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15 Jul 03 - 10:34 AM (#983756) Subject: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Little Hawk This is a cool idea to liven things up at your local Chinese restaurant. Make up your own fortunes and insert them into the fortune cookies. It's quite easily done with a computer printer. Here are some I came up with: "Of the 7 Deadly Sins, Gluttony is the one most likely to lead to your demise." "You are soon going to have an intimate encounter with a motorcycle gang." "Please say a prayer for the alley cat you just ate." And then of course there is the old, old one: "Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese fortune cookie factory." Make up your own Chinese mis-fortune and add it to this thread...and try to be subtle... - LH |
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15 Jul 03 - 10:50 AM (#983766) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Amos "You will be given misleading information from a fortune cookie...." |
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15 Jul 03 - 10:53 AM (#983769) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Dave the Gnome Careful you don't eat the other half of th |
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15 Jul 03 - 12:16 PM (#983821) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: GUEST,pdc We do this every year when my husband has his graduate students over for dinner. So far the favourite one has been "During your orals, you will fart uncontrollably." |
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15 Jul 03 - 12:21 PM (#983825) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: katlaughing "Pay no attention the man behind the curtain." "You will meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger...stranger than fiction." "Your gullibility knows no bounds." |
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15 Jul 03 - 12:25 PM (#983828) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Liz the Squeak The ever popular ' that wasn't chicken'.... I liked 'How the hell did I get in here?' and 'eggs, cheese, butter, cat food, cabbage.....' LTS |
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15 Jul 03 - 01:12 PM (#983858) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Rapparee "You are not a winner." "Your zipper is stuck open." "You will learn what STD means." "You could actually eat that!?" "See those two big guys in the corner?" |
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15 Jul 03 - 03:10 PM (#983923) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Sam L There are some pretty good contributions too on an older thread. |
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15 Jul 03 - 03:37 PM (#983935) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: lady penelope " this cookie will self destruct in 10 seconds......" "unexpected furballs will cause much disruption" "thank you for participating in the government's alternative nuclear waste disposal programme" "put me back, I'm not done yet" TTFN Lady P. |
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15 Jul 03 - 03:56 PM (#983941) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Uncle_DaveO "You're the kind of hopeless schmuck who seeks advice in pastry products." |
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15 Jul 03 - 04:09 PM (#983955) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: GUEST,MMario This paper coated in contact poison |
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15 Jul 03 - 04:10 PM (#983957) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: IvanB Some years back, I was the treasurer of a small organization. One evening, after the executive committee had a grueling all-day meeting, we decided to go out for Chinese. The president asked that I take enough cash from petty cash to pay the bill, so that nobody would be out of pocket for the expense. When the fortune cookies came, mine was "The person having dinner with you does not intend to pay the bill." |
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15 Jul 03 - 04:24 PM (#983964) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Raptor You shall inherit much wealth and many ladies will find you irrasistable... Wait a minute this fortunes for the guy at table six! Never mind, Sorry. Raptor |
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15 Jul 03 - 06:03 PM (#984019) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Bill D "Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is find the source of these silly messages" |
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15 Jul 03 - 08:21 PM (#984108) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Little Hawk LOL! Great stuff, folks. I am most pleased by the fine responses this thread has gotten thus far. I hope the fortune cookie companies are taking notes... - LH |
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15 Jul 03 - 08:38 PM (#984120) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Kim C It's made of peeeeeeeeepuuuulllll!!!!!! |
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15 Jul 03 - 08:42 PM (#984123) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Rapparee On both sides of the paper simply print "PTO" |
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15 Jul 03 - 09:15 PM (#984143) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: The Walrus The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train Do you know how many people handled this before it was wrapped? Whoops, you lose! Walrus |
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16 Jul 03 - 12:55 AM (#984206) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Billy the Bus The bad news in this cookie is - "I have a bun in the oven - thanks Cooky" |
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16 Jul 03 - 10:48 AM (#984435) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Sam L My daughter and I separate ones for kids and adults, and a few other categories, nice and vicious. We have about a hundred and twenty we like okay. I'm not sure if most are new. Your parents read in a magazine that spankings are good for you. A dog eats your homework and for some reason nobody believes you. Turns out being a Famous Spy wasn't a good combination. No you can't have a pony. You will be kidnapped and abandoned in the French countryside by a greedy butler out to steal your fortune. You'll be famous for a skateboard move, the "fall-ie". You teach your pet to talk, it tells you to clean your room. In being kind to others, you recieve kindness back, we guess. Your mom wants a Nautilus, a stupid elf puts you on the naughty list. Your hard work gets noticed. They give you more hard work. Moles begin drawing mysterious signs in your yard. Elton John thinks you lived more like a fart in a whirlwind. Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement, dude. Your fortune is very important to us. Please hold. A guy who eats cream corn with his mouth open will have a crush on you. You'll meet a tall dark strangler. Your future contains violence and profanity but no sexual situations. You'll never find the right haircut. You'll find Joy in a bottle by the sink. Your job will be a joke, you'll be broke, and you'll have that damned "Friends" song stuck in your head. Your business venture succeeds, Bill Gates! Your actual "girlfriend" actually won't "go there". You live in the imagination of others, dressed as a Klingon. You fall into a burning ring of fire. etc. |
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16 Jul 03 - 12:26 PM (#984496) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: GUEST,Rapaire, working All of your genes are recessives. Don't ask. Don't. Oh no! That's awful! We're so very, very sorry for you. Your roommate is a "made man" with the mob. It's not going to get well, you know. THIS is the high point of your life. Stop picking it!! |
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17 Jul 03 - 09:53 AM (#985131) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Kim C Fred, that is the best laugh I have had so far today! :-D |
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17 Jul 03 - 07:21 PM (#985555) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Sam L Well, thanks so much Kim. I try pathetically hard to be funny, while other people just have a gift. The effort probably sours me, I become a jerk, and I neglet to express a little appreciation when I ought to. Nice of you. I'm thinking it would be fun to have a book of cartoons with no captions, see what my kids come up with. In fact--I'm not sure of the kosher way to post an image, but it would be a hoot to see what catter's came up with for a situation. I'm probably just passing along a disease to my kids. My little boy jim is a genius of comic timing, and can kill everyone just by singing out Kum-bay-yah! at unexpected moments. |
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17 Jul 03 - 07:29 PM (#985559) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Gareth I cant to those - Superb !!!! Gareth |
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17 Jul 03 - 07:47 PM (#985567) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Joe_F If you don't like the fortune, don't eat the cookie. |
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18 Jul 03 - 07:02 AM (#985803) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: DMcG This fortune intentionally left blank. |
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18 Jul 03 - 07:30 AM (#985821) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: John MacKenzie You will meet a man called Catspaw in a lift! |
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18 Jul 03 - 09:11 AM (#985890) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Kim C But Fred, don't you think some people who seem naturally funny, are only that way because they worked at it? ;-) |
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18 Jul 03 - 12:01 PM (#985998) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: katlaughing No kosher way to post images, Fred, it's frowned upon, sorry...good idea, though.:-) You eat with that filthy mouth? Batten down the hatches The sky is falling Compliments of the woman at Table Seven...your mother! Very good (karate)chop, Grasshopper, if a little overdone, now clean up the crumbs. Tomorrow is another day. You are older than that, now. You really read these!? Stick a spoon on your nose and all your wishes will come true. |
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18 Jul 03 - 02:44 PM (#986101) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: DADGBE Your mother was right! |
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18 Jul 03 - 02:52 PM (#986105) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Rapparee You have a rare disease which is causing you to shrink. Oh, ick! Don't touch me! Your fortune...now THAT'S funny. That man in the corner, the one looking at you. He's from the IRS. Take Pepto Bismol. Take it NOW. You only THOUGHT those were lo mein noodles. |
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18 Jul 03 - 03:34 PM (#986133) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Sam L Kim C, no. I'm sicker than those people. Kat--for a minute I thought you were still addressing me and I wondered which filthy ones I'd posted. Great wisdom is given to you, you wake up and forget it. Your music career will be impeded by what the deaf call "those stupid hearing people". Opportunity knocks, waits, then keys your car. The words "by reason of insanity' will give you hope. You'll wish you'd had those nude photos done professionally when you were younger. It's not whether you win or lose, it's just You Lose. You can succeed at every virtual thing! You'll survive a close shave. Then a second blade comes along to shave you even closer. Your bosses abscond with the balance of all your butt-kissing. All the people you feel superior to suddenly die. |
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18 Jul 03 - 06:01 PM (#986219) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: katlaughing Sorry, Fred.:-) __________________________________________________________ Sorry, please try again. Your number has come up! Beyond the veil, you will meet many souls. Eat, drink, don't tarry! |
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18 Jul 03 - 06:12 PM (#986232) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: TheBigPinkLad Love won't keep us together The darkest hour is just before it goes pitch black It's not a complex, you are inferior Jesus doesn't want you for a sunbeam Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do |
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18 Jul 03 - 06:31 PM (#986252) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Stephen L. Rich Do not remove this tag under penalty of law. Stephen Lee |
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18 Jul 03 - 06:36 PM (#986256) Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Little Hawk LOL! The misfortunes continue... How about... "George Bush will decide that you are a threat to World Peace and take 'serious measures' against you within the next calendar year." "Your dog thinks you have really bad breath!" "You pig! The kitchen staff bet you couldn't eat that much and still walk. Let's see if they were right. Get up sl-o-o-o-ow-ly now...easy does it..." - LH |