spied an ocean whale
Caught that whale-fish by the tail

CHORUS

Water-skied in thon whale's wake
Get a move on for God's sake

CHORUS

Thanked the whale-fish for the lift
A quare bit closer to his shift

CHORUS

Isaac did the oul' front-crawl
Through the South Atlantic squall

CHORUS

Isaac rounded oul' Good Hope
Isaac cursed the Roman Pope

CHORUS

Isaac swum then on his back
Anything for a bit of crack

CHORUS

Isaac met a crocodile
On its back for the last ten miles

CHORUS

Isaac thanked the Aussie croc
Then he got an awful shock

CHORUS

Ali she was houlin' out
When she said her love was not in doubt

CHORUS

Isaac, lovesick, wore a frown
Swam back home to Portydown

CHORUS

Isaac's home now from the sea
Ne'er again to leave Drumcree

CHORUS

Isaac's home now in his tent
All his fire and passion spent

CHORUS

Ike will find some Orange lass
And soon his grief will surely pass

CHORUS

Together they will be content
Living in their two-man tent

CHORUS

And Ike will soon forget the blade
That won his heart and then betrayed

CHORUS

No better than a quisling, she
Who lives in far-off Austrailyee

CHORUS

No better she, the boul' deceiver
Than those who'd sell us down the river

There y'are now! Put thon in your pipe and smoke it!


09 Jul 03 - 08:52 AM (#979675)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Dana

Now listen up all yous'ns that have yer wee piggy wee eyes on Isaac McKittery. I've been after this gorgeous hunk of Ulsterhood for years and I'm about ready to make my play for him. If any of youse hussies gets in my way, I'll have the eyes out of yer damn heads in a minute, so I will!

Sashes and bowler-hats
Lambegs and flutes
Murals and barricades
Smart three-piece suits
Molotovs
Snow-white gloves
The fearless and the few
All kinds of everything remind me of you

Arches and marches
Covenants of blood
Full-body s'arches
And the oul' Drumcree mud
The Red Hand
A billy band
The Red White And Blue
All kinds of everything remind me of you


09 Jul 03 - 11:38 AM (#979820)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Brush Shields

Ah here, give over that ould shite McKittery. Is that PA on? Is there anybody here can play any drums apart from the Laurel and Hardy men there. Quick turn 'er up there before them feckers Brian Downey and Gary Moore turn up. I'll give them whiskey in the jar. Whiskey up the arse be more their game. Here gimme a G there yer man way the red face. Ye should put that big drum away son before ye hurt yerself. Here we go now...


09 Jul 03 - 11:42 AM (#979824)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Rock Stewart

Shove over there on thon stage, Brush, ye baldy eejit and give a daycent singer a chance. You strum away there, wi' me!

Do you know The Pretty Little Girl From Omagh?

In B flat?

I've got a capo if you need it.


09 Jul 03 - 11:45 AM (#979830)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Gary Moore

A capo?

Take more than thon till compensate!

Give over thon oul' Pretty Little Girl crap.

A bit o' blues is what you need!

Oy, Basil Brush, give us a twelve-bar riff in E so I can make my yoke squeeeeeeeallllll!


09 Jul 03 - 11:48 AM (#979835)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Brush Shiels

Lord bless us?

Who's thon character wi' the fiddle and the curly mullet?


09 Jul 03 - 11:52 AM (#979842)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Gary Moore

Thon's Frankie Gavin.

There's a boy could blow the two of us away, hi!


09 Jul 03 - 11:53 AM (#979844)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Brush Shiels

Shite "do", though!


09 Jul 03 - 12:13 PM (#979858)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Johnny Adair

Boys oh here yiz are now. Here's an ould Thin Lizzy wan to warm the boys at the barricades. Goes to the tune af The Rocker.



I'm yer man now if yiz are lookin' fer any Bucky

I take no lip don't go slabberin' at me

I'll kick yer shite in and ye'll count yerself lucky

Here Willie John hand that bottle there to me



Cause I'm a proddy

That's right I'm a proddy

I'm a Billy Boy too baby

I'm a proddy



Down at Drumcree now me and the boys were marchin'

All of the taigs they were yellin' out at me

Shut yer arse says I or I'll bait ye wi' this fleg pole

Hey there Eileen wud ye drop yer drars fer me



Cause I'm a proddy

That's right I'm a proddy

I'm a Billy Boy too baby

I'm a proddy



I like to bait me drum

Me sash was washed and pressed and stitched up by me Mum

We're gonna have some fun

Brother Taig you'd better run, run, run



Lead Break



I like to bait me drum

Ye can search me but I have no gun (winks)

We're gonna have some fun

We'll be down Garvaghy for the day is done



Cause I'm a proddy

That's right I'm a proddy

I'm a Billy Boy too baby

I'm a proddy



There yiz are now just in time for the peelers tay take me back down the Crumlin. No Surrender and keep her handy boys.


09 Jul 03 - 12:38 PM (#979880)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST

Your guilty wee secret is out, McKittery. You abandoned poor wee Alison on the shore and went off to pleasure yourself with thon giant squid.


09 Jul 03 - 12:47 PM (#979894)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Brendan Bowyer

Hello Drumcree, sure tiz grand to be back in the ould sod. Here we go now, come on Shiels ye ballacks...

Well now here's a dance ye should know hey
Where the lights are low hey...ahhhhgh now there's no call for that. You could took my eye out way that bottle ye feckin' edjit.


09 Jul 03 - 12:49 PM (#979898)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Shane MacGowan

Feck aff Bowyer ye fat bastard this concert's all about culture not cultchies. Feck aff back tay Vegas.


09 Jul 03 - 03:15 PM (#980048)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Ulster News

Good evening and this is the news from BBC Ulster. The now Annual Mega Music session at Drumcree has begun amid some controversy and violence. Local promoter and general wide boy Issac McKittery who had been presumed dead has resurfaced. McKittery who disappeared from the site last year under mysterious circumstances was last seen making an attempt to swim to Austrailia. Nothing was heard of from McKittery until 2 weeks ago when he showed up on the church grounds at Drumcree. He has been seen on stage singing and wandering around the site in a drunken state and it has been alleged that he has been interfering with young girls.

Pope John Paul has given the Session his blessing and said that although his health was not great he hoped he'd be stickin' out. Were not exactly sure what he meant by that.

Violence erupted on the main stage today when former Huckle Buck emprisario and general fat boy Brendan Bowyer was hit by a bottle thrown by Shane MacGowan. MacGowan objected to Bowyer's inclusion in the event and said he was scundered.

More news at eleven but first the weather. Rain, rain, followed by light showers, clouding over tonight and more rain after midnight.


11 Jul 03 - 08:39 AM (#981185)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Brendan Bowyer

I'll start again. Thirteen stitches thon bottle cost me! If I get my hawns on thon ugly melt, I'll skin him so I will!

Anyways ... Brush, would you gi' me a bit o' th'oul rockie-rollie stuff.

Here's a dance you should know (hey!)
Ulster still says no (no, hey!)
Gonna walk Garvaghy Road (yo! hey!)

And do the hucklebuck, the Drumcree hucklebuck
If you don't know how to do it then you're out of luck
Light a big oul' joint, pass the number roun'
Buy a rake o' Buckie in an offie in the town
Pass out in a field, face down in the muck
That's what you do when you do the hucklebuck

Here's a dance you should know (hey!)
Gonna buy a rake of blow (blow, hey!)
Gonna walk Garvaghy Road (yo! hey!)

A little bit of speed, to stop you gettin' pissed
And then you drop some mushrooms and they drive you roun' the twist
Spend the night in jail, crawlin' up the walls
Before they let you out you'll get a kickin' in the balls
You give them the vees cos you couldn't give a fuck
That's what you do when you do the hucklebuck

(Gino Lupari bodhrán solo)

Here's a dance you should know (hey!)
Ulster still says no (no, hey!)
Gonna walk Garvaghy Road (yo! hey!)

Up on Drumcree hill, you drop a lock o' pills
And try to get a grope off the gorgeous Orange Lil
She gives you a slap and you just brush it aff
When you're off your napper everything's a laugh
Spark another jay, drain another Buck
That's when you do when you do ………
Do the hucklebuck


11 Jul 03 - 08:42 AM (#981186)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Shane MacGowan

You're still a big gormless culchie with an ass the size of Dundalk!


11 Jul 03 - 08:52 AM (#981194)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Shane MacGowan

One Summer's evening drunk to hell
In Drumcree's foul encampment
An old man in the corner sang
"Send the croppies all to hell"
And on the jukebox, Billy sang
Of sweat and tears and blood
And the only thing that I could see
Was a pair of white gloves giving fingers to me
But when I got back to my tent at Drumcree
There was no pair of white gloves waiting for

And a rovin', a rovin', a rovin', I'll go
For a pair of white gloves

So drunk to hell I left the place
Sometimes crawlin' sometimes walkin'
And I fell asleep on Shillington's Bridge
And woke up in the night
And I heard the sounds of long ago
Along the River Bann
And I thought about a pair of white gloves
Giving finger-signs to me

In mud and glar I staggered home
And lay down on the ground
Where the tents and bivvies of other men
Were scattered all around
And I saw the trees, the rolling hills
The barricades and bonfires
And I thought about a pair of white gloves
Giving finger-signs to me

And a rovin', a rovin', a rovin', I'll go
For a pair of white gloves


15 Jul 03 - 07:00 AM (#983642)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: GUEST,Press Release

Crowds thronged the route of the funeral cortege of Brother Isaac Samuel William Ibrox McKittery, Grand Master, 33rd Degree, Loyal Orange Cabaalistic Lodge 666 and holder of the world distance swimming record.

McKittery's death was as flamboyant, ebullient and provocative as his life.

After the traditional day of marching and sabre-rattling on the 12th, McKittery returned to Drumcree, where the annual festival of music and dance was "going great guns".

In high spirits, McKittery was observed to have changed from his full Orange regalia into t-shirt, beach shorts and flip-flops, determined to relax and enjoy the proceedings at the festival with which he was so proudly associated.

But, as was often the case, McKittery's high spirits boiled over.

At 2am, police were called to break up a scuffle between McKittery and Donegal heart-throb chanteur, Daniel O'Donnell. Both men had been vying for the romantic attention of local glamour-puss Gloria Hunniford. As an eye-witness recounts …

"Yer men were fallyin' her roun' the place., tryin' to tap 'er out. In the end she got fed up wi' the pair o' them and says – Away out o' thon, ye buck-eejits! I'd ate the pair o' yiz for breakfast."

Hunniford's remarks were reported to have cut McKittery to the quick and, as the rivalry between himself and O'Donnell intensified – each blaming the other for being blown-out by the fragrant Ms Hunniford – cat-calls soon gave way to stones and other missiles.

The presence of the police, who arrived on the scene within minutes, did little to quell the disturbance and the crowd, sensing trouble, congregated around the two protagonists and later took sides with one or the other. The police, fearing a major disturbance, decided to respond pre-emptively, loosing round after round of plastic bullets and turning water-cannons on the assembled multitudes.

Not for the first time, such tactics failed to have the desired effect and soon both factions had settled their differences and turned their attention on the forces of law and order. Barricades were hastily erected and at one stage the police were treated to the spectacle of McKittery scaling the barricades in beachwear, silhoutted against the flames of burning tents, hoisting a Red Hand flag. Beside him stood O'Donnell, shirt open to the navel, hoisting a tricolour. Both defiantly faced down the grim lines of peelers.

A single shot rang out and McKittery jerked in pain, then fell into the arms of O'Donnell. As McKittery's blood and O'Donnell's tears seeped like some spilt Buckfast into the Drumcree clay, Yeats' words echoed down the years. "All things fall apart … the centre cannot hold … a terrible beauty is born".

Garvaghy Road residents gave their consent to McKittery's cortege passing through on its journey from Drumcree to Larne and huge crowds, grief-stricken to the point of near-hysteria, threatened to slow the funeral party's progress as individuals sought to touch McKittery's coffin.

The final ceremony – at Larne Harbour – the starting-point of many a McKittery expedition - was as brief as it was touching. As flags of all colours were lowered and a lone piper sounded a lament, McKittery's body was lowered into the sea and floated off.

O'Donnell provided the only oration of the day, words which will be remembered in years to come. "McKittery will not be stilled. His body floats upon the sea; his spirit lives within our hearts. Do not say McKittery is dead; McKittery lives! He lives within our bosoms; he resides forever in our memories; and he will live every time our children, and their children, utter his name with pride."


17 Dec 03 - 02:13 AM (#1074294)
Subject: RE: Drumcree 2003 - The Return!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

Mr MacGowan-did you write Farytale of New York, or was it Christy Moor?